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Abuse isn't just physical there are different types of abuse.
1. Physical- This is the type of abuse that many people think of when they hear the word 'abuse' It can include punching, hitting, slapping, kicking, strangling,

2. Sexual- Sexual abuse can include both physical and non-physical components. It can involve rape or other forced sexual acts, or withholding or using sex as a weapon. An abusive partner might also use sex to judge their partner and assign a value. It wasn't until 1993 that marital rape was illegal in all 50 states.

3.Verbal/Emotional- The effects of verbal/emotional abuse are harder to spot, and harder to prove. Emotional scars can often take longer to heal. "I didn't think I was abused because he didn't hit me- usually," one survivor said.

4.Mental/Psychological- Mental or psychological abuse happens when one partner wears away at the other's sense of mental wellbeing. It often involves making the victim doubt their own sanity. Victims often hesitate to tell anyone about the abuse they're experiencing, for fear they won't be believed. "He had called me crazy so many times, I was unsure if anyone would ever believe me," one woman said.

5.Financial/Economic- Abuser will use any means necessary to maintain power and control over a victim's finances. Financial abuse is often a big reason why someone is unable to leave an abusive relationship. Social safety nets such as food stamps, cash assistance, and health insurance can provide a much-needed bridge.

6.Cultural/Identity- Cultural abuse happens when abusers use aspects of a victim's particular cultural identity to inflict suffering, or as a means of control. Not letting someone observe the dietary or dress customs of their faith, using racial slurs, threatening

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March 23, 2017

The commonly held definition of abuse, which we use in all of our trainings, is "a pattern of behavior used by one person to gain and maintain power and control over another." One thing to note about that definition is that we are talking about a pattern of behavior, in other words, not just one incident. These behaviors can take on a number of different forms. Many people, when they hear the word "abuse," think of physical violence. It's important to note that physical force is one means of power and control and it is far from the only one. It's often not the first one an abuser will use. Below are six different types of abuse we discuss in our training with new volunteers or employees.
1. Physical
This is the type of abuse that many people think of when they hear the word 'abuse.' It can include punching, hitting, slapping, kicking, strangling, or physically restraining a partner against their will. It can also include driving recklessly or invading someone's physical space, and in any other way making someone feel physically unsafe.
2. Sexual
While sexual abuse can be a form of physical abuse, we put it in a category by itself because it can include both physical and non-physical components. It can involve rape or other forced sexual acts, or withholding or using sex as a weapon. An abusive partner might also use sex as a means to judge their partner and assign a value - in other words, criticizing or saying that someone isn't good enough at sex, OR that sex is the only thing they're good for. Because sex can be so loaded with emotional and cultural implications, there are any number of ways that the feelings around it can be uniquely used for power and control. It wasn't until 1993 that marital rape was illegal in all 50 states, so some people may still assume that sex is something a partner is entitled to, and not recognize it as a larger pattern of power and control.
3. Verbal/Emotional
As one survivor puts it, "My ex-husband used words like weapons; like shards of glass, cutting and slowly draining my life, until I had nearly none left. I didn't think I was abused because he didn't hit me- usually... I had begun to believe his awful lies- how worthless I was, how stupid, how ugly, and how no one would ever want me." Other survivors have pointed out that while the signs of physical abuse might be noticeable to a friend or family member, the effects of verbal/emotional abuse are harder to spot, and harder to prove. Emotional scars can often take longer to heal.
4. Mental/Psychological
Mental or psychological abuse happens when one partner, through a series of actions or words, wears away at the other's sense of mental wellbeing and health. It often involves making the victim doubt their own sanity. We've heard stories of abusers deliberately moving car keys (and in one case, the whole car!) or a purse, dimming the lights, and flat-out denying that certain things had taken place. The result of this, especially over a sustained period of time - and often with the isolation that abusers also tend to use - is that the victim depends on the abuser more and more because they don't trust their own judgment. They also hesitate to tell anyone about the abuse they're experiencing, for fear they won't be believed. Angela, a participant in one of our Support Groups, said, "He had called me crazy so many times, I was unsure if anyone would ever believe me about the abuse."
5. Financial/Economic
Because abuse is about power and control, an abuser will use any means necessary to maintain that control, and often that includes finances. Whether it is controlling all of the budgeting in the household and not letting the survivor have access to their own bank accounts or spending money, or opening credit cards and running up debts in the survivor's name, or simply not letting the survivor have a job and earn their own money, this type of abuse is often a big reason why someone is unable to leave an abusive relationship. Many of the survivors we work with have problems with their credit, because of an abuser's past behavior. A bad credit history can affect your ability to get an apartment, a job, a car loan, and any number of other things necessary for self-sufficiency. We work with survivors to get these issues resolved, but social safety nets such as food stamps, cash assistance, and health insurance can provide a much-needed bridge in the meantime.
6. Cultural/Identity
Cultural abuse happens when abusers use aspects of a victim's particular cultural identity to inflict suffering, or as a means of control. Not letting someone observe the dietary or dress customs of their faith, using racial slurs, threatening to 'out' someone as LGBQ/T if their friends and family don't know, or isolating someone who doesn't speak the dominant language where they live - all of these are examples of cultural abuse.

An abusive relationship can include any or all of these types of behaviors, sustained over a period of time and often escalating. If you or someone you care about is experiencing this and you want to talk to someone about your concerns, REACH's hotline is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Call 1-800-899-4000 to speak with a trained advocate who will listen without judgment.

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The commonly held definition of abuse, which we use in all of our trainings, is "a pattern of behavior used by one person to gain and maintain power and control over another." One thing to note about that definition is that we are talking about a pattern of behavior, in other words, not just one [...]

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Physical abuse includes striking, kicking, burning, biting, hair pulling, choking, throwing, shoving, whipping or any other action that injures a child. Even if the caregiver didn’t mean to cause injury, when the child is injured it is abuse. Physical discipline from a parent that does not injure or impair a child is not considered abuse; however non-violent alternatives are always available.Physical abuse can result in:Bruises, blisters, burns, cuts and scratches Internal injuries, brain damage Broken bones, sprains, dislocated joints Emotional and psychological harm Lifelong injury, death

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Physical abuse includes striking, kicking, burning, biting, hair pulling, choking, throwing, shoving, whipping or any other action that injures a child. Even if the caregiver didn’t mean to cause injury, when the child is injured it is abuse. Physical discipline from a parent that does not injure or impair a child is not considered abuse; however non-violent alternatives are always available.Physical abuse can result in:Bruises, blisters, burns, cuts and scratches Internal injuries, brain damage Broken bones, sprains, dislocated joints Emotional and psychological harm Lifelong injury, death

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1. A quarter of all adults report having been physically abused as children

2. Every year, there are an estimated 41,000 homicide death is children under 15 years of age

3. One in five women and one in 13 men report having been sexually abused as a child

4. In 2014, children comprised 28 percent of detected trafficking victims

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¹ World Health Organization Media Centre Fact Sheet. Violence Against Children, February 2018.

² World Health Organization Media Centre Fact Sheet N°150. Child Maltreatment, September 2016.

³ UNODC, Global Report on Trafficking in Persons 2016 (United Nations publication, Sales No. E.16.IV.6).

⁴ endviolenceagainstchildren.org

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Child Abuse is Worldwide. Protect Vulnerable Children.

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1 World Health Organization Media Centre Fact Sheet. Violence Against Children, February 2018. 2 World Health Organization Media Centre Fact Sheet N°150. Child Maltreatment, September 2016. 3 UNODC, Global Report on Trafficking in Persons 2016 (United Nations publication, Sales No. E.16.IV.6). 4 endviolenceagainstchildren.org

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kid violence can result in physical injuries, sexually transmitted infections, unplanned pregnancy and even death. I don't get how people get satisfied by doing these type of things to children. All children have the right to be protected from violence, exploitation and abuse.

In every case, virtually every offender was a man and almost all the victims were women and children
Just like domestic violence, all of these scandals were able to continue for outrageously long periods because we don’t take domestic violence and sexual assault seriously. We do not use best practices to send a message to abusers that they will suffer consequences for this intolerable behavior. The ACE research demonstrates the harm from this tolerance is far greater than previously realized.  This also means that the benefits to society will be enormous when we make a high priority of ending domestic violence and sexual abuse.

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notes

Imagine what would happen if abusers were actually held accountable for their crimes
In this final part of Barry Goldstein's series, the former attorney, long-time domestic violence advocate and editorial advisor for DomesticShelters.org, talks about the privilege men experience that allows many of them to continue to abuse women and children unchecked. Visit these links to read Part I and Part II.
The United States has tolerated many gender-based scandals. In every case, virtually every offender was a man and almost all the victims were women and children. The scandals include sexual assault on college campuses; sexual assault in the military, Catholic Church, Penn State, Boy Scouts; sexual assault of Olympic athletes; and sexual assault and harassment that launched the #MeToo movement.

The next scandal likely to be more fully exposed is the widespread failure of our custody courts to protect children from dangerous predators. In my view, the worst scandal is one we don't often speak about. Based on the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) research, we allow one-quarter of all children to be sexually abused by the time they reach 18.

Just like domestic violence, all of these scandals were able to continue for outrageously long periods because we don't take domestic violence and sexual assault seriously. We do not use best practices to send a message to abusers that they will suffer consequences for this intolerable behavior. The ACE research demonstrates the harm from this tolerance is far greater than previously realized. This also means that the benefits to society will be enormous when we make a high priority of ending domestic violence and sexual abuse.

T. Christian Miller and Ken Armstrong wrote an important story for The Marshall Project. "An Unbelievable Story of Rape," deservedly won a Pulitzer Prize. They tell the story of a rapist with a law enforcement background who raped a young woman. The woman courageously reported his attack, but shortly thereafter the police decided she made it up. They brought criminal charges and she eventually pled guilty to making false charges. Years later, the rapist was arrested for another rape and they found pictures on his computer of the first woman that he took during the rape. The rapist was allowed to commit the additional rapes because the police resolved a real crime by disbelieving a vulnerable victim. (It has since been made into a Netflix series called Unbelievable.)

The bias against believing women and children, particularly about sexual assault is an important factor for tolerating domestic violence and sexual assault. One of the victims in the Penn State scandal was asked why he didn't report the crime sooner. He told the reporter he didn't think anyone would believe him and he has good reason for his concern.

Saunders is a major research study from the National Institute of Justice in the U.S. Justice Department about the knowledge of judges, lawyers and evaluators regarding domestic violence. The study found that professionals without the specific knowledge needed tended to focus on the myth that mothers frequently make false reports. This mistaken assumption led to decisions that hurt children. Saunders cited the Bala Study that found in the context of custody disputes mothers made deliberate false reports less than 2 percent of the time.

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Context is critically important in understanding domestic violence and sexual assault. We live in a society where men enjoy far more power and privilege than women. Men are treated as if they are more valuable and more credible than women. Parents and grandparents who love their girls routinely praise them mostly for their beauty. As a society, men are taught that the value of girls and women has to do with their beauty, body parts and having sex with them. Girls receive the same false and harmful messages. Not everyone believes or acts on these messages, but this widespread belief is related to domestic violence and sexual assault.

Men are victims of assaults by their female partners. While this is criminal and the men deserve support, at the same time, we must not allow a false equivalency between men and women regarding domestic violence. Domestic violence homicide in heterosexual relationships is more than three times more likely to be committed by men. Many of the murders committed by women are a form of self-defense, but legally we still use a male standard for self-defense.

Almost the entire need for emergency shelter related to domestic violence is for women. Most serious injuries and emergency room visits are by women. It is common for women to be afraid that their partner will kill or seriously injure them. They often do what he wants because of this fear. Men rarely suffer this kind of fear. Based on the Bala Study, men in custody disputes are 16 times more likely to make false reports than women.

For centuries, husbands were allowed and even encouraged to control, discipline and assault their wives. There was never any equivalent right for wives to control their husbands. Although the laws have changed, many people, particularly men, are still influenced by this history. At the same time boys and men are socialized to be more violent and they are usually bigger and stronger than their female intimate partners. This context must be considered both in individual cases and when making policy.

Contrary to the oversized influence of fathers' rights groups, there is no benefit to tolerating domestic violence. Based on the ACE research, using best practices to prevent domestic violence would change society in the most fundamental and beneficial ways. Although it is unlikely the U.S. could save the full trillion-dollar annual expenditure to tolerate DV, saving hundreds of billions is both realistic and game-changing.

The reduction in healthcare costs means employers could afford to pay higher wages. Savings from reduced crime would both lower taxes and provide resources for important investments. The benefits of allowing women and children to reach their full potential are hard to imagine or calculate. This would be like adding an extra engine to power our economy.

The human benefits are even greater. Our present level of cancer, heart disease, diabetes, mental illness, substance abuse, suicide, crime and many other health and social problems is based on our long history of tolerating behavior we now would call domestic violence and child abuse. Reducing these scourges of society will increase life expectancy and the quality of life.

We can learn what a Kayden Mancuso could have accomplished with her life. We can save boys and girls from ever playing the "penis game" during their childhoods. (See Part II of this story to learn more.) More generally, children could avoid exposure to ACEs and thereby avoid living with the fear and stress that causes so much harm. Violence and mass shootings would be prevented when children are not exposed to so many ACEs.

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It is easy to ignore this message. Please don't. We and the millions of people who use this non-profit website to prevent and escape domestic violence rely on your donations. A gift of $5 helps 25 people, $20 helps 100 people and $100 helps 500 people. Please help keep this valuable resource online.

Preventing domestic violence will not be easy, but we know how. We need to follow and update the successful practices from communities that have demonstrated how to prevent domestic violence crime. We need to take domestic violence and other gendered crimes seriously. This requires accountability and monitoring. This means strict enforcement of criminal laws, protective orders and probation rules. Society must promote practices that make it easier for victims to leave. We need to promote and expand coordinated community responses. Custody courts must integrate current scientific research and use a multi-disciplinary approach so that they can recognize and respond effectively to domestic violence. Abusers can no longer be allowed to manipulate family courts to regain control over their victims.

Many years ago, three brave children told their mother that their father was physically and sexually abusing them. The mother did everything right. She sought custody, requested a protective order and made a report to child protective services. Initially, the children were protected.

The children told the judge, their attorney, the evaluator and the caseworker what their father had done. As often happens in these cases, the professionals who were supposed to protect the children assumed the mother had coached them to complain about their father. The judge ordered normal visitation to resume and threatened the mother with loss of her children if there were more complaints.

Before the first visitation could occur, the family babysitter confronted the father in the presence of the law guardian. The father admitted to kissing his daughters on their privates. The law guardian immediately made a motion to stop the visitation and I joined the motion. The judge consulted with the evaluator. The evaluator said the father used bad judgment but there was no reason to stop the visitation. During the first visit, the 4-year-old was penetrated for the first time.

I made a new report to child protective because they were unaware of the father's admission. When the judge heard he yelled and screamed at me. "How dare you make a complaint when it was already investigated," he complained. The new caseworker did a more thorough investigation and found the father had acted even worse than we knew. Child protective brought charges against the father and he never again had more than supervised visits.

The mother won custody and invited the caseworker and me to a celebratory dinner. The children had gifts for us but best of all was their name for us. They called us BELIEVERS because we believed them when all the other professionals didn't. I learned there is no greater honor than to be called a believer. You should too.
Editor's Note: This article is part of #YourVoice, an ongoing column published on this website by individual contributors in their own personal capacity and that involves the opinions, recollections and/or information provided by such contributors, and which does not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of this website. Barry Goldstein is a nationally recognized domestic violence author, speaker and advocate. He is the author of five of the leading books about domestic violence and child custody including The Quincy Solution: Stop Domestic Violence and Save $500 Billion. Barry is the research director for the Stop Abuse Campaign and co-chair of the child custody task group for NOMAS. He has served as an instructor in a NY Model Batterer Program since 1999 and serves on the Editorial Advisory Group for DomesticShelters.org.

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A World Without Domestic Violence: Part III

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notes Imagine what would happen if abusers were actually held accountable for their crimes In this final part of Barry Goldstein's series, the former attorney, long-time domestic violence advocate and editorial advisor for DomesticShelters.org, talks about the privilege men experience that allows many of them to continue to abuse women and children unchecked.

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Some different things we can do to stop abuse/prevent abuse from happening so everyone around the world can help. By understanding the wrong of abuse we can make a change by 2030

1.REPORT suspected abuse or neglect. Contact the local Children and Family Services Agency or the local police department if you have cause to suspect a child has been or could be injured.

2.Educate yourself and others The strongest way to prevent child violence could be basic help for children and parents. Any of the many ways to keep children safe from danger include after-school events, parental skills courses, mentoring services, and respite treatment. In favor of these efforts in your culture, be a voice.

3. Commit in children Motivate local representatives to be inclusive of families and children. Encourage people to have work environments that are family-friendly. To help protect our children and to change their lives, petition the state and national politicians to support reforms.

4.Volunteer your own time when you can Get connected with several other families throughout your community. Support young children and young people. Get others to join to help and to keep everyone safe

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we have to stop kid violence because kids shouldn't be going through things like this in their early ages. We can spread the word and get it out there so kids can stop suffering and getting hurt.

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Things that can happen to a person being abused

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Things that can happen to a person being abused

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Being abused does not necessarily cause psychological or medical illness to occur. However, being abused does make it much more likely
that one or more psychological or medical illnesses will occur.
Victimized people commonly develop emotional or psychological problems
secondary to their abuse, including anxiety disorders and various forms of depression. They may develop substance abuse disorders. If abuse has
been very severe, the victim may be traumatized, and may develop a posttraumatic stress injury such as posttraumatic stress disorder
(PTSD), or acute stress disorder. If abuse has occurred from a very
early age and has been substantial, a personality disorder may occur (such as borderline, narcissistic, or histrionic personality disorders or in some cases, a severe dissociative disorder such as dissociative identity disorder (commonly known as multiple personality disorder).

The way a person's brain and body work can be affected by traumatic childhood events. Trauma may influence the feelings, memory, thinking and sense of self of the person. Trauma may also affect experiences. Women develop the effects of trauma more often if they feel powerless and trapped by violence as kids.

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Being abused does not necessarily cause psychological or medical
illness to occur. However, being abused does make it much more likely
that one or more psychological or medical illnesses will occur.
Victimized people commonly develop emotional or psychological problems
secondary to their abuse, including anxiety disorders and various forms
of depression. They may develop substance abuse disorders. If abuse has
been very severe, the victim may be traumatized, and may develop a
posttraumatic stress injury such as posttraumatic stress disorder
(PTSD), or acute stress disorder. If abuse has occurred from a very
early age and has been substantial, a personality disorder may occur
(such as borderline, narcissistic, or histrionic personality disorders
or in some cases, a severe dissociative disorder such as dissociative
identity disorder (commonly known as multiple personality disorder).
Sexual disorders may be present. Sex may be experienced as particularly
undesirable, or physically or emotionally painful. Alternatively,
sexual promiscuity may be observed with the increased risk of sexually
transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancy that such behavior carries.
Severe abuse can even lead the victim to contemplate suicide or carry
out suicidal impulses. Abuse can result in poor self-esteem, which can
lead to a lack of close and trusting relationships or to body image
issues (particularly for sexual abuse victims), which in turn can
result in eating disorders, which can be seen as victims' attempts at
self-control in one small part of life when they otherwise feels
completely out of control and vulnerable.

It is important to note that abuse alone is not sufficient to create
psychological disorders. Abuse can be a very strong factor contributing
to their development, however. Developing a psychological disorder,
such as depression, does not mean that you were necessarily abused, and
being abused does not mean you will develop depression. Abuse is a
sufficient cause for depression; however, there are many other reasons
why someone might become depressed.

Posttrauma Responding
Though it is an oversimplified and perhaps even overreaching suggestion to make, it maybe easiest to think of the cluster of problems that are typically observed in the wake of abuse as all various forms of a sort of posttrauma condition, where the trauma experienced is abuse. Posttrauma conditions such as PTSD occur in the aftermath of a significant trauma (where trauma is defined as exposure to some event that involves the threat or reality of death (either one's own or another's)). Not all abuse situations get this scary, but many are disturbing enough in one fashion or another to make a lasting impact on a person's mind. When posttrauma illnesses occur they are characterized by the presence of three classes of symptoms. First, the posttrauma victims typically experience vivid, unwanted and highly intrusive memories of their traumatic events. Intrusive recollections may occur during waking hours or during sleep (often in the form of vivid and repetitive nightmares re-enacting the trauma). Second, posttrauma victims make efforts to avoid exposing themselves to anything that might remind them of their trauma. Third, posttrauma victims become very anxious and jumpy after their trauma. As should be clear from thoughtful contemplation of these symptoms, PTSD can be a very debilitating condition.
Posttrauma victim's attempts at avoidance of trauma-related things can push them towards impulsive actions that less frantic people would avoid. PTSD victims commonly abuse drugs, for instance, and this drug use is thought to begin as a means of coping with trauma. Similarly, depression and sexual acting out can be thought of as attempts to cope, however, dysfunctionally. Depression functions to blunt emotional responding, and promiscuity to give into it wholly ("if I'm damaged goods I might as well act like it"). Similarly, multiple personality disorder and the other abuse-related personality disorders represent wide-scale alterations of victim's personalities that help them shield themselves from emotional pain.

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Being abused does not necessarily cause psychological or medical illness to occur. However, being abused does make it much more likely that one or more psychological or medical illnesses will occur. Victimized people commonly develop emotional or psychological problems secondary to their abuse, including anxiety disorders and various forms of depression.