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1. Overly controlling behavior

People that try to control your decisions, beliefs, and what you do are most likely concerned about what they want rather than what is best for you which is a strong sign of Overly controlling behavior.

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2. Lack of trust

Trust is an important foundation in any healthy relationship. A major sign of an unstable relationship is when partners, friends, or family members distrust you.

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3. Physical, emotional, or mental abuse

Physical abuse is easier to pick up but emotional and mental abuse can be just as damaging in the long run. Physical abuse, mental abuse, and emotional abuse can cause PTSD.

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4. Codependency

Codependency is a pervasive pattern that causes issues such as emotional exhaustion and increasing mental load. This happens when two people rely on each other exclusively for emotional, psychological, and even physical support.

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5. Gaslighting

a manipulation "tactician" is an insidious form of emotional abuse in which the manipulator will make you question your own sanity or judgments.

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Gaslighting Stock Photos and Pictures - 1,558 Images | Shutterstock

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Find Gaslighting stock images in HD and millions of other royalty-free stock photos, illustrations and vectors in the Shutterstock collection. Thousands of new, high-quality pictures added every day.

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6. Negatively affecting your relationship with family and friends

If someone in your life is negatively affecting your relationship with those you love that is not healthy and healthy relationships should never come at the cost of other healthy relationships with family or others.

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It is vital to read this if your man is pulling away, ignore at your own risk…

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7. Violent Displays

demonstrates violence toward you, loved ones, strangers, and even animals is a serious red flag. It indicates they haven’t developed a healthy way to properly channel their emotions.

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Dr. Daryl Appleton has revealed the common mistakes that cause relationship arguments to escalate. Getty Images/iStockphoto

Arguing with your partner or spouse is never enjoyable.

Regardless of what you're fighting about, these arguments often escalate and leave both parties feeling guilty or hurt.

A psychotherapist and executive coach named Dr. Daryl Appleton revealed there are a few common mistakes most of us make while arguing that end up escalating the fight.

She also offered ways to avoid these mistakes.

YOU ARGUE ABOUT MORE THAN ONE THING AT A TIME

In the heat of the moment, many of us start bringing up past fights and piling all the things we're angry about into one sentence.

Dr. Appleton said this prevents a couple from targeting the root of the original issue, and said we should instead focus on one topic and address the other issues at a later time.

If you notice the conversation taking an unrelated turn, call it out and get back on track.

BLAMING LANGUAGE

A blame game ‚ saying "you do this and that" - is never fun.

Dr. Appleton said to instead use language that emphasizes how you feel.

Rather than saying "you never listen," say: "I feel hurt because I don't feel like I'm being heard."

GENERALIZING

Instead of using hyperbolic language that can make your partner feel powerless, focus on what you're feeling in that moment. Don't generalize.

Behaviors like these signal aggression and tell your partner that you're not open to a conversation.

Instead, look your partner in the eye and speak with your hands open so that you seem more relaxed.

CRITICIZING TOO HARSHLY

When we're angry, we often take that anger and turn it into verbal attacks against our partner's character, without acknowledging any of their good traits.

Dr. Appleton said the best solution to this is what she calls "the confrontation sandwich."

Before you deliver a confrontational sentence about your partner's behavior, you can start by reminding them why you love them. And after you tell them what's bothering you, you end the sentence by telling them how much you care about working it out.

NAME-CALLING AND CURSING

This kind of bullying language is not helpful.

"When that happens, it's a shutdown of communication," Dr. Appleton said. "You're not fighting about the topic anymore - you're attacking a person's character and you're attacking who they are."

Instead, when you notice yourself getting worked up, take a break to breathe and relax.

This will help you regroup so you don't impulsively attack your partner with hurtful words.

WRONG TIME

Although it can be tempting to argue with your partner as soon as they do the thing that bothers you, it does more harm than good to argue in a space that doesn't feel private or safe.

Instead, Dr. Appleton said you and your partner should agree on a time and place to work out the issue that doesn't bring on additional stress.

This waiting will also give you time to reflect and relax before you enter the conversation clear-headed.

TOO TIRED OR HUNGRY

We've all been sleep-deprived or hangry before.

If you decide to start an argument when you're not in a level headspace like when you're drinking, it will likely turn ugly.

Another relationship expert, Dr. Goldman-Wetzler said to consider the theory called Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.

It states that basic physiological needs should be met before people can pursue more advanced needs like love and belonging.

If you aren't well-rested, fed, and relaxed, Dr. Goldman-Wetzler said, "you should not be trying to have an argument or a tough conversation."

YOU KEEP FIGHTING

When a conversation turns into a screaming match, it becomes unproductive.

If you get to this point, you need to take a pause and revisit the conversation later.

"There needs to be that communication of, we've realized that this is not going anywhere healthy, we've realized that we do need to talk about it, but let's put parameters in," said Dr. Appleton.

"And I usually suggest for my clients, if you're going to walk away, it cannot be more than 24 hours - you need to address it soon because then it just gets swept under the rug."

SILENT TREATMENT

When you shut down like this your partner feels like there is no getting through to you.

Instead, stop focusing on the problems at hand and just try to come up with a collaborative solution.

FOCUS ON DIFFERENCES

Instead of emphasizing all the ways you and your partner differ, think intensely about the underlying similarities between the two of you.

"So often it seems like our values are clashing," said Dr. Goldman-Wetzler.

"And when we go a level deeper we discover that our values are much more similar than we realize."
This story originally appeared on and has been reproduced here with permission.

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11 mistakes you're making that escalate arguments with your partner

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Psychotherapist and executive coach Dr. Daryl Appleton revealed there are a few common mistakes most of us make while arguing with our significant others that end up escalating the fight.

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8. They make you feel bad about yourself

When you feel bad about yourself because of your partner constantly making hateful comments on your appearance, choices, and opinions or not turning things on you.

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9. The relationship is all about them.

Where they ignore your problems, insecurities, etc

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10. They cheat on you.

When your partner consistently cheats behind your back or even with you knowing and doesn't care. And tries to come back even after knowing what they did.

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11. They’re secretive.

When they hide something from you or dont tell you certain things in a story.

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12. Physical Aggression

when they touch you physically in a argument etc.

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13. Verbal Abuse

When they talk to you negatively and call you multiple slurs or bad things.

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14. Moving too Fast

When your partner wants to do things you dont and keeps pushing to get what they want.

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15. Untreated Mental Health Issues

People with untreated mental health issues tend to someone who shows them any little affection which can lead to bad things.

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16. Isolation

when your partner isolates you from the things you want to do or people you hang out with because of physical attachment, jealousy, or hatred

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17. Love Bombing

When your partner could be ghosting or not communicating and then buying lots of things you like to distract you from what happened

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18. They Try To Change You

When someone tries to change the way you look, and act for there personal need.

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19. Ghosting

when they constantly dont talk to you for hours but when they do, act like nothing happened.

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20. Poor Relationships with Others

People with a poor relationship with other but has a good one with you tend to eventually have that same bad and argumentative relationship