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I think a teachers strictness can vary depending upon students need/ behavior. some students or classes might simply require more guidelines and stricter rules in order for them to blossom and progress in their education. I think the question of what is the difference between being friendly and being familiar with students - being friendly is like being nice (being familiar is like being kind) - saying hi, asking how students are - but never getting to really KNOW your students. When a teacher becomes familiar with their students they are able to pick up on subtle signs of triggers, challenges, ticks or other issues the student may be exhibiting in school and realize that the students isn't doing alright even if they say so. Being familiar with students is knowing how to approach certain students - that some of your students don't respond well to being yelled at from across the room and do better with individual and direct instruction/redirection. I know of a few teachers a putnam that are female and strict - more strict than other teachers (every one of my students is fearless in expressing how much they dislike/even HATE these strict female teachers) and those students go on to tell me how much they enjoy mr. B and I. Relationships with your students is everything (one major thing I have learned from Mr. B)!!! I need more of a balance though - I don't think I have been as strict as I would like to be/have to be this year, at least in terms of cell phones - they're always out!

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There's definitely a line between being to strict or lenient, but I think the space in between those lines is a bubble that you have some wiggle room and how close you get to one side or the other depends on your personality and teaching style. If you're the kind of teacher who likes to build up to huge, thoughtful discussions it might help to be a bit more lenient in your classroom management in order for students to feel that they are in a space where they have freedom to speak their minds without being shut down (being challenged is different, however). On the other hand, if your teaching style requires direct focus on tasks and low noise levels from your students, then it may help to be a bit more strict.

For me personally, I believe that leaning more towards the lenient side allows for better teacher. Students need to feel as though they have agency in the classroom, and that agency should include the ability to make mistakes and have the ability to reflect on those mistakes rather than being outrightly punished.

However, I feel that "strict" and "lenient" might not be the best dichotomy for discussing classroom management. I think opening it up to a broader array of qualities would do the idea of classroom management better justice. The reason I say this is because it's difficult to define what's strict and what's lenient in the first place. Is a teacher lenient if they don't always stick to the rules, or are they lenient if they stick hard to the rules but the rules create room for different situations? Or would they be strict for sticking hard to the rules? At this point I don't really know what I'm saying and have been typing for like 10 minutes straight so I'm OUT.

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These are all amazing responses thank you!

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I don't think I personally will ever be too strict of a teacher.....I'm probably still on the lenient side of things right now. I definitely want to be demanding in terms of what I expect from my students, and I look forward to starting off next year with my own clear rules, but I am also very open and silly and loving with my students, and I am naturally very forgiving. I actively seek the best in each of my students.  So, I think this is just one of those things that will require a few years of teaching to really get the balance right. It's not necessarily something we can be taught from a book.

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Also, I notice students behaving differently when ONE person in a 25 person class is absent. The infinite dynamics of a socially and hormonally volatile group of classes is both fascinating and frustrating.

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^That article articulates a lot of my frustrations and really helps me see how problems in the class really stem from a lack of clear expectations--from both sides. It's been very difficult for me this year coming from the guy who sits and observes and shoots the shit with students to the one that requires 5 minutes of silence at the start of class to give directions. Next year I will spend much of the beginning of the year setting these expectations with my students--creating strong routines, but balancing them out with student-generated consequences and input to class management. I think my question would be, where are the best places to give students choices in class management, and what are your (teacher's) non-negotiables?

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https://www.cultofpedagogy.com/student-talking/

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I feel as though this is a fine line teachers must balance. I have seen being to nice lead to being walked all over, but I have also seen students other teachers have issues with, completely turn it around once shown a little respect. I think the trick is firm but fair. Its obviously easier said then done, but fair rules students understand, and then enforced consistently. I do think there are to many teachers that build an almost adversarial relationship in the class, and that is not helping anyone. I also think part of a teachers job is to tailor these rules to the personality of the class.

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I definitely fall more often on the too lenient line, although it depends on the class. I mean, I’m always too lenient, but that looks different in different classes.

I don’t know where the actual line is, I just know that I haven’t found it yet. Especially with younger students who spend more time pushing to find your boundaries, I find myself often justifying their behaviors or actions.

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Relationships are super important, but there does need to be a balance. Everyone says classroom management is hard for new teachers and it is. It also is really hard because we come in almost halfway through the year and switch up the dynamic. For me, I have struggled with this a ton. My mentor is SUPER strict and I am not, but I think the huge differences between us have contributed to the classroom management issues in my classroom. It is 90% my fault, but I think 10% probably has to do with how different our styles are. When we began co-teaching I could tell the kids thought of my time teaching as a "break" from her authoritarian style, but as the year goes on, some kids are getting loose. However, personal relationships do really make a difference. I constantly see kids acting out towards certain teachers because they have a bad relationship with that teacher. This usually happens when kids feel like they are being singled out for something a group did or they feel that teacher treats them unfairly all the time. When I see this it really reminds me how important it is to have solid relationships with students. This also helps when a student does do something wrong and you need to discuss it with them. If you have a positive relationship with a student, they'll see your conversation as an effort to help them improve and not just a punishment.

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I love my mentor's style of tough love and of earning familiarity. I feel like I've gotten more lenient as the year has gone on. It was hard to enforce stuff when we were half way teaching 5 months ago, and its way harder now. My teaching and conversational style is fairly informal and I think that can be confused with being lax generally. I'm honestly excited to come in strong next year. I am so ready to be able to be consistent in my own way, from day 1.

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This has definitely been a bit of learning curve for me this year. Where I stand now, I feel as though both elements are necessary to produce a positive, working classroom environment. Student-teacher relationships are important and we should always be there for our students to the best of our ability. However, we are their teachers, not their friends. Having high expectations and not feeling guilty or mean about demanding those expectations is part of the job. Kids are going to be kids and there will be times when discipline is required. Just because you are being "mean" doesn't necessarily mean you are being mean, it means you are asking your students to meet expectations.

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I really struggle with this as well. I also feel I am way too nice, I think that is a common trait of a new teacher. My classroom sometimes has students act out and I think it is because I haven't been one to assign detentions, and the students know that. I definitely will be trying to be more strict. A perfect example is for late assignments. Before, I always accepted late work and if it was late I would only take off a few points. But now of course it has become out of control because whenever I have a deadline the majority of my students dont turn it in on time. Originally,  thought this population is underprivileged so i should be lenient with late work, but now I am realizing I need to be more strict. At one point when a student asked how many points will be taken off of the assignment, I mentioned 3-4, she said 'oh ill do it later then' meaning that the couple points didn't really mean much. This situation reminds me of the lesson in Linda's class of dont think of them as 'poor little dears' because you aren't giving them any favors by being a lenient teacher.

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These are really great questions, ones that I have been trying to discover this whole time as a new teacher.  I was told multiple times that if I am lenient, then students will continue pushing the boundaries, and walk all over me.  This is why it's important to have clear classroom expectations and hold students accountable when they do not meet those expectations.  I need to do this often and fairly.  I am constantly told that I need to be more strict, but when I try to be, I feel like I'm being a "bitch" and my students don't respond well.  I am told I am too nice, like I need to be meaner.  What i am trying to find is a balance between holding students to expectations and continuing to be sweet.  I don't want to be yelling at students or demeaning them in any way.  The balance has been difficult to find, and what teachers are telling me is sometimes goes against my beliefs of how a well managed classroom should be.  I think it's been difficult because I walked into classrooms halfway through the year, students already had created a relationship with their main mentor and now here is a new teacher coming in telling them what to do.  I don't blame them for not listening, honestly.  I know relationships are integral to classroom management, and I have been working on developing those so that management is less yelling at students to "behave" (yuck) and more gentle reminding them that I want them to focus so that they can succeed.

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Do you ever notice students behaving completely different during classroom instruction than during transitions/lunch/after school? Do you think that your classroom management contributes to this?

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Where is the line between being too strict and too lenient of a teacher? What is the difference between being friendly and being familiar with students?