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Kids definitely open up more when they feel valued and heard. The silent nod is a skill I really struggle with, but I think it goes back to the idea of giving space to talk. When people don't feel like someone else is trying to talk over them, they are far more likely to say what is on their mind.

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Chapter 1 - K. Jennifer I have found that when acknowledging a child's feelings before asking questions it allows the child to feel safe enough to continue to talk. I like this strategy because it  doesn't require solving the problem FOR the child but rather allowing the child to talk, maybe ask questions or not, and they may even come up with a solution on their own. I use this tactic a lot. Something new that I will try is just nodding while not saying anything at all. 

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Chapter 1 - K. Jennifer I have found that when acknowledging a child's feelings before asking questions it allows the child to feel safe enough to continue to talk. I like this strategy because it  doesn't require solving the problem FOR the child but rather allowing the child to talk, maybe ask questions or not, and they may even come up with a solution on their own. I use this tactic a lot. Something new that I will try is just nodding while not saying anything at all. 

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I think these skills can be used in a purposeful way to help improve communication without enabling them to behave in inappropriate ways.

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Sometimes students don't realize what they were doing wrong until we put them in a position to recognize it for themselves!

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These strategies work in many settings. I think trying them in situations where you are most comfortable and least concerned about potentially coming off as insincere is a great idea!

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I think that is probably the most purposeful skill we can use. I have found that allowing students to express their feelings has helped deescalate many situations in my classroom.

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I found it sad on page 27 when Maria says "..no one had ever acknowledged her feelings when she was growing up." It costs so little to listen. :(       When some of our emotionally charged young ladies come into the locker room, I find myself saying "there is no reason to yell at me. When you are ready to speak to me in a softer tone, I am ready to listen." (I am convinced some students are allowed to have a very high volume in their households.) These students will immediately apologize because they are unaware that their hostile volume is unacceptable. We all usually end up laughing after they share their concern as they wonder why they are yelling.  I attempt to accept their feelings but I set boundaries regarding their method of expression.

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I found it sad on page 27 when Maria says "..no one had ever acknowledged her feelings when she was growing up." It costs so little to listen. :(       When some of our emotionally charged young ladies come into the locker room, I find myself saying "there is no reason to yell at me. When you are ready to speak to me in a softer tone, I am ready to listen." (I am convinced some students are allowed to have a very high volume in their households.) These students will immediately apologize because they are unaware that their hostile volume is unacceptable. We all usually end up laughing after they share their concern as they wonder why they are yelling.  I attempt to accept their feelings but I set boundaries regarding their method of expression.

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The acceptance of feelings or truly understanding the reality of the situation can be a difficult thing to process. Often times we may get caught up in the emotion of the moment. We sometimes want to "fix"the problem."  by changing the person. The complicated part is accepting students for who they are and balancing this with high expectations.

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I would love to try to "accept feelings even as you stop unacceptable behavior". Students are perceptive, though, and when you're not used to using the technique just yet, it can sound wooden and insincere. Maybe practicing on someone you know! I think it really helps to develop that emotional rapport with kids, while at the same time redirecting them from the destructive or distracting activity.

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I want to try to "turn" the conversation as the author spoke about in chapter one. Instead of getting angry, or giving a sarcastic remark, turn the situation into a situation where the student can express what they are feeling in order to better understand something.

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