# data[].attributes.headline
I told Augustus the broad outline of my miracle : diagnosed with Stage IV thyroid cancer when I was thirteen . ( I didn’t tell him that the diagnosis came three months after I got my first period . Like : Congratulations ! You’re a woman . Now die . ) It was , we were told , incurable . I had a surgery called radical neck dissection , which is about as pleasant as it sounds . Then radiation . Then they tried some chemo for my lung tumors . The tumors shrank , then grew . By then , I was fourteen . My lungs started to fill up with water . I was looking pretty dead — my hands and feet ballooned ; my skin cracked ; my lips were perpetually blue . They’ve got this drug that makes you not feel so completely terrified about the fact that you can’t breathe , and I had a lot of it flowing into me through a PICC line , and more than a dozen other drugs besides . But even so , there’s a certain unpleasantness to drowning , particularly when it occurs over the course of several months . I finally ended up in the ICU with pneumonia , and my mom knelt by the side of my bed and said , “ Are you ready , sweetie ? ” and I told her I was ready , and my dad just kept telling me he loved me in this voice that was not breaking so much as already broken , and I kept telling him that I loved him , too , and everyone was holding hands , and I couldn’t catch my breath , and my lungs were acting desperate , gasping , pulling me out of the bed trying to find a position that could get them air , and I was embarrassed by their desperation , disgusted that they wouldn’t just let go , and I remember my mom telling me it was okay , that I was okay , that I would be okay , and my father was trying so hard not to sob that when he did , which was regularly , it was an earthquake . And I remember wanting not to be awake . Everyone figured I was finished , but my Cancer Doctor Maria managed to get some of the fluid out of my lungs , and shortly thereafter the antibiotics they’d given me for the pneumonia kicked in . I woke up and soon got into one of those experimental trials that are famous in the Republic of Cancervania for Not Working . The drug was Phalanxifor , this molecule designed to attach itself to cancer cells and slow their growth . It didn’t work in about 70 percent of people . But it worked in me . The tumors shrank . And they stayed shrunk . Huzzah , Phalanxifor ! In the past eighteen months , my mets have hardly grown , leaving me with lungs that suck at being lungs but could , conceivably , struggle along indefinitely with the assistance of drizzled oxygen and daily Phalanxifor .

# data[].attributes.subject
I told Augustus the broad outline of my miracle : diagnosed with Stage IV thyroid cancer when I was thirteen . ( I didn’t tell him that the diagnosis came three months after I got my first period . Like : Congratulations ! You’re a woman . Now die . ) It was , we were told , incurable . I had a surgery called radical neck dissection , which is about as pleasant as it sounds . Then radiation . Then they tried some chemo for my lung tumors . The tumors shrank , then grew . By then , I was fourteen . My lungs started to fill up with water . I was looking pretty dead — my hands and feet ballooned ; my skin cracked ; my lips were perpetually blue . They’ve got this drug that makes you not feel so completely terrified about the fact that you can’t breathe , and I had a lot of it flowing into me through a PICC line , and more than a dozen other drugs besides . But even so , there’s a certain unpleasantness to drowning , particularly when it occurs over the course of several months . I finally ended up in the ICU with pneumonia , and my mom knelt by the side of my bed and said , “ Are you ready , sweetie ? ” and I told her I was ready , and my dad just kept telling me he loved me in this voice that was not breaking so much as already broken , and I kept telling him that I loved him , too , and everyone was holding hands , and I couldn’t catch my breath , and my lungs were acting desperate , gasping , pulling me out of the bed trying to find a position that could get them air , and I was embarrassed by their desperation , disgusted that they wouldn’t just let go , and I remember my mom telling me it was okay , that I was okay , that I would be okay , and my father was trying so hard not to sob that when he did , which was regularly , it was an earthquake . And I remember wanting not to be awake . Everyone figured I was finished , but my Cancer Doctor Maria managed to get some of the fluid out of my lungs , and shortly thereafter the antibiotics they’d given me for the pneumonia kicked in . I woke up and soon got into one of those experimental trials that are famous in the Republic of Cancervania for Not Working . The drug was Phalanxifor , this molecule designed to attach itself to cancer cells and slow their growth . It didn’t work in about 70 percent of people . But it worked in me . The tumors shrank . And they stayed shrunk . Huzzah , Phalanxifor ! In the past eighteen months , my mets have hardly grown , leaving me with lungs that suck at being lungs but could , conceivably , struggle along indefinitely with the assistance of drizzled oxygen and daily Phalanxifor .

# data[].attributes.body
page 24

# data[].attributes.headline
"Anyway , I go in for my fourth driving test , and it goes about like this is going . ” A half mile in front of us , a light turned red . Augustus slammed on the brakes , tossing me into the triangular embrace of the seat belt . “ Sorry . I swear to God I am trying to be gentle . Right , so anyway , at the end of the test , I totally thought I’d failed again , but the instructor was like , ‘ Your driving is unpleasant , but it isn’t technically unsafe . ’ ” “ I’m not sure I agree , ” I said . “ I suspect Cancer Perk . ” Cancer Perks are the little things cancer kids get that regular kids don’t : basketballs signed by sports heroes , free passes on late homework , unearned driver’s licenses , etc . “ Yeah , ” he said . The light turned green . I braced myself . Augustus slammed the gas .

# data[].attributes.subject
"Anyway , I go in for my fourth driving test , and it goes about like this is going . ” A half mile in front of us , a light turned red . Augustus slammed on the brakes , tossing me into the triangular embrace of the seat belt . “ Sorry . I swear to God I am trying to be gentle . Right , so anyway , at the end of the test , I totally thought I’d failed again , but the instructor was like , ‘ Your driving is unpleasant , but it isn’t technically unsafe . ’ ” “ I’m not sure I agree , ” I said . “ I suspect Cancer Perk . ” Cancer Perks are the little things cancer kids get that regular kids don’t : basketballs signed by sports heroes , free passes on late homework , unearned driver’s licenses , etc . “ Yeah , ” he said . The light turned green . I braced myself . Augustus slammed the gas .

# data[].attributes.body
page 23

# data[].attributes.headline
"I failed the driving test three times." "You don't say."

# data[].attributes.subject
"I failed the driving test three times." "You don't say."

# data[].attributes.body
page 20

# data[].attributes.headline
"It's a metaphor," I said, dubious. Mom was just idling. "It's a metaphor," he said

# data[].attributes.subject
"It's a metaphor," I said, dubious. Mom was just idling. "It's a metaphor," he said

# data[].attributes.body
page 20

# data[].attributes.headline
“ They don’t kill you unless you light them , ” he said as Mom arrived at the curb . “ And I’ve never lit one . It’s a metaphor , see : You put the killing thing right between your teeth , but you don’t give it the power to do its killing . ”

# data[].attributes.subject
“ They don’t kill you unless you light them , ” he said as Mom arrived at the curb . “ And I’ve never lit one . It’s a metaphor , see : You put the killing thing right between your teeth , but you don’t give it the power to do its killing . ”

# data[].attributes.body
page 20

# data[].attributes.headline
"A hamartia?" he asked, The cigarette still in his mouth. It tightened his jaw. He had a hell of a jawline, unfortunately. "A  fatal flaw,"

# data[].attributes.subject
"A hamartia?" he asked, The cigarette still in his mouth. It tightened his jaw. He had a hell of a jawline, unfortunately. "A  fatal flaw,"

# data[].attributes.body
page 20

# data[].attributes.headline
But of course there is always a hamartia and yours is that oh , my God , even though you HAD FREAKING CANCER you give money to a company in exchange for the chance to acquire YET MORE CANCER . Oh , my God . Let me just assure you that not being able to breathe ? SUCKS . Totally disappointing . Totally . ”

# data[].attributes.subject
But of course there is always a hamartia and yours is that oh , my God , even though you HAD FREAKING CANCER you give money to a company in exchange for the chance to acquire YET MORE CANCER . Oh , my God . Let me just assure you that not being able to breathe ? SUCKS . Totally disappointing . Totally . ”

# data[].attributes.body
page 19

# data[].attributes.headline
“ Are you serious ? ” I asked . “ You think that’s cool ? Oh , my God , you just ruined the whole thing . ” “ Which whole thing ? ” he asked , turning to me . The cigarette dangled unlit from the unsmiling corner of his mouth .

# data[].attributes.subject
“ Are you serious ? ” I asked . “ You think that’s cool ? Oh , my God , you just ruined the whole thing . ” “ Which whole thing ? ” he asked , turning to me . The cigarette dangled unlit from the unsmiling corner of his mouth .

# data[].attributes.body
page 19

# data[].attributes.headline
"I think he's hurting her boob," I said. "Yes , it's difficult to ascertain whether he is trying to arouse her or preform a breast exam" 

# data[].attributes.subject
"I think he's hurting her boob," I said. "Yes , it's difficult to ascertain whether he is trying to arouse her or preform a breast exam" 

# data[].attributes.body
page 19

# data[].attributes.headline
“ Why are you looking at me like that ? ” Augustus half smiled . “ Because you’re beautiful . I enjoy looking at beautiful people , and I decided a while ago not to deny myself the simpler pleasures of existence . ” A brief awkward silence ensued . Augustus plowed through : “ I mean , particularly given that , as you so deliciously pointed out , all of this will end in oblivion and everything . ”

# data[].attributes.subject
“ Why are you looking at me like that ? ” Augustus half smiled . “ Because you’re beautiful . I enjoy looking at beautiful people , and I decided a while ago not to deny myself the simpler pleasures of existence . ” A brief awkward silence ensued . Augustus plowed through : “ I mean , particularly given that , as you so deliciously pointed out , all of this will end in oblivion and everything . ”

# data[].attributes.body
page 16

# data[].attributes.headline
"What's your name?" he asked. "Hazel." "No, your full name." "Um, Hazel Grace Lancaster."

# data[].attributes.subject
"What's your name?" he asked. "Hazel." "No, your full name." "Um, Hazel Grace Lancaster."

# data[].attributes.body
page 14

# data[].attributes.headline
“ There will come a time , ” I said , “ when all of us are dead . All of us . There will come a time when there are no human beings remaining to remember that anyone ever existed or that our species ever did anything . There will be no one left to remember Aristotle or Cleopatra , let alone you . Everything that we did and built and wrote and thought and discovered will be forgotten and all of this ” — I gestured encompassingly — “ will have been for naught . Maybe that time is coming soon and maybe it is millions of years away , but even if we survive the collapse of our sun , we will not survive forever . There was time before organisms experienced consciousness , and there will be time after . And if the inevitability of human oblivion worries you , I encourage you to ignore it . God knows that’s what everyone else does . ”

# data[].attributes.subject
“ There will come a time , ” I said , “ when all of us are dead . All of us . There will come a time when there are no human beings remaining to remember that anyone ever existed or that our species ever did anything . There will be no one left to remember Aristotle or Cleopatra , let alone you . Everything that we did and built and wrote and thought and discovered will be forgotten and all of this ” — I gestured encompassingly — “ will have been for naught . Maybe that time is coming soon and maybe it is millions of years away , but even if we survive the collapse of our sun , we will not survive forever . There was time before organisms experienced consciousness , and there will be time after . And if the inevitability of human oblivion worries you , I encourage you to ignore it . God knows that’s what everyone else does . ”

# data[].attributes.body
page 12

# data[].attributes.headline
I was a fairly shy person - not the hand-raising type.

# data[].attributes.subject
I was a fairly shy person - not the hand-raising type.

# data[].attributes.body
page 12

# data[].attributes.headline
"Augustus, perhaps you'd like to share your fears with the group." "My fears?" "Yes." "I fear oblivion,"

# data[].attributes.subject
"Augustus, perhaps you'd like to share your fears with the group." "My fears?" "Yes." "I fear oblivion,"

# data[].attributes.body
page 11

# data[].attributes.headline
“ I’m on a roller coaster that only goes up , my friend . ”

# data[].attributes.subject
“ I’m on a roller coaster that only goes up , my friend . ”

# data[].attributes.body
page 11

# data[].attributes.headline
Finally , I decided that the proper strategy was to stare back . Boys do not have a monopoly on the Staring Business , after all .

# data[].attributes.subject
Finally , I decided that the proper strategy was to stare back . Boys do not have a monopoly on the Staring Business , after all .

# data[].attributes.body
page 10

# data[].attributes.headline
There is only one thing in this world shittier than biting it from cancer when you’re sixteen , and that’s having a kid who bites it from cancer .

# data[].attributes.subject
There is only one thing in this world shittier than biting it from cancer when you’re sixteen , and that’s having a kid who bites it from cancer .

# data[].attributes.body
page 8

# data[].attributes.headline
“ If you want me to be a teenager , don’t send me to Support Group . Buy me a fake ID so I can go to clubs , drink vodka , and take pot . ”

# data[].attributes.subject
“ If you want me to be a teenager , don’t send me to Support Group . Buy me a fake ID so I can go to clubs , drink vodka , and take pot . ”

# data[].attributes.body
page 7

# data[].attributes.headline
Isaac and I communicated almost exclusively through sighs . Each time someone discussed anticancer diets or snorting ground - up shark fin or whatever , he’d glance over at me and sigh ever so slightly . I’d shake my head microscopically and exhale in response .

# data[].attributes.subject
Isaac and I communicated almost exclusively through sighs . Each time someone discussed anticancer diets or snorting ground - up shark fin or whatever , he’d glance over at me and sigh ever so slightly . I’d shake my head microscopically and exhale in response .

# data[].attributes.body
page 6

# data[].attributes.headline
This Support Group featured a rotating cast of characters in various states of tumor - driven unwellness . Why did the cast rotate ? A side effect of dying .

# data[].attributes.subject
This Support Group featured a rotating cast of characters in various states of tumor - driven unwellness . Why did the cast rotate ? A side effect of dying .

# data[].attributes.body
page 4

# data[].attributes.headline
Depression is a side effect of dying . ( Cancer is also a side effect of dying . Almost everything is , really . )

# data[].attributes.subject
Depression is a side effect of dying . ( Cancer is also a side effect of dying . Almost everything is , really . )

# data[].attributes.body
page 3

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Highlight (yellow) - Page 3 · Location 77 Depression is a side effect of dying . ( Cancer is also a side effect of dying . Almost everything is , really . ) Highlight (yellow) - Page 4 · Location 79 This Support Group featured a rotating cast of characters in various states of tumor - driven unwellness .