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How has the managers failure to take action hampered her ability to take action now?

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How has the managers failure to take action hampered her ability to take action now?

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What has the manager actually done by allowing matters to proceed as far as they have?

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What has the manager actually done by allowing matters to proceed as far as they have?

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What impact will their friendship have on the situation?

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What impact will their friendship have on the situation?

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Describe how this issue might be prevented in the future.

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Describe how this issue might be prevented in the future.

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-Follow attendance protocol and hold all staff equally accountable.
-Give feedback real time. Do not put off the disciplinary process.
-Counsel team members early when there is a deterioration of their performance. Elicit the "why", the behavior changed. Support staff with counseling or EAP.

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1) Does HR have a progressive absents policy and notification system?  Having a well defined HR policy related to attendance should have incremental mandatory notification processes for the manger to follow up with the employee.
2) Why did the supervisor not notify the staff member earlier on in the problem? The employee was not notified/coached early when absents were starting. This was a deficiencies of the supervisor.  Coaching support is needed for the manager. Leadership development programs for managers are available in many intuitions and should be utilized by this person.
3) Should all employees be held to the same standards? Do "good" employees get more leeway in these situations? No. Absentees should be handled in a consistent process.
4) How can we help leaders that are now supervising their former peers or friends? Seek advice from HR and peer managers. Set clear guidelines with all staff. Make them aware that friendship will not sway your leadership or your discipline if needed.
5) Are there extenuating circumstances of why the person is absent? The manager needs to investigate why the recent change in attendance. Does the employee need to seek out the employee assistance program or file for family and medical leave (FMLA)? The managers job is to guide the employee to these paths if they need it.

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You just learned that you've been promoted and will now be managing a team of your former peers - exciting news! That is, until the moment you realize that your good fortune means disappointment for your coworkers who didn't get the job. When you're promoted over people who have always been friends (or rivals), the power relationship is inevitably altered.

I've been working with teams for two decades, and the one thing I can almost guarantee is that there will be awkward moments as you transition from team member to team leader. But these three things can help ease your transition: one-on-one meetings with individuals, a team planning session, and swift intervention with resistant individuals. Here's how to go about it:

First, meet one-on-one with each member of the team. By having your first boss-subordinate conversations individually, you'll be able to personalize the message and be more candid than you can be in a group setting. Spend considerable time in each meeting listening to your new direct report. Ask questions such as "Take me through your objectives and where things are?" "Are there any specific areas where you would like my support?" "Tell me about your development planning and any career conversations you have been having." Listen carefully to the answers and always rephrase and summarize to make sure you're getting the right messages. That will allow them to relax and realize you haven't transformed into a maniacal manager.

Many newly promoted leaders make the mistake of stopping there. If you're going to establish yourself as the boss, you need to balance the friendly and inclusive approach with some signs of strength. That will give everyone confidence that the team is in good hands. You don't need to provide much detail, but do share your early vision for the team and any priorities that you will tackle first. Make room for comments and questions so your team members feel like coauthors of the plan.

At the end of each one-on-one meeting, enlist the support of individuals by asking for specific help in areas where they can add value. Everyone knows that you went from being a peer to being the boss overnight, and pretending that you suddenly have all the answers will damage your credibility. Ask for assistance in a genuine way that makes your direct reports feel valuable and engaged. For example: "Juan, you've always been the software expert. I need your help to get up to speed and to make sure I'm keeping the software issues top of mind."

Next, it's time for your first team meeting. If possible, try to make it a special format; ideally longer than normal and in a unique setting such as a conference center outside of town or a room in your office with couches instead of tables. If you can spend an afternoon and then go out socially after, it works even better.

Start by discussing the purpose of the team. Because you've already been a part of the team, you have all of the background. But this is the chance to evolve the mandate in accordance with changing times. Bring in some of the ideas from the one-on-one conversations and engage in a discussion about where you need to continue on the same path and where you need to change the trajectory. By making some modifications to the goals or priorities of the team, you will demonstrate that you're not just a steward of the former boss' plan but a leader in your own right.

Based on the mandate you develop, discuss the ideal meeting cadence for the team. What are the different types of meetings you'll need, how frequently do you need them, and with what durations? Meetings are often associated with the leaders who established them, so setting out your own meeting formats and times goes a long way toward ushering in the new era under your leadership.

Finally, spend some time explaining how you like to operate and what your rules of the road are going to be. If you can distill your philosophies into two or three guiding principles, it's really useful. For example, if you know that the team tends to be somewhat passive-aggressive, be explicit about your expectation that concerns be addressed directly. "I want to be very clear that all issues need to be shared openly so they can be resolved. Please don't come to me with an issue you haven't addressed directly with one another first." That way, if you need to deal with bad behavior later, you've set the precedent from the start.

By meeting one-on-one with your team members and then engaging in a conversation about the team's role and functioning, you will go a long way toward establishing your leadership. Be open and demonstrate that you are listening and learning but don't make the mistake of being wishy-washy in hopes of not ruffling any feathers.

Those two steps will get you off to a good start. If (or more likely, when) there are challenges to your role or your authority, be sure to deal with them swiftly and firmly. Here are a few examples of overt and covert challenges to your leadership role and what to do:

A decision is made without your knowledge. If you learn that a decision has been made that you should have been privy to, talk with the person and make your displeasure clear. "I just learned that you authorized a reduced price for Acme. That's a decision I should have been involved in. Let's go over the types of decisions you can make autonomously and the ones I need to be part of."

An issue that has been closed is reopened. Resistant team members will often attempt to reopen a decision as a way to test your authority. You can discourage that behavior with this approach. "We made a decision on that issue last week. What is leading you to raise it again now? Let me reinforce that we need to move efficiently and my expectation is that once a decision is made, everyone is on board and executing it. Dissent is welcome, but only before the decision is made."

A team member resists your leadership passive-aggressively. Often, resistant team members don't have the courage to challenge you directly. Instead, they show irreverence with subtle and not-so-subtle body language such as turning away from you in meetings, rolling eyes, or disengaging from the conversation. When that happens, start with a subtle response such as sitting directly beside or across from the person in the next meeting or walking around behind the person while you're talking. If resistance persists, provide direct feedback in a one-on-one. "In the last couple of meetings, you have been sitting at the back of the room and only providing one word answers to my questions. I'm concerned that you're not making the transition to me being the leader of the team. What are you willing to do differently to show you're on board?"

A group of people gang up on you. It's distressing enough to deal with one passive-aggressive team member, but that stress is amplified if multiple people are questioning your leadership or badmouthing you to one another. If you face this challenge, repeat the process of meeting with everyone individually and then addressing the issues in a team meeting. Be direct in your feedback and don't be afraid to make people a little uncomfortable: "I am concerned that you are challenging my decisions and that your pushback is encouraging others to do the same. What's going on for you? How do we get things back on track?" If there are things you've been doing that have contributed to the resistance, take responsibility for them. Use a team meeting to share the themes and then to reinforce the ground rules you set at the beginning: You expect people to address these types of issues with you directly in the future.

Your organization is demonstrating confidence in you by making you the leader of your team. Earn that confidence by balancing the humility to listen and learn and serve your team with the courage to assert your role as a leader when required. Valuable team members will adapt. Those who don't may need to find another place to contribute.

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What to Do First When Managing Former Peers

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You just learned that you've been promoted and will now be managing a team of your former peers - exciting news! That is, until the moment you realize that your good fortune means disappointment for your coworkers who didn't get the job.

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Conflict Management: Difficult Conversations with Difficult People

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Conflict Management: Difficult Conversations with Difficult People

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...results are likely better with active engagement rather than avoidance.

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Objectives: Upon completion of the article, the reader will: (1) Understand the importance of conflict resolution and management. (2) Recognize skill sets applicable to conflict management. (3) Summarize the steps necessary involved in a successful confrontational conversation.

Conflicts of various magnitudes occur frequently. You share a workspace with a colleague who consistently leaves the space disorganized and messy, which seems unprofessional to you since patients are seen in that office. Or a senior colleague insists being the first author on a research paper when you did all the work. In the preoperative area, the anesthesiologist disagrees with your surgical plan in the presence of the patient. A more extreme example would be a disruptive physician who yells or throws charts or instruments.

The frequency of conflict has been measured in several settings. In an observational study of operating rooms, conflicts were described as "high tension events"; in all surgical cases observed there was at least one and up to four high tension events. Another study found on average four conflicts per operation emerged among operating room team members. In a survey of 5,000 full time employees in nine different countries, 85% of employees dealt with conflict at work to some degree and 29% dealt with conflict frequently or always. Another viewpoint focuses upon "toxic personalities" defined as "anyone who demonstrates a pattern of counterproductive work behaviors that debilitate individuals, teams, and even organizations over the long term." Conflict occurs frequently when working with such people. In a survey, 64% of respondents experienced a toxic personality in their current work environment and 94% had worked with someone like that during their career. In another study, 91% of nurses reported experiencing verbal abuse. The impact of these interactions on mood is significant. In a real-time study, employees recorded interactions with a coworker or superior at four random intervals daily; the employees rated the interactions as positive or negative and recorded their mood. The negative interactions affected the employee's mood five times more strongly than positive encounters.

Some would argue that conflict may be beneficial in certain situations, but in others it has negative consequences. The proposed benefits of conflict include improved understanding of the task, team development, and quality of group decision making. The other line of thought suggests that conflict distracts from the immediate tasks and wastes resources on conflict resolution. Whether or not it is occasionally helpful, it is clear that many instances of conflict are harmful.

Conflict is associated with significant cost to organizations. In the study of employees from nine countries, the average number of hours spent per week on workplace conflict varied from 0.9 to 3.3 hours. In the United States, the average was 2.8 hours. The calculated expense based on average hourly earnings in 2008 was $359 billion in lost time. High rates of employee turnover and absenteeism are associated with environments where conflict is poorly managed.

Health care is a complex system that requires effective teamwork and cooperation to function well. Patient safety research reveals that patient outcomes are negatively impacted when conflict mismanagement and other dysfunctions occur. Another consequence of poorly managed conflict is disruption of care. In a national survey of physicians, almost two-thirds of respondents reported seeing other physicians disrupt patient care at least once a month. More than 10% of the respondents reported witnessing that behavior daily.

Frequent causes of conflict include lack of clarity with expectations or guidelines, poor communication, lack of clear jurisdiction, personality differences, conflicts of interest, and changes within the organization. Behavior that results in conflict could include bullying, limited communication or not sharing important information, and verbal or physical violence. Employees cite personality clashes, stress, heavy workloads, poor leadership at the senior and managerial levels, lack of honesty and openness, and lack of role clarity as the most frequent causes of conflict.

Although conflict cannot be avoided, it can be managed. Since conflict will always be present on an individual and organizational level, it is important to develop the skills to appropriately manage a difficult conversation or interaction. Experts agree that the skills necessary can be acquired; they believe that conflict competence can be defined and learned. One definition of conflict competence is "the ability to develop and use cognitive, emotional, and behavioral skills that enhance productive outcomes of conflict while reducing the likelihood of escalation or harm." The goal is to be competent in having difficult conversations. One model uses the terminology "crucial conversations and "crucial confrontations." A "crucial conversation" is defined as "a discussion between two or more people where (1) the stakes are high, (2) opinions vary, and (3) emotions run strong." Confrontations are those face-to-face conversations in which someone is held accountable.

Real life examples prove their statements and the benefits of improved conflict management. One group demonstrated that teaching the necessary communication skills resulted in 10% improvement in their habits of confronting difficult issues. With that change, customer and employee satisfaction, productivity, and quality also improved. An information technology (IT) group found that improved communication practices resulted in 30% improvement in quality, almost 40% increase in productivity, and near 50% decrease in costs. CPP Global report "Workplace Conflict and How Business Can Harness it to Thrive" study found "training does not reduce the occurrence of conflict, but it clearly has an impact on how conflict is perceived and can mitigate the negative outcomes associated with conflict."

The common underlying principles of all the models are that

1. Conflict is inevitable and that both positive and negative consequences may occur depending on how the conflict is managed.

2. The results are likely to be better with active engagement rather than avoidance.

3. People must be motivated to address conflict.

4. Behavioral, cognitive, and emotional skills can be acquired.

5. Emotional skills require self-awareness.

6. The environment must be neutral and feel safe.

Conflict Management Skills

One must also thoroughly understand one's own position. It is critical to gather all of the background information and any data necessary to discuss the conflict. Then one needs to achieve clarity about what is desired from the confrontation as well as what one is prepared to give up or compromise. Another key element is awareness of which outcomes one considers undesirable. Part of the preparation is consideration of one's own motivations and goals as well as the motivations and goals of the other party. This step seems obvious but is frequently not done or only superficially evaluated. Considering why a rational and ethical person would have behaved in the manner troubling you often opens an alternative view of the situation. The authors of Crucial Confrontations label this preparation as "mastering your story." In short, it is understanding from as many vantage points as possible how the problem situation might have developed.

The level of intensity of the conflict is another consideration in determining how best to approach the issue. One model divides the intensity of conflict into five levels. Level 1 is differences. Those are situations in which two or more people have different perspectives on the situation; they understand the other person's viewpoint and are comfortable with the difference. This level of conflict can be an asset for a team or organization because it allows individuals to compare or analyze without an emotional overlay. Level 2 are misunderstandings in which two people understand the situation differently. Misunderstandings are common and can be minor, but can also escalate when stakes are high. If there are negative consequences such as missed events or obligations people tend fault and accuse one another which adds negative emotions to the situation. If the misunderstandings are frequent, it may indicate problems with communication. Level 3 is disagreements; these are times when people have different viewpoints of the situation, and despite understanding the other's position they are uncomfortable with the difference. This level can also easily escalate if ignored. Level 4 is discord. In those instances, conflict results in relationship issues between the people involved even after a specific conflict is resolved. There is often constant tension between those individuals. Level 5 is polarization, which describes situations with intense negative feelings and behavior in which there is little to no hope of resolution. For those conflicts, the mandatory first step is the agreement to communicate.

Another aspect of preparation is to recognize your emotional response and how it might affect your view of the situation. Addressing a difficult situation when one is angry or frustrated is more likely to be ineffective than when one is calm. Several famous quotes illustrate the point.

"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret."

-Ambrose Bierce

"The great remedy for anger is delay"

-Thomas Paine

All conflict management research confirms that setting a safe environment is a critical element in successful management of conflict. In a safe environment, all participants believe they will be respected and treated fairly. The authors of Trust and Betrayal in the Workplace present a model that includes three different types of necessary trust. One is contractual trust or trust of character which is confidence in the intentions of others. The second is communication trust or trust of disclosures. In an environment with communication trust, everyone is comfortable that people will share information, be honest, and keep private information confidential. The final type is capability trust; when present, the participants have confidence in others' abilities to deliver on promises. That model recognizes that trust can be harmed by betrayal, but also rebuilt.

Another description of a safe environment is one with mutual respect and mutual purpose. Mutual respect involves using a tone of voice and words and facial expressions that convey respect for others as human beings. Mutual purpose is having the common goal of problem solving. Although the first model may seem difficult to achieve in all situations, mutual respect and mutual purpose are basic required elements for an effective discussion of a conflict.

How does one establish a safe environment? The conversation must be held in a private, preferably neutral, setting with enough protected time for the discussion. Some experts suggest that a potentially neutral way to establish the goal of joint problem solving is to start the discussion by describing the gap between the expected and observed behavior. Other options include asking for permission to discuss a topic or beginning with the facts from your perspective or your observations. It sets the wrong tone to start the conversation with your conclusion, particularly if it is harsh. One should share all appropriate and relevant information and avoid being vague. Other tips to maintain a safe environment include asking open-ended questions, focusing initially on points of agreement and using "I" statements. Some examples of "I" statements are "I feel frustrated" and "I am concerned." One must be aware of one's body language as well as tone and volume of voice.

Common mistakes to avoid are trying to soften the message by mixing it with complimentary statements or using an overly familiar tone of voice initially before addressing the problem. Most people feel they are being manipulated or treated dishonestly when the messages are mixed. Inappropriate humor or comments disrupt the rapport needed for a safe environment. Another common error is using nonverbal hints or subtle comments with the belief they can successfully address a conflict. This technique is risky because one is never clear on the other person's interpretations of the hints or comments. It also does not work to blame someone else for a decision or request you are making. It ultimately undermines any respect or authority you may hold. Asking people to guess the reason for the meeting, essentially to read your mind, is irritating and ineffective at problem solving.

Once a decision has been made and a neutral environment decided upon for the conversation, there are key elements to conducting the conversation. One organization (CMP Resolutions) terms this first phase as scoping. It includes the time to understand what is happening, each person's perspective of the conflict, and what is important to them, as well as establishing ways the involved parties can work toward a solution. The first step in the conversation is to allow all parties to state their opinions and their perspectives on the conflict. Before beginning, the ground rules regarding confidentiality and decision making should be outlined. Listening, respectively, to each participant during this step is very important. Asking clarifying questions without imposing one's own view of the situation is a skill that often requires practice. One must be aware of the tone and volume of voice to ensure that the environment remains respectful. Expressions of empathy such as "that sounds really difficult" are helpful in setting the tone and encouragement of information sharing. One should avoid judgmental or blaming statements. Listening skills are one of the primary skills to be developed when working on one's ability to manage conflict. Utilizing "AMPP" helps to remember four main listening skills that are helpful when faced with a problem. "A" stands for ask which starts the conversation and allows the other person to discuss their feelings about the situation. Mirroring (M) is a tool to encourage the speaker to continue or offer more information when they seem reluctant. The technique involves statements about what you are observing (e.g., you seem down today) in the other person and then asking a question. The third technique, paraphrasing (P), is the restating of their responses in your own words which shows active listening and makes clear whether you both have the same understanding. Finally, prime (P) refers to priming the pump. It is useful when someone is clearly emotional about the issue but reluctant to talk despite the use of the first three techniques. With this method, one makes a guess out loud about what the other person might be thinking or feeling. One must choose the words carefully and use a calm tone to avoid worsening the situation. The goal is to make the other person feel comfortable speaking. Other potentially helpful acronyms to use during conflict management are seen in .

The next part of the conversation is defining the problem. A consensus on the definition of the problem is necessary for participants to be able to compare and discuss solutions. As noted earlier, the problem might be defined as the issue with one occurrence, a pattern of episodes or the working relationship. After creating a mutually agreed upon definition, the next step is to brainstorm possible solutions to the conflict. If possible, these solutions should address the needs of all parties involved.

After a list has been created of alternative solutions, each participant should discuss their preferred solution. There also needs to be a "reality check" with the decision makers. Perhaps the ideal solution is too expensive or not feasible because of existing regulation or organizational policies. The goal is finding commonality and acceptable compromises that allow for all participants to feel like their needs are met and the conflict is being addressed. Once this solution is chosen, an action plan that outlines the "who, what, and when" of fixing the problem needs to be devised. Making sure that everyone involved understands their role and tasks are an important step to accomplish the solution.

Many models suggest that reflection on ways to prevent or more effectively handle similar conflicts in the future at the end of the conversation is beneficial. A follow-up plan is critical. If a plan with timelines is not designed and implemented, the behavior will typically change for a period of time but then slip back into old patterns. Whether the plan is another meeting, completion of certain tasks, or a system of monitoring, it should be defined clearly.

The typical behaviors are often divided into aggressive and passive aggressive categories. Aggressive behaviors include yelling, abusive language, intimidation, and physically aggressive actions. Passive-aggressive behaviors include intentional miscommunication, impatience with questions, racial, general or religious jokes, and implied threats. Despite estimates that only 3 to 6% of physicians qualify as disruptive physicians, the negative impact on the health care system is significant. The behavior undermines morale and productivity as well as the quality of care and patient safety. For example, nurses are less likely to call physicians with a history of disruptive behavior even when they need to clarify an order or report a change in a patient's condition. According to the Joint Commission, these behaviors "can foster medical errors, contribute to poor patient satisfaction and to preventable adverse outcomes, increase the cost of care, and cause qualified clinicians, administrators, and managers to seek new positions in more professional environments." In an academic environment, this behavior is associated with poor role modeling for students and trainees. Because of the impact, both the Joint Commission and the Federation of State Medical Boards addressed the issue in their standards and policies.

If the pattern of behavior is recognized early, a conversation with a trusted colleague or physician leader using the techniques described above might be sufficient to change the pattern of behavior. One model of corrective feedback starts by preparing the physician for the meeting with advanced notice and provision of a private setting and respectful atmosphere. Often asking the physician to provide a self-assessment of their interactions with others is a good starting point that can be followed with the observations of specific disruptive behaviors. Strategies for change and improvement as well as set expectations and a monitoring program need to be discussed and articulated before concluding the meeting.

However, most disruptive physicians require more intensive intervention. Reynolds argues that "constructive change in disruptive physicians comes through requiring adherence to expected behaviors while providing educational and other supports to teach the physician new coping skills for achieving the desired behaviors." A comprehensive evaluation including medical, chemical, and psychiatric evaluation is the first step. It is important to identify an underlying treatable condition. A program of remediation including educational and psychological training to foster new coping skills is outlined. A critical part of the program is long-term follow-through and monitoring. For most disruptive physicians, it is the threat of imposed consequences rather than internal motivation to improve that guides their compliance with the program. Several well-established programs offer resources for the training including the Physician Assessment and Clinical Education (PACE) program at the University of California School of Medicine, San Diego and the Distressed Physician Program at Vanderbilt University School of Medicine in Nashville. A composite case study of transformative learning to address disruptive physician behavior illustrates the process used.

Conflict occurs frequently and often results in significant disruption and cost for individuals and organizations. Although often avoided or poorly managed, evidence suggests the skills for effective management of conflict can be learned. Multiple studies confirm when conflict is successfully addressed, and multiple benefits accrue to the organization and individuals.

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Conflict Management: Difficult Conversations with Difficult People

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Objectives: Upon completion of the article, the reader will: (1) Understand the importance of conflict resolution and management. (2) Recognize skill sets applicable to conflict management. (3) Summarize the steps necessary involved in a successful confrontational conversation. Conflicts of various magnitudes occur frequently.

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Performance or behavior issues within a work environment can have devastating consequences if not addresses appropriately. 87% of employees have reported that behavioral issues from co-workers have negatively affected them while working (“Managing difficult employees and disruptive behaviors, 2018). Preventing disruptive behavior is the key and can be done through proper training and education. Employees should understand what behaviors are expected of them during training for the job. If behavioral issues continue even after clear expectations have been set than other actions will need to be taken.

When leaders fail to address negative behaviors than their actions are telling the team they have accepted them. Negative behaviors should be addressed quickly and decisively (Harris, 2010). For about 10-20% of the general population confrontation is not an issue. However, that means for 80-90% of the population confrontation causes some discomfort and even stress (Harris, 2010). Many people avoid confronting issues within the work environment because of these very issues. Avoiding problems will only allow them to grow into larger issues in the long run. When confronting an employee about negative behavioral issues be prepared and practice what you are going to say. Be specific and give the employee examples of the issues at hand. Stay calm no matter how they react but also keep in brief and get to the point quickly. Managers who do not confront negative behaviors because it makes them uncomfortable have failed their team as a leader. Every employee needs to be held to the same standards in order to keep a team moral and build trust with the leadership team.

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Fallon, L.F., Jr., & McConnell, C. R. (2014). Human resource management in    health care:    Principles and practice. (2nd Ed.) Burlington, MA: Jones & Bartlett Learning

Harris, Guy. (2010). Six Tips for Confronting Bad Workplace Behaviors.       Businessrelationship.com. Retrieved:       http://businessrelationshiprx.com/mentoring-and-coaching/six-tips-for-    confronting-    bad-workplace-behaviors/

Managing Difficult Employees and Disruptive Behaviors. (2018). Society for human           resource management. Retrieved: https://www.shrm.org/resourcesandtools/tools-             and-samples/toolkits/pages/managingdifficultemployeesa.aspx

Resker, Jamie. (2013). Addressing Bad Behavior at Work. Employee performance solutions. Retrieved: http://www.employeeperformancesolutions.com/managing-employee-    performance-blog/bid/88188/Addressing-Bad-Behavior-at-Work

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Be Prepared, Be Brief, Be Specific,
Explain the Impact, and Be Calm

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It is a fact of organizational life - negative, unacceptable behaviors will happen.
When they do, the leader must address them.

I normally emphasize the benefits of encouraging positive, productive behaviors over punishing negative ones. However, my clients and seminar participants often ask questions like:

"What about team members who don't want to play nice?" or

"What if I can't find anything positive to reinforce?"

The short answer is this: "Confront negative behaviors early and decisively."

When you fail to confront negative behaviors, you subtly signal acceptance of them. In effect, you encourage them to continue. As Admiral William F. Halsey said, "All problems become smaller if you don't dodge them, but confront them."

Personally, I prefer encouraging people to disciplining them. Encouragement is more comfortable to me - therein lays the problem. Encouragement is more comfortable to me. Any time I act out of personal comfort rather than appropriateness of response, I fail in my leadership role.

For about 10 or 20 per cent of the population, confronting problem behaviors is a no-brainer. These people are comfortable with confrontation. They do it naturally. However, the rest of us feel some stress and discomfort in a conflict situation.

My desire for peace and harmony sometimes stops me from quickly confronting negative behaviors. The paradox is this. As the leader of a team, if I do not address negative behaviors, I will get more of them. And, in the end, I will have less peace and harmony. In order to get what I do want, I have to do what I do not want to do.

Most people have a list of negative behaviors they have seen in the workplace. Here is a partial list of some behaviors/issues I have had to address:

Interrupting meetings

Supervisors treating employees poorly

Employees verbally attacking each other

Extreme body odor

Lack of attention in meetings

Too many personal phone calls at work

And many others.

For people who, like me, would rather avoid a confrontation, I offer these suggestions to ease the stress:
Be prepared
Pre-plan what you intend to say. In most situations, I don't suggest that you read a prepared statement. However, you should be prepared.
Be brief
Get to the point quickly, and stay on topic. You will find it easier to be brief if you prepare in advance.
Be specific
Make sure you speak about specific behaviors - not your interpretations.

Here are some examples:

Rude, inconsiderate, disrespectful, arrogant, obnoxious, flighty, unfocused, smart aleck, and pushy are interpretations.

Interrupting, rolling eyes, speaking loudly (or softly), shrugging shoulders, looking away, walking away, and tone of voice are specific behaviors.

Explain the impact
Tell the person how other people perceive their behavior or how it affects team performance.

State the desired alternative - Go beyond a description of the negative behavior to describe what you expect in the future. By stating the desired positive behavior, you can use positive reinforcement rather than punishment to drive performance in the future.
Stay calm
The behavior may frustrate you, but now is not the time to vent. You want them to focus on your message and their behavior, not your frustration or anger.

By failing to address problem behaviors, leaders get more of them. As noted behavioral analyst Aubrey Daniels said, "Problems in the workplace are often created not by what we do, but by what we fail to do."

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Six Tips for Confronting Bad Workplace Behaviors

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It is a fact of organizational life - negative, unacceptable behaviors will happen. When they do, the leader must address them. I normally emphasize the benefits of encouraging positive, productive behaviors over punishing negative ones. However, my clients and seminar participants often ask questions like: "What about team members who don't want to play nice?"

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Alice’s friendship with Jane has presented a problem. Alice and Jane had a face to face conversation, but nothing in writing.  The fact that their friendship interferes with operations policies restricting personal involvement with coworkers (Fallon & McConnell, 2014). Alice, as the supervisor, should follow the organization police and Jane should respect her position as the supervisor.

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Alice has made the situation worse by not making an action plan as an early opportunity, and avoiding confrontation with Jane, and by allowing her to continue with this excessive absenteeism, she has now created more work for herself (Fallon & McConnell, 2014).

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A Good Employee…….Except for

A supervisor, Alice, faced a situation with her employee Jane, that she had no experience in dealing with in the past. She reached out to a fellow supervisor for advice. Alice stated that Jane's excessive absenteeism was the issue she was dealing with. Jane, a long time employee of the company had used up all of her sick days within a short period of time. Although her colleague did not think it was that unusual for an employee to use up all their sick time, Alice was concerned because Jane had used it all within a short period of time. Alice had not given the employee written notification of her excessive absenteeism, she had only spoken to her face to face. There was no written record of this conversation as Alice felt bad about asking Jane to sign the form. Alice's reasoning for this was that Jane was and continued to be a good performer and a friend of hers.  She was torn on how to discipline Jane for something without destroying her good performance aspects. The colleague suggested she should stick to the policy as it is written.

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On one hand, a friendly relationship with your superior can lead to increased communication and a boost in employee morale. Personal friendship conflicts occur in the departments due to the blurred lines between supervisor and employees when employees do not respect the supervisors’ position as the superior in the workplace.

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Fallon, L. F., & McConnell, C. R. (2014). Human resource management in health care: Principles and practice. (2nd Ed.) Burlington, MA: Jones & Bartlett Learning.