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Muh. Cahyadi Rahman Firdaus, I hope you know that your name will forever be engraved in my memory as someone who has broke and destroyed me in a million way that a person could. Not me, not my mom, not my dad, not my brothers would ever forget and forgive what you did to me. For as long as you live, whether you’d admit it or not, you will forever be a person who raped someone’s daughter. Once a rapist, always a rapist.

And for as long as I still get bad dreams about it, it’s how long that I will keep coming to be your nightmare.

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i am scared of what i could do to myself when i’m alone.

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it is 2021 all over again. if not, even worse

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it is 2021 all over again. if not, even worse

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There is not a single day where I don't think, dream and pray for your downfall.

God is forgiving, but I am no God. I am just a flawed human with a heart tinted with hatred. Hatred that you sow in me from the thing you did. Hatred that I have to admit is starting to eating me alive.

I never wish to live with this unpleasant feeling. It is tiring. Hating is exhausting. But so does learning how to forgive.

If God is on my side, I hope he hears my prayers for you. But God never listen to bad prayers. So I pray to God to wash away this feeling and make me forget it was ever here in the first place.