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Hi Sarah, your piece was fantastic! The first star is that I really like how you described the log with the Cheetos and everything. The second star is that I loved the emotion you added like all caps and exclamation points. Honestly, I couldn’t think of a wish for you, your piece was so good!

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I really like the creativity in the piece. I like the theme and how to defeat the stairs. How do you get the lock ness monster egg?

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Hi Sarah! Your piece ‘Superior Stampeding Stairs’ was very creative, funny, and fun to read! One strength that I noticed was how you vividly described how to defeat the stairs and calm them down. It was very descriptive and specific when you said, “When you are trying to defeat the evil stairs, you will need 3 pineapples, 6 watermelon, 2 giant pumpkins and a lochness monster egg. When you are on the stairs, go to the fifth stair and lift up the stairs to reveal a giant mouth.” Another strength in your writing was how you added funny sentences throughout the whole piece. I liked when you said “THEY ARE ALL LIARS!” “The great legend of Jimmy Runner.” “Call 911-538-HELP!” All of these lines helped make the story more interesting to read. One wish that I have is for you to add more pictures next time because it would really bring the story to life. Great job!

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Hey Sarah!! I loved your piece, especially how to defeat the stairs. It was so creative and funny. It was one of your strengths. I thought it left the piece on a great note. I also loved when you talked about someone who experienced the stairs. It made the peice much more convincing. So another strength. I do wish you added more pictures, It would have added a lot more to the story. Overall great piece!

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Mia Taylor Hi Sarah! Star: I loved the creative words. For example” Many say stairs never come to life and stairs are the softest thing to walk on, but they are all liars.” It had me laughing a storm. I thought your words were very fun and I can see you thought them through. Star: I really liked your title on your page. The pictures on the first page were really cool too. The guy smile it with the bad is very cool. Wish: My wish for you is that maybe you can upload more pictures next time. Pictures would help describe the story better. 
Mia Taylor

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Mia Taylor Hi Sarah! Star: I loved the creative words. For example” Many say stairs never come to life and stairs are the softest thing to walk on, but they are all liars.” It had me laughing a storm. I thought your words were very fun and I can see you thought them through. Star: I really liked your title on your page. The pictures on the first page were really cool too. The guy smile it with the bad is very cool. Wish: My wish for you is that maybe you can upload more pictures next time. Pictures would help describe the story better. 
Mia Taylor

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Hi Sarah! Star: I loved the creative words. For example” Many say stairs never come to life and stairs are the softest thing to walk on, but they are all liars.” It had me laughing a storm. I thought your words were very fun and I can see you thought them through. Star: I really liked your title on your page. The pictures on the first page were really cool too. The guy smile it with the bad is very cool. Wish: My wish for you is that maybe you can upload more pictures next time. Pictures would help describe the story better.

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A strength of your essay, “ School Start Times” is that you make it feel like you are part of the scenes. It felt so real and powerful that it made me think how I would feel in that position. Another strength of your essay is you make your statements very strong. The statements you make quickly made me feel that there needed to be better school times everywhere. However I think you could've added a little more persuasion into your look to the future.

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Sarah, I really enjoyed reading your essay ‘School Start Times.’ I thought that the description in the introduction paragraph was amazing. The way you described the annoying noise of the alarm, the freezing water, the honking school bus, and the lukewarm milk really hooked me and painted a very clear picture in my mind. Another thing that I really enjoyed about your essay was your word choice. When you used words in your anecdotes like ‘procrastinating’ instead of ‘stalling’ and ‘crying inside’ instead of ‘feeling sad,’ I felt like it was very high-level writing. One wish that I have for you is to add a bit more detail in your conclusion paragraph. I thought that you could have further elaborated in your ‘look to the future’ by adding what life will be like if early school start times continue. I also think that you could have ended with a stronger sentence at the end like an open-ended question or a quote. Overall, I thought that your paragraph was great! Nice job!

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Star#1-Sarah I liked how you really painted a picture in my head about getting up for school. I especially like how you said What does waking up early do that is positive? I loved all the questions that you asked.

Star#2- I also liked how you gave a lot of details into your body paragraph and described each thing that was happening in the hook.

Wish- What I think that you could do a little better on is a little bit of a stronger claim so I could be hook ata the beginning but overall I think that you did great.

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Hi, Sarah! Your essay, “School Start Times,” was amazing! In particular, I loved how in your introduction paragraph you described how the student woke up in the morning like spilling the water and using sound effects for the alarm. Another star you earned was how in all your anecdotes there were strong descriptions and inner thoughts. It really made me feel like I was in the moment. The only thing I could say negatively was that I wish you would have done everything you did! It was truly fabulous. Great work!From Carly C.

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Star 1: Hey Sara! SO A big streangth that I loved was you evidence. I liked that you used real examples of real students struggling with school start times. I think it made the reader start to think of the evidence as not only evidence but real people going to real things and that is so convincing.
Star 2: I also liked how you added some speaking in your anecdote. It was great and made the anecdote seem more real and emotional.

Wish: Something I really wish you did is make your ending more emotional. I think a quote would have added a lot. I think that you had this amazing essay and then the ending didnt live up to that. Overall I loved this essay (and how you highlighted it) you did really good!

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Star: I really liked the scenarios you made. Reading the scenarios made me feel like I was the character, struggling getting ready for school. The detail of the story and the emotion brought to the character amazed me. That really shows that you can put so much emotion into the reader through you writing.

Star:I also love the word choice and the transition words. It brings more spice to the essay and makes it more interesting.

Wish: This writing piece is truly excellent! However, I think that you could add a bit more detail in the warrants to give the reader a better visual of the story. Overall, you made a wonderful persuasive essay!

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Star- Sarah, I loved your small moment! It had so much detail and I especially loved the part where you described the up,up,down,together part because I felt like I was thinking that as well!
Star- I was amazed at the part where you went on the stage and felt as though there was no one there even there was over 1,000 people!
Wish- Even though your piece is absolutely amazing the only thing I would say is I wished you described your big, shining moment or more of how you felt in that moment.

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Star: I thought you did really good when you were making your metaphors. You did that very well and I liked seeing how you would relate one thing to another.
Star: I really loved your ending when you gave that nice sentence about how you can do something if you believe in yourself.
Wish: I can’t even really think of a wish, because I thought you did really great. You chose a very small moment and added so much detail!