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photography is a form of story telling

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noun

the activity of telling or writing stories.

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Music is a form of storytelling

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Define:a relationship in which a person, thing, or idea is linked or associated with something else.

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Define: The ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

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Sight seeing and historical monuments can tend to have a connection.

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Zodiac signs and astronomy.

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prayer and spirituality is a form of connection

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film shows connection.

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Connection is shown through expression.

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connection is the point of contact in a relationship

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I used to use the words connection and relationship interchangeably. Let me explain why I don't anymore because I think it sheds some light on how building relationships works over time.

Connection is the point of contact in a relationship.

A connection, or point of contact, in a relationship can take many forms. It might be your voice in my ear, my words before you on screen, or a simple pat on the back from a loved one just when you need it the most. Compelling speeches, amusing emails, and irritating phone calls are all forms of connection; contact between you and someone who has - or wants to have - a relationship with you.

Secret Handshake

One way you might think about the difference between a connection and a relationship is to picture it like network mappers do. In a typical network graph you'll see lots of dots (or "nodes"), and these dots will be connected to each other by lots of lines. The lines represent the relationships between the dots, that is to say, the relationship between the things or people in the network. So, for example, in Figure 1. below you'll see a line connecting person "A" and person "B." That line is their relationship.

When I say "connection is the point of contact in a relationship" what I'm really doing is modifying that picture a bit to look like this:

That red square in the middle is the point of contact, the connection between person "A" and person "B." Think of Figure 2. as a snapshot in time of a zoomed in version of Figure 1. It's a zoomed-in picture because it's not meant to replace the simplicity or truth of seeing relationships as pictured in Figure 1. It's just a closer look at what's really going on here. The connection represented by the red square moves us a half step from the fuzzy world of relationships to the more concrete world of connections and what that contact between A and B actually looks like.

It's hard to visualize a relationship, but it's easy to see connections. Connections look like action - action that puts people in contact with each other. It might be you answering the door when I knock, your boss texting you to come in on the weekend, or me talking with my son about his PE class before bedtime.

One way to think of connections is as a kind of handshake between two parties. Both parties must extend a hand in order to make contact. The connection has a beginning and an end and these are usually pretty close to each other in time. In the early stages of a relationship, the connection can frequently involve some sort of exchange, even if it may take a little creativity to see what's being swapped. In this sense, connections can be said to be transactional. I might connect briefly with a bank teller to deposit a check, but we don't really need a relationship to get that done. Swapping my check for a deposit receipt is obviously a transaction, but you can also see how your reading this post has that transactional feel too; I write and post it, you click and read it and in the process we've exchanged my writing for your attention. Figure 2 even looks like two nodes reaching out to each other with a handshake. That's intentional.

Connections are really important, and very ancient, tools that biological life of all types uses to stay connected with its surrounding environment in a productive and safe way. We'll get into this idea some more in future posts because it's one of my favorite topics. For now, let's just say that each of us (and even the organizations we work in) have boundaries that define who and what we are and that they enable us to interact with other autonomous entities without merging with them. That's what a connection does.

While connections are about doing and action and are usually time-constrained, relationships are about being and the experience of connecting with someone over an extended period of time. I say that Figure 2. represents a slice in time because it shows the exact moment when a particular connection happens between two people; whether that's making a phone call, whispering goodnight or shouting someone's name to their window from the street below. All those actions are little flashes of connection that happen over time. Imagine seeing them in time-lapsed photography so that they blur together in a way that looks like the simple relationship line from Figure 1.

This is another way of saying that relationships emerge over time with repeated connections between people. The first few times I go in for my haircut, it's all about my hair. Eventually, the barber and I may form a relationship though, and begin to actually care about the answers we give each other about our lives. Our connection matures; it becomes less transactional and more relational.

Not all connections lead to relationships.

It takes two to tango and two for a relationship. Not every attempt to connect results in a relationship - just ask any telemarketer who makes cold calls for a living. You can connect with someone without them necessarily wanting it, but it's hard to do that with a relationship. I might be able to get you to pick up the phone, answer the door or open my email but I can't force you to have a relationship with me. In fact, there's a word for having a relationship with someone who doesn't have one with you; it's called stalking.

Connections can dead-end and fail to blossom into relationships for a number of reasons. One of the main flame retardants to kindling a relationship happens early on when connections are still transactional and one party simply isn't providing much value in the exchange. Send me a bunch of boring email newsletters full of stuff I don't care about and I'll cut you off by clicking the "unsubscribe link." When I dominate the conversation so you don't feel heard or important, you probably won't be seeking me out at the next get-together.

Turning connections into relationships is an essential part of "engagement" and we'll be covering that (a lot) in future posts. In the end, what it really comes down to is practicing much of what we've been taught since we were kids. Engagement and building relationships are about "meeting people halfway" - and that's exactly what Figure 2 shows as well. Both sides have to reach out in order to meet each other. It's a given-and-get world and the sooner we center ourselves in this relating, the happier and more effective we are - both as individuals and as organizations.

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Building Relationships: Connections are Different than Relationships

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I used to use the words connection and relationship interchangeably. Let me explain why I don't anymore because I think it sheds some light on how building relationships works over time.

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Many people tend to be empathetic towards babies and children.

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Choose to be empathetic

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Empathy is all the rage pretty much everywhere. It’s touted as a critical leadership skill, one that helps you influence others in your organization, anticipate stakeholders’ concerns, respond to social media followers, and even run better meetings. But it has its limits. Empathy taxes us mentally a…

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Empathy is defined as “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person”.

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Some folks are able to watch the latest racist incident or school shooting unfold on the news late at night, roll over and go right to sleep. Yet, plenty of others can't watch the news past dinnertime, for the pain and agony they witness seeps too deeply into their skin and all hope for sleep is lost.

The cause for taking the suffering of others so personally? The blessing and curse of empathy.

According to Dictionary.com, "empathy" is described as "the psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts or attitudes of another." Roman Krznaric, author of " Empathy: Why it Matters and How to Get It," describes the difference between empathy and sympathy: "Sympathy is feeling pity or sorry for someone, but without that extra step of grasping what that person is going through, or how they are experiencing the world," he says.

Being an 'empath' versus being empathetic

There's also a difference between feeling empathy for others and being an actual "empath." Judith Orloff, MD, author of " The Empath's Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People," identifies as an empath and describes them as "emotional sponges who are so sensitive, they tend to take on the stress of the world."

The gift of feeling empathy, or being an empath, is that you care deeply for others and want to help, says Orloff. However, the downside of empathy is it can be mighty exhausting. "Empaths have an extremely sensitive, hyperreactive neurological system," she explains. "We don't have the same filters that other people do to block out stimulation. As a consequence, we absorb into our own bodies both the positive and stressful energies around us."

Is empathy a skill or an ability you're born with?

Orloff says the ability to feel empathy is a little bit psychological tendency and a little bit neurological wiring. "It's hypothesized that empaths may have hyperactive mirror neuron systems (the compassion neurons in the brain) and they work on overdrive feeling compassion," she says.

According to Krznaric, your capacity for empathy is likely a question of nature and nurture. "Research suggests that about 50 percent of our empathic capacities are genetically inherited and the rest we can learn, because empathy is not simply a matter of wiring," he explains, adding that adversity can also lend itself to the development of an empathetic nature. "I recently met a stand-up comic who has lived with cerebral palsy all her life. She has an amazing empathy with people who not only have physical disabilities, but who get marginalized by society in other ways," he says.

Orloff also mentioned how adversity contributes to an empathetic nature: "A portion of empaths I've treated have experienced early trauma such as emotional or physical abuse, or they were raised by alcoholic, depressed or narcissistic parents, potentially wearing down the usual healthy defenses that a child with nurturing parents develops."

Empathy can be a struggle in this society

David Sauvage, an empath performance artist who consults with corporations and entrepreneurs on building more empathetic cultures, says the basis of empathy is emotional self-awareness - which isn't a skill fostered by today's achievement-driven culture.

"The average person in our culture doesn't have much empathy toward others because we prioritize everything other than emotional well-being," he explains. "How often are boys told to 'suck it up?' How often are girls told they're 'acting crazy?' How many times during the course of the day do we feel like we shouldn't feel a certain way, so we hide our sadness only to feel shame around that sadness? There's no healthy balance between the negation of people's feelings and the acceptance of people's feelings. The only way to cope is to disassociate," explains Sauvage.

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What is empathy and how do you cultivate it?

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Our brains may be wired to empathize more with people who look like us, but being more empathetic starts with just listening.