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Hey Ziema! I loved your writing piece so much. I love that part whenever you're counting down the reasons. The reason why I love it so much is because it shows how serious you want it and how you're ready for anything he asks you. I also love how your character doesn't give up. The reason why I like that is because it makes me think of all the things he Will do to get what he wants so that means that he has some ticks behind his sleeves. The only thing I wish for is that you have a lot more emotion. THe reason why is so I know how you're talking.

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Hey Ziema! I loved your writing piece so much. I love that part whenever you're counting down the reasons. The reason why I love it so much is because it shows how serious you want it and how you're ready for anything he asks you. I also love how your character doesn't give up. The reason why I like that is because it makes me think of all the things he Will do to get what he wants so that means that he has some ticks behind his sleeves. The only thing I wish for is that you have a lot more emotion. THe reason why is so I know how you're talking.

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Hi, Ziema Your story is spectacular. (And you wrote a lot last time so it's my turn now) I Just finished reading it and I’m very impressed by your hard work. This writing unit was very long and you did amazing. An incredible strength you had in this writing task was your hook For example, you wrote “It was a boring and cold rainy night. The patterning of cold raindrops on Kevin’s big square window made him sleepy.” This hook left the reader in their seat and it seems it takes an amazing writer for an amazing hook. Hooks are extremely important because The purpose of a hook sentence or scene is to grab attention and give your reader a reason to invest their time and energy into your writing. For example, this is a good lesson you could learn in life. When I’m at a theme park like Six Flags I want to walk into the park and see endless roller coasters, sparkling lights, and smell the crispy food. I want to be dazzled and I want my hat to fall off. The first impression could be everything when it comes to theme parks, movies, and even books. To go deeper in you want the movie you're watching to be interning all throughout. Your hook goes into detail and it drops the readers in the Mattel of an action. A classic hook strategy is to start with an action-packed or climactic event. This shows me and your classmates that you want to make them feel super excited and that’s what most books do. If your piece isn’t action-packed, you might consider hooking your reader with an emotional scene. Some books and movies do this because it pulls your reading wondering if they have any questions about if this climax will get better. When I did writing lessons last year in 5th grade after school they told me that the hook was one of the most important senses. What I did is I started with an unexpected statement so the readers would be confused but still keep reading. Most techniques all have one thing in common and that is they all leave the reader with questions and that is important. Writing a great hook will get your reader’s attention, but if you leave them with lots of unanswered questions, they’ll just become frustrated. Alway keep your reader attached just like a spider web. You don’t have to go into that much detail but you did great. Another great strength you had in your stay was your ending. Your ending was extremely good and it gave the reader relief. For example your ending was “Kevin was a little ball of excitement! After so many months of convincing Howie finally said yes!” I love how you add how Kevin was a ball of excitement. It really put funny detail that made sense with the whole story. A story’s ending is intensified when there’s a moment when the main character might not succeed. It is know that last minute tension makes the ending more satisfying when the main character (Kevin) overcomes their obstacles, And you nailed that! Readers follow a character’s story to be entertained. Satisfying endings have an element of surprise. Predictable endings will make a great story fall flat. I love when an ending reflects on the hook of our beginning. I think you could have add A little more detail in some of the character descriptions, for example you could have said. Howies hair was short as a spitter. His voice creeks throughout the house and he hollers his opinions.” It’s quick but it gives the reader a better understanding of the characters.

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Something that I really liked in your essay was your quote, it really shows how people who are involved in sports can get fit and active but also learn to have fun and always be positive and not worry about failure. Another thing that I found really amazing in your essay was your 1st warrant, it was a great explanation on how much of a different and better life people can have when they play sports as a kid. One wish that I have is that in your anecdote for your intro paragraph I wish you would have explained how the girl’s behavior changed after she received the scholarship. Overall I think your essay was really powerful and strong

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Hi, Ziema! A huge strength in your essay, “support school sport,” is the way you describe how school sports are a positive activity in all of your essay.As you explain the importance of school sports you have a bunch of different reasons! I also really like how you explained the noises in your essay.That Will make the reader love your essay!Lastly,I love how you started all your sentences with amazing transition words! The transition words you used help make your essay so much stronger and better! Overall your essay is amazing!

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Hi, Ziema! A huge strength in your essay, “support school sport,” is the way you describe how school sports are a positive activity in all of your essay.As you explain the importance of school sports you have a bunch of different reasons! I also really like how you explained the noises in your essay.That Will make the reader love your essay!Lastly,I love how you started all your sentences with amazing transition words! The transition words you used help make your essay so much stronger and better! Overall your essay is amazing!

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Your writing was super good and interesting!I really liked when you talked about how high you where.And also when you talked about you not being nervous!You added a ton of great detail to your memoir.Like how you felt the breeze and the warm sun on your skin and when you talked about jaws.There is nothing I would really change to your memoir 

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Your writing was super good and interesting!I really liked when you talked about how high you where.And also when you talked about you not being nervous!You added a ton of great detail to your memoir.Like how you felt the breeze and the warm sun on your skin and when you talked about jaws.There is nothing I would really change to your memoir 

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Katie hansen

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One thing that I really liked about your piece is how you showed your determination after the flashback that you had. I also really liked how you explained the happiness that you had when you were falling and that all of your troubles went away.One wish that I have is maybe add a little more figurative language because there were some spots in your piece that figurative language can be added in. Overall I really enjoyed your memoir!

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something I really enjoyed in your memoir was how powerful it is. its a really inspiring piece. another strength is your figurative language! my favorite sentences to read were: “my eyes were a sealed envelope” and “I felt the water swallow me whole in a big splash” those two I really enjoyed reading! something I wish you added was more of a description of what the set looked like/where you were so we could envision it more. Overall  you did an amazing piece! keep up the awesome work!

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Something I Absolutely Loved was that you wrote about your dyslexia. Im really love that you don't hate it now and you don't care what other people think about you. There is nothing I would really change about it. I’m just really happy to hear that you are embracing your dyslexia.!

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Ziema I love your writing. It is helpful and inspiring. It tells people to try and not be afraid because you might have fun.one thing I like most is how you were brave enough to talk about your disability. That also inspires me.

I wish you would describe more about the area but other than that your peace is wonderful.👍

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Hi Ziema,

I loved your memoir, it was very powerful and strong. I could tell that you worked hard on it and dug deep while writing. The situation really meant a lot to you and it shows in your writing! I also loved the stages that you went through. I loved your flashback and the fact that once you jumped off you left all the bad things such as your dyslexia and bullies all on the bridge. My only suggestion was to make your moral more fitting to the story. For example, Do new things and forget the bad and push through.

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A thing I enjoyed about your memoir was that you told the reader you were in the place where jaws was filmed. I also enjoyed your flashback and how you talked about your dyslexia!

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A strength on your About Me piece is the way you started off! You really hooked me into wanting to read more. I also enjoyed how you told me what your favorite type of writing was and why it was your favorite. In Addition my favorite part about your about me piece was your end. It really closed up every juicy part that you wrote about. I was not clear what DND is so you maybe could have spilled sum beans about the game otherwise I loved you piece and I hope you enjoy my feedback!

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I enjoyed reading what you wrote! It was very organized and neat. I enjoyed your backgrounds and designs on the site. As soon as I came in I read your quotes. They were very heartwarming and awesome! (I noticed one was from a show :P) I thought maybe you could describe more why you love or hate things, but I enjoy your line, “I also enjoy”. That showed that you don’t abuse I love this or I hate this or I like this a lot.