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1. I showed how my grandpa has meant so much to me for my whole life. I also showed how he has taught me many things about how to walk through life.

2. The feedback I got was to vary the sentence type that I'm writing with. I also need to cut a lot of words to get closer to the word limit.

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1. I showed growth because I started my journey as a young insecure girl, and by the end I knew who I was and I was confident in myself.

2. Wording-took that into account

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1. I showed personal growth by describing how track helped me become more driven and resilient, and taught me to put in the hard work for my dreams.

2. I need to work on my punctuation and making my sentences more complex. I'm going to correct all grammatical errors and use more unique and varied vocabulary.

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1. I showed I growth mindset by sharing how my injury shifted my focus on more important things

2. I need to more obviously show the 'so what" moment. I plan to do this by separating my last paragraph into two, to make it easier to find the application piece.

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1. I showed growth by explaining how I went from being a runner on the cross-country team to a manager.

2. I have some grammatical errors I need to correct, and I need to show, not tell

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1. I expressed vulnerability by showing how a specific activity connects to me on a deeper level. I used the activity to also show some of my values, such as perseverance, exploring, etc.

2. I can work on my showing later on. While I started off strong, it is brought up that the last paragraph felt very telling. I will plan on connecting the first paragraph's story back to the last, in order to help it flow better and show the story.

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1. i showed growth through my experience growing to love playing the piano, and using it to my advantage

2. I have a lot of grammatical errors to fix and im going to jazz up my vocab more

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1. I showed growth by showing the difference it made for me when my friends came through for me in a rough time. It changed the way I viewed kindness and acting on your word because of what they did for me.

2. I want to have stronger core values represented. I think a good one to involve would be truth. I could show this by commenting on how they being true to their word and meaning what they were saying made a huge impact on me.

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1. I showed growth by realizing how important the small moments are with my mom, even if that is just singing songs in the car.

2. I need to make my essay more about me and how the topic affects me and less about the topic in general. I need to replace a lot of the dull words with better and more exciting ones.

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1. I showed growth by describing my relationship with my mom and how she got me through a lot of anxiety in my childhood.

2. I needed to clarify little pieces of information and fix some grammatical things.

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1. I showed my developing interest in service and how I've developed a love for it, along with my work with dogs.

2. I need to add more specific examples and more details about how certain events have changed me.

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1. I described my realization of wanting to become a social worker and why. I use vulnerability to express my passion for helping kids and I develop this throughout my paper.

2. I got feedback to 'show not tell'. Someone suggested that I should include a story or interaction between me and one of my foster children that moves my story along and expresses my point.

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1. I showed personal growth in my essay by learning where I wanted to go to college. However, at the same time, my essay starts with me being a husker and ends the same way.

2. I had specific grammatical mistakes and a sentence change, but overall I think I'm close to being done

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1. I showed growth in how I went from feeling like I couldn't understand my cousin with special needs, not wanting to spend time with him, and wanting to give up while tutoring him feeling like I couldn't reach him, to cultivating empathy and patience, enjoying the moment with him, valuing his example of strength and wanting to imitate him, and being motivated to impact other's lives from his example.

2. I had an opportunity to "show and not tell" the advice I gave my cousin, and I can do that by adding more dialogue instead of just saying I gave advice. I also have some grammatical errors and poor word choice, and I will improve that by re-reading the sentences and finding more powerful, specific words.

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1. I showed the change that came through almost losing my mom at a young age. I showed growth as I searched for what faith meant as a child.

2. I need to make some grammatical changes and make sure I don't have run-on sentences.

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1. I wrote about my love and admiration for music, and how it affects my daily life. I showed personal growth by explaining how I have learned to cope and being able to adequately express and be myself.

2. I need to work on breaking up my sentences to help the flow of my paper and add more specific details regarding how music makes me feel in certain situations.

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Plans for Revision Essay 4 - Izzy Grosskopf

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Plans for Revision Essay 4 - Izzy Grosskopf

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1. In my essay, I demonstrate growth in my relationship with my horse, as well as in understanding more of the science behind how horses think. I showed my growth through observations of my horses' behavior, a description of an experience I had with my horses, and through describing my trainer who has taught me a lot about holistic horsemanship.

2. I received feedback on expressing more vulnerability. I plan to achieve that through describing in more detail how not being able to communicate with my horse well impacted me and what provoked me to change.

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1. I showed personal growth by realizing that the world might not think exactly the same way as I do about the topic of racism (which I didn't realize when I was younger), because many do not have my same perspective.

2. I think I can work on cutting down my paper so that it fits the word count better. I could also fix some of the sentence fluency and personal growth (expand on it more or go back to my personal growth in the conclusion).

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1. I showed personal growth by describing how learning to bake bread with my grandpa taught me critical life lessons.

2. I need to work on my vocabulary and writing craft. I plan on doing this by fixing word repetition. I also need to mix up my sentence structures.

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1. I showed, through the interaction with my cousin, how small acts of kindness can have the biggest impact on me. It also helped me to understand that I don't just have to rely on myself - community makes us stronger.

2. I can work on some grammar, sentence structure, and change a few words so they are stronger.

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1. I showed personal growth in this essay by sharing about how the silence was loud, but eventually I got comfortable in the silence.

2. I had grammatical errors/word choice that I need to correct to make my essay better. I also was told to expand on some memories for a clearer message.

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Put your name at the top of a padlet.

1. Based on personal knowledge of the intent of your essay writing, what personal growth did you show through your narrative, and how did you show it?

2. What is one or two areas on the rubric that you received peer feedback on, that you are going to work on? How do you specifically plan on achieving that?