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I don't have much to say about my baptism since I was too young to remember it. But I just wanted to put it out there that I was baptized into the Catholic church and I "practiced" my faith fully up until about 5th or 6th grade. That was when I began to lose faith in God and question my faith.

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I lived in this house for 10 years. You could almost say that this house was my childhood because of all of the memories I have there. I remember playing with my first dog, Opus, and just having fun with my sister. When I was REALLY young, I remember not noticing my parent's unhealthy marriage. That's what kept me innocent for quite a while. And going along with all of those good memories, there were also some pretty bad ones. As I got older, I started to notice that my parents were really unhappy and always arguing. At some point, around the age of 8, I'd start talking to my mama about it and she'd slowly tell me why they were always arguing. I also remember that I never spent very much time with my parents as a toddler. My dad would come home from work before my mama so I wouldn't see her until maybe 9:00pm. As I look back on that now, I really wish I could have spent more time with my mama. All of these memories really shaped my religious beliefs because I would ask God to make things better and, to be honest, he never answered my prayers. If anything, things only got worse.

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I got my First Communion in May of 2nd grade. This didn't have any impact on my faith since I was too young to realize that I had the ability to question it. I just remember I was the best speaker in the class so I had to say the Reading during Mass. Other than that, I had a good time because I really liked my dress, but that has nothing to do with my faith.

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Song: Memories That You Call by Odesza (Petit Biscuit Remix

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Song: Memories That You Call by Odesza (Petit Biscuit Remix

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Lyrics:
Can feel your heart
Yearning slow
Can feel
Slow all the memories, that you call

I feel like the lyrics to this song are really beautiful. What they mean to me is that you remember those memories of "long ago" and it's almost like you miss them and wish that you could live in them again. I honestly wish I could live as a child again when life wasn't that tough and I was oblivious to the bad things that were going on and just live in the moment.

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ODESZA - Memories That You Call (PETIT BISCUIT Remix)

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I went on a "retreat" every year since the 3rd grade. I didn't really enjoy them since all we did was watch cartoons about Jesus meant for toddlers and color pictures. You could tell it was put together really last minute, and it really bugged me that the people putting on these retreats didn't put in more effort into making this a really spiritual experience for us. You'd think that if someone really felt deeply about their faith, they'd do the best they could to put together something that's really nice. But it wasn't like that at all. So these retreats didn't have much of an impact on me because how poorly they were put together, and they reflected on the administrators religious ethics and how they didn't really care about teaching us in an interesting way.

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My parents got a divorce the summer before 5th grade. Because of their constant arguing, this didn't catch me by surprise at all. The divorce did hit me hard but not as hard as the events following it. In my Haiku Deck, I talked about some of my "friends" that stopped talking to me once they found out my parents' divorce. That hurt me the most out of everything that happened. So basically, this is when I first started to lose faith in God; because to me, I saw God in my friends and losing some of my closest friends meant to me that I was losing God in my everyday life.

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Relation: My mama's boyfriend

Typically in the movies, step parents are depicted as being terrible and annoying and the step kids hate them. But my relationship with my mama's boyfriend is quite different. We actually get along pretty well and bond over quite a few things. He also teaches me new things that I don't think my papa could teach me. In us talking about things, I found that we share quite a few similar views on things, such as politics. As we began to talk more and more, I found that he was also shaping my view on religion. This has led to us to bond even more and build an even stronger relationship

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In February of 6th grade, my best friend Taryn moved to Scottsdale, Arizona. She was one of my few friends that stuck to my side through all of the rough times. Her moving away didn't quite impact my faith as much as it just made me feel sad. She and I had known each other since we were 5 and knowing that I was losing a really good friend, not because of my parents' divorce but because she had to move away, just made me pretty upset. At the time she was moving away, I needed as many close friends as possible.

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Relation: My former school's principal (now working at St. Francis)

Mr. Carroll was my principal and religion teacher at my old school, Holy Angels. I think that he was the very first religion teacher that wasn't always trying to "force" me into the Catholic religion. Normally, my religion teachers would always say, "We (the Catholic church and my class) believe this! We believe that!" Now I understand that in a way that was their job but I swear, they would always jump down my throat every time I'd contradict them on a topic. Mr. Carroll was the first teacher who actually listened to my opinions and didn't tell me that I was wrong in my beliefs. He also helped me question what I did/didn't believe in, and I really think that that truly shaped my own religious views.