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frame still

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silicone molds

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for the films i experimented with layers and emboss to create an ethereal effect, the music used in part 2 is oro mo bhaidin by mary o'hara, a significant part of many irish peoples childhood

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john chartres (1986) - northern ireland scrapbook

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kenneth neill (1979) - an illustrated history of the irish people

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emyr estyn evans (1977) - the irish world

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charles messenger (1985) - northern ireland and the troubles

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val williams & brigitte lardinois (2005) - magnum ireland

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Results indicated that a minority of patients, around 15%, reported experiencing comfort from suicidal cognitions and that comfort was associated with several markers of a more severe clinical profile including both worst ever prior suicidal ideation and worst suicidal ideation over a 12 month follow-up period

One type of relationship to suicidal cognition which has received relatively little attention in the literature is the extent to which individuals gain comfort or relief from their suicidal cognitions.

Comfort from suicidal thoughts was associated in univariate analyses with more severe worst ever suicidal ideation, with having an onset of depression in adolescence, with being suicidal in more than one episode of depression, and at trend level, with being suicidal in the first episode of depression. These findings confirm the hypothesis that comfort from suicide is associated with a more severe clinical picture with the results showing that, as predicted, degree of comfort with suicidal cognition was associated with worse suicidal ideation during follow-up

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More people have taken their own lives in Northern Ireland since the Good Friday agreement than were killed in political violence during the Troubles between 1969 and 1997, the latest regional figures on suicide reveal.

The statistics on the state of mental health in the region show that since the peace deal about 4,500 suicides were registered in the region.

An estimated 3,600 people died in shootings, bombings and other killings during the Troubles.

“We cannot achieve a peaceful society in Northern Ireland without peaceful minds,” Elliott said. “If we invest in mental health support and work together to prevent mental health problems, then mental health will be an asset for our society. The failure to deliver for mental health over the last 13 months, and indeed over the last 20 years since the peace settlement, is unacceptable.”

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Northern Ireland has one of the highest suicide rates in the world and a leading cause, say experts, is post-traumatic stress disorder after years of violence

Northern Ireland has the highest suicide rate in the United Kingdom, with 18.5 age-standardised suicides per 100,000 people in 2017, a figure that puts it among the top 15 countries in the world, the Northern Ireland Statistics and Research Agency found. The rate for men is far higher, approaching 30. The rate in England was half that, at 9.2 per 100,000 people. The Republic of Ireland has historically had a high suicide rate as well, though it has seen a steady decrease in recent years. Most striking is that the suicide rates in Northern Ireland have doubled since the peace deal more than two decades ago.

Of 28 countries and regions that participated in the World Mental Health Survey in 2017, Northern Ireland had the highest rate of PTSD.

Of the nine victims she helped, three took their own lives. “Suicide is like an epidemic here; there’s about one a week,” O’Rawe says.

Many people would not confide even in their families and friends or share details of the atrocities they witnessed on a daily basis. In some cases, experts found that parents could transmit their post-traumatic stress to their children, even if the child had never experienced a traumatic event.

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ceylan yeginsu (2019) - suicide is like an epidemic here in west Belfast; there’s about one a week

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catherine crane (2014) - comfort from suicidal cognition in recurrently depressed patients

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albert camus (1942) - the myth of sisyphus

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gakuryū ishii (2005) - mirrored mind

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cuushe & yuko kono (2013) - airy me

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b. r. yeager (2020) - negative space

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satoshi kon (2004) - paranoia agent

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alex colvile (1973) - dog and bridge

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glow effect made on after effects

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final sculpture after re mod rocking and painting

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resin charms i made my creating silicone molds of the 3D prints

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metal deer from 3D printing

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metal charm from 3D printing

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sketch ideas of characters in project

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clay figures from clay workshop

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frame still

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during my time in secondary school i was part of an irish trad group, i tutored one younger boy in the group named noah as we played the same instrument. noah was then murdered that same year after being targeted as both black and catholic in an area not accepting of either, 10 minutes from my house. this came after 3 suicides in my school that year, and 2 more would follow. noah murder was covered up by the psni as there is alot of bias against catholic people, and no prosectutions were ever made. memorials for noah were throughout belfast especially where i live in north belfast. despite the belfast community coming together regardless of religion, extremists of both sides used this as fuel for bigotry. with DUP loyalist claiming it funded a catholic agenda, and extremist catholic nationalists labelling protestants in these areas as barbaric. this fuelled several riots in the summer, from my window i could smell smoke coming from buses. the death of an innocent boy, with no agenda sparked the closest conflict to the troubles since the end of the them.

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perspective in relation to current politcal climate

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perspective in relation to current politcal climate

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i hold a lot of comfort for belfast and in no sense have i outgrown it nor will i ever. belfast will always be home and a source comfort, yet through my research and personal reflection in this project, i know its also a source of pain. a city plagued by the troubles and centurys of colonialism will not heal in a matter of decades. particularly in the world's current climate, i think its more important than ever to remember this.

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through my process, i experimented with sculpture, specifically paper mache. the final sculpture went through many iterations as seen below, and despite my enquiry and attempts and reasoning on how i could improve it. i made the decision to cut it from the final collection. rather than a bloated group of pieces, i chose to refine my choices and how each part would feel interconnected with one another (important as the final piece had many moving parts)

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for the first section of the film, using the initial animation of the deer grazing i created stickers. after attending an illustrator workshop with marius, i cut all the frames of my animation into vinyl, and then duplicated. i then documented all the stickers on various backgrounds all somehow linking to the theme of comfort, and edited them together into a fluid animation.

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initial ideas for this project included a 3D render of a landscape of the deer in its environment. however upon reflections my ideas developed more in a film route and how that film would be presented, elements of my blender experimentations remained through 3D printing.

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initially my research started my documenting parts of my life that bring comfort, trying to find a running theme throughout. be that colour, imagery, shape. in ways it is difficult to explain why i found these things comforting, but yet the distinction remains. this provided a basis for which i built my imagery for the project

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i conducted these interviews with a variety of people ages ranging from 19 - 24, with many participants being locals of belfast

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frame film

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growing up as queer in belfast, there was another sense of othering i felt. already living in a catholic / protestant divide created an echo chamber of religious bias. i grew up completely in catholic school, baptism though to confirmation of ordainment. attending church on saturday nights for the vigil. i grew up in a catholic bubble, not even knowing any protestant people until my teenage years making friends outside of school and the area i lived. the guilt i felt for my sexuality and later gender never stemmed from hate, i was not told i was going to burn in hell, but i was told i was loved by god but i needed to cleanse parts of myself. it was a source of much of my suicidal ideation, i felt dirty so often, something i truly believed in felt like it hated me. at some part i felt comforted by church, queer irish catholic identity i find hard to relate to other people about, in mobing to london in some way i feel freer but i miss the comfort of having other who understand my experience, at times i miss the comfort of believing in church despite the hurt it caused.

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scaoileann piléar mar a scaoileann

an mothar cliathán an fhia, ag dul i bhfostú i smior a easna

imíonn an fear gunna, ag scaoileadh dhá phiasún ón spéir is é ag seilg don spraoi, fágann sé a bhfeoil ag lobhadh, téann súile an fhia bhuí folamh mar ológa.

is í ag cailleadh fola, síníonn smior ón easna millte amach, ag cuachadh crann cóngarach mar chrotal, leis an am, filleann corp an fhia ar ais chuig an chré,

bláthaíonn crainn smeara, le torthaí dorcha folmha ag teacht uathu, ag cur fómhair ar fáil dá hoisíní.

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for act ii of the film aspect of my project, i wrote a short poem about a deer, discussing themes of the troubles, generational trauma and comfort.

i then got these authentically translated into gaelige by my friend malachy (a professional irish translator)

using footage collected from the project, i edited these together to play as an interlude between the two parts of the film. it provide backstory for the deer, developing a weaving narrative through the film parts. this also communicates the themes of the project clearer to the audience

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charm hanging from my window

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video documentation of the charm flowing in the wind

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low quality documentations of the sculpture using a digital camera

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resin cast of the celtic charm, the contrast of the metallic with the translucent and the clay figures create a nice variety of material that feel connected with the linking imagery.

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charm of 3D printed celtic spiral

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charm of 3D printed deer

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clay frame to hold the screen projecting the frame, alternative version to the original 3D printed design, added a celtic design of the deer with flowing, interlocking strands. i am not the happiest with the outcome, but i do feel the unfinished nature add more of a human aspect. after my metallic and 3D printed test, upon reflection i felt they were too clean almost sterile feeling, contrasting with the organic and emotive nature of the film and project as a whole. this frame, though lacking polish, feels more connected with the aesthetics of the project

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i planned to give the 25 duplicates of the stickers to people i care about, as documentation of the people in my life who create comfort

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felix my coworker

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clara my coworker

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failed 3D prints for the frame

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2nd batch of 3D models before post processing

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failed 3D printed frame used instead as a base for the airdry clay

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3D printer frame (2bd half with celtic engraving failed 3 times so i decided to instead using airdry clay)

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resin deer

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resin casting of deer

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2nd batch of 3D print models

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a bullet shoots as the thicket

pierces the deer’s side lodging inside in the marrow of her rib

the gunman leaves, shooting two peasants from the sky in his passing

hunting for sport, he leaves their meat to rot

the fallow eyes glaze over like olives as she bleeds out,

marrow from the shattered rib stretches out hugging nearby trees like lichen

as time passes the deer melts back into the earth,

marrow trees bloom bearing dark glazed fruits, providing a harvest for her fawn

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shower steam engraved with the celtic spiral

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perfume with better lighting, nice translucent texture

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laptop with my interview questions

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rainbow scarf

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boiler

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a back

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fridge, adorned by photos and memories from my flatmates and i

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door frame into the kitchen, adorned by figures

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dead bugs

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darcys palm

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candle

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view from my window in the daytime

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my roommate mai playing cat-astrophe the cat stacking game

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liquor shelf at work

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dinner, used clear acetate

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old graffitied wall on the roof of my flat

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my roommate darcy holding a bottle of my perfume while wrapped in a blanket

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view from my window at night time

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wood

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postcard from ireland my granny sent me

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frame from the bingo bango music video my basement jaxx

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gas stove

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my bag

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dead leaf from a plant i failed to look after

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letter from my granny

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sketch of deer and harpy, deer was used for my 3d renders and prints

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i reused this technique of a focal point image with differing background with the vinyl stickers

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two pigeons kissing on the roof of my flat in the morning

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another photo from the field trip

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cat stacking game darcy got me for my birthday

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ivy i saw walking to the train station back from uni, the colour, texture and scale all evoked comfort for me

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thai curry, me and darcy cook together every day the routine almost feels like a ritual now. knowing that when i have a bad time, there will be a point in the day of comfort where i cook with my friend every day and can unwind of food we cooked ourselves, gives me a point of grounding, which i often need...

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my roommate darcy and a can of coconut water she became obsessed with, i hold good memories with this photo

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my dog dollar at christmas time