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Some students are not keen on discussing their feelings. It is important to discuss that some emotions can sometimes feel bigger than others, or build upon each other. Have students start with their biggest emotion or problem and place that at the bottom of their construction paper "sundae". Have them add layer by layer and investigate their emotions. Below is an example made by a student. (Credit: Cathy Stainbrook)

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"I Don't Want to Talk About it" (Print Source)

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"I Don't Want to Talk About it" (Print Source)

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Sometimes children go through divorce and they do not want to talk about it. While this is common among students, it is important to encourage communication in other ways.  The young girl in this book talks about how she wants to "roar like a lion" or "fly away like a bird".

ACTIVITY:
-Have students complete a journal for their own personal use. Tell the children that this is just for them to discuss their feelings, and will not be looked at by the teacher unless the student gives them permission

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I Don't Want to Talk about It: A story about divorce for young children

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When a child's parents tell her they have decided to divorce, the last thing she wants to do is talk about it. Instead, she wants to roar as loud as a lion so she...

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This adorable video is produced by Sesame Street, and tackles the tough of children thinking divorce is their fault. Many children feel this way, and this resource can help children to see that the issues are not their fault.

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Sesame Street: Little Children, Big Challenges - Divorce - "It's Not Your Fault"

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While a divorce may be okay with a child in the future, it is important to understand that it really stinks right now. This funny book discusses that it is okay and healthy for children to feel upset after a divorce.

ACTIVITY OPTIONS:
Heart One: Have students draw a heart on a blank sheet of paper. Inside the heart have the students write all of the negative emotions they are feeling in blue, and the positive emotions in pink.  Have a discussion with students about why they are feeling the way they are.  Each week, have students complete another heart. As time goes on have the students compare their hearts, and see how they are coping and becoming more positive.

Heart Two: Have students draw a hear on a blank sheet of paper. In yellow, have the students write words that describe how they are feeling before the divorce. In purple have them describe feelings they are experiencing during the divorce, and in pink how they are feeling after the divorce. This can be done over time, at the end of a divorce, or predictions at the beginning.

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Kids are told, "it's for the best"--and one day, it may be. But right now, divorce is the worst. With honesty and humor, Anastasia Higginbotham beautifully...

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Many schools have a "banana splits" program where children of divorce can come together to discuss their issues.  Teachers could start this in their classrooms, grade level, or even school wide. Below is an example advertisement.

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"Helping Students Deal with Divorce, etc" (Online Resource)

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"Helping Students Deal with Divorce, etc" (Online Resource)

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This is a wonderful article that breaks down the steps teachers should take when they have a student dealing with a big change. I have placed it on multiple boards throughout this project as it applies to many subtopics. Janelle Cox does a great job of illustrating what we as educators can do to help students going through a rough time at home. Steps include: provide consistency, be available, communicate, and reinforce student strengths.

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Schools and teachers play a very important role in helping students cope with death, divorce, or any other at-home situation that is out of a child's hands. Any new adjustment in a child's life should be handled with kid gloves and is a process that is stressful and that will take time. To support children during these difficult times, it is essential that schools and parents work together to ensure a child's healthy development and success in school.

Here are a few things teachers can do to in helping students going through a tough time.

Provide Consistency

The first and foremost thing you can do is to provide the same structure and consistency that you always have. Children thrive on routine, and since their home life has changed, it's essential that you keep their school life the same. The rest of their life may feel like its falling apart, so be sure to make school the one thing that they can count on. Keeping their minds busy will help them in the healing process.

Reinforce Their Strengths

For students who have parents going through a divorce, it's important that these students know that they are valued. Their parents may be so wrapped up in their own situation that the child may feel neglected or unwanted. In these situations, teachers can provide opportunities for students to build on their strengths, or provide leadership roles where students feel they are in charge and an important asset to the class.

Model a Culture of Equality

Avoid sensitive terms that may be offensive to students. Don't assume that all students have a mom and a dad, or the same last name. Be sensitive to family differences and encourage a culture of equality in the classroom. If you do this from day one, then when these big issues occur during the school year, your class structure will already be in a place that will support any student whose going through a difficult time.

Make Decisions Based on the Student

Just as a doctor treats every patient differently, a teacher must treat every child based upon their own needs. In the beginning of the school year, explain this analogy to your students, so they have an understanding that at some point in the year, not every student may be doing the same amount of schoolwork. Learn as much as you can about the situation and make your decisions based on that. Make sure to be flexible to meet the needs of the child who is going through a tough time. What's going on in their home life is more important than checking off a standard at school. It's OK to be flexible as long as you keep your expectations high, and hold the student accountable for their work. In the case of a death at home, students should not have to be held accountable for their work.

Reduce Your Expectations

When a student's life is in an upheaval, it's fair to reduce your expectations. Take the student aside and discuss their needs with them. Real-life situations trump school, and to expect a student that is going through a traumatic event in their home life to complete a project or test at that time is unfair. Do not excuse them from their work, just lighten their load and give them more time to complete it.

Be Compassionate

Remember, these are children who most likely have no idea how to deal with what is going on in their home lives. Besides referring them to the school counselor for extra help, be compassionate. These children will need your empathy and love, especially dealing with issues in the home such as death.

Make Yourself Available

Offer to meet with the student before, during or after school. Make yourself more available than you normally would so the child in the situation knows there is someone that is on their side and there for them. An extra smile, hug, or even time with the child will do a lot for them.

Be sure to have open communication with the parents. For students whose parents are going through a divorce, make sure to encourage parents to not criticize or degrade the other parent in front of the child. If a student is dealing with a death, make sure to keep in contact with the parents and update them on how the child is coping in school.

Your continued support and compassion, along with your flexibility, can help any student cope with any situation that they are having at home. Just think of the student in need as if he/she was your own. How would you want the teacher to handle the situation?
How do you help your students deal with these types of situations? Do you have any advice you would like to share? Please comment below. Janelle Cox is an education writer who uses her experience and knowledge to provide creative and original writing in the field of education. Janelle holds a Master's of Science in Education from the State University of New York College at Buffalo. She is also the Elementary Education Expert for , as well as a contributing writer to TeachHUB.com and TeachHUB Magazine. You can follow her at Twitter , or on Facebook at Empowering K6 Educators.

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Helping Students Deal with Death, Divorce, Etc.

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Schools and teachers play a very important role in helping students cope with death, divorce, or any other at-home situation that is out of a child's hands. Any new adjustment in a child's life should be handled with kid gloves and is a process that is stressful and that will take time.

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Below is the link to a activity workbook about divorce. This workbook is intended for a younger children (around grades 4 and below) and addresses the major concerns with children in divorce such as "what do you want to happen in the future", and "what does family mean to you". This is a great resource to give to a child, or provide for a parent to give to their child, in order to help them cope with divorce and all that comes with it.

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Some divorces do not end with a child living in two homes...some divorces happen because a parent abandons the family.  This story discusses what happens when a parent leaves, and how a child deals with the stress.

ACTIVITY: Have the child sit down and talk about the parent they are currently living with. Instead of focusing all the negative energy on a parent who abandoned them, put the emphasis on the parent they have. Instruct the student to write a story and the adventures the child and parent will have together. This will help them to appreciate the parent they still have, and help them to look forward to the future.

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Where Is My Mommy?: Coping When a Parent Leaves (and Doesn't Come Back)

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The Other Format of the Where Is My Mommy?: Coping When a Parent Leaves (and Doesn't Come Back) by Mary Kilgore, Cary Pillo, Mitchell Kilgore | at Barnes

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Attached are the lyrics to the song "Family Portrait" by P!NK.  This song discusses the dissolving of a family, and calling it "World War Three". It addresses themes of argument, money, sibling relationships, and having the child blame themselves for the situation they are currently in.
Have the students (grades 5 and up is recommended) listen to the song and read along with the lyrics. After they have finished reading have them pick one "big idea" or theme from the song and create a word web with their group or a neighbor.  These webs can be created on large paper. Hang the webs around the room and have students do a picture walk (walk around and observe the images). After the students have looked around, discuss the themes as a whole group.  Ask the big question: "How can music help us to learn or deal with family issues??

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This book can help all children understand that families do not necessarily live in one place. By reading Alex's story it can help children of divorce understand that two homes are okay, and that they are not loved any less because their parents are not together. It could also be read to the whole class to help others sympathize, and understand, a situation others are going through. Here are some discussion questions to help with the book

TO CHILDREN OF DIVORCE:
-What are some great things about each of your houses?
-What are some positive things about having two homes?
-Alex is loved by both her parents in both her homes. Do you feel the same way?

TO THE WHOLE CLASS:
-What would you do if you had two homes? What would be the challenges?
-How can you help a friend who lives in two different places?

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"Parents looking for a book about separation or divorce will find few offerings as positive, matter-of-fact, or child-centered as this one. . . . Simple,...

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While this book does not address divorce specifically, it discusses the endless love a parent has for their child. This could help young students who believe their parents love will change after a divorce, but the activity I chose will address a whole class, and assure them that no matter what happens their parents will always love them. This can be used preemptively, as well as teach about divorce in a more subtle way that does not call out a specific student.

ACTIVITY: This writing activity is completed at home and at school, as well as should be done with parents and students together. In class, give students a piece of paper. On the top students should write "What I love about my parents". Underneath students should write and illustrate their favorite traits about their parents/guardians (Words for younger children, paragraphs for older students). After this is completed, turn the page and have the children write "What I love about my child". For homework, have the students' parents complete the back. Share as a class the next day to reinforce the love between parents and children.

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I'm grim and grumpy," says Small to Large, "and I don't think you love me at all." But nothing could be further from the...

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"Voice of the Child of Divorce" (Video Resource for Teachers, Parents and Children)

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"Voice of the Child of Divorce" (Video Resource for Teachers, Parents and Children)

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This video can truly open your eyes to the problems being faced by children of divorce. It is a letter written and read by a child of divorce. Teachers and parents could use this video to see the situation from a child's perspective, while children struggling with divorce can relate to the contents, and realize they are not alone. Finally, children in the classroom (who are not experiencing this) can watch and understand what their peers may be going through, and hopefully help to make them more empathetic to the situation.

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"Sesame Street: Divorce, The Bird Family"

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"Sesame Street: Divorce, The Bird Family"

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Another great video produced by Sesame Street that can be shown to children struggling with divorce. This one discusses how other children are also experiencing divorce, how multiple houses work, and that just because their are two parents in two houses it does not mean the child is loved any less.

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Sesame Street: Little Children, Big Challenges - Divorce - "Bird Family" Song

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"The Impact of Divorce on Children" (Video Resource for Teachers and Parents)

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"The Impact of Divorce on Children" (Video Resource for Teachers and Parents)

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In this Ted Talk, Professor Tamara Afifi breaks down the effect divorce can have on children by using a combination of children's voices (she narrates the stories she has heard) and research. Hearing the kids' stories is incredibly powerful, as well as emotional, as you truly get their perspective of the situation. This is a great resource to help teachers understand how different children feel about the same issues, as well as for parents to help them with their children, or children close to them, who are struggling.

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The impact of divorce on children: Tamara D. Afifi at TEDxUCSB

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"When My Parents Forgot to be Friends" (Print Resources, Picture Book)

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"When My Parents Forgot to be Friends" (Print Resources, Picture Book)

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This book helps children to understand what divorce is, as well as discusses the concept that divorce is not the child's fault. The theme of friendship is stressed heavily throughout the novel, so the activity is discussion based, with the intention of helping the child realize the support system they have around them.

Discussion Questions:
-Why do you think it is important to be friends with somebody?
-What do you look for in a friend?
-Do you have close friends who can help you?
-Are you comfortable talking to your friends about your parents divorce?
-Why do you think having good friends to talk to will help you feel better?

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When My Parents Forgot How to Be Friends

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The Paperback of the When My Parents Forgot How to Be Friends by Jennifer Moore-Mallinos, Marta Fabrega | at Barnes & Noble. FREE Shipping on $25 or

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"Dinosaur's Divorce" (Print Resource, Picture Book)

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"Dinosaur's Divorce" (Print Resource, Picture Book)

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This picture book goes through "divorce definitions" and describes to a child what divorce is, why it is happening, and what comes next.

ACTIVITY:
Sit down with the child and ask them if there are any details that they would like to add to the book. Encourage them to share their own personal experiences, and tell the child that their story can help someone else who is going through the same situation. Allow the child to draw a picture or write a story, whichever they are more comfortable with. Not only will this help the child process what is happening, but allows the adults to see what is going on in the child's head/world.

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The Paperback of the Dinosaurs Divorce by Marc Brown, Laurie Krasny Brown, Lawson, Rosanne Bittner | at Barnes & Noble. FREE Shipping on $25 or more