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Hey there, I'm Caitlyn Ciel T. Sapioc.  Welcome! This is  my Autobiography. You can use any pronouns on me. Basically a book about someone who has a very chaotic and very boring life at the same time. Hope you enjoy my “book”.

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On January 7th 2009 a baby girl was born somewhere in the Philippines. Little did she know what life she had ahead of her. Youngest and last child of Corazon and El Sapioc. Sometimes wondering what would happen if she never was born.

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Ah toddlers, suddenly they can talk, suddenly they can walk. Though admittedly accidentally hitting their heads on a couple table tops, based on a true story of course. Life as a toddler was particularly boring. The earliest memory I have was when I was 5 and me and my brother were chasing each other around our dinner table. Funny how I was faster but he was 6 years older than me.

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I will always remember the first day I had here because it was the first time I had met people my age because I didn't usually go out of my house as a kid. Ever since the day I walked through the doors of my new classroom I feel like I was taller and more mature than all of them. A few years later I found out why, it's because I was enrolled a year later than all of them, because well I was quite ignorant as a child. It’s funny how in all the time I was there I was always Top 1, the lead performer and the valedictorian. I guess getting enrolled late isn’t that bad.

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The year before I graduated Casa my parents decided that everything in our lives will change. Sadly we had to move out of my childhood home. Our lives all changed in the year 2016. Everything moved so fast, we got straight into moving into our new house. As soon as I knew it, I was walking through the doors of Statefields School Inc. I knew nobody. All I knew was my brother was moving there as well but he was going into grade 8 whilst I started grade school. I was and still am the oldest in my batch, though I made some good friends, some at least. I made a good friend, actually one of my best. Little did I know I would never stop talking to them, even after almost 6 years.

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Next up is 4D Chaos. Need I say more? They are the best and worst people at the same time. We were the most chaotic bunch of people you will ever meet in your life. Ms. Elisa is still the best Advisor I will ever have, though my past advisors were great. Ms. Elisa is just unforgettable. None of the memories I made with them will be forgotten. Though I was still older than all of them, I felt like I was at peace whenever I was with them, yet never had a boring moment with them. I would be nowhere right now if I didn’t know anyone in 4D. If I had to pick the most fun school year I have ever had. It will always be 4D Chaos.

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I feel like I was accidentally brought upon by my family because they never planned for me. Well atleast I think so. I mean they already had the picture perfect family without me. A beautiful eldest daughter and the brightest son they could ask for. These are the moments where I think I shouldn’t be here. I mean I'm the youngest cousin out of all my family. The smallest age gap I have among them is 5 years.  It’s just questionable why they would have me. I mean yeah sure, I fit among them. But I always question the “Whys” in my life. This is the biggest one of them all.

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At this point Covid had successfully ruined everything and everyone’s life. So school had to go on Zoom Meetings or in Google Meet. It’s horrifying how a single virus could stop everything just like that. Covid is still a thing right now, after almost 2 years. How messed up is that. It's funny how little or how big something can get because some people are too ignorant to think it’s real even when there are already scientific facts and proofs. I have no idea when we will finally live freely once again.

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On January 7th 2022, I Caitlyn Ciel turned 13 Years old. You could also say I turned 4,745 Days, maybe you could say 6,832,800 minutes, maybe even 409,968,000 seconds. Somewhere along those lines. In all 13 years of my life, I feel like I haven’t had a worse birthday than this one. First of all I couldn’t do anything because I was sick with the flu. I couldn’t even be in my own bed because my parents had to monitor me. I couldn’t go nowhere. I couldn’t stay up till 12. I couldn’t do anything that reflects a birthday. Because of Covid. To be honest I was just under the influence that after everything I had been through the past year I just thought I deserved a decent birthday. Apparently not.

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These are some of the most significant and unforgettable moments of my life. None of them are events you would normally see as “happy” but that’s because for me. The lowest moments of my life are the ones I could not forget because well, moments like these will always leave a scar.

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2020. Easily the worst year of my life. Nothing good came from 2020 other than the first 3 months. Those 3 months were better than the whole year combined. I mean where do we even start? Covid? Quarantine? Cancellation of everything? Freedom gone? It affected everyone and everything in its way. It felt like a decade of events squished into one long year. So many opportunities were taken away from so many people. So many jobs got taken away from people who need it. The whole economy went down. It was such a tiring year. I just know that this will be one of the most significant events in  all my life.

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Losing Myself was one of the most difficult things I have been through alone. I couldn’t talk to anyone. More so I couldn’t let myself talk to anyone about it. It was hard for me to even pretend and to put a smile one my face some days. It was hard to get up and be productive most of the time. I mostly just got out of my room to eat or drink. I was isolating myself from things other than my phone and school. There were some good days, yes but they were rarely there. I had random bursts of anger, sadness and mood swings an 11-12 year old shouldn’t have to go through. Never have I had a lower point in life than this. To be completely honest it’s still here sometimes. I feel like I'm nobody and everyone at the same time. Like you're underwhelmed while you're also overwhelmed about everything and everyone. I know it doesn’t make sense but that’s what it felt like.

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After those recent events I found myself in a place I never thought I’d be. Alone in the dark. But there can’t be darkness without light. Some people, my favourite people in the world, helped pull me out of it. People I love the most  helped me find my way not to the light but the way to it. They helped me understand that it’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to not be accomplished. It’s okay not to be okay. Though this might sound cliche it’s all true. Though I'm still not in the light. I am in a neutral place. Somewhere where I can find my light. My purpose.

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To be completely honest I have no idea what’s in store for my future. I have no path in life. Nothing that dictates what will happen because I don’t want to lock myself down to one thing I decide as a child. I have no idea what will happen next and it excites me. It thrills me that I can be everything I want to be, may that change or may it not. Having no control for my future makes me feel that I am in control of what happens now, because you have no idea what happens next. May I be at the top of my life or the bottom. I don’t care anymore. Yes, I have expectations for myself like I want to have good grades and live by myself. Experiences I want to experience but none of them locks me down to not be me. That’s one of the highest  points of life for me. Not being able to know.