# data[].attributes.headline
28th of April, 2020: 17 y.o. Adam McIntyre shares experience with his former idol, Colleen Ballinger.

# data[].attributes.subject
28th of April, 2020: 17 y.o. Adam McIntyre shares experience with his former idol, Colleen Ballinger.

# data[].attributes.headline
17th of June, Adam McIntyre posts video titled "the end of colleen ballinger's career?" in reference to Colleen continuing to tour her Miranda Sings act without addressing allegations

# data[].attributes.subject
17th of June, Adam McIntyre posts video titled "the end of colleen ballinger's career?" in reference to Colleen continuing to tour her Miranda Sings act without addressing allegations

# data[].attributes.body
***Note this is the spark of the Trisha Paytas / O.F. viewing parties hosted by Colleen Ballinger.***

# data[].attributes.headline
21st of June, Adam McIntyre shares Weenies Group Chat tampon inside joke with minors (c. 2018) on Twitter

# data[].attributes.subject
21st of June, Adam McIntyre shares Weenies Group Chat tampon inside joke with minors (c. 2018) on Twitter

# data[].attributes.wish_content.attachment_props.text
here’s tampon pic for those in h3 who want to see

# data[].attributes.wish_content.attachment_props.original_text
here’s tampon pic for those in h3 who want to see https://t.co/H9NwypeNRZ

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.embed_code
here’s tampon pic for those in h3 who want to see pic.twitter.com/H9NwypeNRZ
— adam mcintyre (@theadammcintyre) June 21, 2023

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.metadata.attachment_props_source.data.text
here’s tampon pic for those in h3 who want to see https://t.co/H9NwypeNRZ

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.metadata.attachment_props.original_text
here’s tampon pic for those in h3 who want to see https://t.co/H9NwypeNRZ

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.metadata.attachment_props.text
here’s tampon pic for those in h3 who want to see

# data[].attributes.headline
8th of July, Trisha posts video titled "this is embarrassing" where she laments on Colleen's two-faced nature.

# data[].attributes.subject
8th of July, Trisha posts video titled "this is embarrassing" where she laments on Colleen's two-faced nature.

# data[].attributes.headline
3rd of July, Trisha Paytas confirms Oversharing Podcast is done. And addresses the allegations of Colleen sharing her O.F. content  via viewing parties in a video titled, "colleen".

# data[].attributes.subject
3rd of July, Trisha Paytas confirms Oversharing Podcast is done. And addresses the allegations of Colleen sharing her O.F. content  via viewing parties in a video titled, "colleen".

# data[].attributes.headline
21st of June, Rolling Stone publishes article titled, "Fans Built Her an Internet Empire. Now They’re Tearing It Down"

# data[].attributes.subject
21st of June, Rolling Stone publishes article titled, "Fans Built Her an Internet Empire. Now They’re Tearing It Down"

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
When Adam McIntyre was 10 years old, he found something he thought was utterly, breathtakingly, overwhelmingly special: YouTube.

Sure, the Irish pre-teen had the same classes, and the same background as most of his peers in Brighton, England. But while his classmates followed more mainstream celebrities - pop sensations and blockbuster action stars - McIntyre was focused on the new site and its budding brand of superstars.

"YouTubers back then was not like it is now," McIntyre tells Rolling Stone. "It was a very weird concept. I felt so much different than anyone who was in my class at school."

To distract himself from bullying and the other difficulties of early adolescence, he began combing through videos on YouTube and found a favorite in comedian Colleen Ballinger. But what started as a gradual, offhand interest quickly brought McIntyre into a close friendship with Ballinger, that now, at 20, he alleges was exploitative, abusive, and toxic. (Ballinger denied these claims in 2020 but has not responded to additional complaints or Rolling Stone's recent multiple requests for comment.) And as more of the first true children of the internet come of age, and reevaluate their online relationships with their favorite YouTube stars, another realization is sweeping - and shattering - internet fandoms: the intimate way early YouTube stars cultivated relationships with their followers made them famous. It also opened the doors for widespread abuse.

In the past three weeks, Ballinger has been accused of abusing her power and engaging in toxic parasocial relationships with fans. Past and current members of her team, including her best friend Kory Desoto, her ex-husband Joshua David Evans, and her brother Trent Ballinger, have also been accused of using Ballinger's fame and access to inappropriately message underage followers. Fans have claimed they were sent inappropriate texts by Trent, asked about their sex lives by Ballinger, and, in one case, bullied over their weight by DeSoto. McIntyre says the YouTube star created a reputation for personally responding and interacting with fans - a power he claims she took advantage of for content. And four other fans tell Rolling Stone that the same access that made Ballinger famous opened the door for behind-the-scenes interactions they describe as toxic, exploitative, and hurtful. (Ballinger, Trent, and DeSoto did not respond to multiple requests for comment from Rolling Stone.)

This isn't the first time YouTubers have faced backlash over their interactions with fans. In 2021, beauty guru James Charles admitted to texting 16-year-old fans sexually explicit content, saying that he wasn't aware they were underage at the time. In January, former YouTube star Onision was sued by two plaintiffs that alleged he used his channel's popularity to groom them through personal forums while they were 14. (He has repeatedly denied those claims and mediation is scheduled for late 2023.) So while Ballinger's allegations aren't criminal - or even hint that she's used her power to start sexual relationships- according to Sacha Judd, a tech executive, writer, and expert on fandom, it sheds light on how, within insular subcultures like YouTube fan groups, stars can hold intense emotional power - even when they're not doing anything illegal.

"Within the subcultures that arise from fandom, there's this idea of capital that's associated with access," Judd tells Rolling Stone. "You know that you have increased cultural capital within the community that you're a part of. So whenever there's an opportunity to actually be in contact with the object of your fandom, that's just sort of ripe for a really unbalanced power dynamic. Because the fan is nobody to the famous person and the famous person is absolutely everybody to the fan. And that can produce some pretty giant red flags."

While Ballinger has a successful vlog account that focuses on her life as a performer, comedian, and mother of three, most people know her for her most famous sketch character, Miranda Sings. The character, whom she debuted in 2008, wears high-waisted pants, slicked-back hair, and has a drawling, nasal voice. Her most telling look is her trademark bright red lipstick, drawn far past Ballinger's lips to give Miranda a crazed effect. She's rude, entitled, can't sing, farts and burps for laughs, and shoots down every criticism with the unwavering belief that she'll be famous. And while the costume might have become synonymous with cringe millennial internet humor, Ballinger juxtaposed her sketches with an online persona dedicated to steadfast kindness and positivity - which attracted a wave of young fans. Ballinger was one of the first YouTube stars to straddle the line between internet famous and real, tangible celebrity, permanently changing those understandings in the process.

At the height of her popularity, around 2016, Miranda Sings was one of the faces of YouTube stardom. She grew to 10 million subscribers on her Miranda Sings channel alone, which didn't account for another 10 million subscribers on her vlog and personal channels. She had countless collaborations with fellow YouTubers, won a 2015 Teen Choice Award, produced several national and international tours, and had a limited guest run on the Broadway production of Waitress. She was the first face on pop star Ariana Grande's star-studded "Thank You Next" music video, interviewed on Stephen Colbert, and starred in her own Netflix original series named after Miranda Sings' famous catchphrase, "Haters Back Off!" Through it all, Ballinger would often include her family and friends, like brother Trent Ballinger, and best friend Kory DeSoto, in her team- featuring them in videos, sketches, shows, and fan interactions.

Ballinger, like other early YouTubers, was doing it all without established rules, says Jamie Cohen s, PhD, an assistant professor of digital culture and media at Queens College - especially when it came to how they interacted with fans.

"The earliest YouTubers had no real guidance," Cohen says. They were these mostly white kids that were basically saying, 'Oh, we're fighting back against the gatekeepers," essentially inventing the platform as it went. They made their own rules. Early on, the comment section became the place that dictated how content was created. And it developed into a strange competition, where fans themselves felt like if they were noticed by the creator, it gave them power. And at some point [YouTubers] learned that parasocial relationships are their success model."

For McIntyre, it was this sort of interaction - Ballinger's emphasis on talking and responding directly to her fans - that drew him into her fandom, and covered up what he calls red flags in their interactions. It was a "gradual thing," says McIntyre. He started with just following accounts that tweeted about Ballinger's content, and before long he was an active part of the community, interacting with every video and social media post, as well as actively discussing Ballinger in multiple fan group chats.

The first time McIntyre met Ballinger was in 2014, at a tour stop in Dublin. "It was very professional," McIntyre says. "I was a fan and she was the celebrity." But after they met in person again in 2016, McIntyre says that their friendship became real. The two went from talking through tweets to direct messaging, where, according to screenshots reviewed by Rolling Stone, they would discuss the comedian's content, as well as more serious matters like her online haters and impending divorce from then-husband Joshua David Evans. Adam was 14 at the time. Ballinger was 29.

"I was looking at it like this golden opportunity of trust," McIntyre says. "And I, in the moment, really didn't care if it was morally right or wrong, because I was just grateful that she was talking to me and not anyone else. It made me feel like 'I know something that other people don't know.' They know MirandaSings. But I know Colleen."

In a Twitter group chat named "Colleeny's Weenies," Ballenger would send sexually suggestive messages, according to screenshots provided by McIntyre and reviewed by Rolling Stone, asking questions like, "Are you a virgin?" and, "What's your fav position?" Once, in response to a message from McIntyre that read "my ass looks so good today," Ballinger responded "pics Adam."

McIntyre first raised alarms about his and Ballinger's interactions in April 2020, after hearing rumors from other fan pages that Ballinger had been discussing him in a negative light. Weeks earlier, she had given him the password to her Twitter account, where Adam drafted and posted tweets with her approval. One joke he wrote about Ballinger "coming out" as a Meghan Trainor fan got major backlash, with hundreds of users deriding it as homophobic, leading to Ballinger deleting it.

That April, McIntyre posted a 25-minute video titled " Colleen Ballinger, stop lying." In it, McIntyre said that his friendship with Ballinger was exploitative, alleging the YouTuber used her power to get free labor from him and then drop him when it was convenient. He added that many of their past conversations had strayed from a typical fan-celebrity relationship to an imbalanced friendship. McIntyre also brought up past situations he felt uncomfortable with - issues he said he had previously overlooked because of his friendship with Ballinger. Most specifically, in 2016, Ballinger and DeSoto sent him a lingerie set while on a live stream. McIntyre was one of many fans asking for presents during the stream, and initially thought it was funny. In an apology video responding to McIntyre, Ballinger said the gift was a "stupid idea," but had been misconstrued as creepy. "I should have never sent that," Ballinger said. "I don't know what part of my brain was missing at the time. But I am not a monster, I am not a groomer, and I shouldn't kill myself."

People accepted Ballinger's apology and accused McIntyre of trying to ruin her career. For almost three years, according to posts reviewed by Rolling Stone, Adam was called slurs, threatened, and doxxed by Ballinger's fans. It is unclear whether Ballinger was aware of the fandom's messages toward McIntyre, but she never publicly asked her followers to avoid hate messages - a common tactic used by YouTubers to protect smaller platforms involved in drama. When it began in 2020, in the midst of the pandemic and virtual schooling, McIntyre said the harassment got so bad that it essentially isolated him from everyone he had trusted.

It didn't stay that way forever. Less than two weeks ago, on June 10, 2023, KodeeRants, another former member of the MirandaSings fandom, posted a video that caused opinion to turn. In a now-deleted video, Kodee, who uses they/them pronouns, confirmed the existence of the group chat "Colleeny's Weenies," along with the above-mentioned messages from Ballinger to McIntyre and other minors between 2016 and 2020. (KodeeRants did not respond to Rolling Stone's request for comment.)

Over the past two weeks, dozens of former Miranda Sings fans, who previously accused McIntyre of lying, have publicly apologized to him on social media. But what has become more shocking is the other fans who have come out to share experiences similar to McIntyre's, their own stories of being bullied, intimidated, and embarrassed by Ballinger and members of her team.

Alex, a now-23-year-old fan living in Ireland, ran a Ballinger fan page with over 22 thousand followers. They tell Rolling Stone she stopped posting as much after being mocked by DeSoto over her weight during a fan meet and greet.

"I tried to brush it off, I was close to tears after that encounter," Alex tells Rolling Stone. "It was confirmation that my idol thought I was fat."

Becky, who asked to be identified by only her first name, joined Ballinger's Twitter fandom around 2017 when the YouTube star was well on her way to mainstream success. But she tells Rolling Stone that the parasocial relationships Ballinger cultivated within her community created toxic responses from other fans - who she says would attack anyone who they felt was disparaging Ballinger.

At a 2019 live show, Becky was called on stage to participate in the "yoga challenge" part of the show. She was asked to lay down on the ground on her back facing away from the audience. Ballinger (as Miranda) proceeded to lift Becky's legs above her head and spread them wide. As Ballinger spread Becky's legs, a fart sound played over the speaker. Que Miranda running away, and the audience bursting into laughter. While the joke was innocent, Becky tells Rolling Stone that even though she immediately felt embarrassed and exposed, she was afraid to speak up and be cut off from her idol and community.

"I was mortified in that position. I was in shock. But I had so many like friends through [the fandom] that I didn't want to necessarily lose," Becky says. "So for a little bit, I was pretending to be like 'Yeah, that was really funny.' I was worried that I would be called ungrateful because I got to go up on stage. I trusted her so much and had looked up to her for so long. I didn't think she would ever do something like that."

Oliver, a former fan from Pennsylvania, says Colleen's motto of spreading happiness drew him into her fandom. (Oliver, who is trans, identified as a girl at that time). But after joining in early 2018, and following Ballinger and her family on the site, a follow back from Ballinger's brother Trent quickly turned into constant communication. Messages reviewed by Rolling Stone show over a year of communication, with Trent complimenting Oliver's looks, asking him for photos, and telling him to text anytime. "Anything we talk about stays between u and I," read one message. "You would look good preg if you ever want children one day," read another. At the time, Oliver was 13, and Trent was 33.

"I was confused, but I brushed it off," Oliver tells Rolling Stone "I was too scared to tell my mom because I didn't want her to take away my phone and not trust me. And even when I started to become uncomfortable, I kept thinking to myself 'This is Colleen's brother. So many people in this fandom would probably love to have messages from him.'"

Trust - or a lack thereof - is also something former fan Johnny Silvestri thinks of when he recalls his time in the Ballinger fandom. He tells Rolling Stone that in 2012, when he was 15, he and other fans spent hours video chatting to Ballinger - first on Skype, and then on another public chat room called Tinychat. ( Rolling Stone reviewed screenshots showing Silvestri, Ballinger, and other fans in the chat rooms on camera.) Silvestri says that Ballinger and DeSoto cultivated personal relationships with the fans, talking to them about their emotions, feelings, and experiences.

"They treated us all like they were our older siblings, like they cared about us," Silvestri says. "It was a weird dynamic, but it felt like a very tight-knit family."

But the family vibe also meant that lines were blurred. Silvestri says when he was 16, he traveled from Chicago to attend a MirandaSings show in New York. There, he was brought on stage and given a signed paper crown from Ballinger - as well as the personal phone number of Evans, Ballinger's then-husband. Silvestri hadn't come out as queer, was being bullied at school, and was months from dropping out entirely. He considered Ballinger - and by extension, her family and team - as his escape, his confidants. So when he was offered a position as an assistant on Ballinger's tour, he accepted in the hopes that it would lead to a future in the entertainment industry. Instead, he describes a work environment that thrived on parasocial and intensely one-sided relationships between Ballinger and her fans. He also claims that that same dynamic was used on him to prevent him from speaking out about hurtful behavior. More specifically, Silvestri claims Desoto, Ballinger's best friend, screamed at him and verbally belittled him - behavior he claims Ballinger personally witnessed and did nothing about. He also adds that Evans nurtured a friendship with him, only to use him for free labor for his social media accounts and emotional guidance, creating an even more unbalanced dynamic.

"I found solace and safety in this online group of people," Silvestri tells Rolling Stone. "And these grown-ass adults abused it."

Since Silvestri has begun publicly posting about his time on the tour, only one member of Ballinger's team has responded. Evans acknowledged Silvestri's claims on Thursday, posting a public apology to his Twitter saying that he had acted inappropriately. "My hope is that I can help remove some of the burden by acknowledging your experience and taking accountability." Evans also apologized for dragging other underaged fans into an "abusive fan/creator dynamic" with him. "I honestly didn't understand the damage it would cause," he tweeted on June 15. "I got messy and sought validation through innocent people... children. That's gross and I feel absolutely terrible for it."

But even with a public turn of opinion, McIntyre tells Rolling Stone that he doesn't feel vindicated. He feels embarrassed that he let himself get hurt - and upset that it took three years for people to believe him.

"[Having people doxx me] was soul-destroying," he says. "It's still embarrassing for me to have [so much out] on the internet. So I'm not at that place yet where I feel vindicated. Because it's embarrassing. And I hate to sound cringy, but it really is fucking traumatic."

Since Adam has repeated his accusations against Ballinger, the YouTube star has gone silent. On June 12, Ballinger restricted comments on her Instagram and TikTok accounts. Even though she's currently two shows into a national tour, she has not responded to dozens of tweets from Adam and other former members of her fandom. On June 16, sponsor Zocdoc confirmed to Rolling Stone that they would no longer run advertisements on her podcast, in light of the allegations.

As of now, McIntyre said he's focused on building up his YouTube account again - in order to prove creators can build meaningful relationships with their followings while setting appropriate boundaries. And even if people believe he keeps speaking about this to get revenge on Ballinger, he says his new goal is to demonstrate how YouTubers can interact with their fan base - without exploitation.

"I want to prove how easy it is to not abuse trust," Adam says. "As a content creator, you can't control the baseline parasocial relationship that happens. However, you can feed into it and you can abuse it. That's when it becomes a problem. And that's what I believe Colleen does."

Cohen adds that as more content creators become celebrities, he and other media experts hope that people will learn from experience and draw strong and ethical boundaries around fan interactions and relationships.

"Today, the transparency is way higher. You can no longer generally exploit your fans post-#MeToo," Cohen says. "[The] newer generation of creators, they know now what happens and now they have a responsibility to not do that again. It's almost a matter of breaking generational trauma."

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Fans Built Her an Internet Empire. Now They're Tearing It Down

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Four former fans of Colleen Ballinger tell Rolling Stone the same access that made the comedian famous opened the door for interactions they describe as toxic, exploitative, and hurtful

# data[].attributes.headline
24th of June, Colleen proceeds with her Miranda Sings show as normal in Chicago. 

# data[].attributes.subject
24th of June, Colleen proceeds with her Miranda Sings show as normal in Chicago. 

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
I just want to make it clear that I only went because a friend of mine purchased the tickets prior to learning about what was/is happening. Also, I've never truly been a "fan" of Colleen. I only agreed to go because it was something my best friend asked me to do with her.

Overall the show was shocking to say the least. The amount of supporters in the crowd was astounding. My eardrums were blown out from both the loud music and screams. I was there for the meet and greet too. She started it by telling us how she's been crying A LOT. Here are some highlights from the Q&A:

when asked for advice on what to do when overwhelmed, she said she cries a lot when she's overwhelmed (also said she's not the best person to ask about it)

she kept drinking her water and said she was "very nervous thirsty"

said her kids are the reason she's been smiling lately (almost teared up while talking about how much she loves them)

when asked about the craziest fan interaction she's had, she instead started talking about the craziest gift she received (a vial of blood from a fan)

when asked about her newest vlog she said very soon, maybe even this week and that she just needed a break

During the show, she brought erik on stage and he literally cried. There were so many teenage girls screaming for him when they saw him that he cried. Anyway for the on stage interactions, she only brought on adults. She brought a couple on and made the husband kiss her and Erik's elbow. It was hard to watch. She also had a camera out at one point recording the audience and told us to say hi. I wonder if that will actually be in a video. At the end there was a standing ovation and she cried.

That's about it! If you have any questions comment and i'll try to answer!

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
A New Vlog This Week? Chicago Show Details

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
I just want to make it clear that I only went because a friend of mine purchased the tickets prior to learning about what was/is happening. Also, I've never truly been a "fan" of Colleen. I only agreed to go because it was something my best friend asked me to do with her.

# data[].attributes.headline
10th of June, Colleen proceeds with her Miranda Sings show as normal in Denver. 

# data[].attributes.subject
10th of June, Colleen proceeds with her Miranda Sings show as normal in Denver. 

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
The fake hater comment with the word "porn" is still on her projection at her Denver 6/10 show🤦‍♀️

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
ALL ABOARD THE TOXIC GOSSIP TRAIN!! 🚂 This is where we discuss family vlogger Colleen Ballinger, her inappropriate behaviour, problematic past and manipulation tactics. Remember to read our rules and the summaries in the about section.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.embed_code
The fake hater comment with the word "porn" is still on her projection at her Denver 6/10 show🤦‍♀️
by u/Inevitable-Hippo-683 in ColleenBallingerSnark

# data[].attributes.headline
21st-22nd of June, H3 Podcast #77 where former fan summarizes Colleen Ballinger's pattern of inappropriate behavior online in a powerpoint

# data[].attributes.subject
21st-22nd of June, H3 Podcast #77 where former fan summarizes Colleen Ballinger's pattern of inappropriate behavior online in a powerpoint

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Ethan Reacts to The Colleen Ballinger Drama ft Olivia Powerpoint

# data[].attributes.headline
3rd of July, Johnny Silvestri on Twitter @g3minij0hn reveals screenshots validating allegations of Colleen hosting viewing parties of Trisha Paytas' O.F. content

# data[].attributes.subject
3rd of July, Johnny Silvestri on Twitter @g3minij0hn reveals screenshots validating allegations of Colleen hosting viewing parties of Trisha Paytas' O.F. content

# data[].attributes.wish_content.attachment_props.text
Proof of Colleen and her friends’ having viewing parties for Trisha’s porn. “She’s a subscriber now ✌🏼” https://t.co/p4dzvn37Nx

# data[].attributes.wish_content.attachment_props.original_text
Proof of Colleen and her friends’ having viewing parties for Trisha’s porn. “She’s a subscriber now ✌🏼” https://t.co/p4dzvn37Nx https://t.co/oH9HEX480f

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.embed_code
Proof of Colleen and her friends’ having viewing parties for Trisha’s porn. “She’s a subscriber now ✌🏼” pic.twitter.com/oH9HEX480f
— Johnny Silvestri (@g3minij0hn) July 3, 2023

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.metadata.attachment_props_source.data.text
Proof of Colleen and her friends’ having viewing parties for Trisha’s porn. “She’s a subscriber now ✌🏼” https://t.co/p4dzvn37Nx https://t.co/oH9HEX480f

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.metadata.attachment_props.original_text
Proof of Colleen and her friends’ having viewing parties for Trisha’s porn. “She’s a subscriber now ✌🏼” https://t.co/p4dzvn37Nx https://t.co/oH9HEX480f

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.metadata.attachment_props.text
Proof of Colleen and her friends’ having viewing parties for Trisha’s porn. “She’s a subscriber now ✌🏼” https://t.co/p4dzvn37Nx

# data[].attributes.headline
28th of June, Colleen's first video since going dark titled, "hi."

# data[].attributes.subject
28th of June, Colleen's first video since going dark titled, "hi."

# data[].attributes.body
TLDR: Colleen can not say what she wants to say, so she sings what she wants to say... with ukulele.

# data[].attributes.headline
13th of June, Adam McIntyre interviews former "Weenies" fans in video titled, "speaking to 'weenies' groupchat members about colleen ballinger"

# data[].attributes.subject
13th of June, Adam McIntyre interviews former "Weenies" fans in video titled, "speaking to 'weenies' groupchat members about colleen ballinger"

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
speaking to 'weenies' groupchat members about colleen ballinger

# data[].attributes.headline
23rd of June, Screenshot of Colleen leaving the instagram Weenies group chat

# data[].attributes.subject
23rd of June, Screenshot of Colleen leaving the instagram Weenies group chat

# data[].attributes.body
TLDR: Not the original Weenies Group Chat on Twitter; chat approximated to have be active from 2020-2022

# data[].attributes.wish_content.attachment_props.referenced_tweets[].text
colleen was STILL in the weenies groupchat (that still existed on instagram) and LEFT this morning at 4am

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.embed_code
https://t.co/T5bZs7TUHZ pic.twitter.com/yju5xQWZzn
— adam mcintyre (@theadammcintyre) June 23, 2023

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.metadata.attachment_props_source.includes.tweets[].text
colleen was STILL in the weenies groupchat (that still existed on instagram) and LEFT this morning at 4am

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.metadata.attachment_props.referenced_tweets[].text
colleen was STILL in the weenies groupchat (that still existed on instagram) and LEFT this morning at 4am

# data[].attributes.headline
2023 Catalyst: Kodeerants (They/Them) video "why I left the colleen ballinger fandom"

# data[].attributes.subject
2023 Catalyst: Kodeerants (They/Them) video "why I left the colleen ballinger fandom"

# data[].attributes.body
TLDR: Direct messages between Colleen Ballinger / Kory Desoto and their fan, Kodee are made public. These messages are in regard to the 2020 Adam McIntyre (17 yrs old) exposé video, and depict adults conspiring to manipulate the online narrative to frame the star, Colleen Ballinger, in a positive light and vilify minor and former fan, Adam McIntyre.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
why I left the colleen ballinger fandom...

# data[].attributes.headline
29th of June, Time Magazine posts article titled, "What to Know About the Controversy Around YouTuber Colleen Ballinger"

# data[].attributes.subject
29th of June, Time Magazine posts article titled, "What to Know About the Controversy Around YouTuber Colleen Ballinger"

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
What to Know About the Controversy Around YouTuber Colleen Ballinger

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Three former fans speak to TIME about their experiences with Ballinger and reflect on how the aftermath of their relationships with her has affected them in their adult lives.

# data[].attributes.headline
12th of May, 2020: 33 y.o. Colleen Ballinger posts a video titled "addressing everything".

# data[].attributes.subject
12th of May, 2020: 33 y.o. Colleen Ballinger posts a video titled "addressing everything".

# data[].attributes.headline
23rd of June, Colleen proceeds with her Miranda Sings show as normal in Indianapolis. Streamed on Twitter by @Julessssxfn

# data[].attributes.subject
23rd of June, Colleen proceeds with her Miranda Sings show as normal in Indianapolis. Streamed on Twitter by @Julessssxfn

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.embed_code
Miranda sings Indianapolis https://t.co/O2LHtY4S4Z
— Julesssss (@Julessssxfn) June 23, 2023

# data[].attributes.headline
14th of June, Becky's live show experience at Colleen's Miranda Sings Show 

# data[].attributes.subject
14th of June, Becky's live show experience at Colleen's Miranda Sings Show 

# data[].attributes.body
TLDR: not a "fart joke". Former fan gives firsthand account of her experience participating in Miranda Sings live show.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
#duet with @becky  #colleenballinger #youtubersontiktok #mirandasings #youtubecommunity #ogyoutubers #ballingerfamily #believevictims #stopvictimblaming #stopvictimshaming   

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.embed_code
@_imjustzander
#duet with @becky #colleenballinger #youtubersontiktok #mirandasings #youtubecommunity #ogyoutubers #ballingerfamily #believevictims #stopvictimblaming #stopvictimshaming
♬ original sound - becky

# data[].attributes.headline
One day later... Adam McIntyre's (He/Him) Response to Kodee in video "i was right about colleen ballinger"

# data[].attributes.subject
One day later... Adam McIntyre's (He/Him) Response to Kodee in video "i was right about colleen ballinger"

# data[].attributes.body
TLDR: Adam (20 years old) publicly responds to leaked DMs and reflects on the impact of his 2020 video titled "colleen ballinger, stop lying".

# data[].attributes.headline
Articles on Colleen's Inappropriate Behavior

# data[].attributes.subject
Articles on Colleen's Inappropriate Behavior

# data[].attributes.headline
6th of June, Colleen Ballinger (She/Her) posts in regard to the 3rd episode of Oversharing (with Trisha Paytas (She/Her)) releasing. Tiktok on her account; podcast channel [deleted]

# data[].attributes.subject
6th of June, Colleen Ballinger (She/Her) posts in regard to the 3rd episode of Oversharing (with Trisha Paytas (She/Her)) releasing. Tiktok on her account; podcast channel [deleted]

# data[].attributes.body
TLDR: Colleen Ballinger's last Tiktok upload used to promote the final and 3rd episode of the podcast with Trisha Paytas titled "Colleen's Religious Trauma" [deleted].

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
We are exercise barbies today! Go check out the new ep! @trishapaytas 

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.embed_code
@colleen
We are exercise barbies today! Go check out the new ep! @trishapaytas
♬ Keep Dat Clean Radio Edit By iCandy - Soap Radio. 🧼

# data[].attributes.headline
30th of June, Assistant from the Miranda Sing's Netflix Show: Haters Back Off (2016-2017) publishes article, "on "cancel culture," accountability, and being in the writers' room with Miranda Sings"

# data[].attributes.subject
30th of June, Assistant from the Miranda Sing's Netflix Show: Haters Back Off (2016-2017) publishes article, "on "cancel culture," accountability, and being in the writers' room with Miranda Sings"

# data[].attributes.body
TLDR:

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
This post is going to be... different than my other ones, so before I get into it I just want to state for the record: the following post details my personal experience while working on Haters Back Off and more broadly, my opinions on working in less-than-ideal creative workplace environments over the years. While I cannot speak to the specific allegations against Colleen Ballinger - I stand with every single one of the children and young adults who have bravely shared their experiences in the past few weeks. In the face of attacks from online gaslighters and bizarre, callous, ukulele-soundtracked response videos, they deserve to be supported, heard, and believed. For more background on the allegations, I recommend Becky's TikTok, Adam's YouTube page, Paige Christie's overview video, this article from NBC News, this one from HuffPost, and this one from Rolling Stone.

Being the Writers' Assistant/Showrunner's Assistant/Writers' PA on Haters Back Off (you heard that right! Three job titles and still, every month that I made rent was an absolute miracle!) was my first real job in Hollywood. A fresh-faced recent college graduate, I had been warned that your first job in a writers' room can be grueling. It's customary to spend years paying your dues - working long hours, fetching countless Happy Vegan salads and skinny Vanilla lattes for the higher-ups, the usual fare. And I was prepared for that. Excited, even. What I wasn't prepared for, however, was the unique set of circumstances that I was walking into.

Despite my legacy of being Extremely Online™️, I was not that familiar with Miranda Sings, the character at the center of the show. I remember the night before my first day on the job, I clicked on her YouTube channel and watched video after video in pure confusion. Isn't this supposed to be for kids? She was dressed like Bozo the Clown but she kept making odd jokes about being, well, molested, and in one clip, I saw her on stage, encouraging what appeared to be a small child to literally reach into her pants and rummage around a bit. I texted my friends, hoping one of them could explain her appeal to me because clearly I was missing something. The show was going into pre-production at the peak of her fame and this woman was huge. She had a New York Times Bestselling book, Jerry Seinfeld's stamp of approval, and millions of fans (mostly middle school-aged) who hung on her every word. I didn't get the comedy but I chalked it up to a matter of taste, packed up my Studio-rented laptop and my brass script brads and headed in for my first day of work.

This was 2016, only a few months after a fellow April (Reign, that is) launched the #OscarsSoWhite campaign, so it goes without saying that I was the only Black person in this office. And as uncomfortable as that made me feel, as a POM (Person of Midwestern Experience), I knew how to make nice in a white space. Upon meeting Colleen, my first impression of her was that she was boisterous, opinionated, and had a stunning lack of humility that was unlike anything I had ever seen. Immediately upon entering the writers' room, I was treated to story after story about her sold out shows, how obsessed her fans were with her and the lengths they would go to get her attention. On the second day, she hauled in a small portion of her collection of art made by her beloved Mirfandas. This included several paper mache Miranda heads (seen above), homemade figurines, stacks upon stacks of fan mail, and drawings of something called " The Daddy Saddle."

The Daddy Saddle, I would come to learn, is an item featured in many of Miranda Sings' videos, and it's used to allow Miranda to more easily ride around on her Uncle's back. The Uncle character was something that Colleen took great pride in. She had spent years building him into the essential Miranda Sings lore and once we began to break stories for the show, it became clear that he was going to be an integral part of it. Miranda and Uncle Jim had a, in the character's words, "special relationship." She often pitched stories in which Miranda and Uncle Jim would be caught in compromising positions or stomach-churning moments of intimacy that could always be easily explained away by a clueless Miranda. It was my responsibility to write down every single one of these pitches, schedule calls to look at mockups of The Daddy Saddle that would be featured on the show, and mark points in the script where Colleen thought we could make Uncle Jim even more "r***y."

As you can imagine, this all made me so, so uncomfortable. Here I was, the odd one out in every conceivable away, tasked to aid Colleen as she pursued her singular goal of shoving as much incestual innuendo into the show as possible while assuaging the growing behind-the-scenes concerns that the show would be alienating to the intended audience (which was, again, kids.) It all felt deeply wrong - she would show us photos of the packed rows of smiling children who had attended her show the night before, and in the same breath, spend hours trying to think of a way to show Miranda and Uncle Jim all but having actual sex on screen. I felt insane. This was my first job, a coveted Writers' Assistant position, and I was terrified to be seen as anything less than enthusiastic to be there. Colleen made accomplishing that a Herculean feat.

Not only was I behind the keyboard, typing in "jokes" into the script that to a vulnerable child, could easily make it nearly impossible to identify inappropriate adult behavior in their own lives, but as we neared production, I had a whole new wave of concerns. Another one of my responsibilities was to sit in on production meetings (all virtual, as the writers' room was in LA and filming was to take place in Vancouver), and take notes. It was in those meetings that I had to document Colleen's insistence that we used limited POC background actors as the show took place in Washington and having them just randomly there would be "distracting." I took note as Colleen was shown an Asian food market that would be re-dressed as a bodega for the show and watched her disgust as she demanded assurance that all the "Asian shit" would be removed before filming. I sat patiently as the Powers That Be expressed concern that the entire main cast for the show was white and silently prayed that since someone with some actual say had spoken up, things might change. And I took note, yet again, as Colleen assured them that they had only casted the best person for each role and that it wasn't her fault that all of those people ended up being white.

Content of the show aside, it was difficult to work for Colleen. She had a knack for making "funny," biting comments about the people around her and since we all had her to thank for our jobs, we were forced to just go with it. She saw no issue with commenting on my hair, or my clothes, or asking about my personal life. Her lack of boundaries was remarkable. Most days, the first hour or so of work was dedicated to Colleen forcing us all to perform the emotional labor of counseling her through her marital concerns, being a listening ear to her complaints about fans (they were being "so sensitive lately" aka they had spoken up about their discomfort with her using a blaccent) and getting the latest updates on the antics of her fellow YouTubers. I recall overhearing her once brag that a creator was being "cancelled" for saying the n-word (and if you think she went with "n-word" instead of hitting that hard "r" then you haven't been paying attention) and that she would never be stupid enough to get caught doing something like that.

She once gave me the "honor" of naming a character after me, a villain at Miranda's school who thought she was better than everyone else because she was a Christian. Colleen made it known on several occasions that she could tell I was less-than-thrilled with the show, even once pulling me aside and quipping, "You totally hate this, right?" I could tell that my discomfort with the "art" that we were creating was notable to her. She would often pitch something vile and then look over to me and ask, "Any thoughts, April?" It was almost like she took a weird pleasure in making me uncomfortable and knowing that even if I wanted to, there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. She was cruel. And it was that same cruelty that I recognized in the video she posted on Wednesday, addressing the many allegations that have been piling up against her over the last few weeks.

My two seasons on Haters Back Off were, unfortunately, not my only experience being deeply uncomfortable in the workplace while in pursuit of my dream of becoming a television writer. I have worked with sexists, with racists, with people who called me a "diversity hire" behind my back, with people who wanted applause for resisting the urge to touch my hair despite all it's "delicious textures," and with people who were both threatened by my voice and desperate for my approval. And each time I encounter yet another abuser in the workplace, I notice that they seem to all have something in common: an unwavering contempt for "cancel culture" and a pathological failure to demonstrate even an iota of accountability. Let me be the millionth person to say it: cancel culture is not real. The majority of the people I know who work in this industry have spent years of their lives waiting, hoping, that an article will finally drop, naming the sins of the abuser they endured and finishing them for good. And each one has had to stand by and watch as that person is dragged on Twitter for a few days, removed from a project or two, and is back on their feet in time for the next year's Emmys. There is no witch hunt, no "toxic gossip train," no dangerous mob hell-bent on destroying the life of an innocent person just for something to do. The truth is, there are real people who have had real experiences that have affected them a great deal, and there are narcissists who choose to cover their ears and look the other way.

I don't know what's next for Miranda Sings, but one thing I do know is that Adam, and Becky, and Johnny, and everyone else who has spoken out are all owed, at the very least, a thoughtful, sincere apology. One that acknowledges the very real pain they are clearly in, gives them the respect that they deserve, and is 100% ukulele-free. (And while she's at it, I would love my $250 back for the hour I just spent having to explain all of this to my therapist. UGH.)

thank you again for being here and see you soon.

for more info about you owe me an apology, click here.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
on "cancel culture," accountability, and being in the writers' room with Miranda Sings

# data[].attributes.headline
7th of June: Adam McIntyre's video "my relationship with colleen ballinger" showing DMs and groupchats

# data[].attributes.subject
7th of June: Adam McIntyre's video "my relationship with colleen ballinger" showing DMs and groupchats

# data[].attributes.body
TLDR: Adam McIntyre reflects on his relationship with Colleen Ballinger through DMs and involvement in group chats with other minors. Twitter DMs are used to contextualize the fall out they had in 2020.

# data[].attributes.headline
7th of June, Colleen posts the latest audio to her Relax Podcast "The Great Fruit Salad Debate" with her co-host and partner Erik Stocklin (He/Him)

# data[].attributes.subject
7th of June, Colleen posts the latest audio to her Relax Podcast "The Great Fruit Salad Debate" with her co-host and partner Erik Stocklin (He/Him)

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
This week Erik and Colleen attempt to get to the bottom of fruit salad and its components. Also they decide to wear diapers.

This episode is sponsored by/brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online
therapy a try at betterhelp.com/relaxwithme and get on your way to being your best self.

Get a 4-week trial, free postage, and a digital scale at https://www.stamps.com/relax. Thanks to Stamps.com for sponsoring the show!

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.keywords[]
relax! with colleen ballinger & erik stocklin

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
‎RELAX! with Colleen Ballinger & Erik Stocklin: The Great Fruit Salad Debate on Apple Podcasts

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
This week Erik and Colleen attempt to get to the bottom of fruit salad and its components. Also they decide to wear diapers. This episode is sponsored by/brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/relaxwithme and get on your way to being your best self.

# data[].attributes.headline
8th of June, Johnny Silvestri's experience as a fan and employee of Colleen Ballinger & Kory Desoto

# data[].attributes.subject
8th of June, Johnny Silvestri's experience as a fan and employee of Colleen Ballinger & Kory Desoto

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
There’s More to the Story (my experience with Colleen Ballinger)