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TG has been touching me a lot recently, and keeps complimenting me by calling me cute.

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My TN friends have been telling me that TN likes me. I mean, if he was genuine, I would accept him to be my first boyfriend. But it turns out he's not.

One of the members of the friend group he's included just told me that he likes me because I look like HIS EX. Mind you, he has a girlfriend, but her personality isn't the best, so he wants to break up with her. Bro just wants to use me in order to replace his ex. I mean, he can easily do that due to his appearance, but no.

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Today, I lost the public speaking competition in the worst way due to my mentality. Okay, I definitely don't have a healthy mentality. As you can see in my venting, I always think I'm not good enough. It's so bad that the judges are worried about me. I almost cried while doing my part. When I finish my speech and return to my seat, I cry THREE TIMES. I'm a crybaby, I know.

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My biggest problem is myself telling that "You will never be good enough, you're worthless", "You're ungrateful, your mother gave you so much, why can't you pay it back?", "How can somebody be useless as you? You can't even get the first place."
I don't have friends, too. Not because they hated me or something, I just feel I don't deserve them and cut them off. To the point where I only find myself comfortable hurting myself with toxic thoughts.
I feel guilty about feeling like this. My life is not bad at all. I just don't deserve it. I often wonder if I never existed, would everything be better?
Academic validation is all I have. But I rarely receive them, I CRAVE validation. I'm easily triggered, and I feel bad about it. I made people think it's their fault when in reality it's not. I'm passionate but lazy. I don't have any 'motivation' to do anything.
I want to die. But I'm not brave enough. I'm scared. Scared my family will be in despair, scared that they will experience the same thing as me.

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NK continuing gave me another flower bouquet. This time just a single flower lol.

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Saw 777 a lot more.

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I accidentally manifested this, but I have been frustating cause my nail is too long and it makes typing so fking hard. And now my nail is broke, should be more careful.

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My classmates (girl) have been complimented my scent a lot. I remebered one time they say my shampoo smells nice and asking what brand I use.

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Saw 222

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Saw 4444

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Just saw 2020

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Just see 1111.

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This hypes me up so much.
(For context, I'm not bad at presentations or such. I always handle a project and presentation all by myself.)
I and HQ are partners for an English presentation about the family day in different countries. But I'm not the one who does the talking, HQ is. As soon as my class acknowledges the fact that I'm not the one, they fcking CHANTS my name multiple times for me to do it. The teacher has to scold them to calm down then HQ can talk, poor boy.

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1. A boy (PTT) is my club leader. Today he was repeatedly calling me cute and doubting the fact that I'm single, he said something like "I can't believe the fact that you are single, you're cute, are you lying?" but in Vietnamese, of course.
2. A girl was asking me if I had any thoughts about studying abroad. I say no (my family isn't wealthy enough to do such a thing, the only way for me is a scholarship) and she keeps pressing I do it. I was fascinated, I never think I'm good enough, but it's okay i guess?

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A boy (I dunno if he likes me or not, my friend keeps telling me he is, if that's true, he would have been liking me for a whole year.) just give me a bracelet, it's lovely. He also gave me an octopus that has two expressions in the past (you just need to flip it inside out). Let's call him P for convenience.

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1. A boy who is an old friend of mine just gave me a little paper flower bouquet, it's so damn cute. (call him NK)
2. A boy sits behind me and just keeps STARING at me for a while, but he has a girlfriend, so I hope he doesn't do something stupid. (call him TN)
3. Let me give you some background information, this girl has been crushing another girl for 3 YEARS. And then, she told me that if it wasn't for her crush, she would LOVE me. (call her TG)

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A boy, let's call him HQ. Keep in mind, I'm a menace towards him. But he bought a lot of candy bars and give them to me after break time. He also remembers what I don't like cause I'm very picky.
HQ has been staring at me for a while now. His stares are very intense but I keep pretending I don't know. He also gave me a very good pen that has multiple colors, it's very smooth and handy. Other classmates have been begging him to have it, but I just need to tell him one time, and then I have it, feel kinda special ;)

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About angel numbers, I'm constantly seeing 111 and 444. I also see some mirror numbers like 1717 and 1616 again and again.
I just saw 555 a bit earlier, it's 18h20' now in my country.

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https://pin.it/gO2Nqj4

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Age: 15 (07 liner)
I'm a Vietnamese gurl. Call me Yaretzi pls.
What I'm trying to manifest: A yandere boyfriend and general things.
The methods I use: Visualize (only appearance), affirmation, and scripting.
p/s: English isn't my first language, so pls don't attack me for my grammar. I'm not new but not old neither with the community.