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http://asexuality.org

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Welcome to the Asexual Visibility and Education Network. AVEN hosts the world's largest online asexual community as well as a large archive of resources on asexuality. AVEN strives to create open, honest discussion about asexuality among sexual and asexual people alike.

Unlike celibacy, which is a choice to abstain from sexual activity, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are, just like other sexual orientations. Asexual people have the same emotional needs as everybody else and are just as capable of forming intimate relationships. To find out more about asexuality, click here. For media and speaking requests please contact aven.pt@gmail.com.

You may also like to check out our forums. (On occasion our forums may be undergoing maintenance: if so please visit our backup board.)

We appreciate any donations to help with our server costs. Please go here.

COVID-19 update - April 2020 We hope everyone is keeping well during the pandemic. We have put together a brief list of resources and support groups directed at the ace and aro community for the lockdown in many cities, as well as a link to the AVEN Unofficial discord server.

NEW! We are pleased to announce International Asexuality Day (IAD) will be held annually on 6 April. Please follow on social media, or comment on AVEN.

To get involved with ace and aro vis/ed activities or for media and speaker requests, please email aven.pt@gmail.com. If you have a question about asexuality, please email aven.qa@gmail.com.

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The Asexual Visibility and Education Network | asexuality.org

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Welcome to the Asexual Visibility and Education Network. AVEN hosts the world's largest online asexual community as well as a large archive of resources on asexuality. AVEN strives to create open, honest discussion about asexuality among sexual and asexual people alike.

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https://www.healthline.com/health/different-types-of-sexuality

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Sexuality has to do with the way you identify, how you experience sexual and romantic attraction (if you do), and your interest in and preferences around sexual and romantic relationships and behavior.

Who your sexual or romantic partner is at a given moment in time doesn't necessarily define this part of who you are. Sexuality can be fluid - changing in different situations for some, and over the years for others.

Observing patterns in sexual and romantic attraction, behavior, and preferences over time is one way to better understand your sexual identity or romantic orientation.

Familiarizing yourself with language that describes different types of sexual and romantic feelings and orientations will help you, your partners, and your friends navigate and understand the many ways people experience and identify their sexuality.

Allosexual

A word and category describing those who experience sexual attraction. Use of this term helps to normalize the experience of being asexual and provides a more specific label to describe those who aren't part of the asexual community.

Allosexism

This refers to norms, stereotypes, and practices in society that operate under the assumption that all human beings experience, or should experience, sexual attraction.

Allosexism grants privilege to those who experience attraction and leads to prejudice against and erasure of asexual people.

Androsexual

A term used to communicate sexual or romantic attraction to men, males, or masculinity. This term intentionally includes attraction to those who identify as men, male, or masculine, regardless of biology, anatomy, or sex assigned at birth.

Asexual

Asexual identity or orientation includes individuals who don't experience sexual attraction to others of any gender.

Also referred to as "aces," some people who are asexual do experience romantic attraction to people of one or multiple genders.

Aromantic

A romantic orientation the describes people who experience little or no romantic attraction, regardless of sex or gender.

Autosexual

A person who's sexually attracted to themselves. Someone's desire to engage in sexual behavior such as masturbation doesn't determine whether they're autosexual.

Autoromatic

A romantic orientation that describes a person who's romantically attracted to themselves. Those who identify as autoromatic often report experiencing the relationship they have with themselves as romantic.

Bicurious

This refers to people who are questioning or exploring bisexuality, which typically includes curiosity about one's romantic or sexual attraction to people of the same or different genders.

Bisexual

A sexual orientation that describes those who experience sexual, romantic, or emotional attractions to people of more than one gender.

Also referred to as "bi," bisexual typically includes individuals who are attracted to a variety of people, with genders that are similar to and different than their own.

Biromantic

Those who experience romantic attraction, but not sexual attraction, to individuals of more than one gender.

Closeted

Closeted, also referred to as "in the closet," describes people in the LGBTQIA+ community who don't publicly or openly share their sexual identity, sexual attraction, sexual behavior, gender expression, or gender identity.

Closeted is often understood as the opposite of "out," and refers to the metaphorical hidden or private place a LBGTQIA+ person comes from in the process of making decisions about disclosing gender and sexuality.

Some individuals may be out in certain communities but closeted in others, due to fear of discrimination, mistreatment, rejection, or violence.

Coming out

A phrase that refers to the process of being open about one's sexuality and gender. For many LGBTQIA+ people, "coming out" isn't a one-time event, but a process and series of moments and conversations.

Also described as coming out of the closet, this process can include:

sharing about a same-gender or similar gender sexual or romantic attraction or experience

identifying as LGBTQIA+

disclosing one's specific gender identity, gender expression, or sexual or romantic orientation

Some LGBTQIA+ people decide to keep their sexuality, gender, or intersex status private, while others decide to share these things with loved ones, acquaintances, or the public.

The process of coming out or the state of being out is a source of self-acceptance and pride for many (but not all) LGBTQIA+ individuals.

However, it's important to remember that each person's coming out experience is different, and the act of coming out can be hard and emotional.

The decision to come out is deeply personal. Each person should make decisions about disclosing sexuality and gender in their own time and manner.

Cupiosexual

Cupiosexual describes asexual people who don't experience sexual attraction but still have the desire to engage in sexual behavior or a sexual relationship.

Demisexual

On the asexual spectrum, this sexual orientation describes individuals who experience sexual attraction only under specific circumstances, such as after building a romantic or emotional relationship with a person.

Demiromantic

This romantic orientation describes individuals who experience romantic attraction only under specific circumstances, such as after building an emotional relationship with a person.

Fluid

This terms refers to the fact that sexuality, sexual attraction, and sexual behavior can change over time and be dependent on the situation.

It's used to describe those who experience shifts in their sexuality, sexual attraction, or sexual behavior in different situations or throughout the course of their lifetime. You may hear someone describe their sexuality as "fluid."

Gay

A term that describes individuals who experience sexual, romantic, or emotional attraction to people of the same or a similar gender.

Some gay-identified women prefer the term lesbian, while others prefer queer or gay. It's also best to ask which word or term someone uses to describe themselves.

The fields of medicine and psychology previously referred to this sexual orientation as homosexual. Homosexual is now viewed as an outdated and offensive term and shouldn't be used to refer to LGBTQIA+ individuals.

Graysexual

Graysexual is a term used to acknowledge the gray area on the sexuality spectrum for people who don't explicitly and exclusively identify as asexual or aromantic.

Many people who identify as graysexual do experience some sexual attraction or desire, but perhaps not at the same level or frequency as those who identify their sexuality as being completely outside of the asexual spectrum.

Grayromantic

A romantic orientation that describes individuals whose romantic attraction exists in the gray area between romantic and aromantic.

Many people who identify as grayromantic do experience some romantic attraction, but perhaps not at the same level or frequency as those who identify their sexuality or romantic orientation as something other than asexual.

Gynesexual

A term used to communicate sexual or romantic attraction to women, females, or femininity.

This term intentionally includes attraction to those who identify as women, female, or feminine, regardless of biology, anatomy, or the sex assigned at birth.

Heterosexual

A term that describes people who experience sexual, romantic, or emotional attraction to people of the "opposite" gender (e.g. male vs. female, man vs. woman) or a different gender.

Both cisgender and transgender identified people can be heterosexual. This sexual orientation category is commonly described as straight.

Homosexual

An outdated term rooted in the fields of medicine and psychology that refers to individuals who experience sexual, romantic, or emotional attraction to people of the same or a similar gender.

Lesbian

A woman or female-identified person who experiences sexual, romantic, or emotional attraction to people of the same or a similar gender.

Some women who are lesbians may also refer to themselves as gay or queer, while others prefer the label lesbian.

LGBTQIA+

The acronym that often describes individuals who don't identify as exclusively heterosexual or exclusively cisgender.

The letters in the LGBTQIA+ acronym stand for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer or questioning, intersex, and asexual.

The + symbol in LGBTQIA+ refers to the fact that there are many sexual orientations and gender identities that are part of the broader LGBTQIA community, but aren't included as part of the acronym.

Libidoist asexual

A term used to describe an asexual person who experiences sexual feelings that are satisfied through self-stimulation or masturbation.

This label acknowledges that, for some people, acting on libido or sexual feelings doesn't necessarily involve sexual behavior with others.

Monosexual

A broad sexual orientation category that includes people who experience romantic or sexual attraction to people of one sex or gender. Monosexuality typically includes those who are exclusively heterosexual, gay, or lesbian.

Non-libidoist asexual

Referring to an identity on the asexuality spectrum, a non-libidoist asexual is someone who doesn't experience any sexual feelings or have an active sex drive.

Omnisexual

Omnisexual is similar to pansexual and can be used to describe individuals whose sexuality isn't limited to people of a particular gender, sex, or sexual orientation.

Pansexual

A term that describes individuals who can experience sexual, romantic, or emotional attraction to any person, regardless of that person's gender, sex, or sexuality.

Panromantic

A term that describes individuals who can experience romantic, or emotional (but not sexual) attraction to any person, regardless of that person's gender, sex, or sexuality.

Polysexual

A term that describes individuals with a sexual orientation that involves sexual or romantic attraction to people with varying genders. Polysexual orientations include bisexuality, pansexuality, omnisexuality, and queer, among many others.

Pomosexual

A term (not necessarily an identity) used to refer to those who reject sexuality labels or don't identify with any of them.

Passing

Passing refers to society's perceptions and assumptions of someone's sexuality or gender.

Specifically, this term is most commonly used to discuss the frequency and extent to which an LGBTQIA+ person is perceived as or assumed to be straight or cisgender.

It's important to note that some LGBTQIA+ people have the desire to pass while others do not. In fact, the act of being perceived as straight or cisgender can be a source of discomfort and discrimination for some in the LGBTQIA+ community.

Queer

An umbrella term that describes individuals who aren't exclusively heterosexual. The term queer (the Q in LBGTQIA+), acknowledges that sexuality is a spectrum as opposed to a collection of independent and mutually exclusive categories.

Use of the word queer opens up options beyond lesbian, gay, and bisexual to individuals who don't fit neatly into these categories or prefer a category that isn't dependent on sex and gender.

While this term once had negative and derogatory connotations, queer has resurfaced as a common and socially acceptable way for LGBTQIA+ individuals to refer to themselves and their community.

Despite its growing use, some people still have negative associations with the word queer and don't like to be referred to in this way. Queer, like all terms describing sexuality, should be used sensitively and respectfully.

Questioning

The process of being curious about or exploring some aspect of sexuality or gender. Questioning can also be used as an adjective to describe someone who's currently exploring their sexuality or gender.

Romantic attraction

The experience of having an emotional response that results in the desire for a romantic, but not necessarily sexual, relationship or interaction with another person or oneself.

Some people experience romantic attraction but don't experience sexual attraction.

Romantic orientation

Romantic orientation is an aspect of self and identity that involves:

how you identify

the way you experience romantic desire (if you do)

the gender(s) or sex(es) of the people who someone engages in romantic relationships with (if any)

the gender(s) or sex(es) of the people someone is romantically attracted to (if any)

Sapiosexual

A word used to describe those who experience attraction based on intelligence, rather than sex or gender.

Sexual attraction

Sexual attraction refers to experiencing sexual desire or arousal in relation to another person or group of people.

Sex-averse

Sex-averse describes those who are asexual and are averse to or extremely disinterested in sex or sexual behavior.

Sex-favorable

On the spectrum of asexuality, sex-favorable is viewed as the "opposite" of sex-repulsed and describes those who are asexual, and in certain situations can have favorable or positive feelings toward sex.

Sex-indifferent

Sex-indifferent describes those who are asexual and feel indifferent or neutral about sex or sexual behavior.

Sexual orientation or sexuality

Sexual orientation or sexuality is an aspect of self that involves:

how you identify

the way you experience sexual or romantic desire (if you do)

the gender(s) or sex(es) of the people who someone engages in sexual or romantic activity with (if any)

the gender(s) or sex(es) of the people someone is attracted to (if any)

Sexuality can change over the course of someone's life and in different situations. It's understood to be a spectrum instead of a series of mutually exclusive categories.

Sex-repulsed

Similar to sex-averse, sex-repulsed is on the spectrum of asexuality and describes those who are asexual and are repulsed by or extremely disinterested in sex or sexual behavior.

Skoliosexual

A sexual orientation that describes those who are sexually attracted to people with non-cisgender gender identities, such as people who are nonbinary, genderqueer, or trans.

Spectrasexual

A term that describes people who are sexually or romantically attracted to multiple or varied sexes, genders, and gender identities - but not necessarily all or any.

Straight

Also known as heterosexual, straight describes people who experience sexual, romantic, or emotional attraction to individuals of the "opposite" gender (e.g. male vs. female, man vs. woman) or a different gender.

People who identify as cisgender and transgender can be straight.

It's okay to feel unsure or overwhelmed by all of the labels we now have to describe sexual and romantic orientation, attraction, and behavior.

Expanding the language you use to describe your sexuality can provide important guidance, validation, and access to community while on your journey of sexual self-discovery and satisfaction.
Mere Abrams is a researcher, writer, educator, consultant, and licensed clinical social worker who reaches a worldwide audience through public speaking, publications, social media (), and gender therapy and support services practice onlinegendercare.com. Mere uses their personal experience and diverse professional background to support individuals exploring gender and help institutions, organizations, and businesses to increase gender literacy and identify opportunities to demonstrate gender inclusion in products, services, programs, projects, and content.

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46 Terms That Describe Sexual Attraction, Behavior & Orientation

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Sexuality has to do with the way you identify, how you experience sexual and romantic attraction (if you do), and your interest in and preferences around sexual and romantic relationships and behavior. Who your sexual or romantic partner is at a given moment in time doesn't necessarily define this part of who you are.

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https://www.healthline.com/health/what-is-asexual#how-to-tell-others

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Someone who is asexual experiences little to no sexual attraction.

Sexual attraction, in basic terms, means you find a specific person sexually appealing and want to have sex with them.

Asexual people, who might use the term "ace" or "aces" for short, typically don't experience sexual attraction or want to pursue sexual relationships with other people.

That said, being asexual means different things to different people.

Some people might only experience sexual attraction in very limited circumstances. For example, someone who is demisexual - which some say falls under the asexual umbrella - experiences sexual attraction only when they experience a deep connection.

To put it another way, they might only feel sexually attracted to people in the context of a loving romantic relationship.

Some people might not experience any sexual attraction and still choose to have a sexual relationship.

To put it simply, everyone has a different experience with being asexual, and there's no single way to be asexual.

Some people don't experience sexual attraction at all

Asexual people who don't experience any sexual attraction can still experience other forms of attraction.

Aside from sexual attraction, you can also experience:

Romantic attraction: desiring a romantic relationship with someone

Aesthetic attraction: being attracted to someone based on how they look

Sensual or physical attraction: wanting to touch, hold, or cuddle someone

Platonic attraction: wanting to be friends with someone

Emotional attraction: wanting an emotional connection with someone

It's possible for asexual people to experience all these forms of attraction, plus plenty of others.

You'll find a whopping 37 terms to describe different types of attraction here.

Wondering exactly what it means to be asexual? Here are the basics.

Asexual people can have a sex drive and experience sexual desire

There's a difference between libido, sexual desire, and sexual attraction.

Libido. Also known as your "sex drive," libido involves wanting to have sex and experience sexual pleasure and sexual release. For some people, it might feel a little like wanting to scratch an itch.

Sexual desire. This refers to the desire to have sex, whether it's for pleasure, a personal connection, conception, or something else.

Sexual attraction. This involves finding someone sexually appealing and wanting to have sex with them.

Plenty of people who aren't asexual have a low libido and may not desire sex. Similarly, many asexual people still have a libido and might experience sexual desire.

Asexual people might still masturbate or have sex.

After all, sexuality doesn't always mean someone doesn't enjoy sex. It just means they don't experience sexual attraction.

An asexual person might want to have sex for plenty of reasons, including:

to satisfy their libido

to conceive children

to make their partner happy

to experience the physical pleasure of sex

to show and receive affection

for the sensual pleasure of sex, including touching and cuddling

Of course, some asexual people have little to no sex drive or sexual desire - and that's also OK since asexuality means different things to different people.

Many asexual people desire and have romantic relationships

An asexual person might not experience sexual attraction, but they could certainly experience romantic attraction.

An asexual person could be romantically attracted to people of the same gender, people of another gender, or people of multiple genders.

Many asexual people want - and have - romantic relationships. They might build these romantic relationships with other asexual people, or with people who aren't asexual.

Asexual people may engage in sexual intimacy with partners

As mentioned, some asexual people do have sex, because sexual desire differs from sexual attraction.

In other words, you might not look at someone and feel the need to have sex with them, but you might still want to have sex on occasion.

Every asexual person is different. Some might feel repulsed by sex, some might feel nonchalant about it, and some might enjoy it.

Sexuality is a spectrum

Many people view sexuality as a spectrum.

Asexuality can be a spectrum too, with some people experiencing no sexual attraction, others experiencing a little sexual attraction, and others experiencing a lot of sexual attraction.

Graysexual people rarely experience sexual attraction, or they experience it at a very low intensity. As the Asexual Visibility & Education Network (AVEN) explains, many people recognize graysexuality as a midpoint between sexuality and asexuality.

Sexual attraction and desire aren't the same as romantic attraction and desire

Wanting to have sex with someone is different from wanting a romantic relationship with them.

Similarly, it's important to remember that just as sexual attraction differs from romantic attraction, sexual desire also differs from romantic desire.

You can desire a romantic relationship without also desiring sex and vice versa.

Some people prefer nonromantic relationships

Some asexual people have no interest in romantic relationships.

As asexual people experience little to no sexual attraction, aromantic people experience little to no romantic attraction. Some - but not all - asexual people are aromantic.

Queerplatonic, a word that originated in the asexual and aromantic communities, offers one way to describe nonromantic relationships.

According to AVEN, a queerplatonic relationship is a very close relationship. Though it doesn't involve romance, people in a queerplatonic relationship are just as committed as those in a romantic relationship.

Anybody can have a queerplatonic relationship, no matter their sexual or romantic orientation.

Some find their capacity for attraction or desire shifts over time

Many people consider their identity somewhat fluid.

One day, they might feel like they're asexual because they experience little or no sexual attraction. Weeks or months later, they might feel a shift and find they experience sexual attraction more often.

Similarly, someone might identify with the term heterosexual or bisexual, then later realize they're asexual.

This doesn't mean they were wrong or confused before. It also doesn't mean sexual orientation is a "phase" or something you'll grow out of.

Now, let's clear up a few of the myths around asexuality.

It means celibacy or abstinence

Many people falsely believe asexuality is the same thing as celibacy or abstinence.

Abstinence is about deciding not to have sex. This is usually temporary. Someone may choose to abstain from sex:

until they get married

during a difficult period in their life

Celibacy is about deciding to abstain from sex, and possibly marriage, for a longer period of time. Many people make a lifelong commitment to celibacy for religious, cultural, or personal reasons.

One key difference lies in the fact that abstinence and celibacy represent choices. Asexuality does not.

What's more, asexual people might not actually abstain from sex at all - and people who choose celibacy or abstinence can certainly experience sexual attraction.

It's a medical condition

Many people think there is something "wrong" with asexual people.

The world seems to assume that everyone feels sexual attraction. As a result, asexual people might worry there's something wrong with them if they don't feel that same attraction.

But asexuality isn't a medical concern or something that needs to be fixed.

It should go without saying, but being asexual isn't the same thing as experiencing:

Anyone can develop one or more of these conditions, regardless of their sexual orientation.

It only happens because someone can't find the right partner

Some well-meaning people may assume asexual people will feel sexual attraction when they meet the "right" person - but that's not how asexuality works. It's not a matter of finding love or romance.

As a matter of fact, many asexual people desire romantic relationships - and many asexual people have happy healthy romantic relationships.

Romance doesn't have to involve sex, just as sex doesn't require romance.

A romantic relationship where one partner is asexual and the other isn't can absolutely work - with plenty of honest communication. Not much different from any other healthy relationship, right?

If you're asexual, you'll want to talk to your partner about the types of sexual activity you're open to (if any) plus any other boundaries you have around sex.

Maybe you and your partner both want a long-term romantic relationship, but your partner has a much higher sex drive. You might try an open relationship, where your partner has other sexual partners but maintains an emotional commitment to you.

What's most important is that both partners express their needs honestly and recognize that while sexual attraction can shift over time, it may not. So, it generally won't help to assume an asexual partner will suddenly experience sexual attraction.

Keep in mind, too, that it's OK (and very healthy) to have a high sex drive and want to have sex often. Sometimes, people simply aren't compatible. If your partner is asexual and doesn't want to have sex, but they aren't willing to consider an open relationship, you might want to consider whether the relationship meets your needs (which are entirely valid, too).

As with homosexuality or bisexuality, there's no underlying "cause" of asexuality. It's just the way someone is.

Asexuality isn't genetic, the result of trauma, or caused by anything else.

That said, if you experience any distress as a result of your orientation, or you feel uncertain about your orientation or what your lack of sexual attraction might mean, talking to a compassionate, LGBTQIA+ affirming therapist can help.

Although you can't take a specific test to figure out whether you're asexual or not, you can ask yourself a few key questions to evaluate your desires and consider whether they align with common asexual characteristics.

Some questions to consider:

What does sexual attraction mean to me?

Do I experience sexual attraction?

How do I feel about the concept of sex?

Do I feel like I should have interest in sex only because others expect it?

Is sex important to me?

Do I see attractive people and feel the need to have sex with them?

How do I enjoy showing affection? Does sex factor in?

These questions don't have any "right" or "wrong" answers, but they can help you think about your sexuality.

If you realize you're asexual, you might wonder how to explain your orientation to the people in your life, particularly those who may be less familiar with the term.

You can always start by explaining that asexuality is an orientation, just like being gay, queer, or pansexual. Some people have an attraction to people of one gender, others to people of many genders, and some don't experience sexual attraction at all.

Family or friends might worry asexuality means you'll never have a loving relationship, so you can also reassure them that you won't be lonely - you can and do experience the desire for friendship and other close bonds.

It can also help to keep in mind you don't have to explain yourself to anyone if you don't want to. Your romantic and sexual desires (or lack thereof) are your business. That said, many people find that being open about their sexuality helps them live more authentically.

Of course, you'll definitely want to share your orientation with someone you have a romantic interest in.
Get more tips on dating as an asexual person here.
Maybe you experience a little sexual attraction or none at all. The way you define your sexuality, orientation, and identity is your choice, and only you get to decide what asexual means to you.

Ultimately, you can always choose the identifier(s) you're most comfortable with for yourself. If you decide not to use any labels to describe yourself, that's OK, too!

Want to learn more? Read up about asexuality and chat with members of the asexual community online at the:
Sian Ferguson is a freelance writer and editor based in Cape Town, South Africa. Her writing covers issues relating to social justice, cannabis, and health. You can reach out to her on .

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Someone who is asexual experiences little to no sexual attraction. Sexual attraction, in basic terms, means you find a specific person sexually appealing and want to have sex with them. Asexual people, who might use the term "ace" or "aces" for short, typically don't experience sexual attraction or want to pursue sexual relationships with other people.

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Q for context: were clients a couple before coming out as ace to one another? Or are they best friends who decided to get married because they are ace?

-Counselor could encourage the couple to create their own definition of sexual health. They might be very happy and fulfilled with their situation and not need intervention for their sexual health.

-Clients have come out as ace of their own accord, implying confidence in sexual identities. Counselor could provide affirmations of this strength, psychoeducation about asexuality, and inquire how their senses of identity (individual and a couple) might have changed since acknowledging their asexuality.

-Psychoeducation about the distinctions between sexuality and romance; clients are best friends. Do they feel romance for one another?

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A couple that feels themselves to be best friends admits to one another that they aren’t and have never really been interested in sex. They decide to live together as husband and wife in an asexual arrangement.

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Instead of saying that everyone has the right to sex, perhaps we should change the language to say that everyone has the right to choose how and if they want to behave sexually.

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It's important to remember that asexuality is an umbrella term, and exists on a spectrum. Asexual people - also known as "Ace" or "Aces" - may have little interest in having sex, even though most desire emotionally intimate relationships. Within the ace community there are many ways for people to identify.

Here are just a few common terms to explore:

Demisexual: People who only experience sexual attraction once they form a strong emotional connection with another person.

Grey-A: People who identify somewhere between sexual and asexual.

Queerplatonic: People who experience a type of non-romantic relationship where there is an intense emotional connection that goes beyond a traditional friendship.

Aces commonly use hetero-, homo-, bi-, and pan- in front of the word romantic to describe who they experience romantic attraction to. For example, a person who is hetero-romantic might be attracted to people of a different sex or gender, but not in a sexual way.

FAQ

1. My friends talk about sex all the time, but I don't feel any desire to be with someone in that way. Is it normal to not feel any sexual attraction towards other people?

2. I am romantically attracted to boys and girls, but I don't want to be with them physically. Can I be bisexual and asexual?

3. I kissed my boyfriend for the first time and it was gross! Does this mean I am asexual?

4. How do I tell my partner/the person I like that I am asexual?

5. People are telling me that something is wrong with me now that I've come out as asexual. Even worse, some are saying that asexuality doesn't exist. How can I help them understand me?

Answer:
Yes, it is completely normal to not feel sexual attraction towards other people. Love doesn't have to equal sex! You can have strong, meaningful relationships with friends or partners that don't necessarily involve a sexual connection. In fact, there is a huge spectrum of identities and sexualities out there that can help describe different kinds of attraction. We encourage you to learn more about identities like asexuality, which may help you feel more at ease about not feeling sexually attracted to others. Remember, nothing is set in stone, and you don't have to label yourself with a term unless you're ready. Your feelings may or may not change over time, and that is completely okay!
Question 2: I am romantically attracted to boys and girls, but I don't want to be with them physically. Can I be bisexual and asexual?
Answer:
Absolutely! Because you feel romantically attracted to others, you may feel comfortable using the term "romantic" instead of "sexual," then adding "bi-" to show that you're attracted to both boys and girls. This creates a term that's commonly used in the asexual and ace community: "biromantic." Another term for you to explore could be panromantic, which describes a person who is romantically attracted to others, but their attraction is not limited by the other person's sex or gender.
Question 3: I kissed my boyfriend for the first time and it was gross! Does this mean I am asexual?
Answer:
Not necessarily. There are a lot of things that make up our identity, and who we are physically and romantically attracted to can be discovered over time in many different ways. It sounds like you are listening to yourself and are in touch with your feelings - that's an awesome first step! What you experienced is perfectly normal, even though being grossed out by your first kiss might have been confusing.

People who identify as asexual experience little or no sexual attraction to others. Asexual people, or "aces," often identify somewhere on a spectrum that includes their emotional, spiritual and romantic attraction to other people.

It might be helpful to think about how you feel about your boyfriend, too. How do you feel about him romantically, spiritually, and emotionally? Remember, love does not automatically equal sex or being physical. In fact, there are many happy, healthy relationships that don't involve those things.

So, are you asexual? That's up to you to decide, because you know yourself best! You might do some more research and find out that "asexual" is a good way to describe yourself - or, you may find another term that fits your feelings better. Give yourself time and space to explore what you are feeling. You are not alone!
Question 4: How do I tell my partner/the person I like that I am asexual?
Answer:
This is a tough question, and there isn't any easy answer. Coming out to ANYONE can be scary, and many people in the ace community face specific risks when coming out, like being rejected by a partner or love interest. Some aces even voice fears of never finding a partner who will accept them for who they are. However, there is a whole community out there that is able to offer support. We recommend checking out AVEN. The Trevor Project also has a great resource for coming out called "Coming Out As YOU!" available at: thetrevorproject.org/resources/guide/the-coming-out-handbook/.

You deserve love and happiness, and we hope that you will find someone who will love you for the amazing, whole person that you are! You should NEVER feel pressured to have sex with someone if you don't want to, no matter how much you like them. If someone doesn't accept you for being asexual, then they might not be the right person for you.
Question 5: People are telling me that something is wrong with me now that I've come out as asexual - even worse, some are saying that asexuality doesn't exist. How can I help them understand me?
Answer:
It sounds like you are honestly and bravely sharing your feelings with the people you love and depend on, but that they aren't hearing, understanding or validating you. That's really tough, especially because having the support of family and friends can make such a huge difference as we're discovering who we are. We want you to know that being asexual is completely valid and normal, and that you have our full support!

It might help to explain to the people in your life that asexuality is a sexual orientation just like being bi, gay, lesbian, pan, or straight - it all comes down to how you are attracted to other people, in what ways. Remind them that you can have strong, meaningful relationships with friends or partners, even if you aren't being physical with them. You can also try and connect them with some resources, like the ones at the bottom of this page, so they can do some research on their own.

Ultimately, we can't change how other people respond to us, or force them to understand who we are. What we can do is share our stories and make meaningful connections with others who are ready to accept us for who we are. You are an amazing gift to the world, and we are so happy that you are being authentically YOU!

Resources

Through The Trevor Support Center, you are able to link to other websites which are not under the control of The Trevor Project. The Trevor Project does not review or ensure the accuracy of the content on other sites.

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Understanding Asexuality - The Trevor Project

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It's important to remember that asexuality is an umbrella term, and exists on a spectrum. Asexual people - also known as "Ace" or "Aces" - may have little interest in having sex, even though most desire emotionally intimate relationships. Within the ace community there are many ways for people to identify.

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https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-sex-ed/id1440228794

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53 episodes

Explore sex, health, and consciousness with your host Liz Goldwyn, founder of TheSexEd.com.

The Sex Ed is a digital platform dedicated to sex, health and consciousness. We are here to educate, inform and inspire new discussions around sexual wellness.

Each of our (s)experts have over 10,000 hours of experience in their respective fields. From clinical sexology and kink, to mindful meditation and sexual medicine— our goal is to help cultivate a deeper understanding, openness and acceptance of sex, health and consciousness.

The Sex Ed is committed to answering your questions about sexual health and wellness with up to date, practical advice and resources.

Explore sex, health, and consciousness with your host Liz Goldwyn, founder of TheSexEd.com.

The Sex Ed is a digital platform dedicated to sex, health and consciousness. We are here to educate, inform and inspire new discussions around sexual wellness.

Each of our (s)experts have over 10,000 hours of experience in their respective fields. From clinical sexology and kink, to mindful meditation and sexual medicine— our goal is to help cultivate a deeper understanding, openness and acceptance of sex, health and consciousness.

The Sex Ed is committed to answering your questions about sexual health and wellness with up to date, practical advice and resources.

DEC 22, 2021

Sound Bath

Sound Bath

Liz Goldwyn is joined by sound healer Soulei Goe for a sound bath. A sound bath is a meditative experience that uses sound frequencies to induce a state of tranquility in the body and brain.Sound healing can bring our internal biorhythm into a deep state of rest, and help us turn inwards, dream, even have visions or strong meditative experiences. We encourage you to let go during this special edition release of The Sex Ed podcast, let the sound wash over you and flow with the experience…be sure to follow us on IG @TheSexEd and visit TheSexEd.com for more.

DEC 15, 2021

Orgasmic Breath Meditation

Orgasmic Breath Meditation

Liz Goldwyn guides you through a meditation designed to help breathe your way to orgasmic bliss with this special edition release of The Sex Ed podcast. Access the pleasure power of your breath and pelvic floor muscles and learn to bring yourself to orgasm… hands free! Follow us on IG @TheSexEd and visit TheSexEd.com for more.

JUN 30, 2020

SEASON FINALE: Celibacy

SEASON FINALE: Celibacy

What do you imagine when you hear the word celibacy? A monk taking a vow of chastity? Someone denying themselves pleasure? Do you think of incels posting misogynistic threads to Reddit in the dark? Do you imagine someone saving themselves for marriage or God? Do you think that if you go too long without penetrative sex, you’ll grow cobwebs? Do you consider celibacy the absence of all orgasms - including masturbation? Have you ever gone through a period of self-imposed celibacy? For our season three finale, Liz dives deep into the topic of CELIBACY with the help of some friends: Dr. Kate Lister, Shan Boodram, Weezy & Mandii of the Whoreible Decisions Podcast, Money Mark, Carolyn Murphy, Ramy Youssef, Bebe Buell, Mykki Blanco, Joanna Angel, Riley Reid, Kenneth Play, Justin Simien, Brianda Agramonte, and Alessandro Michele. Be sure to follow us on IG @TheSexEd and visit TheSexEd.com for more!

JUN 23, 2020

SEX, DRUGS, & ROCK’N’ROLL feat. Bebe Buell & Pamela Des Barres

SEX, DRUGS, & ROCK’N’ROLL feat. Bebe Buell & Pamela Des Barres

This week on The Sex Ed podcast, we're celebrating our 50th episode with an homage to Sex, Drugs & Rock'n'Roll of the 60s and 70s with legends Bebe Buell and Pamela Des Barres.
Pamela Des Barres and Bebe Buell are icons who have written groundbreaking, NY Times bestselling memoirs about their wild times loving and leaving some of the biggest rock stars of their day. Liz spoke with Bebe & Pamela about double standards, STDs, "free love" and the innocence of days gone by. Here's to a summer of love and revolution!
Be sure to follow us on IG @TheSexEd and visit TheSexEd.com for more!

JUN 16, 2020

Harvey Guillén

Harvey Guillén

Harvey Guillén is a GLAAD-award winning actor and producer who currently stars as Guillermo on the FX TV show, What We Do In The Shadows. Harvey joined me to discuss pansexual vampires; fatphobia in the LGBTQ community; sneaking into the 18+ section of Circus of Books as a teenager; and what his dream Hollywood project is. Be sure to follow us on IG @TheSexEd and visit TheSexEd.com for more!

JUN 9, 2020

Justin Simien

Justin Simien

Justin Simien is the creator of the incredible film and Netflix series DEAR WHITE PEOPLE, which is now in its third season, and the upcoming film BAD HAIR. Liz spoke to this renaissance man about queer black cinema; being the target of alt-right trolls; how he learned to market films before he made one; Buddhism; Carl Jung, Terence Nance and more. Be sure to follow us on IG @TheSexEd and visit TheSexEd.com for more!

Customer Reviews

Absolutely loved season 1 & 2

I thought both season 1 & 2 were highly informative and well done. Although I thought season 3 wasn’t quite what I was looking for, the episodes were still well produced and interesting

Cheeky, interesting, and important

In a society where so little is left to actual science and education concerning human sexuality and relevant subjects, resources like the ‘Sex Ex’ and the work they do are priceless and so important to the overall health and well-being of society.

Not just educational, but entertaining and diverse. If one episode isn’t for you, just go onto the next. There is something for everyone.

Please Consider

...not using language like “teaching boys how to process complex emotions”. While it’s good to address the ways our society teaches different skill sets to each gender, you become the prejudice we’re fighting against when you choose sexist and reductionist framing such as this

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- While thinking about the definition, we kept the bio-psycho-social perspective in our mind as these three are crucial for sexual health
- We focused on the holistic view of sexual health, diverse aspects of our clients and also made sure to keep it non-judgmental in nature
- We also had an empathetic approach while thinking of this definition
- Inclusive of disability, sexual orientation, gender identity, culture and overall wellbeing.

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https://www.optionsforsexualhealth.org/facts/sex/what-is-sexual-health/

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Sexual Health is a large term. When we see or hear the word “sexual health,” it is common to focus on the word sex, but did you know that sexual health is so much more than the act of “sex”?

(Disclaimer: please note that the following terms are not fully encompassing of everything that the specific term might include. To learn more about a specific term, please contact Sex Sense, our information and referral service).

Sexual health includes:

Sexuality

Sexuality includes how someone thinks about and expresses themselves as a sexual being, including thoughts, actions, fantasies, sensuality.

Sexual Orientation

Sexual Orientation is who someone is attracted to sexually, emotionally, romantically, including how they identify themselves and express their attraction whether in thoughts and/or behaviours. It also includes asexuality or experiencing no sexual desire and/or attraction which can fall on a spectrum. Sexual orientation can be different from sexual behaviours. Sexual orientation is fluid, and can change over time.

Gender Identity

Gender Identity is how you feel and identify yourself: as a woman, man, both, in between, neither, as two-spirit, transgender or anywhere along the gender spectrum). To learn more visit Trans Care BC.

Gender Expression

Gender Expression is how someone expresses their gender identity or identities. This can be consistent, or change often, depending on the individual.

Body Image

Body Image is how someone sees and what they feel and believe about their body.

Sexual Self-Esteem

Sexual Self-Esteem is how someone sees and what they feel and believe about themselves as a sexual being.

Sexual and Reproductive Health Care

Sexual and Reproductive Health Care includes care, access, and experiences of medical health relating to sexual and reproductive areas such as: STIs and HIV, pap testing, prostate exams, pregnancy testing, birth control, abortion, birth, transgender care, etc.

Reproduction

Reproduction relates to reproductive organs, puberty, menstruation, menopause, pregnancy, birth, adoption, and parenting. This includes trying to prevent pregnancy, birth control, abortion, difficulty becoming pregnant, use of reproductive technologies, miscarriage(s), or other losses of pregnancy or child(ren).

Experiences of unwanted violence and coercion

Experiences of unwanted violence and coercion include sexual abuse, sexual assault, consent, abusive power dynamics, legalities and ability to experience sex/sexual health without intimidation, fear of violence, actual violence whether in relation to personal sexual lives and/or sex work. The term “unwanted” is used to differentiate when violence is unwanted and abusive versus those who may engage in sexual activities that may involve some level of pain and/or playing with power but are doing so from a place of mutual consent and want.

Consent and Boundaries

Consent and Boundaries includes topics such as legal age of consent, understanding consent, and personal boundaries. It also includes knowing how to give and receive consent, as well as knowing how to recognize when consent is not given, whether verbally or non-verbally, and how to respond when consent is not given.

Relationships and Intimacy

Relationships and Intimacy is the part of sexual health that looks at different types of relationships, relationship dynamics, as well as recognizing when relationships are helpful and/or hurtful. Intimacy is a critical part of intimate relationships, but doesn’t always include sex.

Sexual and Reproductive Anatomy

Sexual and Reproductive Anatomy is how the sexual and reproductive parts of our bodies work including any gender-based surgeries, and being intersex.

Pleasure

Pleasure is our ability to receive and experience sexual pleasure whether in our bodies and/or minds. Click here for more information on pleasure.

Sexual Activities

Sexual Activities are the types of things we do sexually and the sexual communities we may belong to. There are a wide range of sexual activities, and what is enjoyable and pleasurable varies from person to person.

Employment

Employment within the sexual health context relates to sex work and the working conditions surrounding sex work.

Our Bodies

Our bodies have a major role to play in our sexual health! Our physical and mental abilities, including the physical changes with puberty, aging, surgery, and illness that impact our experience of sexual health and overall wellbeing. Our sexual bodies evolve from birth until death. Illnesses such as cancer for example may impact our sexual selves.

So Much More!

What other topics can you think of that fit under sexual health?

SEXUAL HEALTH IS A TYPE OF HEALTH

There are many types of health including physical health, mental health, spiritual health, cultural health, social health, financial health, environmental health, etc. Plus all these types of health can impact each other. For instance, if you are trying to prevent pregnancy and are able to access the birth control you need (physical health), this may help to create a more positive mood (emotional health), which may also positively impact your sense of sexual confidence and sexual self-esteem (sexual health).

Sexual health is as valuable as any other type of health. How important it is will be different for each person. Sometimes depending on where you are in the world and your upbringing, sexual health may not be as recognized as other types of health and there may even be shame, embarrassment, fear, and confusion with sexual health. This is very common as there, unfortunately, can be a lot of shame attached to things associated with “sex”. For example, it might feel more comfortable talking about a common cold or flu with family, friends or a doctor than it might be to talk about questions around sexual health. On the other hand, you may be very comfortable talking and learning about sexual health. Take a moment to think about how the topic of sexual health makes you feel?

No matter where you are coming from, WE ARE HERE to help bring Sexual Health into a more positive and empowering place. A place where hopefully you can learn the sexual health information you would like, see or speak to a professional in the field whether on the Sex Sense Line or at one of our many clinics throughout BC, and come away knowing that sexual health is a natural part of being human.

Options for Sexual Health champions and celebrates sexual health including an individual’s freedom of sexual expression, the diversity of human sexuality, and a positive sexual self-image for individuals throughout life.

What influences Sexual Health?

How we define sexual health will be different for each person. The reason is that sexual health is influenced by many personal and social factors such as:

Our values and beliefs

Upbringing

Culture

Religion

Indigenous Status

Spirituality

The people around us

Our personal experiences

Societal expectations

Legal and/or sexual rights

Think about what factors influence your sexual health? What messages have you been given about sexual health from…(if applicable)…..your family? friends? society? culture? religion? spirituality? What are some of your own values and beliefs?

How we experience our sexual health is also part of how we experience the world. For example, there are many factors that health researchers have identified that can impact our health including sexual health. These are known as the ‘social determinants of health’ and include how health is affected by income, education, employment, childhood development, food, housing, health services, gender, race, disability, Indigenous status, social marginalization, and social services. (adapted from http://www.purposesociety.org/health-programs/)

If someone’s gender identity/identities are not recognized this can impact their sexual health and experiences of social marginalization. Another example is if someone is a newcomer to Canada and may not speak the language or have the health care card that will allow them to access the sexual health services they need.

As you can see, our sexual health is as individual and complicated as the various dynamics of our lives.

Human sexuality rarely falls into neat categories or lends itself to simple labeling, but rather is a rich and complex area of human experience.

Sexual health is personal, psychological, relational, cultural, spiritual, physical, and emotional.

So what does “sexual health” mean to you?

Have a question about sexual health?

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What is Sexual Health? - Options for Sexual Health

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The definition of sexual health has progressed since the World Health Organization (WHO) published its original definition in 1975. It is expected that the definition will continue to develop further as the cultural conversation continues to evolve. It is important to remember that any attempts to establish "norms" and an objective definition of sexual health is dangerous in that they could be used to exclude or label people as unhealthy or abnormal.

Chronological history of definitions of sexual health:

World Health Organization (2002):
Sexual health is a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being related to sexuality; it is not merely the absence of disease, dysfunction or infirmity. Sexual health requires a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence. For sexual health to be attained and maintained, the sexual rights of all persons must be respected, protected and fulfilled.

Robinson et al. (2002):
Sexual health is defined as an approach to sexuality founded in accurate knowledge, personal awareness, and self-acceptance, where one's behavior, values and emotions are congruent and integrated within a person's wider personality structure and self-definition. Sexual health involves an ability to be intimate with a partner, to communicate explicitly about sexual needs and desires, to be sexually functional (to have desire, become aroused, and obtain sexual fulfillment), to act intentionally and responsibly, and to set appropriate sexual boundaries. Sexual health has a communal aspect, reflecting not only self-acceptance and respect, but also respect and appreciation for individual differences and diversity, and a feeling of belonging to and involvement in one's sexual culture(s). Sexual health includes a sense of self-esteem, personal attractiveness and competence, as well as freedom from sexual dysfunction, sexually transmitted diseases and sexual assault/coercion. Sexual health affirms sexuality as a positive force, enhancing other dimensions of one's life.

The National Strategy for Sexual Health and HIV (2001):
Sexual health is an important part of physical and mental health. It is a key part of our identity as human beings together with the fundamental human rights to privacy, a family life, and living free from discrimination. Essential elements of good sexual health are equitable relationships and sexual fulfillment with access to information and services to avoid the risk of unintended pregnancy, illness or disease.

Satcher, Surgeon General's Report (2001):
Sexual health is inextricably bound to both physical and mental health. Just as physical and mental health problems can contribute to sexual dysfunction and diseases, those dysfunctions and diseases can contribute to physical and mental health problems. Sexual health is not limited to the absence of disease or dysfunction, nor is its important confined to just the reproductive years. It includes the ability to understand and weigh the risks, responsibilities, outcomes and impacts of sexual actions and to the practice abstinence when appropriate. It includes freedom from sexual abuse and discrimination and the ability to integrate their sexuality into their lives, derive pleasure from it, and to reproduce if they so choose.

Lottes (2000):
Sexual health is the ability of women and men to enjoy and express their sexuality and to do so free from risk of sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancy, coercion, violence and discrimination. In order to be sexually healthy, one must be able to have informed, enjoyable and safe sex, based on self-esteem, a positive approach to human sexuality, and mutual respect in sexual relations. Sexually health experiences enhance life quality and pleasure, personal relationships and communication, and the expression of one's identity.

SIECUS (1995):
Sexual health encompasses sexual development and reproductive health, as well as such characteristics as the ability to develop and maintain meaningful interpersonal relationships, appreciate one's own body, interact with both genders in respectful ways, and express affection, love and intimacy in ways consistent with one's own values.

Pan American Health Organization, World Association of Sexology (1991):
Sexual health is the experience of the ongoing process of physical, psychological and social-cultural well-being related to sexuality. Sexual health is evidenced in the free and responsible expressions of sexual capabilities that foster harmonious personal and social wellness, enriching individual and social life. It is not merely the absence of dysfunction, disease and/or infirmity. For sexual health to be attained and maintained it is necessary that the sexual rights of all people to be recognized and upheld.

Langfeldt and Porter (1986):
Sexuality is an integral part of the personality in everyone: man, woman and child. It is a basic need and an aspect of being human that cannot be separated from other aspects of life. Sexuality is not synonymous with sexual intercourse; it is not about whether we have orgasms or not, and it is not the sum total of our erotic lives. These may be part of our sexuality but equally they may not. Sexuality is so much more: it is in the energy that motivates us to find love, contact, warmth and intimacy. It is expressed in the way we feel, move, touch, and are touched. It is about being sensual as well as being sexual. Sexuality influences thoughts, feelings, actions and interactions and thereby our mental and physical health.

World Health Organization (1975):
Sexual health is the integration of the somatic, emotional, intellectual and social aspects of sexual being, in ways that are positively enriching and that enhance personality, communication and love.

Compiled by Candy Hadsall and Kathy Chinn for MOAPPP conference 2010 from "Defining Sexual Health: A Descriptive Overview" by Edwards and Coleman published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, Vol. 33, No. 3, June 2004, pp. 189-195.

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The definition of sexual health has progressed since the World Health Organization (WHO) published its original definition in 1975. It is expected that the definition will continue to develop further as the cultural conversation continues to evolve.

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https://www.cdc.gov/sexualhealth/Default.html

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The World Health Organization defines sexual health as a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being in relation to sexuality; it is not merely the absence of disease, dysfunction or infirmity. Sexual health requires a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence.[1]

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Find CDC resources to protect your sexual health

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Sexual health can be defined as
-Consent
-Physical, emotional, mental, and social well being
-One's right to have pleasurable and safe sexual experiences
-Free of stigma, violence, and coercion
-Fulfillment, autonomy
-Sex can mean what the individual wants it to mean for example cuddling or kissing
-Access to medical services and psychoeducation
-Inclusiveness of diverse and multicultural sexual health
-Focus on wellness as well as disease prevention
-Sexual health as part of overall health