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Positive relationships for families: how to build them

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Positive relationships for families: how to build them

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Key points

Children feel secure and loved when they have strong and positive family relationships.

Positive family relationships help families resolve conflict, work as a team and enjoy each other’s company.

Positive family relationships are built on quality time, communication, teamwork and appreciation of each other.

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Positive relationships for families: why they're important

Strong and positive family relationships are enjoyable for their own sake - it just feels good to be part of a warm and loving family.

But positive family relationships are important for many other reasons too. They:

help children feel secure and loved, which gives them confidence to explore their world, try new things and learn

make it easier for your family to solve problems, resolve conflict and respect differences of opinion

give children the skills they need to understand and build healthy and strong relationships.

This is why it's worth maintaining and improving the relationships you share with your children and other family members.

There are plenty of simple things you can do to develop positive family relationships.

Positive family relationships are an important part of strong families. Strong families grow from love, security, communication, connection - and a few rules and routines too.

Quality time and family relationships

Quality family time is about making the most of the time you spend together as a family. Here are ways you can make quality time happen in your family:

Use everyday time together to talk and share a laugh. For example, family meals and car travel can be great times to catch up on the day.

Have time together when devices are turned off and out of sight. This helps to keep everyone focused on what you're doing or talking about at the time.

Have one-on-one chats with each family member to strengthen individual relationships. It can just be 5 minutes before each child goes to bed.

Set aside time with your partner, if you have one. You could explain to your children that it's good for your relationship with your partner to have this quality time alone together.

Do regular, fun things together as a family. This can be as simple as a family soccer game at the local park on Saturdays or a family board games night each week.

Have regular family meals together, and give everyone a role. For example, someone sets the table, someone clears the table, and someone washes up.

Positive communication and family relationships

Positive communication is about listening without judgment and expressing your thoughts and feelings openly and respectfully. It helps everybody feel understood, respected and valued, and this strengthens your relationships.

Try these positive communication ideas to strengthen your family relationships:

When your child or partner wants to talk, try to stop what you're doing and actively listen. Give people time to express their points of view or feelings.

Be open to talking about difficult things - like mistakes - and all kinds of feelings, including anger, joy, frustration, fear and anxiety. But it's best to wait until you've calmed down from strong emotions like anger before you talk about them.

Be ready for spontaneous conversations. For example, younger children often like to talk through their feelings when they're in the bath or as they're getting into bed.

Plan for difficult conversations, especially with teenagers. For example, sex, drugs, alcohol, academic difficulties and money are topics that families can find difficult to talk about. It helps to think through your feelings and values before these topics come up.

Encourage your children with praise. For example, 'It's a big help when you bring the bins in without being asked, Leo. Thanks!'

Let everyone in the family know that you love and appreciate them. This can be as simple as saying 'I love you' to your children each night when they go to bed.

Positive non-verbal communication
Not all communication happens in words, so it's important to pay attention to the feelings that your children and partner express non-verbally. For example, your teenage child might not want to talk to you but might still come looking for the comfort of cuddles sometimes!

It's also important to be aware of the non-verbal messages you send. For example, hugs, kisses and eye contact send the message that you want to be close to your child. But a grumpy tone of voice or a frown when you're doing something together might send the message that you don't want to be there.

Positive communication can be about respecting someone's desire not to talk. For example, as children move towards the teenage years, they often want more privacy. But you can stay connected with your teenage child, both through everyday activities and planned time together.

Teamwork and family relationships

When your family is working as a team, everyone feels supported and able to contribute. It's easier to work as a team when everyone understands where they stand, so it helps to have clear expectations, limits and boundaries.

You can encourage teamwork in these ways:

Share household chores. Even very young children can enjoy the feeling of belonging that comes from making a contribution.

Include children in decisions about things like family activities and holidays. Give everyone - including young children - a chance to have their say before you make the final decision. Family meetings can be a good way to do this.

Let children make some of their own decisions, depending on their abilities and maturity. For example, you might let your 12-year-old child decide whether to walk or cycle home from school.

Create family rules together that state clearly how your family wants to look after and treat its members. For example, 'In our family we speak respectfully to each other'. Rules like this help everyone get along better and make family life more peaceful.

Work together to solve problems. This involves listening and thinking calmly, considering options, respecting people's opinions, finding constructive solutions, and working towards compromises.

Appreciation for each other and family relationships

Valuing each other is at the heart of good family relationships. Here are ways you might be able to do this:

Take an interest in each other's lives. For example, make time to go to each other's sporting events, drama performances, art shows and so on.

Include everyone when you're talking about the day's events. For example, 'What was the highlight for you today, Izzy?'

Share family stories and memories. These can help children appreciate things that aren't obvious or that they've forgotten - for example, Mum's sporting achievements when she was younger, or the way they helped care for their sibling as a baby.

Acknowledge each other's differences, talents and abilities, and use each other's strengths. For example, if you praise and thank your teenage child for listening to a younger sibling reading, your child will begin to see themselves as helpful and caring.

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Positive relationships for families: how to build them

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Positive relationships in families help children feel secure and loved. Here's how to build relationships with quality time, communication, teamwork and more.

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Building a Strong Family Team: 3 Fundamental Techniques

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Building a Strong Family Team: 3 Fundamental Techniques

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When we as family leaders understand how to create the optimum environment for our family team, all of us benefit in incalculable ways mentally, physically, and emotionally. The good news is, it’s never too early to start implementing the family team concept and it’s never too late to turn things around if you’re headed in the wrong direction.

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Building a Strong Family Team: 3 Fundamental Techniques | Raising Families

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Click here to learn how to create your successful family team. When you work together as a family, you have more time to have fun!

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The Covid-19 pandemic has caused many working families to stop and reassess their values. Three common work practices can help us decide what to continue doing — and what to ditch. First, identify a family mission or purpose. It will help you focus on what is meaningful, set priorities, and drop ite…

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Family Mission Statement: How to Create One in 3 Steps

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Family Mission Statement: How to Create One in 3 Steps

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Author: Susan Wilson
August 4, 2017

Having a family mission statement creates a bond between parents and children as they support each other and help each other grow. Your family's sense of unity and purpose strengthens when every member knows that everyone is truly committed to each other's success and growth. Creating a mission statement based on Habit 2 of the 7 Habits-Begin With the End in Mind-and the principles of commitment, purpose, and vision is as easy as counting to three!

First, define outcomes before you act

Second, create a mission statement

Third, live by the mission statement

Defining the Outcome

Defining the outcome means starting a project or goal with the end in mind; in this case, it is creating a family mission statement. For example, a fun way to demonstrate this principle to your children, before starting this project, is by asking them to put together a puzzle without seeing the picture on the box.

1. Find a puzzle with at least 24 pieces. You may have to purchase a new one that your family has not put together before.

2. Ask each family member to put it together in 30 seconds without looking at the picture of the puzzle. Give each person an opportunity to try to finish it in 30 seconds.

3. After they each have tried, ask them what would make this task easier for them. They will likely say that if they had a picture of the puzzle or more time they would be more successful.

4. Now give them another 30 seconds and the picture of the puzzle. Ask them, "Why was it easier this time?" This is a great object lesson to show how important it is to have a vision, or plan-in this case, a picture of the puzzle-in order to be successful in completing something.

Creating a Mission statement

After defining the outcome, next is to create a family mission statement. In order to do this, figure out what is most important to your family by answering these seven questions:

1. What is the purpose of our family?

2. What kinds of things do we want to do?

3. What kind of feeling do we want to have in our home?

4. What kind of relationships do we want to have with one another?

5. What are our family's priorities?

6. What are our responsibilities as family members?

7. How can we contribute to society as a family and become more service-oriented?

Give your children the opportunity to express their feelings of what they think is important to your family. Mission statements do not need to be long or formal, they just need to represent what is important to you and your family. Don't try to rush this process. This may take a few months! Make sure that your family feels that the mission statement clearly represents what is important to everyone.

Living by the Mission statement

After you create your family mission statement, make sure it is visible and conspicuous, because it is time to live it! Some families put it in a frame and hang it in different locations in their home as a reminder. Other families repeat their family mission statement at meals to remind them of what their family stands for before they go out the door. There is no right or wrong for living by your family's mission statement as long as you make it your own.

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Family Mission Statement: How to Create One in 3 Steps

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Author: Susan Wilson August 4, 2017 Having a family mission statement creates a bond between parents and children as they support each other and help each other grow. Your family's sense of unity and purpose strengthens when every member knows that everyone is truly committed to each other's success and growth.

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How to Create a Family Mission Statement

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How to Create a Family Mission Statement

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How to Create a Family Mission Statement

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How to Create a Family Mission Statement

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30 Day Challenge to a Less Frazzled Life

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30 Day Challenge to a Less Frazzled Life

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Circles of Influence
Values are the things you cherish most in life. They play a role in shaping your goals, priorities, and identity.
Values are influenced by your own beliefs, as well as by your family, friends, and society. Staying true to
your values can help you express your most authentic self.
Instructions: List the top 5 values held by each group or person below.

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Watch the video to learn how to play.
The Fair Play book delivers a time and anxiety saving system that offers couples a completely new way to divvy up their domestic responsibilities. It started with the “Stuff I Do” spreadsheet – a list of all the invisible tasks it takes to run a home, but developed into a gamified system with four easy-to-follow rules, 100 household tasks, and a figurative card game you play with your partner. Remember: Fair Play is a practice. Just like riding a bike for the first time it might feel awkward and you might fall down, but with time it will come as second nature to you!

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The Fair Play book delivers a time and anxiety saving system that offers couples a completely new way to divvy up their domestic responsibilities. It started with the “Sh*t I Do” spreadsheet – a list of all the invisible tasks it takes to run a home, but developed into a gamified system with four easy-to-follow rules, 100 household tasks, and a figurative card game you play with your partner. Remember: Fair Play is a practice. Just like riding a bike for the first time it might feel awkward and you might fall down, but with time it will come as second nature to you!

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Fair Play is the game-changing system created for couples to rebalance domestic responsibilities. Eve Rodsky, author of Fair Play, is here to walk you through the steps of how to play the cards. https://www.fairplaylife.com/the-cards

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Eve Rodsky’s system helps couples balance household tasks | How to play the Fair Play Cards

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Family Meetings Doing My Fair Share Handout (2)

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Family Meetings Doing My Fair Share Handout (1)

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An invitation to grow deeper

I am on a journey out of fear toward love. We all are. When we truly love ourselves, we become able to grow into who we were always meant to be. We become able to uplift and assist others.

An invitation to grow deeper

I am on a journey out of fear toward love. We all are. When we truly love ourselves, we become able to grow into who we were always meant to be. We become able to uplift and assist others.

I've begun to peel away layers of fear of how the world would perceive me for doing what I love and have been gifted to do. You touched every nerve and impulse in my body. Thank you.

Your truth and raw honesty gave me a sense of permission to continue pushing to be my authentic self at all times, in all spaces.

You were beyond motivational and beyond inspirational. Thank you for giving me, and so many others, a lot to think about. Your words resonated with me in a way that very few ever have.

Thank you for channeling your experience in a way that put me in tune with myself.

I am moved by your stories and find myself reflecting on what I can do better; more accurately what our kids can do better for themselves.

On Race

Real American: A Memoir

In this powerful and award-winning reflection on identity, belonging, and community, Julie details growing up Black and biracial in white spaces. She shares the toll that racism, discrimination, and microaggressions took on her self-worth, and how she found acceptance through the healing power of community.

On parenting

How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success

A New York Times best-seller. In this provocative anti-helicopter parenting manifesto, Julie highlights the ways overparenting harms children, their parents, and society at large-and offers practical alternative strategies for raising kids to be self-sufficient, resilient, and successful.

ON WRITING

Writing Memoir

This little book of writing prompts from The Writers Grotto, where Julie is a member, opens with a foreword by Julie that offers pointers for crafting a compelling narrative from your own experiences. The rest of the book consists of prompts and space to write, providing opportunities to reframe aspects of your life in thoughtful and interesting ways.

on adulting

Coming Soon! Your Turn: How to Be an Adult

Early adulthood looks dramatically different for young people today than it did for their parents. Many members of the Millennial and Gen Z generations feel lost or unsure. In this compassionate but insistent offering for 18- to 35-year-olds, Julie shares how to find a path that leads to joy and fulfillment and gives guidance for anyone struggling with #adulting.

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Grow deeper with Julie

Conferences, presentations, rallies.

Julie's talks help us take the first step toward personal liberation: to drop our defenses, break wide open, and acknowledge the factors that limit our ability to find a meaningful path.

She's spoken at schools, organizations, and corporations, and in communities across the country about the challenges we face as humans striving to thrive. Invite her to your next event to discuss how we can deepen our awareness of ourselves, strengthen connections, build community, and create environments where everyone feels respected and valued.
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About Julie

Julie is an author, speaker, and activist focused on helping humans find their true north. At its core, her work is about the obstacles that prevent us from being our most authentic selves and how to overcome them. She offers us all an invitation to grow deeper-to continuously return to and strengthen our voice, values, meaning, and joy.

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I've begun to peel away layers of fear of how the world would perceive me for doing what I love and have been gifted to do. You touched every nerve and impulse in my body. Thank you. Your truth and raw honesty gave me a sense of permission to continue pushing to be my authentic self at all times, in all spaces.

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We know — it’s easier to do it yourself, but you're doing your child a disservice if he isn’t given household jobs. | How to assign chores »

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Chores are a necessary part of family living. Everyone - son, daughter, mom, and dad - should be assigned daily and weekly tasks on a chore chart.

I know it's easier to complete the tasks yourself, but you'll be doing your child a disservice if he isn't assigned jobs around the house. Chores teach responsibility and self-discipline, develop skills for independent living, counteract bad behavior, and make the child with ADHD a contributing member of the family.

Household tasks help the child with attention deficit disorder ( ADHD or ADD) feel like an important member of the family. Because he may experience more disappointments, failures, and frustrations than the average child, it is imperative that he knows he is needed at home. Choose chores that you know he can complete successfully. This will build self-esteem.

The Right Chores for Kids with ADHD

When assigning chores, consider the age of the child, his interests, and his ability to perform a task. Then teach your child the task in small steps. Let's say you want your seven-year-old to take responsibility for setting the dinner table. Together, count out the number of plates needed and show him their proper locations. Now count out the number of forks, knives, and spoons needed. Put the utensils in the correct places, followed by the napkins and glassware. Before you know it, your child can set a table.

Clarify the task to be completed, step by step. Pictures showing the steps can be posted on a refrigerator or wall as a visual reference until the chore becomes routine. (Older kids may need only verbal instructions.)
[Click to Read: How Chores Can Improve ADHD Behavior]
Knowing the basics doesn't mean he is ready to take full responsibility for the job. Your child will probably need reminders and some supervision before he is able to complete the task on his own. Offer encouragement and praise for his efforts, even if they don't measure up to your expectations.

Set a Deadline for Chores

Establishing a time frame - "Bill, I want the table set by 5:30" - will motivate him to finish the task. With children who can't tell time, set a timer and let them know that, when the buzzer goes off, they should pick up their toys or feed the dog.

"Chores actually are a great help to David," says Kate, David's mom. "It's a way for him to help us. Even though he complains at times, he likes vacuuming, preparing snacks, and helping sort laundry. Taking the time to teach him the job has paid off big for us. His vacuuming is passable and his laundry sense is great."

"We try to show Ryan that a family works together," explains his mother, Terri. "For example, if Ryan does his chores, we will have extra time to play or be with him. If not, we'll spend that time doing his chores."

Another mom says, "In our home, chores are done on a paid-for basis. Each chore is worth so much. My husband and I felt our son should learn that you have to work for what you want."
[Get This Free Parent Resource: ADHD Discipline Strategies]

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How Chores Can Improve a Child's Behavior

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Chores are a necessary part of family living. Everyone - son, daughter, mom, and dad - should be assigned daily and weekly tasks on a chore chart. I know it's easier to complete the tasks yourself, but you'll be doing your child a disservice if he isn't assigned jobs around the house.

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Julie Lythcott-Haims: Your Turn: How to Be an Adult

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By loading kids with high expectations and micromanaging their lives at every turn, parents aren't actually helping. At least, that's how Julie Lythcott-Haims sees it. With passion and wry humor, the former Dean of Freshmen at Stanford makes the case for parents to stop defining their children's success via grades and test scores.

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Family Perspective: Families have information and ideas about what they want or is needed for their member’s good life.

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Family Perspective: Families have information and ideas about what they want or is needed for their member’s good life.

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As an individual member plans for their good life, it is important for them to be able to express their own vision, ideas, and understanding of life experiences and events. However, families often have valuable information, perspective, and opinions, and need a way to express and organize ideas and information as they support and plan with their family member. The family perspective materials are designed to help families articulate their vision of what they want/don’t want for their family members, identify and access key supports, and have conversations with their family members and supporters about planning for a good life now and in the future.

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As an individual member plans for their good life, it is important for them to be able to express their own vision, ideas, and understanding of life experiences and events. However, families often have valuable information, perspective, and opinions, and need a way to express and organize ideas and information as they support and plan with their family member.