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Development

This is an exciting time for both of you with plenty to look forward to, like your baby's first laugh. At this age your baby will also be keen to play.

Your baby is getting stronger and more active so it's a good idea to keep safety in mind - see our tips below. They might surprise you at how quickly they can roll and grab.

Your baby will really enjoy copying your facial expressions, babbling and mimicking sounds you make. They will love to hear you reading, chatting or singing to them. You can encourage them to roll over, practice 'tummy time', play games and chat to you.

Babies develop at different rates but generally by six months your baby will be able to:

* roll onto their front

* push up on their forearms and look around

* sit with support from a parent

* pick objects up and bring them to their mouth

* babble and mimic sounds you make. (NHS Choices, 2016a)

If you are concerned about your baby's development, talk to a healthcare professional to put your mind at ease.

Every baby is different

Let your baby develop at their own pace and encourage their achievements, whether they are eager to be on the move or are an early chatterbox. Just remember that when they do things is less important than how and what they do.

Some parents like to learn how to massage their baby massage around this time. You could include baby massage into your baby's bedtime routine to help your little one relax and go to sleep. Massage a great way of strengthening your bond with your baby. NCT baby massage courses also give you the chance to meet other local parents with babies of a similar age.

Feeding

Some babies who drink breast milk are still feeding frequently at this age. If you are breastfeeding, you may be able to leave your baby with another adult for a couple of hours between feeds, while you have a rest. You could also try expressing milk, so that someone else can feed them while you have time out or return to work.

The Department of Health recommends waiting until your baby is six months old to introduce solid foods. If your baby is younger than this and seems hungrier than usual they may be having a growth spurt. You can offer them more milk feeds.

Whether you feed your baby breast milk, formula or a combination, we're here to support you. Call our helpline for practical and emotional support on 0300 330 0700.

Teething

Your baby may start teething around now - although every baby is different.

Most babies start teething around 6 months (NHS choices, 2016b).

Your baby's health

When your baby is four months old, it's time for their booster vaccinations. You can expect the following boosters:

Sleeping

Your baby will probably need less sleep now than before (St James Roberts, 2012), although three month old babies can still sleep for about 14 to 16 hours a day. You might find your baby is getting into a more settled pattern of sleeping for longer periods at night.

You can encourage this by developing a bedtime routine at the same time each evening and doing the same activities each night. Their routine might include a bath, feed and a story. Bed and bath time can be a great time for dads or partners to be involved and spend some special time with your baby.

Playtime

Your baby will start to enjoy a wider range of games at this age. So get ready to have some fun with the classics like 'peek-a-boo'. Get more ideas in our games to play with your baby at this age.

Safety

As your baby gets older and more mobile, remember to keep your baby's safety in mind:

1. Keep small objects out of the way - your baby could pick them up and choke on them.

2. Don't leave your baby unattended on a bed or other surface that they could roll off.

Taking care of yourself

Being a new parent will still be hard work at this stage, despite some babies being described as more settled. Try to get as much help as you can - from your partner, relatives or friends. Make time for yourself. Going for a short walk, reading a book, having a chat with a friend or having a lie-down can help refresh you.

Sex after baby

You and your partner might start thinking about sex post-baby at this stage, or it could still be the activity furthest from your mind. Whatever you feel about sex, don't feel pressured and don't compare yourself to other mums.

Share your thoughts with your partner and explain the big changes that pregnancy, childbirth, and caring for a new baby bring. Only you can decide when you're ready to take the next step. Read more in our article called Sex after having a baby.

Finances

Another issue that might be on your mind is money. If you're used to earning your own money, being on maternity leave can take some adjustment. It can be difficult living on just your partner's wage and lots of mums miss their financial independence.

It's a good idea to sit down together to discuss this. Today there are lots of options to consider including shared parental leave, parents working alternate days, and returning to work full or part-time.

Further Information

Our support line offers practical and emotional support with feeding your baby and general enquiries for parents, members and volunteers: 0300 330 0700.

You might find attending one of NCT's Early Days groups helpful as they give you the opportunity to explore different approaches to important parenting issues with a qualified group leader and other new parents in your area.

Make friends with other parents-to-be and new parents in your local area for support and friendship by attending local NCT activities near you.

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3-6 months - Life with your baby | Baby & toddler articles & support | NCT

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This is an exciting time for both of you with plenty to look forward to, like your baby's first laugh. At this age your baby will also be keen to play. Your baby is getting stronger and more active so it's a good idea to keep safety in mind - see our tips below.

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PACE is a way of thinking, feeling, communicating and behaving that aims to make the child feel safe.

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PACE is a way of thinking, feeling, communicating and behaving that aims to make the child feel safe. It is based upon how parents connect with their very young infants. As with young toddlers, with safety the child can begin to explore.

With PACE, the troubled child can start to look at himself and let others start to see him, or get closer emotionally. He can start to trust.

Playfulness

This is about creating an atmosphere of lightness and interest when you communicate. It means learning how to use a light tone with your voice, like you might use when story telling, rather than an irritated or lecturing tone. It's about having fun, and expressing a sense of joy.

It is similar to parent-infant interactions when both parent and infant are delighting in being with each other and getting to know each other. Both are feeling safe and relaxed. Neither feels judged nor criticised. Playful moments reassure both that their conflicts and separations are temporary and will never harm the strength of their relationship.

Having a playful stance isn't about being funny all the time or making jokes when a child is sad. It's about helping children be more open to and experience what is positive in their life, one step at a time.

Sometimes a troubled child has given up on the idea of having good times and doesn't want to experience and share fun or enjoyment. Some children don't like affection or reject hugs. A playful stance can allow closeness but without the scary parts.

When children find it hard to regulate their feelings, anger can become rage, fear, terror, and sadness, despair. If this is the case, then children may also find it hard to regulate feelings of excitement, joy and love. Feeling these emotions can sometimes turns to anxiety.

Playfulness allows children to cope with positive feelings. It also gives hope. If you can help the child discover his own emerging sense of humour, this can help him wonder a little more about his life and how come he behaves in the ways that he does. When children laugh and giggle, they become less defensive or withdrawn and more reflective.

A playful stance adds elements of fun and enjoyment in day-to-day life and can also diffuse a difficult or tense situation. The child is less likely to respond with anger and defensiveness when the parent has a touch of playfulness in his or her discipline. While such a response would not be appropriate at the time of major misbehavior, when applied to minor behaviours, playfulness can help keep it all in perspective.

Acceptance

Unconditional acceptance is at the core of the child's sense of safety.

Acceptance is about actively communicating to the child that you accept the wishes, feelings, thoughts, urges, motives and perceptions that are underneath the outward behaviour. It is about accepting, without judgment or evaluation, her inner life. The child's inner life simply is; it is not right or wrong.

Accepting the child's intentions does not imply accepting behavior, which may be hurtful or harmful to another person or to self. The parent may be very firm in limiting behavior while at the same time accepting the motives for the behaviour.

One hopes that the child learns that while behavior may be criticised and limited, this is not the same as criticising the child's self. The child then becomes more confident that conflict and discipline involves behavior, not the relationship with parents nor her self-worth.

Curiosity is the foundation of acceptance of whatever underlies the behaviour. Making sense of how the child has learnt to behave in certain ways can help with acceptance.

Curiosity

Curiosity, without judgment, is how we help children become aware of their inner life, reflect upon the reasons for their behaviour, and then communicate it to their parents or therapist. Curiosity is wondering about the meaning behind the behaviour for the child. Curiosity lets the child know that the adults understand.

Children often know that their behavior was not appropriate. They often do not know why they did it or are reluctant to tell adults why.

With curiosity the adults are conveying their intention to simply understand why and to help the child with understanding. The adult's intentions are to truly understand and help the child, not to lecture or convey that the child's inner life is wrong in some way.

Curiosity involves a quiet, accepting tone that conveys a simple desire to understand the child: "What do you think was going on? What do you think that was about?" or "I wonder what...?"

You say this without anticipating an answer or response from a child.

This is different from asking the child, "Why did you do that?" with the expectation of a reply.

It is not interpretation or fact gathering. It's just about getting to know the child and letting her know that.

Curiosity must be communicated without annoyance about the behaviour. Being curious can, for example, include an attitude of being sad rather than angry when the child makes a mistake. A light curious tone and stance can get through to a child in a way that anger cannot.

You might make guesses about what a child may be thinking and feeling, saying this aloud, and keeping it connected to the present. It can be about having a conversation, almost with yourself, with the child in the room, without anticipating a response.

If an adult can stay curious about why their child is behaving as they are, the child and adult are less likely to feel cross or frustrated. As curiosity is non-judgemental, this can help the child to be open to how she, and other people, are thinking and feeling. Curiosity lets the child stay open and engaged in conversations.

Children then start to reflect upon their own inner life with their parent and therapist and start to understand themselves. As the understanding deepens, the child can discover that her behavior does not reflect something bad inside her, but rather a thought, feeling, perception, or motive that was stressful, frightening, or confusing and could only be expressed through her behavior.

As the child communicates this to the adults, the need for the behaviour may reduce, and with that the behaviour itself. The child's feelings about the behaviour may change, with less defensiveness and shame but more guilt, leading to less of the behaviour.

Empathy

Empathy lets the child feel the adult's compassion for her. Being empathic means the adult actively showing the child that the child's inner life is important to the adult and he or she wants to be with the child in her hard times.

Brené Brown on Empathy, RSA Shorts

With empathy, when the child is sad or in distress the adult is feeling the sadness and distress with her and lets the child know that.

The adult is demonstrating that he or she knows how difficult an experience is for the child. The adult is telling the child that she will not have to deal with the distress alone.

The adult will stay with the child emotionally, providing comfort and support, and will not abandon her when she needs the adult the most.

The adult is also communicating strength, love and commitment, with confidence that sharing the child's distress will not be too much. Together they will get through it.

The impact of communication using the principles of PACE

PACE focuses on the whole child, not simply the behavior. It helps children be more secure with the adults and reflect upon themselves, their thoughts, feelings and behaviour, building the skills that are so necessary for maintaining a successful and satisfying life. The child discovers that they are doing the best that they can, and are not bad or lazy or selfish. Problems diminish as the need for them reduces.

Through PACE and feeling safer, children discover that they can now do better. They learn to rely on adults, particularly their parents, and trust them to truly know them. They learn that their parents can look after them in a way that they could never do on their own.

When children experience the adults doing the best they can to understand them and trying to work out together more effective ways for the child to understand, make sense of and manage their emotions, thoughts and behaviour they start to believe that the adults really will keep on trying until things get better for all of them.

For adults, using PACE most of the time, they can reduce the level of conflict, defensiveness and withdrawal that tends to be ever present in the lives of troubled children. Using PACE enables the adult to see the strengths and positive features that lie underneath more negative and challenging behaviour.

Further reading from the Resource Library
All Resources concerning PACE

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Playfulness, acceptance, curiosity and empathy. PACE is a way of thinking, feeling, communicating and behaving that aims to make the child feel safe. It is based upon how parents connect with their very young infants. As with young toddlers, with safety the child can begin to explore.

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Learning what your newborn baby is saying to you....

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Learning what your newborn baby is saying to you....

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Learning What Your Newborn Baby is Saying to You

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Details the 6 states of alertness for newborns

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Infants, Parenting, Postpartum
by Dr Bronwyn Leigh

Babies have their own special language and it is our job to learn that language. By observing your baby you can begin to understand her language and communication. Being able to read your baby's cues and communications allows you to respond appropriately to her needs. One way to understand baby's communications is through recognising key behavioural states. This helps you decide when your baby is ready for sleep, feeding or interaction so you can provide most sensitively for her needs.

Dr. T. B. Brazelton, and American paediatrician with a long-standing career working with newborns, identified six states of alertness in newborns, described below. Noticing these states in your baby can help you read your baby's behavioural cues and recognise what she might need. All babies cycle through these states repeatedly throughout the day. Each baby is unique in her rate of change between these states; some babies oscillate quickly between them while others may spend considerable time moving between the states. Her rate of change will also depend on her stage of development.

Adapted from 'The Earliest Relationship', by T. B. Brazelton & B. G. Cramer

What do you think of these categories of states? Have you noticed them in your newborn?

Caring for a newborn is hard work. If you are looking for support in parenting your infant, contact us at the Centre for Perinatal Psychology. We work with you to help you understand your infant so you can better enjoy parenthood.

About the Author

Dr Bronwyn Leigh is a clinical psychologist, perinatal and infant clinician and early parenting consultant. She is Director of the Centre for Perinatal Psychology. Bronwyn specialises in the psychological aspects of becoming a parent, the emotional development of infants, and parent-infant relationships.

Contact us Today

Find a psychologist near you that can help you with parenting an infant. You can search by Location and Book Online.

Call us on 1300 852 660 or contact us to make an appointment or enquiry.

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Six States of Alertness for Newborns - Centre for Perinatal Psychology

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Infants, Parenting, Postpartum Babies have their own special language and it is our job to learn that language. By observing your baby you can begin to understand her language and communication. Being able to read your baby's cues and communications allows you to respond appropriately to her needs.

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Baby Sleep Patterns and Coping

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When you find out you're going to be a parent, one of the first things other parents will say to you is 'say goodbye to those lie-ins' and the luxury of sleep. Indeed, the undisturbed sleep you may have been used to before you started your family will be very different from the amount you get afterwards.

Recognising your baby's sleep patterns, however, can really help at times when you're wondering why your newborn baby won't sleep or why they seem to wake up so often at night.

Your newborn baby's sleep patterns

Babies need a lot of sleep because they have so much new information to process and they are growing and developing at such a fast pace. At first babies don't know that night-time is for sleep and day-time is for being awake. They gradually develop this over the first few months. In general, frequent night waking peaks at four to six weeks of age with many babies starting to become more settled at night-time from about 12 weeks.

At night, adults alternate between light and deep sleep. Usually about four-fifths of our sleep is deep sleep. In contrast, for babies, the split between deep and light rest is 50:50. The larger amount of light sleep that babies have means they wake up more easily than adults.

We all wake up briefly as we move from one kind of sleep to another but babies alternate between the two sorts of sleep more than adults, with a cycle of about 50 to 60 minutes. These brief arousals can lead to a baby waking completely or going back to sleep.

How to get a baby to sleep

Sometimes parents are encouraged to keep their babies awake during the day so that they will sleep better at night but this rarely seems to work. If your baby wants a day-time nap, keeping her awake might not be helpful. A tired baby, after all, is more likely to cry, fuss and cause you to feel more stressed.

During the early months, parents often use feeding as a way to settle their baby to sleep, including at night when they wake up. Young babies need frequent feeds during the day and night as their stomachs are small and all their nutritional content has to be taken in over a 24-hour period. Human babies are adapted for frequent feeding in the first few months to satisfy their demands for growth and brain development. However, as they get older they can last longer between feeds. (See articles on feeding.)

Holding, rocking or feeding a baby to sleep can lead to them becoming reliant on this to rest, including when they wake during the night. Many parents will go with this until their baby starts to fall asleep by themselves though.

If you want to encourage your baby to learn to fall asleep by herself or to get your baby to sleep through the night, without you or your partner being present, you could try one or more of the following approaches:

Place your baby sleepy but awake in her cot at bedtime.

As your baby becomes more aware of their surroundings and actions, introduce a regular bedtime pattern, such as a bath, bedtime clothes, singing or reading a book together.

It can be helpful to keep light to a minimum at night, and to minimise talking, playing and disturbance when your baby wakes up. For example, avoid putting lights on and nappy changing if possible.

For young babies, some people find that additional feeds during the evening, or semi-waking the baby for a feed between 10pm and midnight, can help babies rest for longer stretches at night. These are sometimes referred to as 'dream feeds'.

What about you? Tiredness in new parents

If you have disturbed nights, getting through the day can feel like a hard slog. You could try the following if you are suffering with fatigue after giving birth:

If you can, sleep during the day when your baby does.

Unplug or switch off your phone when you feed your baby or take a nap.

Take extra care of yourself in the day-time with nourishing food, gentle exercise and as much rest as possible.

Don't worry about non-essential jobs around the house and accept help from family and friends when it's offered or just ask.
Ask your partner to look after your baby in the evening while you get some sleep - or ask a visiting relative or friend, so you can both have a rest.
If you are finding it difficult to rest when your baby does even though you feel exhausted, talk to your health visitor or your GP, as it could be an indication of postnatal depression.

Some parents also choose to sleep in the same bed as their baby - referred to either as 'co-sleeping' or 'bed-sharing' (see ' Sleeping safely with your baby ') because it helps to maintain breastfeeding at night and can reduce sleep disruption for parents and babies.

Going without sleep or having your sleep disrupted can be physically and emotionally draining. And sometimes, it might feel like your baby just doesn't want to rest, despite everything that you try. This can be particularly stressful if you are returning to work, and for partners who are working and trying to avoid having disturbed rest. It's important to keep in mind that this period of sleep disruption - however difficult and tiring - won't last forever.

Further information

NCT's helpline offers practical and emotional support in all areas of pregnancy, birth and early parenthood: 0300 330 0700.

You might find attending one of NCT's Early Days groups helpful as they give you the opportunity to explore different approaches to important parenting issues with a qualified group leader and other new parents in your area.

Home-Start has a parent-helper visiting scheme and a helpline 08000 68 63 68 (Mon-Fri 8am-8pm and Sat 9am-12pm).

The national charity family lives has a free 24-hour helpline (0808 800 2222) for information and support on any parenting issue, including crying babies.

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Coping with tiredness and newborn baby sleep patterns

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When you find out you're going to be a parent, one of the first things other parents will say to you is 'say goodbye to those lie-ins' and the luxury of sleep. Indeed, the undisturbed sleep you may have been used to before you started your family will be very different from the amount you get afterwards.

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Evidence based sleep information - Basis Online

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Does everyone ask how your baby sleeps?

Does everyone else's baby seem to sleep more than yours?

Do you feel like you or your baby are being judged by how 'well' he/she sleeps?

If so, you are not alone!

When we have a new baby, many of us often find that talking about sleep causes others to offer (often unwanted) suggestions for how we can (or 'should') encourage our baby to sleep more. Although we all know that the first few months with a baby will involve disrupted nights, our expectations for how long this lasts, and our understanding of how normal infant sleep develops, can be unclear or unrealistic, and comments from others can be worrying:

Am I doing it right? Is there something wrong with my baby?

As sleep deprivation continues, we may search for bright ideas for getting a 'good night's sleep', or we may be tempted to try out the suggestions of family, friends, or well-wishers. But how do we know these ideas or suggestions are safe, that they won't affect our infant's health, or have long-term consequences?

It is important to remember that babies operate according to their own internal biological rhythms and they are unaware of what their parents are reading or being told.

Babies do not have a body clock when they are born. It often takes several months for a baby's day-night pattern of wake and sleep to become established, and for night-time sleep consolidation to happen.

During this time many parents just need reassurance that their baby is normal, and that their baby's sleep patterns are developing as expected.

In cases where we are unhappy with our infant's sleep development it may not be the baby that is problematic, but our expectations regarding sleep and babies' needs.

If you are a parent who is reading this site, we assume this means you are looking for information and want to make informed decisions. This is what we aim to provide, at least for those topics where there is good research evidence about normal infant sleep.

Where little or no research exists, we'll tell you - but if you are looking for information we don't seem to provide let us know, and we'll try to address that.

In the following sections we summarise what is currently known about normal infant sleep development, why babies sleep the way they do, and what research has so far discovered about 'managing' how babies sleep.

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Does everyone ask how your baby sleeps? Does everyone else's baby seem to sleep more than yours? Do you feel like you or your baby are being judged by how 'well' he/she sleeps? If so, you are not alone!

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Some strategies to help parents keep calm and soothe a crying baby

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How to cope and keep calm with a crying baby | Baby & toddler articles & support | NCT

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Keeping calm with a screaming baby is easier said than done. Tensions and emotions run high during those first few days, weeks and months. 

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Links to useful information on baby feeding

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Charity supporting parents of crying and sleepless babies

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Who we are

In 1981 a small group of parents, who were experiencing problems with their crying and sleepless babies, set up a support group. They discovered how important support is and how reassuring it can be to talk to someone. Today that support group has become Cry-sis, the only UK charity offering help and support to parents with babies who cry excessively or have sleeping problems. From modest beginnings Cry-sis has become a well-respected national charity which:

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Support For Crying And Sleepless Babies | Cry-sis

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Cry-sis, the only UK charity offering help and support to parents with babies who cry excessively or have sleeping problems. Call the helpline now...

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Includes: Soothing, Sleeping, and Information for Dads

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Adam Miconi, Ryan Steinbeigle, National Center on Shaken Baby syndrome, Period of PURPLE Crying

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The Period of PURPLE Crying is the phrase used to describe the time in a baby's life when they cry more than any other time.

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Details of support groups and charities to support new parents