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I am Shantal Mae Rodriguez, a person of contrasts. I am someone who enjoys being alone but also loves traveling and road trips. I can be loud and cheerful at times, yet I cherish peace and quiet. I like eating alone, but I’m not lonely. I can be social when I want, but dealing with large groups tires me. I grew up learning to handle my emotions on my own. I’ve wiped my own tears and carried my burdens without leaning on others. I became the listener, the comforter, and the healer for others, but I never had someone to do the same for me.

People sometimes judge me for my attitude, style, or the way I express myself, but I don’t let that bother me. I don’t pretend to be someone I’m not. I’ve realized it’s better to be real than to live for others’ approval.

I am a mixture of different moods. Some days I’m full of energy and laughter; other days, I’m quiet and reflective. I’ve learned to embrace these parts of me. They make me who I am. Life has taught me that it’s okay to be both strong and vulnerable. At the end of the day, I am just me, unapologetically.

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My biggest fear is not about what others think of me, but about disappointing myself. I am afraid of failing to live up to the expectations I set for myself and the quiet hopes my parents have for me. My parents never put pressure on me about academics, but I can feel their silent belief in my abilities. I fear hearing words like, “I thought you were smart, what happened?” because deep down, I also thought I was great. Sometimes I feel like I’m just average, keeping up but not truly excelling.

I used to be so driven, always working hard to get good grades and prove my worth. But now, I’ve lost that spark. I don’t try as hard, and my mind often drifts away in class. I’m scared of failing, yet I don’t put in as much effort as I used to.

More than failure, I fear regret—regret that I didn’t give my best, that I let opportunities slip by because I doubted myself. My fear keeps me awake at night, thinking of what I could’ve done better. But it also reminds me of why I need to keep going, even when I feel lost.

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What keeps me going is the hope for a better future. I dream of a time when I can look back and be proud of how far I’ve come. I imagine a version of myself who wakes up without heavy thoughts, who can enjoy life without guilt or regrets.

I hold on to the support of those who silently root for me—the people who clap for my victories and speak kindly about me when I’m not around. Knowing that I’m not alone, even when it feels like it, gives me strength.

I also find motivation in small victories and simple joys. Sometimes, it’s just the hope of having a peaceful day or the thought of achieving a small goal. I remind myself that life doesn’t always have to be perfect; progress, no matter how small, it is still a progress.

I dream of traveling, living freely, and overcoming my struggles. These dreams push me forward, even on my hardest days. I know there will come a time when I can sit down, smile, and tell myself, “You made it.” That thought alone gives me the courage to face each day, no matter how tough it gets.