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This ending is one of the most bittersweet. I have come to terms with this show ending, but I will miss it with all my heart. We had an amazing run, so many people loved our show and I've gotten nothing but compliments, so I wish we could take it further. I have to find a place to put my sweet army man, and I'll never forget all my lines loved by many during the ending Dionysus ritual. This was an amazing cast whom I loved dearly, and while I struggled after getting gaggled, these people kept me going. This show kept me going. I have loved being a witch the entirety of it and would not trade her for anything. Thank god I'm alive, thank god I was here, thank god for it all. And thank you Christine Defrancesco, for everything you have given to me in this life of mine. It was a hell of a ride, and I will remember every single moment, every single song, spell, laugh, tear, blood shed, broken bone, all of it. How could I ever forget?

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Oh my god. This was the best night of the entirety of my life. We had 493 people come to our show tonight. Every time we would walk out of the side stage door we would be met with screams and cheers. Every time a scene would end the roar of the audience was huge. My brother came up from SIUE to surprise me and see my show when earlier I had been crying because I thought he hated me because I was gay (rip). I had been met with compliment after compliment about my voice and my acting and my distinct character. I have never felt so alive because of a show. I have so many thanks to give and I don't even know where to start. When we were called back in to the PAC I was crying still and D winked at me and gave me a hug and I thanked her for all she had given me. Later we were up on the set and she wrote 10/28/16 on one of the standing planks and I took a polaroid of it. This is a night I can never and will never forget.

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Why do I have to go to school tomorrow? I am a pit of exhaustion times 50000. Of course it's worth it but like, my god. We spent all of today getting compliments and people raving out our show and others telling us they are excited to see our show tonight. All I know is when I get home after school there is a large nap in my future. Last night we had 220 people come which is actually fantastic for a Wednesday opening, and getting that standing ovation felt so amazing. I knew all this hard work would pay off, we didn't do this for nothing.

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Tonight we opened and it was one of the most surreal experiences I've ever had. I was watching the audience's reaction to melee one and it out a huge smile on my face. All the applause and laughter and gasps kept me going so strong. During our curtain call we had a huge standing ovation and I wanted to cry but I had to be cool and witchy so I didn't do that. I ran out to see my parents and they both had been crying and that's how I knew we did and awesome job. We really pulled through in advertising and hyping and we had around 230 people come for our opening night. It was beautiful. Fantastic. Inspiring. I'm in love with this experience and I can't wait to perform again tomorrow

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As I am writing this I am filled with exhaustion, stress, and a random need to cry. We open in 22 hours and 14 minutes from this moment in time. Exhaustion because today we had in school shows and I didn't get to take my daily nap like I do in schooo because I suck as a student. Stressed because of what I just stated. And a random need to cry for many reasons and because I'm usually in that state anyways. And I just keep thinking, I could have been banned from performing on opening night. But I'm not. I'm there as the third witch every. single. night. And I'm so grateful and happy because I am so in love with this role and I want these 4 nights. I need them. And I have them back. So I'll be there, top of the show, on that wing, ready to crawl in and sing. Not in the audience, crying because I wasn't allowed to.

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Today I got to take pictures of the show because Ben asked me to and D let me and I am so so happy with the turn out. Our tech is. So. Cool. All the lights with the haze is so sick, it made for amazing photography. Also I got to see a lot of scenes that I've never gotten to see before so that was pretty cool, especially during a dress rehearsal. I'm so impressed with us, and I am so happy to be here with this cast in this show. Breaks my heart in a week that it will be all over. But I'm here now, and that's what counts. Also, I call this picture "bloody royalty"

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Today I had this moment. D told us "if you want to prove yourself, now is your chance. So I was on the ramps and I just thought "I don't care if we sell out every night or 2 people come to see our show. That's not why I'm here. I'm here because I'm in love with this show and this character and this cast and I never want it to end. I've lived for every moment of this." And it was a fantastic and surreal moment. Also Dani wasn't here today and I died 15 times. It's so hard to be the three weird sisters when there's only 2 of you. But she'll be back Monday and we'll try again.

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Today we got through the second act and I am struggling with the rhythm of the spell. Hopefully since tomorrow we have mics the people backstage will hear me better and we can keep up with each other this time. Also Dani is getting sick which is a big yikes because we're getting really close and we need her to be here. It's just really hard to do our thing with only two of us. Also I feel like Dani and Katie always band together and shut me out so I don't even know what it's gonna be like without her. I can tell I'm getting on their last nerve but I don't even understand where I'm going wrong here, I just don't know. I just wish we could agree.

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So today Dani and Katie sat me down and had a talk basically saying that when we go off and practice our songs I sound great but when we get on stage it's like all our hard work is gone. And they say that if we sound like that no one is going to take us seriously. And if we sound like that they won't be proud of our performance. And that I need to focus on the acting and physicality less and the notes more. And that other people have complained to them. And I don't know what to do. I told them I'm trying and they just told me I need to try harder. And they said we didn't have this talk sooner because they thought I would've figured it out by now. But how was I supposed to figure out something that I didn't know was wrong? I'm not in choir. I don't do musical theatre. I'm not used to the balance. But they're telling me that I need to focus more on the singing than the acting, and I think that's ridiculous. There's another word I want to use but that's not appropriate. I'm so invested in this character and giving it all I got in acting because there's so much more to her than standing around and making a cool face. And they don't see that! They only see my inability to act and move while also hitting these notes! And I'm trying so hard. I'm trying so hard. But they just told me I need to try harder. And I don't know what to do to fix it, and I feel awful.

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We got our set up today! We spent most of rehearsal doing it but I think t was so worth it. It's so awesome and so much fun to climb and act on, and we did it together as a family and a team. I wish I could've helped more but by the time I was done with makeup there were no spots left to fill. But Katie Dani and i spent time figuring out the props for the spell and looking in the green room to try to find some. I found a snake and named him Gerard but we had to cut him up so rip Gerard. I can't wait to rehearse in costume and make up on our new set tomorrow and get a feel for how the show is going to be. It's just gonna be magical.

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Today Mr Whedoff injured his hand so the cast had to all work together to help contrast our set, gather props, hang posters, and work on make up. Each of the witches did their own design to test today. When we were faced with the set obstacles we banded together and god so much done. Right now it's all laid out on the stage upside down because we aren't done so can't have it standing, but we have a basic lay out to get a feel for what we're doing. I cannot WAIT for the set to be completely constructed because it's gonna be like a big wooden playground for the witches, we are all over this thing so much. I have never been so excited for a show, everyday is like a new and exciting day. I can't wait to show it to everyone and put it on, but it will be done as soon as it starts.

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Today is our last day in the study hall room and it's so bittersweet. We never used this space to rehearse a show before and we have made it our home. There are only few days we have spent outside of this room building this show. Countless fight calls. Warm ups. Read throughs. Songs. Blocking. Macbeth was born in the Huntley High School study hall room, and there was no more perfect place to birth and raise it. As we move on to bigger and better places, leaving here and putting it together for the last time is a bitter sweet moment. Time has passed in this show so fast and I wish it hadn't. Oh I wish it hadn't, I don't want this to end.

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#boycottwoodstockmenards2k16,
But really some people should just not work in customer service. But today we all messed with the new blood and it's so realistic looking but it just tastes like minty medicine, it doesn't really taste like real blood like ben said. But Jacobs the one who has it in his mouth anyways. Bijan posted a video of Jacob taking a capfull  shot of it and then letting t pour out his mouth, which was disgusting. It's so high quality though because we have specific blood for veins and for arteries. I'm so in love with the quality and focus of specific things of our show. We care so nmuch about every detail.

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I'm such a fan on how we show Ben the apparitions. I love the low key ties all throughout the show and the motifs. The way I do it is I grab him by mouth and then when it's all over I throw him to the ground. It makes me feel so powerful and so in control in that moment. The whole scene with the spell and the apparitions and the waltzing really show the witches' power and how they're in control though Macbeth feels he's in control when he becomes evil and feels powerful and infinite.

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Why must you make me feel the fool when you throw me into a scene we haven't run in weeks, haven't run through with the rest of the act, and haven't run in that room. Making me feel like an idiot when I get up there and can't do all I normally do. Call me out in front of the cast. Call me a waste of your time. Well the rest of them just get a note from Ava when they do stuff like this. I'm sorry to be lashing out. I'm so angry about so many things right now. And I'm angry at myself, and I just don't know what I'm doing anymore. Make me feel the child. And the scene isn't even in the script, it was written in. I don't know when Lady M is yelling at him for keeping the knife because I can't understand Shakespeare by reading it, I have to see it. Its not clear cut. Its not written out. Make me the child. I'm just expressing how I feel about the process like you told me to. Like I do every day.

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My favorite part of today was when we were testing out music for Duff and Beth's fight scene and we were testing out all these really awesome songs. Eventually Ben and Brandon started rocking out like it was a rock concert and they were hyping the few of us in here up and "smashing" guitars and singing and it was so hilarious and so much fun. In this show of tragedy and murder and death there are always moments of light and laughter and fun. Its how we get by, its how we keep pure.

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Today josh tested some makeup on me and it's nasty. I don't like the idea of blue green red because we look like the fairies from Sleeping Beauty. It's also not very post apocalyptic looking, it's more edgy scene kid looking. I love the black veins look dripping from our eyes a lot more. And it will look a lot better With the makeup that will bleed out of the dead tree shaved into my head. I love the look coming together more and more.

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I like the ideas happening with the waltzing lately. It's honestly my favorite scene in the show and I love watching it evolve more and more every time we do it. Also we ran through the spell and I wasn't memorized but because we ran it so much it's all in my head now. It was just hard for me because I have no past experience with it, and mine is a lot longer, and one sentence doesn't lead you to the other. But now that I have it memorized it's really easy for me. Now I'm fully memorized for the show and I'm super super happy about it

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I had so much fun taking pictures this morning. We took all these really professional ones while running through scenes and they are gonna look so sick. But I'm frustrated because at the end Leslie and ben had blood all over them and I took so many cool pictures but they didn't save on my phone which makes me ANGSTY!! But I edited this super awesome photo that Jason took

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Right now I'm watching the Banquo murder scene and it hits so hard. Theres this moment where Banquo realizes that Mac is the one after him. His best friend, his here to murder him. It is so heartbreaking and real and it hits me every time. Also when Mac is holding Banquo down and slowly forcing the blade into Banquos chest, Banquo lets out this blood curdling scream/cry. It hits me so hard emotional and twists my heart all around. It is so much better than it was before, so personal, so real. I am in love with this show.

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Today we took part in the homecoming parade and I had so much fun. Our float was beautiful and I loved the route we took this year because it was populated and it lead us into a sunset. The witches spent some time working on songs because we thought we were going to sing some but we only ended up stopping once where we only fought so we didn't really get to sing. We were out until 7 or 8 so I was exhausted so Im aboutta go and pass out. Peace

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I'm starting to feel gross and sick and I'm not a big fan of it. I've been so cold all day even with my 3 layers. When we got to pick our costumes for the parade today I picked the huge fluffy fur coat to ensure my warmth. I napped for like half of rehearsal today because we weren't doing anything since everyone else was picking out costumes and my immune system told me I should. I'm excited for the parade because the boys will show off the sword fighting and we'll have confetti cannons and it's gonna be a whole lot of fun.

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Today we had to manage to try to do rehearsal without Ben but it actually went really well. We got to be in the PAC and so we got to reblock fitting the prerimeter. Also Dani and I got to work on the crawling, RIP to my knees. Katie and I forgave eachother  so the witch stuff isn't awkward so I'm happy about that because I just want everything to be civil and okay. We started working on Tesselate today and created harmonies and everyone really liked it so I was happy. It's one of our easier songs and quick to pick up on because of the length and beat. I didn't mind learning this song!

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So much singing. So tired. The more songs we add the more inadequate I feel. I like the singing and I like the songs we do but I just don't feel good enough. I know that everyone keeps complimenting me and saying I was doing really good but I don't know that just doesn't make me believe it.

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Today I had an awesome time because I got to make masks and hang out with friends during our free time. We all just sat and talked while we made masks for ourselves and others. Also Dani, Katie, and I sad and talked about who we feel the witches are and their purpose and their origins and their powers. One thing we all agree on is the fact that we originate from the forest, made by nature and possibly a hire power. We were created, not born. We talked about how we showed the stairwell scene to the cast yesterday and they absolutely loved it. We didn't think it was that good because the song was rough but we got compliments for the rest of the day on how we're doing such a good job. This cast is so supportive day in and day out.

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I have all these really good ideas for this post apocalypse style that I'm finding on Pinterest but I can't actually find where to buy these items. Like there are these really cool cardigan cloak things that I LO V E but I can't find any actually place to purchase them. I'm trying to figure out how I can make the cloaks out of regular cardigans but I have no idea how to go about this. I'm tryin.

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Doing the spell today was so overwhelming, I don't know. My head was just so clogged up with unnamed anxiety and every time people would talk over each other or someone was too loud my brain would yell at me. I want to work and I want to pull my all in it but sometimes my brain is just screaming at me not to because it doesn't matter and I don't matter. I know it's not true but I'm just incredibly frustrated by it.

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It's a good day for Sophie! Today we finally got to tell everyone that my punishment was repealed and I hated keeping the secret but I kept it successfully. I felt so awful for Bijan because she got some of the butt end of my crap and I really really wish that hadn't happened to her. I can't express how thankful and sorry I am for her.

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Today we had a bonding activity day at Deicke. We went until 7 and I had so much fun playing games that included everyone and I got to interact with the people I don't get to interact with everyday. I got to watch the boys swim in the lake and we played a huge role play mafia type game and I just had so much fun. I'd love to do it again in the fall.

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I've been so up and happy lately. I get to wife Justin for one of the shows and do all of Bijan's stuff I've been really excited and I have stuff to do when Bijan is doing my stuff. But for opening night when I can't do anything I'm going to get a rose for everyone and give it to them and I'm gonna sit and cry in the audience because of this amazing show.

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I'm feeling really optimistic today. When D told me I can do the closing show I was so ecstatic, and I've been up ever since. I'm just so happy to get to share this with Bijan, because I know she appreciates me and she cares about me. I'm still so blessed to have this role and be in this position. I'm at peace right now.

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I'm so tired. I hate this so much. I was so happy. I don't have words.

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I have never been so into a character before. Everyday I can channel her to such an intensity. It reminds me of how real Jacob got for Hamlet. But I just feel so powerful. I feel strong and connected and important, I feel needed. I'm so connected to this character who is nothing like me. She is wise and strong and powerful and magical and has lived many lives through many years and I'm just an ordinary human. But I can feel her, it sounds crazy but she's there. I've never been so happy about a character from the start. I'm just so happy.

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In theatre workshop I was really amazed by some people. What I love about monologues is you get to see people's true colors and their style, they can't hide behind other people like they can in a scene. I was especially amazed by Brandon. His talent and drive amazed me. I'm glad I really get to know him this year.

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I honestly don't know what I'll do if I get a performance taken away from me. I've worked so hard, and so has everyone else around me, and it will affect all of them. And it isn't even any of their faults, it's mine. I messed up, I made the mistake, I should be the only one paying a price for it, it isn't fair to them.

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I finally finished mocking up some witches designs. I asked Brooke to pick her favorites and then I had Dani and Katie pick theirs and I'm going to do the full out sketches this weekend. I'm going to go into a lot of detail and I'm very excited!

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We tried to run Scars Flown Proud during rehearsal and it was 15 kinds of sad. So we went to D's room and worked on that song and Everybody Wants to Rule the World. We also blocked what we want to do with Jayden during Scars Flown Proud and how we can make each of us like like the virgin, the whore, and the mom.

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Little timelapse  of some more designs. I've found some tops on forever21 that I can base more outfits on and I love them, they're so cool. I just want this new age grungy feel. I'm so excited for the end product you have no idea.

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Currently sketching out many ideas for the witches costumes. Brooke and I agree that everything on the internet is either too revealing or not our vision. And she says she can't draw so I'm trying to help, and I'm having a lot of fun with it actually. I really love design and it was something about myself I didn't discover until our set design assignment for The Shape of Things, which I had so much fun with. Im really glad I can help.

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I'm frustrated that Jacob isn't understanding the laughing thing. D is trying her darnedest and so are we but be continues to be the brooding silent type. We try to pull up the energy of the scene because we all try to tickle him but nothing changes. Granted we have more time, so I hope he can figure it out because it would help him to get more of a range in the long run.

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Yesterday we were trying to figure out the witch spell, and Dani and Katie want to do this song and I'm just tired of singing. We have to work on the songs we've already made and we still have more to figure out. I just want to do my lines. Trust me, I love the singing and I have so much fun with it but I just want a break.

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Being a witch has such a level of empowerment to it. I feel so strong when I become one with the character, so in control. I've never been so connected with a character before and so committed. Here we're blocking the coronation and the witches are watching over and the lighting set up is going to be so cool and have focus on us and it just makes me so happy to have importance outside of our scripted scenes.

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I wish I cold do Shakespearean as well as the other kids in this cast. They remember their lines so effortlessly, it flows out of their mouths. I can't even remember "fair is foul and foul is fair". Just incredibly frustrating.

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Dani and I work on the Scars Flown Proud while on our off scenes in rehearsal. I feel bad because she does a lot of the work as the person who does choir, I'm just trying to get by.

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We didn't have practice today due to our welcome back theatre bbq, but Dani and I wanted to practice crawling in the house because we are sooooo excited! I feel bad for kind of shitting on being the 3rd witch, because I'm actually very happy now.

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Ben Johnson, our Macbeth, leads us in some stretches to warm the guys up to practice some fights they're about to run. These fights are so cool, these guys are so into it and they look so committed.

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Me and Jason help clean up the fighting swords after a fight call/rehearsal. It was exhausting today but I know I have a lot to look forward to.