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"...The evidence suggests that Assertive Discipline is not terribly effective. When various approaches to classroom management are examined empirically, some studies typically show 'positive' effects while others show no effects. It is rare to discover that a program has negative effects, but they have turned up in some studies of Assertive Discipline" (57).

I hadn't known that there was a specific name for this particular teaching style, but it was so validating to read about how it isn't effective. I have had teachers who utilized this teaching style and they were some of the worst teachers I've ever had. I felt alienated in those classes and like my teachers weren't on my side. Although I think it's important to have both positive reinforcement and punishment in a classroom in order to maintain balance, the concept of trying to force students into obedience creates what feels like an unhealthy classroom environment, especially if the students are neurodivergent.

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I'm not sure how to organize my response so I am just going to list some of the connections I have made, while reading Chapter 5, in chronological order.

The analogy of the student sharing their lunch (p. 73) makes me think of what I have learned about, thus far, of restorative justice methods of classroom management. The focus is on helping the child attend to how their decision to share has affected someone else.  The image I attached (because I can now!) shows the restorative justice process that a group would go through after a conflict. Khon suggests that teachable moments are what may results from conflicts. By laying who is affected by the conflict (step 4), or in the case of the lunch sharing, the altruism, it helps build a practice of introspection and self-realization.  It's assisting them in constructing an image of themselves as decent people, capable of compassion rather than basing their actions on rewards and punishments.

On page 75, Khon emphasizes the process of the classroom community thoughtfully creating their own guidelines. The process is the point. They must take time to really think about what they want out of a classroom community. I connected this to the article on white supremacy culture. The process of taking time to get it right instead of getting it done quickly (quality versus quantity) pushes against white dominant culture. One of the bullet points in the article is: Little or no value attached to process; if it can't be measured, it has no value, (Jones, K. & Okun, T. 2001) This goes against the constructivist classroom where the process is the point.

And just a quick thought on Chapter 1's reading and its connections to discipline and chapter 5... It was so validating to read Kohn's analogies describing the disciplinary teacher and what happens when they leave their class. As a specialist teacher who will take over classes for a short period of time, I witness this phenomenon and can gauge how strict the homeroom teacher is in every classroom. I also find it disturbing that some teachers are that disciplinary still today and will sometimes go under the radar or go unchecked because there isn't a standardized way of classroom management. I have heard first hand from the mouths of 6 year old how traumatic and abusive teachers can be. I never want to be that way and a feel ashamed when I think back on times when, overworked and running low on patience, I have slipped into yelling and time-outs. It's not a good feeling.

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“because that is how children become thinkers— by making up their own minds about whether something makes sense and figuring out how to convince others.” (Kohn, 2006, pg 76)

I really loved this quote in particular because it really speaks to how I think about learning. Being a free thinker is one of the greatest aspirations we can have for our students. And I think that there should be plenty of space for that in our classrooms. This connects well with Pinto chapter three where she shows multiple reasons why the authoritative management style is not to the benefit of our students (Pinto, 2013 pg 41-43). Though Pinto doesn’t mention this in particular I think it’s important to note as an authoritative management style might keep students from learning this reasoning skill to the best of their ability. I am interested in how well the Kohn method, of extended conversations in order to learn, works with high school students. I feel that much of our college classes are taught this way were the teacher is more of a conversation facilitator, but I didn't have any experience with this style in high school. From the limited experience I've had with high schoolers I'm not sure how many would want to participate that way or on topic they would be.

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"The constructivist classroom, I have been arguing, is one in which the process matters at least as much as the product. The wrestling with dilemmas, the clash of ideas, the need to take others' needs into account-these are ultimately more meaningful than any list of rules or guidelines that may ultimately result" (Kohn, 2006, p. 74).
I was struck by the reference to the constructivist classroom, a place where the learning is constructed together. Students are asked to engage with the material and take responsibility for sharing what they know, what they would like to know and how they might find out about any given topic. It is an environment where students are expected to be full participants in the creation of the classroom community and in their own learning. My kids attend a constructivist school and this is what I have learned from the teachers there. Kohn also shares that this type of learning can be more messy and seem chaotic, but is much more meaningful that a quiet, compliant group of students just repeating what the teacher has told them to think (p. 75). In a classroom where students are engaged, taking ownership of what is happening and invested in the outcome, the teacher has created a rich learning environment. There certainly will be conflict and differences of opinion, but these are opportunities to facilitate a discussion, to hear different points of view and to find a solution that works for all. This approach is not about controlling the students so that they behave and follow directions, but rather about building students' capacity to be critical thinkers and problem solvers.

The other quote that stood out to me was from p. 77:
"To create a classroom where students feel safe enough to challenge each other - and us - is to give them an enormous gift."
I believe it is important to create trust in the classroom environment where students have a voice and are able to express differences of opinion or of experience. Students bring a lifetime of their own lived experience and must have space to express it and teachers must allow it to inform their learning. The safety to disagree fosters meaningful discussion where it isn't about shutting students down, but about helping them to express and analyze their ideas more deeply.

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"For someone interested in goals, it makes little difference whether one resorts to nods and smiles rather than scowls and shouts, whether one prefers class meetings, positive reinforcement, or old-fashioned punishment. What counts is that the teacher has never given up any real control. What matters is that the goal is not learning: it is obedience." Kohn Page 60

Positive reinforcement, or old-fashioned punishment...
Which is better? My viewpoint is that there are many ways to teach students, some students will respond well to classroom presentations, others to small group work and through 1-1 lessons. For most kids a safe learning environment in which a teacher gives information in a mutually respectful way is appropriate and normal. In some cases, kids can be challenging. Some of these have attention disorders, dyslexia, ADD, ADHD, Autism and other mental conditions that will make a normal style of teaching more or less challenging. Some other kids have very emotionally challenging issues at home and some kids just seem unhappy to be in school, in those few students I can understand why some teachers might become very dictatorial or just have the student moved to a special education room.

I have some additional perspective of having been an exchange student in high school to Japan. In Japan the teachers are almost like God, they can be very authoritarian in ways that teachers cannot be like in the US, they can even scream and hit kids who are too uncontrollable, and the parents cannot complain unless it were a severe beating or a sexual harassment issue. I believe it used to be like this in the U.S. 100 years ago and probably before that. Students in Japan truly feared their teacher, they did not have the power to go to their parents, who will only tell their kid to not make their teacher upset. I honestly do not know which way is better...... I have read that in Sweden teachers are respected like in Japan, and they are paid six figure salaries, making super intelligent people who would perhaps choose to become a doctor or lawyer to instead become a teacher because their intellect will be (supposedly) more impactful or stimulating than teachers who are not fully invested.
There is great respect for teachers in Japan, the pay is good and so are the benefits. Here in the U.S we have defanged teachers, underpaid them and had all kinds of revisionists who want lessons to be taught to their political viewpoints to deny certain ugly things have happened, to gloss over historical genocide, lynching's and who invented certain technologies simply because of the inventors ethnicity or gender was not what the revisionists want their kids to learn about. I want to become a teacher because education is incredibly important for our society to maintain a leadership position in the world, to give our kids a chance at a great job in the future. Positive reinforcement, or old-fashioned punishment.... A teacher praising their students for working through a tough lesson vs a teacher bringing out a spanker. Studies by TIME indicate that spanking doesn't work..... Yet in countries where it is still allowed, are education levels better? https://time.com/the-discipline-wars-2/
I found one study that indicates that 80% of Americans think spanking is appropriate. https://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/lifestyle/general_lifestyle/february_2014/68_of_parents_with_school_age_kids_think_they_should_be_able_to_choose_school_with_spanking Has pendulum gone a little too far? I have heard of parents who disagree with what a teacher is teaching and sue the school. In my opinion teachers (Who have a zest to teach and are not bullies or burn outs) need to be protected and encouraged to teach the best they can because the kids are our society's future.

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Minnesota Vikings star running back Adrian Peterson was indicted for negligent injury to a child after he whipped his 4-year-old son bloody with a slim tree branch in September as punishment for pushing one of his siblings. The football player, and many others, seemed surprised that police got involved in what seemed to him a family matter. "I am someone that disciplined his child and did not intend to cause him any injury," Peterson said in a statement afterwards.

The incident turned up the heat under a simmering national argument about how to discipline children and about ethnic and regional differences in the use of corporal punishment. From conservative talk show host Sean Hannity to former basketball champion Charles Barkley, some leaped to Peterson's defense, claiming that many parents discipline their children using switches. Others, including former NFL player Cris Carter and child development experts, argued that it is a tradition that should come to an end.

While much is made over a racial divide in the use of discipline-by-force, the truth is, in large numbers, Americans of nearly every type approve of some form of corporal punishment. They use it, they underwent it, and they don't see any harm in it. America is a nation of spankers.

Yes, approval for spanking has dropped in the last 20 years, as the timeout has risen in popularity. But if you're an American of any race other than Asian, odds are you were spanked as a child. In a 2013 Harris poll, 86% of the respondents said they'd been spanked-almost a quarter admitting that sometimes the punishment was "too violent." And it's also likely that you think spanking is an acceptable method of discipline for children. More than 8 in 10 of those question in the Harris poll said they thought it was appropriate at least "sometimes."

The furor over the Peterson case reinforced some widely accepted myths, but it also raised important questions that are rarely asked outside scientific circles (and certainly not in many American homes): When does spanking become abuse? Is it harmful to children? Does it actually work to change behavior? And, most critically, is there any kind of discipline that works better?

(Chart: Americans' attitudes to spanking; not as different as you'd think.)

"My job is not to tell people what to do, but to tell them what the research findings are, " says Alan Kazdin, who has spent 30 years studying techniques that will tame children who set fires, punch their principals, and run away as well as kids whose rebellions are slightly less damaging.

And the research findings, says Kazdin, professor of Psychology and Child Psychiatry at Yale University and Director of the Yale Parenting Center, are overwhelming. Depending on how frequent and how aggressive, spanking can be destructive long before it becomes a clear cut case of child abuse.

In recent years, for example, studies have found that children who are spanked frequently have lower IQs, are more aggressive, and are more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol. In a University of California study, infants who were often spanked subsequently had higher spikes in the stress hormone cortisol when faced with a new experience, like being left with a stranger, compared to children who weren't spanked. Studies show that spankings result in higher production of stress hormones, which can make children less able to deal with other stresses.

These findings have held up even when other common risk factors for these behaviors-such as poverty, ethnic background, and whether a child is temperamentally aggressive-are taken into account.

"Moderate to heavy spanking [twice a week or more] predicts later mental and physical health and academic problems," says Kazdin. "It can change the immune system. Adults who as children were spanked regularly die at a younger age of cancer, heart disease, and respiratory illnesses. Spanking doesn't change a child's behavior, and even if it did, there are so many hazards to it that it's still not an appropriate method of discipline."

Though he works in a world-scientific research-that often cautiously hems and haws about its findings, Kazdin is definitive on this point, just as a group of Canadian researchers were when they issued their 2012 report on 20 years of corporal punishment research, published in the Canadian Medical Association Journal: "No study has found physical punishment to have a long-term positive effect and most studies have found negative effects."

If studies of any other phenomenon had such consistent scientific results, they'd be adopted wholesale. "If it were a diet pill, everyone would be taking it," says Elizabeth Gershoff, associate professor or human development and family sciences at the University of Texas at Austin, who studies how discipline affects children's development. "But Americans don't trust research when it comes to parenting and family life. We don't like to be told how to run our families."

One salient example of how resistant Americans are to what they perceive as government interference in family matters is the opposition of the U.S. Congress to ratifying a 1989 UN treaty on the rights of children, one of the most rapidly and widely adopted human rights pacts ever. It bans child exploitation and sets up protections for children from physical and mental violence. The U.S. signed the treaty, which indicates an endorsement of its principles, but by failing to ratify it, rejects it as legally binding. The only other nation that hasn't ratified the treaty is Somalia, a fact that President Barack Obama has called "embarrassing."

The opposition to the treaty comes mainly from groups who assert that because it requires U.S. laws to fall into lockstep with the principles of the document, it will usurp American sovereignty and the rights of parents to choose their religious training, prevent their daughters from having abortions or discipline their children as they see fit.

Supporters argue that the treaty actually reinforces the rights of parents and guardians by recognizing them as paramount, except in cases where the child is in danger. However, the opposition is probably right about one thing: under its terms spanking could be outlawed. At least 45 nations have instituted a ban on hitting children and more than 100 have outlawed corporal punishment in schools. [ See Map] In the U.S., 19 states still permit the use of corporal punishment in schools, but it may be on its way out. An ABCNEWS poll in November found that even parents who approve of spanking in the home oppose it in schools.

What the surveys generally don't pick up is the most common response that researchers get when they talk to people about their discipline practices. "What you hear is, I was spanked and I turned out O.K.," says Preston Britner, professor in the department of human development and family studies at the University of Connecticut and co-chair of the American Psychological Association's (APA) Committee on Children Youth and Families. "In the United States we have a violent culture, so clearly we all didn't turn out O.K."

That not everyone is "O.K." is something Marion Brannon sees every time she conducts parenting classes based on a program developed by the APA called Adults and Children Together (ACT/Parents Raising Safe Kids), which teaches parents how to provide their kids a safe environment and to protect them from violence-in the community, in the media, and at home.

"We do a very reflective exercise in which people talk about their own parenting styles," says Brannon, who works with families in Ohio. Seminal research by psychologist Diana Baumrind in the early 1960s, identified four major types of parenting style: very rigid or authoritarian, in which children are expected to follow strict rules in a "because I said so" way; authoritative, in which parents are firm but loving and responsive; permissive, or indulgent parenting, which places few demands on children but is nurturing; and uninvolved, in which parents makes no demands on children but are not supportive or communicative.

"We ask people to walk to the part of the room designated for each of those parenting styles, and there are a lot of defining moments. Tears. Anger. People start recognizing that the decision to hit their child isn't even a choice-it's something ingrained in them. And when we ask people who experienced a lot of physical punishment how it made them feel and if it worked, they usually say it made them angry, forced them to lie, to hide things. And they always say the same thing: 'I don't want that for my kids. Give me something else to do.'"

Studies suggest that one parenting style-authoritative-is more likely to produce kids who grow up happy and successful. Children of permissive or uninvolved parents generally have more trouble with self-control, have lower self-esteem, and don't do as well in school or life. In general, rigidly strict parents produce children who are obedient and do well, but have low self-esteem and are more likely to be unhappy.

Some experts do argue for the reasonable use of a mild form of spanking to enforce other, nonphysical methods of discipline, such as time-out.

"The only way to use spanking that has been shown to produce better outcomes in children than almost every alternative is conditional or back-up spanking, which is non-abusive, and should be used in children from 2 to 6 years old who respond defiantly to their parents' attempts to use milder tactics," says Robert E. Larzalere, professor of parenting and methodology research at Oklahoma State University, who has worked with Baumrind on several studies.

Conditional spanking, says Larzalere, consists of "a two-swat spank" on a child's bottom if he or she refuses to cooperate with a timeout, which involves sitting on a special chair or step for a few minutes to "cool down." The idea, says Larzalere, who was once director of residential research at Father Flanagan's Boys Home in Nebraska, is that by using physical punishment for defiance, the time-out chair becomes a more effective disciplinary tools since the child is more likely to start cooperating and the physical punishment can be phased out.

That type of spanking, he points out, is far different from the "frequent" and sometimes violent spankings that research finds are harmful.

But are "conditional" spankings what happen in the real world? Ethically, it's not possible to conduct randomized controlled studies on spanking, and short of installing hidden cameras in American homes-which is illegal-it's not easy to figure out what's really happening behind closed doors.

The one researcher who has come close, George Holden and his colleagues at Southern Methodist University (SMU) in Dallas, found a way to legally eavesdrop on a group of 33 mothers and their children by strapping audio recorders to the mother's arms and listening in for six nights as they interacted. Most of the mothers were white, and demographically speaking, all over the map, from lower income to upper middle class and higher.

The researchers were surprised-and, Holden admits, dismayed-to find that spankings were administered far more often than most parents admit and for petty infractions (one child was slapped for turning the pages of a storybook, another for sucking his fingers). They were also done with little warning-an average of 30 seconds after the child was told to stop a behavior. And the mothers weren't calm and intentional in their discipline either. They struck out in anger and frustration. One mother hit her seven-month-old. Another hit her toddler to remind the child "not to hit your mother." One hit her 3-year-old 11 times for fighting with his sister.

In prior studies, parents of 2-year-olds have reported that they spank or slap their toddlers an average of 18 times a year. Based on the six days of Holden's study, published in April 2014, these mothers would be spanking their children 18 times a week.

"These incidents provide a peek into how a disciplinary incident could escalate whereby a young child could be inadvertently injured while being punished or a repeatedly distressed child could be emotionally affected," the SMU researchers wrote.

The Holden study was small, but the idea that a spanking can escalate into abuse isn't far-fetched. Canadian research on child abuse reports found that 75% of the time, the abuse took place when a child was being physically punished. Children who were spanked by their parents were seven times more likely to be severely assaulted (punched or kicked) than children who weren't spanked. An American study found that infants who were spanked (about 30% of mothers in one study said they spanked their babies) were 2.3 times more likely to be injured enough to require medical attention than babies who weren't hit. And there are a shocking number of "line crossers," says Kazdin.

"Most people think child abuse happens because the parent is psychotic and hates the child, but tragically, it happens when people who think they're doing the right thing hit a kid too long and too hard, sometimes with an object, as in the Adrian Peterson case," says the University of Texas's Gershoff.

Even the most well-meaning parents, who may be dealing with financial worries, work stress, or are exhausted by a long commute at the end of the day, "lose sight of the long-term goals of disciplining children and focus on the immediate context goals, which are more parent-oriented," says Holden. "They just want the behavior to stop. It's amazing how often this happens. When you're having all these conflicts you get worn down and tired of it, it's easy to lash out."

The other problem is that parents are unwittingly modeling the very kind of behavior they want to quash in their children. Not only are kids who are hit more likely to hit, they may experience lasting brain changes if hit hard or frequently, that can affect their mental health and IQ. "It was clear from the tapes that these children were experiencing trauma-mini-trauma, not life or death," says Holden. "If it happens enough, it can result in neurological changes in the brain caused by stress hormones."

A 2009 study published in the journal Neuroimage found that harsh spankings-more than 12 a year, with an implement such as a belt or paddle-led to shrinkage of gray matter in areas of the brain linked to addiction, depression, and mental health disorders in a group of 23 young adults. Another study from the University of New Hampshire, presented at a conference on violence, abuse, and trauma in 2009, found that children who were spanked had lower IQs than children who weren't spanked-and the more spankings, the older the child, the steeper the drop in intelligence. Both studies controlled for variables such as parental wealth, education, stress, temperament, and even ADHD.

"Parents don't consider, 'what is this doing to my child's body and brain?'" says Holden, who found out in his most recent study, published in May 2014 in the journal Child Abuse and Neglect, that when parents (and nonparents) are given just a little information on these and other potential dangers of spanking, they start to change their minds. In that study, 118 nonparents and 520 parents were given summaries of the research on spanking to read. Afterwards, many weren't as likely to feel as positive about spanking as they had been. "There begins to be a shift in their attitudes," Holden says. "Not a dramatic shift. Not people saying 'I'll never do it again.' But you can at least get a foot in the door."

Like Larzalere, Holden says that an occasional mild spanking probably won't result in lasting harm, but it also won't result in lasting benefit. In his eavesdropping study, the kids who were spanked were acting up again in an average of 10 minutes. While some studies have found that spanking increases immediate compliance, there's not a lot of evidence that it changes long-term behavior.

For one thing, it teaches children what's wrong, but not what's right, says Kazdin. The feedback from spanking-tears and remorse-is often misinterpreted by parents. "You wind up in what I call the punishment trap. You think it works because it stops the behavior in an instant, so it maintains hitting or shouting in your repertoire, but over the next days, weeks, and months, there's no change in the rate of the behavior." That encourages the spankings and other punishment to escalate. "Even when you ask parents who abuse their children, as I have, whether it's working, they say no," says Kazdin.

Holden likes to quotes the late child development expert, Haim Ginnott: "When a child hits a child, we call it aggression. When a child hits an adult, we call it hostility. When an adult hits an adult, we call it assault. When an adult hits a child, we call it discipline."

Discipline by the Numbers

If spanking is unlikely to change your kids' behavior, what does work?

Most child development experts today espouse some version of "positive discipline," based on the work of Viennese psychiatrist Alfred Adler and his American counterpart Rudolf Driekurs and made popular more than 30 years ago by Jane Nelson, a child development expert and therapist-and, saliently, the mother of seven children. Her best-selling book, Positive Discipline, which uses the innate need for belonging and connection to encourage children in a nonpermissive, nonpunitive and respectful way to cooperate, is now considered a classic by many child development experts as a classic, though its most recent reissue says that there are only 700,000 copies in print. In the great universe of parents and parenting books, that's a virtual drop in the bucket.

Still, elements of that book provide the framework for successful programs, such as Kazdin's Parenting Center and Child Conduct Clinic at Yale (as well as his books, including The Kazdin Method for Parenting Defiant Children). These programs espouse a kind of "catch them being good" philosophy toward discipline, exchanging punishment for teaching.

Here's what child development experts recommend parents try instead of spanking:

Catch kids being good and reward it. Instead of focusing attention on curbing the bad behavior-which can be a reward for the behavior-Kazdin teaches parents to notice and high-five good behaviors. So, for example, instead of yelling at the kids for fighting over what cartoon they're going to watch on Saturday morning, praise them when they're sitting quietly watching a show together. Do likewise when, say, a green-bean-hating toddler takes a little nibble of a vegetable on his plate or a teenager is being civil at the breakfast table.

"When you're talking to your teenager, you don't want to be effusive. Say 'it's really nice sitting down with you for breakfast,' not what you want to say, which is 'it's so nice you're not being the creep you usually are,' which most parents can't resist, " says Kazdin, whose teaching style is laced with humor.

He's not a big advocate of trying to reason with a young child as a primary means of shaping behavior. "Reasoning helps build IQ, but it doesn't change behavior" as effectively as creating opportunities for children's good behavior to take center stage, he says.

Practice good behavior repeatedly. Kazdin takes a page from airline pilot training. "Pilots spend hours in a flight simulator in the hope that, if something does go wrong, like the plane that had to land in the Hudson, that practice kicks in," he says. So he advocates taking time to help children play-practice the good behaviors you want to see, like going to bed without a fuss. And then there's what he calls the "good tantrum."

"If your child has horrible tantrums that go on for 45 minutes during which he hits, swears, and throws things, how do you change that?," he says. "You play the tantrum game." This is, quite literally a game, preferably one you play when a child is on an even keel. "You tell the child that there are things he can't do. 'You can't throw things and you can't hit mommy and you don't scream. If you can have a good tantrum where you don't do any of these things, you get points, and with those points you can earn a reward.' " Once the child has thrown a good tantrum, he or she should be praised, counterintuitive as that sounds. "If he does it well, smile and praise-make it effusive-and say, 'you did this or that and it was great,' then touch the child in an affectionate way. By doing it this way," says Kazdin, "you increase the likelihood of your child changing his behavior."

These techniques, he says, have worked for the defiant and even violent children he sees at his clinic, "kids who would turn Mother Teresa into an abusive parent. So with normal children, it's a piece of cake."

Use age-appropriate discipline. Most parents know when their children should roll over, sit up, and start crawling, but far fewer understand how a child's cognitive processes develop so they're often at sea about when and how to discipline. Many have unrealistic expectations of their children.

"I've got smart, well-intentioned friends who email and say, you're a developmental psychologist, 'is my 18-month old disrespecting me?' No, your child isn't cognitively able to do that. But not everyone is sitting around with Google Scholar reading up on the literature" says the University of Connecticut's Britner. "We should have universal parenting classes in the weeks ahead of birth. My wife and I went to childbirth classes for six weeks straight. They taught us to breathe and push and that was it. Then it was 'Good luck for the next 18 years.'"

Most parenting books have a chapter on how a child's mind works at various ages and stages. For example, there's really no need to "punish" babies. Distraction works-taking the TV remote away and replacing it with an Elmo toy, for example, or dancing and singing to the soundtrack from Frozen to entertain them out of a cry. A baby who can't comprehend that things exist if they can't see them-hence separation anxiety-isn't going to absorb many lessons beyond what they learn from their here-and-now experiences: What falls on the floor stays there. It's still Mommy behind the peek-a-boo hands. I want this but, O.K., I'll take the other thing you're distracting me with. You love me. I love you. Let's never be apart.

Once toddlerhood and talking take over, parents get confused, says Clare Lerner, a clinician specializing in child development and parenting and director of parenting resources at Zero To Three, National Center for Infants, Toddlers, and Families in Washington, DC. "They start to misinterpret normal toddler behavior as malicious, disrespectful and misbehavior," she says. "Parents say to me all the time, 'He knows not to do that. He even tells me what he's doing in wrong.' But the truth is, even if they may have the cognitive understanding that something is wrong to do, they simply don't have the impulse control to stop themselves."

This is when the job of parenting becomes teaching children to make good choices and to "manage the frustration of not getting everything they want," says Lerner.

Setting boundaries, giving children limited choices, and sticking to principles even if it results in an unhappy child for a few minutes are well-tested techniques Lerner teaches. For example, she recalls one sharp 3-year-old named Amanda, who resisted her parents' efforts to put her to bed every night. Like clockwork, she'd need to use the bathroom, want a drink, and something to eat, and was so persistent that her parents eventually gave in. Then one night Amanda told her father, "Daddy, I want to let you know that when you put me to bed tonight, I'm going to be really hungry."

"They thought she was playing them and she was, but you have to give her credit-she was finding her way in the world," says Lerner, laughing. "Kids are little strategists and she found a strategy that worked for her."

Then, so did her parents. "They could have smacked her and told her to go to sleep and she would out of fear, but she wouldn't learn how to handle her emotions in a good way," says Lerner. Instead, her parents created bedtime rules: snacks, potty, and books come before lights out, and once lights were out, that was it. "They gave her a choice. They told her, if you're hungry, you can choose to have your snack right before bed, but if you don't have it then, the next time you eat will be at breakfast," recalls Lerner. When Amanda realized her previous strategy stopped working, she stopped using it. It took one night, during which she was miserable.

"The most important thing they did was let her be unhappy," says Lerner. "If you're waiting around for your child to like everything and always be happy, you're never going to have a happy child. Part of growing up is learning to accept that you can't have everything you want, but you're still going to be O.K."

Giving toddlers, who are grasping for some independence, some limited choices allows them to have at least a small say in what they do, she says: "Say, You can brush your teeth or I'll brush your teeth. Your choice. You can climb into the stroller or I'll put you in the stroller. Your choice. You're setting the rules, but there's always a choice."

Toddlers and older children respond to time-outs, particularly when they're upset. "Set a timer for two to three minutes and be encouraging to the child: 'I know you're going to do a great job of pulling yourself together,'" Lerner says.

And distraction works just as well with children from 2 to 6 years old as it does with babies. If, for example, parents are enforcing the one-hour TV rule (pick a favorite show, the TV goes off when it's over) there's bound to be some pushback, she says. "Give the child a few warnings like 'the TV goes off in five minutes' and if when you turn the TV off and the child flops on the floor and turns into a 60-lb. wet noodle, just say, 'I know you hate it when I turn off the TV, but you need to pull yourself together. Do you want to help me with lunch or do a puzzle?"

If that sounds like coddling, it's not. Lerner says. "Coddling is turning the TV back on. Everything after the TV goes off is learning to cope with frustration. Even when you're an adult, part of coping is finding something else to do."

For school-age children and teens, grounding or withholding privileges-like using the computer, watching TV, or taking the car-helps reinforce the rules and "helps them recognize that you're serious about their behavior," says Southern Methodist's Holden.

"With your 15-year-old, you want to make it clear what the deal is on the rules, and if they screw up, you take away the smartphone," says Britner.

Don't let your brain dial 911. In a perfect world, parents would all be at their best selves and in a completely rational frame of mind when discipline-worthy incidents arose. Or they might pause to consider whether it's kids' behavior or something else that is getting to them. And just as children churn out stress hormones when they're punished, so do parents when they're frazzled, angry, annoyed and doing the punishing.

"When we see misbehavior as a state of emergency, our bodies produce cortisol and adrenaline," says Laura Markham, author of P eaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting and founding editor of AhaParenting.org. "We have three choices, fight, flight or freeze. When it happens to kids, they may run away from you or fight, get defiant. We may be trying to teach them a lesson, but when this is going on in their bodies, they can't learn. They freeze." The parts of the brain that govern learning are shut down by stress.

Likewise, when parents get overwrought they may come at the child "with sirens blaring" and throw what Markham calls "a mommy and daddy tantrum: screaming, yelling, stamping feet and hitting." The same fight, flight, or freeze chemicals are taking over in them too and the situation can quickly get out of hand.

Time to act age-appropriately, says Markham. "We know that the frontal cortex [the part of the brain that governs executive functions such as impulse control] is less complete in children and teens. In fact, it doesn't become complete until we're about 25. We know that 4-year olds are not able to control themselves when they're in fight, flight, or freeze, but as parents we have the power to take a deep breath and know that we have a choice-to turn a storm into a tsunami, or calm it down."

When disciplined by someone in a calm state of mind, says Markham, a child remains open to what is said, but more importantly, to what is done. "Make yourself clear: Say, 'whoa, whoa, whoa, you're not allowed to yell at me or hit me. You're not allowed to run around the restaurant or take your brother's toy. You're not allowed to run into the street.' But calm yourself so that you can regulate your emotions, which will show your child how to regulate his. They learn to calm down not because you tell them to, because they've seen you do it. Not only will they better able to handle their own emotions in the future, they'll be less likely to act out," says Markham.

That's where the parent timeout comes in. What works for kids also helps parents, says Britner. "Take yourself out of the picture too, until you're calm enough to respond without anger," he advises.

This is especially helpful when dealing with teens, who may meet even the most reasonable demands with lots of sighing and eye-rolling. "That's the time when kids all think their parents have cooties or, I guess today that would be Ebola," says Kazdin. "It's hard to take." But, he says, don't lose your cool.

Parents often ask SMU's Holden for the magic solution to getting their kids to stop doing what is wrong or harmful, that shows they're serious, but doesn't hurt the kids. "I tell them, the only 'magic' is letting the child grow up, letting their brains develop and helping them gradually learn cooperation and reciprocity," he says. "And while that process is happening, don't do anything to damage them."

-All Photographs by Getty Images

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A Surprising Number of Americans Still Spank Their Kids

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Minnesota Vikings star running back Adrian Peterson was indicted for negligent injury to a child after he whipped his 4-year-old son bloody with a slim tree branch in September as punishment for pushing one of his siblings. The football player, and many others, seemed surprised that police got involved in what seemed to him a family matter.

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"But any time educators (or parents) frame the issue in terms of the need to change a child’s behavior, they are unwittingly buying into a larger theory, one that excludes what many of us would argue are the things that really matter: the child’s thoughts and feelings, needs and perspectives, motives and values—the things, in short, that result in certain behaviors. The behavior is only the surface phenomenon; what matters is the person who behaves . . . and why she does so" (Kohn, 2006, page 69).

It confuses me why Behaviorism still has such a prevalent role in the current world even though it has been shown to be unhelpful. I worked with infants and toddlers for three years, and I was very lucky to work with teachers who did not focus on behaviors but instead looked for the reasons the children were behaving a certain way. Addressing the root problem worked so much better than punishing the behavior. This topic also reminds me of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and its lack of client/patient involvement.  The behaviors are "wrong" and attempted to be righted through preferred behaviors and positive reinforcement, but the underlying mental health condition or trauma hardly gets the necessary recognition. This leads to kids with undesired behaviors being seen as "problem" or "bad" kids, but rarely are the kid's reasoning behind the behavior explored. I think we are overlooking and underusing one very easy tactic: ask them why they did it. When I asked a toddler why he kept crashing his bike into me after I explicitly said that hurt, it became clear he was simply trying to get my attention and knew this was one way to do it. Knowing his reasoning, I was able to talk to him and provide better ways at getting my attention that would not result in me getting hurt, and him having his bike taken away. I think a great place to start the discussion of classroom management and "acceptable" behaviors is by asking the students what they think that looks like, and give them tools to express their thoughts, feelings, concerns in a comfortable and understandable way.

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"Indeed, from this perspective there is something a little suspicious about classrooms that operate too smoothly, too cleanly. Here the conflict may have been pushed underground, or promptly dispatched by the teacher’s intervention. . . . Eric Schaps is quoted to have said “Deeper learning would look somewhat ‘messier’ than what I am seeing . . . . many teachers seem satisfied with easy predictable answers. Their questions do not often probe or challenge; their comments are often routine and formulaic. If teachers and students were really exploring ideas wholeheartedly, there would be “more conflict, more frustration” (Kohn 2006, pg. 77).

Life is messy. Humans are messy. Why would learning something and engaging with content be any different? Speaking from personal experience, when I am purposely getting into the weeds of understanding or attaining a level of mastery of a subject, it’s generally not a slow sunny Sunday drive of sightseeing. It’s more a disassembled pile of Legos that I've nearly stepped on that’s meant to be pulled together as a Lego representation of the Star Wars Death Star.

The ability to hold space for our students and ourselves to have conflict, to work through ideas, concepts, and applications, within a brave and respectful learning environment, is part of the joy of learning and mastery.

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"What we have to face is that the more we 'manage' students' behavior and try to make them do what we say, the more difficult it is for them to become morally sophisticated people who think for themselves and care about others" (Kohn, 2006, p. 62).

This quote really resonated with me, and is a poignant reminder of what it is that we are actually doing as teachers (and why).  I think that it is important to focus on what type of people we want our students to be by the end of their compulsory education -- if we want them to be strong and capable individuals with critical reasoning skills who are also empathetic and caring towards those around them, we cannot simply deposit unto them ideas about how they should be 'cultured' and compliant to systems of power, as if they were being 'trained' into a life of subservience from one authoritarian system to the next.  I agree with Kohn's (2006) notion that making as many opportunities as possible for students to make choices, especially together, is what really guides the building of their moral fabric (p. 68).  Instead of a teacher simply acting as an authoritarian role which demands respect and compliance from their 'lesser' students, I like the approach that allows for more participation in the exploration of moral and ethical boundaries/dilemmas (and why those boundaries exist in society) to teach students that they have an active role to play in their place in society with regards to creating a safe and inclusive community.  When children are just told how to think about these issues, they are denied the opportunity for a lesson in why it resonates with them on an individual level, and do not get to challenge their own beliefs in a way that is self-exploratory.  One example that comes to mind is when I taught ESL in Japan, which has a fairly strict cultural code and teachers tend to be very discipline/authority-oriented.  I noticed that despite this very strict teaching style, many students still 'misbehaved' at a high rate, which at the time seemed counter-intuitive.  I feel that this happened because many students felt "...threatened into compliance" (Kohn, 2006, p. 62), and as such felt the need to break the 'rules' whenever they felt like the saw a situation where they could push the limits.

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"We want Children to continue reading and thinking after school has ended, yet we focus their attention on grades, which have shown to reduce interest in learning (Kohn 1993a, 1994). We want them to be critical thinkers, yet we feed them predigested facts and discrete skills- partly because of pressure from various constituencies to pump up standardize test scores." (Kohn page 61)
There are so many passages that stood out to me while reading chapter 5 but this is one of them that really stood out for me! During my education (I graduated school in 2013) standardize tests were a huge thing. The grades you got on the state tests in middle and high school, depended on whether or not you would be able to take extra curricular classes such as french or choir etc. Which in my experience was pretty hard to experience. Though looking back, I do understand that they want students to reach a certain requirement but still. When the attention is grades and scores, it takes the fun out of learning because it can make the student stress over the "outcome" rather than the experience and adventure of learning. The focus on grades can make even a student's favorite subject feel like a chore. Not to mention it can cause a lot of anxiety and other problems. As a teacher, I don't want grades to interfere with the excitement of learning... and learn to use grades in a more positive way (because of course I know we need them). Also give my students support if they hold any concerns or anxiety over scores.

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"...we focus their attention on grades, which have been shown to reduce interest in learning (Kohn 1993a, 1994). We want them to be critical thinkers yet we feed them predigested facts  and discrete skills--partly from pressure from various constituencies to pump up standardized test scores.  We act as though our goal is short-term retention of right answers rather than genuine understanding. (Kohn, 2006, p.61)"

I appreciate this quote from Kohn because it affirms my own philosophies on teaching and grading. When planning my own classroom curriculum, I hope to not give any homework and place my grading more on effort, participation, and presence, rather than traditional methods. I want my students to have a strong understanding of the content and apply it to their own lives, instead of memorize facts for a test. I hope as educators, we are able to move away from the pressures of grades and standardizing and more towards instilling the joy of learning in our students.

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- which is to say, if she makes a habit of trusting them and has earned their respect.  I am talking about a teacher who doesn't compel kids to learn or care because she said so, but instead helps them to experience the value of learning and caring. (pg.63)

I am a firm believer that RESPECT should be the major foundation of a classroom because when you have a lot of different personalities in one classroom, respect is one thing they all know how to manage.  And if they don't know how to respect others, it can be taught with positive words and being the example. When everyone respects one another in a classroom it creates that equal environment where it allows the teacher and students to communicate clearly with understanding. Allows them to interact with each other so they can come up with ideas or solutions that fits everyone needs in the classroom. And in the quote, it allows them to experience the value of learning and caring and so much more.

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Prior to reading chapter 5 of the Kohn text, I had listened to a podcast episode about biases that medical care providers have against fat people, and how assumptions those care providers make about people’s bodies and health impact the way they treat patients. While this example does not directly overlap with the Kohn reading, I reflected while reading on how the mindsets presented in that podcast may mirror some of the mindsets educators have about classroom management and the nature of students that contribute to potentially negative outcomes on students. For example, the podcast mentioned briefly that some medical care providers consider overweight patients ‘non-compliant’ or ‘poor listeners.’ These assumptions appeared indirectly in the Kohn reading, in that many classroom management programs focus on redirecting and training the behavior of students to force compliance with set routines and good listening skills. In the section about Assertive Discipline, Kohn (2006) writes that “the latest edition of the Assertive Discipline manual contains a bit of perfunctory talk about helping students develop ‘responsibility’ and ‘self-esteem,’ but even the most cursory exposure to the program makes it clear that the overriding goal is to get students to do whatever they are told without question” (p. 57). In this example from the Kohn text, the underlying assumption I see overlapping with what I heard in the podcast is that educators subscribing to the use of Assertive Discipline must go into its adoption thinking that students will be non-compliant with classroom rules and expectations without harsh force, or that their true nature is not to listen well without being trained into it. Much like medical care providers who ultimately hurt patients with assumptions that overweight patients are poor listeners or non-compliant with medical advice, educators can guide students away from the goal of becoming learners who are “morally sophisticated people who think for themselves and care about others” (Kohn, 2006, p.62) when they approach students and classroom management with a set of conscious or subconscious assumptions that children are by nature non-compliant, bad at listening, or need rewards to train good behavior and study habits. In my own approach to classroom management, I would like to reflect more often on the assumptions I may have about students and their behavior so I can shift my practice more toward the actual outcomes I would like to see. In the past I noticed that I plan routines and systems heavily around worst-case scenarios before I even meet my students because I fear conflict and being unprepared. This year I would like to reevaluate how I approach classroom management and lean more toward Kohn’s suggestions at the end of the chapter. This will require me to reflect on the classroom management systems I used in the past, consider the negative assumptions I have made about students, and come up with solutions to reframe my thinking and practice.

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"Indeed, we are tipped off from the start by the fact that presentations on these programs often begin with a nostalgic nod to the good old days when students did what the teacher asked without questioning. More significantly, these systems accept—also without questioning—that it is desirable, if not necessary, for teachers to be in control of their classrooms. The only issues are how benevolent that controller will be and how respectfully she will get and maintain the control. This imperative is hard to miss in many of the quotations from New Discipline books and videos that I have already cited."

This quote caught my attention because of the term "New Discipline," and by the definition or use of the term in some "new programs," it seems more like an old practice where the teacher is the absolute authority in the classroom. The teacher should indeed be the authority, but this "New Discipline" reminds me of the old classrooms where the teacher punished the students for no strongly apparent reason or where the student obeyed without question. In my opinion, students should question teachers and a fortiori when dealing with science or math topics. They should not believe everything teachers tell them. Teachers are not an encyclopedia to answer all questions in the classroom, but teachers have the responsibility to foster self-reliance and critical thinking in students to conduct research and make conclusions. These skills will students have a better judgment of the phenomena and situations occurring in their environment.

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"Teachers are encouraged to remove anyone who misbehaves this gives you back the control of the classroom" ...That the teacher ought to have unilateral control is not a proposition to be defended: it is a premise, a first principle." (Kohn, 2006, p. 57).
This passage struck me as particularly meaningful since it makes me sad to think teachers are encouraged to exclude students who are misbehaving in the classroom. As a new teacher, I feel that maintaining control of my classroom is critical, but I also believe that establishing a trustworthy connection with all children is critical. As an educator, removing a student from my classroom would be my last resource since my first objective is to create a community where everyone feels welcome and supported. If a student misbehaves, I will consider my expectations as a teacher and most likely make changes in order to build a connection with that student.

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I’m really interested in the constructivist approach that Kohn is introducing here in chapter five. While my understanding of it is still quite nascent, I'm really intrigued by the section where Kohn states, “The only way to help students become ethical people, as opposed to people who merely do what they are told, is to have them construct moral meaning.” (Kohn, 2006, 66)

Kohn then goes on to share the example of Student A who shares their lunch with Student B. One approach would be to reward Student A by telling them, as a teacher, that this act should make them feel good, to center Student A's perception of themselves by rewarding them. The other, more “moral making” approach is ensuring Student A looks upon the face of Student B and, as a teacher, say, “Look at how happy you made him!”
This externalization of positive feeling, that one should make their morality on how they make others feel good instead of making themselves feel good, is so simple and effective. This vogues with an earlier passage of the chapter, one where Kohn shares that the objective of parents and teachers was to develop better humans in schools, rather than rote fact memorizers. I certainly carry these values myself, and sadly, can't say I learned them in schools themselves. By managing classrooms effectively and democratically, I hope to share this kind of "moral-making" with students in the near future, as opposed to the more authoritarian environments I've seen on particular occasion.

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This chapter was extremely interesting, while very difficult to read in the beginning.  It really made me rethink my personal experiences with my past educators, question my future teaching style and the type of classroom that I would like to create. I wanted to focus on a positive statement that I found, which really resonated with me.

“Children, like adults, are not passive receptacles in which knowledge is poured. They are not clay to be molded, or computers to be programmed, or animals to be trained. Rather, they are active meaning makers, testing out theories and trying to make sense of themselves and the world around them” (Kohn, 2006, p. 66).

I absolutely love this passage, especially given the beginning of this chapter and the rather awful way it described students. I have heard all my life, teachers help mold who you are, they shape you. This has always seemed problematic in my opinion, if they are shaping and molding you, that means they are doing it in the way they see best. They are fitting you into their mold, not your own. Creating unquestioned compliance and a dictatorship classroom is far from what I would want as a student or an educator. This is where an additional quote from this chapter really resonated with me.

“To create a classroom where students feel safe enough to challenge each other - and us - is to give them an enormous gift" (Kohn, 2006, p. 77).

I strongly believe that challenges, discussions and inclusivity are key in helping our students find who they are as learners, which is my long term goal.

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There were so many great passages in this chapter. I will share two that really stood out to me.

"We are advised to tell children in no uncertain terms how we expect them to behave, to impose "limits" as we see fit, and to announce what will happen to anyone who disobeys. In short, the prescription is dictate, control, and threaten" (Kohn, 2006, p. 56).

This passage immediately took me back to my K-12 experiences. On day one, you were read an explicit set of rules. When a student challenged any of those rules, they were immediately sent to the Principal's office. It was very much a "sit down and shut up" environment.

In my classroom, I will spend time with my students, discussing with them what type of environment they work well in, and what types of distractions and/or obstacles derail their focus. It is crucial for students to feel that their thoughts and opinions matter. By allowing them to construct a set of classroom norms, not only will they be more likely to follow the norms- they will feel more invested in their own individual learning.

"To create a classroom where students feel safe enough to challenge each other - and us - is to give them an enormous gift" (Kohn, 2006, p. 77).

This is a really beautiful turn of phrase, and so important, especially in high school. Children are taught at an early age that in school, the teacher is the most knowledgeable person in the room and should not be challenged. Through rules in the classroom, children are also taught that the classroom is not a place to argue. These are both wrong. It is important to question the world around you, and expressing a difference of opinion is the perfect way to gain a deeper understanding (or clearer understanding) of specific content, or the world in general.

When I am helping students with math and there is a disagreement about how to solve a problem, I have students describe their methods and logic. Oftentimes, I have found that a student may be solving a problem correctly for a college-level class, but the method is considered "wrong" for a high school math class, because it is considered "advanced". It is important to allow students to work through these differences in processes to help them gain a better grasp of these concepts. As long as all parties are respectful and open to the conversation, there is no reason to shut down a discussion about a difference of opinion. In those uncomfortable spaces, learning beyond the curriculum can happen.

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After observing many different classroom management strategies in K-5th classrooms and working in after school programs (focus on social emotional learning and STEM), this chapter gave me a new perspective on what the goal of teaching children is. It also had me consider the goal compared to what is realistic with the guidelines that are given (standardization, classroom size, location, aides given, preparation time, ect.)

It is unsettling because it exposes a yawning chasm between what we want and what we are doing, between how we would like students to turn out and how our classrooms and schools actually work. We want children to continue reading and thinking after school has ended, yet we focus their attention on grades, which have been shown to reduce interest in learning (Kohn 1993a, 1994). (Kohn, 2006, pg 61)

When I have students do a painting project is the goal to have them sit quietly or is it to grow their minds and creativity. In my experience, students want to learn and do their best. If they feel safe, their needs are met and they are in a motivating environment. Structure is an important tool but only if it can be adapted when needed.

Learning comes from discovering surprising things (Kohn, 2006, pg 66)

Some of the best teaching moments come from spontaneous moments of learning. As a teacher, impactful learning has also happened as I was learning alongside my students. As a student, my most memorable moments of teachers is when they were not intentionally teaching but just being who they are.

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After answering the questions posed for our CMPS Pre-Statement, I took some time to really think about what I want my classroom to look like. How I want it to feel, how I want my students to feel. That space is completely and utterly reliant on the choices I make, the words I use, and the expectations I create. I have a tendency to be a "control freak" when it comes to just about everything in my life, but I know adolescents don't work this way - they aren't that rigid. They want to push the boundaries, ask "why" when told to do something, they are still figuring themselves and the world out, and can we blame them?
"The overriding goal is to get students to do "what they are supposed to be doing" (Curwin and Mendler 1991), to "learn what's acceptable [to the teacher] and what's not" (Albert, 1989, p. 67) (Kohn, 2006, p. 59). This really stuck out to me because I found myself, at times, so concerned with things being the way I want them to be, that I forget why I am doing it in the first place. That is what this quote embodies - as teachers, we get so focused on our students obeying us and making sure they're following the rules, our actual teaching gets put on the back burner. If we spend too much time establishing dominance and making sure they're abiding by the rules, we will miss out on all the magic they bring to the classroom. We owe it to our students to not let this happen.

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I want to reflect about the following passage:" Of course, it takes a special teacher to be open to this kind of conflict, someone who is not only patient but secure enough in herself not to need to have the last word. Most of us will often find it difficult to welcome conflict, but this is surely something to which  we can aspire. To create a classroom where students feel safe enough to challenge each other—and us—is to give them an enormous gift." (Kohn, 2006. pg. 76-77) I found myself identified with this assertion of the author and I connect it directly with my  Belief Statement where I mentioned the importance of creating a safe space so that adolescents can explore their full potential and develop as human beings who are part of a community and that they can be agents of change in it. It was interesting for me to know different theories (Assertive Discipline, New Disciplines and so on) and since I myself have been educated under a system of oppression that tends to replicate the status quo, these “Discipline programs can (temporarily) change behavior, but they cannot help people to grow ” (Kohn, 2006. pg. 69)in contrast to the theories of authors like Kohn who propose a true democratization from the classroom.

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“But any time educators (or parents) frame the issue in terms of the need to change a child’s behavior, they are unwittingly buying into a larger theory, one that excludes what many of us would argue are the things that really matter: the child’s thoughts and feelings, needs and perspectives, motives and values–the things, in short, that result in certain behaviors.” (Kohn, 2006, p.69)

I really had a difficult time choosing a passage from this chapter because I really enjoyed the perspective that Kohn puts forward. I currently work at a Reggio Emilia-based Preschool ( https://www.reggiochildren.it/en/reggio-emilia-approach/ ) and have seen many of these theories put into practice in their classrooms. This passage embodies a practice that we currently use and I want to embed it into my classroom management style as well. When a child is unwilling to participate in an activity, from what I have observed, there is usually something else going on (emotionally, physically, mentally, etc.). I think that it is extremely important that as an educator I get to know my students individually so that I can support them to the best of my abilities. The downside of working with the Reggio Emilia approach has been that students are asked to take a break when they do not want to participate and I feel that is a part of the practice that will not work for adolescents.