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Central Government measures

Spotlighted Government support

Energy grants

Residents who are on income - related benefits or who have a gross household income of £30,000 a year or less could be eligible for free home improvements worth up to £10,000. Improvements could include solid and cavity wall insulation, loft and underfloor insulation, air source heat pumps and solar panels.

State Pension age and over

If you need frequent help with personal care, or someone to supervise you, attendance allowance can help. After application, you may be asked to attend a medical examination to show what help you need.

2022/23 weekly amount: There are two rates, low at £61.85 and high at £92.40.

Help with your living and housing costs if you're over State Pension age and on a low income.

If you get Pension Credit you can also get other help, such as:

Housing Benefit if you rent the property you live in

support for mortgage interest if you own the property you live in

Council Tax reduction

a free TV licence if you're aged 75 or over

help with NHS dental treatment, glasses and transport costs for hospital appointments

help with your heating costs.

Parental support

Are you a new parent or pregnant and on benefits?

If you're pregnant or have a baby under six months-old, and you or your partner are on certain benefits, you may qualify for a one-off £500 maternity grant. This doesn't have to be repaid. You may get more if you're having twins or triplets.

Check if your child qualifies for free school meals and the 'pupil premium'

If you're on means-tested benefits and on a low income, your child may qualify for free school meals.

County Council support

Hampshire County Council's connect4communities programme have received funding to further support children and their families, and pensioners over the summer months for necessities such as food and fuel

Debt assistance

Loan Sharks and loans

Always check that a loan will be authorised by the Financial Conduct Authority (FCA) before entering into one. If you're not sure, speak to Citizens Advice - they will be able to recommend the best safe loan options available to you.

If you think you have entered a contract with a loan shark (i.e. not authorised by the FCA), you can speak in confidence to the Illegal Money Lending Hotline on 0300 555 2222

Financial education and budgeting

There are plenty of free resources and courses to explore online, which apply to different ages and life stages on The Open University online:

Get started with the budgeting apps and tools to get a grip on your incomings and outgoings and see what can be cut or reduced. Citizens Advice budgeting advice

Tips and tricks

Citizens Advice useful links

Think creatively

Money Saving Expert has an extensive and creative list of money-saving ideas from checking your tax code to retail tips and sharing streaming costs with your neighbour. Start saving

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Tackling the cost of living crisis - Eastleigh Borough Council

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Central Government measures Residents who are on income - related benefits or who have a gross household income of £30,000 a year or less could be eligible for free home improvements worth up to £10,000. Improvements could include solid and cavity wall insulation, loft and underfloor insulation, air source heat pumps and solar panels.

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Your child may be able to get free school meals if you get any of the following:

Income Support

income-based Jobseeker's Allowance

income-related Employment and Support Allowance

support under Part VI of the Immigration and Asylum Act 1999

the guaranteed element of Pension Credit

Child Tax Credit (provided you're not also entitled to Working Tax Credit and have an annual gross income of no more than £16,190)

Working Tax Credit run-on - paid for 4 weeks after you stop qualifying for Working Tax Credit

Universal Credit - if you apply on or after 1 April 2018 your household income must be less than £7,400 a year (after tax and not including any benefits you get)

Children who get paid these benefits directly, instead of through a parent or guardian, can also get free school meals.

Your child may also get free school meals if you get any of these benefits and your child is both:

If your child is eligible for free school meals, they'll remain eligible until they finish the phase of schooling (primary or secondary) they're in on 31 March 2023.

Infant free school meals in England

Your child will be able to get free school meals if they're in a government-funded school and in:

Tell your local authority if you also get any of the qualifying benefits. Your child's school can get extra funding if you do.

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What happens when a child is taken into care - who is responsible for what, care proceedings, care orders, going to court and the role of Cafcass

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Youth Options - Working with Looked After Children

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Youth Options - Working with Looked After Children

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Youth Options work with Looked After Children (LAC) from across the county. They have been placed in foster care for a variety of reasons and, for whatever reason, have experienced turbulence, instability and change to their lives. This can leave them vulnerable, with complex emotional needs, or struggling in mainstream education.

If everyone took care of children the way you all do, there would be no need for foster carers and the world would be a better place. My young person loves seeing you all.

Our team run both centre based and outdoor activities including arts and crafts, team games, educational games, outdoor learning and music. Each session encourages conversation, maintains engagement with learning, increases confidence and develops self-esteem. They will have the opportunity to develop friendships with other children in similar situations to their own as well as forming relationships with understanding, supportive and caring adults in our staff.

We currently run two targeted programmes for LAC:

Impact- a weekly after-school club aimed at children aged 5-11 years old.

Re:LACs- an Outdoor holiday club to keep LAC engaged in learning over the school holidays.

Book on Today!

If you are a social carer or foster carer that would like to refer a young person for Impact, please contact our Head Office - 01794 525510 and we can provide you with further information. You can book on to Re:LACs online here.

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Youth Options work with Looked After Children (LAC) from across the county. They have been placed in foster care for a variety of reasons and, for whatever reason, have experienced turbulence, instability and change to their lives. This can leave them vulnerable, with complex emotional needs, or struggling in mainstream education.

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Community and mental health services for Southampton, Portsmouth and parts of Hampshire and the Isle of Wight.

Related links

Children in Care carry out a full health assessment on all children entering the care system. The service identifies any unmet physical, mental, emotional or sexual health needs in the child or young person and refers to the appropriate services. Children in Care provide ongoing support to social workers, foster carers and residential staff.

Coronavirus (COVID-19)

See the latest information and guidance on Coronavirus, read our important visitor guidance and access a range of health and wellbeing resources here.

Referral criteria

Children placed at home under care orders. Care leavers; Children with a care plan for adoption; Children in foster care and residential provision; All infants, children and young people who become looked after by Southampton local authority up to the age of 18 years or 19 years where there are severe learning disabilities. This will include:

Children in foster care and residential provision;

Children with a care plan for adoption;

Care leavers;

Children placed at home under care orders.

Initial referral is made by Social Services on entry to the care system.
Once the child is in care, referrals can be made by the young person, foster carers, residential staff, health professionals and/or education.

We can accept referrals for children or young people placed in Southampton by other authorities, provided funding is agreed in advance by the requesting health team.

Patient Advice and Liaison Service (PALS)

Please visit our services page for specific services and contact details. Alternatively, contact our Patient Advice and Liaison Service by emailing or calling the number below. You can also give us feedback, make a complaint or share a compliment.
pals@solent.nhs.uk
0800 013 2319

*Lines are open Monday to Friday 8.30am to 5pm

The Freedom of Information (FOI) Act was passed on 30 November 2000. It gives a general right of access to all types of recorded information held by public authorities, with full access granted in January 2005.

The Act sets out exemptions to that right and places certain obligations on public authorities.

Email: InformationGovernanceTeam@solent.nhs.uk

Phone: 0300 123 3919

*Subject to any exemptions which apply, we are obliged to provide the information requested please note that requests for Personal Information is not covered under this Act and should be applied for through the Data Protection Act 1998.

Our administrative and managerial centre is based in Southampton.

While our services can be found around various NHS locations in Southampton and Portsmouth (and surrounding districts), our administrative and managerial centre is based in Southampton at:

If you require a printable version of how to find us including bus times, car access and bike info please download our leaflet. (Copyright of Highpoint Venue).

Central office phone: 0300 123 3390

*Lines open Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm.

If you are a journalist with a media enquiry, please contact the Communications Team at:
communications@solent.nhs.uk
0300 123 4156 or 02381 031076

The Communications Office is open Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm.

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Skip to the content Community and mental health services for Southampton, Portsmouth and parts of Hampshire and the Isle of Wight. Related links Children in Care carry out a full health assessment on all children entering the care system.

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The National Crime Agency's CEOP Education team aim to help protect children and young people from online child sexual abuse.

We do this through our education programme, providing training, resources and information to professionals working with children, young people and their families.

I am:

Respecting me, you, us: building healthy relationships and creating positive cultures is a CEOP Education resource for 12 -14 year olds developed in association with clinical psychologist, Dr. Elly Hanson.

Under 18 and worried about online sexual abuse?
To report, click to visit the CEOP Safety Centre.

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The CEOP Education programme from the National Crime Agency’s CEOP Education Team aims to protect children and young people aged 4-18 from online child sexual abuse.

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Welcome to the Hampshire and Isle of Wight Virtual School and College Moodle site. This site contains learning material, webinars and resources to support schools, foster carers and social workers when supporting care experienced children and young people with their education.

Our site is designed to be accessible for new and existing designated teachers, foster carers and social workers. It works on a variety of platforms from smart phones to desktops. The resources and courses will: help to continually improve and reflect on provision and outcomes for care experienced children and enable us all to fulfil our corporate parenting Duties and our Statutory Guidance. Users will be able to access some open resources and will need to be registered to courses they sign up for via the Learning Zone to access online materials associated with specific courses. If you experience any difficulties logging on to the site email vsmoodle@hants.gov.uk

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Our site is designed to be accessible for new and existing designated teachers, foster carers and social workers. It works on a variety of platforms from smart phones to desktops. The resources and courses will: help to continually improve and reflect on provision and outcomes for care experienced children and enable us all to fulfil our corporate parenting Duties and our Statutory Guidance.

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Southern Health NHS Foundation Trust and Barnardos are working together to deliver the Healthy Child Programme throughout Hampshire. This website provides details for access to health visiting and school nursing services, workshops for healthy eating and support with post-natal depression.

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Teach Kids to Manage Big Feelings Through Effective Social Emotional Learning

Over 80% of U.S. public schools reported in 2022 on the negative impact of the pandemic on child well-being and self-regulation. Kids are:

Struggling to manage their feelings and mental health

More disruptive in the classroom

Needing additional social, emotional, and behavioral support

(source: National Center for Education Statistics)

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The Zones of Regulation is a complete social-emotional learning curriculum, created to teach children self-regulation and emotional control.

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Campaigning for change

We fight to change laws to make society safer for children. Our Wild West Web campaign has pushed for new regulations through the Online Safety Bill to make sure websites, apps and games are safe for children to use. But the draft Bill doesn't go far enough to protect children.
Help us end the Wild West Web

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Understanding online safety is tricky for all ages - we have advice and guides to help you learn about staying safe online as a family.

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Make a change today! Discover healthy recipes, food swaps, nutritional advice, and top tips and activities to help the whole family stay healthy.

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How to support a young person who may have anxiety

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How to support a young person who may have anxiety

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Resources to support your child with anxiety

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Resources to support your child with anxiety

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Mental Health and Emotional Wellbeing. Designed for children ad young people (10-18 years old)

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From our digital delivery platform, Panacea, to our CBT-based app, ThinkNinja, creating innovative solutions to everyday challenges is an essential part of our work at Healios. By uniting technical skills and clinical expertise, we help children and young people to access high quality care.

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Healios is an online mental health, autism and ADHD service provider for children, young people and families.

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Advice/ Information about Divorce & Separation

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Advice/ Information about Divorce & Separation

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Drawing and Talking has proved invaluable with secondary aged students who find it difficult to talk about their emotions.

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Primary Behaviour Service - Sleep Workshop

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Sleep Problems - Every Mind Matters (NHS)

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Sleep Problems - Every Mind Matters (NHS)

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Sleep problems are common, and the reasons we struggle to sleep are likely to change throughout our lives, for instance, illness, work or having a baby are possible causes.

A few sleepless nights are usually nothing to worry about, but it can become an issue if a lack of sleep starts to affect your daily life.

Learn more about signs you might be sleep deprived, common symptoms of insomnia and if poor sleep hygiene or sleep habits could be the reason.

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Learn about sleep problems, including what it means to be sleep deprived or have insomnia. Plus find out how sleep hygiene can help if you are struggling to sleep.

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A decent night's sleep will help children to learn more effectively and make them less susceptible to minor ailments,

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Sleep problems in childhood and adolescence

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Sleep problems in childhood and adolescence

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This webpage looks at the reasons behind why some children and young people have sleep problems, and offers some practical advice on how to deal with them.

One of the most common problems in toddlers and young children is sleeplessness. The child may have difficulty settling to sleep, or wakes in the night and wants a parent.

The amount of sleep needed gradually decreases from infancy to adulthood.

Every child is different but as a general rule of thumb:

toddlers need about 12-14 hours sleep (including daytime naps)

preschoolers (aged 3-5) need 11-12 hours sleep

school-age children need 10-11 hours sleep

teenagers need 9-10 hours sleep.

There can be different reasons.

Very young children often fear being left alone at night. This is called 'separation anxiety' and is normal at a young age.

Bedtime fears - many young children are afraid of the dark.

Bad habits - napping too much during the day.

"I'm not sleepy" - you might find that when your child gets very tired, they get irritable, aggressive or even overactive (hence the phrase "overtired").

Teenagers can also have problems with sleeplessness. They might find it hard to sleep if they are worried, drinking too much tea or coffee, cola or energy drinks, or are using illegal drugs. Some will just get into the habit of going to sleep very late. After a while, they find that they can't get to sleep at an earlier time.

Sometimes, difficulty in sleeping is part of depression.

This can simply be caused by your child not getting enough sleep at night. They could be going to bed too late or be having problems sleeping, for reasons as described above.

Less common reasons include:

Large tonsils and adenoids at the back and sides of the throat can cause breathing difficulties that can wake a child many times each night. The child may not remember waking up, but you may notice that they snore loudly and sleep restlessly. This is called obstructive sleep apnoea. An operation to remove the tonsils and adenoids may be needed.

Restless legs syndrome is a condition where the child complains of crawling feelings or 'growing pains' in their legs that make them want to keep moving them, which stops them getting to sleep.

Narcolepsy is an unusual condition that causes unpredictable attacks of sleep during the day. People with narcolepsy may also have sudden attacks of weakness - this is called cataplexy.

In teenagers, drug or alcohol misuse is sometimes a factor.

Some young people who have depression sleep more than usual.

Most children have nightmares occasionally. These are vivid and frightening dreams. Children will usually remember the dream, and will need to be comforted so that they can get back to sleep.

Nightmares can also be caused by worry, by nasty accidents, by bullying and by abuse of any kind.

You can help by encouraging your child to talk about the dream or draw a picture of it. This will help you to find out the cause of the upset and work out what help or support your child needs.

Night terrors most commonly affect children between the ages of 4 and 12 years. They are completely different from nightmares or anxiety-related dreams.

Unlike nightmares, they happen to young children an hour or two after falling asleep. The first sign is that your child is screaming uncontrollably and seems to be awake. In spite of appearances, your child is still asleep. They will not be able to recognise you, will be confused and unable to communicate, and it is usually hard to reassure them. It is best not to try and wake them, but sit with them until the night terror passes, usually after about 5 minutes.

Try not to feel upset yourself. It can be very distressing to see your child so disturbed, but they will not remember it in the morning. Children usually grow out of this.

Sleepwalking is similar to night terrors, but instead of being terrified, the child gets up out of bed and moves around. The main thing you can do to help is to make sure that they don't hurt themselves.

You may need to take practical precautions, like using a stair-gate, making sure that windows and doors are securely locked, and that fires are screened or put out. This is also something that children tend to grow out of.

Sleep problems are very common. Most children's sleep problems happen only occasionally. They are not serious and get better on their own, with time. If they don't, you need to take them seriously. As well as being upsetting, they may interfere with your child's learning and behaviour.

There may be an underlying health problem, physical or mental.

It is important that your child has a regular sleep routine:

Decide on regular times for going to bed and getting up.

Stick to these times.

Develop a consistent, relaxing bedtime routine with your child. This should start with quiet time to help your child to wind down - for example, a bath followed by a short bedtime story before you say goodnight. This helps children to settle, and should end with your child falling asleep without the need for you to be with them.

It is important to be loving, but firm, about when it is time for your child to settle down for the night. When your child cries out, it is important to be sure that they are not wet, ill or in pain. It is best to do this quickly, while still comforting and reassuring them. Don't spend too much time with them or take them into your bed, because this will reward them for being awake.

A dummy can help to comfort young infants who wake needing to suck. Once you have weaned your child on to solid foods, it is best not to give them a bottle or dummy at night - if they wake and can't find it, they will probably start crying. A cuddly toy or favourite blanket can often help young children to cope with their separation anxiety.

Agree with them reasonable and consistent bedtimes- for weekdays and weekends.

Most teenagers like to have a 'lie-in' at weekends - limiting the getting up time to only an hour or two later than weekdays will ensure they can get into a stable sleep routine.

Help them to get into a routine of 30 minutes 'quiet time' before bed - no TV, texting, homework or computer use.

They should avoid daytime napping.

Getting some fresh air, gentle exercise and day light each day will help them to sleep at night.

They should avoid caffeine and heavy exercise for four hours before bed, as these can cause problems getting to sleep.

Encourage them to do their worrying before getting into bed - perhaps by writing a "to do list" for the following day earlier in the evening.

Your GP or health visitor can offer advice and help. If things don't get better, your GP or another professional can refer your child for a specialist opinion from a paediatrician or the local child and adolescent mental health service (see Who's Who in CAMHS). This will help to find out exactly what the problem is and how it can be best resolved.

I never liked high school. I got named 'junky boy' on the first day. I have diabetes ... I started doing my own injections in high school and had to wear a special wristband. It didn't take long for the bullying to get worse. I stopped going out and spent more time alone.

I started getting irritable at home and didn't want to see anyone, preferring to stay up late when I could be alone. I started to feel really tired in the morning, and soon I wouldn't get up and refused to go to school.

I felt 'ill' all the time and my brother started to call me 'vampire'. I looked pale and had no friends. My parents had had enough of trying to get me to school and I even remember seeing mum in tears. That was when we spoke to the nurse in the diabetic clinic and it was suggested that I go to see the psychiatry team in hospital. I was reluctant, but I did go and I'm really glad.

When we met the team, we talked about my problems and I was asked to keep a sleep diary. We also tried 'sleep hygiene techniques' - these are tips on helping you sleep, but these didn't work.

The specialist doctor prescribed some medication and arranged for us to meet with some people from education and the diabetic clinic. It felt like the first time that people were listening. I now have a work placement and was lucky to get involved with an organisation that arranges activities for young people with similar problems to me. I met my girlfriend there.

I am really sleeping much better now and go to the special teenage diabetic clinic where I get more support. I still don't go to school, but I have a home internet package and am hoping to go to College. My mum is smiling for the first time in months.

Peterson J & Peterson M (2003). The Sleep Fairy. Omaha: Behave'n Kids Press. This is an American children's book that, through the story, teaches your child to go to sleep in their own bed in order to get a reward from the "Sleep Fairy"! It has explanatory notes for parents.

London: Dorling Kindersley. Your Child's Sleep Problems Solve Ferber R & Beckerman D (2006).

References

Dahl R & Harvey AG (2008). Sleep disorders. In: Rutter M et al. (eds) (2008)

Rutter's Child and Adolescent Psychiatry(5th edn). Oxford: Blackwell. pp894-905.

Kotagal S &, Pianosi P (2006). Sleep disorders in children & adolescents. BMJ;332: 828-832.

Galland BC & Mitchell EA (2010). Helping children sleep. Archives of Disease in Childhood 2010; 95:850-853.

Credits

Revised by the Royal College of Psychiatrists' Child and Family Public Engagement Editorial Board (CAFPEB).

With grateful thanks to Dr Hussain Farooq, Dr Virginia Davies, Dr Vasu Balaguru, and Thomas Kennedy..

This resource reflects the best possible evidence at the time of writing.

About this information

This information reflects the best available evidence at the time of writing. This mental health information for young people was written in 2020.
© November 2020 Royal College of Psychiatrists

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Sleep problems in childhood and adolescence - for parents and carers | Royal College of Psychiatrists

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This webpage looks at the reasons behind why some children and young people have sleep problems, and offers some practical advice on how to deal with them. One of the most common problems in toddlers and young children is sleeplessness. The child may have difficulty settling to sleep, or wakes in the night and wants a parent.

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Helping you and your child sleep | Contact

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Disabled children and those with certain medical conditions are more likely to experience problems with sleeping.

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ERIC - The Children's Bowel & Bladder Charity

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ERIC - The Children's Bowel & Bladder Charity

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With your help, we can keep offering free support to those who need us.

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Advice on Bladder and Bowel Problems in Children and Young People

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Children and young people Bladder and bowel health Issues affecting the bladder and bowel are very common in children and young people. Here you can find specialist advice to help. varied issues The problems can include difficulties with toilet training, wetting and/or soiling.

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One Step at a Time - Parent Guide to Toilet Skills for Children  with Special Needs

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One Step at a Time - Parent Guide to Toilet Skills for Children  with Special Needs

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One Step At A Time - A Parent Guide to toilet skills for children with special needs_Updated_V4

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Parent's Guide to Toilet Training Children with Autism

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Parent's Guide to Toilet Training Children with Autism

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learning disabilities

Toileting and Children with Autistic Spectrum Disorders (ASD)

Many children with ASD experience problems with toileting. This can include a delay in toilet-training, a reluctance or refusal to use the toilet, or a reluctance to pass urine or faeces at all. There are many ideas about why this might be, although there is little research evidence to back them up. Here are some possible reasons for toilet-training issues:

LACK OF UNDERSTANDING
Children may not understand that urine or faeces are 'waste' material, and may believe that they are losing part of their body. It is hard for many children with learning disabilities to understand that food becomes poo!

GASTRO-INTESTINAL ISSUES
Research on gastro-intestinal issues in ASD is varied, but some studies suggest that children with ASD are more likely to have chronic gastro-intestinal problems. Problems such as constipation can make going to the toilet painful, so the child avoids this, which then makes the constipation worse - the child is stuck in a negative cycle.

NEED FOR CONTROL/ROUTINE
Children with ASD need the world to be predictable, and bowel movements can feel scarily out of their control.

COMMUNICATION PROBLEMS
The child may not be able to let you know when they need to go to toilet, or understand your prompts/attempts to teach them. This can lead to frustration for everybody involved.

MOTOR PROBLEMS
Children who experience some form of delay in the development of their motor skills may not have full control over their bowels and/or bladder. Some children with learning disabilities may never achieve full bowel and bladder control.

LACK OF SOCIAL MOTIVATION

Children with ASD may not understand that toilet training is a healthy and beneficial part of growing up and that wearing a nappy can be socially unacceptable when they are older.

SENSORY ISSUES
Many children with ASD experience significant sensory sensitivities & struggle to manage the sensory input that they receive. This may include a dislike of the noise made by toilets, the sensation of passing urine/faeces, a cold toilet seat, or a preoccupation with water in the toilet.

Ensure the child is ready for toilet training. Some signs of bladder/bowel control are:

Urinating large amounts at once.

Having regular, well-formed bowel movements at predictable times.

Having "dry" periods of around two hours.

Able to follow simple instructions like "go and get the cup".

Indicating that they dislike the feeling of a wet/dirty nappy or pad.

Once you are sure that the child is ready for toilet training, you can help in several ways:

Record when and where the child passes faeces or urine before you begin. Pay attention to the time of day they go, the reaction of the child (did they let you know by crying or going to a particular place?), and how you responded.

Ensure any constipation is treated. If left un-treated, passing faeces can be painful and might cause the child to withhold going.

As a family, it is important to pick the right time. You need to allow toilet training to take priority, for a consistentapproach to be implemented and effortlevels to be maintained.

Accept that it is likely to be stressful for a time.

Ensure their diet includes plenty of fibre, unless you are told otherwise by your child's doctor or dietician.

1. ENFORCING BOWEL CONTROL IS NOT HELPFUL

Although it's important to have clear boundaries and routines to support children with ASD to understand what is expected of them, it's essential to understand that enforcing bowel control could exacerbate existing problems. The child must be ready.

Never use punishment when toilet-training. Making toileting a scary or unpleasant experience for children will not help them to learn, and may make them refuse to go at all (i.e. encourage withholding).

Do not react negatively to 'accidents'. It can be very frustrating for parents, but showing your stress or annoyance can inadvertently teach children that you do not want them to pass urine or faeces (children with ASD can be quite unusual learners). They may not understand that you are angry about when or where they have done it, rather than what they have done.

2. USE REWARDS

Children with ASD are often not intrinsically socially motivated (e.g. by what other people do), so you may need to motivate them in other ways. You may need to continue to reward the child for some tine after successful toilet training, until the behaviour has become part of their routine/habit.

3. MAKE IT FUN

Make the bathroom a relaxing place to spend time in. Be aware of things that would attract the child (e.g. a coloured toilet seat, stickers of their favourite cartoon characters, a soft bath-mat). Equally, be aware of things that would frighten/put-off the child (e.g. the feeling of a particular toilet seat, bright lights).

Don't tell your child to 'push' because this can lead to tensing and less likelihood of a successful bowel movement. Instead, encourage them to relax. You may find that your child is more relaxed after a warm bath.

Blowing bubbles can both entertain your child and encourage bowel movements by recreating a slight pushing motion.

You may decide to encourage the child to spend time in the bathroom playing with toys or water in the sink. However, be wary that, whilst this makes it easier to put/encourage the child onto the toilet by reducing anxiety, it can also confuse children as to the purpose of the bathroom/toilet.

4. PROVIDE THE NECESSARY TEACHING MATERIALS

Social stories can be a good way to help children with ASD to understand what is expected of them. You can create stories (with pictures) to show the whole bathroom/toilet routine (e.g. feel I need to wee, go to the bathroom, take trousers down, sit on toilet etc).

You can create stories to explain that going to the toilet is okay, and that poo and wee are meant to go into the toilet. For more able or older children, you may be able to explain that it is important to get rid of waste from the body.

You can use the child's interests to create examples, such as Spongebob/other character wanting to go to the toilet, and how he/she did it.

You may need to show your child what to do! This can seem embarrassing, but the child will probably be unaware that there is anything to feel embarrassed about, and may learn more from you 'modelling' behaviour than from a book. Alternatively, you could 'model' toileting behaviour using toys or puppets.

5. SCHEDULED SITTING

This is one technique suggested for use with children with ASD where toileting has become very stuck. It should be used in conjunction with the other advice in this section.

Identify times when your child is most likely to have a bowel movement (use a diary to monitor bowel movements as suggested overleaf). Note that 5-20 minutes after meals is a likely time (due to the gastro-colic reflex). Just prior to these times, encourage your child to sit on the toilet for 5 minutes (or a brief time initially). Give them something to occupy them (e.g. a book, handheld computer game, something else they really enjoy).

After 5 minutes, allow the child to leave the toilet; although, if they are happy to stay in the bathroom, this is preferable. After a 10-15 minute break, return them to the toilet for another 5 minutes. Repeat this process for as long as you feel the child will tolerate it without anxiety/tantrums, until the child has had a bowel movement.

Combine this strategy with social stories and rewards for any successful use of the toilet. Try to keep calm and avoid any confrontations. Consider waiting until the school holidays, when you can be more consistent with the approach.

ERIC provide expert support, information and understanding to children and enable parents, carers and professionals to help them establish good bowel and bladder health.
Website

TheNational Autistic Society provides information and support for people with Autism and their families and for professionals. They are a very active organisation and offer some really useful information about strategies and approaches for supporting people with Autism.
Website | Specific page on Toilet Training

The British Institute of Learning Disabilities also have some useful information and further advice about a variety of common issues.
Website

Local Offer is a Derbyshire-specific site which allows you to search for lots of different services, including parenting support groups, in the local area.
Website

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Many children with Autistic Spectrum Disorders experience problems with toileting. This can include a delay in toilet-training or reluctance/refusal to use the toilet at all.

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Toilet Training Tips to Help Non-Verbal Children with Autism

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Toilet Training Tips to Help Non-Verbal Children with Autism

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Today's "Got Questions?" answer is by psychologists Courtney Aponte and Daniel Mruzek, of the University of Rochester Medical Center, one of 14 sites in the Autism Speaks Autism Treatment Network. "We're looking for help toilet training our 7 year old. He is very limited verbally."
Great question! Many children with autism take longer than is typical to learn how to use the toilet. This delay can stem from a variety of reasons.

Many children with autism have a general developmental delay. That is, they simply learn new skills more slowly than other children do.

Many children who have autism have great difficulty breaking long-established routines - in this case using a diaper. Plus, there are relatively few opportunities to practice toileting during the day, as there are only so many times a child genuinely needs "to go."

Communication challenges - such as your son's limited verbal abilities - clearly add to the challenge for many children on the autism spectrum.

It's also common for children with autism to develop anxiety around toileting.

For example, some children with communication challenges won't understand the question - "Do you need to you use the bathroom now?" Or they may not know how to respond to it or otherwise signal that they need to use the toilet.

Even nonverbal communication can be a challenge among children with autism. In our practices, many parents tell us that their children don't show the usual signs of an impending accident. For example, crossing their legs, grabbing themselves or even the classic "potty dance." In other words, these children seem to "go without warning," making it more difficult for the caregiver to get the child to the toilet in time.

The good news is that we've found a number of strategies that help children with autism overcome their toilet training challenges. Before we delve into them, we want to remind you of a very helpful resource and reference:

Now to our favorite toilet training strategies:

1. When it comes to communication: less is more! Use clear and simple pictures or visual prompts such as the visual support below from the Autism Speaks tool kit.

Use the visual prompt with simple and direct language to help your child understand what is expected. For example, say "Time for potty" instead of asking "Do you need to use the potty now?"

We've found it most effective when parents simultaneously present the verbal direction with the visual support while immediately guiding the child to the toilet with little or no additional discussion.

2. Don't delay the underwear! Move your child into underwear as soon as possible. We realize that this seems an intimidating step for many parents. But we've found it's really important. Let's face it, modern diapers and pull-ups can be too good at whisking away the pee. As a result, your child may not even realize that he has urinated. Putting your child in underwear helps him associate accidents with the discomfort of wetness on his skin.

3. Don't fuss over accidents. When your child does have an accident, minimize discussing, cajoling, pleading, teasing or other fussing that can have the unintended result of reinforcing the accident behavior. Instead, provide a brief reminder that you expect your child to use the toilet next time he needs to go. Then complete the cleanup with as little fanfare and discussion as possible. Save your attention for when your child is using - or attempting to use - the toilet.

4. Reward the desired behaviors. Identify some activities, toys or small treats that will motivate your child. Reserve these for rewarding your child's toileting successes, and only for rewarding toileting success. Chances are your child will work harder at achieving success if he can't get these items any other way.

Importantly, deliver the rewards as soon as possible after your child uses the toilet to pee or poop. Don't wait! We've found that quick delivery of the reward tends to speed skill acquisition.

And remember those visual supports. For example, you can incorporate a picture of the reward in your child's toileting visual schedule. OR use a "First-Then" board to illustrate "First use the toilet, and then get your reward." (See example below.)

In the early stages of training, reward each small success - even a small dribble of urine. These are important behaviors that you can build upon during subsequent bathroom trips.

5. Use rewards to communicate. Sometimes, rewards can help you communicate your expectations to your child. This is especially important for children who have difficulty understanding "if, then" rules.

For example, your child may not understand, "If you pee in the potty, you can have 5 minutes of iPad." He may do better if you increase the opportunities for success and reward. How? Try the following:

1. On a day you are both at home, increase the fluids he drinks. This will give you more chances to take him to the bathroom for a successful pee. Reward each tinkle!

2. Look for patterns in when your child has accidents. It can help to write down the time and place of each accident for several days. You may start to see a pattern emerge. For example, you may find that he often urinates around 30 minutes after drinking a glass of water, milk or other beverage. Use this information to schedule his bathroom trips around times he seems most likely to pee.

3. Remember to make those rewards immediate and consistent. This increases the chances that your child makes the connection between peeing and receiving his reward.

6. Empower your child to communicate. It's especially important to help children with limited verbal abilities to signal their need to use the toilet. Once your child is consistently using the toilet when you bring him to the bathroom, it's time to teach him a simple way to tell you he needs "to go."

Consider encouraging him to use a visual support such as a picture of a toilet. Consider clipping it to his belt loop or shirt button hole so he can easily point to it. Or, if your child uses an assisted communication device, you can incorporate a picture of a toilet that he can press to give you an audible cue.

Ideally, you want him to use these cues when he feels his bladder is full. It can help to slowly stretch out how often you take him to the bathroom unprompted. In other words, you need to give him the chance to recognize what a full bladder feels like - and then experience the relief of peeing in the toilet. As we all know, that relieved feeling can be its own "natural" reward for using the toilet.

As your child becomes increasingly attuned to when his bladder and bowel is full, he may begin to show more obvious signs of a full bladder. You may start to see an increase in rocking, holding oneself, more vocalizations or other signs that he's ready for a trip to the bathroom.

Sometimes a child may simply look intently at you - or toward the bathroom - when he or she needs to go. It's particularly helpful for parents, teachers and other caregivers to become sensitive to these "tells" and immediately encourage the child to use the chosen communication method. This can be with whatever method works best - e.g., handing you the toilet picture or pressing the toilet button on a speech device.

Definitely reward your child for any effort to communicate.

7. If needed, get professional help. As parents, we often benefit from an expert eye and fresh perspective in what can be a challenging experience for many.

We wish you and your son all the best, and we appreciate your great question!
Editor's note: The following information is not meant to diagnose or treat and should not take the place of personal consultation, as appropriate, with a qualified healthcare professional and/or behavioral therapist.

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Seven toilet training tips that help nonverbal kids with autism | Autism Speaks

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Today's "Got Questions?" answer is by psychologists Courtney Aponte and Daniel Mruzek, of the University of Rochester Medical Center, one of 14 sites in the Autism Speaks Autism Treatment Network. "We're looking for help toilet training our 7 year old. He is very limited verbally." Great question!

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Emotionally Based School Avoidance (EBSA)

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Emotionally Based School Avoidance (EBSA)

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Family Support (FISH) - Hampshire County Council

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Family Support (FISH) - Hampshire County Council

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Family Information and Services Hub

Here you will find a range of useful web links, downloadable resources, and online videos on various issues and topics that may be able to provide you with the support that you need, or answer questions that you may have.

If you are seriously concerned about a child you should contact this number without delay: Childrens Services 0300 555 1384 (Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm) - out of hours 0300 555 1373. If it's an emergency and a child is in immediate danger, call 999

To help you access support, talk to someone from any of the support services who is already in contact with your family. This might be a health visitor, teacher or a community worker. They will discuss your concerns and help you access the right support.

Our staff will be able to advise you on the most appropriate support dependent on the needs of your family.

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The Government has released helpful guidance on supporting children and young people's mental health and wellbeing during the coronavirus outbreak . This provides detailed information about how different ages may react to the current situation and different support available.

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Family Information and Services Hub | Family Support

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Here you will find a range of useful web links, downloadable resources, and online videos on various issues and topics that may be able to provide you with the support that you need, or answer questions that you may have. If you are seriously concerned...

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Parents Guide to Supporting your Child with Anger

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Parents Guide to Supporting your Child with Anger

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Anger is a normal and healthy reaction when things don't go the way we expected, life feels unfair or people upset or hurt us. It can be a helpful thing - letting us know that something is wrong or not okay with us.

It's normal for children and young people to find it difficult to manage their angry feelings sometimes, and it's helpful to remember that the part of our brain that helps us do this doesn't fully develop until we're in our mid-20s.

Anger can become a problem for your child if it feels overwhelming or unmanageable, makes them unhappy, affects their relationships or is expressed through unhelpful or destructive behaviours - towards either themselves or other people.

Angry feelings and aggressive behaviour can be really hard to deal with as a parent, and can have a huge effect on family life. If you're going through this, remember that there is light at the end of the tunnel. There are things you can do to make the situation better, and places where you can find support if you need to. Here, we've got strategies you can use to help you respond and advice on when to seek further help and where to get it.

When I'm angry I feel a lot of self-hate and worthlessness. I also feel a build-up of energy.

What is anger like for young people?

If your child can't tell you in words, they will often use their behaviour to let you know how they're feeling. A young person who is feeling angry may:

be outwardly aggressive - acting aggressively towards other people, including shouting, hitting or breaking things

be inwardly aggressive - hurting themselves, for example by self-harming, or being very self-critical

be passively aggressive - withdrawing, ignoring people, being sarcastic or sulking

feel things in their body like a racing heart, feeling hot or tensing their muscles - for example clenching their fists

seem tense, unable to relax or easily irritated

find it difficult to concentrate.

When we seem angry or aggressive, there are often other feelings hidden under the surface.

Worried, Hurt, Scared, Lonely, Stressed, Overwhelmed, Ashamed, Ignored, Sad

Underneath these behaviours, a young person who seems very angry may also be feeling things like fear, stress, sadness, hurt or worry - or might be struggling to cope with a difficult experience at school, at home or in another part of their life that they feel unable to talk about.

It can be helpful to remember that a person who's feeling angry a lot of the time probably isn't feeling very happy - and while it might not be obvious, what they often need is support. Supporting children and young people to put their feelings into words can help them to feel less overwhelming, making it less likely that they will need to act out.

For some young people, feeling more irritable or angrier than usual can be a sign that they are struggling with low mood, depression or anxiety - especially if it goes on for a long period of time without changing.

How can I respond to my child when they get angry?

How can I help my child manage their anger?

In a calm moment, try to explore what's making them angry, focusing on letting them talk and listening to what it's like for them. Trust your instincts about picking the right moment, and remember that you know your child better than most people.

You can find more tips on our guide to starting a conversation with your child.

It might help to text, write a letter, go for a walk together or do an activity while you're talking to help them relax. You could also try spending five or ten minutes checking in with them each evening to encourage them to open up.

Recognising the triggers and patterns that alert them to the fact that they're getting angry can help them to take action before it becomes overwhelming. Keeping a diary or journal may make it easier for both of you to think this through - and apps such as ThinkNinja (for 10-18-year-olds) and HeadSpace can help them to track their feelings. This video by Braive might also help you to understand how stress and overwhelming feelings can build up in a person's life.

Some young people will find relaxing techniques useful. This could be things like:

meditating

listening to music

colouring or drawing

taking deep breaths or doing a breathing technique

Teenagers might like to do this using a mindfulness or meditation app such as Headspace or Calm. Often, people who are feeling angry breathe in more than they breathe out - so a good trick is to focus on breathing out for a few counts longer than they breath in, which can help their body to relax.

Some young people will find active techniques useful. This could be things like:

punching a pillow

throwing a ball

ripping or screwing up newspaper

playing sport

running or going for a walk

Young people tell us it helps to:

think of the bigger picture: will this bother me in a year?

try and say why you're angry, and remember that time alone to calm yourself down is okay.

take some time to think about how your actions are affecting others, and try to remember people are usually trying to help you.

apologise if you have harmed someone - and if you have hurt yourself, apologise to yourself.

figure out why you reacted like that so you can recognise it next time before it's too late.

tell someone if they've made you angry, or talk to someone else about it.

remind yourself that the emotion is valid.

Where can I find professional help?

It's a good idea to seek professional advice if:

your child's anger is consistently affecting their day-to-day life, wellbeing, mental health, relationships or experience at home or school - or the day-to-day life of your family.

you've tried strategies for at least four weeks and nothing seems to work, or their outbursts of anger feel unmanageable and last for a long time.

they are expressing their anger through destructive behaviours towards themselves or others - including self-harm or physically hurting other people.

There are different places where you can find help for your child. Your GP, your child's school and considering whether counselling or therapy might help are good places to start.

Your GP can discuss your concerns with you and, if needed, refer your child for more support - including Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS).

Sometimes, challenging or aggressive behaviour can be a sign of an additional need or developmental difficulty, such as autism or difficulties hearing or speaking, which your child may need specialist help with. If you think this could be the case, speak to your GP or your child's school to discuss whether they need a referral for an assessment.

You can find out more about speaking to GPs, finding a counsellor or therapist, accessing CAMHS, getting help from your child's school and finding local services on our guide to getting help for your child.

If your child becomes so angry that they are being verbally or physically aggressive and you feel unsafe, it's important that you reach out for help.

In these situations:

If it is safe for you and your child, remove yourself and any other family members from the situation.

If it's not safe to do so, and you feel that you or anyone else are at immediate risk of harm, warn your child that if the aggression does not stop you will contact the police.

Follow through if they do not stop. Call 999 if there is a danger to life or violence is being used or threatened. Call 101 if you want to discuss the situation with your local police officer.

Calling the police to intervene in a situation that involves your child is an incredibly difficult thing for any parent to have to do. However, this may be the only course of action if your safety, or the safety of other family members, is in question. You might feel worried about getting your child into trouble, but they won't automatically get a criminal record and it's important to put your safety first. The police can be supportive about responding to mental health issues and may be able to advise you about next steps.

As a parent or carer, we often put our children first, no matter how old they are - but it's so important that you remember to look after yourself too. If you have ever flown on a plane you may remember the flight attendant saying that in times of difficulty you need to put your own oxygen mask on before helping others - and the same applies here.

If your child is acting out, remember that it can be because they see you as a safe person who they can express their feelings with, trusting that you will love them no matter what - and that it isn't necessarily about you.

Use the family and friends around you - whether it's for a catch-up or having someone to watch the kids so you can have a break.

These are some things that can help you take care of yourself:

You might also find helpful...

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Anger is a normal and healthy reaction when things don't go the way we expected, life feels unfair or people upset or hurt us. It can be a helpful thing - letting us know that something is wrong or not okay with us.

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How to Empower Children When They Struggle

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How to Empower Children When They Struggle

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Hampshire Local Offer for Special Educational Needs and/ or Disabilities

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Hampshire Local Offer for Special Educational Needs and/ or Disabilities

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Family Information and Services Hub

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1. Over 90% of families in Hampshire organise their own journeys to school. They walk, cycle, use public transport, lift-share with other families or take their child to school in the family car. Have a look at Hampshire County Council's Travel to school page for ideas and information. For a minority...

2. 100% of school leaders believe that food and diet can affect cognitive function and children's learning progress, according to the latest survey results from HC3S, Hampshire's main school lunch provider. 90% of schools value HC3S as a partner in supporting nutrition at school, so find out more about how HC3S...

3. We would like to hear from young people in Hampshire about what you would like to see on this website. What information would be helpful for you that's not on here? What do you like about this website? What do you not like about this website? Any feedback...

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Last Updated: 23 June 2023

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Family Information and Services Hub | Hampshire's Local Offer for Special Educational Needs and / or Disabilities

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Your Local Offer - Information and services available in Hampshire for children and young people (birth to 25) who have Special Educational Needs and/or Disabilities (SEND) The Local Offer includes information about education, health, social care, preparation for adulthood, leisure services and impartial information advice and support....

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Anna Freud Centre - Special Guardianship & Adoption

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Anna Freud Centre - Special Guardianship & Adoption

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Assessment

Assessments of special guardianship and adoptive families involve carers, parents and children being seen by two clinicians in individual and joint sessions. These assessments are multi disciplinary (the clinicians being from different training backgrounds and/or being supported and supervised by the multidisciplinary team).

Assessments e xplore the child's attachment experience s and current relationships. These can include use of specialist assessment tools such as story stem assessments (for children aged 4-9), or Child Attachment Interview, which give the clinicians, carers , parents and relevant members of the network detailed information about the child's attachment patterns and can inform therapy plans and approaches.

Clinical psychologists in the team can undertake assessment of children and young people's cognitive functioning if a possible learning difficulty or disability is identified.

We recommend that if a child or young person is seriously self-harming or experiencing suicidal thoughts that might put them at risk, their needs will be more safely met within a CAMHS setting where there is psychiatric oversight . We may therefore r edirect enquiries that include these concerns to local NHS services.

Packages of therapy are recommended based on the needs identified in specialist assessments. This almost always includes carers/parents, as well as children and young people. Therapy is influenced by mentalization based approaches and can include:

Until the end of the financial year 2021 to 2022 , the A doption Support Fund (ASF) cover up to £ 2,500 per child per year for specialist assessment . To make an application for ASF, please speak with your allocated Social Worker who will be able to make the application on your behalf. The majority of applications to the fund fall within these limits. In exceptional cases, where there is an urgent need for higher cost support, LAs or RAAs are asked to match-fund applications.

To make a referral, please complete our online referral form: https://forms.office.com/r/vt3WA2t811.

We accept referrals directly from parents, or through a third party such as healthcare professionals, social workers, or GPs (family doctors).

Therapy (family therapy, play therapy, psychotherapy)

The Family Trauma team offers the following specialisms and interventions to work with these families:

The cost per appointment for therapeutic work in the Family Trauma team is £150 per appointment.

To make a referral, please complete our online referral form: https://forms.office.com/r/vt3WA2t811.

We accept referrals directly from parents, or through a third party such as healthcare professionals, social workers, or GPs (family doctors).

Mentalization Based Treatments for Children (MBT-C) in collaboration with ChAPTRe

Mentalization Based Treatment with Children ( MBT-C may also suitable for children with traumatic experiences or children who have experienced loss.

'Mentalisation' is a psychological term that refers to the ability to recognise and understand our own thoughts, feelings, intentions and behaviours, those of others, and the interaction between the two. Children with a high capacity to mentalise are generally better able to manage their feelings and behaviour. The aim of MBT-C is to:

Help carers develop further their child's mentalising capacity

Therapeutic work takes place with the whole family together, with child individually (through play, art and talking) and with the child's carers individually. Pa

We have found MBT-C to be a particularly helpful approach when working with children who have experienced early relational trauma and who are having difficulties post-adoption. T he flexibility of the approach, the focus on emotion regulation and attachment , the support that is put in place for the parent, and the way the therapy with the child can use play, making it less dependent on verbal exchanges where children find this difficult, all make it a particularly good 'fit' for this group. Within the Family Trauma Team we offer MBT-C following an initial assessment , where both the family and clinician agree that i t would be of benefit.

Until the end of the financial year 2021 to 2022 the ASF will have 2 fair access limits:

The majority of applications to the fund fall within these limits. In exceptional cases, where there is an urgent need for higher cost support, LAs or RAAs are asked to match-fund applications.

To make a referral, please complete our online referral form: https://forms.office.com/r/vt3WA2t811.

We accept referrals directly from parents, or through a third party such as healthcare professionals, social workers, or GPs (family doctors).

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Special guardianship and adoption | Anna Freud Centre

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The team has developed expertise in mentalization-based work with children and families affected by developmental trauma. Our work with adoptive and special guardianship families involves parents/carers as well as children and young people and whole families as we aim to improve the child's experience in their relationships with parents and carers, as well as in their wider families and schools.

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Free School Meals (Hampshire County Council)

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Free School Meals (Hampshire County Council)

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Emotional Literacy Support Assistant (ELSA) Intervention

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Emotional Literacy Support Assistant (ELSA) Intervention

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Sharing stories about various situations can put a child's mind at ease and make transitions and new experiences easier to cope with and more understandable. When a book might help is a list of story books suitable for this purpose.

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Sharing stories about various situations can put a child's mind at ease and make transitions and new experiences easier to cope with and more understandable. When a book might help is a list of story books suitable for this purpose.

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If you're feeling overwhelmed, anxious or sad about what's going on in the news, know that you're definitely not alone. Here are some actions we can take to help us cope better through times like this.

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Take a look at our resources, information and support, find further help or reach out to one of our volunteers.

Resources for you

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Shout - UK's 24/7 Crisis Text Service for Mental Health Support

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Shout 85258 is the UK's first 24/7 text service for anyone in crisis. Get free, confidential mental health support anytime, anywhere. Text 'SHOUT' to 85258.

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Where to get urgent help for mental health - NHS

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Where to get urgent help for mental health - NHS

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you are not able to speak to your local NHS urgent mental health helpline

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you're not sure what to do

111 will tell you the right place to get help if you need to see someone.

You may be able to speak to a nurse, or mental health nurse, over the phone.

A GP can advise you about helpful treatments and also help you access mental health services. You may be able to refer yourself to some services.

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Where to get urgent help for mental health

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You may need urgent help for mental health for many different reasons. Some people call it a crisis, an emergency or a breakdown. It's important to know that support is available, whatever you're going through.

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Text YM to 85258.

Provides free, 24/7 text support for young people across the UK experiencing a mental health crisis.

All texts are answered by trained volunteers, with support from experienced clinical supervisors.

Texts are free from EE, O2, Vodafone, 3, Virgin Mobile, BT Mobile, GiffGaff, Tesco Mobile and Telecom Plus.

Texts can be anonymous, but if the volunteer believes you are at immediate risk of harm, they may share your details with people who can provide support.

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Text YM to 85258. Provides free, 24/7 text support for young people across the UK experiencing a mental health crisis. All texts are answered by trained volunteers, with support from experienced clinical supervisors. Texts are free from EE, O2, Vodafone, 3, Virgin Mobile, BT Mobile, GiffGaff, Tesco Mobile and Telecom Plus.

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The importance of friendships for your mental health

Friends can help you with your mental health in lots of different ways. They might check in with how you are feeling, or simply make you laugh with the best TikToks. They might also help you by:

When friends help and support you, they can boost your self-esteem, make you feel good, and remind you that you are loved for who you are. They can help you to look after your mental health.

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Our Activists and other young people like you, share how their friends have helped them with their mental health.

Talking to friends about mental health

Talking to a friend about your mental health is one of the first steps on the road to feeling better. But sometimes, this can feel quite scary. You might not know what to say, or you might be nervous about sharing how you are feeling. That's okay! Here are some tips that can help:

Pick a good time when you won't get interrupted and find a quiet space to chat.

Explain how you are feeling.

Be clear about what you want shared. You may not want other friends to know yet, and that's okay. Let your friend know that you are not ready to share with others. However, if your friend is worried that you aren't safe, they will need to tell a trusted adult.

Remember: Good friends will want to be there for you so you don't have to struggle alone. For more tips, have a look at our page on reaching out for help.

It is normal to feel nervous or uncomfortable when it comes to talking about your mental health. This can make you feel like it is not something you want to do, but talking about your mental health with the people you trust is often the first step to feeling better.

If you are struggling with a friendship

Throughout our lives, we might struggle with our friendships. We might argue with friends, no longer speak to friends we were once close to, or we might lose some friendships. You might struggle with a friend because:

one of you moves away, making it difficult to keep in touch

your friend makes new friends that you do not feel comfortable around

you might be left out of the friendship group

you meet new friends and aren't able to spend as much time with your old friend as you used to

one of you might be struggling with your mental health, meaning that you/your friend might be withdrawn and not keeping in touch as much

your friend might not understand how you are feeling or what you are going through - this can make it difficult to chat to your friends, or make it feel like they aren't taking your feelings seriously

you are making the effort to see your friend and stay in touch but they aren't making the effort back

they often ask you for advice and it feels like a lot of responsibility that you are struggling to manage

We might have arguments with friends, and sometimes fall out, but often you can get through those difficult moments together. You or your friend may not have realised how each other were feeling or understood what either of you were going through.

By talking things through and explaining how you both feel, you can both learn to better understand how you can support each other. Overcoming these tough times together can sometimes help make your friendship stronger.

Coping with the loss of a friendship

In some situations, however, your friendship might come to an end. You may have tried to work through an argument and it hasn't worked out, or they may have not been very nice to you.

Friendships can come to a natural end too. There might not be a specific reason, but you might no longer keep in touch. Sometimes people grow apart and that's okay.

When friendships come to an end, it can be really tough. Friends are there through the highs and lows - they can be like our chosen family, meaning that it can feel tough to move on - but things can get better over time.

If someone close to you passes away, it can be extremely difficult. Jacob shares how he coped with the death of his best friend and Nia shares advice on how she coped with losing a friendship.

If you have lost a friend, our page has advice if you're finding it hard to cope.

When I lost my best friend to suicide at 16 years old, I had panic attacks and walked out of lessons at college, flooded in oceans of guilt and upset.

I went from being a very hard-working media student to not caring. I became very distant and didn't put much effort into my work.

I reached out to my GP who was very useful in supporting me. I found a counsellor, which has been a lifesaver for me in getting me back on my feet and learning how to manage my grief while keeping the memories of my friend alive.

Jacob's story: Coping with the death of my best friend

Over the years of hurting and healing, I have unfortunately learnt that there is no magic cure for dealing with the loss of a friendship. You can't ambush a heart into healing or speeding up the process, but the days get less painful and in my experience, you will come through the other side.

Take time for yourself. Don't try and replace them. Learn what it was that you valued in that friendship. Figure out what it is that you feel like you are missing without them. This will help you to look for it in future.

Cherish those friends who are currently around you, hold onto the memories you've made and trust the process.

Nia's story: How to cope with the loss of a friendship

Tips and advice from our Activists

Our Activists share their tips on what to do if you're struggling with a friendship.

Understanding when a friendship is unhealthy

While occasional arguments or disagreements can be normal between friends, there are times when friendships can become unhealthy and affect you in a negative way. This can be things like:

your friends pressuring you to do something you feel uncomfortable with, like taking drugs or drinking alcohol

when jokes or banter become hurtful and disrespectful

you are constantly arguing and falling out

they continue to ask you for help when you have told them you are unable to

they make you feel guilty

they make you feel uncomfortable when spending time with different friends and make you feel like you have to choose between them

they bully you

the friendship feels 'one-sided', where they ask a lot of you but you don't feel like they support you in return

they isolate you from a group on purpose, making you feel lonely

Sometimes, friends might do these things unintentionally or without realising, or they might continue to do them after you've asked them to stop. Ultimately, it's about how you feel about the friendship.

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Artwork by @thetypewriterdaily. An open sketchbook shows a drawing that represents releasing what isn't for you. The left-hand page shows a hand releasing grey colours from its palm. The right-hand page shows a hand receiving a rainbow into its palm. The text reads, 'release what isn't for you so you can receive what is - Mansi.'

If you're finding a friendship difficult

If you're finding a friendship difficult, you might want to talk to that friend about how they have been treating you. You might be nervous about talking to them, or worried about how they will react. Childline have some tips on how you can talk to your friend and be assertive to explain how you feel.

If your friend is constantly asking you for help but you're not sure what to say, it can make you feel stressed or anxious. Our page on how to support a friend with their mental health has tips on how you can set boundaries and look after your mental health, which you may find helpful.

When a friendship becomes unhealthy, it can impact other areas of your life and how you think and feel. It can make you feel down or anxious, or might lower your self-esteem and how you feel around other people. If you feel like this, it's important that you are able to get help. Even when you disagree with friends, you still deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.

You are confused, the world seems scary, and it feels like everyone else fits in and you don't. As if they all have the rule book to life which you forgot to pick up.

Right now, fitting in seems so, so important. But understanding friendships seems impossible and people are just really hard work! Growing up is hard. I know people say this a lot, but it really is true.

I know it feels like nobody gets you - you feel like an outsider looking in. You feel like an alien, born onto the wrong planet and in some ways, I guess you are. But actually, being different isn't a bad thing.

Coping with peer pressure

It's normal for people to compare themselves to their friends and peers, and often the influence of your friends can have a positive role in shaping your identity. Sometimes though, the influence of your friends and peers can be a cause of stress.

If you feel like you're being pressured by friends or peers into doing something that you don't want to do, this is called peer pressure. For example, you might feel pressured to take drugs or drink alcohol, to take dangerous risks when driving, or to have sex before you feel ready. If you are in a situation like this, it's important to say how you feel and that you don't want to take part. If your friends keep trying to get you to take part, speak to a trusted adult about how you are feeling. You need to make sure you are safe, so if you do feel at risk, you should reach out to professional services.

Seek out good friendships

You may worry that by not doing something that your friends are doing, you will be left out, or it will damage your friendship.

But remember, a good friend won't pressure you to do anything you're not comfortable with.

You deserve to have friends that accept your decisions and make you feel as though your feelings are valid.

Below are some tips to help you cope with peer pressure. Rose, 20, also shares her advice in our blog.

Real stories about friendship from young people

Get help now

If you are struggling with a friend and not sure who to talk to, there are people who will help you get through this. Here are some organisations that can provide you with support.

Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If you are in crisis right now and want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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Friends | Tips and Advice about Friendships

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Friends can be a source of mental health support. But sometimes, you might find you're not getting along. Our page has tips and advice that can help you.

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Home page for Simon Says Child Bereavement Support charity showing support activities and ways you can support the charity.

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Winston's Wish is the UK's childhood bereavement charity. We support children and their families after the death of someone important.

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We help children, young people, parents, and families to rebuild their lives when a child grieves or when a child dies.

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Hampshire Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS) are an NHS service that aims to help young people up to the age of 18 who are finding it…

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YoungMinds | Mental Health Charity For Children And Young People

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YoungMinds are a mental health charity for children, young people and their parents, making sure all young people can get the mental health support they need.

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PACE: A trauma-informed approach to supporting children & young people

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PACE: A trauma-informed approach to supporting children & young people

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Southern Health NHS Foundation Trust and Barnardos are working together to deliver the Healthy Child Programme throughout Hampshire. This website provides details for access to health visiting and school nursing services, workshops for healthy eating and support with post-natal depression.

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Make a change today! Discover healthy recipes, food swaps, nutritional advice, and top tips and activities to help the whole family stay healthy.

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Supporting Children Through Divorce or Separation - Video

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Supporting Children Through Divorce or Separation - Video

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Supporting children through divorce or parental separation | YoungMinds Parents Lounge

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If you're worried about how your relationship break-up might affect your child, here is our advice on how you can support them through the process.

Guide Menu for Divorce and separation

Guide contents (jump to section)

How can I help my child?

Every child and young person's experience with the loss of their known family unit will be unique, but it can sometimes cause intense emotional distress.

In the immediate aftermath of a break-up, children's early responses can involve a number of defence behaviours, including: denial, disbelief, dissociation, hyperactivity, irritability and protest, alarm and panic. Over time, children may experience grief and display behaviours and emotions that indicate yearning and pining, sadness and depression, anger and hostility, anxiety, guilt, shame and despair. Even if children feel relieved at a family break-up where violence is a significant factor, most children will still feel some loss and grief.

There are things you can do to improve the way your child copes with the changes going on around them.

Things that may really make a difference:

Download our full Parents Helpline guide to divorce and separation

For more information and advice, you can download our full Parents Helpline guide to divorce and separation. The guide includes:

information about how children of different age groups may react to - and cope with - their parents divorcing or separating

advice on how you can support your child through a parental break-up

a list of helplines and services you can use

Parental alienation and emotional abuse

A parent who turns their child against their other parent by bad-mouthing, belittling the other adult, limiting contact between them, forbidding discussion about them, creating the impression the parent does not love the child or forcing the child to reject the parent is becoming increasingly common and can do significant damage to children's mental health.

The Chief Executive of the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service (CAFCASS), Anthony Douglas, recommended in February 2017 that parents who use this type of 'alienation' should be considered guilty of neglect or emotional abuse.

You may also find helpful...

Where to get help

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Divorce & Young People's Mental Health | Parent Guide

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If you're worried about how your relationship break-up might affect your child, here is our advice on how you can support them through the process. Guide Menu for Divorce and separation Guide contents (jump to section) How can I help my child?

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A child can't be forced to see the non-resident parent but if there's a court order in place, the resident parent must follow the agreed arrangements.

It's really important that you ask your child and explore what's bothering them before you think about stopping contact with a parent or another family member.

Both parents should work towards helping the child feel safe and happy in their care. A child's feelings are important but contact should be encouraged as long as it does not place them at harm.

If a young person doesn't feel their voice is being heard, they can contact an advocacy service such as NYAS, which helps young people in England and Wales express their wishes.

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Divorce and separation can be hard, but it's important that your child gets the right support. Know your rights and get advice on helping your child.

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Cafcass - Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service

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Parenting together

If you're splitting up, divorcing, or you've been separated for a while, you might find that sorting out the practicalities can feel overwhelming, especially if you have children. But helpful tools and information are available on the Cafcass website that can support you and your family.

Our section on how to co-parent can help guide you through some of the ways to reduce conflict and understand the needs of your children and how to make the best decisions for them.

We are actively working with partners in the court system to identify solutions to help reduce the increasing pressures on the family courts and to improve the experiences and outcomes for children and families. This section may support you to avoid going to court by providing tools to reduce conflict and make arrangements that both co-parents are happy with.

What to expect from Cafcass

Cafcass works with families only at the request of the court. After the court has received the application from either you or the other parent or carer, the court will usually refer the application to us. Our 'family court case' section outlines the role of Cafcass in court proceedings and what can be expected at hearings.

Cafcass works with families only at the request of the court. After the court has received the application from either you or the other parent [...]

This section helps separated families co-parent better. It provides information on how you can make arrangements for your children. We have collected resources that we [...]

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Divorce and separation - Cafcass - Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service

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If you're splitting up, divorcing, or you've been separated for a while, you might find that sorting out the practicalities can feel overwhelming, especially if you have children. But helpful tools and information are available on the Cafcass website that can support you and your family.

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Making child arrangements if you divorce or separate

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Making child arrangements if you divorce or separate

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You can choose how to make arrangements for looking after your children if you separate from your partner.

You and your ex-partner can usually avoid going to court hearings if you agree on:

where the children will live

how much time they'll spend with each parent

how you'll financially support your children

You can use a solicitor if you want to make your agreement legally binding.

You can agree on child maintenance at the same time or separately.

Get help agreeing

You can make a Parenting Plan with your ex-partner or use a mediator.

You can also get help and information from:

If you cannot agree on everything

You can ask a court to decide anything you cannot agree after mediation or getting other help.

You must show you've attended a meeting to see if mediation is right for you before applying to a court. You will not have to in certain cases, for example if there's been domestic abuse or social services are involved.

You will not usually get legal aid to help with court costs unless you're separating from an abusive partner.

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Making child arrangements if you divorce or separate

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Skip to main content We use some essential cookies to make this website work. We'd like to set additional cookies to understand how you use GOV.UK, remember your settings and improve government services. We also use cookies set by other sites to help us deliver content from their services.

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What to do if you are struggling with anger

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What to do if you are struggling with anger

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What is anger?

Show/hide caption

Three animated clouds are next to each other, the first cloud has lots of punching fists coming out if it with the words underneath highlighted in yellow: 'outward aggression'. The second cloud has marks on its cheeks, aiming punches towards itself with the words highlighted in yellow underneath 'inward aggression', the third cloud looks fed up and has thunderbolts around it, the words underneath highlighted in yellow read: 'passive aggression'.

Anger is one of a range of emotions that we all experience. It's ok and perfectly normal to feel angry about things that you have experienced.

Anger can start to become a problem when you express it through unhelpful or destructive behaviour - either towards yourself or other people. It can also contribute to you developing mental health problems, like depression and anxiety, or make existing problems worse.

If you find yourself doing these sorts of things, it might be a sign that you need some support:

hitting or physically hurting other people

shouting at people

breaking things

losing control

spending time with people who get you into trouble

constantly ending relationships or getting in trouble at school or work

Types of aggression

Do you often find yourself being aggressive towards other people?

Are you frightening or worrying yourself, or those around you with your behaviour?

Do you tell yourself that you hate yourself, that you're useless, that you don't deserve things?

Do you shut yourself off from the world, deny yourself things that make you happy or self-harm?

Do you behave passive-aggressively towards other people? Do you ignore people, refuse to speak to them, or are you often sarcastic or sulky?

Why do I feel angry?

Everyone feels angry sometimes - and we all have different triggers. You may experience anger in situations where you feel powerless, or frustrated. This could be because of problems at home or school, or if you've fallen out with a friend, or had a break-up with a partner. You might start to feel angry if you feel misunderstood by people around you, like your parents, or if you are confused about your sexuality.

But sometimes, you can feel angry and not know why. This could be the result of lots of stress and different pressures building up around you. Or it could be because of something that happened to you in the past, like neglect or abuse. Recognising the types of situations which trigger your anger is the first step to figuring out what is causing it, and finding a way to make things better.
What happened the last time you were angry? We asked several people what anger feels like for them, and how they manage it.

How can anger affect me?

When we get angry, it can be hard to think things through - especially if that anger seems overwhelming or uncontrollable. And if we feel angry a lot of the time - in other words, if we get into constant patterns of thinking angry thoughts about ourselves or others - it's hard to take a step back and communicate in a healthy and productive way.

We may tense up and clench our teeth. Our hearts might pump faster, our stomachs might churn, and we may clench our fists. These are useful early warning signs that we are getting wound up.

Sometimes, it can be difficult to recognise just how much anger you are feeling, and how it is affecting you. This might be because you have lots of things going on in your life.

After getting angry about something you might start to feel guilty about it, and this can make you feel worse.

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The same young person wearing a black t-shirt holds three signs. The signs read:

Here are things I do when I feel myself getting angry.

1. First of all, take a breath
2. Exercise helps me get some built-up frustration out of my system

Show/hide caption

The same young person wearing a grey jumper holds three signs. The signs read:

Here are things I do when I feel myself getting angry

1. I talk about how I am feeling
2. I try and recognise I'm angry and listen to others

Show/hide caption

The same young person has long brown hair and wears a yellow jumper, they hold three signs which read:

Here are things I do when I feel myself getting angry

1. Putting on my favourite music really helps
2. Doing an action that helps me feel something different, like walking my dog

Tips for managing your anger

Issues with anger can lead to risky behaviour, refusing to go to school, isolation, eating problems, depression, and self-harm.

Drinking too much alcohol or taking drugs might be seen as ways of coping with anger issues, but remember they will make you feel worse and are likely to create bigger problems later.

Over time, you'll learn to manage your anger better yourself. When you feel angry or stressed you can try out different relaxation techniques to help you calm down, such as:

going for a walk

listening to music

taking deep breaths

doing some exercise

doing something you enjoy - skateboarding, painting, swimming

talking to someone about how you are feeling

playing computer games to take your mind off it

reading a book

having a hot bath

If you have a problem with someone, think about what you want to say beforehand and how you want to get your point across. Listen to their point of view and calmly put yours across too.

If you feel your anger levels rising, walk away from a situation to calm down, rather than saying or doing something you might regret later. You can learn to manage your anger and find techniques that work for you.

Our Activists share their anger management tips:

Read real stories about dealing with anger

Getting help for anger

If you often feel angry there are things you can do to help yourself. Other people can help too.

Talk about how you are feeling. Parents or carers and other family members, such as grandparents, may be good listeners. Your close friends and other family friends may be able to help.

At school, find a teacher, mentor, counsellor or school nurse who you trust. In the community, social workers, youth workers and leaders will also be able to listen.

You can also see your GP. They may be able to suggest some treatment or recommend a counsellor.

Your GP may refer you to your child and adolescent mental health service (CAMHS) where you would talk to a specialist about your feelings and behaviour. The specialist may advise you how to deal with these. They may also suggest counselling if there are problems or things that happened in the past that may be causing your anger issues now.

If counselling is your best option, the specialist arranges a series of confidential one-to-one sessions with a counsellor or therapist.

You can talk with them about concerns or problems you might have. The counsellor will help you work through your issues and give you skills and strategies to deal with your anger better. Find out more about what support you can get through counselling on our page.

If you are a parent or carer of a child or young person who has anger issues, take a look at our parents guide to anger advice page. We can also support you through our Parents Helpline. We are here to listen to you, and give you free, confidential advice and information.

Keep a note of how you're feeling:

What happened that made you angry?

How did you respond? Did it help?

How did you feel afterwards?

What else is on your mind? Is there something making you feel worried, scared or alone?

It helps to talk about how you're feeling. You could try saying:

"I've been feeling really wound up recently and I'm starting to think something might be wrong. Can I talk to you about it?"

"I want to talk to you about something that's been bothering me."

Here are some organisations and helpline services who can support you with what you're going through right now.

Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If you are in crisis right now and want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

This form is anonymous. Please do not include personal details like your name or email address. As this form is anonymous, you will not receive a reply. If you would like us to reply, you can contact us instead at ymenquiries@youngminds.org.uk.

We only monitor responses during working hours, Monday to Friday.
At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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What To Do If You Are Struggling With Anger

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We all feel angry sometimes, often for a good reason. But sometimes, we might be feeling angry a lot, or find it becomes uncontrollable or harmful.

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How to Control Anger - Children's Society

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How to Control Anger - Children's Society

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Anger is normal. But it can get out of hand. Here are some tips for calming down and taking control of your anger.

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LEGO®-Based Therapy is a social development program that uses LEGO® activities to support the development of a wide range of social skills within a group setting.
LEGO®-Based Therapy was developed in the mid-1990s by US paediatric neuropsychologist Daniel LeGoff. He was inspired by watching two of his customers with Autism Spectrum Disorder play with LEGO in his waiting room and displaying previous non-demonstrated positive social interactions.

While initially developed for children with autism, LEGO®-Based Therapy has since been found to benefit children with a variety of communication and social developmental difficulties.

What are the benefits of LEGO®-Based Therapy?

Playing with LEGO® in a therapy setting promotes social interaction, turn-taking skills, sharing, collaborative problem-solving and the learning of concepts. It can be used to target goals around social skills, language and motor skills. By using a commonly adored tool like LEGO® it capitalises on its existing motivation and supports self-esteem by allowing the participants to demonstrate their skills in a social situation. It also sets up a positive opportunity for guided social problem-solving to help develop social skills that can then be used in other situations.

Children with autism sometimes find it challenging to understand what is expected of them in a social situation, particularly within unstructured play activities. LEGO®-Based Therapy provides a highly structured environment where everyone plays a specific role within the group. This can help children with autism feel calm and relaxed as they are doing something that they enjoy and know precisely what to expect and what is expected of them.

At Therapy Focus, we regularly host LEGO®-Based Therapy groups to help our customers work towards their goals. We usually call them LEGO® Club.

What happens during a LEGO®-Based Therapy session?

During a LEGO®-Based Therapy session, three or four children of similar ages and abilities work together to build a LEGO® model following.

Each child takes on one of four specific roles to do this:

The Engineer oversees reading and relaying the instructions. The Engineer must tell the Supplier what pieces to retrieve and tell the Builder how to build the model.

The Supplier oversees finding the correct LEGO pieces. The Supplier must listen to the Engineer and figure out what piece to retrieve, and then given these pieces to the Builder.

The Builder oversees physically building the model. The Builder must listen to instructions provided by the Engineer and receive the pieces that are retrieved by the Supplier.

The Foreman makes sure everyone is doing what they need to do. They provide help to other roles when needed and look out for social challenges that may need problem-solving by the group.

Using this format provides each child with an opportunity to practice and develop a wide range of skills, including language skills (in both giving and receiving instructions) turn-taking, negotiating, sharing and collaborative social problem-solving. It also encourages children to reflect on their own actions and skills as well as give constructive feedback to their peers.

Can you do LEGO®-Based Therapy at home?

Absolutely! Dust off some of those LEGO® sets and get the family involved with LEGO Therapy at home.

Do not have any LEGO® sets at home? That is okay! If you have random LEGO bricks search 'simple LEGO builds' on Google, and you'll be provided with a range of different things to build.

Two, three, or four people can join in this activity with each person taking on a fun role!

Playing with three people:

1. First, choose someone to be the Engineer. This person will be the gatekeeper of the LEGO® project (the instruction booklet). The other members of the group are not allowed to see the project book. This means The Engineer will need to use their communication skills to describe the pieces needed and how to put them together.

2. The Engineer provides instructions to both the Supplier and the Builder.

3. The Engineer will describe the size, shape, colour, how many pieces, and how many bumps the LEGO® pieces need.

4. The Engineer will provide instructions for how to build the project. For example, the Engineer could say "Put the white piece in the middle of the blue roof" if you were building a house.

5. Second, choose someone to be the Supplier. This is a pivotal role in the world of construction.

6. The Supplier is responsible for ensuring that they have the correct pieces of LEGO for the Builder.

7. The Supplier can 'check-in' with the Engineer by showing them the LEGO piece and confirming it is correct.

8. If it is correct, they pass it to the Builder.

9. If it is incorrect, the Supplier can ask for more information from the Engineer.

10. Finally, choose someone to play the most coveted role in the project - the Builder.

11. The Builder is responsible for building the project.

12. The Builder listens to instructions provided by the Engineer for building.

13. The Builder must work with the Engineer to ensure what they are building is the same as what is in the project booklet.

Playing with two people.

If there are only two of you, one person can take on two roles. For example, one person may be the Supplier and Builder and the other person the Engineer.

Playing with four people.

If you have four people, then the Foreman role can be introduced. The Foreman makes sure the team are working together to build their project. This person can share encouraging words, compliment others, or help someone with their role.

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What is LEGO-based therapy? Expert Advice - Therapy Focus

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LEGO®-Based Therapy is a social development program that uses LEGO® activities to support the development of a wide range of social skills within a group setting. LEGO®-Based Therapy was developed in the mid-1990s by US paediatric neuropsychologist Daniel LeGoff.

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Talkabout - Structured Programme to Teach Social Skills

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Talkabout - Structured Programme to Teach Social Skills

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Talkabout was first developed in the early nineties following a clinical study into the effectiveness of social skills work which found that the success of intervention increased if nonverbal behaviours were taught prior to verbal behaviours, and assertiveness was taught last.

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Starving the Anxiety Gremlin - Anxiety UK

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Starving the Anxiety Gremlin A Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Workbook on Anxiety Management for Young People by Kate Collins-Donnelly.