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An Experiment in Gratitude | The Science of Happiness

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Virtually everyone experiences loneliness from time to time. The feeling can be especially noticeable around the holidays, Valentine's Day, birthdays, and times of extreme stress.

The sheer number of adults in the United States who feel lonely is quite large-in a January 2020 survey of 10,000 adults by Cigna, 61% of those surveyed said they felt lonely. However, people don't always talk about feelings of loneliness and don't always know what to do with these feelings.

Other than being emotionally painful, loneliness can impact people in many ways:

Depression: A 2021 study published in Lancet Psychiatry found associations between loneliness and depressive symptoms in a group of adults 50 years old and older. Research also suggests that loneliness and depression may feed off of and perpetuate each other.

Physical health: Several studies have linked emotional stress with depressed immunity. Other research links loneliness and depression with poorer health and well-being. Therefore, people who are experiencing loneliness are susceptible to a variety of health issues.

Physical pain: Research shows that the areas of the brain that deal with social exclusion are the same areas that process physical pain, adding a scientific explanation to the oft-romanticized experience of a "broken heart."

If you're experiencing loneliness, there are some things you can do about it. Below are nine strategies for dealing with loneliness.

Join a Class or Club

Whether it's an art class, exercise class, or book club, joining a class or a club automatically exposes you to a group of people who share at least one of your interests. Check your local library or community college as well as city parks and recreation departments to see what's available.

Joining a class or club can also provide a sense of belonging that comes with being part of a group. This can stimulate creativity, give you something to look forward to during the day, and help stave off loneliness.

Volunteering for a cause you believe in can provide the same benefits as taking a class or joining a club: meeting others, being part of a group, and creating new experiences. It also brings the benefits of altruism and can help you find more meaning in your life.

In addition to decreasing loneliness, this can bring greater happiness and life satisfaction. Additionally, working with those who have less than you can help you feel a deeper sense of gratitude for what you have in your own life.

Find Support Online

Because loneliness is a somewhat widespread issue, there are many people online who are looking for people to connect with. Find people with similar interests by joining Facebook or Meetup groups focused on your passions. Check to see if any apps you use, like fitness or workout apps, have a social element or discussion board to join.

You do have to be careful of who you meet over the internet (and, obviously, don't give out any personal information like your bank account number), but you can find real support, connection, and lasting friendships from people you meet online.

A word of caution: Social media can actually increase feelings of loneliness and cause FOMO, or "fear of missing out" so be sure to check in with yourself if you're starting to feel this way.

Strengthen Existing Relationships

You probably already have people in your life that you could get to know better or connections with family that could be deepened. If so, why not call friends more often, go out with them more, and find other ways to enjoy your existing relationships and strengthen bonds?

If you're struggling to find the motivation to reach out to your loved ones, it might be helpful to start slowly. Come up with just one supportive friend or family member who you could imagine reaching out to. It's also reassuring to know that strong social support is beneficial for your mental health.

Pets, especially dogs and cats, offer so many benefits, and preventing loneliness is one of them. Rescuing a pet combines the benefits of altruism and companionship, and fights loneliness in several ways.

It can connect you with other people-walking a dog opens you up to a community of other dog-walkers, and a cute dog on a leash tends to be a people magnet. Additionally, pets provide unconditional love, which can be a great salve for loneliness.

Talk to Strangers

An easy way to find connections in everyday life is by interacting in small ways with acquaintances or strangers you encounter. In fact, research shows that doing so contributes to our social and emotional well-being. So next time you grab a cup of coffee or see your neighbor on a walk, strike up a conversation. You might just find you feel happier afterward.

Do you have a smartphone that you frequently check while out and about? Think about putting it away a bit more. Whether you're looking up directions or checking the news while waiting in line, research suggests that technology can get in the way of social opportunities.

Practice Self-Care

When you're feeling lonely, be sure you're doing what you can to take care of yourself in other ways. Self-care is always a good idea, but especially when you are feeling down. Eating nutritious food, exercising, and getting enough sleep will only make you feel better in the long run. Bonus: Take a workout class or join a running club for exercise and social interaction.

Distract yourself from those feelings of loneliness and make a date with yourself. Do you have a hobby you've always wanted to take up or a home improvement project that's been lingering on your to-do list? Take some time to invest in yourself and your interests and keep your mind occupied in the process.

Press Play for Advice on Loneliness

Hosted by therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast shares ways to stay strong even if you feel lonely.

Follow Now: Apple Podcasts / Spotify / Google Podcasts

See a Therapist

Research suggests that loneliness and symptoms of depression can perpetuate each other, meaning the more lonely you are, the more depressed you feel, and vice versa.

Sometimes just "getting out there" and meeting other people isn't enough. It's possible to still feel lonely when you're around them, which could actually be a sign of depression or social anxiety. If this is the case for you, it may be a good idea to seek psychotherapy to help with feelings of loneliness, especially if you also feel other symptoms of depression.

Some forms of therapy, especially cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), can help you to change your thoughts as well as your actions to help you not only experience less loneliness but have more tools to prevent it. Whatever you do to combat loneliness, know that you are truly not alone, and there are many things you can do to feel more connected.

Get Help Now

We've tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of the best online therapy programs including Talkspace, Betterhelp, and Regain. Find out which option is the best for you.

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How to Cope With Loneliness: 9 Strategies to Try

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Loneliness affects many people and carries heavy consequences aside from being emotionally painful. Check out these nine coping mechanisms the next time you're lonely.

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Crisis Text Line | Text HOME To 741741 free, 24/7 Crisis Counseling

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Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. We're here for everything: anxiety, depression, suicide, school. Text HOME to 741741.

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To develop your self-care plan, you will identify what you value and need as part of your day-to-day life ( maintenance self-care) and the strategies you can employ when or if you face a crisis along the way ( emergency self-care).

There is no "one-size-fits-all" self-care plan, but there is a common thread to all self-care plans: making a commitment to attend to all the domains of your life, including your physical and psychological health, emotional and spiritual needs, and relationships.

Steps to guide you...

Don't be overwhelmed by the steps in this process! They are simple and straightforward and will help to guide you on your path.

1. How do you cope now?

Identify what you do now to manage the stress in your life. The Lifestyle Behaviors (pdf) ( Transcript of Lifestyle Behaviors) ("Is your life causing you stress?") assessment can help you to identify the coping strategies you currently use and whether they are likely to be good (or not so good) for your well-being.

Decreasing or eliminating at least one "negative" coping strategy can be one of the goals of your maintenance self-care; employing more "positive" strategies can be another.

2. What do you do for self-care now?

The Self-Care Assessment (pdf) will help you highlight the good things you are already doing for yourself and whether there is an imbalance in the areas in which you practice self-care.

The items in this assessment can also give you some ideas for additional things you may want to do in the future to help prevent stress and burnout and to maintain and enhance your well-being. Make a note of the items that you would like to add (or add more of) to your self-care practice. In considering this, try to be sure that each domain of self-care is well represented. If you think of things that are not included in this list, just add them at the end.

3. Maintenance self-care: Adding self-care practices and eliminating obstacles

"Maintenance self-care" refers to the activities that you have identified as important to your well-being and that you have committed to engage in on a regular basis to take care of yourself.

My Maintenance Self-Care Worksheet (pdf) ( Transcript of My Maintenance Self-Care Worksheet) provides an opportunity for you to identify the activities you would like to add to your self-care practice in each self-care domain ("new practice").

It is also useful to identify possible barriers or obstacles that could get in the way of implementing and/or maintaining these new activities. Think about what you anticipate these barriers/obstacles to be (try to list at least 3 or 4 in the spaces provided), how you can address them, and how you can remind yourself to follow your plan. Write these solutions on the last page of the My Maintenance Self-Care Worksheet. If you have chosen to limit or eliminate a negative coping strategy that you currently use, note this as well.

You can revisit this topic and revise your list as the demands of your personal and professional life change.

4. Emergency self-care: Be prepared

So far we have focused on maintenance self-care: the kinds of things one does regularly to reduce stress and maintain and enhance well-being. But planning out what you would do under extremely trying circumstances, even though they are rare, is also important. To do this, develop a framework using your Emergency Self-Care worksheet (pdf) before you are faced with a crisis or feel overwhelmed. This is not to suggest that you will invariably face such a situation; the idea is to be prepared just in case.

Think of developing your emergency self-care plan in the way you would think about preparing for other possible emergency situations: it is important to figure out your plan in advance when you have the time, wherewithal, and concentration to do so effectively!

5. Make a commitment to yourself

Remember: Just like the flight attendant says, you need to put on your own oxygen mask first before you can be of help to others. So, take a moment, think it over, and then make your personal commitment to your own self-care. You deserve it!

If you find making a commitment to be a challenge, then take some time to explore your reservations. Do you have a tendency to put the needs of others first? The truth is that your self-care is not only essential to your well-being, but it is also a necessary element for you to be effective and successful in honoring your professional and personal commitments.

Preparing a plan is important; it identifies your goals and the strategies to achieve them. However your success in implementing your plan is ultimately based on the level of commitment you make to your self-care.

6. Share your plan

Once you have developed your plan and made your commitment, remember that friends, family, peers, and/or colleagues may be good additional resources for exchanging new self-care ideas/strategies and to provide support and encouragement.

Consider taking your commitment a step further by joining or starting a support or discussion group (see Tips for Starting a Support or Discussion Group).

7. Follow your plan

Now that you have completed the assessments and worksheets described above, you have identified the core elements of your personal Self-Care Plan. The final step is to implement your plan and keep track of how you are doing. Keeping track of your progress will help you recognize your successes and identify and address any difficulties you may not have anticipated. Don't forget that you can revise your plan as needed. Remember, also, to employ your emergency plan should emotionally difficult circumstances arise.

Remember that self-care is always a work in progress!

(Prepared by Lisa D. Butler, PhD, based in part on materials provided by Sandra A. Lopez, LCSW, ACSW, University of Houston, Graduate School of Social Work)

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Pinpoint your bog emotions to better seal with them.

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SEWI Self care assessment & worksheet.pdf