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Hi Channa! One thing that I really liked in your story was the description for Aunt Sally! I could picture her in my mind, that's how good it was! Another thing that I really enjoyed was how explained how scared Sally felt when she was in the basement. One thing that could be fixed was your grammar but other than that I think your story was really good and very intense!

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I really like your story. I think one of your strengths was when you meet your Aunt it was well descriptive and showed lots of detail. Especially when you were displaying the feeling of the girl when she met her Aunt and went to her house. I also enjoyed the plot twist when she figured her Aunt was a serial killer. You didn’t just say it in one sentence but you went on to elaborate which was good. I do not have a wish so another star is the inner thoughts in your story. You didn’t just write them because you had too but like you were really connecting it to the story.

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Your old pal who is listing to Billie Eilish (Guess)

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Your old pal who is listing to Billie Eilish (Guess)

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Hiya old pal! First things first, I just wanted to point out how amazing your conclusion paragraph is! Something that really stood out to me from it was your transition word choice at the beginning. I have never heard it used and I thought it was extremely creative. (That wording choice being In the final analysis,) I found this as a really cool way to start your last paragpargh off. In my perspective it makes it kind of suspenseful, I don’t know why. The next thing I enjoyed from your writing was the second claim. “Without a doubt, video games have that little chat box feature and that is great for sociability!” I feel that is was worded excellently. You gave specifics to how communication comes through in video games. There was one thing missing though. With my love for your second claim sentence and all, there came one small mess up. I think you could’ve swapped something around up there so it wasn’t stating facts, like “Without a doubt, video games have chat box features.” Overall great claims and everything else. See ya old buddy old pal. : )

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Hi Chahna! A strength in your essay is the beginning. It really hooked me in. I liked the descriptive  words that were placed in the beginning. I also enjoyed the end it tied everything in and made it better. One wish I had was that the questions had the same descriptive state as the whole piece.

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Hi chahna P you have lots of strengths in your essay the way you elaborate what you say is fantastic. The way you explain about your data and your warrants are very explainable to the reader's extent. All. In all you should add more ideas or more info in your warrant because your paragraph went really fast.

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Hi, Chahna! A strength of your essay that I really liked was the persuasive words you added. Some words that I really liked were, “phenomenal”, “gazing”, “sensational”, “astonishing”, “splendid”, and many more! To add on, something that I really enjoyed was your last anecdote. I thought it really showed how video games help keep kids distracted when they aren’t cooperating. However, a suggestion I can make for improvement is to get rid of the last sentence in your Call to Action. It says, “Kids need to start doing chores and saving up money, then buying their own elections.” To me, this did not really make sense. You are basically saying that kids need to not play video games and do chores and save up money instead. This is going against your claim and it didn’t really make sense to me. Other than that, I think you did an incredible on writing your essay!

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Hey Chahna, how you doing?  I adore your piece so much. A strength in your memoir was you used a lot of figurative language which made the piece alive. One of my favorites was when you mentioned that your mouth was a dry landscape and that the seat is going to eat me like a gumdrop. That line puts a lot of detail in your piece. I really enjoyed ghd piece because of its figurative language. I think you had a truck load of inner thoughts which I loved. It made the reader understand what was going on in your head and that was essential because we needed to know how you felt or thought.  Though one thing I wish you could add is to go deeper in your life lesson cause you simply just listed it and then you were done. I wish you could add more to it but other than that it was a great  memoir. I hope you keep up the hard work. BYE

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I really liked the story and all the inner thoughts you put into it. I could really invison the roller coaster. I also liked the figurative  language for example “ it was so hot it was raining hot chocolate” i really like that one. The wish i would choose is to have a more powerful ending

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One of your memoir’s strengths was the way you described how you were afraid of the ride.  You raced around with the thoughts in your head about getting off and how you were crazy when you agreed to go on the ride. Your memoirs other strength is how you described the color that you saw when on the ride. One of the colors you described was a neon orange flashing into your eyes. You kept bringing up the color of the roller coaster. Could you describe how you felt when you were at the top. There could be some more inner thoughts of various emotions. You could feel excited or even more afraid.

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The theme you learned from this really changes the story. All your small fears were gone, that really brings it together! Your piece was not talking about the roller coaster- (pLOt TwSit) I think it was the roller coaster! In a very good way. :)

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I love your enthusiasm in your piece. Your piece really tells a lot about you and the readers can see how much you love your birds. I think it's great that you have more likes than dislikes, and I also enjoy your creative background. It really brings the pieces to life, and makes the reader feel welcome. I think you could improve the fact that when I read the piece, it felt a bit fast. It was still wonderful but it felt like you speed up. Maybe you could make space between lines? In a way where you describe them slower. BYE CHAHNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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A Strength of your About Me, “ Chana’s Magic of Bestsellers!” Was the detail of your interests. My favourite example would be when you said, “I love to color and I always try out new scents for my diffuser and my favourite scent right now is sandalwood and a spray of rose!” I feel like I really know a lot more about your interests. Also, I loved how much description you put in about your interest in birds. I found it very interesting to read about your bird and how you will hopefully get another. However, something that I can offer as a suggestion is finishing up the sentence when you said, “Of my writing Peace!” I still wonder what you meant by that.