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Going through different emotions is part of life. While it can feel worrying as a parent, it is normal for young people to feel low sometimes, and this can be a natural response to what's happening around them. Often, the passing of time and support from people they're close to can help things feel better again.

When a young person is feeling depressed, however, sadness and low feelings become more overwhelming, persisting over a longer period of time and making day-to-day life difficult.

Knowing that your child is feeling depressed can be incredibly worrying as a parent. But remember that lots of young people go through depression and come out the other side and feel okay again, and that there are things you can do to help them - including providing emotional support, working on practical strategies together and finding the right professional support if they need it.

Symptoms of low mood and depression

As a parent, it can be useful to understand the difference between having a generally low mood and feeling depressed. This can help you to think through what your child is experiencing and the type of support they need.

If your child is experiencing a low mood, they may feel more sad, tearful, worried, tired or angry than usual, or feel low and less confident about themselves - but then feel better after a few days or weeks. They may also start to feel better quite quickly after making small changes in their life or routine - for example after resolving a disagreement with a friend, getting to the end of a stressful time at school or starting a more regular sleeping pattern.

When a young person is depressed, sadness and low feelings do not change or go away with time. These feelings can become overwhelming and stop them from doing or enjoying things they normally would. When a young person is experiencing this, it's very difficult to shift the situation without extra help and support.

While every young person is different, and these feelings are often expressed differently at different ages, some signs that your child may be feeling depressed include:

withdrawing, or avoiding friends or social situations

finding it hard to concentrate, and/or losing interest in schoolwork

not wanting to do things they previously enjoyed

feeling irritable, angry or frustrated

feeling tearful, miserable, lonely or hopeless

feeling empty or numb

being very self-critical, or feeling less confident

sleeping more or less than normal

eating more or less than normal

feeling tired or not having any energy

showing less or no interest in self-care activities like washing

wanting to self-harm

experiencing suicidal thoughts

If your child is experiencing one or two of these things, it does not necessarily mean that they are experiencing depression. But it's important to speak to your GP as a first step so that you can explore what's going on together.

How to help your child with depression and low mood

If you are concerned that your child may be experiencing depression, there are lots of things you can do to help.

We have a list of services and helplines they can use on our reaching out for help page, which you can point them towards.

Top tips for supporting your child with depression.

When to seek professional help

If the situation isn't getting better with time and you're feeling worried about your child's mental health, seek professional support and advice.

Many children and young people will need professional and specialist help to feel better if they are experiencing depression. They may benefit from a specific diagnosis or a treatment such as talking therapy.

You can find more information about how to access professional help below.

Where to find professional help

If your child is experiencing depression and needs ongoing support, it can be helpful to create a support plan together with the professionals around your child - so that you know exactly what help is available and how your child can access it. This could include things like:

agreements with their GP, or their key worker if they are being treated by CAMHS, about when they will next check-in

whether any referrals can be made to other services, and a list of the services available locally that might be able to support them

what your child's school can offer - including a staff member who they can speak to when they're struggling.

people your child trusts and can talk to when they need to, including family and friends.

You can find out more about speaking to GPs, finding a counsellor or therapist, accessing Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS), getting help from your child's school and finding local services on our guide to getting help.

Young people's advice for others experiencing depression

Speak to your doctor or a trusted adult about how you're feeling.

Don't be afraid to cry, especially if you're male - it helps to release emotions and you'll feel better afterwards.

I've found that identifying behaviours that are not beneficial to you - like endlessly scrolling through Instagram before bed and sleeping late - can be really helpful. It's hard to force good habits, but it can do wonders for your overall mood.

Try to keep going outside, even if it's just a short walk, it can really help your mood to lift.

Find a distraction technique - we all have different ones; it could be jogging, music, art, reading etc.

Realise that how you're feeling won't last forever and there's always something to look forward to.

If your child is having suicidal thoughts

Young people who are struggling with depression can experience feelings of not being able to go on, or no longer wanting to be alive. This can lead them to think about, speak of, or attempt suicide.

A young person can struggle with thoughts of suicide without acting on them. But these thoughts can also develop into stronger feelings, and a plan or intention to attempt suicide. All suicidal thoughts should be taken seriously, and young people going through this need help and support.

If your child is experiencing suicidal thoughts, or you're worried they might be, we have information and advice that can help. Have a look at our page on suicidal thoughts for advice on how to support them and where you can find help - including how to access urgent help.

For advice on supporting and responding to your child when they're experiencing suicidal thoughts, have a look at the Prevention of Young Suicide (PAPYRUS) website. You can also contact their HOPELINE to speak to an advisor via phone or email.

Looking after yourself as a parent

Supporting a young person who is struggling with depression can be incredibly worrying and exhausting - and it's entirely understandable if you're struggling with anxiety or other difficult feelings yourself at the moment.

It's so important to recognise the impact the situation is having on you, and to think about ways you can take care of yourself - including getting support from other people so that you can take some time off. Remember that it's okay to ask for help when you need it, and to share your worries with someone you trust.

Many parents find it helpful to reach out to other parents so they can talk through how they have handled difficult situations with their children and get support. You may also be able to find a local parent support group using the Charlie Waller Trust directory.

If you need more help, you can find services such as counselling or therapy through your GP and other local organisations, or privately if this is an affordable option for you. Sometimes it helps just having someone there who can listen to what you're going through - and if you need someone to talk to, you can call the Samaritans anytime on 116 123.

You might also find helpful...

Where to get further support

Useful helplines and websites

While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.

This page was reviewed in March 2023. It was created with parents and carers with lived experience of supporting their child or young person with depression or low-mood. We will next review the page in 2024. YoungMinds is a proud member of PIF TICK - the UK's quality mark for trusted health information.

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Depression & Low Mood | Signs, Symptoms & Treatment

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Depression is a mood disorder where low mood persists for a long time. Read about the symptoms, what support is available and how you can help your child.

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Hello!

We are happy you found us.

Are you worried about someone else's drug or alcohol use?

Do you have questions you would like to ask?

Would you like to know more about drugs and alcohol?

You have come to the right place.

We support young people aged 11-18 in Newcastle Upon Tyne and 5-18 in North Tyneside.

You can message us here up until 9pm, or find us on:

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We are happy to chat with you. If you message us after 9pm we will reply the next day.

If you want to meet face to face with our young person's worker, they will meet with you at a place you feel comfortable. This could be at school, youth club, or somewhere in town.

We will chat with you about what is going on and help you to understand the situation better.

This is a confidential service* so we will not go telling other people! (*unless you or someone else is at risk) View our privacy policy.

What we will cover

Understanding drug or alcohol use within your family

Your thoughts and feelings about what's going on

Staying positive

Keeping Safe

Having fun

We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. By clicking "Accept", you consent to the use of ALL the cookies.

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As part of the Young Person's Project at PROPS, we support young people aged 11-18 in Newcastle Upon Tyne to understand drug and alcohol use within their family.

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Cumbria, Northumberland, Tyne and Wear NHS Foundation Trust

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Information for anyone in North Tyneside experiencing problems with drugs and alcohol. It tells you the kind of support available, who the service is for and how to arrange an appointment.

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North Tyneside Recovery Partnership - Service user information leaflet

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Information for anyone in North Tyneside experiencing problems with drugs and alcohol. What support is available, who the service is for and how to be seen.

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Ever feel like you need some Extra Help? - North Tyneside Citizens Advice Bureau

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Are you over the Age of 50? Are you finding it difficult to manage around the house?

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North Tyneside is very proud of the genuine collaboration and cooperation of all schools and the local authority to work together to:Keep Children Safe in EducationAct with a sense of urgency to

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School phobia, or school-related anxiety - sometimes called 'school refusal' - is when your child feels fearful or anxious about school and/or is unable to go to school. It's also referred to as emotionally-based school avoidance (EBSA) or anxiety-related absence.
It can happen at any age, and it can be more common among children with additional or special educational needs (SEN). There can be many reasons why your child might experience school anxiety, but dealing with it can be stressful for you as a parent, as well as your child.

Parents' Toolkit has teamed up with educational psychologist Dr Amanda Furness and SEN advisory teacher Sarah Barton to give you advice on how to handle 'school refusal' and where to go for help.

'School refusal' is a catch-all term used to describe when a child is anxious about or unable to attend school.

Dr Amanda Furness points out the term can be misleading because, "it implies that children and young people are making a choice not to attend", whereas in reality there are likely to be many interacting contributing factors. Therefore many people prefer to call it emotionally-based school avoidance (EBSA).

There's some evidence to suggest more pupils have experienced challenges getting in to school since the Covid-19 pandemic. In the autumn term of 2021, almost 1.7m children missed seven days of school or more. Even allowing for some Covid disruption, that figure is significantly higher than before the pandemic.

Dr Furness says difficulties attending school, whether primary or secondary, "can happen suddenly or build over time" and "can be very complex and are likely to be due to a range of interactive factors". However, reasons for not wanting to go back in can include anxieties around...

social and/or work pressures at school

difficulties maintaining positive relationships with peers or staff

unmet needs (eg: additional needs or feeling unsafe)

home and/or family factors

sensory needs making the environment feel overwhelming

Other reasons include a range of socioeconomic factors, plus some parents choosing to electively home educate their children because they feel their child's needs were no longer being met in school.

Dr Furness says: "It's common for young people who feel unable to attend school to experience heightened anxiety," but it might not always show up in a " typical way". Some ways you might spot it in your child include...

not wanting to get up, get ready or go to school

anxiety and heightened emotions when getting ready to leave for school

physical symptoms like headaches, stomach ache or feeling sick

a change in behaviour either by becoming more withdrawn or acting out more

trouble sleeping or getting to sleep

not doing schoolwork or performing worse at school

not going into school without telling you

When a child elects not to go to school it can have a knock on effect for others - especially for a parent or carer who may then have to stay off work, but the resulting stress can then exacerbate feelings of guilt or worry in the child.

It can be a worrying time for you as a parent, so go easy on yourself and your child. The most important thing is to listen to your child and to try and be calm, patient and show empathy. It's also important to look after yourself and seek support when you need it.

Dr Furness says start by working together with your child and their school to identify patterns or possible triggers.

Consider whether there are any current social difficulties or learning challenges, or if there have been any events or triggers that could have caused a change in the way the child feels about school."

"It's important to have open and non-confrontational conversations with young people about what they're finding difficult, remembering that they may not be able to verbalise this fully themselves."

Start talking to your child's school as early as you can. "Most schools will suggest talking with the class teacher first, and this can be escalated to the school Special Educational Needs and Disability Coordinator (SENDCo), who will be able to advise on support. Also - have open conversations with school staff who monitor attendance."

If your child is able to make it into school, you can still support them by talking through the school day and discussing what might help at each stage, linking them up with a pastoral staff member and/or peer buddy at school, providing a safe space for them within school, and having a 'time-out' or 'exit' card they can use in class if they feel anxious.

Some children may also benefit from extra responsibilities at school, or involvement in sport or extracurricular activities. Discuss what might work best with your child's teacher or SENDCo.

If your child isn't able to get into school, avoid arguing with them and be supportive of any small achievements they make, like putting their uniform on or walking to the school gates, even if they can't go in.
Keep in regular contact with school and work with them on strategies to help your child, including work for them to do at home if necessary. Keep a note of your correspondence as you may be asked to provide evidence that your child isn't well enough to be in school.

Sarah Barton works with children and parents in Rochdale who've decided to electively home educate their child, often due to emotionally-based school avoidance. She advises getting help whilst your child is still enrolled at school...

"See what's available at your local Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service (CAMHS) - do they have a drop-in centre? Look into local charities like Thrive that can support you. Talk to school about what support will look like, how it can be measured - in terms of goal-setting - and how you'll adjust things as you go along."

Get in touch with CAMHS as early as possible if you have any concerns about your child's mental health - waiting times for CAHMS have risen since the pandemic with the average wait last year being more than two months, topping eight months in some areas. Our mental health first aid kit for parents can guide you through steps to take and offers some things you can do whilst you and your child are waiting to access these services.

It's also worth making an appointment with your GP to check for any neurological issues and to discuss next steps.

Dr Furness says children with special educational needs (SEN), "may experience heightened anxiety due to social factors, environmental factors (e.g. sensory needs), or learning barriers."

"Some children with social, emotional and mental health needs can experience high levels of stress. They may mask these needs in school and show them more at home until they're no longer able to maintain their masking. This often leads to a seemingly sudden change in their attendance or behaviour."

Take things slowly with your child and gradually introduce tasks for them to complete, to help them get to school or cope once they're in school.

Whilst each child's needs will be individual to them, Dr Furness recommends identifying a 'safe place' and 'safe adult' in school, particularly around transitions. "If you know your child is anxious about school, be proactive in getting support in place before this escalates. Work with the SENDCo to identify potential barriers and reasonable adjustments that can be made."

Sarah Barton adds: "Talk to the school about a bespoke support package for your child, for example: who do they report to when they get into school? Should we have a phone call with the family at the end of the day? What plan is in place if your child doesn't go in that day?"

You can also apply to your local authority for an education, health and care plan (EHC) which will work out your child's educational, health and/or social needs and set out the additional support needed to meet those needs.

Dr Furness says support will look different for each child, but some ideas include...

Ensure each day is a fresh start. Often pupils who've been unable to attend school then feel they can't reintegrate.

Try to avoid a 'shame cycle'. Acknowledge their difficulty, validate their feelings and explain that you can work together to overcome barriers.

Work with the school to identify learning that can be done at home. This will help to ensure that your child doesn't feel like they've fallen behind too much.

Be proactive in lowering baseline levels of anxiety. For example, through mindfulness activities around transition points.

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School anxiety and refusal: How parents can help their child get through tough times - BBC Parents' Toolkit

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Emotionally-based school avoidance, or 'school refusal', has increased since the pandemic. Here are tips to help parents to understand what causes it and to help their child cope.

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Not Fine in School is a parent-led organisation empowering families & raising awareness of school attendance barriers (school refusal/ anxiety/ SEND/ bullying)

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It's normal for children and young people to feel worried about something that's happening at school - for example, when starting a new school or during exams. Sometimes, however, school can become challenging, stressful or distressing over a much longer period of time.

If your child is feeling anxious about school, or not able to go, it can be exhausting for both of you. Mornings in particular can become really stressful for the whole family, as you try to juggle your child's feelings alongside the need to get them to school and get on with your other responsibilities such as work. Even if you manage to get your child to the school gate, you might know how difficult they're going to find the day - or know that you'll be facing the same problem tomorrow morning.

If you're in this situation, we've got advice to help you explore what's going on with your child, make changes at school that can help, and find the support you need if your child can't go to school.

Young people can feel anxious about school for lots of different reasons. They might be worried about making friends or fitting in, find schoolwork or lessons confusing, feel pressured to learn in a certain way or find their relationships with teachers difficult.

Sometimes, going through difficult experiences outside of school - such as bereavement, an illness in the family or being a young carer - can also make it harder for a child to feel settled at school.

For some young people, the school environment isn't right for them, and trying to fit into it can create a huge amount of stress. This might be the case if they are struggling with their mental health, or have a neurodiverse condition or Special Educational Need (SEN) such as autism, ADHD, dyslexia or dyspraxia. This can make the school environment anxiety-provoking and exhausting, especially if their condition or need is undiagnosed or not being well supported.

Young people might show they're feeling anxious about school by:

not wanting to get up and get ready

saying they can't go

worrying a lot about small issues, such as having the right equipment for a lesson

feeling sick, or having stomach aches or headaches

not sleeping well

not doing schoolwork, or their grades dropping

being angry or upset, or acting out - at school or at home

withdrawing - seeming low, quiet or depressed

It's often difficult for your child to articulate the problem. They may be in a heightened state of stress and not know why or feel able to explain. Your child probably wants to feel able to be in school, just as much as you want them to be there. In many cases it just doesn't feel possible.

Sometimes it can be difficult to work out what's making your child feel anxious, and the first step is often helping them to identify exactly what's worrying them. Once you understand the problem, you'll be in a much better position to make changes that can help.

Young people can find it hard to explain what's causing their feelings, and might not be able to answer direct questions like 'what's going on?' Using an anxiety iceberg can help to open up the conversation - giving you a more relaxed way of exploring together what's causing their anxiety.

Watch our video to find out how to make an anxiety iceberg with your child.

If you're making an anxiety iceberg with younger children, you might want to draw images on the iceberg, or encourage them to write simple words. With older children and teenagers, you can ask them to write key words and phrases on the iceberg, or do this as a mind map, with 'school' in the middle and all the things they're finding difficult around the outside.

Through this exercise, you might identify worries such as arriving at school, finding the environment noisy or overwhelming, finding lessons confusing, feeling lonely through the day, or feeling uncomfortable during specific subjects.

Once you understand what's going on for your child, you can use their anxiety iceberg or mind map to communicate with the school and ask for specific changes.

Follow these steps to start a conversation with the school:

Here are some examples of things you can ask the school for:

Remember that even though this situation can be really tough for you and your child, it's a good idea to maintain a positive relationship with the school. Recognise the support they're offering and any changes they're making. This will help you work together to make things better for your child.

Building a relationship with the attendance team at my son's school was hugely helpful, we were talking with them each day.

If your child isn't going to school at the moment, it might feel incredibly stressful and tiring. You might be worried about when they will be able to get back to school or the impact on their education. Or you might feel overwhelmed because you're juggling this alongside work and other family commitments. Things are probably feeling tough for your child too.

During this time, it's important to keep working with teachers and other staff to try strategies that can help your child get back to school. Keep encouraging them to take achievable steps towards attending too. When the right support is in place, it's often easier for a young person to get back into their usual routine if they can return to school as quickly as possible.

If your child's anxiety about school has built up to the point where they can't go, it's a good idea to get them some professional mental health or SEN support. Find out how to do this further down the page.

Alongside requesting professional help, try to:

The school's SEN and attendance policies should be on their website. Knowing what these are can support you during meetings with the school.

This can help if your child is unable to go to school for a longer period of time and you need to ask for more support, including provision of alternative full-time education.

Encourage your child to get up, do some studying and stop for lunch at the same times they would if they were in school. This will make adapting back to school easier. Explain to your child that if they cannot go to school, they will need to study at home - at least until alternative arrangements are put in place. Ask the school to help you facilitate tasks and activities your child can do and use online resources such as BBC Bitesize.

Not going to school could leave your child feeling really isolated. Make sure they stay connected to the outside world by seeing friends and family, doing activities they enjoy and getting outside for walks and exercise.

Speaking to friends online can be really important if your child is feeling isolated at home. Sometimes, however, you might notice that your child is spending lots of time gaming or on their phone, and that this is getting in the way of important daily activities like spending quality time with family, learning, or sleeping and eating well. If this is becoming a problem, have a look at our guide to gaming or guide to social media for more information and advice.

Local authorities must provide alternative education if a child of compulsory school age is unable to attend school over a longer period of time. If your child cannot attend school because of a mental or physical health issue, the local authority should provide an alternative as soon as it is clear that they will be away from school for more than 15 days (either consecutively or over time). Find out how to request alternative education.

Getting back to school after weeks or months may feel extremely difficult for your child, but you and the school can help make it more manageable. Here are some things you can do to help:

Set small, achievable targets, such as visiting the building outside school hours or attending one lesson.

Request a home visit from a school staff member so your child can check in while feeling safe, see that the school cares and discuss any strategies that might help them.

Ask for a reduced timetable, with regular reviews to discuss building back up at a manageable rate.

Discuss changing classes or sets if your child thinks this would help.

Focus on qualifications needed for what your child wants to do next, perhaps dropping a less relevant GCSE to reduce stress.

My son wasn't questioned about his absence when he did feel able to pop in for favourite lessons, helping to ease him back into full days of education.

If your child is struggling with anxiety and it's affecting their day-to-day life, learning or relationships, it's a good idea to find some professional support. Speaking to the GP and finding them a counsellor or therapist are two good places to start. You can find more information about GPs, counsellors and other mental health services in our guide to getting support from mental health services.

If there is no other obvious reason for your child's inability to attend school, they may have an undiagnosed Special Educational Need (SEN) such as dyslexia, autism or ADHD.

If you think this is the case:

Speak to the school's SENCO or your GP to ask for a referral for an assessment.

While you are waiting for an assessment, you can also ask the SENCO to refer your child for support from other professionals, such as an Educational Psychologist or Speech and Language Therapist. These professionals can identify specific needs and make recommendations for additional support the school can put in place - even if your child hasn't had a formal diagnosis yet.

SEN support at school
If your child is diagnosed with SEN, extra support and adjustments should be put in place at school to help them attend and learn. This is called SEN support, and should be available within the school's existing resources. Speak to the school's SENCO in the first instance about how the school will support your child.
Education, Health and Care (EHC) plans
If you do not think your child's needs can be met by the school's existing resources, you can ask the local authority to carry out an Education, Health and Care needs assessment (EHC needs assessment). If the local authority decides your child needs additional support, they will then make an Education, Health and Care plan (EHC plan). This outlines how the extra support they need will be provided. Find out more about EHC plans.
Your Local Offer
Your Local Offer is the information, support and services available for young people with SEN, and for their parents and families. You can find out what support is available in your area by going to your local authority's website and searching for their Local Offer.

While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.

We have more tips and advice on supporting your child with school, and information about how you can get in touch with our Parents Helpline.
This page was reviewed in December 2022. It was created with parents and carers with lived experience of supporting their child or young person with school anxiety. We will next review the page in 2025. YoungMinds is a proud member of PIF TICK - the UK's quality mark for trusted health information.
Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If your child is in crisis right now and you want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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School Anxiety and Refusal | Parent Guide to Support

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If your child is anxious about school, or refusing to go to school at all, read our tips and advice on how you can support their mental health.

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Support for professionals working with families.

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Improving the health and wellbeing of children and young people.

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We are an independent charity and the only generic carer support service in North Tyneside supporting both young and adult carers. Our knowledgeable team supports carers with everything from advocacy to mental health through one to one sessions and peer support groups. We also provide specialist training and information sessions created by us to help make life easier for you and the person you care for.

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North Tyneside Carers' Centre | You can depend on us!

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We provide a confidential support service to carers, from information, advice and guidance to emotional supportand training, we're here. Call 0191 643 2298.

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Welcome to Acorns We offer a range of services to support families affected by domestic abuse in North Tyneside and Northumberland Our work aims to: Improve physical and mental health and well-being Increase personal resources by building self-esteem, confidence and assertiveness Empower families to increase resilience and live safely and independently We do this by [...]

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Safe and happy childhoods

We protect and support children and young people, providing practical and emotional care and support. We ensure their voices are heard, and campaign to bring lasting improvements to their lives.

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We protect and support children and young people, providing practical and emotional care and support. We campaign to bring lasting improvements to their lives

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Helping children since 1891! It's our 130th anniversary and your support for children in the region is more vital than ever - get involved.

Helping babies, children and young people grow up healthy and happy

Children North East exists because growing up can be hard. We work with children and young people in their families, schools and communities to ensure they grow up to be healthy and happy.

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Helping children since 1891! It's our 130th anniversary and your support for children in the region is more vital than ever - get involved. Helping babies, children and young people grow up healthy and happy Children North East exists because growing up can be hard.

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North East Counselling Services Newcastle Gateshead

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North East Counselling | Home Page - North East Counselling Services Newcastle Gateshead

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Mental Health Support in The North East of England You may be struggling with something which is causing turmoil in your life, or you may have a niggling sense of things being not quite the way you want them to be. You may be thinking about getting some support but you don’t know where to […]

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Parent / Carer Safeguarding Information | Moorbridge

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We know that many families will struggle to make ends meet, and with the unexpected rise in the cost of living, can suddenly find themselves in very difficult circumstances.