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Finding it hard to stay motivated and keep thing organized. All the things that make me happy seem backwards and messy. Between eating, reading, TV and music my days flow back and forth. My creativity is peaking and need to get my head on straight.

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These are the books i've been reading lately, and wow they all make me so happy! Long Way Down is good for anyone, Educating Esme is a funny diary of a first year teacher, and the Rise of Kyoshi is amazing for all my Avatar nerds out there.

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During my time, I feel as though my wings have been clipped a bit because my "mate" and I are distanced by an ocean (or the blueberries). The rice is my responsibilities being boxed in a bit, but still existent. I've also added a game card because I've been doing a lot of that!

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These past weeks have been nothing short of strange for me. The days begin to blend together, and I suddenly can't recall the last time anything felt normal. I've been spending my days trying to engage in creative activities (playing my uke, drawing, writing) but my brain is constantly distracted from other things going on at home. Part of me is relishing in the break from chaos that I seemed to be in constantly before all this, but another part of me misses is it, as it was a reason to keep going and to stay focused and motivated. I'm out of focus from my responsibilities and the estranged parts of my mind keep creeping up with nothing left to keep it down. I'm trying, but I can't will myself to try harder.

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In the midst of all of these changes, it feels like our world is surrounded by question marks. When I think back to the self-portrait, I remember how easy it was to find things that represented my literacy. This is harder because there are so few constants. All the little things that made up my life— the cup of Dazbog coffee I’d pick up on the way to class, the badge I’d use to get into work, the  parking receipts that would collect in my coat pockets— those aren’t really a thing any more. Now the items that make up my day are fewer. My car keys represent small trips to the store and back home again. The pen is something I grab when I go to do school work. These constants are kind of the new normal, and they’re surrounded by question marks.

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I have days where I feel defeated. I won't see my students again this semester, other than those brief snippets of video time with them. I feel defeated in my coaching of three totally cool student teachers I'm working with as we talk online...I literally won't see them in action with kids in a classroom again so as to guide them in their practical decisions and experiences. I feel defeated.
Then...I step outside and I see the flowers, the grass, the hope. Even in the midst of wearing this dumb makeshift bandana mask, I see hope blooming all over the yard. I can't wait to get more flowers in my pots, and plant more veggies in the garden. Amongst the defeat is hope, so it brings me back each day to the blessings of a beautiful husband who is healthy and awesome <3 2 beautiful daughters who are healthy and even though far away from us, checking in each day, and beautiful students who create lessons like this one! Thank you, Leah! Love this!

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I have not been felling creative so this is what I came up with since I have been trying to be active and have fun as much as possible. This semester felt like it was going in all the right directions, I felt complete and I felt like everything was going to be perfect. Unfortunately that was not the case I had some hiccups and Ive been loosing motivation. I got to keep reminding myself to just continue to stay positive and continue to  practice what I'm here for. I am forcing myself to keep up with school and assignment, to keep moving and being physically active, to socially support my friends and family members. I feel like the bean bag who missed the target, but Ill keep trying over and over until Its over! P.S: Remember to stay active and Yes I love corn hole!

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I collected some items that represent the activities I've been doing since quarantine. I have my running shoes which I've been trying to go every other day. I did some detail cleaning and found my old harmonica which I've been trying to pick up but also reluctant to practice because I don't want to upset the neighbors! My kindle for readings; an xbox controller for videogames; measuring spoon for baking; and a D20 dice for the pathfinder campaign we've been doing via google hangouts. This came out more like a collage but it is a fun distraction for reflection!

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For this assignment I decided to gather all of my "busy work" that I've been using to keep myself productive and sane. Much like everyone else, I have been asked the question "How are you doing with all of this?" So far, my answer is always "I'm doing ok, just trying to keep myself busy!" I took up knitting again, and I've been slowly rewatching the extended, director's cut super nerd version of The Lord of the Rings. I've started reading the slowest novels I own, trying to get new ideas out of them. I've been playing video games more than I ever have in my whole life. And cooking. So much cooking. Week 1, this was all still "ok". But now, approaching week 3 1/2 of being inside with my grandparents,  worrying about their health and trying to manage the house, my school and my job, and still giving out the answer "I'm just trying to stay busy" has become a cover for "I'm really not doing so well right now."

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These Lego pieces represent my school life right now. I feel like I am having to rebuild my motivation to do school work. I have had online classes before but, have never had to do fully online classes and it it becoming inherently clear that it is a lot harder than I expected it to be. One of my classes completely got rid of hard due dates, which is just asking for trouble. It has been difficult hopping on the computer and stare at it for hours at a time just to get two classes with of work done for the week. I know that I will survive this semester but, it is definitely a building curve.

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These are the pieces that I gathered. The lady finger cactus and the way that it is growing in different directions represents how I am being pulled in all different directions myself, currently. Between coursework, taking care of my baby, maintaining a healthy marriage, worrying about my husband going out into the world, and worrying about all of our family back in New York, I am on overload. The rest of the items represent how I am coping with all of this. The Sophie giraffe represents Olivia, my daughter who you all met last week. Focusing on taking care of her each day takes my mind off of all of the craziness. I'd be very lonely and bored without her. The mala necklace is a piece that I made during my yoga teacher training. When I have the alone time, I try to meditate and join in on Zoom yoga classes with my teacher. Focusing on breathing and feeling the sensations of my body help to relieve stress and tension. And lastly, the sneaker represents the daily walk with my neighbor (with distance of course). We walk 3-4 miles a day with the stroller. Meeting with her everyday and having some interaction is keeping me sane. Moving my body each day after doing work on the computer and staying at home helps me feel mentally and physically better.

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I put moment in quotations for a reason. Even though most of these items I use everyday and will until I reach heaven, they signify a perseverance through pain yet a faith that believes and knows there is healing to take place.. AND that in time, the pen is mightier than the sword! Highlighters and pens.. even the CBD salve and Turmeric. This is just a moment in time that we just have to execute patience in just as we will have students some day that will test that patience!

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These pieces are what I believe best represent how I feel during this time. The watch and notebook represent having little time and much to do. I thought I would have more time and get more done with online classes, but the change has created other difficulties not expected. I find that I am actually getting less done. The question mark represents this weird phenomenon. School is harder in some ways and easier in others. I think I also find myself more distracted during this time as it is hard to work at home for me. The tuner represents the necessity of me needing to "re-tune" my life in order to work efficiently and finish this semester strong.

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This is my go at your homework assignment!
I guess if I were to break it down (mind you- it’s posting sideways), the book It’s Kind of a Funny Story is a book about a guy battling mental illness essentially. It felt like the right book to choose, as being quarantine is weighing heavily on that side of myself, which I’m sure lots of people in this class can relate to! As for the space postcard, that is representative of me being a space cadet the past few weeks. It almost feels like a new planet these days, so I’ve been finding myself spaced out a lot as of late. And the bandana I’m sure is obvious— it’s what I’ve been using to cover my face with out in public.
These are weird times, friends! I hope you’re all managing! :)

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I know this isn't quite "art"... but it is to me. I worked really hard on this habit tracker so I could maintain some semblance of normalcy. I'm trying to hold myself accountable for doing normal things since it's hard to maintain a schedule. Usually, I keep a very vigorous planner, but I just haven't been able to bring myself to make one. Instead, I use a small whiteboard for a daily to-do list, and then use this tracker to make sure I'm doing the small things.
I have stuff categorized by "Health" (green), "Mental" (pink), and "School/Work" (blue). The page below this is a mood tracker. The next page has a gratitude log.
Seeing my progress so far has been very interesting. I'm really just doing my best to take care of myself, and though I've failed in many places, being able to count the successes in some nice springtime pastels is keeping my spirits up. I would have put some spring blossoms on here from the trees around the apartment, but I'm too short to reach them!

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I'm feeling anxious.
My executive functioning is trying to run away, taking my sense of control with it. My downstairs neighbors keep fighting and yelling. My mother and brother are struggling with depression. Worry and pain everywhere, stricken deep into the heart. All of these thoughts tangle up into a dark spiral.
I try to grab onto the hopeful thoughts, desperately rushing to turn them into action. Throwing a stick for my silly dog makes her so happy, that I feel a little happy. Running outside and clearing my mind to make room for that pesky executive function. I try to remind myself of the resilience in each and every one of us.
I wish the better thoughts felt bigger and more connected, but then again I have always found that challenging.

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In my art piece I used a plastic water bottle and colored it in blue to represent that it was full. I also added some droplets and puddles that represent water over flowing. In this art piece I am the water bottle and the water is just all that is going on in my life. I just feel like I have a lot with school, work and family that it's overwhelming and everything is just a lot for me to handle right now that it feels like everything is just overflowing. I also feel like I have a lot to do and a lot of time, but no motivation to work on it. The reason why I decided to put my art piece on yellow paper just to show that I'm trying to stay positive and faithful that everything will come to an end soon and we will return to our daily lives.

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For my art piece, I found a piece of a car part on the ground, and decided to incorporate that into my artwork that I titled "Stir Crazy." I took aluminum foil, cut paper, packing tape, glue and this car piece to create a bowl and a whisk with a crazy colored background. I personally am getting pretty anxious staying at a place that isn't even my home. I miss going to work and being able to go out and about. I am missing my friends and family right now and hate that I am not in control of any of this Coronavirus stuff. I am nervous for my boyfriend who is working on a Covid unit. Everything is out of control, and that is what this piece represents.