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Family’s work hard each day in order to make the annual dead line of the American dream, which cost over $130K. About 1 in 8 families make the amount needed to achieve the so called American dream. This number suggest that out of America’s population only 16 million households experience the dream. These statistics given by Robert Gold suggest, the dream isn’t as achievable as anticipated. This once called dream dissipates the nightmare rises and the dream is no longer achievable.

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Add: There isn't a counter claim

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The American dream is unfortunately dead and not coming back. The deferred dream is now just that nothing more than a hopeless dream, so that Americans can feel their wonderland is still achievable like Colin Powell thinks the dream can be revived. As some lucky souls will have the chance to live the dream which when the Brooking Institute conducted a survey only 1 in 8 got to live the dream. Now to live the American dream is at a money limit of $130,000 which is more than a far cry for most. As proven time and time again this dream is now just a nightmare of a lost hope which we lie and say it's alive, but the sad truth is it's not.

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# data[].attributes.body
Some people believe that the American Dream is still achievable even though it costs, on average, $130,000 a year for a family of four. In Price Tag for the American Dream it states, "Only 16 million U.S. households - about 1 in 8 - earned that much in 2013, according to the U.S. Census Bureau." Price Tag for the American Dream also says that economic security isn't the only thing that the American Dream consists of. It also includes "finding and pursuing a rewarding career, leading a healthy and personally fulfilling life, and being able to retire in comfort."

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-Add: More evidence and elaboration on why the American Dream is unattainable.

-Delete:

-Reorder: Based on my opinion I don't think there is any reordering necessary.

# data[].attributes.body
Although some people like Colin Powell believe that by coming together we can all still achieve the American dream, there is no way the American dream is still achievable. The cost to achieve the American dream has ended the dream altogether. According to Howard Gold, “…the American dream would cost an average family of four about $130,000 a year. $130,000 just to achieve a dream is not only unreasonable but is completely absurd. We all just have to realize that because of the cost required to achieve the American dream, it is now a dream deferred.

Replace: I didn't see anything for you to replace.

Add: I don't have anything for yo to add.

Delete: There is no way the American dream is still achievable. It is too opinionated. Also, 130,000 just to achieve a dream is not only unreasonable but is completely absurd. It is also too opinionated.

Reorder: The second and the third sentence. Put the third sentence first.

# data[].attributes.body
-Replace:

-Add: You should add the total amount it costs for everything ("extras", Medical expenses, etc.).

-Delete: Delete the "well" or "Although" in your first sentence. It didn't make sense when I read it.

-Reorder: In my opinion I believe that you don't need to reorder anything.

# data[].attributes.body
Although, the American dream is still achievable for some americans, there are still more americans that are unable to achieve the American dream. According to Howard Gold, a survey conducted by the Brookings Institution revealed that the American dream was "harder to achieve." In source 2, "only 16 million U.S. households - around 1 in 8" were able to earn enough money to achieve the American dream ,"according to the U.S. Census Bureau." If the American dream keeps getting harder and harder to achieve the 1 in 8 Americans that can achieve the American dream will become 0 in 8 Americans.

Replace: Americans in the first or second sentence because you used it twice and it is redundant.

Also Reword your first sentence because it isn't worded very well. You should probably say something like; The American Dream is achievable for some people but for the majority of people, the American Dream is a dream deferred.

Add: A general elaboration for your pieces of evidence because you do not have any elaborations.

Delete: I think you should delete the first piece of evidence because it is not helping your paragraph. It is unnecessary.

Reorder: I don't think that any reordering is necessary.

Also: I really liked your last sentence. That was quite effective!!

# data[].attributes.body
If the American dream were to be achievable by all, the lives of many Americans would be a much better story to tell. In Source 2, it states that the average family of four must make around $130,000 to be able to achieve the dream. However, the average family earning each year is only $51,000, only about a third of the dream. In Colin Powell’s speech “Sharing in the American Dream,” he says “… the dream must no longer be deferred and it will never, as long as we can do anything about it, become a dream denied.” And although Colin Powell may believe the dream is still living, if only an eighth of the American population can even afford to think about the dream, the American dream may as well be a “dream deferred.”

Reorder: switch the second and third sentences (adding transitions and moving some phrases) and combine them into one "flowy" sentence

Delete: the "And" in the sentence "And although Colin Powell may believe..."

Nothing else for "Add" or "Replace"

# data[].attributes.body
Colin Powell states in his speech “Sharing the American Dream” that “all of us can give an extra dollar, all of us can touch someone who… needs us in their lives”. But taking into account the data from “Price Tag for the American Dream”, most people can’t even afford their own dream, let alone to help someone else achieve theirs. Only 16 million U.S. households (around 1 in 8) earned $130,000 annually, which was the annual expense estimation of the American Dream. If only 12.5% of our population earned this on an annual basis, then the majority of Americans couldn’t afford this price wouldn’t have the opportunity to make this “American Dream” into an “American Reality”. Sadly Colin Powell's optimistic stance on this was mistaken; most of America would just have to realize that this so-called “American Dream” is an “American Dream Deferred”.

Replace:  replace sadly with unfortunately.

Add: average income.
Delete:  every thing is way to good to delete.
Reorder: put 1/8 before 16 million.

# data[].attributes.body
While Colin Powell's speech about the American Dream was very inspiring to many people, today it is much more difficult to achieve. At the time it seemed like a reality but as time goes on, money is harder to make and the Dream is too expensive for most people. The average cost to live the American Dream is $130,357. The median household income is about $51,000. (Price Tag of the American Dream) Only 16 million US households make enough money to live the American Dream, which is about 1/8 of the population. The American Dream still remains but as things continue, fewer people can afford to live it.

Replace: Much harder- Much more difficult to achieve

Add: Only 16 million US households make that much, about 1/8 the population

Delete: While Colin Powell's speech about the American Dream was very inspiring (Opinionated)

Re-order: Put statistics right after your opening sentence.

# data[].attributes.body
Although the American Dream to some families is dead it is still achievable for others? According to Howard Gold, a survey conducted by the Brookings Institution revealed that the American dream was “harder to achieve." but what about the families that did achieve it to them it might not have been that hard. “Only 16 million U.S. households – around 1 in 8 – earned that much in 2013, according to the U.S. Census Bureau” (Source 2). This shows
how the rest of the 88% of people don’t make enough money to afford the American Dream 16 million families have.  Showing how hard it actually is to achieve.

1. Replace:

- Replace the beginning with a counter claim.

2. Add:

- Add better elaboration.

3. Delete

- You should either get rid of the bthe end depending witch side your on because it is confusing on which side your on.

4. Reorder:

-At the end it should say only 12% of people can afford the american dream leaving the other 88% stranded. I

# data[].attributes.body
Although some people think the American dream is still possible, it is proven that without a lot of money, this dream is far from achievable “in an analysis by USA TODAY, it shows that living the American dream would cost the average family of four about $130,000 a year. Only 16 million U.S. households — around 1 in 8 — earned that much in 2013, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.” When you think about this number, it proves to you that few of the many people in the United States have been able to achieve this dream no matter how hard they work for it.

Replace

Replace "few of the many people." With few people...

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Add some more elaboration to each piece of evidence.

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# data[].attributes.body
Although a few people may say the american dream is still alive the evidence shows that it is clearly dead. 130K to achieve the dream is completey absurd not even a fourth of americans make that much in one year. All the other expenses the dream might as well have been forgoten and for a large family of 6 or more the dream is almost imposisble to attain. Many people cant even suport a dream for themself sadly more and more people are liveing in poverty and not liveing the dream.

Replace: "the evidence shows that it is clearly dead"; add better phrasing and word choice to improve flow and "strength"

Add: Address the counterclaim, support elaboration with more evidence (average income, how it compares to the necessary funds)

Delete: "more and more people are living in poverty and", and add a strong ending after "dream"

Reorder:

Other: fix grammatical errors (spelling, punctuation, fluency)

# data[].attributes.body
Although the American Dream may be affordable for some Americans it is not affordable for a lot of them. The American Dream comes with a price tag. A price tag that not all of us can afford. According to Howard Gold, a survey conducted by the Brookings Institution revealed that the American dream was “harder to achieve”. Thus, the American Dream could be a dream come true. The American Dream is harder to achieve because a lot of Americans do not have the money to live this so called “American Dream”. “Only 16 million U.S. households – around 1 in 8 – earned that much in 2013, according to the U.S. Census Bureau” (Source 2). Not all Americans cannot afford to live the American Dream. There is an estimated price of 130K to live the American Dream. Which not all of us can get that much money.

Replace: "Not all Americans cannot" with "Not all families can"; it makes the sentence less redundant.

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# data[].attributes.body
In spite of the few people who can or have achieved the American Dream there are still many of us who haven’t achieved it as stated in The price tag of the American Dream only 1 in 8 households earn enough money to live the American dream “. Even though the estimated cost is about $130,000.Therefore , that is less then half the country that can afford the American Dream . According to Colin Powell the dream is achievable As long a we help each other out . But in order for us to help someone else we must first help ourselves , and if we cannot accomplish that we will be stuck, stuck in a endless time loop , No matter how hard we try the dream will always be there , just in our reach but we will not be able to grasp it.

Replace: Also, In the sentence "Thus, that is less...." delete "Thus that is less......" and say something like, therefore, less than half the population can afford the American Dream.

Add: A transition before the sentence; "In which the estimated cost...." to improve the flow of your paragraph.

Delete: The quotes around The price Tag of the American Dream because you are not quoting that.

Reorder: Combine the first and second sentences because currently the first sentence is a fragment.

There are a couple other conventional errors in the last few sentences which you can fix.

I really like your last sentence!

# data[].attributes.body
Although some Americans are able to live the American dream some Americans don't want to live it or can afford it.  According to
[source 2] The us census bureau only 16 million 1-8 households earn 130k a year. This stating that the American dream is too expensive and dying out to most American. For some Americans  this dream can be burden on there shoulders .

Replace: Replace This stating with something that better fits the flow.

Add: Add a sentence to elaborate such as "While an average American makes 51,000 a year, which is a big gap between 130,000."

Delete: Delete "This can be burden on there shoulders".

Reorder: The flow of the paragraph is fine, Nothing can be found to reorder.

# data[].attributes.body
In spite of the rich population in America which maintain the American Dream, For the rest of the population concludes that the American Dream is not achievable. The overwhelming costs of groceries, house bills, car bills, taxes and much more it isn't easy for most people to establish a stable job which delivers this large of a paycheck. According to the article "Price Tag For The American Dream" the average cost to live the American Dream is one hundred thirty thousand a year. Compared to the average amount a family earns is fifty one thousand a year. Thus concluding that only sixteen million out of a very large amount of people live the American Dream. This concludes that the American Dream is not achievable, as it is only the a part of the wealthy community in America.

replace

the use of concluding

add  instead of saying concludes or concluding  add stating  or states

delete

it would be best to get rid of the stable job that brings in a stable paycheck and with you evidence feels a little repetitive .

reorder none

but the flow is nice

# data[].attributes.body
Although the American dream may be achievable for some people. Although, it is not achievable for all Americans. The American dream is very expensive over 100 thousand dollars. the American dream is not as affordable as it was in the late 1900's. the American dream is dead for most people but, some people the dream is still achievable.

Replace: Although sounds repetitive in the first two sentences.

Add: You need more commas to make your flow more even.

Delete: In the last sentence, you contradict yourself. The whole essay was against the dream but your closing sentence is saying that the dream is still alive.

Reorder: The first two sentences could be mixed into one, longer one.

# data[].attributes.body
In spite of some people being able to achieve the american dream but for most people the american dream is only a dream. It is said that to live the american dream it would cost annually 130,000 thousand dollars ,bucks, or dough (get it deer joke) and that's when the average American makes only 51,000 that is a difference of over 79,000 dollars and that is only for 4 people. So if there was a family of 7 there would need to be 3 average am American incomes to live the american dream. so i am not saying the american dream is impossible i am just saying it is had to achive. in sorce one is say about 1 in 8 american house holds can live the american dream so if 1 in 8 can live it than 7 in 8 cant live it and majority rules so the dream is dead.

Replace: You should Replace "-the American dream is only a dream." with The American dream is just a dream they can't achieve. Also replace "So is there was a family of 7 there would need to be a 3 average-"

Add: You should elaborate why this is a "dead dream".

Delete: Delete the "so I am not saying the American dream is impossible I am just saying it is hard to achieve". you can't use I in your essay.

Reorder:
You should reorder the evidence towards the middle so then you can elaborate towards the end of your paragraph.

# data[].attributes.body
Although some people are able to achieve the American Dream, for others it is not as easy. The American Dream is very costly. According to Source 2 it costs about $130,000 annually to afford to live the dream. Most families can't even afford to achieve the dream let alone keep it. Source 2 states that, "Only 16 million U.S. households - around 1 in 8 - earned that much in 2013, according to the U.S. Census Bureau". Not many families are able to achieve the Dream. Collin Powell believes that this dream is still achievable, however, he is wrong and the American Dream is dead.

Replace: You can change "keep it" to a more specific word like sustain.

Add: Add a little more elaboration.

Delete: None

Reorder: None