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Look at me : why attention-seeking is the defining need of our times

결정적인
나를 봐요 : 왜 관심을 추구하는 것이 우리 시대의 결정적인 필요인가.

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Because attention can be harvested only from the minds of other people, and high quality attention won’t come by force.

수확

왜냐하면 관심은 다른 사람의 마음에서만 얻을 수 있고, 관심은 강제로 오지 않을 것이기 때문이다.

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Often a grotesque spirit of belonging exists between them.

때때로 그들 ( 연쇄 살인마) 에게는 기괴한 소속감이 존재한다.

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There is a famous jewish mother joke. You've heard it before.
유명한 유대인 어머니 농담이 있다. 당신은 전에 들어본 적이 있을 것이다.
1410 이가윤

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배신자

He found he'd switch between bursts of activity and guilty silences. "I felt like a hypocrite, like a sellout. It was a big part of why I got unhappy. You feel isolated, but you don't know why."

그는 과도한 활동을 하고 나서 활동이 없을 때 죄책감에 빠져 침묵해 있는 자신을 발견하곤 했다. "내가 위선자나 배신자같다는 느낌이 들었어요. 내가 불행해지는 데에 크게 한몫 했고요. 당신은 당신이 고립되어 있다는 생각이 들지만, 어째서 그런 건지는 모르게 되죠."

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전문적으로 엄선한

The opportunity for positive attention is enormous, but accuracy is the price. "When you present a curated version of yourself to the world, any approval that you get is not for your full and whole self," MacDonald says.

긍정적인 관심을 받을 기회는 많지만, 그 관심의 대가로 정확성을 내주어야 한다. "당신이 골라내고 골라낸(전문적으로 엄선한)(실제 자신과 다른) 사진을 세상에 보여준다면, 그것으로 인해 받는 인정은 당신의 진정한 모습 때문에 받는 것이 아닙니다," 라고 맥도날드가 말했다.

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Paedophile: 소아성애자

Amedy Coulibly, who attacked the kosher supermarket in Paris, kept paedophile material on his computer.

프랑스의 슈퍼마켓인 코셔를 공격한 아메디 쿨리블리는 자신의 컴퓨터에 소아성애적 자료(영상/사진)를 두었다.

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Does it seem likey that they were forced into violence by their devotion to scipture? Or is it more plausible that their violence, which obsesses the world, feeds a craving for attention that they clothe in phoney zealotry?

그들이 성경에 대한 그들의 헌신으로 인해 폭력에 내몰린 것처럼 보이는가? 아니면 세상을 사로잡는 그들의 사악함이 그들이 닫는 관심에 대한 갈망을 불러일으킨다는 것이 더 그럴듯한가?

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Minimum dose: 최소한의

Eventually, the moment may come when we are officially urged to get a minimum dose of offline conversation every week, like exercise or our five a day.

언젠가는, 운동이나 하루 다섯 번과 같은 매주 최소한의 오프라인 대화를 공식적으로 촉구 당하는 순간이 올 수 있다

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Five a day: 하루 중 5번 채소와 과일을 먹는 습관 같은 거

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Some of them simply want someone in an authoritative position to pay attention to their voice.

권위있는

그들 중 일부는 단지 권위 있는 위치에 있는 누군가가 그들의 목소리에 주의를 기울이기를 원한다.

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Sadly, some people feel not just ignored by their ex, but ostracised by the whole world. For them, life with almost no attention is sheer torture.

안타깝게도, 몇몇 사람들은 그들의 전애인에 의해서 무시당한다고 느낄뿐만아니라, 전세계로 부터 배척당한다고 느낀다. 그들에게 관심이 없는 인생은 완전 고문이다.

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논란이 많은

This is not controversial, nor is it hard to understand.

이것은 논란의 여지도 없고 이해하기도 어려운 것도 않다.

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But the idea must be slippery, because it will not stick.
그러나 그 생각은 믿기 힘들 것이디. 왜냐하면 그것은 고착되지 않을 것이기 때문이다.
Slippery 믿기 힘든

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Like stalking, this is a crime that seems utterly irrational. Usually it suffices to say that the killer was angry, perhaps just insane.

스토킹 처럼 이것은 완전히 비합리적인것으로 보이는 범죄다. 대부분 그 킬러가 그냥 화났거나 미쳤다고 말하면 충분하다.

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~로 만들어내다
But we can’t know what to make of it until we understand what people need attention for.
그러나 우리는 사람들이 무엇을 위해 관심이 필요한지 이해하기 전까지 그것으로 뭘 만들지 모른다.

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멸종된
Attention is other people thinking about you, and if there were ever humans who didn’t need it, they are now extinct.
관심은 너에 대한 다른 사람의 생각이다, 그리고 만약 그것을 필요로 하지 않는 사람이 한번이라도 있었다면, 그들은 지금 멸종되었다.

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If we could keep in mind that people need attention, it would change the way we see almost everything they do, from art to crime, from romance to terrorism.
만약 우리가 사람들이 관심을 필요로 한다는 것을 기억할 수 있다면, 그것은 예술에서 범죄, 로맨스에서 테러에 이르기까지 그들이 하는 거의 모든 것을 보는 우리의 방식을 바꿀 것이다.
terrorism 테러리즘, 테러

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Abraham Maslow put belonging into his famous hierarchy of needs in 1943.

Abraham Maslow는 1943년에 그의 유명한 욕구 계층에 소속을 두었다
매슬로의 욕구계층 - 인간의 욕구가 그 중요도별로 일련의 단계를 형성한다는 동기 이론  1410 이가윤

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비만

People who feel they don't belong suffer terribly, and experience health problems comparable to smoking or obesity.

자신이 소속되어 있지 않다고 느끼는 사람들은 끔찍하게 고통을 받고, 흡연이나 비만과 비슷한 건강 문제를 경험한다

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인류학

In anthropological terms it's a gift economy

인류학적으로 말하면 그것은 선물 경제이다.

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호혜 - 상호간 혜택을 주고받는 일

"You're creating bonds of reciprocity which is where the belonging comes from." This means only you have as much high-quality attention as people want to give you.

"당신은 호혜적인 관계를 맺고 있는 거고, 그곳에서 소속감이 만들어지는(나오는) 거예요." 이 말은 사람들이 당신에게 관심을 주고 싶은 만큼만 당신이 관심을 받는다는 뜻입니다.

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Seek positive attention too openly and you get called “narcissist”. Seek attention from your family with great displays of wanting to be ignored, and they’ll put you in a Jewish mother joke.

너무 개방적으로 긍정적 관심을 찾는다면 너는 나르시시스트라고 불릴것이고. 너의 무시당하고 싶은 이미지가 강한 가족으로 부터 관심을 찾는다면 너를 유대인 어머니들을 풍자하는 말장난을 들을 것이다.

유대인 어머니들은 주로 시끄럽고, 까다롭고, 지배적이면서 너무 과도하게 사랑을 주는 이미지를 가지고 있다.
그래서 전구 드립에서도 전구를 갈아 끼우는데 유대인 엄마가 몇명 필요하냐고 하면 아..아니에요 그냥 차라리 어둡게 있을게요,,,
느낌으로 답을 한다. 관심을 너무 과도하게 주기에.

기존의 Q:How many human beings does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six billion and one. One to hold the light bulb and six billion to screw the earth.
이런 말장난에서 변형 된것.

https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/battling-stereotypes-of-the-jewish-mother/

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The Jewish Mother. A stereotype so familiar that the words conjure up a universal caricature: a middle-aged woman with a nasal New York accent and ample bosom, who either sweats over a steaming pot of matzah balls while screaming at her kids from across the house. Or, in an updated version, she sits poolside in Florida, jangling her diamonds and guilt-tripping her grown children into calling her more often. The Jewish mother wants her daughter to marry a Jewish doctor and her son to love her best of all. She is sacrificing yet demanding, manipulative and tyrannical, devoted and ever-present. She loves her children fiercely, but man, does she nag.

Where did this Jewish mother come from, and how did she become such a cultural fixture, shorthand for all that is excessive and smothering in familial love? Her predecessor, the Yiddishe Mama, carried little of the negative cultural weight of the Jewish mother and was celebrated in the shtetls of Eastern Europe and the American immigrant neighborhoods at the turn of the 20th century. The Yiddishe Mama was a balabusta, a sentimentalized figure, a good mother and homemaker, known for her strength and creativity, entrepreneurialism and hard work, domestic miracles and moral force. If the Yiddishe Mama was anxious, this was to be expected-after all, who could blame her? Centuries of anti-Semitism plus the challenges of immigrant life justified her intense mothering style and lionized her willful ways. The Yiddishe Mama reminded Jews of the Old World and was synonymous with nostalgia and longing.

But while the Yiddishe Mama and her selfless child-rearing contributed to the success and upward mobility of the American Jewish family, the Jewish mother stereotype didn't fare so well in this cultural shift. As she rose into the middle class, the Jewish mother's anxiety level seemed excessive and out of sync with the new suburban reality. Adopting middle class domestic norms, she gave up her own work outside of the home and increasingly, even desperately, sought status and fulfillment through her children. With some modicum of newfound wealth, she was now represented as entitled and overbearing, showy and loud. She became the scapegoat for Jewish ambivalence and anxiety about assimilation, simultaneously representing those Jewish traits that seemed to resist acculturation and held responsible for the materialism that came with success. By mid-century, the Jewish mother was primarily identified by negative characteristics, tinged with Jewish self-hatred and misogyny.

Though it's been generations since she first appeared on the scene, the Jewish mother stereotype still finds its way into popular culture year after year, ranging from the viral YouTube series, " Sh*t Jewish Mothers Say," to Caren Chesler's June 2013 New York Times column about Jewish motherhood via IVF. And there's more. Barbra Streisand played the intrusive, nagging New Jersey Jewish mother character Joyce Brewster in the 2012 Seth Rogen comedy Guilt Trip, and we all suffered while watching the coiffed and coutured real-life Jewish moms on Bravo's reality program, The Princesses of Long Island. And let's not forget Mrs. Wolowitz, Howard's Jewish mother on the hit CBS show The Big Bang Theory. Though she never appears on screen, her obnoxious and demanding voice makes her presence clear. Literature, film, television, comedy-the Jewish Mother is there. She even has her own Wikipedia entry.

Although the details may differ, the stereotype, in all of its various fashions, is not pretty. What's clearest about the Jewish mother is that she's way over-determined and not someone most of us set out to emulate. And yet... there she is, whether we like it or not. Like Woody Allen's hovering Jewish mother in the sky in the short film Oedipus Wrecks, the stereotype is annoyingly ubiquitous, elbowing her way into conversation-or our own psyches-just when we least expect it.

Maybe that's because every mother, Jewish or not, can relate to aspects of that mother. We've all loved our children to the point of smothering them, been overly anxious, and wrapped ourselves in the mantle of martyrdom from time to time. And so it follows that over the course of the 20th century, the Jewish mother has come to stand in for all mothers, combining the worst of both Jews and women into a toxic mix. Today, "we are all Jewish mothers," as Joyce Antler put it in You Never Call! You Never Write!: A History of the Jewish Mother-which means we are all guilty of the kind of over-involvement and hysteria once attributed to Jewish mothers in particular.

The latest headlines, sound bites, and cultural trends seem to suggest that motherhood is in a state of crisis. We're either "leaning in" and abandoning our kids to nannies, or we're "opting out" to stay at home and steam sweet potatoes. We're obsessing over whether we can have it all (we can't), whether breast is best (depends), and whether dads matter (they do). We're "Helicopter Moms," "Tiger Moms," "Attachment Moms," and "Lazy Moms." We have inspected, dissected, discussed, and critiqued these various forms of mothering. And yet, the stereotype of the "Jewish Mother" sits, untouched, unexamined, unquestioned. To date, no one has turned their critical focus to the enduring caricature and how its lingering presence impacts actual Jewish mothers today.

This oversight means that scores of Jewish mothers find themselves with no recognizable public role model, no realistic figure with whom to identify. The borscht belt Bubbe who appears on TV may be familiar, but she doesn't describe or speak to our modern realities. The distance between that character and our own lives is vast-and our impulse may be to emphasize that distance, rather than try to bridge it.

And yet, there is a need to identify, to honor that which we love, to feel pride in our heritage, and to be articulate about its strengths. So what's a modern Jewish mother to do? How can we define ourselves in a way that is authentic, empowering, and relevant? How can we hold fast to this privileged title, but reinterpret it in a way that's inclusive, updated, realistic, and meaningful?

Jewish mothers in the 21st century are embracing traditional practices and rituals, walking away from those that don't make sense to us, and creating new ones along the way. We are always seeking and questioning the best way to parent, trying to balance our life decisions with shifting social norms, sometimes bucking conventions, sometimes adhering to them, always trying to do what is right for our children and for ourselves. Through it all, we are struggling with what it means to be a contemporary mother AND to be a Jewish mother today-complicating an already complex dynamic by examining the very notion of what it means to be Jewish, in all of the 21st century permutations.

Yet we remain Jewish mothers, in ways explicit or unarticulated, confident or ambivalent. We hang in there because we find great meaning in our shared history, in a tradition that has sustained individuals and families through centuries of persecution and survival. We find joy in welcoming our children and celebrating holidays, comfort in enjoying the foods and music of our childhoods and communities, and healing in our times of grief. Or maybe we just stick with it because our mothers did-or because they didn't. Whatever the reason, our journeys through motherhood and Judaism can be exciting and empowering; connecting to our past and our values (even if sometimes we find more questions than answers) can help ground us in an age of seemingly endless possibilities for shaping a life and raising children.

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Adina Kay-Gross, Carla Naumburg, and Judith Rosenbaum

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Battling Stereotypes of the Jewish Mother | My Jewish Learning

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The Jewish Mother. A stereotype so familiar that the words conjure up a universal caricature: a middle-aged woman with a nasal New York accent and ample bosom, who either sweats over a steaming pot of matzah balls while screaming at her kids from across the house.

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But the idea that lonely people don't deserve attention comes to us instinctively, as when we see an empty restaurant with a busy one next door.

하지만 우리는 옆에 바쁜 식당이 있는 빈 식당을 볼 때처럼, 외로운 사람들은 관심을 받을 자격이 없다는 생각이 본능적으로 떠오른다. 1410 이가윤

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관계가 없는
The word loneliness is a good description of the feeling, but not its cause, which in reality has little to do with being alone.
단어 외로움은 좋은 감정의 묘사이지만, 그것의 원인은 아니며, 실제로 혼자있는 것과는 관계가 없다.

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Social media is bewitching because there's time to lie, not like in real life.

소셜 미디어는 현실과 달리 거짓말을 할 시간이 있기 때문에 매혹적이다.

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When we talk more freely about our attention-seeking, maybe then at last we’ll get the attention we need.
우리가 관심을 추구하는 것에 대해 더 자유롭게 이야기할 때, 아마도 우리는 마침내 우리가 필요로 하는 관심을 얻을 수 있을 것이다.
Attention-seeking 관심을 추구하다.