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This is Norfolk's OAP document that is still under consultation and for which we would love to hear your feedback. Please use it to support your practice, your team and your families. It has practical advice and strategies supporting a child-centred approach.

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Turn taking in a setting is difficult where it can be seen as unfair or unpleasant - particularly when children do not understand the premise or expectation. Enforced sharing tends to be the predominant model of sharing we use and happens because resources are restricted and where we are trying to demonstrate fairness. Creating visuals to help children understand helps as the first step of making this model of turn taking more acceptable where it is needed. An alterative turn taking model is where we help children to wait and allow others to finish playing in their own time - this approach supports patience, negotiation and emotional regulation skills. Making turn taking fun and desirable is crucial to support those social skills. See this article Turn-taking difficulties? Why ‘fun’ might have more solutions than ‘formality’. — Siren Films

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"A tantrum is a magical act of a desperate person"

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"A tantrum is a magical act of a desperate person"

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Phillips quote highlights that tantrums are not simply bad behavior or manipulation—they are expressions of emotional overwhelm and unmet needs and come from a time when, as babies needs were met differently.

In this view, a tantrum is a plea for connection or understanding, often from someone (typically a child) who lacks the words or emotional regulation to express distress more calmly. It reflects a moment when the person feels powerless, unheard, or out of control, and the outburst is their way of trying to regain some sense of agency or relief.

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This is a free resource from Play Move Improve website and shows some of the exercises to support reflex integration.

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"Self-regulation is a holistic process, with emotion regulation and cognitive regulation supporting the regulation of behaviour. It is not just a matter of regulating behaviour, nor is it only concerned with cognition. It affects (and is affected by) all aspects of children’s development"

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The Royal Foundation Centre for Early Childhood has produced these 6 short films about what supports a child's development. The films work with the Shaping Us Framework which is also available through this link.

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Centre for Early Childhood. Big change starts small. We’re on a mission to transform society through early childhood.

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We talk a lot about the importance of language, the way we use it, what we say, how we say it etc. Blank levels are important because they allow us to reflect on what we are saying and whether children are understanding. We know communication and language are vital for so many areas of development including supporting behaviour, so being able to communicate effectively, in a way children understand is crucial

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Have a look at our training brochure for courses to support your CPD

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Norfolk Schools and Learning Providers - Norfolk County Council

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The brochures below include early years and childcare courses taking place during spring 2024. Further dates and titles will be added throughout the term. Please refer to the Mailing List section below to ensure you are subscribed to receive emails when we add new training opportunities.

The majority of courses will take place online, however, some courses are scheduled to take place in-person. Please check the venue details for each course carefully before you apply.

Settings can apply for multiple places per course, however, a maximum of 4 spaces* per setting will be allocated initially to ensure fairness of opportunity. Additional members of staff will be added to a waiting list and allocated a place should the course have spaces prior to the start date.

*1 space per setting for Signalong Introduction and Signalong Routines workshops due to reduced training group size.

Early Years and Childcare Training Autumn 2023

First Aid training

12 Hour Paediatric First Aid courses are available to book with Norfolk Adult Learning. Please type 'Level 3 paediatric first aid' into the search bar on their site for a list of courses in Norfolk.

If you are unable to book with Norfolk Adult Learning please email earlyyearschildcare@norfolk.gov.uk for advice on your options.

Applying for training

Applications for training must be made at least 24 hours** prior to the course start date. We are unable to accept bookings after this time. If the course is taking place on a Monday we would need you to apply by the morning of the Friday before in order for your booking to be processed.

Joining instructions are emailed 3 days prior to the start of the course (unless you have applied late, then you will receive them 24 hours in advance of the start of the course).

If you are booked on to a course please ensure you have the joining instructions 24 hours in advance of the course so there is time to contact us if there are any issues.

**48 hours for courses in the Safeguarding Training brochure.

Mailing list

If you would like to be kept up to date with future training opportunities and early years developments, please subscribe to our email newsletter service.

FAQs
How do I pay for training?
If there is a charge for your course, your setting will be invoiced after the training takes place - usually towards the end of each half term period. You must pay promptly to avoid your future training applications being affected.
What happens after I've applied?
We will email you regarding your training application within 24 hours (during business hours, Monday-Friday). If you fail to receive any communication from us during this time frame you will need to contact us to check on the status of your application, in order to avoid any unnecessary non-attendance fees. It is the responsibility of the setting to check on the progress of applications if you fail to receive anything from us.
What should I do if I cannot attend a course?
If you are unable to attend a course, you must email your name, setting and details of the course to earlyyearschildcare@norfolk.gov.uk

You will receive an email acknowledgement confirming the cancellation.
*We do not accept cancellations by phone* Cancellation and non-attendance charges:

Cancelled place more than 24 hours' notice - No charge

Cancelled place less than 24 hours' notice - Cost of the place

No notice, didn't turn up or didn't fully complete a course with advertised costs - Cost of the place

When will I get my certificate?
If there is no charge for the training, certificates are issued after the training has taken place and will be emailed to you. If there is a charge, certificates are issued after the invoice has been paid (invoices are sent towards the end of each half term period).

If you did not find what you were looking for please contact the Early Years Learning & Achievement Service by email earlyyearschildcare@norfolk.gov.uk, alternatively call 01603 222300

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Early years training - Norfolk Schools and Learning Providers - Norfolk County Council

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Training programme, booking and cancelling courses

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Using Makaton as a way to support communication is brilliant for so many reasons not least because it is easy for parents to be involved in your planning. You can subscribe to Makaton with Lucinda and look for the signs you need.

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Hiya! I am Nikki - This is our family channel for our little Makaton videos. 😀. YouTube link - https://www.youtube.com/@makatonwithlucinda I am a qualified Makaton Tutor based in Weston super Mare, North Somerset, UK. I cover North Somerset / Somerset & surrounding areas 🙂 I run public training workshops and can be booked privately for in-house training at your workplace Email - nikkimakatontutor@gmail.com Bookwhen.com/nikkimakatontutor I have another channel for Makaton videos too - https://www.youtube.com/@nikkimakatontutor We started this channel a few years ago, but I qualified as a Makaton Tutor in April 2021. All our videos are UK Makaton. If you would like to follow my tutor pages they are as follows... Facebook - Nikki Makaton Tutor
Twitter / X - @MakatonNikki Instagram - Nikki Makaton Tutor
You Tube - https://www.youtube.com/@nikkimakatontutor Makaton with Lucinda is on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram too
#wetalkmakaton
#makaton #MakatonTutor #MakatonUK

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It is vital that we understand about intersectionality because it explains how different aspects of our identity such as race, age, gender, disability and more interact and overlap to shape our experiences of privilege, discrimination and oppression. It helps us to provide an inclusive, supportive, empathetic and understanding pedagogy and practice.The Early Years principle of being a unique person challenges the one-size-fits all agenda. "there is no such thing as a single-issue struggle because we do not live single issue lives " Audre Lorde

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A Beginner’s Guide to Intersectionality in the Early Years | Tapestry

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This free document has been created to support childminders, nurseries and schools interested in having conversations about intersectionality

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Download this new free guide on Play with a forward by Michael Rosen. Play does really matter and it is integral to regulation, problem-solving, mastery, relationships, self-esteem, autonomy, agency and more!

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FREE 30-day trial and added value package, supporting your transition to digital

Click here

Play Matters, the groundbreaking FREE guide to champion the power of play in children aged 0 - 8, is finally out, and as supporters of the project, we couldn't be more excited! 🎉

The Guide is a culmination of collaborative efforts from professionals across various disciplines, including education, psychology, health, and play therapy, and includes a foreword by celebrated author Michael Rosen.

What does the guide cover?

Each chapter offers insights and practical guidance on integrating play into various aspects of early childhood education and care and it features top experts in the field including Sue Cowley, Ruth Swailes, Dr Viki Veale, David Wright, Dr Angela Scollan, Dawn Wayne, Philippa Thompson, Tamsin Grimmer, Dr Karen Boardman, Dr Pam Jarvis and Dr Kate Renshaw. Chapters include:

Play and Joy​

Playful Learning from Birth

The Playful Brain​

Quality Play​

Play and Technology​

Play and Special Educational Needs and Disabilities​

Physical Development, Outdoor Learning, and Play​

Play in the Early Years Curriculum​

Play in School-Based Environments​

Play and Sustainability​

Play, Love, and Nurture​

Play Therapy​

Challenging Play​

The Future of Play​

Who is it for?

The guide is FREE, and it's for anyone who wants to promote the significance of play in early years settings! It's to support you and your practice, but also to be shared with colleagues and families too - everyone can benefit from embracing play!

You can download the PDF version directly from Early Years Reviews website, or for those who prefer a physical copy, it is available for purchase for £15:

Come and hear Dr Aaron Bradbury share more information about Play Matters in our March webinar on Wednesday 26th March, 8-9pm.

Dr Aaron Bradbury - Play Matters!

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Free Download - Play Matters Early Years Guide - Kinderly

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Champion the power of play in children aged 0 - 8 with the groundbreaking Play Matters guide created by top industry experts - download it for free here!

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You and your team are the most valuable asset in the setting so looking after staff and each other is going to help the adults, help to support the children, and those positive and warm relationships between adults will serve a a model and create a safe space for children too!

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Download your free copy of Play Matters which has contributions from many voices within the Early Years community who are advocating for play.

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FREE 30-day trial and added value package, supporting your transition to digital

Click here

Play Matters, the groundbreaking FREE guide to champion the power of play in children aged 0 - 8, is finally out, and as supporters of the project, we couldn't be more excited! 🎉

The Guide is a culmination of collaborative efforts from professionals across various disciplines, including education, psychology, health, and play therapy, and includes a foreword by celebrated author Michael Rosen.

What does the guide cover?

Each chapter offers insights and practical guidance on integrating play into various aspects of early childhood education and care and it features top experts in the field including Sue Cowley, Ruth Swailes, Dr Viki Veale, David Wright, Dr Angela Scollan, Dawn Wayne, Philippa Thompson, Tamsin Grimmer, Dr Karen Boardman, Dr Pam Jarvis and Dr Kate Renshaw. Chapters include:

Play and Joy​

Playful Learning from Birth

The Playful Brain​

Quality Play​

Play and Technology​

Play and Special Educational Needs and Disabilities​

Physical Development, Outdoor Learning, and Play​

Play in the Early Years Curriculum​

Play in School-Based Environments​

Play and Sustainability​

Play, Love, and Nurture​

Play Therapy​

Challenging Play​

The Future of Play​

Who is it for?

The guide is FREE, and it's for anyone who wants to promote the significance of play in early years settings! It's to support you and your practice, but also to be shared with colleagues and families too - everyone can benefit from embracing play!

You can download the PDF version directly from Early Years Reviews website, or for those who prefer a physical copy, it is available for purchase for £15:

Come and hear Dr Aaron Bradbury share more information about Play Matters in our March webinar on Wednesday 26th March, 8-9pm.

Dr Aaron Bradbury - Play Matters!

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Free Download - Play Matters Early Years Guide - Kinderly

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Champion the power of play in children aged 0 - 8 with the groundbreaking Play Matters guide created by top industry experts - download it for free here!

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This is a great poster that talks about the benefits of play. You can also download the Play Matters document look at the next slide for details

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"A toolkit that encourages and enhances reflective dialogue and practice which leads to continuous quality improvement." Reflection can be difficult but can be excellent for wellbeing and looking at our practice and how it can help both us and the children.

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Reflection with Guidance, a Froebelian tool for developing practice and transformation. A toolkit that encourages and enhances reflective dialogue and pract…

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How we can support early childhood experiences 

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How we can support early childhood experiences 

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this 5 minute video from Harvard talks about how our systems work together in our bodies and how what is happening in our environments, are so important to our development.

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Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University

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How Early Childhood Experiences Affect Lifelong Health and Learning

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This article goes through the issues with 'sorry' which is quite abstract for children and needs some support for them to understand what is means. Restorative practice and working on empathy is helpful so that we are modelling and showing how we can repair ruptures within our relationships which are inevitable!

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'What do you say?'

'Use your manners.'

'Say sorry!'

How many times have you caught yourself saying this? Or heard parents doing so? And how many times do you feel like it really helped the situation you were dealing with?

Whether they are intentional or a complete accident, conflicts happen in any childcare setting. It's easy to ask children of any age to apologise, and preparing children to understand why apologies matter is a crucial part of their development.

But so often, this approach forces apologies that come without meaning or a real understanding of exactly what's happened. We're going to take a look at what's wrong with forcing apologies like this, how empathy works in young children, and some tools you can use instead when faced with a situation that makes you want to say 'Say Sorry'.

‍

What's wrong with 'Say Sorry'

To start with, we need to think about exactly what we really want an apology to mean. In short, it shows that someone:

Accepts blame for an action

Has the empathy to understand that they've bothered someone else in some way

Has remorse or regret for what they did

Not quite as simple as it seems.

Asking children to expect to understand this full range of emotions is a lot. What can often come out instead is a robotic apology that means very little, because the child knows saying sorry is what is expected of them, even if they don't really understand why.

What's more, it's teaching children a magic word that can get them off the hook. And even more importantly, the practitioner is missing out on an opportunity to work through some crucial empathetic progress.

To better understand what might work instead, we need to know a little more about this whole empathy thing...

‍

‍

What about empathy?

Empathy isn't easy. Putting yourself in another person's shoes is really difficult to do, especially for young ones who are still developing an understanding of their own emotions.

In fact, empathy tends to be one of the last social skills children develop fully. It starts with having self-awareness and then being able to project this onto the way other children might be feeling.

Heather Shumaker, author of the brilliant 'It's OK not to share..." explains the problem with young children and remorse.
"Most children are not capable of being sorry yet. Children differ-you may have an early bloomer-but most children simply lack the emotional and cognitive development to feel remorse. Expecting young kids to say "Sorry" teaches them nothing more than a misguided lesson in sequence: kick, say "Sorry," move on."
Piaget focuses on this a lot in his understanding of the Preoperational stage (from 2-7), where he says many children are still egocentric and find it difficult to fully take the point of view of others.

So when fully fledged empathy is not yet complete in many pre-school children, why are we asking them to apologise? Instead, you need to start seeing these moments as excellent opportunities to develop their empathy, rather than a few more empty words.

‍

‍

What to do instead?

It looks like 'Say Sorry' isn't the answer. So what can practitioners do to use these situations to actually develop a child's empathy?

1. Recognise a different type of resolution

Just because children can't always understand the complexities behind an apology, doesn't mean they can't resolve the situation in a different way.

Many of you will have witnessed beautiful moments without a hint of a 'sorry'. Of children giving a helping hand to a friend they accidentally knocked over. Of them offering a toy or treat to someone they have upset. These moments show children starting to recognise feelings they have felt themselves or simply acting on instinct.

By barging in with a 'Say Sorry', you're stilting the opportunity for a more genuine resolution. Make sure that you're recognising all different types of resolution and not simply insisting on an apology.

2. Give them time

Time is also important here. It is often rushing in with this forced apology that prevents children from really taking a look at what's happened before they are made to feel like they've 'resolved' the matter.

Of course, this requires children to be present in the moment after the incident, which is why you need to...

3. Bring the children together

One way is to simply bring the children together. If they realise they've done something wrong, sometimes children simply want to remove themselves from the situation. They're not alone either - many adults take a similar approach.

But by telling them clearly what's happened and explaining that they need to stay, they have to take a clear look at exactly what happened.

‍

‍

4. Explain clearly what happened

Heather Shumaker also covers many ideas for how to better resolve these situations in her book.

Another key point she makes is the importance of explaining exactly what has happened. This is especially important for younger children, who in the most literal sense may not have even realised exactly what has happened.

"When you were playing with blocks, you knocked over Alice's tower too." "When you were jumping around you hit John in the face with your hand."

These comments shouldn't come with judgement, they are just there to help the child understand what they have done, even if this seems obvious to you.

5. Repair the damage

It's important for children to be involved in the actions to resolve the conflict too.

This isn't a 'consequence' or 'punishment', but simply encouraging them to take a step towards improving the situation. Modelling this behaviour can also help to show them how it's done, and you may find them taking the steps to resolve the situation by themselves in the future.

‍

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6. Describe the effect

Describing the effect of what's happened starts to bring the relationship of cause and effect into focus.

"When you hit Amelia, it scratched her face. That must hurt." This might look like a guilt trip, but that's not the point. It's another way of encouraging empathy and being clear about how what's happened might have caused the upset.

7. Don't focus on blame

As you might have noticed, this really isn't about punishment or blame. Understanding your role in a conflict is crucial to a meaningful apology, but it's not as simple as trying to dish out blame.

The kind of descriptive conversations we've been talking about so far are key to this, as it allows children to develop a constructive understanding of remorse, rather than one linked to shame.

8. Model by apologising in your own life

One of the greatest ways we can foster empathy is by apologising in the correct way ourselves.

You can model empathy straight away, by asking the hurt child if they are OK. But you can also take steps to apologise when you might have done something wrong.

Some good ways to model quality apologies include:

I'm sorry for... Explain specifically what it is that you did.

It was wrong because... Why what you did was wrong.

In the future, I will... Say what you will do, rather than what you won't do.

If you're interested in this idea of a better way to model apologies, this is an interesting piece.

‍

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9. Ask them to make a guarantee

For younger children, a guarantee is more meaningful than a forced apology. Ask "Will you do that again?" and encourage them to make a reassurance to the other child. This helps to reestablish trust between the children, which is crucial to repairing the relationship after the conflict.

10. Teach empathy

As we've already mentioned plenty of times, the advantage of these approaches over 'Say Sorry' is that you actually have the chance to teach full empathy to children in your setting.

Understanding the ages at which children are likely to feel empathy should be your starting point. At a very young age, all you can do is simply describe the feelings of others and why they might feel that way, as well as guiding their play towards empathy. For example, you might say about a toy they're playing with that "The baby is hungry! Are they going to get some food too?."

As the children grow you can start to ask more open-ended questions to give them the opportunity to think about others' feelings. Questions like "How can we help John feel better about his sore foot?" are a good start.

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'Say Sorry' Doesn't Help: 10 Better Ways to Do It | Famly

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'What do you say?' 'Use your manners.' 'Say sorry!' How many times have you caught yourself saying this? Or heard parents doing so? And how many times do you feel like it really helped the situation you were dealing with? Whether they are intentional or a complete accident, conflicts happen in any childcare setting.

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This document is to help consider what you might put into a biting policy to ensure that staff and families know what good practice and protocols are in place in the event of an incident, and to which parents can be guided to.

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This is a really good document that takes a setting through what they need to think about and consider when they have a child that is biting. It includes a checklist and lots of ideas to help.

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This sign reminds us that we need to look after ourselves and our staff.

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Many of our children suffer from glue ear and this can affect their learning. This booklet give some good strategies to help children in a busy setting and how we can remove barriers.

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Checkout Alistair's book list to support children understand relationships and regulate their emotions and behaviour. Go over to his blog at "ABC does", as he has more information to support behaviour.

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Top Eleven books to support children to understand relationships and regulate their emotions and behaviour.

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List of activities for supporting regulation

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List of activities for supporting regulation

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Alistair Bryce Clegg has 10 strategies you can try with an explanation for each one. Supporting with co-regulation will help our little ones know where to go and what to do when they feel uncomfortable or dysregulated.

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When children become dysregulated, they often struggle to process suggestions or instructions. In these moments, providing a toolkit of strategies that can learn to access independently (with some support if needed) is crucial. The following techniques can help children regain control and calm themselves effectively (it is important to remember that co-regulation is the first step to self-regulation, so many of our children will an adult to be close and provide prompts and support).
1. Starfish Breathing
Starfish breathing is a simple and effective way to help children focus on their breath and calm their nervous system.
Instructions:
- Have the child spread out one hand like a starfish.

- With the index finger of their other hand, trace around the fingers and thumb.

- As they trace up a finger, they should inhale deeply, and as they trace down, they should exhale slowly.

- Encourage them to visualise breathing in calmness and breathing out stress or worry.

- Repeat until they feel calmer and more focused.

Why it works: This technique combines deep breathing, which helps regulate the nervous system, with tactile input from tracing the hand, helping to anchor the child in the present moment.
2. Pushing Against a Wall
Pushing against a wall provides proprioceptive input, which can help ground children and reduce feelings of overwhelm.
Instructions:
- Have the child stand facing a wall with their hands flat against it.

- Encourage them to push as hard as they can against the wall for 5-10 seconds.

- As they push, suggest they imagine they are pushing away their worries or anger.

- Release the push and take a deep breath.

- Repeat this process several times to help them release built-up tension.

Why it works: The deep muscle work involved in pushing against a solid surface gives the child sensory feedback that can be very organising, helping them feel more centred and in control.
3. Rhythmic Movements
Rhythmic movements, such as rocking, swaying, or bouncing, can have a calming effect on the nervous system and help children feel more secure.
Instructions:
- Identify a rhythmic movement the child finds soothing (e.g., rocking back and forth, swaying side to side, or gently bouncing).

- Encourage the child to engage in this movement for a few minutes, focusing on the rhythm and the way it feels in their body.

- You can accompany this with a calming activity, like listening to soft music or holding a comforting object.

- Suggest visualising the movement as waves in the ocean, moving steadily and predictably.

Why it works: Rhythmic, repetitive movements are naturally soothing and can help reset the nervous system, particularly in children who are feeling overwhelmed.
4. Progressive Muscle Relaxation
Progressive muscle relaxation (PMR) involves tensing and then slowly releasing each muscle group in the body, helping to relieve physical tension.
Instructions:
- Start with the child's feet. Ask them to curl their toes tightly and hold for 5 seconds, then release.

- Move up the body, asking the child to tense each muscle group (legs, stomach, arms, shoulders) and then relax.

- Finish with the face: ask the child to scrunch up their face tightly and then slowly relax.

- As they release each muscle, encourage them to take a deep breath and exhale fully.

Why it works: PMR can help children become more aware of where they hold tension in their bodies and give them a tool to release it, leading to a calmer state.
5. Grounding Techniques
Grounding techniques are designed to help children focus on the present moment, reducing the power of overwhelming emotions.
Instructions:
- Ask the child to name five things they can see, four things they can feel, three things they can hear, two things they can smell, and one thing they can taste.

- Alternatively, you can guide the child to focus on the sensations of their feet on the floor or their back against a chair.

- Encourage them to take slow, deep breaths as they do this, bringing their attention to the here and now.

Why it works: Grounding techniques shift the focus away from distressing thoughts or emotions and onto the child's immediate surroundings, helping to break the cycle of dysregulation.
6. Visualisation
Visualisation helps children use their imagination to create a safe space or calming scenario in their mind, reducing stress and anxiety.
Instructions:
- Ask the child to close their eyes and imagine a place where they feel safe and happy. This could be a real place or an imagined one.

- Guide them through the process, asking them to notice the colours, sounds, smells, and sensations in this place.

- Encourage them to stay in this imagined place for a few minutes, taking deep breaths and relaxing.

Why it works: Visualisation can help children escape the immediate stressors of their environment and find a mental space where they feel in control and secure.
7. Have a drink or snack Instructions:

Offer the child a choice of a couple of snacks you know they like, either show them the options or use two pictures or a choice board.

Find a quiet part of the room and stay close as they have their chosen drink or snack.

Why it works: Chewy or crunchy snacks or drinking a drink (particularly through a straw) provides oral stimulation which some people find calming. Having a drink or food can also meet physical needs which young children might not identify without adult support.
8. Run and jump
(This might be too stimulating for some children, but for others big movements might help them to calm.)
Instructions:

Take the child to a big space.

Suggest they run or jump, or start doing this yourself and see if they copy.

As you notice them becoming calmer, suggest stopping and sitting for a while.

Why it works: Movement provides proprioceptive and vestibular stimulation as well as releasing endorphins which can help us feel good. When children are dysregulated big movements can provide sensory input that helps them to regulate.
9. Go outside Instructions:

Go outside, ideally to part of your setting that has grass or plants.

Find a space to stand or sit together (if appropriate you could do some starfish breathing or listen for things you can hear.

Why it works: Spending time in green spaces (and even simply seeing greenery outside your window) supports wellbeing. Moving from one place to another can be calming and outdoor spaces can feel quieter than a busy room.
10. Watch a calming toy Instructions:
- Have a selection of toys in a box or basket, including oil and water toys, bubble tubes and gentle lights.

- Encourage the child to pick one and watch it (you could take one out and hold it where you know they can see it).

Why it works: These toys provide visual stimulation and can distract children from something that they have found frustrating or upsetting both of which might help them to calm. You can, if necessary, talk to them about the cause of their frustration when they are regulated.
Conclusion
These strategies provide a valuable toolkit for helping children manage dysregulation. By practising these techniques regularly, children can become more familiar with them, making it easier for them to access these tools during times of distress. It's important to remember that each child is unique, and what works well for one child might not work as well for another. Consistency, patience, and positive reinforcement are key to helping children develop these self-regulation skills. It can also be useful to have visual prompts linked to all of the strategies suggested so that children can choose what they want to do when they begin to feel dysregulated. Until they become confident in making that choice, the adult can suggest or choose for them.

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Supporting Dysregulated Children: 10 Self-Regulation Strategies For Children

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10 ideas to try when helping children to regulate their emotions.

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Labels - Professor Rachel Holmes at ABC playlist

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Labels - Professor Rachel Holmes at ABC playlist

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"Rachel Holmes challenges us to reconsider how we shape children's identities and manage behaviour in early years education. Her research reveals how common practices can unintentionally cement negative reputations and limit children's potential."

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In this guest article from Professor Rachel Holmes, she challenges us to reconsider how we shape children's identities and manage behaviour in early years education. Her research reveals how common practices can unintentionally cement negative reputations and limit children's potential.
Identity is relational:
* Children's identities are formed through interactions with others, the environment, and institutional practices.
The problem with the labels that we give children (we all do it!):
* Labels can provide support but also limit our perception of children.

* "No child conforms exactly to any diagnostic category." - Mallett & Runswick-Cole
The negative effects of public behaviour management like stickers, charts and sad clouds!
* Visible systems like sticker charts can solidify reputations.

* These practices may strongly influence children's own negative self-perception and others' perceptions of them.
Questioning 'Normal'
* Schools and settings often operate with an unspoken concept of the 'normal' child.

* This can lead to seeing differences as problems to be fixed, rather than seeing difference as 'typical'.
Embracing Difference:
* We should see difference as an invitation, not a threat.

* "How can we make time to attune better to a child's interestingly divergent trajectories?" - Holmes

Through her work, Professor Holmes is urging practitioners to:

* Recognise the relational nature of identity

* Be cautious with labels

* Question assumptions about 'normal' development

* Reconsider public behaviour management strategies

* Celebrate and work with children's unique qualities

By addressing these issues, we can create more inclusive environments where all children can thrive, regardless of how they differ from perceived norms. Have a read and see if you agree.
By Professor Rachel Holmes
In my research , I've explored how children's identities are shaped when they start school, and how certain practices can cement reputations that become difficult to change. This work raises important questions about how we approach behaviour management and identity formation in early years settings.

Identity in school is not simply about individual characteristics but is deeply relational. Building on Foucault (1984, p. 47), I've argued, "Identity is about sets of relations inside which we all live. Relations not only with each other, but also with other bodies such as communities, places, contents and surroundings that constitute the materiality and matter of the world" (Holmes, 2022). Children's identities emerge through complex interactions with peers, teachers, physical spaces, and institutional practices.

Schools and settings often use labels and categories to identify and manage children's behaviour and needs. While these can provide explanations and access to support, we must recognise that "no child conforms exactly to any diagnostic category, so any relief a label offers is always and only temporary" (Mallett & Runswick-Cole, 2016, p. 115).

Moreover, labelling practices can inadvertently reinforce notions of 'normal' versus 'abnormal' development. As Anita Sanyal Tudela (2019, p. 97) notes, "students are constructed according to what has to be controlled in them or otherwise managed or changed in order for them to appear more like the ideal."

I want to draw attention to how public behaviour management strategies like behaviour charts and stickers can solidify children's reputations (MacLure , et al. 2012). When we use these approaches in our classrooms, we're cementing reputations for many of our children, possibly strongly influencing their view of themselves and of school . These visible systems of reward and punishment can shape not only how others perceive a child, but also how children come to view themselves.

Schools often operate with an unspoken concept of the 'normal' child against which others are measured. As I've observed, "The term 'normal' is rarely uttered, yet finds itself embedded in every aspect of school life" (Holmes, 2022). This focus on 'normalcy' can lead to children who don't fit the mould being seen as problems to be fixed, rather than individuals with unique strengths and needs.

I urge early years practitioners to reconsider how we view and respond to children's differences. We need to recognise the relational nature of identity, be cautious with labels, question our assumptions about 'normal' development, reconsider public behaviour management strategies, and embrace difference.

As Valerie Walkerdine (1999) argues, "students are constructed according to what has to be controlled in them or otherwise managed or changed in order for them to appear more like the ideal" (p. 2). This construction of the 'ideal' student can have profound effects on children who don't fit this mould.

We must ask ourselves: "How can we make time to attune better to a child's interestingly divergent trajectories? If minor identities reject the idea of being fixed, stable and individualised, how can we reflect on the structuring forces in school?" (Holmes, 2022).

By grappling with these questions, early years practitioners can create more inclusive environments that allow all children to thrive, regardless of how they might differ from perceived norms. Taking inspiration from the poet Pádraig Ó Tuama, I conclude in my work that we should be "interested in ways in which difference and un-sameness can be seen like an invitation, rather than a threat" (Holmes, 2022).

Rachel Holmes began her teaching career in 1990 in an inner-city school in Manchester and has since worked across primary, Further, and Higher Education. Her research is rooted in the challenges faced by children and young people in educational settings.

Rachel has held several notable roles, including membership in the AHRC Peer Review College since 2020 and Co-Director of the Education, Childhood and Youth pathway in the White Rose Doctoral ESRC Training Partnership (2018-2023). Her research focuses on socially marginalised children and young people, combining art practice with qualitative research. Key projects include "Becoming a Problem" and "Things of the Least."

Rachel is committed to interdisciplinary research that fosters innovation and inclusivity in education.

Holmes, R. (2022). A struggle without an end: working with minor identities in school. [ RH_Keynote_for_Catalyst_Website_5451_-compressed.pdf (nationbuilder.com)].

MacLure, M., Jones, L., Holmes, R. and MacRae, C. (2012) 'Becoming a problem: behaviour and reputation in the early years classroom', British Educational Research Journal, 38(3): 447 - 471.

Mallett, R. and Runswick-Cole, K. (2016). The urge to know "normal": Theorising how impairment labels function. In R. Mallett, C.A. Ogden and J. Slater. (Eds.), Theorising Normalcy and the mundane: precarious positions. University of Chester Press.

Sanyal Tudela, A. (2019). Normalcy and Deviance: The Production of Schools and Their Subjects. In C. Matus (Ed.), Ethnography and Education Policy. Education Policy & Social Inequality, vol 3. p. 93 - 109.

Walkerdine, V. (1999). Violent Boys and Precocious Girls: regulating childhood at the end of the millennium. Contemporary Issues in Early Childhood, 1(1), 3-23.

Odd: feeling different in the world of education (AHRC, 2018 - 2021)

Becoming a Problem: How Children Acquire a Reputation as 'Naughty' in the Earliest Years at School (ESRC, 2006-8)

Addressing 'problem behaviour' in the early years: an innovative film resource (ESRC, 2010)

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Guest Post: What is a 'Normal' Child?: The Unseen Impact of Labelling Children in our Settings.

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Arguing is not necessarily 'bad' however, when it is ongoing, intense and nothing changes it can affect everyone including children. This website page gives links to JON and further support parents can get to help with parental conflict including free courses that provide help.

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Norfolk Schools and Learning Providers - Norfolk County Council

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When parents argue regularly it can have a very negative effect on their children. There is information and support for Parents/carers and young people affected by Parental Conflict/Parents Arguing available on Just One Norfolk and FYI via the links below.

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Parental Conflict Information and Support - Norfolk Schools and Learning Providers - Norfolk County Council

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Information and support for Parents/carers and young people affected by Parental Conflict/Parents Arguing is now available on Just One Norfolk and FYI via the links below.

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This is the Parent Talk link from Action for Children. The home page says "We’re here for you, when you need us. Find answers to parenting questions in our advice articles. Or talk to a parenting coach about anything that’s worrying you. It’s all free, and no topic is too big, small, or embarrassing."

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Support for Parents from Action For Children

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Down-to-earth parenting advice you can trust.

We're here for you, when you need us. Find answers to parenting questions in our advice articles. Or talk to a parenting coach about anything that's worrying you. It's all free, and no topic is too big, small, or embarrassing.

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Parent Talk - down-to-earth parenting advice you can trust

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We're on hand to support parents, when they need us. Find answers to your questions in our advice articles, or speak to one of our parenting coaches.

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Anxiety and how it is affecting children is in the news a lot. Mental health for children is a real issue and one that is so vital, particularly in the early years. This little toolkit has some nice ideas that you can use and share with parents about reducing and dealing with stress and anxiety in little ones. Although it says it is for children with developmental difficulty, some of these ideas will be helpful for all children.

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This is a little study that is showing how children's self-regulation skills are better in child initiated tasks and that children who started the school year with better executive functioning skills showed both higher levels of self-regulation and more stable self-regulation across situations. Supporting children with their 'executive functioning' skills helps children with strategies to learning and regulate.

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PEDAL - The Centre for Research on Play in Education, Development & Learning

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Self-regulation is crucial for children's learning and development. It enables children to pay attention, make plans and keep their emotions in a balanced state. While self-regulation is generally assumed to be a stable skill within a child, recent work suggests that children's self-regulation can vary across situations.

A typical school day encompasses a wide range of activities including teacher and child-led learning and interacting with other children. Previous studies have explored how executive functions can vary between children, but we wanted to explore how an individual child's self-regulation might vary between different activities.

So we... observed how children's self-regulation varied within a naturalistic classroom setting

Our study involved 148 four and five year olds in 28 classrooms across 14 schools in England. At the start and the end of the school year we asked each child to complete five executive function tasks to assess working memory, inhibition, shifting and verbal and non-verbal generativity.

We measured children's self-regulation by coding videos of each child during a teacher-led activity and a child-led activity. We used a measure called the Regulation-Related Skills Measure to rate the children's self-regulation, such as "child pays attention to the activity at hand".

We compared children's self-regulation in child-led activities and teacher-led activities, and also analysed whether children's executive functions were associated with their self-regulation in different activities.

We learned that... children with higher executive function have more stable self-regulation across different activities

Most children successfully self-regulated in the classroom - they obtained high scores in the classroom observations.

Children's self-regulation varied by classroom situation. Children showed higher levels of self-regulation in child-led than in teacher-led classroom activities.

Our study shows that executive functions support children's early learning: Children with higher executive functions at the start of the school year showed both higher levels of self-regulation and more stable self-regulation across situations.

Our findings suggest that children with lower levels of executive functions may need additional support to remain self-regulated across contexts. These children may need additional support to apply their self-regulation successfully and are likely to benefit from child-led activities.

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Staying self-regulated in the classroom: The role of children's executive functions and situational factors - PEDAL

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We wanted to explore how an individual child's self-regulation might vary between different activities.

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WHICH CHILDREN ARE MOST LIKELY TO BE EXCLUDED FROM SCHOOL? 

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WHICH CHILDREN ARE MOST LIKELY TO BE EXCLUDED FROM SCHOOL? 

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Looking at this list we need to think why this might be and who could be put in place to change this situation.

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This illustrates the work of Stuart Shanker and his theory around 5 domains of stress. It is these stressors that stop children developing and learning, and lead to behaviour adults can find challenging. Being curious, finding those stressors, understanding what the need is and supporting them learn means we are reframing behaviour in a way that helps both adults and children build relationships

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This video goes through what emotional coaching is and how to use it. It stops at points for the listener to think about behaviours and and possible underlying issues behind them. It acts as a good reminder/refresher for CPD

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This article from Suzanne Zeedyk talks about some of the issues we are facing in society and the needs to look after the wellbeing of adults so they are emotionally able to look after the needs of children.

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Our society, she believes, has got its priorities so wrong we're now actively "harming" our children. We talk more about the state of our roads, than child poverty. Politicians are "overseeing cruelty and neglect to children" with their policy choices.

It's a powerful indictment of the state of childhood in modern Scotland, from the country's highest-profile child psychologist. Her intervention couldn't be more timely. Today is National Children's Day, established to campaign for a happy, healthy and safe childhood and the protection of children's rights.

Zeedyk was a respected research scientist at Dundee University for nearly 20 years, specialising in child development, before leaving academia. In 2011, she began speaking tours across Scotland, campaigning for a society which puts children at its heart. She advises the public sector and private industry on putting 'children first', and writes extensively on child psychology.

The reasoning behind her long-running work is simple: if we fail children, we store up hell for ourselves. Damaged children become adults at risk of early death, prison, and addiction. Failing to make childhood as safe and happy as possible sets up a cycle where damaged parents hand on problems to their children.

"I'm worried for our children," Zeedyk says. At the root of her concern is what psychologists term 'Adverse Childhood Experiences' - or 'ACEs' - issues like physical, emotional or sexual abuse; neglect; parental mental illness; domestic violence; parents in prison; and addiction at home.

These experiences can ruin children's lives, setting a path towards an adulthood of drink, drugs, bad relationships, ill-health, crime, prison, and early death.

Here's some startling facts from Zeedyk: two-thirds of Scottish children suffer at least one ACE by age eight. One-in-ten experience three or more ACEs.

TRAUMA

Zeedyk says we need to realise there's a biological aspect to ACEs. These experiences must be seen as "trauma", she explains. Trauma doesn't just leave psychological scars. ACEs devastate children in terms of the stress they experience, and have direct effects on the brain, including the amygdala, which regulates decision-making, fear, anxiety and aggression.

Children who experience ACEs are more likely as adults to take risks sexually, smoke, drink too much, and become overweight. It increases risk of heart disease, cancer, diabetes and stroke. There's increased risk of ADHD, anxiety, depression, and suicide.

Now, take all these stressors on children and throw Covid into the mix, as Zeedyk explains, and you can see why she's worried. Should we be surprised at what tabloids now call 'an epidemic of youth violence' in schools and on the street?

On top of all this, Zeedyk notes, the adults tasked with protecting children - many parents, teachers, police officers, and social workers - "are overwhelmed themselves, they're struggling, they often don't feel valued.

"Struggling adults cannot meet children's needs. Adults are tired, disconnected - not emotionally in-tune with themselves. Poverty has increased, worry has increased. Many people haven't recovered from pandemic. Adults are stressed."

And given that many of today's adults experienced ACEs themselves when they were children - at a time when such trauma went unacknowledged - we face real problems as a society.

Many of us "need to fix ourselves", Zeedyk says, before we're capable of being of use to children. "Adults have a responsibility to figure out how to take care of their own emotions, so they don't take them out on other people, especially children."

Zeedyk dislikes how the conversation around school violence is framed. "The choice of that word 'violence' scares adults, when they should actually be curious about what's going on for children. That word makes us turn on our children - think they're the problem.

"I don't mean that violence is okay - it's not. I'm saying we need to get curious about what's driving that behaviour."

Zeedyk's mantra for adults is 'fierce curiosity' - that we should always be asking 'why' children behave as they do, because often we, the adults, are the cause of what's gone wrong.

EMPATHY

Curiosity, Zeedyk says, essentially means "empathy". When it comes to children, "Scotland could do much better on the compassion in our culture".

The biology of ACEs "underpins behaviour", she says. "And emotionally-aware relationships change behaviour for the better." In other words, if we listen to and understand the fears and anxieties of our children we'll go a long way to creating a better society.

Zeedyk uses the example of a child who's often late for school. Do we focus on punishing the child, or ask "what's causing that child to be late? Maybe they've a parent drunk every morning, maybe they're caring for their younger siblings. We need to think about the context of children's lives and their struggles".

Children experiencing poverty - with worried, depressed parents - or children who witness or suffer domestic violence are flooded with stress hormones like cortisol. "If your body has lots of cortisol in it, you're more likely to hit someone," Zeedyk says.

Traumatised children become traumatised adults. "All that costs us as a society in the long-run." Zeedyk refers to Philip Larkin's famous poem 'This Be The Verse' which begins: 'They f**k you up, your mum and dad/They may not mean to, but they do.'

Teachers are "being asked to do a job that isn't really doable", Zeedyk believes. There's dire lack of 'additional support needs' staff and child psychologists within schools. "Teachers have too many children to deal with, and a higher number struggling with behavioural and developmental problems.

"Teachers don't feel like government values them. How can they help children with their difficulties when they're so overwhelmed?"

Zeedyk says we need to abandon "the language of misbehaviour. It's very seductive for adults. Once we say a child is misbehaving, we've given ourselves permission to stop being curious because they're 'bad'. We think we need to control them, but controlling children doesn't address what's going on."

In other words, how will punishing a child who has experienced trauma and is acting out deal with the trauma that caused the problem in the first place? Zeedyk stresses this doesn't mean children "don't need boundaries". Quite the reverse. Firm consistent boundaries, set with love and empathy, are the best way to improve behaviour.

Zeedyk is confident society will soon start to reorientate how childhood is viewed, and put the necessary emphasis on trauma and its effects on behaviour. "It wasn't that long ago we thought you should hit children," she says.

PUNISHMENT

Evidently, we must consider the negative effects of corporal punishment - both at home and school - on the parents of today who experienced violence as children themselves. The prohibition on physical punishment in school, and the 'smacking ban' preventing parents hitting children, is a cause of "celebration", says Zeedyk. "In that regard, things have got better."

However, she adds: "But if we're not emotionally in-tune as a society, that creates consequences for our children. In Scotland, we don't have a system that meets the needs of many adults. That means they can't be there for children.

"We have really high levels of Adverse Childhood Experiences in Scotland. We need to take seriously what these experiences of fear do to children's biology and then how that cycles through the generations."

In purely economic terms, this "cycle of intergenerational trauma" simply leads to public money being "wasted" in picking up the pieces when damaged children reach adulthood. Instead, we should invest wisely in making life better for children, a policy which would lead in the long-term to less pressure on the NHS, police, social work and prisons. There's nothing cost-effective about how we treat modern childhood, Zeedyk believes.

Most important of all is that children must feel "connected - that people are interested in them emotionally. That makes them feel safe, and they thrive. But when you live in a society where people are too tired, poor and overwhelmed for adults to pay attention to children's needs that sets up a feedback loop.

"Whenever parents living in poverty can pay attention to their children's needs, it decreases the impact of poverty. Whenever parents living in violent communities can pay attention to their children's needs, it decreases the impact of violence in the community."

Zeedyk acknowledges how "hard" that is for overwhelmed parents, which is why she wants politicians to put children first when it comes to policy. She refers again to her theme of a lack of 'curiosity' - this time on behalf of government when it comes to how political decision-making affects the lives of children.

Zeedyk issues a challenge to Scotland's adults: "I want to encourage us to ask ourselves if we like or just tolerate our children." She notes that some experts on ACEs have said that Scotland "hasn't faced up to the emotional cruelty that's traditionally existed in society.

"It is because of Presbyterianism? Catholicism? High levels of poverty? High levels of drinking? Patriarchy? Does that make us cold? Impatient? Neglectful? These are good questions. What's been important to us about children is: 'how convenient are they?' We don't contextualise their lives, we just want them to obey. We've not been a very emotionally-curious culture."

Adults need to stop believing they "own children. Children have a right to express their needs. You can't believe that and think you own your children. Children have needs that might be different to yours, and therefore parents and children must have conversations, and find out about each other. It's a different approach to the more hierarchal one we've traditionally operated with in Scotland.

"Again, that doesn't mean no boundaries. Some people think if you talk about emotions, then chaos reigns. That's a good defence against getting curious about what science tells us about the importance of relationships where you feel emotionally heard and therefore safe."

POLARISATION

Political polarisation and culture wars are taking their toll on children. "When adults are angry, impatient and frustrated, children won't feel safe. If you're born into a society that's agitated all the time, it feels dangerous. It heightens stress. Social media is making that worse."

Society obsesses on children's use of mobile phones, without considering how adult use impacts the young. Babies are aware of parents who are distracted by their phones. "It heightens a baby's stress system. Whenever I hear about behaviour problems in schools, I think: these are the children whose parents had mobile phones whilst they were feeding them."

Zeedyk says she doesn't want to "shame" anyone, rather "we just need to face what the science says about the fundamental nature of relationships". Shame, she feels, turns people away from considering her message.

"Adults live in denial as it protects us from having to think about the consequence of what we do - that we might be doing damage." She turns her attention of the Scottish government.

When it comes to child poverty, Zeedyk says: "If politicians say 'we can't afford this or that policy', and live in denial of the consequences, or cannot think about the impact on children, then what they're doing is overseeing cruelty and neglect. I want us to acknowledge that."

She added: "Clearly, nobody is saying they're being cruel or neglectful intentionally, rather it's the inadvertent result of their policy decisions."

Zeedyk says she'd like politicians and policy-makers to say "we're going to cut this budget and it's a cruel decision because we know children will suffer but we don't know what else to do. At least that would be honest.

"But politicians protect themselves by not finishing the sentence. What they say is, 'we cannot make this budget stretch'. They don't add 'therefore children will suffer'. I want them to finish the sentence.

"Every time I drive over a pothole, I hope that means we took the budget for fixing potholes and put it into feeding children. There's lots of bike paths going up everywhere. I'm a keen cyclist. But I'm not sure all those bike paths are the best use of money. Are children going hungry because I've a better bike path? I don't want that, I want children fed.

"Here's the politician I'd vote for - the one who says we've cut the roads budget by 75% and you're all going to have potholes because we're feeding children. And then when that politician gets a hard time, they have the confidence - with all the information about trauma and ACEs - of saying 'as a culture we need to have a discussion about why potholes are more important to us than hungry children'.

"We need a mind-shift that acknowledges the impact that we have on children, and where we all take responsibility for that."

Zeedyk says her criticism applies even more strongly to the Conservative government. "Child poverty is a political choice," she says. She feels the "escalation of poverty over the past 14 years to be intentional neglect of children's needs". Removing the Sure Start programme, for example, wasn't "just callous but dumb" as its "investment in early childhood" saved millions in public spending.

THERAPY

The same thinking applies to adults in prison. They get little therapy, yet we expect them to emerge rehabilitated. Likewise, mental health budgets fall, despite the mental health crisis. Teacher support dwindles as behaviour declines. We don't act like a "trauma-informed society".

One simple step would be a child psychologist in every school - focused not on behaviour but "creating an emotionally-attuned culture ... listening to children, helping them reflect on their lives and cope with stress".

At the heart of Zeedyk's thinking is the need for Scotland "to learn to talk about emotions. There are many, many children who live in households where emotional language is never used". She despairs at the concept of 'empathy' and 'kindness' being mocked today.

"Denial makes many people feel better. When you mock or humiliate, it's a great form of denial. Being empathetic requires some vulnerability, the ability to tune into another's pain. It might require you to look at how you helped cause that pain and reevaluate the impact you're having on others - like your children."

She celebrates groups like Dads Rock which campaigns for greater "emotional literacy" among Scottish men. "True maturity is emotional maturity," Zeedyk adds. "So when you get angry, you don't punch someone; when you're frustrated, you don't start shouting; when you're down, you don't reach for alcohol. But we live in a society that hasn't traditionally been emotionally mature.

"As a nation we're defined by emotional dysregulation - by emotionally out-of-control adults, emotionally neglectful adults. It's not that they set out to be bad. Our culture told us it was okay to be like this."

Scotland, she adds, is also "doused in shame. If you don't get attention from your parents, you end up carrying big doses of shame. Maybe Presbyterianism gave us that, maybe Catholicism."

Neglect knows no class boundary. Middle-class families also suffer from substance abuse, mental health problems, and domestic violence. Zeedyk is particularly concerned about wealthy families sending children to boarding school early. That "f**ks up" children, she says.

The "big philosophical question" raised by how we treat children, says Zeedyk, is this: "What kind of society do we want? I don't want us to live in denial of the cruelty we can do."

STARK

Despite the starkness of her message, there's a real appetite for Zeedyk's approach to childhood in Scotland. She promoted the acclaimed documentary Resilience, about child trauma, around the nation from 2017 onwards. It repeatedly sold out. Around 30,000 people saw it in the first year alone. More than 150,000 people have attended her talks.

The consequences of Covid haven't been reckoned with in any significant way, she feels. Pregnant woman were isolated and gave birth while anxious. Parents were isolated and fearful, with their anxiety affecting their children.

Children were locked-down at crucial stages in their lives. Children in nursery suffered intense feelings of loss when they were taken away from the first friends they'd ever made. Primary Seven children weren't able to properly transition to high school. Many children and parents were left "carrying grief" as they were unable to attend funerals for loved ones.

Reports of long-term non-attendance at school are linked to children struggling with social anxiety and feeling disconnected from others post-pandemic. "Not all children carry lasting consequences," Zeedyk says. "Some families baked cakes, and planted gardens, but other children were in flats where overwhelmed parents were hitting each other. They learned that the world is a scary place."

Trends like declining school attendance and spikes in youth violence "are a response" to the world children find themselves in today.

The "unresolved trauma" of Covid will "filter down through the generations" unless society collectively comes together in acts of remembrance which help process mass grief healthily. Zeedyk notes how the cenotaphs erected after the First World War helped the nation grieve and recover.

She "resists" using words like 'good parents', but says if we want to be "emotionally responsive as parents" we must talk meaningfully to our children about their emotions - "how they feel instead of simply how they're behaving".

Zeedyk believes we should have proper state kindergartens in Scotland centred around play, with no child going into Primary One until age six when they become "ready for formal schooling. If we ask children to do things before they're developmentally ready, we make them more emotionally immature".

The notion of early years staff earning minimum wage should be anathema to any nation which cares about children, she believes.

"In a baby's first year, before they can walk or talk, they learn whether adults are trustworthy and whether the world is scary. Roughly half the babies in our society learn that adults aren't emotionally trustworthy - they don't come and help. That leads to ways of coping with challenges that aren't emotionally mature because they're too threatened."

If we recognise how children develop, "we can hold ourselves to account and make different and better decisions". That goes for everyone - from parents to politicians, Zeedyk says.

She gives one final example, citing parents angry about their child's phone use. What would an emotionally mature parent do? "To safeguard your baby, find a way to be brave enough to put down your phone, and understand the impact you have on your own child."

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Leading child psychologist warns 'Scot Gov oversees cruelty' through its policies

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You don't have to be a therapist to be therapeutic - Karen Triesman

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You don't have to be a therapist to be therapeutic - Karen Triesman

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This is a really useful, reflective and informative tool that can help us to consider the personal social and emotional we can give to different age groups. This could be used as a whole setting CPD resource.

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PSED handbook for early years practitioners

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Children's interval voice comes from us as adults. With an approach like P.A.C.E and unconditional positive regard we are able to support self-esteem, self-confidence, and help children see themselves as valued, successful and valuable.

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The power of a trusting relationship cannot be understated. These relationships can provide a 'buffer' to other adverse experiences and as extra person that child feels they can trust to support them in exploring their world.

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This infographic explains why we use visuals and the difference they can make. Humans work better with visuals than other forms of communication like text or speech. It is also worth remembering that visuals support processing and thinking time. So, even if a child can say or understand a word, a visual can still be used to support their communication when they might find it difficult.

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This document give some information around Pica as well as further signposting

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Support a child's 'executive functioning' skills helps them to understand what is happening, how to do tasks, how to prioritise and follow instructions. This provides independence and helps coping skills which in turn support behaviour. This article from the ANC gives some ideas about how we might help children, particularly with SEND, with navigating their environment.

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The ability to organise and prioritise helps us to plan daily activities and manage our time effectively. However, some autistic people may find organising and prioritising difficult. Here, we explain why this can be the case, and list some ways to help.
An autistic person may have difficulties with:

processing information

predicting the consequences of an action (if I do this, what will happen next?)

understanding the concept of time

'executive function' (coping with daily tasks like tidying up or cooking).

One or all of these can affect a person's ability to organise, prioritise and sequence. For example, if you struggle to understand the concept of time, how do you plan what you will do over the course of a week?

Strategies to help

Here are some ways in which people on the autism spectrum can organise and prioritise daily activities and tasks. At first, other people may need to have a lot of involvement introducing the strategies. You may use the strategies in more than one place, for example at home and at school, so it is important that everyone who is using them - be it family members, employers, teachers or friends - uses them consistently.

Over time, some autistic people will be able to use the strategies independently. Others may always need support.

Visual supports

Pictures, written lists, calendars and real objects can all be good ways of helping autistic people to understand what is going to happen and when. For example, a person might have a daily timetable with pictures of a shower, clothes, breakfast, their school, dinner, a toothbrush, pyjamas, and a bed to indicate what they will be doing, and in what order, that day. Find out more about visual supports.

Colour coding

Colours can be used to indicate the importance or significance of tasks (and therefore help to prioritise tasks and work through them in a logical sequence).

For example, work in a red tray or file could be urgent, work in a green tray or file could be pending, while work in a blue tray or file is not important or has no timescale attached to it.

Colours can also help people to distinguish between paperwork, for example different household bills.

Voice recording

Recorded messages, on a dictaphone or smartphone, can be a useful auditory reminder of tasks, work, events or deadlines.

Lists

Lists can remind us of the tasks we need to do, and to help us prioritise. Lists can also be a good way of registering achievements (by crossing something off when you've done it), and of reassuring yourself that you're getting things done. Lists can be visual, written, or in the form of a task list app.

Alarms and alerts

Computer calendars can have important dates stored on them, or reminders about when to pay bills. Instructions can be sent to the person's mobile phone by text - text messages lend themselves to this especially well as you are forced to keep instructions brief and simple. A text message is also an unobtrusive and discreet way of contacting or supporting an autistic person.

Task boxes, envelopes and files

Store work or belongings in set places, so they aren't misplaced or forgotten.

Times of day, days of the week

You can use times of day (morning, afternoon or evening) or days of the week to help plan and organise tasks, social activities and other events. For example, Saturday is shopping day, Wednesday is bills day, Thursday night is homework night.

Social stories™ and comic strip conversations

Social stories™ and comic strip conversations can be a good way of illustrating the consequences of an action. They can help people to understand why it's good to be organised, and what might happen if we don't meet deadlines or attend an activity at a particular time. Find out more about Social stories™ and comic strip conversations.

Teaching materials: time and sequence

You may find that teaching materials such as sequence cards, games, timers and clocks help some autistic people to understand the concept of time and sequences. Materials like this can be used at home and at work.

Budgets

We all need to learn how to manage our money, to budget, control spending and pay bills. Many autistic adults will manage their own money or bills, to varying extents, while children may have pocket money. It can help to set out very specific guidelines about managing money and the consequences of spending. Try our free managing money online module.

At school

Homework, assignments and deadlines can cause great anxiety for some people. Others will not register their significance. The following strategies can help:

clear monitoring

regular meetings with teaching staff

colour coding of files.

Some people may need help in understanding the end goal of what to them may seem continuous work and deadlines.

Processing of instructions can be difficult, so it may be useful to use communication books, online learning environments, and voice recordings to reduce the pressure on the student of trying to remember what they are supposed to be doing.

At work

Strategies to use in the work environment include:

using files and colour to identify and clarify the importance and deadlines for particular pieces of work.

making a clear to do list at the beginning of the day - you can then cover up or mark off work which has been completed

arranging regular meetings with your line manager to ensure work is understood and is progressing

using the computer programs available to help organise work - for example colour coding emails relating to importance of response

using the calendar as a reminder for meetings or deadlines.

Further information

Read about the Brain in Hand digital self-management support system.

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Organising and prioritising - a guide for all audiences

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Autistic people can find organising, planning and prioritising difficult but there are many tools to help.

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This site explains more about the difference between guilt and shame and how it is linked with attunement and attachment. It also looks at the 'SHIELD of SHAME' that you may find interesting as it includes a lot of the behaviours children use like making excuses, acting tough, or becoming enraged.

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Trauma and Shame | Out of Home Care Toolbox

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Trauma and ShameShame is a part of healthy human development however the experience of it within the context of trauma and abuse is very different. The sense of shame that develops from experiences of complex trauma quickly becomes core to a young person’s identity. Consequently, the only way we c…

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This little piece was written by Naomi Fisher on X. It makes a really good point about how children can see praise as control. I have certainly experienced this and it should make us think about how and for what praise is given if we want it to be genuinely supportive of the child and their interests.

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This is a great little booklet which has lots of information echoing the content of the training and also with some great links and signposting too.

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This infographic reminds us how our language and the way we use it can affect people's self-worth and self esteem. It allows us to 'flip the narrative'.

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It’s easy to make quick decisions, but the intentionality of reflective practice requires more time, energy and resources. We can foster responsivity versus reactivity.

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Reflective practice is a tool that invites us to pause and slow down to become aware of thoughts, feelings and reactions that arise in everyday interactions.

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This short booklet is something you can print off for parents and staff and which explains about both emotional and cognitive regulation and how play support this for children. In the training we talk about the work of David Whitebread in this area so this booklet support those ideas and offers some examples of play that may help children

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This article explains why, in some circumstances child may respond in an inappropriate way to a situation where someone may have been hurt or when you are trying to talk to them about their behaviour - and it can certainly dysregulate us! However this is the time to get 'curious not furious' because this response may mean the child is overwhelmed, feeling shame, not knowing how to respond to situations, wanting connection or it could be a learned behaviour. Children laughing may feel personal and may even shock us which is why a pause for reflection is needed and perhaps some hot chocolate breathing!

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Key points

Avoiding uncomfortable situations such as being corrected by laughing, avoiding eye contact or running away is a normal knee-jerk reaction.

Laughing or being avoidant does not mean a child lacks empathy. Conversely, they are flooded with emotion that is overwhelming.

Shaming only increases avoidance. Addressing "misbehavior" matter-of-factly is what helps kids learn to take responsibility for their actions.

This morning I very calmly and gently explained to Martin that when he places a cup down on our glass coffee table, he needs to be gentle. His response: "It's not fragile! DON'T EVER SAY THAT TO ME AGAIN! Do you understand? DO YOU UNDERSTAND?" This reaction is not atypical-he explodes like this on a regular basis, whenever we need to correct him or set a limit, or when he can't do something perfectly right away. When we try to reason with him, he shuts down. He'll often just cover his ears or run away. We are at a loss as to why he is so hyper-sensitive and how we are supposed to set limits with him. When we admonish Malaika not to grab toys from the baby, or not to knock her friends' block towers down, she laughs and runs away. It's like she doesn't care that she's doing something wrong or hurtful. We're worried she has no empathy-that she can't put herself in other people's shoes.

Children laughing, refusing to make eye contact, running away, covering their ears and engaging in other evasive behaviors when you are trying to talk to them about their behavior is a phenomenon that is understandably confusing and disturbing. If you are like many parents I work with, you may be both mortified and worried, wondering how you could be raising a child who does not appear to feel bad about hurting others, or worse, who gains pleasure from it.

Herein lies one of the most challenging aspects of childrearing: We adults tend to interpret children's behavior through the lens of logic. A child laughing or acting as if he doesn't care when he has done or said something hurtful means he has no empathy (and may be a budding sociopath, some parents worry). But we can't ascribe adult logic to children's behavior. While their actions may seem irrational and disturbing at face value, when you look at it from the child's perspective, their behavior often makes sense.

These evasive responses don't mean that your child lacks empathy or feelings. Many children, especially those who are highly sensitive (HS) by nature, experience corrections or even directions as personal indictments, not as objective rules you are setting. This triggers them to feel shame. Laughing, turning or running away, and covering their ears are all coping mechanisms, albeit socially unacceptable ones, that provide protection and relief from a flood of difficult emotions. They may fall apart or lash out when being given a seemingly benign suggestion, such as guidance about how to hold scissors correctly or how to balance on a scooter-to stop you from saying things that make them uncomfortable.

Facing your anger or disappointment about their behavior can be very overwhelming for HS children. Cognitively, they know they have done something unacceptable but they don't have the skills yet to stop themselves from acting on their impulses. They engage in all sorts of evasion to distract from the stress and discomfort of these encounters. They are just trying to cope with feelings they are having a hard time understanding and managing.

Because this behavior is so triggering, you may be prone to react harshly and punitively in these moments-blurting out shaming responses along the lines of, "What is wrong with you? Do you think hurting your friends is funny?" The problem is that these kinds of reactions amplify your child's feelings of shame and sends her further spiraling out of control. When children's brains are flooded with emotion, they can't think clearly, so no amount of correcting can be effective in that moment.

Instead, consider the following strategies that are not just sensitive but often much more effective in helping HS children ultimately reflect on and learn to take responsibility for their actions.

What to Do When Children Avoid Direction:

If your child laughs, sticks out his tongue or covers his ears, ignore it. Telling him to stop or asking him why he is doing this only reinforces these responses. Plus, kids don't know why they are reacting in this way. If your child is turning away, don't try to force him to make eye contact. You can't actually make him look you in the eye, so this can turn into a power struggle and divert attention away from the incident at hand. Hold him securely and lovingly and say something along these lines: "I know, you don't like when mommy/daddy needs to help you think about your behavior."

Discuss the incident when your child is calm. Our natural impulse as adults is to use logic to teach our kids a lesson in these maddening moments. But when children are overwhelmed emotionally, they don't have access to the part of the brain that enables them to think and reason. Wait until your child has calmed down to engage in any reflecting and teaching.

Retell the story: "Mommy asked you to be gentle when you put your cup down on the glass table because it is fragile and can break. I meant this to be helpful - just like when your teachers give you a direction at school - but you got very upset." Pause to allow your child to respond. You might ask if he thought you were angry or were criticizing him. Explain that sometimes people hear things in a way that the other person doesn't mean.

Or, "You were mad that Maisie wouldn't give you the magna tile you wanted. You were frustrated and knocked her structure down. You lost control. It feels hard to think and talk about it. I understand that feeling." Recounting the incident matter-of-factly without judgment or shaming reduces defensiveness, making it more likely your child will feel safe to look at his feelings and reactions-the critical first step to his ultimately being able to take responsibility for his behavior and make positive changes.

What about making kids say "sorry"? I am not a fan of trying to force kids to do this for several reasons: 1) It falls into the category of things you cannot actually make your child do, so it can lead to a protracted power struggle when your child resists saying a mea culpa; 2) Children often comply with the adult's direction to say "sorry" but it is devoid of meaning.

Instead, once the incident is over, talk with your child about how his actions affect others-without shaming or judgment-to limit the chance he will shut down. Explain that being unkind with his words or actions is not just hurtful to the other child, it's not good for him because it makes others have negative or uncomfortable feelings about him. That's why you are going to help him find other ways to express his feelings. (When we just focus on the aggrieved child it can lead to more defensiveness and shutting down.) Then give him choices: he can say "sorry," he can take action to make it better-for example by helping to rebuild the tower that he knocked down, he can offer a comforting gesture, or he can dictate a note or draw a picture to give to the child. Choices reduce defiance.

Approaching these incidents calmly and dispassionately, without shaming and indicting the child, makes it less likely that she will rely on avoidance and evasion and more likely that she will learn to express her emotions in acceptable ways. After all, that is the ultimate goal.

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This is a very short but very pointed video with Brene Brown who has been doing years of work on vulnerability. Vulnerability is not a weakness and nothing to be ashamed about. She talks about the importance of making connection, taking the chance and how empathy is the antidote to shame. Shame can only survive if it has secrecy, silence and judgement. By showing empathy and having connection we are showing children that having emotions, feelings and talking about them is OK.

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shame and guilt video brene brown - Search Videos

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Play is paramount to self-regulation. It also support mental and physical health. It can create safe spaces and and environment where children feel safe and so create social bonding and learning.

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This little video is all about how our autonomic nervous system can get stuck in a mode that keeps us in a high state of alert and stops us from trusting and being safe. Our responses and reactions are learned and automatic to keep us safe. If we find that children's reaction to us is not what we might expect, we need to become curious and ensure that we support the child to feel safe.

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Trauma and the Nervous System: A Polyvagal Perspective

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Louise explores how to facilitate quality moments of relationship with children and young people that genuinely reach them, where they are, recognising the impact of trauma on their emotional state, mental functioning and ability, or lack of it, to trust the adults. She helps identify the best way to work so that we can teach curriculum as well as healthy behaviours. Honouring biology by building on Perry s (2006) neuro -developmental sequence, Louise provides numerous creative ways of being and doing for those wanting to ensure school is as inclusive as it can be.

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Inside I' Hurting provides educational professionals with a much-needed classroom handbook of new strategies, practical tools and the confidence for supporting these children from an attachment perspective, thus promoting inclusion in the school system. Contents include: how attachment difficulties can affect a child's ability to learn; providing an 'additional attachment figure' in schools; the benefits and challenges of getting alongside children who have experienced trauma and loss; transitions during the school day; permanency and constancy; being explicit; regulating arousal levels; handling conflict; wondering aloud; lowering the effects of shame; working with transition from primary to secondary phase; developing effective home/school partnership (includes a photocopiable initial meeting prompt card); providing staff support; recommendations for future action.

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SELF REGULATION IN BABIES AND YOUNG CHILDREN

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SELF REGULATION IN BABIES AND YOUNG CHILDREN

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This essential handbook for all early years practitioners provides a wider awareness of self-regulation in babies and young children. It emphasises the importance of giving children positive attachments and empathy, and provides fun ideas of how to promote coping strategies for them.

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Donald Winnicott argues that there is always going to be rupture in our relationships because we are only human! Repairing them is important because it demonstrates respect, love/care, support, responsibility and wanting to go forward. Modelling these things alongside empathy helps to restore balance and trust and gives us the ability to move forward.

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There are lots of great ideas and activities that you can share with parents here that may help to support consistency and familiarity at home and setting and can allow parents to look up and find out more about different areas, ages and stages of development.

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Tiny Happy People is here to help you develop your child's language skills. Explore our simple activities and play ideas and find out about babies and toddlers' amazing early development.

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Children’s language development and parenting advice - BBC Tiny Happy People

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A chatty child is a happy child, so Tiny Happy People is here to help you develop your child’s communication skills through simple interaction and play.

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VISUAL IMPAIRMENT IN EARLY YEARS SETTINGS

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VISUAL IMPAIRMENT IN EARLY YEARS SETTINGS

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This PDF talks about some of the ways you can adapt your environment to ensure it is inclusive of children who have visual impairment. it is from the RNIB and is quite comprehensive.

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Looking after the mental health of babies and young children is paramount to support their social emotional development. This toolkit is comprehensive and will help to understand what the issues are around the mental health of children and how to support.

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Understanding and supporting mental health in infancy and early childhood - a toolkit to support local action in the UK. - UNICEF UK

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As part of our policy work on early childhood, the UK Committee for UNICEF (UNICEF UK) and the University of Cambridge's Centre for Research on Play in Education, Development & Learning (PEDAL), have launched a new resource to support local areas in a shared understanding of mental health in infancy and early childhood.

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This page from the Government's early years providers pages talks about mental health and how to support it. The content of the course aligns with this so you can use it as a reference and a reminder as part of your staff CPD.

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Get information and guidance on how to support babies and young children with their mental health.

This article was written by the Department for Education (DfE) in consultation with a team of early years experts and senior health professionals, including NHS England and the National Children's Bureau.

Contents

What mental health means for babies and young children

We all have mental health, just as we have physical health. In the same way that we can be more or less physically healthy from time to time, we can also be more or less mentally healthy from time to time too.

The term 'mental health' for babies and young children describes their wellbeing in terms of their social and emotional development.

Each baby or child will have different experiences with their mental health. Many factors can influence their social and emotional development and wellbeing. This includes things like the quality of their relationship with their parents and carers, nutrition and their experiences in the womb.

Self-regulation and co-regulation

Self-regulation is our ability to adapt, adjust and control our emotions, actions and thoughts. It plays an essential role in mental health. Self-regulation helps us to:

Children are not born with the ability to self-regulate. These skills are shaped by their temperament and their experiences in the womb and in early childhood. These skills must be developed over time.

Children need to continually learn and develop their self-regulation skills throughout the Early Years Foundation Stage (EYFS). To do this they need responsive, sensitive care from the adults around them.

Responsive and supportive relationships are where adults notice and understand children's emotions and needs and respond appropriately. This includes soothing children and calming them down. This is called co-regulation. Responsive relationships with reliable adults, like early years practitioners, will help children build their self-regulation skills.

These skills are not only critical during the early years but are also key to being mentally healthy throughout childhood, adolescence and into adulthood. Helping children learn to self-regulate during the early years supports lifelong emotional wellbeing.

Your role in supporting mental health in the early years

Babies and young children feel more secure when they form close relationships with reliable adults who are consistently available to them. When they experience loving and nurturing environments and relationships, they are also more likely to:

Practitioners, particularly a child's key person, can help by responding to them in a warm, calm and understanding way. This encourages co-regulation, and helps children learn how to manage their own emotions and responses.

The importance of the key person

Every child in the EYFS must have a named key person. This is a practitioner who has a close relationship with their key children and works in close partnership with their parents and carers. A positive relationship between a key person and their key children is central to supporting their mental health.

As a key person, it is important to remember that all babies and young children are different. These differences shape what positive mental health looks like for them and the support they need from you.

You should:

Recognising emotional and behavioural changes

How very young children behave is an important way in which they express their feelings. It can also be a key indicator of how mentally healthy they are.

It is important to understand that every child will grow and develop at different rates and have different experiences. The intensity and frequency of the emotions and behaviours they display can change from child to child and at different ages.

As a practitioner, it is important that you get to know your children and understand their individual patterns of behaviour. This can help you to notice and understand changes in their:

This will help you identify when these changes may be a cause for concern.

Identifying when children need extra support

Some emotional and behavioural changes in children can be quite normal. They may be due to regular developmental growth periods like teething and growth spurts. A child may also behave differently when they feel unwell.

However, some changes may be caused by:

developmental delay

an educational support need

a trauma or bereavement

high levels of stress at home

difficulties in relationships with parents or caregivers

a mental health problem

physical illness

In these cases, children may display behaviours or emotions that seem to be more severe, happen more often, or last longer than usual. It is important to be attentive to the child and curious about the cause of these issues. They may put themself or others at risk or find their own emotions and behaviour overwhelming. This can impact on their physical health and development.

Heightened emotional states in young children can also lead to behaviours that you may find concerning. Some examples could include children:

being very overactive or restless

often feeling irritable or unhappy

finding it difficult to respond to caregiver's cues

struggling to self soothe after a change in routine or separation from a caregiver

often experiencing overwhelming anxiety which interferes with their daily life

regularly displaying what you perceive as angry or aggressive behaviours

having frequent 'temper tantrums' - this is a term used by the NHS, it describes a heightened state where children are unable to manage their emotions or behaviour

showing little interest in social interaction, or being very withdrawn

developing regular habit problems, for example with toileting

being unable to develop routines, for example for sleep and feeding

Every child may display these emotions and behaviours from time to time. It's for you to decide whether they are concerning for a particular child. To do so, you can think about:

how often the emotions and behaviours happen

how intense they are

whether there is a known cause - such as illness, being hungry or a stressful event at home

whether the child usually displays these behaviours - based on your own experiences and those of their parents and carers

Some children's emotions can cause them to display behaviours you find concerning. It is important for you to be curious about the causes of these behaviours and explore these with parents and carers. For most children, using different behavioural and emotional support strategies in your setting will be enough to secure their development.

However, some children will need more support. This is why it is so important that you try to understand the cause of the behaviour and get advice where necessary.

Working in partnership with parents, carers and specialists

If you are worried about a child, always get professional advice and follow your setting's procedures, where relevant. This may include discussing concerns with your:

When getting external support, make sure to engage parents and carers in the process at all stages. This includes involving them in:

You should help parents and carers to understand the importance of positive mental health in the early years. When doing this, it can be helpful to use language such as 'emotional wellbeing'. The best outcomes happen when practitioners and parents work together to support a struggling child.

You could also consider encouraging parents to talk to their GP or health visitor.

Safeguarding

If you are even slightly concerned that a child's change in behaviour may be due to a safeguarding issue, you must follow your setting's safeguarding procedure. Inform the lead practitioner responsible for safeguarding. Where necessary, you should also notify the relevant local safeguarding partners.

Emotional and behavioural support strategies

Find out how you can support early years children with common emotional and behavioural challenges.

Common emotional and behavioural challenges in the early years

When children are struggling to process their emotions, they may display a range of common behaviours. These include:

As a practitioner, you can put emotional and behavioural support strategies in place to help the children in your setting. For most children, if these strategies are also being implemented at home, this will be enough to address these challenges.

Strategies to support children in a heightened emotional state

Throughout the EYFS, children are still learning to self-regulate. You should therefore be supportive of them when they experience all kinds of emotions. This includes a heightened emotional state where they are not able to manage their emotions or behaviour. You should also try to understand what the underlying cause of the emotion or behaviour might be.

To help children who are struggling to self-regulate, you can try some of the following strategies.

Talk to them in a slow and calm way

This can help them co-regulate their emotional responses.

Offer them a hug

A hug can soothe, calm and make a child feel safe. They may be feeling alarmed by their own behaviour.

However, some children may not be ready for physical contact until they are calmer. You may want to quietly sit close to them and let them know you are there when they are ready to come and sit with you.

Let them know that you understand how they are feeling

Think about why the child is feeling or behaving this way and explain it to them so they feel understood. For example, you can say "I know that you feel angry when someone snatches your toy."

Encourage them to do something physical to release the energy

You could encourage them to run outside, dance or stamp.

Find a distraction

Try to distract the child by pointing to something in the room or by switching to a topic you know they are interested in.

However, use distraction carefully. It is always important to acknowledge a child's feelings and help them work through them.

Use simple relaxation techniques

Encourage the child to take 3 deep, slow breaths, breathing in for a count of 3 and out for 3.

For young babies and toddlers, it can help if you hold them and breathe slowly and deeply. Your calm breathing will help them to regulate their breathing too.

Use activities like role play, stories and creative play

Once the child is in a less heightened state of emotion, you can use role play, stories and creative play to help them express and make sense of their feelings.

Strategies to support babies in a heightened emotional state

First check to make sure the baby is comfortable, fed, and has a clean nappy.

You should also check to see if they are showing signs of tiredness, such as:

For a fussy or crying baby, you can:

go to a quieter space, for yourself and the baby

cuddle them

gently rock them

hold them against your chest and take deep, slow breaths

softly 'shush' them

walk with them

Strategies to support a crying child

Crying is a common way in which babies and children express difficult emotions. When a child is crying, it is important to approach them with understanding and patience.

Along with the strategies above, the following strategies can help you to soothe and calm a crying child.

Be there to listen to their concerns

Children need calm, warm and supportive responses from practitioners to help them understand their feelings, emotions and behaviours. You should create an environment where children are encouraged to express their feelings, and where they know adults will respond and listen to them.

Help them to identify their emotions

Helping children to find words to name their feelings teaches them to understand and accept different emotions. You could also ask the child to think about how their emotions are impacting their body physically.

Suggest they come with you to wash their face

Sometimes washing tears from a child's face with cool water will have a calming effect. This can help them regulate their emotions.

Strategies to support sleep routines

If there are children in your setting who struggle with their sleeping patterns, you can:

recreate their at-home sleep routine, or aspects of it, where possible

spend time winding down and doing calm activities before nap time

offer them a familiar toy or blanket to cuddle

help them understand and explore sleep through conversation, storytelling and role play - for example, you could set up a bedroom in the setting and role play going to sleep

Strategies to support an anxious child

Children might feel anxious when faced with a new situation such as:

Remember that it is normal for all children to be fearful or anxious from time to time. However, children may need help if they often experience overwhelming anxiety which interferes with their daily life.

You can use the following strategies to help an anxious child.

Let them know you are there to listen and help with their worries

Always take a child's anxiety seriously. Tell the child you have noticed that they seem worried and encourage them to talk about it. Spend time listening and getting a real idea about the child's specific worries, feelings, and thoughts.

If they do not want to talk, do not force them to. Try and show that you understand how they feel and that you believe their feelings are valid.

Reassure them and help them find solutions

Once you have listened to how the child is thinking and feeling, you could suggest a different way of looking at a worry. You can also offer potential solutions to help.

Prepare them for change

Try to prepare children who you know are due to experience a significant change. This could include the birth of a sibling, moving house or starting school. You can do this by talking to them about what is going to happen and why.

When talking to the child about future events, try not to create an expectation that it will be difficult. Talk to them about positive aspects of the experience. You could also read stories to them that show the scenario they are about to experience or create relevant role play areas.

Help them cope with separation anxiety

To help reduce separation anxiety, encourage parents and carers to say goodbye in an upbeat way. This could include smiling and waving happily and confidently. This will prevent children from picking up on any worries a parent may have about leaving their child. It can also boost their confidence that it is safe to be left.

If younger babies and children seem worried about being left, offer cuddles and gentle distractions. Help the child to become engaged in activities. It may be helpful to introduce them into parallel play with other children and activities.

For slightly older children, you could talk to them and offer reassurance that their parent or carer will return. Try to show them that you understand how they are feeling.

You can also give children familiar items. Ask parents and carers what the child enjoys playing with at home. Then, encourage them to play with similar toys in the setting. You could also offer them comforting items, like a blanket or a teddy. Some children like having pictures of their family they can carry with them.

Strategies to support new children in your setting

Children are all different, and some may take longer to feel comfortable in new environments. It is important to be gentle and to take things slowly with these children. They may need extra support from their key person and a more phased approach to starting in the setting. Keeping set routines in your setting, and telling these children about upcoming changes in advance, can also help.

Children in the earlier stages of starting at your setting, or who are transitioning back following a break away, may need more support. It can be helpful to be present with them to help them manage transitions from one activity in the schedule to the next.

Strategies to address aggression

Most young children will sometimes show behaviour that you perceive as aggressive. This is a normal part of child development. This kind of behaviour usually starts from a feeling of intense emotion that they find difficult to process. This could include anger, fear or frustration.

Children need adults to help them understand and express difficult feelings without behaving in a way that could hurt themselves or others.

You can use several strategies to help a child showing behaviours you perceive as aggressive.

Try to stay calm

Coping with behaviour you consider to be aggressive can be difficult. However, it is important to stay as calm as possible. Remaining calm may be reassuring for the child and help them regulate their own emotions.

Work together to identify early signs of intense emotions

Intense emotions may lead children to display feelings of anger. Talk to the child about how they feel in their body when they start to get angry. This will help them learn how to notice the signs of anger. It will also give them the chance to express this feeling of intense emotion in other ways.

Find ways to manage physical feelings

Encourage children to do something physical to release their energy, like running or jumping. You could also encourage them to use simple calming techniques. For example, ask children to count to 10, breathe slowly and deeply, scrunch up their face or fists, and then release them.

You can also let children know that:

Strategies to support a withdrawn child

From birth, children have an inbuilt instinct to interact with their caregivers. However, all children sometimes need downtime. It is normal for them to avoid interacting with their caregiver when they need a break.

Some children are more naturally quiet and reserved than others. Where this is the case, you will need to adapt to their needs.

To help a withdrawn child, you can use the following strategies.

Use the secure relationship between the child and their key person

A key part of this relationship also involves responding sensitively to children's verbal and non-verbal cues. This helps you understand the child and what they need.

Introduce new experiences gradually

Build up your interactions with children slowly. To do this, you can:

Some babies and children are very withdrawn. They may be very passive and quiet, avoiding eye-contact and physical touch. It is important to be curious as to why a baby or child acts like this as it may be the result of difficult relationships with other adults in their lives.

Remember, if you are even slightly concerned that a child's behaviour may be due to a safeguarding issue then you must follow your setting's safeguarding procedure. Inform the lead practitioner responsible for safeguarding and where necessary notify the relevant local safeguarding partners.

Useful resources

UNICEF and the University of Cambridge's Centre for Research on Play in Education, Development & Learning (PEDAL) offer guidance on understanding and supporting mental health in infancy and early childhood.

NHS Every Mind Matters gives advice and information on looking after a child or young person's mental health.

Maudsley Charity's Families Under Pressure includes tips and tricks from NHS mental health experts for supporting children with their emotions and behaviour .

MindEd suggest ten handy tips for managing behaviour that can be difficult.

The Anna Freud Centre has some advice on how to recognise trauma in young children, along with strategies and tips you can share with families.

The Anna Freud Centre also has some advice on sharing concerns about a child with parents and carers.

DfE has guidance to help practitioners identify the signs of child abuse and neglect and understand what action to take.

The role of a key person is explained by The Anna Freud Centre.

The Anna Freud Centre has some advice regarding withdrawn or passive behaviour in babies, small children.

NHS has advice on soothing a crying baby.

NHS has advice on how to cope with temper tantrums in young children.

The Anna Freud Centre has some advice on how manage tantrums.

The Sleep Charity offer some useful advice sheets for children and helping them to sleep.

NHS offers some advice on signs on anxiety in children and how to help.

The NHS also offers some helpful advice and tips on separation anxiety.

The Anna Freud Centre offers advice on different types of anxiety in children and how to manage them.

Childline offers some useful tips for older children on ways to feel calmer.

The NHS has advice on helping children with anger issues.

The Anna Freud Centre has advice on aggression in the early years.

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Get information and guidance on how to support babies and young children with their mental health. This article was written by the Department for Education (DfE) in consultation with a team of early years experts and senior health professionals, including NHS England and the National Children's Bureau.

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A good guide to the technique with links at the bottom.

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Understanding why a child might lie is important because it can help us to be curious about what is going on for that person. It helps to empathise and give support around what might be happening for the child.

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WHAT CAN WE DO TO GET THOSE GLIMMERS AND AVOID THE TRIGGERS?

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WHAT CAN WE DO TO GET THOSE GLIMMERS AND AVOID THE TRIGGERS?

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ALL BEHAVIOUR IS COMMUNICATION - AND ALSO MEANINGFUL

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ALL BEHAVIOUR IS COMMUNICATION - AND ALSO MEANINGFUL

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This infographic shows not only what may fill or empty a child's cup but that they are the same things that fill or empties an adult cup. When we try to see what might be happening for them and it helps us to understand how we can support

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MAKING SURE WE ARE LOOKING AFTER OUR WELL-BEING

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MAKING SURE WE ARE LOOKING AFTER OUR WELL-BEING

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This little toolkit from Tapestry has lots of information, ideas, and several other booklets all about making sure we are looking after ourselves and each other. It is an important part of what we do in our vital but at times challenging role as carers and educators.

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Children as young as four are being excluded from schools in England in increasing numbers as they struggle to cope in a classroom setting, with many still in nappies or unable to talk fully.

According to the latest government data, 11,695 children aged five and under were given fixed-term exclusions in England in the 2021-22 academic year, which was 11% higher than 2018-19.

In some schools in deprived areas up to 40% of reception children are also now arriving at school not yet potty-trained, the Observer has been told. Experts say many more children are starting school with undiagnosed language and learning difficulties which can lead to behavioural problems.

Charities say cuts to public services mean many are not seen by a health visitor at two and a half as they should be, and the closure of children's centres has resulted in struggling families falling beneath the radar.

Anne Longfield, the government's former children's commissioner. Photograph: Gary Calton/The Observer

Anne Longfield, the government's former children's commissioner, who now chairs the independent Commission on Young Lives, told the Observer: "Anyone who discovers that children of four, five and six are being excluded is in utter shock. It just feels so wrong."

She described meeting a group of parents in north London whose children had been excluded in the first few years of primary school. "One five-year-old child had been excluded 17 times between Easter and Christmas. The child was then sent to a pupil referral unit where there were no other young children and they had to be put in a room by themselves," she explained.

Her commission has taken evidence of "huge rises" in children entering reception at four not yet potty-trained. One head she spoke to before the summer said that out of 70 children in reception about 30 were not potty-trained, and about a third were coming into school in pushchairs.

"We've been told that many children starting school have speech and language delays because they have had dummies in their mouths for so long over the pandemic and since," she added.

Longfield argues that a lack of early support for struggling families, combined with undiagnosed special educational needs, has caused an "outbreak" of very young children who can't cope in a classroom environment.

"These are children with very high needs and real difficulties dealing with social situations in school, who aren't able to cope with change and can be very physically disruptive and dangerous to themselves and others," she says.

Jane Harris, chief executive of the charity Speech and Language UK, which published research in September showing that 1.9 million children are behind with talking and understanding words, said that insufficient health visitors meant "loads of children aren't being seen at two and a half years old as they should be".

More than half of teachers have told the charity they don't know how to help children with speech and language difficulties, and Harris says schools that are struggling to recruit and retain teaching assistants because of low pay often don't have enough staff to give extra support.

"Of course young children are going to feel frustrated if they can't understand what's going on at school and if they find it difficult to talk they will really struggle with making friendships," she said.

The mother of an autistic boy who was suspended from his south London school at the age of six last year after pressing a fire alarm, told the Observer she was "furious". Speaking anonymously to protect her child she explained that he struggled to communicate and to understand the consequences of his actions. Several of his classmates in reception and year 1 were also suspended in the same term as the head launched a crackdown on discipline.

"How do you get to a situation where a child is being suspended and punished for something to do with their disability?" she said. "Surely multiple very young children being suspended should be a huge red flag?

"We tried to make a joint complaint but some parents were afraid of upsetting the school. It feels like we are always fighting [to get him enough support] and it is absolutely exhausting."

Suffolk tops the league table for primary school exclusions in England, and more than 400 children aged five and under were temporarily excluded from schools in the county last year.

Jack Abbott, the Labour parliamentary candidate for Ipswich who has been campaigning to end the exclusion of young children, said: "There is a generation of very young children growing up with much less support. We have half as many health visitors in Suffolk as we had three years ago."

He added: "The children being excluded are far more likely to have SEN [special educational needs] and to be on free school meals. The impact on these vulnerable kids is massive."

Dr Sarah Martin-Denham, associate professor of care and education at Sunderland University, who has made a series of films with excluded children and their parents, said that schools are often excluding four and five-year-olds to push the local authority to place them somewhere else. But she warns that this may backfire. "There just aren't enough specialist places at the moment and these are very young children," she said.

"If your five-year-old child is excluded you feel blamed. Some are frightened to reach out in case it all escalates and their child is excluded permanently. So they just keep their heads down."

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Thousands of Covid generation under-fives excluded from schools in England

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Nearly half of children in some areas arrive unable to talk and still not potty-trained as lockdown legacy take its toll, data shows

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Shutting down a child is not calming them down. if you threaten or shout at a child and they stop the behaviour the likelihood is that it will be temporary. If we do not find out what is behind the behaviour or are unable to support the child with their behaviour, then it is bound to come back.

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Unconditional positive regard, a loving pedagogy, compassion and empathy. Brene Brown argues that the one thing that will suffocate shame is empathy (see her short video in the training and professional development column).

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Self-reflection is at the heart of our practice. We need to ensure we are looking at what we do and appraising it. " we do the best we can and when we know better - we do better" Maya Angelou

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The way we talk to children matters - a lot. Frameworks and structure are important. Teaching about behaviour is vital through nurturing and caring environments.

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We are not advocating giving chocolate to the children but it is worth understanding and thinking about how we can support our children to produce these 'happy' chemicals through the opportunities we give them as well as the things we do and say.

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When we are in fight, flight or freeze mode our whole body is effected and, because it is physiological and unconscious there is only one thing we can do - breathe. Breathing is the message that tells our body that things are ok and to calm down.

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This blog (and part 2) are really clear about brain structure and how we function.

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The 3 R’s: Regulate, Relate & Reason & Brain States by Jessica Lang, LMFT

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As human have parts of our brains that we share with other primates and other parts which are distinctly human. Brain states impact…

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This is a great question to be asking ourselves as adults when we are dealing with children and reflecting on what may have happened after an incident. We know that many times some incidents can be caused by what we did - or did not do.

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This quote from Bruce Perry is so vital to understand. It can explain anxiety, worry, behaviour and why our children may not feel the levels of self-esteem and pride in themselves that they should.

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We all want to be be accepted for who we are and the uniqueness we bring. Fitting in can be hard and bring other mental health issues like anxiety and worry if we don't feel that we are being accepted for who we are.

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Apologising to children, admitting when we have made mistakes is both positive and powerful. It disrupts the hierarchy where children are 'wrong' and adults are 'right' and support children to be autonomous and assertive.

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Accepting feelings is not accepting behaviour. We are looking for ways to support children to manage their feelings.

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Anxiety can 'show up' as many different things so it is important that we are looking for ways to reduce anxiety for children e.g., breathing, priming, visual support, nurture etc.

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"the language reminds me how many people still believe that behaving well is simply a choice and that behavior is determined just by whether people want to make the right or good choice. When we use that language, we reinforce that notion with kids so that they come to believe that if they have difficulty managing their behavior, it’s simply that they are making the wrong choice. Who would want to make the wrong choice? The most important thing for us to keep in mind is that behavior is not simply a choice; it is only a choice when you have the skills to be able to meet the expectations that are in front of you.

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Alliance Against Seclusion and Restraint - We can and must do better for our children!

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Behaviors Charts: Helpful Strategy or Harmful Practice?

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We have many thoughts and ideas about behavior charts, most of which would not surprise our long-time readers. While perhaps well-intentioned, behavior charts can cause anxiety, shame, a loss of intrinsic motivation and can increase stress behaviors. I remember the frustration behavior charts caused…

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The brain does not exist by itself. Find out the importance of our early childhood experiences and how it effects our whole body

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Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University

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How Early Childhood Experiences Affect Lifelong Health and Learning

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This explains how our brain develops through circuitry based upon experience.

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Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University

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this report from Unity is asking..
How do we support children to;
Make connections
Make choices
Make links
Face challenges
Take responsibility
Think flexibly and critically?
Using a relational approach

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The Framework for the Early Years Foundation Stage states clearly the expectations for children at the end of the Reception year.

Personal, Social and Emotional Development (PSED)

ELG: Self- Regulation.

Children at the expected level of development will;

Show an understanding of their own feelings and those of others and begin to regulate their behaviour accordingly.

Sit and work towards simple goals, being able to wait for what they want and control their immediate responses when appropriate

Give focused attention to what the teacher says, responding appropriately even when engaged in activity and show an ability to follow instructions involving several ideas or actions.

However, it is clear that self-regulation is an ever-developing skill, it is not something that can be ticked off at the end of a child's Reception year.

What does the data tell us?

Progress made in closing the gap between disadvantaged children and their peers ​"may have ground to a complete halt", according to a new report from the Education Policy Institute.

In its latest report, Education in England 2019, the education thinktank reported that there had been ​"no real change" in the average scores in the Early Years Foundation Stage Profile between 2017 and 2018.

The report also warned that the attainment gap between children eligible for Pupil Premium funding and their peers did not change between 2017 and 2018 - in fact, it widened from 4.4 months to 4.5 months of progress

Neil Leitch, chief executive of the Alliance, said: ​"We have warned the government for some time of the potential damage to social mobility because of the £662m funding shortfall in early years education.

​"We already know that childcare providers in deprived areas are twice as likely to close as those in affluent ones - often because poorer parents cannot afford the voluntary extras or private hours that providers are forced to charge to make up for the lack of adequate funding. Not only has underfunding plunged the early years sector into crisis, today's report shows how it risks harming the children who most need quality, early years education to keep pace with their more advantaged peers.

This means there is a definite need to provide the quality provision for those children within the disadvantaged groups within our schools and setting.

Self-regulation and resilience are both a key factor in part of all aspects of learning. Helping a child developing the Characteristics of Effective Learning goes had in hand with supporting their PSED skills.

How do we support children to;

Make connections

Make choices

Make links

Face challenges

Take responsibility

Think flexibly and critically.

Firstly, we need to identify the role of stress and its impact on a child's capacity to learn. Stress can be positive or negative, apparent or hidden, physiological/​psychological, internal/​external, self-imposed or forced up on us. Stress can not be avoided , its how we learn.

There is evidence that positive changes to reverse negative stress effects can change developmental trajectories for children. Placing children in supportive environments will support those vital skills.

We need to reframe our thoughts about children's behaviours. All behaviours are communicating something and it is key to identify the needs. Try to identify when it is a stress behaviour and when a child's window of tolerance is closing. Think about why children are not coping.

Children need well-regulated adults. Children need to observe adults interacting in a calm and healthy way during all aspects of their day.

We need to provide opportunities to build warm, responsive relationships. Children need to spend time with their peers and begin to experience the joys and challenges of friendships. The ability to belong to a group.

We need to provide an enabling environment with structure in a predictable way that is physically and emotionally safe to explore and take risks. An environment needs to provide opportunities for intellectual and physical challenge. Children need to be able to push boundaries and learn new things. An enabling environment encourages independence, decision making and choices.

We can support self-regulation and resilience skills though modelling, suggesting strategies, providing frequent opportunities to practise, and scaffolding.

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What is best practice to support self-regulation and resilience in...

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What is best practice to support self-regulation and resilience in the Early years with a focus on the disadvantaged

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This little video is from Zero to Three and is a practitioner talking about an incident in her setting that totally changed the way she viewed children and her practice.