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Today felt like the beginning of something new. I met people I necer expected to connect with, Maria, Cj, Caleb, Alexander, and jewel. At first, It was just one of those regilar school days, but something about meeting them made it feel a little less ordinary.

After class, we all went to lotus to buy some stuff we needed. It wasn’t a big plan, just a last minute “Tara , sama ka”. But it turned into something I genuinely enjoyed. We laughed, walked around, and ended up eating together. It felt natural, like we had all known each other longer than we actually had.

Sometimes, you mert people and just….click. No pressure, no pretending, just a good energy. I don’t know where this friendship eill go, but today, I’m just happy it happened. It reminded me that life can surprise you when you least expect it.

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We celebrated Ate's birthday at Yakimix today. There was so much food and ofcourse, we all got excited and filled our plates.

Then we remembered 'YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO LEAVE LEFTOVERS' or you get charged. Problem was, we were so full already.

So yeah, we had to get creative. Some of us tried to casually force bites in others were offering food like "Hey, want this?" even though everyone was full too.

In the end, we survived and finished everything. It was honestyly so funny. Super full, but super worth it.

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Today’s my birthday. Dapat masaya, pero may halong lungkot. Kasi kahit na maraming bumati, siya lang talaga ’yung inaabangan ko. And then… he did. Binati niya ako. Sabi niya, “Happy Birthday, my love! This will be your last birthday na mababati kita. I don’t want to make this message too emotional kasi I don’t want to ruin your day. This day, you should just enjoy, forget about our problems, and celebrate.” Ramdam kong love pa rin niya ako sa paraan ng pagkakasabi niya. Ang sakit lang mabasa ’yung “even if it means I won’t be with you anymore.” Parang pilit siyang nagpapakatatag para sa’kin para hindi masira ’yung araw ko. sabi niya pa, “Wag mong babaguhin ‘yung pagiging makulit, bubbly, sweet, and adorable mo, love.” “Hindi po muna ako magbababye, bukas na ’yun. Just enjoy your birthday, love. I love you so much.” Hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ako o iiyak. Gusto kong maging masaya sa birthday ko gaya ng sabi niya pero halo-halong emosyon yung naramdaman kase after nitong araw na 'to, hindi na kami mag-uusap kagaya ng dati.

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Honestly, I don’t even know how to describe today. Like, ang bigat. Ang sakit. Pero it’s done. Tapos na. This was our last convo.

It hurts so bad not just kasi wala na kami, but because I still love him habang nangyayari lahat ng ‘to. May part sa’kin na nagsisisi, like sana hindi ko na lang masyadong dinamdam ‘yung ginawa niya. Pero ang sakit talaga eh, especially ‘yung part na may ibang girl involved. I couldn’t just pretend na okay lang. Kahit mahal na mahal ko pa siya, I had to choose myself. At the end of the convo, I felt so drained. As in, parang naubos ako. Lunod na lunod sa “sana,” sa “mahal pa rin kita,” at sa “paalam.” Everything was so quiet around me, pero ang ingay sa loob. And kahit na paulit-ulit ko sinasabi sa sarili ko na magiging okay rin ako right now, I’m not. I’m really not. Pero maybe, someday I’ll accept it. Not because I want to, but because I have to.

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Hindi nila alam, pero ang bigat-bigat pa rin sa dibdib ko. Tawa ako sa labas, pero sa loob ko… ang gulo. Lagi ko na lang sinasabi sa sarili ko na “Okay lang ’yan,” pero ‘yung totoo, hindi pa talaga okay. Kaya hindi ko napigilang i-chat siya and sabihin na magkita kami kahit last na sa birthday niya (august 5) and masaya ako kase hindi rin siya humindi sinabi niya pa nga nam-miss niya ako, sorry nang sorry and nag “I love you so much” pa siya. Kaya ngayon medyo naging okay ako na hindi kase kahit magkikita kami, last na na mangyayari ‘yon.

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There are days na I really thought okay na ako. Like, I laugh again, I talk to people like normal, I even enjoy random things. But then may bigla na lang moment na bigla na lang akong tatahimik. And I realize I remembered him again. It’s crazy how healing works, no? Like, it’s not a straight line. Yung akala mo okay ka na ulit, tapos may biglang something na magpapabalik sa’yo sa sakit. But even if may ganun, I’m still proud of myself. Kasi kahit mahirap, kahit minsan gusto ko na lang i-shut off lahat. I don’t give up on myself. I still choose to fight. Kahit hindi pa buo. Kahit broken pa rin in some parts. I’m still here. Still healing. Still fighting. And I think… that’s more than enough for now.

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Today felt… different. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba malapit na birthday niya or dahil lang sobrang daming naalala ko bigla. I remembered ’yung mga times na sobrang saya namin, tapos naisip ko, grabe no… ilang araw na lang, makikita ko na ulit siya. Kahit sinabi ko sa sarili ko na last na ’yun, bakit parang may konting hope pa rin akong nararamdaman? Mixed emotions talaga. I’m excited kasi makikita ko ulit ’yung taong sobrang mahal ko. Pero at the same time, sobrang lungkot kasi alam kong after nun, wala na. Tapos na talaga.

End of chapter na ’to. Nakakaiyak pero nakakakilig din? Weird no? Pero siguro ganun talaga kapag mahal mo pa rin kahit alam mong wala nang babalikan. Trying to be okay. Trying to prepare my heart.

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Today was his birthday and totoo, I really prepared for this day kahit alam kong sobrang sakit. I even bought him a cake. I wasn’t sure kung makakapunta siya kasi 2:00 dapat ‘yung meet namin, pero 2:20 na siya dumating. Akala ko hindi na talaga.

At first, sobrang awkward. Nagkakahiyaan kami, like hindi namin alam paano magsisimula. Pero eventually, he asked me kung kamusta na ako. I told him na I’m doing medyo okay kahit hindi naman talaga buo ‘yung totoo kong nararamdaman.

We talked about school… like old times. Tapos nanghiram ako ng lighter sa staff kasi gusto ko siyang pa-blow ng cake. Sabi ko kakantahan ko pa siya pero hindi ko na kinaya… napaiyak ako. Kaming dalawa. Biglang naging iyakan na lang. Walang harang, walang pride. Sobrang raw ng moment na ‘yun.

He kept saying sorry. Paulit-ulit. Halatang halata sa kanya na sobrang nagsisisi siya. Sinabi niya pa “I love you so much” at damang dama ko ‘yung sincerity… pero masakit eh. Sobrang sakit.

Then he asked, “Mas magiging okay ka ba kung ganito?” as in kung magkabalikan ba kami ulit. Pero hindi ako sumagot. I pretended na hindi ko narinig. Kasi alam kong kahit gusto ko… hindi pa kaya ng puso ko. Masakit pa rin. At kailangan ko munang piliin sarili ko kahit parang hindi ko kaya.

Dapat aalis na siya ng 3:00 pero we extended… hanggang 4:30. Alam kong bitin ‘yun pero grabe… sobrang saya ko kahit sobrang lungkot ko rin. Halo-halo na. And pag-uwi ko? Ayun, iyak ulit.

Then nag-chat pa siya sa’kin after. Hindi ko pa kayang i-process lahat, pero alam ko… this day will be stuck sa puso ko forever.