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Thoroughly read brief and handbook making notes of all important details

Create multiple lead question subjects and ideas, pick the best and most relevant one

Create chapter plan based off of key themes and theories around the chosen question

Gather research from academic sources, enough to create a foundation for my actual dissertation

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I have aways had a n interest in capitalism and consumer culture so I thought it would be good to explore subjects that relate to that. I wanted to focus my dissertation around my course subject (Advertising) as it would allow me to enhance my knowledge about my future career prospects and critically analyse the current industry practices.

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Receive grading and feedback from the proposal

Respond to all feedback, refining the question and research material as advised

add more research

Think about how i can develop the dissertation further

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Grade: (A)

Concept and Development – Proposal

The proposal is well presented and does give a clear idea of what you plan to investigate. However, it could go into a little more detail and you are rather vague about what you plan to cover. It appears from this overview that you have based this primarily on ‘The Social Network’ and I feel you could have gone into more detail in this section of the proposal. The penultimate paragraph on the selling of personal data does show some research but I feel this is going off at a slight tangent. Are you planning to discuss the effects on our attention span or the legislation? Although this is related I feel this may be two topics and if you are using the former to justify the latter this needs to be reflected in the lead question. How can the legislation of social networking alleviate the harmful effects of attention commodification? That sort of thing. At this stage I think it is ok to pursue both but I would be mindful of how much this relates to your lead question.

I would also advise against using surveys and questionnaires as primary research. These require a large sample size (responses) to substantiate your research and this is very rarely the case.

Research Review

The research review is comprehensive and compensates for the lack of information given in the previous section. You have demonstrated a clear engagement with an extensive range of sources and this is a good basis for your research over the summer. It would have been better if this had been framed around the ideas for your proposal (rather than just sections of text about each topic) but you have identified and documented a large body of research in the field which will help to inform and shape your progress.

The chapter plan is a little vague but it does show you intentions and how you plan to structure your writing over the coming months. I think this will begin to take shape over the coming months.

Production and Presentation

The paper is well written although some of your sentences are often a little too long and need fragmenting. This is more the case in the proposal rather than the research review. The research review extensively documents your research to date but as I stated before it would be better if you structured and framed this around your ideas. Use paragraph rather than headings. This is ok at this stage but it is important that we hear your voice more in your chapters.

Action Points.

• Think a little about the lead question. The final chapter suggests a slightly different angle (towards the need for legislation).

• Start to shape your chapters. What you have at this stage is sufficient but you need to think more about where your research fits into them.

• Reconsider your primary. As I said, surveys are very rarely successful in research such as this.

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Original Question:
What are the impacts of attention commodification by social networking services in the digital era?

The original question was good but the research ended up exploring possible legislation so I had to include that in the essay title.

New Question:
How can the legislation of social networking alleviate the harmful effects of attention commodification on young people in the digital era?

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I wanted to do a breakdown of my new lead question to see if it made sense and really reiterate to myself what I am trying to find with my research. This helped me decode the question and grasp it in a simple way. From there I also could see a new chapter plan forming.

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I made a new chapter plan because the first one didn't leave enough room for full exploration of the impacts that are caused by these social networking platforms which is central to the investigation. I decided to put the background and design in the first chapter and then use the second chapter based on the impacts only. I then allocated the legislations to the third chapter which all flowed perfectly.

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Point to remember: Dissertations are all about impact and behavior change.

I asked my dissertation tutor about primary research as my proposal feedback mentioned using an alternative method to surveys but didn't give an example as to what I could do instead. I tried to research different methods myself but other routes didn't seem to fit my dissertation theme.

Tutor primary research suggestions:

Interviews

Expert opinions

Emails or Linkedin

Networking

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I had a zoom session with Alex Pearl to inquire about his post on Aula where he mentioned there was no requirement for primary research regardless what is stated in the handbook.

Alex explained to me that Primary research was just an add on and that if I feel it is not relevant to my research I should'nt include any. I was pleased with that as I couldn't think of any primary research that would be essential to the paper.

I also asked him about my sources and chapter lengths which he said were all appropriate.