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I think as humans we are competitive by nature. However, as educators winning should not be our focus. Growth within our students should be enough to satisfy our desire for winning. Often times we get caught up in trying to outshine each other which takes away from us being able to collaborate effectively with our co-workers. Not to say that we should not do our best at whatever task we set out to do however winning should not be the focus. Instead we should think about how best we can meet the needs of our students.

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Emotional intelligence allows us to communicate our needs and boundaries, thus allowing others to learn a great deal about us. Emotional intelligence is our capacity to tell our truth and perspective as clearly as we see it, all the while remaining engaged with those who believe differently from us. Do not let your fears and doubts stop you from being vulnerable and authentic.  If we back down from arguments, we end up being disingenuous. We end up not communicating our perspective out of some form of fear.  Communication that is open and honest requires emotional intelligence. Speaking the truth about ourselves in the midst of disagreement is the foundation of successful communication. When we speak the truth about who we are and what we believe, everyone in the conversation will absorb and respond to our information. People take this information into consideration and adjust. Conflict is resolved when these adjustments take place. The ultimate goal of conflict is resolution. Conflict provides us the opportunity to put a true representation of ourselves out in the world. When we are in control of our emotional self, people can better relate to us, count on us and trust our intentions.  Humility and openness are two admirable qualities to come from an argument. The more open and flexible we can be, the stronger our bonds and the more successful we become at establishing connections.  However, without respect and mutuality, successful connections cannot develop or flourish.

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All of these five principles can have a huge impact on collaboration and growth as a group and an individual. I know that for me, remembering that the goal is not to "win" the argument can have a huge impact on what I am trying to say and especially how I say it. If your entire goal is to make an argument a competition than your goal is not to understand the other perspective, or even to have them understand and respect your perspective. Arguing in this way can only do more to ruin relationships because when your goal is to win, you are more likely to become defensive when challenged, and to fight back in ways you may not take to heart if you were actually looking to grow from the discussion rather than to walk away the victor.

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One of the first topics I cover in each of my classes is the importance of communication, not only in the classroom but throughout the rest of their lives. You can learn so much through listening to other people's opinions and experiences but in order to learn, you must be willing to listen. When your intentions are just to win the argument or prove the most points in the discussion, you as well as the person you are speaking with will be on the defense and not truly listening. I believe this is much easier said than done and it is something that I try to work on with each relationship in my life. I loved the line in the video that stated the importance of "engaging to understand rather than to win" because the best thing that can come out of an argument is mutual understanding on both sides.

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It is helpful to remember that spending time to share information with a colleague, friend, or neighbor is a valuable relationship. Winning or losing a game has few consequences unlike destroying a relationship over words. To better communicate with others we should eliminate the need to be right in an argument. We should be engaged to learn so that both parties can benefit. I have found myself getting defensive to prove I am right in the past. Doing this negates the purpose of the argument, to understand one another from mutual ground and progress together toward a better goal.

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Better Arguments- Taking "Winning" Off the Table

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Better Arguments- Taking "Winning" Off the Table

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When I went to college, I met so many amazing people with strong beliefs different from my own, and I think that's what started my journey with "taking winning off the table". I noticed that if I didn't agree with someone, but wasn't trying to "win" or change their views but rather understand where they were coming from, I learned so much more and had fewer arguments with others. I think that "taking winning off the table" is important to open up that communication with others and not caring about who is "right" or "wrong". I feel strongly that this principal can help people work together more effectively because they are no longer trying to "beat" the other person but instead are trying to genuinely understand them, especially with everything that the world is going through right now! This can be shown and modeled every single day in and out of the classroom!

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For me, taking away the need to "win" or "be right" allows me to take in what is being said and actually analyze what someone else is saying. When we try to win a conversation or an argument, we are just trying to one up the other parties, or to be the loudest voice in the room. Having a conversation without those needs, leaves room for understanding and true communication to occur.
I think for myself, I need to remind myself at all times that every conversation or conflict, is an experience I can learn from and that the other party involved has something new that I can take away.
For students, I think we need to create more opportunities for conversations with no "winners" and create understanding environments. Allowing those conversations to happen will help to foster our students understanding of themselves and their peers. - Maddie Cole

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For me, Listening Passionately is most important for me. I find I often struggle to actually listen to what someone is saying since I am formulating a response on the spot. If I stop and take a moment to listen actively and take in what others are saying to accurately respond, I think I can really become more open minded and understanding of others and their opinions, rather than just always looking to get my points across too. And if I can do this, hopefully others can too and be more receptive to what I am saying. There are many active learning techniques that we can even teach our students, as this is something they often forget to do. I see then when I have multiple students saying the same thing over and over again since they are too busy formulating their own thoughts rather than listening to others.

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Entering a conversation with an open mind is something I think is the most important factor to having a meaningful debate. Having the ability to see from others' perspectives and the willingness to see there could be more advantages to the side you're opposing or disadvantages to the side you're defending not only allows personal growth, but shows others that is it okay to change your mind when listening to new information and ideas. I do my best to enter conversations where I feel my mind is set; to openly listen to the other persons reasoning. I try not to spend time defending my point but to questions the other persons view in a constructive way- to gain information in civil manner. ~Kristen Grismer

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Being vulnerable can help you accept constructive criticism by allowing you to keep an open mind. I am practicing vulnerability in two ways. As a new teacher working in a district I have never worked in before, I am using vulnerability as a way to obtain the feedback I need from the people around me to be a better teacher and a better listener. The second way is by asking for feedback from my students after my lessons and labs. Offering my students the chance to share their opinion gives them the opportunity to see an example of a superior being vulnerable with them. I can only hope that this will make them feel more comfortable being vulnerable during times of constructive criticism also. - Holly Pelzar

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PROVIDE SOCIAL OPPORTUNITIES
This can be done in and outside of the classroom by getting involved. This is a KEY component for all of those around you. Some ways to do this can be done by getting involved in school activities, after school programs, and clubs. By taking part in these social opportunities it allows you to build relationships with not only your students but colleagues as well!

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I am working on being a better listener instead of thinking of what I am going to say next. Active listening is so important in cultivating a relationship, especially when collaborating with colleagues. Dr. M.