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Pros: had great imagery and sentence structure. Clear essay that a reader could understand. Developed a plot well
Cons: Doesn't exgage the reader very well and doesn't have a clear themer

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Essay one has mostly short, choppy sentences, and several spelling errors. The paragraphs don't flow well, and they could use more details. I would give it a 2.
Essay two has good details, but it runs too fast. I would give it a 3.

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Th language was basic and has very few sensory details. The author seems rushed, and he or she does not include transitions. The essay includes many simple sentences and does not have a concise thesis. On the other hand, the author does tie into a universal theme: death. The way that he or she presents it does evoke emotions, but could be improved through fuguritive language.
Score: 2

Essay #2
The handwriting is slightly illegible, but the author does include sensory details. The introduction does not have any thesis, but does introduce the setting. The author seemed to run out of space on the paper, and his or her purpose was not clear.
Score: 2.5

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Pros: Had a good topic and idea of where he was going
Cons: Poor grammar, no imagery, low variety in sentences, no theme, couldn't find a good plot, didn't have a great flow
Score: <1.5 or 2

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This essay has a lot of misspelled words
Some of the sentences don't make any sense
It is not very organized

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Essay 1: The essay does not have a lot of sentence variety. There are grammar and spelling problems. It also needs better vocabulary. The essay isn't really interesting, but it has a theme to it. There was a big time skip in the middle, which made the essay confusing. The writer gave reasons and explained how she/he was changed by her/his grandpa. There was no sensory details and the story was kind of rushed. Score: 1
Essay 2: It describes the setting more and has sensory details. Has dialogue, unlike the first essay. This essay does not have a theme; however, it is very descriptive. It also has a plot and a resolution. Score: 3

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Essay 1: This narrative uses basic vocabulary and only simple sentences. They would benefit from more developed word choices and better descriptions. Grammar mistakes occur through this article as well as other errors.
Score: 2

Essay 2: Essay 2 has more advanced vocabulary and provides detail in what the author is doing. The author developes the story and uses adequate sentence variety throughout.
Score: 4

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Article 1
This story was not written well. It wasn't fully explained. There was not very much detail that was included and there were just brief descriptions that told you very little detail about how he felt.
Score: 1

Article 2:
This story was really well written and it had a very clear moral to it. The story kept you engaged and I didn't get bored while reading it.
Score: 3.5

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Essay 1: To begin with the positive attributes of this narrative, there was a meaningful  idea that the story was based on. The death and personal experience helped the reader relate to the author's perspective, as well as the theme suggested in the end. However, the story had many grammatical errors, no sensory details, no imagery, or written emotion. Therefore, the reader is not able to fully connect and be one with the story. It also lacked what every story should include: a story line, or plot. SCORE: 1.5
Essay 2: This essay had a very good lead and a developed plot line, as well as imagery and sensory details. Although there were some grammatical errors little dialogue, the story communicated well to the reader. However, the narrative should have also included more imagery to better describe his/her experience. The author also should have drawn out the moments they were drowning because this was the most exciting part, but it was very brief and wasn't well written. SCORE: 2.5

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Essay 1: Essay 1 started off with an odd introduction. They didn't really grab the readers attention, there wasn't a setting, and the characters weren't introduced very well. Throughout the essay, many grammar mistakes were made and the events weren't very detailed. Also, there wasn't much sentence variety in the essay.
Score: 2
Essay 2: Essay 2 has a very descriptive introduction that includes a lot of imagery. There is setting and dialogue throughout the essay.
Score: 4

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Essay 1: The introduction is full of simple of choppy sentences, and fails to convey much of plot. The writer tries to pull a sympathy card rather than attempting to make the story readable. The transitioning is sparsely used and makes the story rather choppy. On top of the bad sentence variety the author has multiple grammar errors. The story sounds like it was written by someone far younger than an 8th grader and I would not be surprised if a 4th grader could do better. The details and imagery were lacking and made the story bland. At most the essay would receive an apprentice.
Essay 2: The introduction provides a wonderful amount of imagery for the reader to enjoy. It helps lure the reader in for further reader. Although the essay has few grammatical errors, it contains more sentence variety than the first essay. Even though essay 2 is far more detailed is fails to portray much of a theme. It would at most be proficient or low apprentice.

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Essay 1: This essay was very inconsistent in grammar and vocab, and it was almost entirely made up of simple sentences. While still chronological, the lack of details and coordination left the reader confused and concerned. The writer seemed to address the main plot well, but the essay itself did not contain the valuable details needed to fully comprehend the story line.
Score: 1.5

Essay 2: This essay was far better than the first, yet it was still lacking in certain instances. It contained decent imagery that gave the reader a basic understanding of the surroundings, and the writer kept the plot on track fairly well. While still having a couple grammar issues, the essay was, overall, just okay.
Score: 3

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Essay 1: Essay one displayed a general representation of a chronological storyline and theme, but failed to provide descriptive details or sentence variety to make the story in any way interesting. Grammatical errors are frequent, sometimes hindering the reader's ability to understand the essay's language, and the whole piece feels very elementary and lackluster. Score: 1.5                            Essay 2: While Essay two demonstrated a proper use of figurative and descriptive language, as well as including a little dialogue, there was very little development of the main character in the story. Furthermore, there was a large amount of grammatical errors and poor handwriting, making the essay difficult to read for much of the time. Score: 3

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Essay 1: Essay one displayed a general representation of a chronological storyline and theme, but failed to provide descriptive details or sentence variety to make the story in any way interesting. Grammatical errors are frequent, sometimes hindering the reader's ability to understand the essay's language, and the whole piece feels very elementary and lackluster. Score: 1.5                            Essay 2: While Essay two demonstrated a proper use of figurative and descriptive language, as well as including a little dialogue, there was very little development of the main character in the story. Furthermore, there was a large amount of grammatical errors and poor handwriting, making the essay difficult to read for much of the time. Score: 3

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Pros: Had a good idea of what he wanted to talk about and had good sequence of the story
Cons: Very poor grammar and sentence structure. Low sensory detail and didn't

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Essay 1: This essay seems to have been written by a fourth grader at most. The writer is very senseless throughout the narrative. The reader is left reading choppy sentences throughout the whole passage. The writer doesn't portray enough information to help the reader know what is happening.
Score: 1.5
Essay 2: The passage begins with explicit details on what is going on. The writer uses imagery to show the reader how it is the perfect day to go rafting. The writer uses great sensory details. The theme is presented to where the reader will understand the plot of the story completely. It lacks transitions and has few grammar mistakes.
Score: 3

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Essay 1 - The essay starts of by saying things in his life weren't going well and then for the last sentence says his grandpa died. This is not a very strong introduction and hook. The  essay contained grammar mistakes and some words word missing. I feel the writer didn't fully develop the plot.
Score: 1

Essay 2 - The essay had a more developed plot than essay one and had fewer grammar mistakes. The writer included one example of dialogue saying "man overboard"while the first essay had none. The essay included complex sentences in their essay also.
Score: 3

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Essay 1: This essay contains very many grammatical errors. There are also many punctuation errors. There is not much sentence variety throughout the narrative, and when they try to make more complex sentences, it is done incorrectly. Also, there is no moral to the story or a good climax. The first paragraph is very short and has very short sentences. The narrative is also difficult to understand because it lacks sensory details.
Score: 1.5

Essay 2: This essay contains only a few punctuation errors. It does a well job of using sensory details to make me feel like I am there. It also has more sentence variety than essay one, but still could use more. The paragraphs are an appropriate length. The story doesn't show a direct theme, which is very important.
Score: 3

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Essay 1:The grammar used makes the death feel like it didn't affect the author as much as he mentions.Also it down plays the Narrative as a whole.It also lacks in sentences other than simple sentences and has an non-serious tone

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Essay 1:The grammar used makes the death feel like it didn't affect the author as much as he mentions.Also it down plays the Narrative as a whole.It also lacks in sentences other than simple sentences and has an non-serious tone

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Score:2
Essay 2:Descriptive wording, but hand writing was somewhat hard to read.Strong plot and character development.
Score:3

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Essay 1- This essay consists of multiple grammar mistakes. Also, the narrative has multiple spelling mistakes. There is a conflict but there is not much information on how it is resolved. But, there was some sentence structure. Score-2

Essay 2- Essay two has less grammar mistakes and more information. There are multiple sensory details and similies used in the narritive. The essay is organised and provides the solution to the conflict.

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Apprentice 2
The narrative essay fails to intrest  the reader and has many grammatical errors that impede the understanding of the essay.  For example, there were many comma errors.  One example is "He was more than a Grandparent, he was a friend."  This is a comma splice and would bring the score down.  Also the author puts commas before because, which is an error.  There were a variety of sentence structure but has a very weak theme.
Essay 2:
Distinguish 4
The essay has sentence variety and contains parallel structures.  There were some grammatical errors, but it did not impede the reading.  The theme is proficient.  It had good sensory details.

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ESSAY 1:
Pros: It has good capitalization and decent punctuation. It also maintains a clear focus.
Cons: Many of the sentences are choppy, and the vocab in this essay is very weak, and some words, such as "Happ and Watched (where they mean watching)" are misspelled or misused. Another grammar related misuse is in the tenses. The tense constantly switches from past to present quite frequently in the middle of the sentence.
SCORE: 2

ESSAY 2:
Pros: Nice descriptive words, and they efficiently set the mood for the story. It maintains a general focus and adds lots of details.
Cons: It jumps scenes without warning, such as the transition from eating to suddenly rafting again.
SCORE: 3.5

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Essay 1: This essay sounds like a third grader wrote it. There is very minimal amount of advanced words and little sentence variety. The spelling and subject verb agreement could be revised. The main idea (grandpa) could have been mentioned more in the intro. The story still had a good plot and got the theme through to the reader pretty clearly. The author was also "happ".
SCORE: 2

Essay 2: Good hook to get the reader interested. It was hard to read at some points. The plot was well developed. Sequential order orders the events so that we know what is going on. It has dialogue, but only one sentence.
SCORE: 3.5

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Essay 1: This essay is very bland, and has few descriptive details. The writer uses very simple vocabulary,  and has very poor grammar throughout the essay.  It is occasionally difficult to understand due to the errors.
Score :  2

Essay 2:  This essay seems more thought out and has fewer grammatical errors.  It was more energetic and exciting, but still was quite bland.

Score : 3

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Essay 1-  The essay doesn't give much sensory details to enhance the story. There is a conflict in the narrative, which is the divorced parents and the grandfather's death, but there is no solution. There are also many grammatical and spelling errors. SCORE- 1.5
Essay 2- This essay doesn't have as much errors as essay 1. There are characters and some dialogue. There is a conflict but no theme. There is also sensors details SCORE-3.5

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Essay 1
This essay started off with a partially off topic discussion of the changes going on in his life,  then gets to a choppy sentence that finally introduces us to the topic. Thus making the previous sentences irrelevant. The author chose not to use vivid details of the moment finding out about his grandfathers death, thus keeping the reader unknowing about how this mad the author truly feel. As the reader, you feel disconnected from the main character in this time of grief. So we are not able to relate to the cirumstances, and feel no sympathy or emotions towards this issue. In a narrative, the reader should be able to relate and understand the main cahracters problem. This essay does not give us this. Score=1
Essay 2
This essay does a better job of introducing the topic, but it lacks truly descriptive detail of the day without sounding cliche.The overall story was good, but it lacked the urgency that would have improved the danger of the story greatly. Instead of worrying for his life, we tried to understand what had gotten him caught by the neck. The end was interesting though, in the fact that the main character was saved but we didn't know how this affected him long-term. Score=2.5

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Essay 1- This essay consists of several spelling mistakes and doesn't contain any advance sentence varieties. Also this essay doesn't provide the reader with multiple sensory details. SCORE- 1.5

Essay 2- Although this essay contains few grammatical errors, it provides the reader with more details and multiple sentence varieties.

However, this essay needs better hook. SCORE-3

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The Pros and Cons of Both Narrative Essays

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The Pros and Cons of Both Narrative Essays

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Essay 1:
CONS: This essay uses very elementary vocabulary and does not use a variety of words. Also there is a lack of transitions used in paragraphs and in between each one. No character depth  or no variety in sentences
Pros: Gave conflict but no resolution. there is a theme
Score:1.5

Essay 2:
Cons: The author does not have a clear idea. Also there are a few grammatical mistakes made.
Pros: Great sensory details and sentence variety used.
Score:3

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Has run-on sentences: "Two summer's previously, he came down and was there with me, watched me." There was no conclusion or he/she didn't indent their last paragraph.
The first paragraph was too short and it only had two sentences. He/she had some spelling errors.
Score:2

Essay two:
Few spelling mistakes
Good hook
Rushes too much Score:2

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Essay 1: This essay sounds like it was written by someone very young. When you first start reading you see spelling errors, choppy sentences, and  lack of grammar. This essay has some great imagery seen through the writing, but it is very underdeveloped. Also, there are no transitions which make the discussion sound very off of the topic the writer is talking about and the conclusion isn't develeoped. Score: 1

Essay 2:  Pros:Great sensory details, correct grammar, sentence variety, and essay makes sense. Cons: No transitions, few grammar mistakes. The theme is seen throughout the essay and isn't that advanced.
Score: 3

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Essay One: In the introduction to the essay, little information is given and the sentences are choppy, boring the reader. As the essay continues, grammatical errors are prevalent and there is little sentence variety. The narrative lacks a clear theme or lesson, which makes reading the essay pointless. Score: 1
Essay Two: The introduction to the essay provides wonderful imagery that entices the audience to keep reading. Throughout the rest of the narrative, there are slight grammatical errors but varied sentence structure. There is a clear theme presented as well. Score: 3.5

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Essay 1: Essay 1 has a very weird introduction that in literally no way draws in the reader at all and is also very awkward. There are also so many grammar mistakes. The essay has no scenery details in the second paragraph of where the narrator was. It also has no sentence variety anywhere and uses no rich vocabulary. The sentences are all over the place and are about a completely different topic each time (does not go into great description)
Score: 2

Essay 2: This essay has no strong hook to tether the reader to the essay. Actually has scenery details. Has interesting climax.
Score: 3

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Pros:
Cons:
Score:

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Essay One- 2
This essay does not have enough of an introduction or hook. There are quite a few grammar mistakes, but it has a good message. Sometimes, the details are scattered, which can make it confusing.

Essay Two=3
This essay has good descriptions and details, but it lacks a proper introduction and conclusion. The story starts off quickly and ends abruptly. The story line is pretty clear, and there are several transitions. The handwriting is occasionally difficult to read, and there is not a clear theme.

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The Pros and Cons of Both Narrative Essays

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The Pros and Cons of Both Narrative Essays

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Essay 1: The sentences that are used are all very simple and it makes the death of the grandpa seem inconsequential. As well as, using improper grammar and punctuation in the essay. The essay is written in a very uncaring tone and makes the death of the grandpa seem very non emotional. Also, the character remembers things about his grandpa and does not go into greater depth which confuses the reader. Along with, the way the essay was written made it difficult to read because it felt as though it was written in a monotone voice.
Score: 1
Essay 2: The writing was illegible and made it difficult to understand what was being said. However, this essay does contain more emotion in it than essay 1, yet is still not as emotional as it should be. The characters did not have great depth to them which made some of the decisions that happened unclear. As well as, the chronological order that was used to develop the plot ended up making what was being read unclear and difficult to understand. The descriptions could have been clearer so the reader could imagine themselves there along with the character.
Score: 3.25

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Essay 1: The essay has a few words that are misspelled. Almost all of the sentences are simple sentences, so it lacks sentence variety. The order is caotic and it is hard to follow. There are a few parts that don't make much sense. Score: 2Essay 2: Great introduction and conclusion. Uses many details and the order flows well. It tells a great story and ends well. All the parts make sense and the grammar is pretty good.Score: 4 

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Essay 1: The essay has a few words that are misspelled. Almost all of the sentences are simple sentences, so it lacks sentence variety. The order is caotic and it is hard to follow. There are a few parts that don't make much sense. Score: 2Essay 2: Great introduction and conclusion. Uses many details and the order flows well. It tells a great story and ends well. All the parts make sense and the grammar is pretty good.Score: 4 

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This essay began with very little introduction to its topic. At the start, the topic leans toward being about the divorce of the writer's parents. Then, the writer begins to discuss that his or her grandfather died. From this point on, the writer talked about his/her relationship with the grandfather, but added many irrelevant details about things other than the grandfather. There were grammar mistakes along with misspelled words in the essay.
Score: 2.5

Essay Two
This essay was very detailed in communicating the topic: a water rafting trip. Some of the time, the essay could become a little too descriptive. The exact sandwich that the family ate that day is not important to the essay. This essay is well developed.
Score: 3.5

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Essay 1: This essay makes the situation sound very elementary and lacks emotion. The reader cannot relate with the writer about his experience and the reader feels that the writer is completely senseless. The writer does not use vivid verbs and adjectives to engage the reader, but instead uses cliches and commonly used words. The sentence variety bores the reader greatly and the reader cannot find any interest in reading the article in front of them. The writer's language makes him sound as if he were in elementary school and he does not use appropriate language for this essay. The verb moods and tenses were inconsistent and the writer switched incessantly between first and third person. The spelling, punctuation, and grammar consistently impaired the reader while he/she was reading. The writer is writing in a very lofty tone, often complementing him/herself with his text and makes the writer seem as if he/she were very accomplished. This has a moderately well used narrative structure, chronological, but the writer makes the essay very uninteresting. Score Point: < 1

Essay 2: This essay was a better representation of the event than essay 1. It had more descriptive words, but still bored the reader supremely. It had an aspect of excitement that you could feel emulating from the writer, but it never reached the realm of the reader. This essay contrasts the setting from the beginning of the essay to the setting near the end of the essay. It starts out as a perfect day and becomes a very choppy and rough afternoon. The chronological order does not make common sense and it makes the essay feel as if it were a story-line from a Brothers Grimm story. The entire story sounds very synthetic and does not include proper details to allow the reader to experience the reality. This essay had very bad handwriting and grammar and it impaired the reader's ability to understand the content. It had fine similes and metaphors, comparing the experience to other items, but these items were often harder to understand than the original event. The character background was not given very engagingly and the characters were confusing to understand. Overall, a very unclear essay.
Score Point: < 2

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Essay 1
Apprentice
Overall, the essay is trying to convey a good theme, but it is not developed very well. Grammar mistakes are scattered throughout the text, and there are many run-on sentences. The vocabulary is not very advanced. The writer does not explain the story very well and is incoherent with ideas, and there are no transitions between paragraphs. The reader does not know anything about the story or its characters, yet the writer almost seems to assume the reader knows about the back-story, causing a lack of important details.
Essay 2
Apprentice
The writer does not have a clear theme to convey - there is no clear purpose of the text. There are several grammar mistakes but not an overwhelming amount. Exposition seems to last the majority of the text, and too many unimportant details crowd the story; this causes the reader to not be interested in the text. More vivid details or descriptions could be used when he was underwater - the text lacked any emotion that the reader could empathize with.

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Essay 1
This text is very descriptive, greatly describing the setting of the story. This helps give the reader imagery of the white water rafting river. Although, this writing is full of errors and needs word and sentence variety. While the writer stays on topic the text doesn't have many exciting words to further provide imagery. Therefore, at its current state, it's at most a proficient.

Essay 2
The writer describes their emotions well within the text, although the essay doesn't start off with a strong lead. The writing seems rushed with multiple errors. Furthermore, the text has multiple sentences irrelevant to the topic. With such errors and lack of focus this essay earns at most an apprentice.