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Recently-Developed Cell Phone Policy Flickers Debate Between Voices

Abbie Lawrence
3d
Recently-Developed Cell Phone Policy Flickers Debate Between Voices
By Abbie Lawrence
11 comments

Jack Halloran 2d
Jack Halloran and Jack Albers - This article does a great job with its quotes, as there was plenty of information within them. However, the transitions were quite brief, so we believe that it would be beneficial to increase their length.

Lindsey Knight 2d
I noticed that you created a good title for your article. I wonder if you added a lead that it would be more attention grabbing for your readers.

Elina Parekh 2d
I liked how you addressed the topic clearly in the second paragraph, but I wonder if you could have some kind of lead in or hook at the beginning of the story, and you could also write the numbers as letters. (8 or eight)

Anonymous 2d
good quotes and transitions but no lead

Andrew Eysoldt 2d
Andrew E, Ava H, Ella N, Jamie D, Divy B- We wonder if you can fix your punctuation and start your sentences with something other than "and" in some parts. We noticed you were unbiased and showed all sides of the story.

Edward Kong 2d
I liked the transitions and the quotes, but I noticed that there were some sentences that suddenly stopped.

Mohnish Karthikeyan 2d
good article but transitions are breif

Rachel Young 2d
I love how your photo adds visual impact and meaning to your story! It truly shows one of the major problems with having cell phones in class.I also like how well you developed your story with a variety of perspectives from adults and students. I'd like to see you use just the most important parts of the quotes (you can take out less interesting parts such as when Thole offers you handouts for your binders, as long as you don't change the meaning.) I'd also like to see you introduce sources/format quotes properly.

Jack Halloran 7m
A question you asked in an interview says "The staffs always think these kind of rules are always beneficial but why?", this seems to stereotype the staff as if they ALL approve of the cell phone policy, which is an assumption. You may want to change the wording up a bit so that way the question doesn't seemed biased nor does it make an assumption in any way.

Abbie Lawrence 3m
Thank you Jack for notifying me, I have corrected my mistake and hope it is correct

Jack Halloran 1m
Looks like a masterpiece!
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cell phones nick adrian tod

Anonymous
2d
cell phones nick adrian tod
10 comments

Jack Halloran 2d
Jack Halloran and Jack Albers - The quotes weren't half bad at all! They were straightforward, and clearly presented the subject at hand. However, we believe the story was very brief, so we suggest that you should have larger transitions and longer quotes.

Lindsey Knight 2d
I noticed that you had good formatting with your quotes. I wonder if you added more punctuation it would be easier for your reader to understand.

Elina Parekh 2d
I liked your structure of your transition, but i think you could add a bit more to your transitions, and to your quotes.

Mohnish Karthikeyan 2d
Good job on your quotes, but remember to do correct punctuation and to do associated press style when you say eighth grader or seventh grader

Andrew Eysoldt 2d
Andrew E, Ava H, Ella N, Jamie D, Divy B-I wonder if you could add in punctuation and type out seventh rather than 7th. I noticed the hook was very good.

Rachel Young 2d
I really like the simplicity and wording of your lead! I noticed that you have frequent mechanical errors (lack of periods, missing capital letters, etc.) which makes your story seem less professional. I'd like to see you add more quotes to develop your story.

Anonymous 2d
Good quotes but it is very short that you might want to make iut longer.

Edward Kong 2d
I liked your quotes, but I think that the grammar could be improved.

Abbie Lawrence 2d
I really liked your use of quotes but I noticed that the article was a little too brief and your transitions were a bit brief too.

Jack Halloran 5m
Your story isn't half bad, however, I believe that it is quite brief. You may want to add some more information and wording into the story so that way it's more informal.
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New Cell Phone Policy Creates Mixed Emotions

Anonymous
2d
New Cell Phone Policy Creates Mixed Emotions
By Divyana and Jamie
9 comments

Mohnish Karthikeyan 2d
add a link to the article

Lindsey Knight 2d
I noticed that the ending quote sums up the whole story. I wonder that if you changed 7th and 8th to seventh and eighth like the AP formatting.

Jack Halloran 2d
Jack Halloran and Jackson Albers - Excellent job with the lead! It's simple, straightforward, and could easily be attractive to readers! But, we believe the ending quote was too brief, so if you could end with a more powerful concluding quote, then this story could very easily be published!

Elina Parekh 2d
I really like how you structured your whole story. Your hook was really good and drew me in. I think your end quote could be a little bit longer.

Anonymous 2d
Good overall but maybe better ending or concluding quote.

Edward Kong 2d
I like your lead and the transitions, but I think the ending quote could be lengthened

Rachel Young 2d
I am really intrigued by the idea in your lead about how cellphones have evolved the world and MMS--I think this could be the idea for a whole story! I would suggest making your lead about the big idea in this story, though... I really like how the transitions connect the ideas in your story. They made me want to keep reading! Be sure to introduce sources properly in your transitions and use last name said in your quotes.

Abbie Lawrence 2d
I really like your use of words and you made it professional with the help of your transitions and introductions.

Jack Halloran 5m
AWESOME lead! It's down to the point and I can be confident that it'd attract readers! Nice work!
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cell phones ella and ava

Ella Naveh
5d
cell phones ella and ava
7 comments

Mohnish Karthikeyan 2d
Good job on the quotes! You could improve by remembering to do AP style when you say eight grader and seventh grader, but great article!

Jack Halloran 2d
Jack Halloran and Jack Albers - THE PHOTO IS AWESOME! ABSOLUTELY FLAWLESS! However, the lead was a bit weak, so we're concerned that it may not attract readers. Just invest some work into the lead, and this article could be a masterpiece!

Edward Kong 2d
I liked the ending quote, it gave a satisfying ending to the article. I wonder if there was some word choice that could be improved.

Lindsey Knight 2d
I noticed that your photo was a great attention grabber for the readers. I wonder if you added the name of the person after the first sentence others would be able to understand the quote.

Elina Parekh 2d
I really liked your article, but since you used many long quotes, you could make a longer explanation .

Abbie Lawrence 2d
I really liked you visuals and where you placed them which made it look very professional and also your transitions were amazing!

Rachel Young 2d
I really like the quote from Ashford because it truly shows a positive change that has happened because of the policy--I think this would be a great ending quote. I love the surprising/thought-provoking fact in your lead, but I'd like to see your lead focus more on the big idea of your story. (The absence of cell phones in classrooms and hallways).
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Get your phone outta here!

Mohnish Karthikeyan
24h
Get your phone outta here!


8 comments

Edward Kong 2d
I noticed that your hook and first quote were well written, but I wonder if you could have ended on a quote.

Jack Halloran 2d
Jack Halloran and Jack Albers - The lead was great! It was snappy and attractive! Nice job with it! However, we wish the photo captured the subject at hand better, because readers might find it dull. So if you could invest some work into the visual, then this could be a great and wholesome story!

Anonymous 2d
Very ggod hook but you might want to end the story with the concluding quote.

Lindsey Knight 2d
I noticed that the lead was very intriguing. I wonder that if you put the first name of the teacher that you are quoting and what the teach would make it more professional.

Riya Zutshi 2d
I liked your structure. I wonder if you could end with a quote instead that make the end more powerful.

Mohnish Karthikeyan 2d
thank you Lindsey for that advice, I have fixed it

Abbie Lawrence 2d
I really liked your quotes but I wished that you had finished with a quote rather than a paragraph.

Rachel Young 2d
I like how you used rule of three and close echo effect in your lead to capture our attention. Robust words like drawback and pandemonium kept my interest. I'd like to see your headline written as a statement that reflects the main idea of your story and for you to end with a quote instead of talking to readers.
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Getting the Most Out of Learning by Putting Phones Away

Lindsey Knight
5d
Getting the Most Out of Learning by Putting Phones Away
Lindsey & Laasya
7 comments

Jack Halloran 2d
Jack Halloran and Jack Albers - The transitions were EXCELLENT! RADICAL! TRIUMPHANT! STELLAR! UNRIVALED! Anyway, we believe the transitions you wrote we very good! However, the lead started off good but seemed to quickly lose its energy. If you could invest some work into the lead, then there'd be a likely chance this story could get published!

Rachel Young 2d
Wow, fabulous lead! I love how concise, thought-provoking it is and how you use the rule of three to hook readers and introduce your topic. I'd like to see you add a sentence to your first transition that covers the 5 W's and H. I'd also like to see more in-depth student quotes. For example, why does Hill think phones should be allowed in the bathrooms and hallways?

Elina Parekh 2d
I really loved your transitions, they really pulled your story together. Maybe you could add more details to your explanations of the quotes.

Rithvik Maran 2d
I like that you clearly stated your points, they explain the quotes very well. I wish that you could use more for your transitions, not just one sentence.

Mohnish Karthikeyan 2d
Great transitions, better than I could have ever wrote, but you seemed to get more dull as the article went on

Anonymous 2d
good transitions but they would be better if you wrote more

Jack Halloran 3m
It's a good story. However, I believe that some of the transitions were quite too brief, so you may want to do a little more tinkering with it.
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New cell phone policy strikes controversy in the Mason Middle school

Riya Zutshi
5d
New cell phone policy strikes controversy in the Mason Middle school
6 comments

Rachel Young 5d
I noticed your lead right away! Your play on a famous quote and use of repetition really hooked my attention and made me want to keep reading. I wonder what research shows about how kids having cellphones in school impacts their safety.

Abbie Lawrence 2d
I really like your use of quotes and words. Plus your visuals are great.

Lindsey Knight 2d
I noticed that your lead was very intriguing and I wanted to read more. I wonder if you could have added a little more to some of your transitions to add more detail.

Jack Halloran 2d
Jack Halloran and Jack Albers - Nice photo! From a reader's perspective, it didn't look staged, and the blur added to the greatness of it! However, the transitions were a bit TOO lengthy, because it could bore a reader. We suggest that you trim down the wording of the transitions.

Mohnish Karthikeyan 2d
great photo, but transitions were too long

Edward Kong 2d
I like the quotes, but I wonder if you could make sure that your sources' names are correct (Reutter)
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Strengthened Cell Phone Policy Sparks Debate Among Students

Edward Kong
5d
Strengthened Cell Phone Policy Sparks Debate Among Students
By Eddie, Tanay, and Rithvik
8 comments

Jackson Albers 5d
Edot

Mohnish Karthikeyan 2d
Good article, but like a lot of other people remember to do AP style

Lindsey Knight 2d
I noticed that you had really good transitions that related to your quote. I wonder if you could change 7th and 8th to Seventh and Eighth it would seem more professional.

Lauren Nguyen 2d
I like how your structure is very organized and the transitions and quote format is nice. I wish that you weren't in the picture because you wrote the story.

Abbie Lawrence 2d
I really like your quick but great transitions and also I liked that you gave a lot of information on the subject.

Anonymous 2d
Good transitions but why are you in the picture, who wrote the story?

Jack Halloran 2d
Jack Halloran and Jack Albers - Great quotes! They were very informal and wholesome! However, the photo is decent, but it sort of felt staged looking at it from a reader's perspective.

Rachel Young 2d
I really like how you include the most interesting parts of the quotes and have a variety of perspectives in your story. Your transitions smoothly connect ideas and make me want to keep reading. I would like to see a more concise and creative lead, and for numbers to be spelled out. (Seventh grade...)
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Jackson, Jack, and Andrew Cell Phone Policy, Fair or Foul?

Jackson Albers
5d
Jackson, Jack, and Andrew Cell Phone Policy, Fair or Foul?
9 comments

Lindsey Knight 2d
I noticed that your ending quote was a very powerful quote. I wonder if you added a little more to your transitions it would make it even more powerful.

Mohnish Karthikeyan 2d
BEST ARTICLE I READ TODAY! But you could improve on punctuation when using quotes.

Anonymous 2d
Good overall but no enough quote fpor transitions

Jackson Albers 2d
thanks for that mohnish and Lindsey we'll remember that for next time

Anonymous 2d
I love the structure of your story and how well it is organized but, I wish that your hook was more relevant to the conflict and not about social media.

Jack Halloran 2d
Jack Halloran and Jack Albers - BEST ARTICLE EVER. FLAWLESS. NO CONSTRUCTIVE FEEDBACK NEEDED. EXCELLENT. AWESOME. BOOM. DONE. (Nah just kidding we wrote it lol.)

Edward Kong 2d
Great article! There was a nice hook and great ending, but I think that there were some mechanical errors around quotes and titles

Rachel Young 2d
I really like your quotes--each one tells a different aspect of the story and provided interesting perspectives.The rule of three in your lead grabbed my attention! I feel like your headline and the last line of your first paragraph don't reflect the real angle of your story. I'd like to see you focus more on the new/renewed efforts and reasons the policy is being tightened, as that seems to be more what your quotes are about...

Jack Halloran 2d
Thanks for the tip!
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# data[].attributes.headline
Recently-Developed Cell Phone Policy Flickers Debate Between Voices

# data[].attributes.subject
Recently-Developed Cell Phone Policy Flickers Debate Between Voices

# data[].attributes.body
By Abbie Lawrence

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Create a new document and edit with others at the same time -- from your computer, phone or tablet. Get stuff done with or without an internet connection. Use Docs to edit Word files. Free from Google.

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Create a new document and edit with others at the same time -- from your computer, phone or tablet. Get stuff done with or without an internet connection. Use Docs to edit Word files. Free from Google.

# data[].attributes.headline
New Cell Phone Policy Creates Mixed Emotions

# data[].attributes.subject
New Cell Phone Policy Creates Mixed Emotions

# data[].attributes.body
By Divyana and Jamie

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
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# data[].attributes.headline
Getting the Most Out of Learning by Putting Phones Away

# data[].attributes.subject
Getting the Most Out of Learning by Putting Phones Away

# data[].attributes.body
Lindsey & Laasya

# data[].attributes.headline
New cell phone policy strikes controversy in the Mason Middle school

# data[].attributes.subject
New cell phone policy strikes controversy in the Mason Middle school

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Create a new document and edit with others at the same time -- from your computer, phone or tablet. Get stuff done with or without an internet connection. Use Docs to edit Word files. Free from Google.

# data[].attributes.headline
Strengthened Cell Phone Policy Sparks Debate Among Students

# data[].attributes.subject
Strengthened Cell Phone Policy Sparks Debate Among Students

# data[].attributes.body
By Eddie, Tanay, and Rithvik

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# data[].attributes.headline
Jackson, Jack, and Andrew Cell Phone Policy, Fair or Foul?

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Jackson, Jack, and Andrew Cell Phone Policy, Fair or Foul?

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Create a new document and edit with others at the same time -- from your computer, phone or tablet. Get stuff done with or without an internet connection. Use Docs to edit Word files. Free from Google.