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What happens when a child discloses abuse?

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What happens when a child discloses abuse?

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What happens when a child discloses abuse

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Handout - how should you respond when you suspect abuse or maltreatment? 

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Handout - how should you respond when you suspect abuse or maltreatment? 

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We've all been on the receiving end of them and most of us have had to instigate them at some time. But that doesn't make it any easier when we realise that we are going to have to have a "difficult" conversation with our child.

It might be because we have to break some bad news or try to find out more about something that doesn't seem quite right with them at the time. It might just be the classic unease about how to talk to teenagers about sex or drugs.

Whatever the subject, and however old the child you're talking to, there are lots of ways to make it a bit less painful for you both and maybe even come away from the conversation knowing that you're even closer to your child than before.

How you start the conversation is going to depend on a lot of things, including how old and mature your child is and what you want to talk about. Ultimately, it's always going to be up to your judgement about the best way to tackle it but what you'll read here could give you a few pointers.

Why it's good to talk

Our children are precious to us. We all want them to grow up in a safe and loving environment and become happy, confident adults. To get there they need to be surrounded by positive influences, good advice and the knowledge that if they ever need help and support there will be someone to talk to.

As a parent, it's you who they'll look to for help. And, as they're your child, it's up to you to talk to them when you think they might need a nudge in the right direction or to share news or information that's going to affect their lives.

Creating the right situation

Whatever it is you want to discuss, it's important to think about where and how to talk so children will listen.

There's no telling how long the conversation is going to last, so the first thing to consider is where and when you're going to start it off. And it's probably not a great idea to have it in the evening when people are tired and might not be in the mood to concentrate.

Unless it's a chat you want to have with more than one child, it's also sensible to have it at a time when brothers and sisters aren't around to interrupt.

It could be good to have it in a relaxed and neutral place like on a walk or a bike ride or even when you're in the car. You could also ask other parents you know how they've created the right situation to talk about difficult topics in the past and see if it would work for you too.

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We've all been on the receiving end of them and most of us have had to instigate them at some time. But that doesn't make it any easier when we realise that we are going to have to have a "difficult" conversation with our child.

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Contents of a typical child protection policy 

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Contents of a typical child protection policy 

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Child protection and safeguarding are such important issues for schools that you will get a question on them in your interview. See also my article Child Protection: the questions, NOT the answers

What we have below is a typical Child Protection Policy, so that you can remind yourself of the major points before your interview.

The best thing of all, of course, is to get the actual policy of the school where you have applied; it is often on the internet. But if it isn't, just read through this one.

And do remember: a puppy isn't just for Christmas, a Child Protection Policy isn't just for an interview.
Child Protection: Summary

Teachers and others in regular contact with children and young people are in a position to get to know those individuals well, to develop trusting relationships, observe changes in behaviour and may be chosen by the young person to share confidence and concerns. Regrettably, there are occasions where child abuse is alleged or suspected. All such situations must be taken seriously.

lt is the policy of a school/establishment to safeguard the welfare of children and all others involved in the school activities by protecting them from physical, sexual and emotional harm.

lt is the responsibility of each adult to ensure that his/her behaviour is appropriate at all times. A Code of Behaviour is included in this document to give positive guidance for all adults. It is essential that all adults follow the Code of Behaviour whether they work with children, young people or vulnerable adults. Detail of the steps to take if abuse is alleged or suspected are also included in this document. It is important to remember that school staff are not investigating officers.

lf there is an allegation or suspicion of abuse then this must be reported immediately to the Designated Person for Child Protection, whose responsibility it is to refer to social services/police (who are the investigative agencies). At all times the welfare of the young person is paramount. Swift reporting will enable the investigative agency to give advice and take appropriate action.

These procedures exist, not to discourage adults from being involved in the life of school/service, but to ensure, as far as possible, that people who may abuse children do not get the opportunity to do so.

Complying with School/Establishment's Child Protection Policy:
All adults coming into contact with children and young people in this school/service must comply with the Child Protection Policy and Code of Behaviour.

As one such person, you are required to sign a copy of this document. By signing, you agree to comply with the policy and follow the Code of Behaviour. This form must be read, discussed, signed and handed to the headteacher, head of service or other designated person before you undertake any duties in this establishment.
ln all matters of child protection, the welfare and safety of the child is the paramount consideration. Procedure If you suspect that a child/young person/vulnerable adult is being abused:

lmmediately tell the Child Protection Designated Person. If the accusation is against this person, then you should inform the second Designated Person. Record the known facts for the above person.
If a child or young person or vulnerable adult tells you he/she is being abused:

Allow him/her to speak without interruption, accepting what is said.

Advise him/her that you will offer support, but that you MUST pass information on to the Child Protection Designated Person.

Immediately tell the Child Protection Designated Person.

Record the facts as you know them, including the account given to you by the young person and give a copy to the Child Protection Designated Person

If you receive an allegation about any adult or about yourself:

Immediately tell the Child Protection Designated Person

Record the facts as you know them and give a copy to the Child Protection Designated Person

You must refer. You must not investigate.

Code of behaviour

Do treat everyone with respect

Do provide an example you wish others to follow

Do plan activities so that they involve more than one person or at least are in sight or hearing of others.

Do respect a young person's right to personal privacy

Do provide access for young people and adults to feel comfortable enough to point out attitudes or behaviours that they do not like, and try to provide a caring atmosphere

Do remember that someone else might misinterpret your actions, no matter how well intentioned

Do act as an appropriate role model

Do Not permit abusive youth/peer activities (eg bullying, ridiculing)

Do Not play physical contact games, make inappropriate comments, or have inappropriate verbal banter with young people

Do Not jump to conclusions without checking facts

Do Not make suggestive remarks/gestures or tell sexist/homophobic/racist 'jokes'

Do Not rely on your good name to protect you. It may not be enough.

Do Not believe it could not happen to you. It could.

Best wishes

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Child protection and safeguarding are such important issues for schools that you will get a question on them in your interview. See also my article Child Protection: the questions, NOT the answers What we have below is a typical Child Protection Policy, so that you can remind yourself of the major points before your interview.

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We've got information and advice on different types of abuse, how to spot the signs and what you can do to help keep children safe.

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Identifying and supporting children affected by parental substance use

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Identifying and supporting children affected by parental substance use

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The impact of parental substance misuse on child development 

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The impact of parental substance misuse on child development 

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How a child's brain develops through early experiences

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How a child's brain develops through early experiences

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How a child's brain develops through early experiences