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2nd idea: Akutagawa Ryunosuke- Tobacco and Devil
Short story written literature

Scene 1
Environment: EXT. Macau's Harbour
Character: Missionary and devil
Plot: The missionary got lost in Macau's street and the devil made him validating and took his body and its control away.

Scene 2
Environment: EXT. Japan Farmland
Character: Devil and cattle dealer
Plot: The cattle dealer asked the devil what the name of the flower was, and made a gamble with devil.

Scene 3
Environment: EXT. Farmland
Character: Devil, cattle dealer and missionary
Plot: The cattle dealer burnt a part of tobacco field and induced the devil to speak out the flower's name.

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https://docs.google.com/document/d/1GiQEnc4dfAdJBrNl8XpFJ0mYmm7LkCmV/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=110860545967426834487&rtpof=true&sd=true

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Dramatic Adaptation_Cheung Pui Laam Bella.docx

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https://docs.google.com/document/d/1eND-vDiFX2lIYx5LWhiEszLJG_Wiii5i/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=110860545967426834487&rtpof=true&sd=true

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Poem Performance_Revised version_Cheung Pui Laam Bella.docx

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https://docs.google.com/document/d/1AFSieRsHCGESb-t7lJdGjnMn3vGou_ww/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=110860545967426834487&rtpof=true&sd=true

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LUE 3001_Coursework II_Revised and Expanded Version_Cheung Pui Laam Bella.docx

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https://docs.google.com/document/d/17427WwaWlO3YAhDTI4V41OpmROidTau0/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=110860545967426834487&rtpof=true&sd=true

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Lue 3001 Spoken Word Coursework I_Revised and Expanded Version_Cheung Pui Laam Bella.docx

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1st ideas: La Traviata
Advertisement-paper letter

Environment: A room
Action/plot: The scene of after Margaret “betraying” Armand  and he asked her to leave with him. Margaret crying and said she had the promise so she couldn’t do so. Armand was mad of what she said and left her alone.
Character: Margaret and Armand the heroine and protagonist of the original story
Language:

Film or TV show
La Traviata(1983 film)
Party where the Violeta admitted she loved Douphol in the face of Alfredo, which made he mad and insulted her in the party. After Violeta leaving the party, her friend Flora told Alfredo that he didn’t understand the love of Violeta to him.

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I am a normal office worker and I am already 30 years old, I still haven’t married yet. I gotta find a person who is suitable to marry to, as my parents have been rushing me to get marry. I tried for sure, but I am always afraid and anxious of building a relationship with someone. Maybe due to my those heartbreaking experiences, I hate betrayal more than others do. I am always thinking that if I will be abandoned by someone I loved, I will abandon them first. That’s the reason that I haven’t got married.

1. to get married
2. Fulfilling her parent’s aspiration
3. Time and heart
4. Disappoint her parents, be alone in the rest of her life

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https://docs.google.com/document/d/1jb5gT_ARqoohsWaIVErxWRlQmsRIGeqZ/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=110860545967426834487&rtpof=true&sd=true

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Lue coursework 3_ LongerStory_Revised and Expaned_Cheung Pui Laam Bella

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Hello I’m Bella and I’m year 3 student majoring in Visual Studies. I enjoy sleeping, watching funny clips on Instagram and reading Japanese novels, especially Mishima Yukio’s Kinkaku Temple, I have read it for 3 times. If I got spare time, hopefully, I will read it again. As it always gives me innovation and inspiration.

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“Doesn’t she think Charles falls in love with her?”

“She is not a heroine of a love story, but she acts like she is”

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“I am thirsty and I can almost drink the whole river”

“2 rivers, I think”

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The weather in Hong Kong is emotional.

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The lunch I just had is a poison.

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You are generous as a sunlight in the winter

This dumpling is salty as a water in dead sea

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When was the last time you cried and what caused it

I seldom cry, if I do, It is all about the same thing in my childhood.

I was having dinner with my father, and having a small chat about my nephew who was 5 years old. My nephew was living in New Zealand with his family, he was having a incredible child life maybe contributing to the gentle environment of New Zealand. My father showed his pictures to me and said “How couldn’t you be that happy cute child when you were 5?” The awful memories suddenly came to my mind, my tears were unstoppable.

“You seem like you are the saddest kid in the earth” My family always commenting me with this phrase, as I always cry when I was a kid. My father easily getting mad, if I started crying, he will even get more mad.

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Life is as short as a falling of rain, I remember the rainy afternoon when I was sitting at the bench of the funeral, hearing the Daoist priest singing to soothe the soul in burial, thinking whether this was comforting the rest of the dead or our hearts that wailed. The rain was torrential, “pitter-patter”, and it took only a split second for the sprinkles to spill from the sky to the soil. Those raindrops had already landed on the ground before they saw the scenery on the earth. Just like our life, not even enough for taking a glance, life has passed quietly.

Life is as coldblooded as a crocodile, I remember that sleepless night, I was reliving the past, hoping it wouldn’t slip away fast. When the light slinked in through the window, the sun rose, I was still paralyzed and everything moved on anywise. Life is relentlessly remorseless, not only does it not comfort you when you lose your spiritual support, but it also reminds you that life will go on unaffected.

But life is as shiny as a snowflake. I remember the morning when the snow fell from the sky, that shininess caught my eyes. The brilliance of snowflakes reminded me of those lives that were born quietly and slipped away softly. At this moment, I realized that aren’t we all those snowflakes that fell from the sky, melted by the daylight and turned into water droplets to moisten the earth? When we complete our mission, the brightness brings us back to that beautiful bliss. Life is an inevitable reincarnation as a hydrologic cycle, as we all got a reason to be born. Instead of feeling sorrowful, feel grateful to those who passed away.

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One evening I laid on my bed in Lingnan hostel and dreamt about the evening in Japan temple called Jinja with the same blue sky without a single cloud which is very suitable for praying like a Japanese people giving coin to the Gods for their wishes like career path or study and that evening I did the same with others but I prayed in the deep of my mind but I used Cantonese so I wonder if Japanese Gods would understand what I meant as they are gods and supposed to be all-rounded and know everything in the world but did they only protect Japanese or if I pray with Cantonese would not show my respect to them and they wouldn’t realise my wishes. Starring the same sky in lingnan I will always think about that evening and this time I raise another question about do the foreign gods will protect us even we are far away from them physically but no mentally. My brain just poping up the red temple in Japan and white church in Europe I always ask for study but not asking for a lover or a special relationship with someone, that is not reliable enough for me. If I got a good grade is it all contributed to the gods who I prayed to? Or it is contributed to the my effort I know I shouldve been grateful but I just can’t because I don’t believe the gods would realise my wishes even they do exist as everything is doomed and destined so we cannot change the future and what we do now is just implementing the future but some people with high self esteemed think they are powerful enough to change their future that ridiculous

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I lengthened each paragraph and tried to use the figurative language I learned in class to increase the literacy of the article. My classmates had given me a lot of opinions and advice, which made it easier for me to find out where I can improve during the revision.

In the first paragraph, I added a sentence: I stared blankly
at the torrential rain falling from the sky, one after another, before I had time to glimpse them, they had already turned into ripples in the puddles. Shelly thought I should put more emphasis on the personal experience of the article, and let it become a story. Therefore, I added the actions and feelings at that time in the first paragraph and then brought out why I thought life was a drop of rain in the first place. And this scene can be used as the beginning of the article, comparing my thought that life is rainwater with my thought that life is powder snow later, it shows that my thinking has changed. And after reading it in class, my classmates thought I needed to add more rhymes, so I added ripple and puddle to this sentence to make it read more smoothly.

In the second paragraph, I added: Even the sunshine that
shines in is like the tears of a crocodile. The warmth of the sun is more like mocking me who lost a loved one than comforting me. Athena mentioned that since I used the crocodile as a metaphor to describe the ruthlessness of life, I should use a few more sentences to describe why it is like a crocodile. I think of an idiom called crocodile tears, I think it is very suitable to describe the ruthlessness of life. And I also added personification to make the article more vivid.

In the third paragraph, I added: We are not the dazzling
stars, but we must be the snow shining white in the late winter, bringing the grace of the sky to the world. Here I tried to use litotes, and different words to increase the literariness of the article. As for why the stars are used as a comparison, I think of Sanjida’s poems. Her poem also mourns the dead and misses them secretly at night. She also uses stars to represent the hope and brilliance of life. Therefore, when I was revising this article, I remembered the scenery she described in her poem, but I personally think that the dead will not hang in the sky forever, like the stars, but will turn into water vapour and return to the sky like snowflakes, and then wait the day that comes to earth, and we meet again. Therefore, I think stars and snowflakes can be compared to express my personal opinion.

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I changed and added the details of the article according to the opinions given by the professor. In the eighth paragraph, the main character recalled the past when she returned to her home. I added a more detailed background of the main character: Her dream is to be an idol, Lost the opportunity to study after deciding to train. I want to reflect her mother's support and love for her and also want to highlight how reckless the protagonist's decision to commit suicide is. Since the teacher wanted me to explain why the protagonist's decision was a gamble, I decided to add more details here, which I hope will complete the story.

In the eighth paragraph, I supplemented the description of ‘First Seven’. It means that on the seventh day of the deceased's death, their souls can go home to see their relatives for the last time, so the protagonist will have the opportunity to meet his mother. This was originally Chinese culture, but I was not careful enough to consider the backgrounds of different readers. Therefore, the recollection of the protagonist is quoted here to supplement the
explanation.

Most importantly, I extended the length of the story by including the boy saying goodbye to the main character. In the first draft, the role of the boy is only to make the protagonist feel the weight of life and death. But Shelly said it was possible to add a farewell scene for the protagonist and the boy instead of making him a hasty exit. So, I added an extra paragraph describing how the protagonist said goodbye to the boy. The boy also reminded the protagonist at the end that her family will not forget her, paving the way for the meeting between the protagonist and his mother later.

In addition, I changed the boy's mother to the woman. Because I think that since this article is described from the perspective of the protagonist Woeria, using ‘the woman’ to describe the boy’s mother will make it seem that the protagonist and his mother did not know each other and were unfamiliar, highlighting the characters’ relation. But after helping the boy's mother, I described her as 'his mother', which means that the protagonist has a little familiarity with women. I hope to express the changes in the relationship between the characters through the names of the characters.

I also listened to the teacher's comments and even changed the parts that were not smooth. For example, the boy's judge judged him was changed to the boy's judge allowed him to avoid excessive repetition of words so that the article does not look smooth and confusing. Other than that, I changed some words, I hope the article will be more literary. For example, Immediately>Promptly; Smooth>Silky; Tidy> Neat as a pin. Moreover, I remembered that the teacher said in class that it is difficult and special to use colour words, so after I showed Athena my first draft when I asked her if there was anything that could be improved, she suggested that I could change the words of colour and phrases to make the article richer. So, I changed the wording of color, originally, I used black and dark purple to describe the blackened part of the boy's soul, now I changed it to violet lake and claret-coloured to describe it.

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I changed some parts of the story and the ending after receiving advice from the professor and classmates.

First, I lengthened the first paragraph and changed the details of the story. It turned out that the protagonist discovered the white fruit and the whole orchard behind the tree when his physical strength was almost exhausted. I referred to Athena's opinion, she said that the orchard is best to be the hallucination of the protagonist, and it will appear after he eats the fruit. The scene of snow is added here, which shows that snow and the guard are also hallucinations seen by the protagonist, so it will be easier to fit the theme will not be abrupt. At the same time, I added the protagonist's inner thoughts here, which made the plot of his hallucinations more profound, and also let readers know that the white fruit the protagonist ate caused him to have the next illusion.

Second, I also lengthened the length of the fourth paragraph, lengthening the dialogue between the protagonist and the guard, explaining more background stories of the protagonist, and the reasons why he continued to indulge in hallucinations. And added more psychological changes to the protagonist. The dialogue also gives the keeper a character, because the guard seldom speaks, and readers can only guess his thoughts from his actions. When Elsa read my first draft, she thought the guard’s character description is not enough. So, I increased the length of their dialogue.

Third, I changed the ending of the story. It turned out that the protagonist took a bite of the fruit and continued to look for the guard and the orchard. But because the professor said that my character didn't change and develop enough, I changed it to him remembering what the guard taught him, hoping to bring his selfless spirit back to his city. The changed ending is more positive, as the protagonist did not indulge in the poisonous fruit blindly but brought his own experience back to the city and opened up his own life path, although what he experienced was illusory and unreal. The original ending was a bit too vague, making people suspicious of the whereabouts of the protagonist and the change of mentality. Therefore, I changed the ending to the protagonist returning to his city. In addition to not making readers doubt the protagonist’s future whereabouts, I can also leave a question: Has his life changed after returning to his city?

In the end, I followed the professor's comment and changed various details of the story: changed the protagonist's name to pronouns; changed all the tenses; and changed some vocabulary. And after reading the teacher's comment in coursework 3, I also changed the details of some of the character's dialogues. For example, when the little girl told the secret of the fruit at the end, I added "She suddenly turned her volume low" in the middle of the dialogue, making the sentences look more concise, it can also express the emotional changes of the characters when they speak.

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Finding the person I love or finding a person who loves me

Character’s past: I’ve been in several relationships since I was secondary school students. But my boyfriends always betrayed me and left me alone. I can feel that there will not a person who truly loves me and I don’t believe in man.

I know that it might make me stubborn and seem to be picky,  but it is always better than having a man who will betray me in one day.

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https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1YHIxzQH1DJJOEEMr_CH2X62ilDii1nfJ?usp=sharing

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My changes are mainly focused on the last part. I listened to my classmates and teachers and changed some sentences and words.

In the last sentence, I changed it to This is a letter to you, my dear. In order to emphasize the theme of this poem more, it is a poem I wrote to my friend, and it is also a letter, hoping that he can get rid of loneliness and mistrust as soon as possible from the pain of others. And I changed And your rancour will be hereafter cured to Life is full of lies and we once relied on each other. It was because the teacher thought my sentences were too vague to express the meaning well, so I changed the words to be clear and expressive at the same time, and minimize the parts that are unclear.

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Loneliness as a Gyre

You built walls like an Antarctic Gyre, feeling so dire.

Blocking the warmth with no track, with the heart full of black.

“There is no one to trust, you all liars.” You said, with the eyes full of ire.

The words engraved on your heart and left the wrack, making you have no turning back.

I see myself in your eyes with my giant wall frosted with ices.

Not a single silhouette in my world, So how can’t I not understand your words?

Wind pushing the visitors miles away

Your ground goes begging

Flowers withering and sleeping away

Your ground keeps sealing

Until the day the gyre stops running

Your guard is down

The seed of trust once more sprouting

Your loneliness melts all around

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Michael had been sleeping like a koala, which was unusual for hi. He was normally up at the crack of dawn but he had slept through his alarm today.

He looked in the mirror and looked at the old familiar scar under his left eye.

“I think it’s fading.” He said to himself “but I still need to get that tooth looked at, I guess I’ve swallowed by the work.”

He looked at his eyes which felt as an elephant, he’d had an amazing weekend but now he got burnt back! His creative writing class was starting today but it was was already late and he felt cursed to not get in on time.

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Loneliness as a Gyre

You built walls like an Antarctic Gyre

There is no turning back

“There is no one to trust anyway.”

You said, With the heart full of black.

I see myself in your eyes.

Not a single silhouette in my world

With my giant walls frosted with ice

So how can’t I not understand your words?

Wind pushing the visitors miles away

Your ground goes begging

Flowers withering and sleeping away

Your ground keeps sealing

Until the day the gyre stops running

Your guard is down

The seed of trust once more sprouting

Your loneliness melts all around

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Loneliness as a Gyre

You built bulwark like an Antarctic Gyre, feeling so dire.

Withholding the warmth, warping your will, with the heart full of black.

“There is no one to trust, you all liars.” You said, with the eyes full of ire.

The words engraved on your heart and left the wrack, making you have no turning back.

I see myself in your eyes and my upright dyke disguised with ice.

Not a single silhouette in my world, So how can’t I not understand your words?

I see the haze in your gaze in a trice, encasing the snow slide.

Not a faith but pains, so how can’t I heal your hurt?

Wind alienates the visitants ultra-distant away.

Your ground makes me shiver whenever I feel its terror.

Flowers never awakes and fading it to grey.

Your ground keeps sealing as Antarctica, where all life will rest forever.

Until the day the gyre stops running, warm current flows in to miracle.

Heal the grief, realise the love is endear.

Fear rears in the desert you once were, reaching out to the untouchable.

The seed of trust once more sprouting here.

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After I finished writing the first draft, I received suggestions from the professor and classmates, and I also changed some parts of the film script and added a lot of details to make the script more detailed and easier to understand.

First of all, the professor suggested that I can consider adding some text to indicate the action, how the characters stand relative to each other and how they move about - particularly at the start. Before the devil invaded the missionary's body, I added the shot of the missionary trying to struggle but was caught by the devil, because I think it would be more realistic for the missionary to at least struggle a little; and also the description on how the devil invaded the missionary's body was vague, so I added the devil who grabbed the missionary with one hand and put his hand in the missionary's head and then invaded his body, sharing the same body with the missionary.

In the second scene, I also added a lot of details. The tone of the characters and their actions are also described more carefully and detailly than in the first draft. For example, when the devil refused the cattle dealer to tell him the name of the flower, I added the description of his shaking hands; showing his refusion. I think the suggestions given by the professor are very constructive, because after adding more action descriptions, the simple dialogue becomes more vivid, and it also provides a very clear guideline for me to draw the storyboard. And in the third scene, at the end I added the scene where the devil left the missionary's body and he talked to himself. This is a plot that did not exist in the original story, but due to limited space, I cannot change all the details in the story, which may make readers not understand what Akutagawa wanted to express in the story. For this issue, I referred to the opinions of Athena and Shelly. Athena thinks that I can add a confession of the devil at the end to express his purpose; while Shelly thinks that I can add this confession after the devil leaves alone. I listened to their advice, so I added something original at the end, and brought out the meaning of the story: when you relax after thinking you won, you may already fall into someone else's trap.

In the process of drawing the storyboard, I also had many ideas for changing the film script. First, in draft 2, the missionary first took out the cross to drive out the devil, and the devil told him not to be afraid, and then invaded his body. But when I was drawing the storyboard, I found that the order of this action was a bit strange. Before the devil invaded his body, he should struggle first, instead of letting him invade like a mermaid. So, I reversed the order of the two actions: the devil approached him first and told him not to be afraid, and stretched his hand towards the missionary's head. Then the missionary struggled again. This is more vivid and reasonable.

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Dramatic Adaptation_Cheung Pui Laam Bella