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👧🏻 Resilience: A book to Encourage Resilience, Persistence

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A Little Spot of Empathy by Diane Alber | Read Aloud Fun

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Social Emotional Learning read alouds related to Self and Social Awareness. Many have the YouTube links to videos where the book is read.

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Blue or red? Vanilla or strawberry? Movie or book? Help your kid be confident in her decisions.

Whenever I ask my son, Darren, to make a choice, it seems to take him forever. He recently spent half an hour in the toy store flip-flopping about which robot to buy-the one with the eyes that glow or the one that can kick a ball. Sometimes I want to blurt out, "Just decide already!"

Darren isn't alone in his wishy-washiness. "It's normal for 5- and 6-year-olds to make snap judgments about certain things, like which vegetable they don't want, and put too much thought into others, like choosing a toy or an ice-cream flavor," says Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., a child psychologist and author of Freeing Your Child From Anxiety. The reason is their lack of experience. "Until now, parents made most of the decisions, but when kids enter school, their world expands and there are more opportunities for them to voice their preference," she says.

Learning to make their own choices helps children be more independent, responsible, and confident, so decision-making is a good skill to emphasize. While your child won't become decisive overnight, there's plenty you can do to help him work through the "yes, no, maybes."

The next time you're pondering a situation-whether it's what to make for dinner or when to take the dog for a walk-go through the process aloud with your child, suggests Peter L. Stavinoha, Ph.D., a child psychologist at Children's Medical Center Dallas. "Describe the pros and cons of each option, compare them with one another, and talk about anything else that will help you reach the decision," he says.

For instance, if you're trying to figure out what to get Grandpa for his birthday, you might talk about the prices of gifts, Grandpa's favorite hobbies, and which present he'll be able to use the most. Allowing your child to see how you arrive at your conclusions will help him understand the effort that's required and give him a road map to follow when making decisions of his own.

Hand your daughter a brochure of gorgeous cakes, tell her to pick one for her birthday, and watch how quickly she gets lost in deliberation. "Research shows that if we have too many choices, we get overwhelmed because we don't want to reject too many things," says Dr. Chansky. Narrow down the choices to a few and then let your child pick. Kids need experience becoming good decision makers, so practice helps.

Children often get stuck trying to decide something because they think every decision is a huge deal. Helping your child learn the different levels of decisions can ease his worry-and save you both a lot of time. Explain that small decisions, like what snack to take to school, can be made quickly; medium decisions, such as which book to get from the library, require a little more thought; and larger, more important ones, like choosing a sport to participate in, call for more time and consideration. Then the next time he gets flustered about which kind of juice he wants to order at a restaurant, you can remind him it's a small decision and he won't feel overly pressured.

When kids ask themselves questions or make compare-and-contrast evaluations, they're actually slowing down their thought process, so they are better able to think things through, says Michelle P. Maidenberg, Ph.D., clinical director of the Westchester Group Works, in Harrison, New York. You can help your child get used to this way of thinking by giving her scenarios that require choices and fundamental problem solving. Asking how she would handle it if two classmates invited her to super-cool birthday parties at the same time on the same day or what she would buy if she won $10 in the school raffle are interesting ways to engage her critical-thinking skills and sharpen her decision-making abilities, says Dr. Maidenberg.

Of course, you know what could happen if your kindergartner takes his entire allowance to school. But if he still insists after you warn him that he could lose the money, let him carry it to school. "As long as it isn't a matter of health or safety, it's important for children to make some bad decisions because it helps them learn to consider consequences," says Dr. Stavinoha. When your son comes home crying because he dropped a dollar in the playground at recess, you can bet that he won't fight you about leaving most of his money at home next time.
Originally published in the November 2012 issue of Parents magazine.

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Teaching Your Kid to Make Good Decisions

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Blue or red? Vanilla or strawberry? Movie or book? Help your kid be confident in her decisions. Whenever I ask my son, Darren, to make a choice, it seems to take him forever. He recently spent half an hour in the toy store flip-flopping about which robot to buy-the one with the eyes that glow or the one that can kick a ball.

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When your children are small, you chose everything for them, from what they will wear to where they go that day.

As parents, we know that someday, they will have to make decisions without us. How do we make sure they know how to make good decisions that keep them safe in an increasingly dangerous world?

The short answer is, you can't. Not really.

But there is something you can do.

A few years back my oldest daughter was eighteen and sitting in the living room, plinking on our piano. Like a slow-motion replay, I still remember her silhouette as she made her announcement. Head down, looking at the keyboard, she tried for casual; "So, Mom, I've decided I want to go into the Army full time." Arms tight to her side, she braced for argument.

Over an hour later, I had cycled through reasoning, debate, bullying, cajoling and even pleading. The discussion ended with this exchange;

"Why? WHY do you have to go where people are DYING?"

"It just feels right, mom."

With those five words, my world-view spun and the pivot point suddenly was NOT me. I realized: this was about my daughter, and HER life.

"Give me time," was all I could muster.

It took me a week to come around. During that time, I remembered my brother, Doug. Doug made it home from Vietnam safe and sound, but died in a car accident less than two years later.

Then I realized: my mother, with all her control, had not been able to keep her son safe. Life is not safe, and the best we can do as parents is to help our children grow into happy adults who know how to make good decisions.
Perhaps not ones that keep them safe. But hopefully, ones that are right for them in that moment.
I did not raise my daughters in the idyllic, swoop-in-and-rescue type of childhood I had. Their upbringing was chaotic and we moved an incredible amount. Yet, somehow, they have all three turned out to be emotionally strong, self-reliant young women with good decision making abilities and the confidence to take risks and seek their passion.

Bonus: Want to raise loving, happy, well-adjusted kids without the nagging, screaming, stress and drama? Get our free mini-course How to Be a Positive Parent. Click here.

Now that I am a grandmother and find myself offering advice to younger parents, I have discovered some key points that I frequently emphasize. Researching these points, I have come up with four things essential for raising good decision makers.

#1 Make a Clear Connection between Choice and Consequences

When my husband and I went to a parenting class, we emerged with an incredibly simple concept: de-personalize parenting.

I know that sounds a bit backwards on a blog that advocates connection-based parenting every chance it gets. Let me explain.

A typical scenario in our house was something like this: three daughters aged 8- 12 in the house, both parents working full time. We would come home to prepare dinner and discover that someone had left dirty dishes all over the kitchen. Sound familiar?

My reaction depended heavily on how tired I was. Tired enough, we would all go out, or eat PBJ for dinner. Grumpy enough, and they would be in the kitchen doing dishes under my glare.

Action and consequence were not connected, and the results of an action were unpredictable because I took it personally.
When one of my children did something I saw as "wrong", I saw it as a reflection of my ability as a parent.
Enter the consequence list. In a class taught by Ivan and Judy Brewer, who between them had over 50 years of parenting experience, I learned that parenting should not resemble a game of Calvin ball.

Consequences need to be a natural outcome of a child's behavior, related, respectful, and reasonable, and work best when you have an empathetic, connected relationship with your child.

Having pre-established boundaries and consequences enabled me to stop worrying constantly about establishing my parental authority, and kept me a more consistent parent.

A simple piece of paper on our fridge listing the consequences enabled me to replace a 20-minute rant with, "Who's socks are these? Audrey? What's the consequence for leaving things out?"

Since my daughters were old enough, we sat down with them and drafted our list together. The list is a living document; open to change and evolution as the family grows. Even younger children can contribute their thoughts.

If your children are too young to read, you can draw pictures for them. Start with a set of actions or household boundaries such as: playing with outdoor toys inside. Ask your kids, "What do you think should happen if you are playing with a ball inside, and you break a vase?"

Here is an example consequence list as a starting point:

Leaving stuff out

Pick up stuff, 1 extra chore

Not turning in assignments

Detention* until assignments were current

Violating curfew

1 evening of detention for every 5 minutes late

Backtalk, disrespect

Time out**, 1 minute per year of age

Fighting over shared belongings

Removal of item for a day ***

Out of bounds ****

Minor - day of detention. Major - Grounding, variable day lengths according to the severity of the transgression.

Damaging things (not on accident, but through negligence)

Repair/replace item, clean up mess. This time comes out of their free time

Some key points on implementation of the list:

They are not in the doghouse, it is not personal. The list is just a neutral third party, and the consequence is a natural result of their choices.

Don't pull out the big guns right away. Don't choose grounding for leaving socks out. It's not a natural consequence, nor is it reasonable.

Consistency is key.

Changing the list is an option, but not while a consequence is in action. Set a time later for discussion.

Some notes:

* Detention: it's a mini-grounding. Intense but short. We removed free time. When the child comes home from school, they are allowed to eat their snack, take care of other duties, then restricted to their room with no computer, phone, social time, or books until the needed task is completed.

**This was a time before we had such easy access to material on positive parenting. If we were to make this list today, I would probably replace timeouts with timeins.

*** I would now change this one too. I would add: have the children come up with a plan (if age-appropriate) for sharing. This can be as simple as a sit down discussion, or a written schedule and encourages the development of conflict resolution skills and consequently, emotional intelligence.

**** Out of bounds - this is a catch-all for breaking household rules. We divided it into minor and major. For example: getting off the bus a stop early without permission - out of bounds minor. Being caught at a frat party? Out of bounds major. You can't think of everything, and this is a great way to add flexibility to the list, so it can grow with your family.

Adding the potential for positive consequences to the list would expand the usefulness of this tool. In the real world, trust is earned, and this list has the potential to teach that skill as well. One example might be if your child is consistently early or on time for curfew; move it a little later, as age-appropriate.

Implementing a consequence list saved our sanity, and gave us a neutral ground to discuss keeping rules uniform in multiple households. Ideally, in split families, the consequences would be similar and agreed upon.

#2 Validate Decision-Making Tools: Feelings and Thoughts

Feelings and thoughts are how we navigate the decision making process. Teaching children to listen to and trust their own feelings and thoughts will create adults who can find their way in the world. The quickest route to validating your children's feelings is to empathize.

Empathy has four attributes:

See the world as someone else sees it: this requires distancing yourself from your own recording in your head, and really seeing what's happening with your child.

Be non-judgemental: feelings and thoughts are just that, feelings and thoughts.

Understand your child's feelings: Keep this really simple. How are they acting? Upset? Don't worry about the "why", just the "what is". i.e. "You seem angry", "You seem really upset"

Communicate your understanding: "Sweetie, you seem really upset that your milk spilled."

The aim is to validate children's feelings and thoughts without compromising parenting choices. When you put your opinions on hold and acknowledge your toddler's feelings over a denied sweet, or your middle-school's daughter's heartbreak over her boyfriend of two hours, you connect and empower your child to believe in their feelings.

When my eldest daughter was twelve, she was returning from a visit with her father's family. On our long road trip back, she shared a conversation she and her step-grandma had. This was an especially sore point for me at the time, so I was extremely defensive about our parenting beliefs and family culture.

As my daughter elaborated on grandma's opinion, my blood pressure rose. I was about to explode in defensiveness, when I had a moment of clarity. My choice was simple: I could either try to push the woman's opinion out of my daughter's head with my own "better" opinion, or I could teach my daughter to value her opinions, and decide for herself what she thought.

This was a very vulnerable place to put myself. I felt exposed, allowing my child to choose someone else's opinion over mine. I resolved to swallow my feelings, and focused on her.

I turned to her and said, "Sweetie. You are an intelligent young woman and can see things for yourself. What do you think of what Grandma Laura said?"

My daughter thought a minute, and replied, "I don't think she's right. In fact, I was weirded out by what she said, and how she treats my cousins."

Vindication and triumph aside, even if my daughter wasn't completely honest in her opinion, handling it this way took her through the motions of thinking and opining.

#3: Help Them Understand the Decision Making Process

There are a few ways to look at the decision making process, but most agree on the first step, and the last step.

1. Pause - Identify the decision. Have children ask "Why do I want this?"

2. "What are my options?"

3. "What are the consequences of my actions?"

4. "Which consequence is best" - teach them to look both short term and long term.

5. Review the decision and consequences

The first and last steps are the most critical in learning how to make good decisions. Children are often impulsive; teaching them to pause and recognize a decision can bring thought into the process. To maintain growth, flexibility, and gain confidence in decision-making, you need to review the decision and the consequences.

For younger children, steps one and two are often combined. You might present limited alternatives and identify that as a decision to be made. You might offer your four-year-old the choice between a cherry lollipop and a grape lollipop. Even this little decision can be reviewed: "Did you like the grape one? Do you think you might try the cherry next time?"

Slightly older children can learn from you sharing the entire process on bigger decisions. Perhaps you want to choose a bike for your seven-year-old. If you're like me, you will likely research brands and prices, identify the bikes you are willing to consider, etc.

Your seven-year-old can accompany you to the store, try out bikes, express his preference in colors, cool factor, etc. You can show him prices, explain why some are more, the pros and cons of each: i.e. this one is better made, and will not break when you jump off that wooden ramp. (Ok maybe that's a bad example...).

When the bike is chosen, be sure to consider his input, and after he's ridden it awhile, evaluate the choice. Is it as cool as he hoped? Would he choose a different one next time? This allows children to learn adaptability as well as how to make good decisions collaboratively.

#4: Give Them Experience with Decisions, Especially the Consequences of the Decision, Even if it Includes Failure

Together we will cry and face fear and grief. I will want to take away your pain, but instead I will sit with you and teach you how to feel it.
- Brene Brown

Big, scary decisions come into our children's lives whether we like them or not, and they can come earlier than we would like. I was still worrying about my daughter's choice of wearing my mother's seventies outfit to the science fair (no it was not a costume event), when I got a rude awakening.

During an appointment, my daughter's doctor pointed out that final medical decisions were my daughter's; Washington State law gives children the rights to make their own medical decisions at age 12.

Immediately humbled, I felt sick. I thought I had done nothing to prepare her for this kind of decision-making. This incident forced me to realize that I had a young adult on my hands, and my days of making decisions for her were quickly coming to an end.

Unbeknownst to me, I actually had been giving her one of the most important tools required for good decision-making: experience. Not just experience in the process, but in the consequences.

Letting her wear the funky dress was just one example.

Another was letting her go stay with her father. The rough-and-tumble year that ensued did not turn out the way she planned, and the failure of that experiment taught her more things in one year than I could have in five years of lecturing.

It turns out that saving children from the consequences of their decisions, including failure, can undermine their ability to adopt a growth mindset, and reduce their chances of success in the world.

We can help them gain experience, and grow into many of these bigger decisions, however. Here are some strategies to experience decision-making.

Safe-Zones

Find age-appropriate "safe" areas for your children to make decisions and experience consequences, including potential failure. **WARNING** most of these 'strategies' involve sitting on your hands as a parent.
Pre-school and early grade school
A great one here is clothing choices. Limit their choices to weather-appropriate clothing, but if they mix and match from there, let them have at it.

Later grade school:

Clothing here works too, you can actually take it up a level. After multiple lectures, I decided to let my 6 th grader go to school in flip-flops with three feet of snow on the ground. I figured she was big enough to make other choices if her feet got cold. She still has all her toes, and wasn't sent home from school, so it would appear the consequences weren't too dire.

Resist the urge to do their homework projects for them (especially science fair and art projects!). A better strategy is to let them take in what they did, complete or not.
Middle school/High school
Decisions are getting larger by this point, and can be on par with adults in many cases. Selecting their own class schedules, picking the college, managing their time. See the note above about projects!!

Older children are now choosing their own wardrobe and friends. You still have veto power, but use it sparingly. A mini skirt for school? Back to the decision-making process; remember Step 1, and talk about the alternatives and consequences. Let HER list them. The idea is to get her to think of consequences, not just obey (or rebel against) your 'rule'.

What-Ifs

For several years, I taught children martial arts, and we spent incredible amount of time in scenarios. What if someone grabs you by this hand, what if they grab your hair.

Unrelated Side Note: The number one way we taught children to defend themselves was to learn to yell "This is not my mom or my dad, call 9-1-1!" - this is more coherent than just screaming, and can't be mistaken for a tantrum.

What-if is a great tool to practice decision-making when you are not under pressure. Role-play with your children about scenarios they are likely to experience. Be sure to include multiple alternatives, consequences to choices, and review the decision.

Some age-appropriate suggestions:
3-4 year olds:
What if another child takes your toys, what can you do?
What if another child hits you, what can you do?
Early elementary
If you see a friend stealing, what can you do?
If a friend is hurt, what can you do?
Later Elementary
If a friend wants you to help them cheat on a test, what can you do?
If a grownup asks you to do something you don't want to do, what can you do?
Middle school, High school
These conversations can take an adult turn at this point, and you can converse nearly as peers. You can even turn it around; bring up decisions that YOU are/have struggled with. Let your children start to help you problem solve. This is the graduation phase; they're learning to make some adult decisions at this point.

If a friend offers you drugs/sex/alcohol what can you do? (not what SHOULD you do)
If you're invited to a party that you know will break house rules, what can you do? (remember, no pre-judging choices here...)
If someone steals from you, what can you do?
If your boy/girlfriend cheats on you, what can you do?

The idea is to practice decision making without the emotional stress. Just like in martial arts. I practice getting out of a hairgrab in a safe zone with a friend. If it ever happens in real life, I have a practiced, well-thought-out decision ready at hand.

These four steps will help raise adults who are competent decision makers. We need to recognize early on that parenting is a progression of backing out of our children's decision-making processes, while continuing to maintain expectations for them.

Oh, and if you're curious, my daughter did end up joining the Army, and served in Iraq as a convoy driver. After I remembered my brother, I did some research. According to the numbers, my daughter was safer driving a convoy in Iraq than she was driving to university every day.

So I let go.

I went to her and told her she had my blessing to pursue whatever her heart wanted. She is now home, safe and sound, and getting ready to re-enlist. Yes, I will sprout more grey hair when she does, but I want my children to LIVE the life they want while they're here.

The 2-Minute Action Plan for Fine Parents

For our quick contemplation questions today -

Are you raising kids who can make good decisions?

In your perspective, what is a "good" decision - something that agrees with your choices or something that is right for the child? Of course, we would all prefer a decision that would meet both criteria - but for a decision that is either/or, which one would you be OK with?

When was the last time you "rescued" your child from the consequences of their decision? (one that was not endangering their health or safety)

What were the possible consequences of that decision?

Do you think you could let their decision stand next time?

The Ongoing Action Plan for Fine Parents

Over the next week -

Discuss with the children (as age appropriate) possible actions and consequences for their actions. I.e. Ask them what they think should happen if they hit another child on the playground, did not turn in assignments, or leave things out.

Build on the previous discussion, and craft a consequence/houses rules list. Post a consequence list on the fridge.

Have an age-appropriate what-if discussion with your child.

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Are You Teaching Kids How to Make Good Decisions? Here's How to Be Sure. - A Fine Parent

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When your children are small, you chose everything for them, from what they will wear to where they go that day. As parents, we know that someday, they will have to make decisions without us. How do we make sure they know how to make good decisions that keep them safe in an increasingly dangerous world?

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Helping Children Make Good Choices: Social Emotional Learning Video Lessons

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What's in Your Digital Footprint? | Common Sense Education

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Common Sense is the nation's leading nonprofit organization dedicated to improving the lives of all kids and families by providing the trustworthy information, education, and independent voice they need to thrive in the 21st century.

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Teaching Children the Power of Kindness | Barry Lane | TEDxCCSU

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Teaching Kidness to Kids: Why It Matters and How to Nurture It

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Parents are entrusted with immense responsibility of raising well-adjusted children. Children, who grow up to be assets to the society and not a nuisance. Teaching children to be kind is just one of those lessons that make them an asset to community. Kindness can be defined as

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A 6th-grader's lesson in courtesy and kindness

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Kid President + Glad to Give present How Good Spreads

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Be Kind | A Children's Story about things that matter

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As babies are born into this world, it's easy to forget that one day very soon, they'll join the larger social community around us. Even as toddlers begin preschool, kids are out in the world and interacting with many different people. For some of us, the communities in which we live are rather consistent while others live in more diverse areas, with a mixture of colors and cultures. Regardless of the area of the country we're raised, it's important to instill a sense of acceptance and tolerance within our children. Let's take an in-depth look at the importance of teaching kids about diversity before exploring ways to address it with young children.

We often think of children to be innocent, and indeed they are, as kids aren't born judging others by the color of their skin. While it's true that children are colorblind to race, it's only inevitable that they will one day witness or experience racial prejudice in some form. The early elementary years might seem awfully early to introduce heavy topics like racism or prejudice, but it's easier for little learners to understand when they learn that America wasn't always as they know it now.

Why Should Kids Learn About Equal Rights?

After kids leave toddlerhood behind, it's tempting to think that kids can be kept innocent and protected for as long as possible. However, once kids learn language well enough to communicate back and forth with others, they begin interacting with many people outside their immediate family and learn more about the wider world around them.

Learning about civil rights is crucial because it teaches kids how they can expect to be treated by others, as well as how they themselves should treat people. Teaching these sensitive topics at home starting from an early age creates a safe space to discuss and explore ideas, and for young people to form early pro-social opinions and values.

Of course, the primary purpose of teaching and learning about history is to ensure that the more negative aspects of our past do not recur in the future. This is why it's important to teach young learners the basics surrounding America's past, and the civil rights movement. When kids learn the issues that Americans faced when their grandparents were young, kids can more easily grasp why it's important to treat other humans equally, no matter the color of their skin or ethnic background.

In the end, it's all about teaching kids to be kind and accept others, even those who are different from them. This helps kids to learn empathy and could motivate them to take action and inspire others within their own schools or communities. As a parent, you can be confident that you are doing your best to raise socially tolerant and empathetic individuals that will change society for the better.

Ways to Address Diversity and Acceptance at Home and in the Classroom

Learning and discussing history is important for teaching kids about diversity and acceptance, but there are a plethora of ways and activities to address it both at home and in school. Try some of the following ideas to promote the idea of tolerance and a respect for human rights:

Model culturally responsive behavior and responsibility

As a parent and/or a teacher, you are the ultimate role model for your child or students. Believe it or not, kids look to their parents and teachers to learn how they should be treated, as well as how to treat others. The single most important thing you can do to raise socially tolerant and kind individuals is to model the behavior and actions you would like to see from your children. Monitor language and conversations, and openly discuss issues in a way respectfully and in a way that validates other people's cultural identities.

Choose learning materials for your child or students that are inclusive of different cultures

Diversity books for kids are a great way to introduce a concept that might seem foreign to little learners, especially if his or her own community is fairly homogenous. Incorporate texts that pinpoint the issues that others face because of their race or ethnicity, and use this to teach understanding and empathy.

Additionally, find culturally aware lessons in videos that can help break down this difficult-to-understand concept for young minds. Showing a video that is tailor-made for early learners can help kids understand the concepts of diversity and acceptance in an age-appropriate way. For instance, Kids Academy offers an incredible video that teaches kids about the Civil Rights Movement that helps break down these complex ideas for children.
Play & Learn Social Studies
Teach your child about their own culture and how they differ from others

Some families in America have been in the states for many generations and are far removed from their ancestors in their countries of origin. Further, many families represent a mixture of different ethnicities and backgrounds. Celebrate your family's ancestors and the current traditions in place by teaching your child about their own background. The first place to start is to teach your child about his or her own culture, identity, and traditions, and explore ways in which your family is different from others. Then, branch out and discuss how your culture is different from others in your same community or country, and bolster the concept of respecting others even if their culture is different.

Inspire your child to strive to make a different in his or her own community

Of course, one of the best ways to instill a sense of empathy for others who are different is to inspire kids to get out in their community to make a difference. Encourage your child or students to become activists by supporting and fighting for what they believe. Teach your child to stand up to bullies and take appropriate action if they are a witness to something bad in their school or community, instead of merely becoming a bystander. Have an open conversation about addressing issues within your community, and those that are affecting the country at any given time. By raising a socially aware child, parents can promote social acceptance and change.

Teach kids about different cultures found around the country and celebrate them

Learn more about your child's classmates, friends, or explore different cultures that reside within your own community and celebrate those cultures by studying them. Discuss what makes them different, and emphasize that the respect and tolerance kids should have for people who are different from them. Explore the diversity that exists in the country, and help your child discover and appreciate the differences found across the US.

Famous Civil Rights Activists Kids Should Know

As mentioned above, kids can understand the concept of treating others equally if they learn that America wasn't always as tolerant as it is today. Alongside addressing the concepts of equality and acceptance, it's critical that students explore America's past. To get started, be sure to start with the following famous African American civil rights activists:

Rosa Parks is an inspiration for children, who can easily relate to her plight on the bus where she refused to give up her seat to a white rider. Who hasn't been bullied into giving up something that they wanted? Rosa Parks was simply tired of giving in, and her subsequent arrest helped lead to the Montgomery bus boycott. Kids are easily inspired by Rosa Parks' simple refusal to give up her seat, and the situation is easily understood by the youngest of children. Because of her huge impact in the Civil Rights Movement through such a simple act, it's crucial that all kids learn about her contribution to the era.

Martin Luther King Jr.

Martin Luther King Jr. was truly a leader in his time, spreading the notion of his dream in which his own children can one day be judged upon their character instead of the color of their skin. Martin Luther King Jr.'s nonviolent approach to protests helped bring about change in the United States. Because of his contributions towards equal rights in America, it's obvious that teaching about MLK Jr. should be a staple in every classroom across the country.

Booker T. Washington

Born a slave, Booker T. Washington went on to contribute to become highly educated, eventually serving as an advisor to American presidents Theodore Roosevelt and William Taft. Washington's life story from slavery to success is an uplifting lesson for kids as they learn about his accomplishments and contributions to African American life in the early 1900's. Teaching kids about Booker T. Washington can show students the reality of life before the Civil Rights Movement to put more context behind the causes that fueled the era.

Teaching kids about diversity can at first seem like a daunting task. It's natural to want to protect children from the horrors of our world, but kids must understand history and the issues our country faces, both past and present, to grow up to be empathetic and caring individuals in our society. By teaching kids the importance of equality and acceptance, we can ensure that our future is better than our past.
Play & Learn Social Studies

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Teaching Kids about Diversity and Acceptance | Article

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Teaching kids about diversity is crucial to raising future societal leaders. By teaching kids about history, kids can easily grasp the present. Read this article to learn how to introduce the concepts of diversity, equality, and acceptance to kids in an age-appropriate way!

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HELLO - a short film about tolerance & diversity (1ST PLACE in the Nikon Cinema Z Film Fest 2019)

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CULTURAL DIVERSITY: How can I celebrate my friends?

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Beyond Magenta: Transgender Teens Speak Out | Non-Fiction Review

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The Color of my Words by Lynn Joseph Chapter 1&2

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Walk Two Moons by Sharon Creech (Book Summary and Review) - Minute Book Report

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A family is a family is a family - a read out loud story book

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Sam Reading "Different is Awesome" by Ryan Haack

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All Are Welcome - Read Aloud Picture Book | Brightly Storytime

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How to Raise Successful Kids -- Without Over-Parenting | Julie Lythcott-Haims | TED

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Sesame Street: Respect | Word on the Street

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Teaching kids to treat people of all races and backgrounds (and you!) with kindness and decency is the duty of all parents. The key is to set the right example.

Instead of saying, "Seriously, the ice cream again?" you can say, "I know you're still looking. Do you think another two minutes is enough time?" or maybe you compromise and she meets you in the checkout line, or maybe you snap a photo of the case so she can study it in the car-or maybe you simply assert that it's time to go, but politely.

We know it when we feel it, but what is respect? Thomas Lickona, Ph.D., a developmental psychologist and author of How to Raise Kind Kids, defines respect as "showing regard for the intrinsic worth of someone or something. We treat everyone, even people we dislike, as having rights, dignity, and worth equal to our own." And Lizzie Post, coauthor of Emily Post's Etiquette, 19th edition, says, "Respect means making choices that build relationships."

Value your kids' choices.

A good way to practice is with a low-stakes request: Your son wants to wear unmatched socks? Let him! Respect your child's preferences and style (even if you'd never wear a plaid shirt under a party dress) as a way of laying the groundwork for respecting the fact that this human is different from you. You want to get out of the rain, but your preschooler wants to stand outside and watch the water gushing down from the gutters. What does respecting that difference look like? It could be grabbing an umbrella from the house, waiting inside with a big towel, or saying, "You're super excited about water today! Let's run you a bath. It's too cold to stay out in the rain." The particular content of your response is less important than the fact that it honors your child's interest.

Speak politely.

Give kids a voice in decision making.

Research shows that children benefit from developmentally appropriate participation in decisions that affect their own lives, says Dr. Lickona. Asking, "What should we serve for dinner when your friend comes over tomorrow?" or "What music should we listen to in the car?" shows kids that you see them as people who have feelings and their own point of view.

Resolve conflicts thoughtfully.

Dr. Lickona recommends sit-down family discussions he calls "fair hearings," which involve offering a responsive, democratic ear to your children's opinions. You want your kids to see that you are doing your best to listen respectfully, even if you disagree with them. As they grow up, the issues will only get bigger-quitting chorus, questioning faith, dating someone you don't like-and it's important to have the practice of mutual respect solidly in place.

This doesn't mean kids always get what they want, and it doesn't mean there's no room for strong feelings. But instead of saying, "Don't be disrespectful," try to listen to the feelings behind what seems like disrespect. I remember taking my 3-year-old from a playdate she wasn't ready to leave, and she cried and kicked her little rain boots and I calmly explained that we had to pick up her brother. It wasn't negotiable, but I could hear how sad and frustrated she was. I didn't try to coerce her or make her consent to it. I just did what needed to be done and let her have her feelings about it. "You're so mad!" I said to her, "You weren't ready to leave yet!" And she said, "I wasn't!" and cried for a while. And then she stopped crying.

Give your full attention.

Listen, and model active listening by putting down your phone, making eye contact, and asking follow-up questions. Dr. Lickona calls good listening "an act of love," and it really is. One day those kids will have phones (if they don't already), and you'll want them to have had plenty of experience with you putting yours down to look up and tune in. Post tells parents that it's okay to be persistent and say, "I need you to look up at me so I know you're paying attention." Let's hope for the same from adults. (I've trained myself to hear the front door opening as the cue to close my laptop and put my phone down.)

Teach kids deep manners.

Cultivate curiosity.

Practice positive gossip.

This means noticing what's good about the people in your lives and talking about it. You might say, "Katie has gotten so good at the recorder! I can't believe that she and her friends can play 'Hot Cross Buns' with all that cool harmony" or "I love how Grandma always remembers that your favorite color is blue. She's so thoughtful." Positive gossip is basically the opposite of behind-someone's-back nastiness, and it's wonderful for developing gratitude, appreciation, and-yes-respect.

Call your kids out (respectfully).

Let's say that you usually, kindly, bring your child a snack to eat in the car after school, but you forgot today, and let's say that your child reflects on this lapse by rolling his eyes and mumbling, "What a stupidhead." Take a deep breath and count to ten. Remember that in order to teach respect, you need to show respect. Then model respectful limit setting: "I'm sorry that I forgot your Goldfish crackers, and I know you're hungry," you might say. "But do you hear the way your voice sounds when you're talking to me like that? It makes me feel bad, and it also makes me not really want to do nice things for you." I would ask for an apology too.

Experience other cultures and ways of being.

Broaden your child's mind so that respect and curiosity-rather than negative judgment-is her automatic response to difference. This might mean talking about what was most interesting at a neighbor's bar mitzvah, eating at the Korean restaurant that just opened in town, or going to the gay-pride parade. Read a book about kids all around the world, one like DK's Children Just Like Me, so you can talk about what's similar and different. (They love toys too. They get their water from a well.) All of those habits mean that you'll be creating your family identity around the practice of respect. Your children will think, "This is our family's way." And it will be.

More Teachable Moments About Respect

Kids are going to do and say disrespectful things-maybe because they're oblivious or testing limits or learning the ropes. Consider these scenarios and how you might (respectfully) respond to them.
Your child walks with muddy shoes across the floor you just mopped.
SAY: "I'm frustrated because I just cleaned the floor and now it's dirty again. Would you please grab a sponge and wipe up those muddy spots?"
Your child is building a Lego castle and pays no attention to you when you say it's time for dinner.
SAY: "I see you're busy building over there, but I feel upset when you ignore me. Come and tell me about what you're making while we eat, and then you can play more afterward."
Your child refuses to put on her coat to go to dance class, even though it's freezing out.
SAY: "I didn't realize how important this was to you. You don't have to wear your coat, but I still want you to stay warm. Can you find enough layers to make that work?"
Your child says, "More mashed potatoes."
SAY: "I'm so thrilled that you liked them! In our family, we always ask by saying 'please.' Can you please try asking again?"
Your child is angry about bedtime and calls you a jerk.
SAY: "I know you're frustrated, but you can't speak rudely to me. After you apologize, you can pick out a few books we can read together. Or if you're still feeling like you're going to speak to me in a mean way, you can go right to bed. It's up to you."

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10 Simple Ways to Raise a Respectful Child

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Teaching kids to treat people of all races and backgrounds (and you!) with kindness and decency is the duty of all parents. The key is to set the right example. Instead of saying, "Seriously, the ice cream again?" you can say, "I know you're still looking.

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Annie and the Old One by Miska Miles: Children's Books Read Aloud on Once Upon A Story

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The Berenstain Bears Show Some Respect~ Read Along With Me Story Time

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Read Aloud - A Little Respectful Spot: A Story About Respecting People, Places, and Things

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Responsible Decision-Making | Social-Emotional Learning | PBS LearningMedia

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Learn ways to teach children to make responsible decisions by developing the ability to think through all parts of a problem, analyzing a situation, understanding its ethical implications, and evaluating the consequences.

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SOCIAL EMOTIONAL LEARNING VIDEO LESSONS: WEEK 9 - MAKING GOOD CHOICES

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Social Emotional Learning Video Lessons - Responsible Decision Making Week 3

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📚 READ ALOUD//My Magical Choices By Becky Cummings

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Center for Parent and Teen Communication

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Research Made Relevant Video Series

Edutopia's new video series, Research Made Relevant, is about connecting theory to practice. In each episode, we explore cutting-edge ideas about teaching and learning from the world of research, meet educators who are putting them to the test in their own classrooms, and give you lesson ideas, tools, and resources to try new ideas in your own work.

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Teaching Grit Cultivates Resilience and Perseverance (Research Made Relevant Series)

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In rural New Hampshire, fifth-grade teacher Amy Lyon has created a curriculum based on researcher Angela Duckworth's ideas about grit. Students set and work toward their own long-term goals, learning valuable lessons about dealing with frustration and distractions along the way.

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Resilience really has to do with the process of being able to face adversity or trauma or tragedy, or everyday events that are just very difficult for all of us to handle. It's facing challenges. It really means being able to bounce back in a way from those adversities or those challenges.

But resilience is a complicated multidimensional idea, because what may look like resilience in one situation may not in another. In one cultural context we might value certain things as being resilient, and in another cultural context we might value other things as being resilient. For example, in some cultures stoicism is seen as a very important idea. In others, being emotional and really talking about your emotions is seen as a way to be resilient.

Cultivating Resilient Skills

Resiliency is both culturally defined and contextually defined, and that makes it a bit difficult to point and say, "These certain skills are resilient." Now while I say that, at the same time we think there are certain skills that help people to become more resilient. Those skills have to do with the ability to have good self-regulation. To be able to know how you feel and how others feel. To know how to manage conflict, know how to use the support of others. Especially during difficult times. To have a bit of perspective on life.

The first thing we know is that parenting is the most important early characteristic. That is, parents who are warm and sensitive and responsive to their children have children who are likely to have better social-emotional competence, and over time become more resilient. They're better able to make friendships and keep friendships, and so the first couple years of life are important to this process.

There are a key set of skills which we would call social-emotional competencies that we think are most important for building resilience and managing challenge.

But we know that schools are probably the primary place where we can both teach children, and they can learn to be socially competent. Being in the context of peer relations brings up all the issues for all of us. We can all think about what it was like when we were seven or eight on the playground, or when we didn't get invited to a party, or whatever the situation is. We didn't get picked to be on a team. That all these peer contexts really bring up a great deal of emotions in kids, and their ability to manage those emotions, talk about them, problem solve and negotiate in those contexts is really critical.

There are a key set of skills which we would call social-emotional competencies that we think are most important for building resilience and managing the typical everyday challenges as well as the more difficult challenges in life. These skills include both intrapersonal and interpersonal skills.
Social-emotional competency skills:

Skills about one's inner life and one's knowledge of oneself, one's strengths and weaknesses.

The ability to manage our emotions.

Interpersonal skills, like the ability to have compassion and empathy and perspective taking with others.

The ability to manage friendships, as well as the conflicts that arise in those friendships.

These skills begin early and are long lasting, and have an enormous effect on both our well-being, our physical health, and our employment outcomes as adults.

That's very different than when I started my career. I remember around 1980, close to 40 years ago. I became interested in promoting social emotional competence in schools with children. Some of my colleagues said to me, "That's just personality. There's nothing you can do about it. Some children are shy and some children are extroverted. Some children get along better with others". As if it's just primarily a temperament. We know temperament's important. We know some people learn these skills more easily, more naturally than others. But we know now that they can be taught to everyone. Just like we can teach reading or math or science and technology, we can also teach these skills.

We know now from over 250 well done experimental trials and meta-analysis of social emotional learning that when we use explicit skills, we teach children the skills of social emotional learning, they improve in their well being. They decline in their behavior problems. Classrooms become more cohesive, and children show better academic development. Explicit skills are an essential groundwork of everything that we do.

But we have to think about resilience as not just in the child, but in the context. In the context we create in terms of a classroom and a school being a place that's healthy and caring. A place where children feel that they have a sense of connection and belonging. I'll even use the word love being present. When that love is present, that connection is present, children are more likely to be motivated to try harder. To make better friendships. Do all the right things.

Creating a Culture of Mindfulness

We want those explicit skills. But just as important is thinking about the school context. The climate and the culture of the school. Its norms. Its attitudes. Its values. Its mission. As well as the well-being of the people in the building.

In fact, if a superintendent came to me as they do and asked me, "I hear all about mindfulness. What should I be doing in my district?", I would tell them the first thing they should be doing is working with their staff, not with the students. Because the ability of the staff to become more mindful and more present in the classroom, to develop deeper relationships and a sense of community with each other, is the essential ingredient here. When that happens, they'll be embodying mindfulness skills in a way that will make it easy for students to begin to take them on.

The adults in the building are really the essential factor. Now from a series of trials with a series of interventions, we now know that in careful randomized trials, that teachers who receive these interventions have higher well-being, they're likely to be physiologically more healthy. We've just presented new data from the CARE intervention showing that observers who are blind to the condition they're in rate these teachers as being more effective in their instruction.

We know that when we have better well-being, we're better at everything we do. It shouldn't be a surprise that when teachers have lower rates of depression they feel more efficacy as teachers, they're enjoying their job better, they're better at instruction.

That shouldn't be really surprising to us. We know that when we have better well-being, we're better at everything we do. It shouldn't be a surprise that when teachers have lower rates of depression they feel more efficacy as teachers, they're enjoying their job better, they're better at instruction. In the end, the quality of instruction we know is critical to how a school operates.

We've published data, long term data, showing that once you account for every other possible reason why children would succeed, like their social class or their ethnicity or their gender or the quality of the parenting or the type of neighborhood they live in. Once we account for all those characteristics, children's social emotional competence, rated by an eight item, just a simple eight item ... in kindergarten predicts if they'll graduate from high school, if they'll graduate from college, if they'll hold a full time job, and if they'll be arrested in adulthood. Because we know that people who are competent in ability to carry on life, to manage challenges, to manage conflict in their relationships, are not going to end up in the principal's office in middle school or high school, and they're going to be people that integrate well into society as effective citizens.

Teachers know this. Principals know this. Even superintendents know this. When you talk to superintendents, what you'll find is much the same belief. That they are all coming to the idea that unless they create coherent schools that are caring, healthy places, they're not going to get the outcomes that they are accountable for.

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Teaching the Tools of Resilience - Mindful Educators Community

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Resilience really has to do with the process of being able to face adversity or trauma or tragedy, or everyday events that are just very difficult for all of us to handle. It's facing challenges. It really means being able to bounce back in a way from those adversities or those challenges.

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The Hugging Tree ~ Read With Me ~Story Time

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I Can Do Hard Things ~ Kids Book about Resilience Read Aloud

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What do you think is the #1 skill your child needs to Succeed in life?

Is it being ambitious?

Is it about scoring high marks?

Or do you believe it's got something to do with Confidence?

Think about it!

We all want to raise confident, successful and happy kids, but do we understand what confidence really is when we're busy trying to build theirs?

Let's take a closer look...

Confidence stems from childhood. And it's much more crucial that confidence is built at a young age than at a later stage because it sets the foundation for how a person grows and what they grow to be.

We spoke to Vidya Ragu, psychologist, learning, and development specialist from Chennai, and she's shared (read below) some really cool pointers on the A-Z of building self-confidence in children - and not to forget, an uber-cool magic tool as well!

So first - let's debunk a rather popular myth...

Don't mistake your child's personality to a lack of self-confidence:

If your child doesn't like interacting with guests or shies away from them, it doesn't mean they are not confident.

If your child hesitates to go on stage to talk in front of a crowd, it doesn't mean they are not confident.

If your child isn't doing something that everyone else is doing, it doesn't mean they are not confident.

The reason is, we are all wired differently.

Our personalities are different and so are our inclinations.

These choices and behaviours come and go as phases in your child's life.

Your child who shies away from the stage today might walk onto the podium and deliver a speech by Abraham Lincoln with utmost determination tomorrow.

Confidence is directly linked to the self-esteem and self-image of your child.

Picture this -

When your child looks into the mirror, does he love and accept himself?

Let's simplify this further...

I CAN? Or I CAN'T?

Whenever your child is dealing with real-life situations, does he/she hear more I CANs or I CAN'Ts?

It's as simple as that!

As parents, we need to identify what direction our children are moving towards - the I CAN path or the I CAN'T path. By doing this and by pushing them onto the I CAN path, we are making them more 'able' to face life's many challenges.

Skills:

Every time your child improves his/her skills, and they (through feedback) that they've improved their skills, they become more confident.

Self-inquiry or Self-reflection:

When your child does a job really well, we appreciate them, but leave it at that.

Next time, try this - go one step further and ask them questions about how they did the job.

Ex: If your child coloured a mango, ask them about how they chose the colours or how they coloured within the border. This will make them self-reflect and gain a better understanding.

Make it challenging:

If your child is used to a particular pattern of completing tasks, UP the game a bit by adding a closer deadline or make the rules more challenging for them. (And you can use that extra time to spend time together!)

You can add incentives or change the approach altogether to make tasks more exciting for your child.

And don't forget the most important part - give genuine feedback!

If your child has done a good job, appreciate it. But if they haven't, then push them to make them reach their potential.

Unfortunately, there's no magic pill that you can embed to increase their confidence.

Simply put... confidence sparks from the environment.

Research proves that one of the most fundamental foundations of building a child's confidence is his/her 'parents'.

Set the right environment:

Children are constantly observing. What you speak to them and how you speak to them becomes their driving force as they grow up. So if you shout, scold, say more NO's, or reprimand them all the time... or even if you as a parent are constantly saying 'I CAN'T' to yourself and your child hears you, it impacts and influences their thinking.

So it's important to analyse what kind of environment you are setting.

Empower your child:

When your child is unable to do something, it's important that you not just address the fact that they can't do it, but also guide them on how they can do it. Empower your child by teaching them!

Move your child from the CAN'T Zone:

The good news is, you can reduce the can'ts while you interact with your child.

The bad news is, there are many others in the environment who are throwing Can'ts and 'NOs' at your child.

In fact, research shows that by the time a child turns 5, they hear much more NOs and CAN'Ts than any other word!

So how do you make them move from this negative zone?

Let's call an UBER! 🙂

U - US

Be conscious as a family of the environment you are setting for your child. What you say to your child, what you speak in front of them, the tone in which you speak, every little thing matters. You may notice a pattern that you are setting that is actually pulling down their confidence.

Discuss and write down these points as a family, so each of you knows where you're stepping out of line.

B - Build the desire in your child to know more, do more and learn more:

Learning is very important to sustain your child's confidence in the long run.

To build this desire, use conversations and confidence building activities!

And instead of pushing it to your child directly, you can instigate the fire in them.

Ex: when you're driving, you can tell your child, "Oh, I wish I could drive that truck", or "Oh, I wish I could cycle as powerfully as that girl there". By doing this yourself, you are inspiring your child to also learn and know more.

And hey, you can also make dinner table conversations exciting...

When you sit down to eat together, you can ask each other as a family, "So what did you learn today?" or "I learnt how to write my name backwards. What about you?" or you can share something that you learned from the maid!

These productive discussions build a desire for children to do more.

PRO TIP: You can also try to challenge your child with interesting and highly educational activities using activity boxes like Flintobox. The boxes are designed to engage children meaningfully and teach them a variety of concepts and skills over a period of time. For more info on Flintobox activities, click here >

E - Engage

Instead of just putting your child in a class, engage with them - talk to them, ask them about their skills, encourage them and appreciate them by giving your feedback.

Engaging your child will also help remove their fears and increase their confidence.

R - Rituals

Rituals can really help build healthy habits. And confidence-building becomes much easier when there are rituals.

Ex, since physiology plays a huge factor in a person's confidence, in the mornings, you can encourage your child with a healthy ritual such as - to go running or walking.

And as the name suggests, these are rituals and not a one-time thing. You need to actively and consistently plan these into their timetables every day.

Mind-maps:

You can also make use of mind-maps to understand how you as a family are growing or where you are going. Mind-maps are, more or less, representations of what we see. Some children may not enjoy talking or expressing as much as we do, and since mind-maps is all about drawing, you'll be able to see their raw feedback on the canvas.

real feedback, so be prepared 🙂 And whatever it may be, don't reprimand your child for it.

Play as a family:

Playing games together as a family will build your child's skills.

Ex, you can build your child's communication or expression by asking them to talk for 3-mins straight... Or you can improve their creativity by playing a story-building game.

And since it's all a game, children don't feel the fear of being judged or tested for something.

Conclusion

Fun Fact: The only antidote to build confidence is 'action'.

Which means, every time your child acts on something, he/she is becoming confident. So give your child more opportunities, challenges and support to build their skills, attitude, and knowledge. We're sure this will help raise your child's confidence level and take life head-on in a fun way!
So hope you enjoyed this article. Do drop a comment below and tell us what you as a family do to improve your child's confidence. You can also share a memory of what you did to gain confidence when you were young!
YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: 12 Good Habits Every Parent Must Teach Their Child

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This Is The Secret To Building Your Child's Confidence [Must-Read]

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What do you think is the #1 skill your child needs to Succeed in life? Is it being ambitious? Is it about scoring high marks? Or do you believe it's got something to do with Confidence? Think about it! We all want to raise confident, successful and happy kids, but do we understand what confidence...

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Parent Acts: How to get your child to apologize and really mean it - CNN

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College students are 40% less empathetic today than they were 30 years ago, according to a study. What can parents do to raise more empathetic children?

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We’re experiencing an empathy shortage, but we can fix it together

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“Being a psychologist studying empathy today is a little bit like being a climatologist studying the polar ice caps,” says psychology professor Jamil Zaki. That’s because according to research, our collective empathy is eroding. But there is good news: Empathy is a skill, it can be built, and he explains how he — and others — are doing just that.

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Throughout pregnancy, infancy, and even through the toddler years, I diligently read to prepare myself for the various ages and stages that were to come but those years were easy compared to now! As a parent of an 11 and 13 year old, my kids have transformed from children to young adults before my eyes. These days we're having conversations about the changes to your body that come with puberty and hormones, underage drinking, and healthy relationships.

Even though both of my kids insist there's no one they like, I would be naïve to think that I can wait until they bring home their first boyfriend or girlfriend to talk about what it means to be in a relationship. It's important for kids to know what a healthy vs unhealthy relationship looks like, how to know you're in love, and about consent even before there's a chance of having sex. At a time when hormones are raging, we want our kids to fall in love with people who respect and cherish them for who they are but it isn't ok to assume that they already know these things.

If thinking about those topics made you cringe or feel thankful that your kids are too young, they're growing up fast. This conversation might happen when you least expect it so it's important to think about these topics now so you're ready to tackle them at a moment's notice. It's not always easy to have relationship conversations without alienating your kids or losing their trust but here's how to talk about healthy relationships with tweens and teens and gain their confidence so they will listen.

How to Talk About Healthy Relationships with Tweens and Teens

Be Available

Even though it may seem that our independent tweens and teens don't need us anymore, they do. In fact, according to the New York Times (NYT), teenagers wish their parents were around more often. What Do Teenagers Want? Potted Plant Parents provides some great strategies for parents to connect with their adolescents by just being present. The NYT says it's important to be around but blend into the background because, "quality parenting of a teenager may sometimes take the form of blending into the background like a potted plant." According to the NYT, being available without advancing an agenda may not make the best family time but "sharing the same space sets the stage for the possibility of actively interacting" with our tweens and teens.

Be Quiet and Listen

One of the best ways to start a conversation is to listen and use what my kids are telling me about others. In her first year of middle school, Emily came home from a field trip to Baltimore that involved getting lunch at the Inner Harbor. Over 200 6 th graders were turned loose with money and instructions of when and where to meet the bus and while many bought lunch and visited the stores lining the water, one pair of students coupled off and had some very public forms of PDA in front of their classmates.

"Mom," Emily said in an exasperated teenage way, "it was gross.""What was gross?" I asked."All of it," she replied. "The holding hands and kissing in public. And you know they're dating, right?""What does dating mean in 6th grade?" I wondered aloud, asking a very deliberate open ended question in a casual sort of way."I don't know," she said very matter of factly. "Maybe they hang out and go to the movies. Some kids kiss in the halls."

What started out as a summary of the day's field trip resulted in me getting my daughter's perspective of what dating and relationships look like in 6 th grade. The key is trying to keep it casual and listening as much as possible but being strategic about your role the conversation. It's always good to try to ask open ended questions that will prompt your tween or teen to reveal more than they usually would with a yes or no answer.

Seize Teachable Moments

When you listen, opportunities for teachable moments come from the things your kids are saying but also from the environment around you. My friend, Lisa, taught her son about AIDS when he was 6 because a story about it came on NPR as they were driving in the car.

I've had my own share of teachable moments like talking to 9 year old Emily about underage drinking at a baseball game but earlier this year, I went from asking Thomas how his first day of family life was to a conversation about rape in less than an hour.
How does one go from hormones and puberty to discussing rape?
It's not hard when you happen to be getting haircut after school and happen to leave just as the news is talking about a student being raped by other students at a local high school. I knew that Thomas had heard the news story so decided to use it as a springboard for a conversation. I started simply, asking if he had heard the news story, knew what sex was, and if he knew what rape was. His answers were yes-no-no. He had heard the story but didn't know what sex or rape were. I gave him a quick lesson on sex and in a very matter of fact way, I told him rape is forcing someone to have sex without their consent.

In addition to the teachable moments that come from current events, they also come from real life moments like your child commenting on a friend, personal experiences of love and heartbreak, and all the other life experiences that

Use Current Movies to Spark Conversations

While it might be rare to go to the movies with your teen, it's important to keep up with what they're watching in the theaters. Common Sense Media provides parents with unbiased movie reviews that provide a great summary of the movie's plot along with their suggestion for a minimum viewing age based on developmental appropriateness, what you need to know at a glance, and a section called "Families Can Talk About" that features three questions that will get kids talking.

Once recent movie that Emily I saw was Everything, Everything. Not only was it a fabulous example of a healthy loving relationship between two tweens that we hope our own kids will have some day but it helped continue the conversation about consent and sex.

Conversations we're having with our kids about healthy relationships aren't one and dones. We can't talk about the topics once and check that off the list. As our kids grow up from having crushes to first loves, heartbreaks, and beyond, the conversation changes and it's important that we circle back and tie in messages from the things they're interested in to make the lessons more relevant.

Find Resources for Your Family

The ultimate goal is to focus on how to help your kids develop healthy relationships and because we shouldn't be doing all the talking about these topics (we know our tweens and teens tune out and stop listening to us!), it's important to find trusted resources with materials kids will pay attention to. This helps reinforce the positive messages you want them to learn about healthy relationships.

For example, if your adolescent saw Everything, Everything in the theater, you can use it to start a conversation with Maddy and Olly as examples of a healthy relationship and then direct your teen to Amaze.org's resources on healthy relationships and these 4 videos that correspond to themes in the movie.
Healthy vs Unhealthy Relationships Consent When Will I Be Ready? When Should I Have Sex?

Even though many of the videos are animated, the content isn't for younger kids. They're done in a way that tweens and teens can relate to thanks to important information presented in a smart way.

Another great resource are fellow parents. In real life friends, friends you keep in touch with via Facebook, and other parenting bloggers can be great sources of support when you talk about healthy relationships with tweens and teens.

To read advice from other parents who have written about talking to kids about consent, sex, and healthy relationships, visit these posts:

About Amaze.org

AMAZE.org produces engaging sex education videos for 10-14 year olds that cover the "mechanics" (e.g., puberty) and also more complex topics (relationships, gender identity, consent, etc.) to help adolescents realize sexuality is a natural, healthy part of being human. Since AMAZE is all about more info, less weird, their goal is to empower parents to be the primary sexuality educators of their kids through videos that inform and spark a conversation. This incredible resource for families is a collaboration between 3 expert organizations in the field of sex education: Advocates for Youth, Answer, and Youth Tech Health and helps us figure out how to talk about healthy relationships with tweens and teens without alienating them or losing our their trust.

For more information, visit the AMAZE.org website and like the @AMAZEparents Facebook page that features video shares as well as fantastic curated content related to sex ed, health, etc. You can also follow AMAZE.org on Twitter, YouTube, and Snapchat and using the hashtag #MoreInfoLessWeird.

This post was produced with support from AMAZE.org but all opinions are my own.

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How to Talk About Healthy Relationships with Tweens and Teens

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Throughout pregnancy, infancy, and even through the toddler years, I diligently read to prepare myself for the various ages and stages that were to come but those years were easy compared to now! As a parent of an 11 and 13 year old, my kids have transformed from children to young adults before my eyes.

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We Are All Different - and THAT'S AWESOME! | Cole Blakeway | TEDxWestVancouverED

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Supper was not going well for 2-year-old Benjamin. As his frustrations escalated to the brink of a full-on tantrum, his 4-year-old sister, Ellie, assessed the scene. "He's angry," she told her mother, Susan Rivers, of Newton, Massachusetts. "What can we do to make him happy?" With her mom's help, Ellie brainstormed a few options: They could offer Benjamin a cookie, or maybe playing with Legos would bring him out of his spiral. "She was really trying to understand his feelings and figure out what strategies she could use to reduce his frustration and cheer him up," Rivers says.

Ellie's concern for her brother is touching, to be sure. But it could also be the key to her having a more joyful life. Empathy-the ability to understand and be sensitive to other people's feelings-helps us to be more deeply attached to our family, friends, and even strangers. "Empathy is probably the greatest single gift of our species," says Bruce D. Perry, M.D., Ph.D., a senior fellow at the Child Trauma Academy in Houston, and the coauthor of Born for Love: Why Empathy Is Essential-and Endangered. "We wouldn't have been able to survive without creating relationships and groups that could function together."

Putting yourself in someone else's shoes is also a crucial building block for other caring emotions. "It's how we develop gratitude, hope, and compassion, which is the ability to act on your empathy," explains Christine Carter, Ph.D., a sociologist and happiness expert at the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. One study there found that kids as young as 18 months could master a key component of empathy: the ability to tune in to people's emotions. By age 4, they move beyond making physical caring gestures and start to think about others' feelings in relation to their own. Many of these responses happen naturally, but you can make a more conscious effort to promote empathy-boosting experiences for your children. Consider these 13 things you can do to raise a truly caring child.

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13 Ways to Raise a Child Who Cares About Others Online and Off

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Supper was not going well for 2-year-old Benjamin. As his frustrations escalated to the brink of a full-on tantrum, his 4-year-old sister, Ellie, assessed the scene. "He's angry," she told her mother, Susan Rivers, of Newton, Massachusetts. "What can we do to make him happy?"

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You, Me and Empathy by Jayneen Sanders | Read Aloud by ReadAloudStorybooks

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KINDNESS Is My SUPERPOWER ❤️ Empathy and Compassion SEL follow along reading book | Fun Stories Play

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I AM HUMAN A Book of Empathy Read Aloud For KIDS!

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Last week, my son Aaron made the school soccer team. Boy, was I proud. And I couldn't stop saying so. "Good job, buddy! You're the best!" I beamed, he beamed, and all seemed right with the world.

It's not the first time my kids have heard me shout their praises. I'm the resident cheering section, their biggest fan, a back-patter extraordinaire. These days, you can find me handing out compliments as if they're sticks of gum-when my kids practise guitar, score a goal, help with dishes. The mom logic goes like this: The kid does good (or good enough for me), so I make him feel great about himself. It's called boosting self-esteem. Or so I thought. Here are some things you may not have considered about building self-esteem in children.

1. Step back

As it turns out, there are better ways to build self-esteem than heaping on praise for everything kids do-starting with helping them become competent in the world, says Jim Taylor, author of the book Your Kids Are Listening: Nine Messages They Need to Hear from You. To do so, though, you have to learn to step back and let your child take risks, make choices, solve problems and stick with what they start.

2. Over-praising kids does more harm than good

Self-esteem comes from feeling loved and secure, and from developing competence, Taylor says, and although parents often shower their kids with the first two ingredients, competence-becoming good at things-takes time and effort. "As much as we may want to, we can't praise our kids into competence," he says.

In fact, by over-praising kids, we're doing more harm than good. "We're lowering the bar for them," Taylor says. "If you keep telling your child she is already doing a fantastic job, you're saying she no longer needs to push herself. But confidence comes from doing, from trying and failing and trying again-from practise."

Samantha MacLeod, who has four boys, ages one to nine, believes constant complimenting can actually erode self-esteem. Either kids start thinking they're perfect or they try to be perfect all the time-an impossible standard. And inaccurate praise confuses them, she says. "If my son can't spell and I tell him he's doing terrific, he learns not to trust his own instincts. He also learns that praise is just flat-out lying."

Plus, Taylor adds, telling your child he's the best, the smartest or the most talented is setting him up for some very bad news down the road. You're creating an egomaniac who thinks his scribbles are Rothkos but, sooner or later, he'll discover he's not all that after all.

3. Let your child take healthy risks

Start by forcing yourself to stand back while your child takes healthy risks, says Victoria Sopik, CEO of Kids & Company, a corporate childcare service in Toronto, and a mother of eight. "To build confidence in the world, kids have to take chances, make choices and take responsibility for them," Sopik says. She sees too many parents trying to rescue their kids from failure all the time.

Sopik remembers staring from across the room as her two-year-old son, Fraser, lifted a huge jug of orange pop at a fancy party. "He was about to pour it into a glass, and I just stood there, holding my breath," Sopik recalls. Rather than trying to save her son before he had a chance to try, Sopik watched as Fraser spilled the pop all over the floor.

Then came the best part: Fraser found a waitress, asked for a paper towel and cleaned up his own mess. "He solved his own problem-just like we do as successful adults," Sopik says.

4. Let kids make their own choices

When kids make their own age-appropriate choices, they feel more powerful, says Sopik, pointing out that kids as young as two can start considering the consequences of their decisions. Sopik always let her kids decide on their own whether to wear a coat, hat and mittens in winter. "Once they knew the difference between warm and cold, it was up to them. They should have control over their bodies and take responsibility for their choices," she says.

5. Let them help around the house

In building self-esteem, kids also need opportunities to demonstrate their competence and feel that their contribution is valuable, says Taylor. At home, that means asking them, even when they're toddlers, to help with cooking, setting the table and making beds.

6. Encourage them to pursue their interests (fully)

Another surefire way to boost confidence in kids is to encourage them to take on tasks they show interest in, then make sure they follow through to completion. It doesn't matter what the task-it could be anything from swimming laps to beating levels in video games. The point is for them to stick with what they start, so they feel that hit of accomplishment at the end.

7. What to do when children struggle or fail

What if your child's self-esteem plummets when she gets cut from the gymnastics team or can't memorize multiplication tables?

8. Don't lose sleep over it

"So many parents have it backward," Taylor says. "They think struggles and failure will hurt their kids' self-esteem, but it's actually a golden opportunity to help build it."

9. Make clear that your love is unconditional

Let your child know you love her even when she fails or makes bad decisions. If all you talk about is performance, Sopik points out, she will think you only love her for her report card or the lead she got in the play.

10. Make sure your child's goals are within reach, at a level appropriate for his ability

That may mean suggesting he join house league, where he can feel like a star rather than being the last one picked on the AA team. MacLeod learned this lesson when her son, Alex, was in grade two. Feeling like a failure at reading, Alex was ready to give up when MacLeod brought home some Magic Tree House books, which were slightly below Alex's level. "He read one every two days and was so proud of himself that he went on to read the Goosebumps series, no problem," she recalls. Afterward, mother and son talked about how Alex's choice to practise paid off, and she praised his perseverance.

11. Offer appropriate praise

Although praise is often misused, when it's specific and earned, it is a valuable self-esteem builder, Taylor says.

Lorna Crosse, a former music teacher, remembers asking her choir students to keep a "brag file" full of praise they earned. Any time they saw their names in a program or newspaper article or received a complimentary note, they were to put it inside. "When the kids had a bad day, they would take out those words of praise and read all the neat things they had done, and it would make them feel better about themselves."

The brag file works because it shows kids specific ways they're special and teaches them that practise reaps rewards, Taylor says. And it's the practise-the effort-that should be the focus of praise, Sopik says. "Don't just say 'great play'. Tell him it was awesome how he passed the ball to his teammate."

And keep in mind that a little indirect praise, such as stars on a chore chart, can work wonders. Mom Nancy Botelho gets even more inventive. She makes sure her kids "overhear" a little boasting. "I'll tell my friends how the teacher said Margaret is so kind, or how I saw Bridget working so hard at tying her shoes. The kids just shine. Since they were spying, they know I mean it and I'm not just trying to make them feel good."

Your self-esteem checklist

Here are some of the things that the Canadian Mental Health Association says you can do to help raise confident-not coddled-kids:

Feel special. It's imporant for you to help your children discover their own unique talents and qualities, and to value their own strengths. But also teach them that feeling special doesn't mean feeling better than others.

Set goals. Teach your kids to work towards a goal and to have pride in their accomplishments. Provide them with opportunities for success.

Try, try again. Encourage your children to try things their own way, face challenges and take risks.
This article was originally published in July 2013.

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11 tips on building self-esteem in children

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Last week, my son Aaron made the school soccer team. Boy, was I proud. And I couldn't stop saying so. "Good job, buddy! You're the best!" I beamed, he beamed, and all seemed right with the world. It's not the first time my kids have heard me shout their praises.

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25 Things You Can Do Right Now To Build a Child's Confidence

THIS ARTICLE INCLUDES A FREE PRINTABLE

"Self-confidence is the foundation of all great success and achievement."

Confidence is vitally important to a child's future happiness, health, and success. Confident children are better equipped to deal with peer pressure, responsibility, frustrations, challenges, and both positive and negative emotions.

And what is the KEY factor in developing a child's confidence?

YOU! The child's parents and teachers.

No pressure, right? Don't worry - building a child's confidence doesn't have to be an intimidating or complicated task.

In fact, you can make it fun!

Use these 25 research-based, effective strategies to start boosting the confidence of your children or students today.

Before you move on, be sure to sign up for our FREE weekly printables carefully crafted to teach your kids growth mindset, resilience, and much more. Sign up below to make sure you're on the list!

Once signed up, you will immediately receive our popular Parent's Guide to a Growth Mindset.

1. Ensure they know your love is unconditional.

The way we see our kids (or the way our kids believe we see them) has a profound impact on the way they see themselves.

Make it clear to your children (or to your students) that you love and care for them even when they make mistakes or poor decisions, and avoid harshly criticizing or shaming them.

2. Practice positive self-talk with them.

Both children and adults often engage in negative and damaging chatter with themselves: "I can't do this," or, "I'm terrible at __________," or, "What is wrong with me?"

Model and teach children positive affirmations. Use the "25 Growth Mindset Statements And Affirmations"(available in the Growth Mindset Printables Kit)for the list of great examples.

3. Address them by their name.

Addressing children by name is a powerful and simple way to send the message that they're important, especially when paired with friendly eye contact.

4. Give them age-appropriate "special tasks" to help you out.

In addition to chores and classroom jobs, give children "special tasks" to help them feel useful, responsible, and competent. Using the word "special" gives children an even bigger confidence boost.

In the home, these special tasks can include helping with a pet or younger sibling as needed, being your cooking "assistant," or, for a very young child, simply dressing himself.

In the classroom, kids can help make classroom decorations, water plants, erase the board, etc.

5. Join their play (and let them lead).

Joining in a child's play sends the message that he is important and worthy of your time.

During playtime, parents can allow children to initiate or choose the activity, as well as lead it. When parents engage in and appear to enjoy a child-led activity, the child feels valuable and accomplished.

Teachers of young children can implement this strategy in the classroom as well.

To get the Let's Chat Discovery game printable along with other hands-on activities and movement games, you can view our Growth Mindset Activities Kit.

This kit is perfect for home, a classroom, an activity studio, or a day camp. Use it when you or your kids need a special growth mindset boost!

6. Focus on improving your own confidence.

This isn't a step you can accomplish overnight, but it's one of the most essential on this list.

Parents are a child's first and best role models, so take time to repair your own confidence if needed. Start by making positive comments about yourself and others in your child's presence.

Teachers, too, should avoid self-criticism and model confidence in front of their students.

7. Ask them for their advice or opinion.

Ask children for their advice or opinions on age-appropriate situations to show that you value them and their ideas.

This also helps children build confidence by demonstrating that even adults need help sometimes, and it's okay to ask for it.

8. Make special time together.

Love and acceptance are key components of confidence and self-worth, so parents should spend quality time with their children to demonstrate that they are valuable.

Take him on outings, eat dinner together, play games, go outside, or do any other activity that allows you and your child to enjoy time together.

Teachers can help children feel loved and accepted by getting to know students' interests or hobbies and making a point of having personalized conversations with each child, like, "How was your soccer game yesterday, Sarah?" or, "I think you might like this book about dinosaurs, Timmy."

9. Teach them how to set and achieve goals.

Setting and achieving challenging, realistic goals can help children feel more capable. Help your children or students set and stick to specific goals by following the simple steps in our Goal-Setting Printables (available in the Self-Esteem and Confidence Kit).

10. Set aside time when you give them undivided attention.

Parents, your child recognizes when your mind is on something else or when you're not giving him your undivided attention.

To help your child feel valued and confident, set aside time to put away the electronics, put thoughts of work or other distractions out of your mind, and truly focus your attention on your child.

Teachers, too, can take the time to give students their full attention and be attentive to their needs.

11. Encourage them to try a theater class.

Theater classes are a great way to boost confidence. Trying something new helps children feel capable, and theater teaches them to speak confidently in front of others and expand their comfort zone.

Parents and teachers alike can encourage kids to try out a theater, and teachers may even be able to incorporate roleplaying or drama games into the classroom.

12. Praise them the right way.

Simply showering children with isn't effective, but praising kids the right way can certainly build their self-esteem.

Give children genuine, specific praise that focuses more on effort than on results (like getting straight A's) or on fixed abilities (like intelligence).

Refrain from generalized praises like "good job!" Instead, use the words and example in our printable "The Ultimate Guide to Praising your kids" available in the Growth Mindset Printables Kit.

13. Let them overhear you speaking positively about them to others.

Another quick, easy way to boost a child's confidence is to "accidentally" let him hear you praising his great achievements and efforts to others.

Children are sometimes skeptical when we directly praise them, but hearing you repeat this praise to others makes it more believable (and even more meaningful).

14. Resist comparing them to others.

Avoid comparing children to siblings or classmates with questions like, "Why can't you behave like him/her?" or, "Look how well your sister does in school! Why can't you do that?"

These comparisons cause children to doubt themselves, believe that they can't please you or meet your expectations, and ultimately lose confidence.

15. Give age-appropriate tasks around the house or classroom.

When kids do chores or small jobs, they feel that they are making a valuable contribution, which gives them a sense of competence and confidence.

Give your child age-appropriate responsibilities like making the bed, feeding the dog, setting the table, folding clothes, picking up toys, etc.

Assign your students tasks like putting away supplies or passing out papers.

16. Cultivate their sense of belonging by hanging their portraits or artwork around the home or classroom.

Yes, even something as simple as hanging family portraits around your home can increase your child's confidence!

In the classroom, too, you can post pictures of your students. You can also have them create self-portraits, design flags or puzzle pieces that represent their personalities and interests, etc. and hang these around the classroom.

This gives children a sense of belonging, acceptance, and love that will ultimately help their confidence soar.

17. Let them make age-appropriate choices.

Like chores and special tasks, choices help children feel competent and powerful.

Allow children to make age-appropriate decisionslike what to wear, what to eat for breakfast, what game to play or color to use, where to go on an outing, etc.

Teachers can build choice into the classroom by letting students make decisions about how they will demonstrate mastery of a skill (show what they know about weather by drawing a picture, writing a song, or creating a story) or letting the class discuss and choose certain books or activities.

18. Encourage them to try new things to develop new skills.

Children who lack confidence often shy away from trying new things or tackling new challenges.

Encourage the children in your life to branch out, try new activities, and develop new skills. This gives kids the confidence that they can tackle anything that comes their way.

19. Help them discover their interests and passions.

It's also important for kids to discover their interests and passions. When children find what they like and excel at, they gain confidence in themselves and their abilities.

Create opportunities for your children or students to try activities that interest them, and be supportive of these endeavors.

20. Help them overcome the fear of failure.

The fear of failure often prevents children from trying their best and reaching their fullest potential, which can naturally diminish confidence.

Help kids overcome the fear of failure by teaching them that mistakes are a perfectly acceptable part of life and that people rarely achieve success without challenges and setbacks.

Use our printable "Famous Failures Kit" to talk with children about successful people who persevered through failures and obstacles on their way to success. This kit also encourages children research how people who THEY look up to failed and persevered.

When you criticize or overlook a child's feelings, he may feel that his emotions don't matter and conclude that this means he doesn't matter either.

Encourage children to express both positive and negative emotions, and help them talk through these emotions in a healthy manner.

22. Make sure they know you're upset with their choices, not with who they are.

Getting upset with your children or students sometimes is inevitable, and you will need to offer constructive criticism and consequences.

However, make it clear that it's the child's choices or actions that you're upset with, not who the child is as a person. Direct all criticism at these actions instead of criticizing the child with statements like, "You're so lazy!" or, "Why are you so sloppy?"

23. Surround them with positive, confident people (including their friends).

The more a child is around positive, confident individuals, the likelier he is to become a confident and positive individual himself.

Parents, give your child strong adult role models and do your best to ensure that his friends are confident people who uplift and encourage your child rather than tearing him down.

Teachers, be a positive and confident role model for your students and teach your students to be kind and build one another up.

24. Create a Wall of Fame to recognize their achievements.

In the home or in the classroom, you can demonstrate your pride and appreciation for kids' achievements by creating a " Wall of Fame" that showcases achievements like good grades, art projects, trophies or certificates, pictures of the child participating in sports or other favorite activities, and more.

A Wall of Fame can highlight a child's effort and determination, giving him a confidence boost that can be especially helpful in times of self-doubt.

25. Shower them with hugs!

Physical affection communicates love, acceptance, and belonging, making children happy and confident.

Parents and teachers of younger children can give kids high fives, back pats, hair tousles, and lots of hugs to show that they are cared for and valued.

Recap

Confidence shapes a child's life tremendously, and it's one of the most important gifts parents and teachers can give to their children.

If you're unsure where to start, pick a few strategies from this list to try implementing this week. Once you've mastered those, try a few more. (You probably found a few strategies on this list that you're already using in your home or classroom too!)

Give kids opportunities to feel capable and competent, and demonstrate through words and actions that they are loved and valued.

With your support, the children in your care will grow into confident individuals who are happy, successful, and thriving.

Looking for additional resources to help bolster confidence in your child? Check out ourSelf-Esteem & Confidence Kit. This PDF kit contains printable worksheets and activities for kids as well as helpful guides for parents and teachers.

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25 Things You Can Do Right Now To Build a Child's Confidence

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Confidence is vitally important to a child's future happiness, health, and success. Confident children are better equipped to deal with peer pressure, responsibility, frustrations, challenges, and both positive and negative emotions. And what is the key factor in developing a child's confidence? YOU! The child's parents and teachers. No pressure, right?

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Social and emotional learning (SEL) is a methodology that helps students, families and people of all ages to better comprehend their emotions, to feel those emotions fully, and demonstrate empathy for others. Social and emotional learning (SEL) provides a foundation for safe and positive learning, and enhances students' ability to succeed in school, careers, and life. We've created a library that is age appropriate for PK- 8 learners as well as provided adult resources that are very helpful.  It is our hope that you browse this new padlet and take away a wealth of information that will positively impact your family. Enjoy!

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Pioneer Reading Program - "Junkyard Wonders," by Patricia Polacco

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Children's story time- The crown on your head by Nancy Tillman read aloud

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Amazing Grace by Mary Hoffman | Children's Read Aloud Story