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by Matt Holihan

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A good romantic movie is something that anyone can enjoy, whether it is a child watching "Cinderella," a Teenager watching "10 Things I Hate About You", or an Adult watching "The Notebook." These movies are entertaining and comforting to watch when going through a breakup, falling in love, or even having a fun night in. Media consumed during our formative years can have a lasting impact on our beliefs and behaviors. When watching these funny romance movies, you might think nothing of it. In reality, these movies can cause extreme harm to a person's mental health. It is essential to be mindful of the messages and values portrayed in movies, especially regarding children and adolescents. Excessive exposure to romantic movies during formative years can create unrealistic and idealized expectations of relationships, leading to warped perceptions of love, distorted gender roles, and ultimately setting up unrealistic standards that can negatively impact future romantic relationships.

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"Cinderella" a movie watched by numerous youth

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One way romance movies are damaging is that they create warped perceptions of romance. These movies often portray unhealthy relationship dynamics and unrealistic expectations, leading people to believe love should always be dramatic and passionate rather than based on mutual respect and communication. Unger writes, "Watching romantic movies may... [provide] individuals with ideas about how to show love and affection, as well as how to deal with conflicts and obstacles that arise in relationships" (Unger).

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"The Notebook" A relationship youth wish to experience after watching. Unger emphasizes the fact of separating media from reality. 

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He argues that romantic movies can give individuals ideas on expressing love and affection and handling relationship conflicts and obstacles. However, if these movies are the only reference point and individuals need more real-life experience, their understanding of relationships could be more accurate and realistic. It is essential to balance media portrayals with actual experiences. In a video titled "romantic comedies ruined my love life... UNTIL NOW," Noelle talks about how Romantic Movies emphasize men treating women wrong, like in the video below.

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Noelle talks about how romantic comedies promote unhealthy relationships to youth

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romantic comedies ruined my love life... UNTIL NOW

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These movies make ideas like danger and cheating seem okay, forcing individuals to normalize them in relationships. This can negatively affect how people perceive and handle their relationships, leading to a normalization of toxic behavior and unhealthy dynamics. Promoting healthy and respectful relationships in the media is vital to counteract these harmful messages. Another author who speaks on romantic movies creating warped perceptions of romance is Sandhya Joseph Robin. Talking about children, Robin writes, "Romantic movies can instill the belief that having a partner is the only key to happiness" (Robin). Romantic movies can create the belief that being with a partner is the only way to happiness. This idea is highly untrue. Children watching these movies should learn about self-love over romantic love. Watching romantic movies is not necessarily harmful as long as it is taught to children that they are works of fiction and not real life. In "27 Dresses" throughout the movie, Katherine Heigl's character is shown as the "Bridesmaid, never the Bride." She is portrayed as bubbly but only sometimes satisfied. This is until the end scene shown below. Katherine and James' wedding is painted to be the most anticipated moment of her life, enabling young girls that their wedding day will be their happiest moment. Clearly, by promoting violence, making relationships seem unrealistic, and instilling the belief that people MUST be in relationships, romantic movies create warped perceptions of romance and damage the youth consuming this media.

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"27 Dresses" Promoting the need to get married 

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Another way romance movies are damaging is that they create distorted gender roles in society. An idea that society deems "normal" is that the Man should be proposing to the Woman. To this day, some people frown upon the Woman proposing first, and one factor influencing this idea is romantic movies. That is just one of the many examples of how romantic movies enforce gender roles. Romantic comedies often depict men as strong, confident, and assertive, while women are portrayed as more emotional, nurturing, and submissive. Megan Garber at the Atlantic wrote, "The romantic comedy, in its very bones, is a genre designed to keep the status quo intact, to reassure viewers that the world they see on the screen is essentially the world they know" (Garber). Garber suggests that the romantic comedy genre is designed to reinforce existing societal norms and values rather than challenge them. It implies that romantic comedies can create a narrow view of the world and relationships that can limit diversity and perpetuate traditional gender roles. Furthermore, Garber argues that the genre often portrays women as passive and needing male validation, which can harm young girls who consume these films and internalize these messages. This reinforces the idea that women's worth is based on their relationships with men rather than their individuality and achievements.

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The Main characters in "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" once the plot is revealed

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One movie that enforces these ideas is "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days". In this movie, once the extensive plot line is revealed, the female character gets emotional and cries, whereas the male character gets angry. Not only does this portray stereotypes, but it also lets young boys think they cannot get upset over things and are solely angry. With men believing these ideas, it can also lead to them treating women with their "anger" because they cannot healthily express their emotions. Garber also states, "The romantic comedy tends to approach diversity as a complication to be solved rather than as an asset to be celebrated" (Garber). This phrase implies that the romantic comedy genre frequently views diversity as a problem to be fixed rather than a valuable asset to be appreciated. It suggests that the genre's emphasis on traditional relationship types and gender norms may exclude or marginalize those who do not fall into these restrictive categories. In conclusion, Another way romance movies are damaging is that they have the potential to reinforce harmful gender roles and limit diversity in society. By enforcing these stereotypes on children, society is at risk of aiding unhealthy relationships to form.

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One final example of romance movies being damaging is that they negatively impact current relationships. This is because people may develop unrealistic expectations of their partner or relationship based on what they see in movies, leading to disappointment and dissatisfaction. In his capstone project, Tonah P. Merritt writes, "For example, when a woman sees an idealized romantic relationship on television, she may make comments to her partner about how she wants her relationship to be like the one that is played on T.V. or may even bring up a situation when her partner may have hurt her in the past, and he needs to change and be more like the couple on television" (Merritt). Exposure to romantic relationships in media can lead to unrealistic expectations and even pressure on real-life partners to live up to idealized portrayals. For instance, a woman may compare her own relationship to the idealized one portrayed on T.V. and pressure her partner to change to fit that mold. This can create tension and dissatisfaction in the relationship. One study found "the habits of successful couples, and their less fortunate counterparts, have found watching romantic comedies causes relationship satisfaction to plummet" (Turco). The reason behind this is because the more someone sees some "Prince Charming" or "Cool Girl" figure on screen, the more someone looks at their partner with stains on their shirt, performing the bare minimum and wishing they had what was on the screen. Although these characters on screen are doing amazing things, such as "running through an airport with a dozen roses to declare their feelings for their partners" (Turco), it is unrealistic for someone to expect that kind of behavior.

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Real life man, not the one seen on screens

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Another way they negatively impact current relationships is because they can lead people to stay in unhealthy or toxic relationships. They accomplish this by believing love will eventually overcome any issues or hardships. Furthermore, this might lead to the assumption that if a relationship does not work out, it was not "meant to be," rather than acknowledging that good relationships involve work and effort. In conclusion, romance movies are damaging because they negatively impact current relationships by creating crazy standards and letting people stay in unhealthy or toxic relationships.

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While it is essential to recognize the harmful effects of romantic movies, it is crucial to recognize that these negative impacts do not apply to all romantic films. Robin found that "individuals who endorsed romantic ideals stayed more committed in their relationship and also experienced stronger and more intense feelings of love in comparison to those who did not endorse romantic ideals." (Robin). Therefore stating that romantic movies will create sparks in people making them more "romance oriented." Becoming more into romance will allow a person to give the grand gestures that movies portray, making relationships seem as realistic as they are on T.V. When finding the right person, romantic movies can actually be the key to success in relationships. Although negative, there are also some positive aspects of these over the top movies.

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Infographic noting the positive and negative aspects of relationships

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In conclusion, Excessive exposure to romantic movies during formative years can create unrealistic and idealized expectations of relationships, leading to warped perceptions of love, distorted gender roles, and ultimately setting up unrealistic standards that can negatively impact future romantic relationships. By balancing media portrayals with real-life experiences, individuals can develop a more accurate and realistic understanding of relationships. Overall, romantic movies can be entertaining, but we should approach them critically and thoughtfully, recognizing their potential impacts on our beliefs and behaviors.

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"Life as we Know it" Authors' favorite romantic movie

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Garber, Megan. “How Rom-COMS Distort Romance.” The Atlantic, Atlantic Media Company, 2 Nov. 2016, www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2016/11/its-rom-coms-fault-too/505928/.

“Life as We Know It.” Google Play, play-lh.googleusercontent.com/proxy/YlzwcoyqxLX2hMIzzbQczNzX2KoHUw1_IXCpx6FdWY47Hme5ohWw3MGlAC7tR_owX94fzCj9qa3GqHyklOFbXtz0_9K0X3DSAh9z0BTXlvIO1sq_mGySDX0=s1920-w1920-h1080.

Lucien, Noelle, director. YouTube, YouTube, 21 Oct. 2020, www.youtube.com/watch?v=KsD9Ldw13y8.

“Man With Stains.” Insider, Insider, i.insider.com/5bb270420114550f3969ff54?width=1000&format=jpeg&auto=webp.

Merritt, Tonoah P. “How T.V. Promotes an Unrealistic Image of Romantic Relationships.” Governors State University , Governors State University , 2010, opus.govst.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1373&context=capstones.

Pinterest. “27 Dresses Quote.” Https://I.pinimg.com/Originals/6a/f3/d0/6af3d0a0a47aaa50d12a18ee9b1b1fbb.Jpg.

Pinterest. “Quote from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.” Pinterest, i.pinimg.com/originals/66/ca/10/66ca10d8a386e785913ec5d7c0f29803.jpg.

Robin, Sandhya Joseph. “Effect of Romantic Movies on a Child's Mental Health.” Medindia, www.medindia.net/patients/lifestyleandwellness/effect-of-romantic-movies-on-a-childs-mental-health.htm#about.

Turco, Teresa. “Romantic Comedies Give Unrealistic Impression of What Relationships Are.” The Badger Herald, 11 Feb. 2016, badgerherald.com/opinion/2016/02/10/romantic-comedies-give-unrealistic-impression-of-what-relationships-are/.

Ungar, Michael. “Does Watching Romantic Movies Help Your Love Life Flourish?” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/nurturing-resilience/202302/does-watching-romantic-movies-help-your-love-life-flourish#:~:text=People%20who%20watch%20romantic%20television,they%20may%20make%20relationships%20better.