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The article says Asian and Latin American backgrounds have a stronger sense of family obligatione. Also their children are having pressure about academic achievement.

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This article argues that “love” is oriented toward the future, and “lust” is about thinking about the present.

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In an ample set of studies, Liberman and Trope (1998) investigated the relation between temporal perspective and level of construal. Their construal level theory (CLT, Liberman and Trope, 2008, Liberman et al., 2007) predicts that distant events lead to abstract, global, and holistic processing whereas more proximal events lead to concrete, detail oriented, and local processing. Because, usually, less is known about events in the distant future, people think abstractly about them; whereas more proximal events are often more concrete in nature, allowing for a more detailed processing. As a result of the constant co-occurrence of temporarily distant events and abstractness, people may start habitually thinking in more holistic ways whenever they think about a more distant event, with the reverse being true for more proximal events. To illustrate, in one of their studies (Liberman & Trope, 1998), participants imagined themselves engaging in various activities (e.g., reading a science fiction book, taking an exam) either "tomorrow" or "next year" and described these activities. Consistent with CLT, it was found that participants used more abstract descriptions (e.g., "broadening horizons" versus "flipping pages") in the distant future condition compared to the near future condition, and that the reverse was true for low-level descriptions. Recently, Liberman and Förster (in press) showed an influence of distant temporal priming on Gestalt-like, global perception whereas proximal temporal priming enhanced perception of details of a stimulus set.

We want to apply CLT's logic to partner evaluation and suggest that love and lust differ with respect to temporal perspective (see Buss & Schmitt, 1993) and, consequently, affect processing styles differentially. With others, we define love as "wishes to self expand and caring for or identifying with a person, including feelings of infatuation and emotional bonding" and lust as the "wish, need, or drive to seek out sexual objects or to engage in sexual activities, including feelings of sexual desire" (see Aron and Aron, 1986, Diamond, 2003, Regan and Berscheid, 1995, Rubin, 1970).

Romantic love is usually associated with attachment goals (Mikulincer, 1998, Mikulincer and Shaver, 2007) and "foreverness", the long term goal of commitment and sharing a life time together; lust, however, exists more in the "here and now" and does not necessarily involve a long-term perspective, which is for example reflected in the notion of a "one-night stand" (see Sprecher & Regan, 1998). We reason that these wishes, attitudes or theories about love and lust may be represented in memory and may trigger different processing styles. From social cognition research it is known that when people frequently and consistently experience certain ways of thinking in certain situations, subtle reminders of these situations are sufficient to trigger those procedures (see for example, Förster et al., 2005, Kruglanski et al., 2002, Schooler, 2002, Shah, 2003a, Shah, 2003b). Because of a strong association between a long-term perspective and the concept of love, subtle reminders of love should habitually engender a global way of processing information, whereas subtle cues of lust, should automatically initiate a local way of processing.

These basic processing styles may further influence the well-known halo effect in relationships. Research shows that love may lead to a positively biased, idealized perception of the romantic partner (e.g., Brickman, 1987, Hall and Taylor, 1976, Murray et al., 1996, Swann et al., 1994, Taylor and Brown, 1988). In general, the positivity phenomenon has been attributed to the halo effect, which describes a lack of differentiation among unrelated dimensions (Thorndike, 1920). Clearly, with its detail focus, a local processing style should support differentiation processes, whereas a global processing style might impair it. Recently, Förster (2009) found first evidence for a link between differentiation processes and perceptual processing styles: he primed global versus local perception and found a facilitation of similarity search upon global priming whereas after local priming dissimilarity search was enhanced. It is thus possible that a local processing style triggered by lust would enhance the differentiation between dimensions, whereas a global processing style would impair it.

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How love and lust change people's perception of relationship partners

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In an ample set of studies, Liberman and Trope (1998) investigated the relation between temporal perspective and level of construal. Their construal level theory (CLT, Liberman and Trope, 2008, Liberman et al., 2007) predicts that distant events lead to abstract, global, and holistic processing whereas more proximal events lead to concrete, detail oriented, and local processing.

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This article says about the feature of romantic love and its importance in the relationship. Daniel and Natasha, Romeo and Juliet wanted each other and it relates to romantic love.

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The article says about the negative effects of obligation. And in two books, there are family obligations. In Romeo and Juliet, Juliet’s husband was determined by her dad and she had to follow him. And in the book “The Sun is Also a Star”, Daniel has family obligations about college admissions.

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You can quickly turn good promises, goals, and commitments into obligations. And, be careful because obligation encourages rebellion. For example, when you think you have no freedom and choice, it becomes more challenging because you focus on "I have to do this!"

"Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free..." -- Galatians 5:1

Obligation Works Against Promises and Goals

Obligation encourages rebellion because obligation tends to change a "want to" into a "have to" - draining energy from your life. A "have to" easily blocks your sense of choosing to commit in the first place. Then your promises or commitments are used to manipulate your behavior into compliance. You get upset that you have to do it, but you convince yourself to do it too often with a bad attitude. Sound familiar?

For example, you are reading God's Word. Is it a choice or an obligation? Do you "have to" read or "want to" read and pray?

How about obedience to God? Do you "have to" obey God, or do you "want to"?

How about love and marriage? Do you "have to" love others, or do you "want to"? Do you "have to" stay married or "want to" stay married?

In each of those situations, obligation encourages rebellion against doing something good!

Obligation Isn't Choice

A profound difference exists between "having to" do what is right and "wanting to" do what is right. You do not "have to" do what is right; you have a choice. Obligation gets you to see the situation differently, that you have no choice. That means you believe a lie because you do have a choice!

Commitments are often outstanding, but to benefit from them, remember them as a choice. When you focus on the commitment, you seldom remember you are still free, which causes your sense of choice to vanish. "Yes, I chose to commit to this. I can back out of this commitment because I am free to do so, but I am choosing to follow through."

Obligation encourages rebellion because it opposes freedom, choice, wants, and desires. Choice means you can "do something" or "not do it." With choice, there is no compulsion for one option or the other. But with obligation, you must do it; you cannot get out of it. Obligation de-energizes, drains you. You roll your eyes, sigh, and complain about how you "should, ought, or must" do the obligation or commitment.

Obligation keeps you in bed in the morning, while wants don't - they tend to get you up, even early. And obligations create a Left Circle lifestyle, reacting and responding. They create fiction rather than the truth of choice.

Changing Obligation to Choice

So how can you live in freedom? You learn to identify Primary and Secondary Choices - a principle taught by Robert Fritz. You identify priorities in your life. What do I value the most? Will I choose those values or ignore them? Hopefully, your values align with God's.

A primary choice is the value you want to live, the outcome you want, or the vision you want to achieve - your THERE. A secondary choice is what you do to reach the primary choice. Please note that Secondary Choices are not necessarily wanted in and of themselves.

Olympic Athlete Example

If you are an athlete in training, are you training to train, or is there a Primary Choice (THERE) to be achieved? Olympic athletes, they train to get the Gold Medal. The training is a Secondary Choice to help get them to the Primary Choice. Training is the PATH to THERE from HERE.

Obviously, you have more energy when focused on the Primary Choice versus the training. That is the power of Primary and Secondary Choices. When involved with Secondary Choices, you can lose sight of why you are doing it. That is the time to remind yourself of the Primary Choice. "I may not enjoy this training, but I want the Gold Medal!"

Realigning your focus to the Primary Choice will add energy to your life. Ultimately the highest, most joyful, most energizing primary choice for doing anything is to glorify God. With His strength, you will have self-control (remember, it is a fruit of the Spirit) to make good secondary choices, not for you, but for the ultimate joy found in Christ.

Do you love people because you have to or because you want to? Big difference, right? Don't let obligation encourage rebellion!

PURSUING THEIR BEST - Freedom in Relationships

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Obligation Encourages Rebellion and "Have To"

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You can easily turn good promises, goals and commitments into obligations when you start thinking you have no freedom and choice - and most often it becomes harder to do.