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#MeToo has done a lot of work exposing uncomfortable truths, but now its eagerness to denounce is taking on a censorious tone. #TimesUp is becoming #ShutUp.

Recall that the movement got going when women who had long remained silent felt emboldened to speak up after many years. Yet last week one such woman was telling her story. There was a broad public attempt to silence this Korean runaway who doesn't know her own birthday and grew up eating out of garbage cans on the streets of Seoul before being dumped into an orphanage. Her adoptive mother, she says, regularly belittled her, abused her and essentially made her serve as a household domestic. Then this crazy momster labeled her daughter "retarded." After all of this, Soon-Yi Previn doesn't get a right to speak? Because she's married to Woody Allen?

I've written before about how it's nearly impossible to believe that Allen is guilty of child molestation when you look at the evidence, but the fanciful-to-preposterous case for his guilt is, 26 years after his alleged crime, suddenly being accepted as gospel by the #MeToo crowd, which in turn has rebuked Previn and also Daphne Merkin, a longtime friend of Allen.

When Merkin's convincing New York magazine profile of Soon-Yi ran last week, #MeToo told both of them to shut their pie-holes about Woody Allen, forever. (The editor who actually ran the piece, New York chief Adam Moss, seemed to escape censure.) "Let the women speak" somehow turned into "Only certain women should speak."

Meanwhile, Ian Buruma was forced out of his position as editor of the New York Review of Books for doing ... exactly what the New York Review of Books has always done. Although a left-liberal publication, the NYRB has a contrarian streak and prides itself on being contentious, eager to surprise, doubtful of conventional wisdom. In a theme issue about "the Fall of Men" accused of sexual misconduct that typified the NYRB's brand as a vigorous forum for debate, Buruma published a lengthy piece by the Canadian broadcaster Jian Ghomeshi, a star north of the border, who wrote about life after being charged with being violent to women.

Ghomeshi was acquitted two years ago of sexual assault and choking after being accused by three women. Since then more than a dozen more women have stepped forward to accuse him of improper sexual behavior.

In an interview published in a Dutch magazine, the Netherlands-born Buruma said he felt obliged to resign his post after being "convicted on Twitter, without any due process."

Buruma sparked a social-media frenzy both by publishing the Ghomeshi piece and then by taking part in a Slate interview in which he sounded blasé on the question of Ghomeshi's guilt.

The choice to publish Ghomeshi was meant "not necessarily as a defense of what he may have done," Buruma told Slate, but he thought readers would be interested to learn what it's like to be "top of the world, doing more or less what you like, being a jerk in many ways, and then finding your life ruined and being a public villain and pilloried."

Buruma himself promptly was made a public villain and pilloried, not because he has been accused of misbehavior, not because he defended anyone accused of misbehavior, but simply for publishing an essay from a seldom-heard point of view.

Fire him! Cried the mob. But a New York Review of Books that didn't challenge prevailing orthodoxy wouldn't be the New York Review of Books. Nor should the editorship of the NYRB be a matter for a snarling mob of Twitterati to decide. If you don't like what's in the NYRB, write a letter to the editor.

Somehow "I disagree with you" or even "I disagree with the thing you published" has turned into "your career must be destroyed." One need not defend Ghomeshi - and Buruma doesn't! - to agree with the premise that what he has to say might be of interest.

When media outlets run interviews with people who have actually murdered women, does it mean they're taking the side of murderers? Interviews with Charles freaking Manson used to pop up on ABC, NBC, CBS and in the pages of Rolling Stone until Manson finally shut up and relocated to Hell last year.

If anyone called for Diane Sawyer or Geraldo Rivera to be fired for "giving Manson a platform" or "normalizing a monster," I missed it. If Manson's point of view is worth hearing, so is Ghomeshi's.

As for Soon-Yi, whatever you think of women who stole their mother's boyfriends, that's probably not as bad as leading a devil cult of ritual murderers.

To read more on The New York Post click here.

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#MeToo has morphed into a career-destroying angry mob

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MeToo has done a lot of work exposing uncomfortable truths, but now its eagerness to denounce is taking on a censorious tone. #TimesUp is becoming #ShutUp. Recall that the movement got going when women who had long remained silent felt emboldened to speak up after many years.

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The Trump administration has released a highly debated and long-anticipated blueprint for responding to sexual assault and harassment in schools. Issued by Education Secretary Betsy DeVos, the rules outline how student allegations of sexual misconduct must be dealt with for...

Continue watching

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The Trump administration has released a highly debated and long-anticipated blueprint for responding to sexual assault and harassment in schools. Issued by Education Secretary Betsy DeVos, the rules outline how student allegations of sexual misconduct must be dealt with for... Continue watching

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It seemed like the #MeToo movement would change the world, but more than three years from its explosion, what's its lasting legacy? Lizzy Dening investigates

The #MeToo movement has been making powerful men sweat for over three years. In October 2017 actress Alyssa Milano popularised the hashtag (first used back in 2006 by activist Tarana Burke), encouraging others to share their experiences of sexual violence. It blew up - in part thanks to support from stars including Jennifer Lawrence and Ashley Judd - with millions of tweets in dozens of different languages.

'These feelings had been brewing for a while, and the Weinstein accusations became the catalyst for the movement,' says activist and author of Dark Chapter, Winnie M Li. #MeToo was simple and accessible - you didn't need to have a high profile to add your voice to the mix. It allowed people from all backgrounds to feel heard on some level, and unified survivors from across the globe. But for all of the 'think-pieces' it inspired, and the pressure it placed on high profile rapists, it can sometimes feel that not much has changed as a result. While the amplification and unity of angry voices is a fantastic tool, were we unrealistic to expect systemic change in its wake?

The power of #MeToo

For a glorious, fleeting moment, it felt like the internet had become a more democratic place, and a level of power had been awarded to victims of sexual violence. While we might have hoped that this momentum would be enough to challenge systems - workplaces, court rooms, education - it's been a much rockier road. But that doesn't mean that #MeToo wasn't a powerful force for good.

'Social media movements can create change, because they show a public consciousness and an awareness of the issue,' says Siân JM Brooke, a researcher at Oxford Internet Institute. 'The sheer volume of media articles covering #MeToo and the systematic nature of sexual assault is progress. Bringing perpetrators to face a trial is progress.' In fact, a year after its instant popularity, the hashtag was, according to the New York Times, integral in bringing down 201 powerful men, and, of course, Harvey Weinstein who was sentenced to 23 years after being found guilty of two counts of sexual assault.

While #MeToo allowed survivors to speak out, it also, crucially, allowed others to hear them. 'I think some men had no idea how angry women were, or of the vast spectrum of violence, from catcalls and street harassment, to domestic abuse, and rape and murder, that women experience. Or the fact that the threat of all of those things forces women often to not speak up, to change their behaviour, or their clothing, or their opinions,' says Sophie Walker, Chief Executive of the Young Women's Trust. And the movement's reach was a crucial factor in its strength. While a YouGov poll from last year found that just 55 per cent of Brits had heard of #MeToo, this still put it head and shoulders above similar awareness campaigns (I Weigh had just 2 per cent; Time's Up, 17 per cent).

Also, while it might seem simplistic, there's a certain strength to attaching a catchy phrase to your cause. 'In just six digits, people know what you're talking about,' says Winnie M Li. 'While #MeToo can be misused as a marketing tool, it also works as a ' flash-word ' that continues to bring attention to these issues, which can only be a good thing. It also helped demonstrate what a broad spectrum of sexual violence there is, and helped to link the whole spectrum of misogynist behaviour and structural injustice.'

Empty promises

While successful awareness campaigns encourage survivors to seek vital help (US helplines saw a 25 per cent rise in calls in the aftermath of the Weinstein accusations), the increased demand brought about by #MeToo wasn't met with a significant increase in funding for rape crisis centres. Nor with change at a legal level, with UK rape conviction rates currently at an all-time low.

Confronted with statistics about the prevalence of workplace harassment, university cover-ups and the ignorance of many judges in sexual violence trials, the movement, which seemed so full of vigour, can feel like it's fallen flat. "Me' never became 'We' - so it spoke only to individual experiences rather than mass solutions,' says Sophie Walker. 'We haven't come anywhere close to building structures in business, society, judiciary, arts and culture that create freedom for women from violence. And now we're facing a backlash, which always happens, because progress is not linear, and the difficulty now is to keep momentum going.'

Ah yes, the backlash. '#MeToo was a social media spectacle, and like historical public executions the guilty were hanged in full view,' explains Siân JM Brooke. 'The problem with the presumption of guilt and the following public execution is that the target becomes a focus of sympathy. Blame is redistributed, and rather than paying attention to the survivors we are told that 'men can't do anything these days'.'

Backlash is, of course, a normal response to movements, and only to be expected in such a high profile one. Let's not forget that it stems from powerful men wanting to protect themselves, so it's arguably a sign that we're getting closer to justice every day.

What's next for campaigners?

Perhaps it's unfair to look to the 'legacy' of a movement that's still in its infancy. But what can we do to ensure the energy and verve of the initial campaign is channelled into lasting change?

'What the movement needs to do now is organise,' says Siân JM Brooke. 'To effect institutional and legal change, capitalising on its momentum for progress and not letting the toxic, misogynistic retaliation take over and control the narrative.'

'The #MeToo movement has exposed an endemic problem and led to a culture shift in our awareness of sexual harassment,' agrees Sam Smethers, Fawcett Society Chief Executive. 'But we need to complete the transformation by changing how society and employers respond. This means we have to strengthen the law to require employers to prevent harassment and we have to provide and promote solutions to help them to own and change their own organisational culture.'

On a smaller scale, we also need to be mindful of keeping conversations around the topic flowing. 'The problem is that we're living in an instantaneous culture, and if something isn't going to change overnight it's often forgotten,' says Winnie M Li. 'It's going to be a long process, and we have to keep reminding people about these issues.'

And there has already been a heartening change. A study by the Fawcett Society found that the younger generation has been positively affected by #MeToo, with more than half of 18-34-year-olds saying they are now more likely to speak out about sexual harassment. And ultimately, what could be a better result from a grassroots movement, than helping survivors to find and amplify their voices.

For help and advice please contact:
* Rape Crisis England and Wales
* Rape Crisis Scotland
* Rape Crisis Network Ireland

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Has #MeToo actually made things worse for women? | Marie Claire

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It seemed like the #MeToo movement would change the world, but more than three years from its explosion, what's its lasting legacy? Lizzy Dening investigates The #MeToo movement has been making powerful men sweat for over three years.

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Not long after #MeToo scandals swept through Fox News, NBC, and then CBS, toppling high-powered executives and promising to transform the media industry, a former television personality called me to share a different kind of story. I'd just published a column for Vanity Fair recounting my own run-in with the powers that be, as a former reporter for Fox News. Last year, after suing for gender discrimination and retaliation, I settled with Fox and signed a non-disclosure agreement, barring me from discussing the case. But as this woman observed, legal settlements can't fix our broken culture. In many cases, they only trigger another, more insidious form of retaliation.

"The very same people who publicly applaud you for speaking up about bad behavior will never hire you into their own organizations because you are forever pegged as a whistleblower and a troublemaker," said the woman, who sued a large corporation for sexual harassment. "On your deathbed, you will probably feel that you have done the moral thing by speaking up, but in the years you are alive, you are very cognizant of the toll your decision to come forward has taken on your life and your career path." She was once a prominent television personality, but now is unable to secure a talent agent or an on-camera job.

There is no official blacklist, of course. And yet, multiple women, all of whom have settled high-profile lawsuits against serial sexual harassers, told me they struggled to continue their careers in media after defending themselves. One woman, who recalled being told she was "overqualified" for a broadcasting job, lost out on a potential job after her interviewer asked why she had sued and settled with her previous employer. "I . . . I didn't do anything," she responded. "It was done to me, but that's in the past. I just want to work. I want to do what I love again." The interviewer huffed: "Well, I believe what you're saying, but I'm going to check around to see what your reputation really is."

A former network anchor who sued for sexual harassment told me she was treated as persona non grata after news of her settled lawsuit went public. "I spoke with an old colleague who is now a news director in a much bigger market. They said I should get back to them after some dust settles in a few years," she said. "It couldn't be more clear to me, given the fact this person had always said I would be on their A-team if I ever wanted to work with them again."

Employment lawyer Martin Hyman, who represented both Gretchen Carlson and me, said it is not surprising to hear these women's stories of being blacklisted. "Anyone who would tell you that women who file and eventually settle sexual harassment claims are not blacklisted by media companies is not being forthright," Hyman told me. "Just look at some of the men who, until recently, have run or otherwise wielded power in this industry. Look at the culture they created, perpetuated, or tolerated. And look at the people who enabled the harassers, including, in some cases, talent agents who politely demur or decline to represent these courageous women after their cases have settled. Did these women suddenly lose their talent, motivation, or popularity? Did jobs in the industry suddenly dry up? Or is there something nefarious at work here?"

That question can be extraordinarily difficult to unravel, given the ways in which whisper networks inform hiring decisions in media. "The key decision-makers all attend the same conferences, expos, and after-hour parties. People talk, network, and gossip, and Google, of course, never forgets. This can predispose your industry's gatekeepers to perceive litigants as potential risks," said Scott Pinsker, a branding and marketing expert. "It would be awful if one of the unintended consequences of the 'Me Too' movement is that employers are now so paranoid of being sued, they're quietly blackballing the victims who had the strength and courage to stand up for themselves. I hope that's not the case, but common sense says otherwise."

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"You Will Lose Everything": Inside the Media's #MeToo Blacklist

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Not long after #MeToo scandals swept through Fox News, NBC, and then CBS, toppling high-powered executives and promising to transform the media industry, a former television personality called me to share a different kind of story. I'd just published a column for Vanity Fair recounting my own run-in with the powers that be, as a former reporter for Fox News.

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men are suing women who accused them of harassment. will it stop others from speaking out?  - cnn

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Men are suing women who accused them of harassment. Will it stop others from speaking out?

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A series of high-profile defamation cases have been brought against women in response to the outpouring of sexual misconduct allegations in the wake of #MeToo, and women's rights activists say they could have a chilling effect on the movement's future.

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When I was a young professional, I was raped by a co-worker and no one believed me.

I share that brutal piece of information because, over a decade later, when the #metoo movement happened, I was completely in favor of it. I was horrified at the number of stories that were shared but simultaneously thrilled that those stories were seeing the light of day as victims took their power back. A year after the movement started, I mustered the courage to share my story publicly for the first time since it happened (though I clearly did not understand how a hashtag worked at the time). For me, it transformed my experience with what happened into something that was empowering rather than something debilitating.

Karlyn Borysenko

Undoubtedly, the impact of the #metoo movement has been a net positive, changing the way U.S. workers interact with each other in the office, the way supervisors treat their employees, and the way organizations handle sexual harassment training and allegations of misconduct. Complaints about sexual harassment increased significantly following the broader awareness of the movement, indicating that more people felt empowered to share their stories and felt more comfortable that their organization would do the right thing.

But everything is about balance. And in the wake of the movement came stories of men who were afraid of what might happen if they were falsely accused. Not long after I told my story on Twitter, a Morning Consult poll showed that 57% of U.S. adults were equally concerned for young women and the harassment they could face as they were for young men and the false allegations they could face. Stories have since come out showing that upwards of 60% of men are afraid to mentor women at work, fearing what will happen if they meet behind closed doors without a third party present. According to research from the Pew, a majority of respondents-both male and female-said that the movement has made it harder for men to know how to interact with women in the workplace.

It can be easy to dismiss these concerns, as many people have. They say we must believe all women. They say it's a joke that men are afraid. They say that if men don't do anything wrong, they have nothing to worry about. They say they should check their male privilege. They point out repeatedly that false reports only make up 2% of all claims. And they say that when false allegations do happen, the cost of those careers and reputations is a price they are willing to pay in favor of the movement.

The reality is that false accusations happen. And we need to talk about them.

Famed lawyer Alan Dershowitz is no stranger to controversy. In fact, he often invites it with open arms. But being accused of rape and being lumped in with Prince Andrew and Jeffrey Epstein is a rare type of controversy that he finds himself uncomfortable with: "I welcome controversy about my ideas. I love having debates and controversy about my ideas. But having controversy about whether or not I'm a sex offender? That's not what I bargained for in my life."

Dershowitz recounts his side of the story in the book Guilt By Accusation: The Challenge of Proving Innocence in the Age of #metoo. His case is particularly interesting because it started before the #metoo movement and continues today. When asked if he noticed a difference between perception before and after, he said it was very noticeable. "There's no question. Before the #metoo movement, I had won. It had gone away. I had the submission, I had the tapes, the recording, the emails, I had a full investigation by the former head of the FBI who said it was false, I had a judge who struck it [down], the lawyers had withdrawn it...it was over! It was completely over. And then the #metoo movement came, and suddenly it was resurrected."

"I had someone say to me at a public event 'I know you're innocent but why don't you just fall on your sword in order to help the #metoo movement?'"

Alan Dershowitz

He went on to describe the difficulty of making his case in the court of public opinion when the standard is to believe all women: "If you call a women a liar, even if you didn't do [what you're being accused of], you're guilty of calling a woman a liar, so there's no way out. "If you call a women a liar, even if you didn't do [what you're being accused of], you're guilty of calling a woman a liar, so there's no way out. If you don't deny it, you're thought to be guilty. If you do deny it, you've committed an additional political sin, so it's a trap. And it feels just horrible...They either assume your guilt or they assume you shouldn't be asserting your innocence. I had someone say to me at a public event, 'I know you're innocent, but why don't you just fall on your sword in order to help the #metoo movement?' I said I'm not going to do that. I support the #metoo movement when it's right, when there are real accusations. But I'm not going to become a sacrificial lamb to the abuses of the movement."

Dershowitz described the challenges he has faced in being accused, including the financial cost of fighting the accusation, to the embarrassment of having to tell every potential client of the claims while he is pursuing it in court, to the impact it has had on his family, including his grandchildren: "It's been terrible. No one who knows me believes it, none of my personal friends. Even those who are really upset at me about the Trump thing don't believe it because they know I'm not that guy. I'm not a player. But it has still had a terrible impact on my grandkids who are in school where people believe everything that's said, and on my children. It's had a terrible impact on us. I'm a victim, and no one wants to treat me like a victim."

One can understand why it might be difficult to think of Alan Dershowitz as a victim given his status and resources. But what happens when accusations are made against a more average joe?

Mike Tunison was a successful freelance writer. He worked for the Washington Post, had a book published by HarperCollins, and was the editor of a successful website. Today he works on the janitorial staff at a Dave & Buster's.

How did he get there? In October 2017, he was added the Sh-tty Media Men list, a Google Doc that was collected allegations of misconduct from anonymous, unvetted sources. Tunison was accused by someone (he doesn't know who) of stalking, harassment, and physical intimidation, and asserted they had filed a complaint with human resources at the Washington Post. According to Tunison, no such claim existed. "I ended up checking with HR and they were like 'we have nothing on file.' The only thing in my file that they mentioned was that I was forced to resign from the Post because I was writing for this crass sports blog Kissing Suzy Kolber, which is probably what most people know me from."

Tunison discovered he was on the list when his girlfriend at the time saw his name on it: "She worked in media and lived in Brooklyn. She's a writer. So she had access to the list and was paying attention while it was being edited. So she DMed me like 'we need to talk.' Understandably from her end, and to her credit she didn't brush me off. She heard me out." But not all of his connections were so forgiving. "I had a friend who cut me off and still has not spoken to me to this day."

After he was accused, his freelance work dried up. Tunison is very quick to say that the list was not the only factor but certainly played a role. "I don't think the list single-handedly destroyed my career but it obviously had a harmful effect. I don't know how you can argue that there weren't opportunities that I could have gotten where people didn't want to work with me. I lost contact with people who could have helped my career with how weaponized the list was by people who are full-time journalists...There are people who are blue-check mark full-time reporters who are like 'do not associate with anyone who is on the sh-tty media men list. We see you doing this.' And it's like, you don't know. You don't know any of these claims, and you didn't investigate any of this. How can you just socially ostracize people like this?"

"There's an impossible burden of proof on me. How am I supposed to prove that I didn't do X from a person I can't identify? It's literally impossible."

Mike Tunison

Tunison shares Dershowitz's perception that it is near impossible to fight accusations when they've been made. In his case, it's particularly difficult because of how they were made: "There's an impossible burden of proof on me. How am I supposed to prove that I didn't do X from a person I can't identify? It's literally impossible."

However, where he differs from Dershowitz is that he does not plan to pursue legal action. "I said in my piece that I consider [the #metoo movement] a net positive...I've seen the effect of women's claims being disregarded in things that I focused on. So I understood even though I had not been directly involved in any cases."

But he did express that he wished some audiences had been more open-minded about his perspective and experience. "The liberal side of the equation completely ignored my piece. By and large, they did not reckon with it at all. These are people who know me well, and are people I've worked with...they've just completely disregarded this."
We must return to innocent until proven guilty.

"Generally movements have pendulum swings, and the pendulum has now swung in the direction of 'everyone's guilty and don't you dare assert your innocence.'"

Alan Dershowitz

According to Dershowitz: "Generally movements have pendulum swings, and the pendulum has now swung in the direction of 'everyone's guilty and don't you dare assert your innocence.' I think the pendulum will be moving back towards the center where the presumption of innocence still prevails, where you're innocent until you're proven guilty. Today you're guilty until you're proven innocent."

When allegations of sexual harassment are made in the workplace, organizations should take it seriously and have a duty to investigate. According to Jim Priest, President of Sage Counsel and an experienced employment lawyer, workplaces can best support women who are coming forth with allegations by using the T*I*P* approach:

Train all employees, including top executives, on workplace harassment through in-person training, which tend to be more effective than online courses.

Investigate all allegations promptly, ideally using an outside investigator.

Policy. Make sure you have a readable, practical, understandable policy that employees can understand (not written in legalese) and that offers practical suggestions and examples.

He also points out that false allegations are exceptionally rare. "In my three decades as an employment lawyer, I only had one case where allegations were patently false and made up in an attempt to extort money. Most of the time people who report harassment are reluctant to do so and the vast majority are never reported."

We do need to keep that in mind when it comes to fear surrounding false allegations. Though research is difficult to pin down on this topic, it does tend to show that false allegations represent between 2% and 10% of all claims.

But I challenge you to consider the consequences of those false allegations for the people they are targeting: When we assume the person being accused is guilty before conducting an investigation, or even hold onto that assumption if the outcome of that investigation does not prove their guilt, it can be incredibly damaging to their careers, their reputations, their relationships, and their mental health.

It's easy to say "it's just 2%" and dismiss it out of hand. After all, 2 out of 100 is such a small insignificant number!

But let's take a moment to play my favorite game, fun with math:

According to the EEOC, there were 7,514 charges of sex-based harassment filed in 2019.

At the low range of the spectrum, 2% of 7,514 is 150. At the higher end of 10%, it's 750.

That means that between 150 and 750 people were falsely accused in 2019. That's between 150 and 750 people who could have had their careers ended, their reputations destroyed, and years of hard work come to a grinding halt when they did not deserve it if the presumption is that they are guilty without a fair process. And that was just last year.

And the EEOC data does not include the full breadth of reports of harassment since it does not include charges filed with state or local agencies or ones that never get reported through government channels. Potentially, the numbers could be even higher.

We need to balance out the conversation around #metoo.

If a person is correctly accused of harassment or assault towards a colleague, and those allegations are proven to be valid following an investigation, then it is fair game for them to suffer the consequences for their actions that are proportional to what they did.

But we are not talking about the flip side of the equation, and the impact it can have on very real lives when the allegations are not true, but are presumed to be by organizational leaders and/or the colleagues of the accused.

In fact, some might argue that we're not even supposed to think about it. When I began researching for this article, I was discouraged from even considering writing about the experiences of men who have been falsely accused. When I posted on a website looking for sources to talk to, I received just as many responses like this as I received from actual sources:

Karlyn Borysenko

I also did speak to many more men than were featured in this article about their experiences, but they were afraid to come forward and share their stories out of fear of retribution. But their sentiments echoed the stories told here.

When a woman who has been the victim of sexual harassment or assault comes forward, it is an incredibly vulnerable act. I still remember the pain, anxiety, anger and humiliation I experienced when I express what happened to me all those years ago and was met with stone-cold glares of incredulity by those who were supposed to help me. It is just as real to me today as it was back then. But we must all remember that the harm that has been inflicted on those who have experienced harassment and assault will not diminish when people who have done nothing wrong suffer the consequences of false accusations.

Is it rare? Yes. But just because something is rare doesn't mean we ignore it. It doesn't mean we don't seek to understand it. And it doesn't mean we don't put in place processes to make sure we minimize it.
If you would like to listen to my full conversations with both Alan and Mike, head over to my No BS podcast. You can also connect with me on , or over on my
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The Dark Side Of #MeToo: What Happens When Men Are Falsely Accused

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When I was a young professional, I was raped by a co-worker and no one believed me. I share that brutal piece of information because, over a decade later, when the #metoo movement happened, I was completely in favor of it.

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Last spring, during my first week as a janitor at a Dave & Buster's, I struck up a conversation with a co-worker who served 17 years in prison. Swapping life stories, I sheepishly divulged that I used to work for The Washington Post, that I had a book published by HarperCollins, and that I had been the editor of a popular website.

He fixed a look at me. "So what are you doing here?" he asked.

For the life of me, I couldn't begin to explain how I went from having a life and career I felt proud of, to being publicly shamed by my peers and punished for things I didn't do.

In October 2017, I was one of roughly 70 men included in the Sh-tty Media Men list, a crowdsourced spreadsheet of anonymous, unvetted allegations of sexual misconduct and assault. No words can describe my astonishment at finding myself accused of "harassment," "stalking" and "physical intimidation." Even more agonizing was seeing this supposedly private listing swiftly leaked to the public via several major online media outlets as well as social media.

The damage to my career seemed equally swift. In the decade leading up to the list, my work was regularly published by more than a dozen outlets. After the leak, that work screeched to a stop. Today, I write for only one outlet I previously contributed to; income that covers only a few smaller bills. I've applied for hundreds of office jobs in an effort to avoid a bankruptcy that could hurt family members whose finances are linked to mine.

Most days, it's difficult to envision a path back to a decent life.

More than two years later, the media continue to embrace #MeToo's powerful personal narratives as a reliable source of content and controversy. Now a cornerstone of liberal orthodoxy that few dare to challenge, there has been surprisingly little effort to dig into its complexities, unless the accused is someone powerful and prominent like Al Franken.

Hard-line supporters of the movement shrug off its more extreme tactics by noting that some #MeToo'd celebrities have inched back to prominence. Nonfamous casualties remain swept under the rug.

My story is noteworthy only because I'm one of the least powerful men to have been publicly accused in the #MeToo era. What makes this event intolerable isn't just that the allegations against me are false. It's that I have no idea who made them.

When the list was created, I'd been freelancing exclusively for two years. Of all media jobs, freelancing may be the least powerful. It's extremely easy, and far from uncommon, for the editors on whom freelancers depend for their livelihoods to brush them off without explanation. Not one editor asked me about the list's allegations. I just stopped getting work.

Almost immediately after the list's release, a close friend of 10 years cut me off and hasn't spoken to me since. Day after day, I'm tortured by the thought that even more people will learn of the allegations. Too often, I've found myself hanging out with friends as the discussion turned to celebrities being #MeToo'd, and been incapable of revealing what happened to me.

It's been more than a year since I've dated. Working three low-paying jobs means I'm always busy - and broke. Plus, any woman who does the usual, predate research online could stumble upon the list. How could I explain it away?

It suggests those who ended up on the list merited comparison to Harvey Weinstein - a man accused of raping and assaulting scores of women.

Moira Donegan, the woman who started the list, wrote in New York magazine months after its dissemination that she was "naïve because [she] did not understand the forces that would make the document go viral." Donegan is currently being sued by another listed man, Stephen Elliott, for libel and emotional distress. Perhaps surprisingly, I disagree with the lawsuit.

I see the list as a net positive for having removed some extreme offenders. Attacking Donegan for creating the possibility of false claims ignores the failures of established power structures that shielded abusers and made the list necessary. Additionally, Donegan had no power to force anyone to take it seriously.

Yet she can't be immune from criticism. The lack of security for such a sensitive, unvetted document was irresponsible at best.

In a more recent Vice profile, Donegan recalled wondering with friends in the days before the list's creation, "How many Harvey Weinsteins are there in our industry?" To my admittedly biased ears, the question suggests that those who ended up on the list merited comparison to a man accused of threatening, raping and assaulting scores of women.

A side note to the accusations leveled at me was the claim that an "HR file at The Washington Post," where I was an editorial aide from 2005 to 2008, existed that presumably backed up the accusations. The Post keeps scanned personnel files on all employees, so a file on me does exist. But when I called the newspaper for verification, I was told my file contains no mention of accusations, investigations or disciplinary actions.

(Ed. note: The Washington Post declined to verify this.)

Baffled, I reached out to the former co-worker I had assumed was my accuser, a female reporter in my office whom I felt sure had at times found me rude or inconsiderate. She said she didn't write my entry and didn't know who did.

Obviously, I'm drawing attention to the list now. I'm tired of trying to hide in plain sight, of feeling psychologically broken for actions I never took. The top of the Sh-tty Media Men spreadsheet admonished readers to take the allegations with a grain of salt because its charges are uninvestigated. But in my experience, more than a few people have equated inclusion on the list, regardless of the alleged offense, as proof that a man is undeserving of ever being hired or heard from.

Weeks after the list surfaced, I felt desperate enough to tweet - without mentioning the cause - that I was having suicidal thoughts and couldn't afford counseling. A number of friends and associates offered commiseration and emotional support.

I was told my [Washington Post] HR file contains no mention of accusations or investigations.

A year later, I felt hopeless enough to call a suicide hotline. Briefly, it felt cathartic, explaining to the stranger on the other end the accusations I faced and the distress they were causing.

I still haven't mustered the courage to tell my family. Though I assume they'll be supportive, I've imagined how excruciating this news will be to my parents, who've never worked in media and aren't well-versed online. But I can no longer avoid it.

We live in an age in which we are inundated with misinformation, argument and provocation. As a result, many of us are stressed beyond belief. Yet in the decade since I worked in an office, that same culture has made some incalculable strides - including a marked increase in the seriousness with which women's views are considered.

Societal change is seldom achieved neatly. Though I welcome the culture coming down hard on those who've acted reprehensibly, the truth is too large and complex to always fit neatly into a slogan, however well-intentioned.

Everybody wins when the women who once were summarily dismissed are taken seriously. But "believe women" shouldn't necessarily mean "disbelieve men."

Everyone deserves better than to be assumed guilty of unsubstantiated charges from anonymous sources. Justice, and journalism, demand more.
This is a condensed version of a story that originally ran on Medium.com.

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'Being wrongly #MeToo'd has ruined my life'

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Last spring, during my first week as a janitor at a Dave & Buster's, I struck up a conversation with a co-worker who served 17 years in prison. Swapping life stories, I sheepishly divulged that I used to work for The Washington Post, that I had a book published by HarperCollins, and that I had been the editor of a popular website.

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1 in 10 elderly persons suffer abuse, including sexual abuse, within a one year period. Among those aged 60 and over, the lifetime prevalence of sexual assault is 7%. Source | Acierno, Ron & Hernandez-Tejada, Melba & Amstadter, Ananda & Resnick, Heidi & Steve, Kenneth & Muzzy, Wendy & Kilpatrick, Dean.

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#MeToo dates back to 2006 on the social media site Myspace. Activist Tarana Burke coined the phrase as an empathetic response to other survivors of abuse, particularly girls and women of color.

On the website of her youth organization, Just Be Inc., Burke recounts an encounter with a young women who shared experiences of sexual assault. A survivor of sexual violence herself, Burke reflects that she wished had empathized with the young women in the moment: " I watched her put her mask back on and go back into the world like she was all alone and I couldn't even bring myself to whisper ... me too."

The hashtag #MeToo went viral after actress Alyssa Milano issued a call to activism against sexual harassment and violence on Twitter. Hundreds of thousands of people responded to her post in solidarity, raising awareness of rampant sexism and sexual misconduct.

If you've been sexually harassed or assaulted write 'me too' as a reply to this tweet. pic.twitter.com/k2oeCiUf9n

- Alyssa Milano (@Alyssa_Milano) October 15, 2017

As a movement, #MeToo began with reports of workplace misconduct against women. Perpetrators included powerful men in the entertainment industry -notably former film producer Harvey Weinstein, who, nearly two and half years after initial public accusations against him, was convicted of sexual assault and rape in February 2020.

#MeToo founder Tarana Burke says Harvey Weinstein's conviction sends the message that "regardless of your money, or your wealth, or your race that you have to answer and be accountable for the crimes that you commit." https://t.co/UD2K3mWU1R

- MSNBC (@MSNBC) February 25, 2020

Following Milano's tweet in October 2017, #MeToo quickly spread to acknowledge survivors from all walks of life all around the world, becoming a global reckoning with systemic sexual misconduct, especially as committed by individuals in positions of authority over victims.

Since it spread, the #MeToo has proven to be a powerful catalyst for social reform, but the movement has faced criticism, ranging from people who feel it has failed to sufficiently represent certain communities (such as women of color, sex workers, or women in prison) to, inevitably, people who think it has gone too far (such as backlash from men who report they do not want to engage with women at work out of fear they will "get #MeToo'd").

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How #MeToo Became An International Movement

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MeToo dates back to 2006 on the social media site Myspace. Activist Tarana Burke coined the phrase as an empathetic response to other survivors of abuse, particularly girls and women of color. On the website of her youth organization, Just Be Inc., Burke recounts an encounter with a young women who shared experiences of sexual assault.

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