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Deadline: Tuesday 25th March

Please post your story here. You can take a picture of the handwritten version or type it up once I have checked it.

Please comment on two people's work and write a star and a wish for them in terms of feedback . Use the criteria to give you ideas on what to write for feedback.

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Part 1

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part 2

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part 3

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Timothy and Charlie’s Magic map-By:Joshua and Bhavya

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Timothy and Charlie’s Magic map-By:Joshua and Bhavya

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The sun was bright and the waves were soft. Timothy and Charlie were on a big ship transporting goods to Mexico. This was a new ship, and while exploring, they found a small, dusty room. Entering the room, they saw a lonely box, and under it was a very large, dusty map. “Look at this,” Charlie said. “There is an old map right there, under the wooden box." Then Timothy touched it to carry it, and then...

POOF! A bright light covered them. When they opened their eyes, there were no longer a ship, but standing in a busy street with tall buildings and strange signs

“Where are we?” asked Charlie.

Timothy pointed at a sign. “Shanghai…… We are in China!”

They were very worried. They tried to touch the map and go back, but nothing happened. Then they saw an old man selling maps. They showed him their magic map.

“The map is ancient. It must have come from Columbus’s ship, the magic map. I have heard stories about this, but I thought it was a legend. Come, you must touch it together,” said the old man.

Timothy and Charlie grabbed the map and touched the ocean, and POOF! They were back on the ship!

“That is like a dream; thats crazy!” said Charlie

Timothy smiled: Let's keep the map. Maybe we go on another adventure someday.”

They put the map in a safe place , and excited for the next journey.

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BY ADITI

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Timothy and Charlie’s Magic map-By:Joshua and Bhavya

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Timothy and Charlie’s Magic map-By:Joshua and Bhavya

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BY ADITI

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It was another rainy day in the big city of London. An eleven-year old girl named Becky was wandering the streets, when she realised she had forgotten her raincoat. She could feel the heavy rain drenching her brownish gold hair, the same colour as her eyes. A bead of sweat trickled down her back, sending shivers down her spine. Oh how she wished she could be safely under the sturdy roof of her orphanage. Thinking about this, she turned around. No, she told herself. You have to get bread for our breakfast. Becky closed her eyes, and imagined the heat of her fireplace, wrapping around her like a fluffy blanket. The warmth of the thought fueled her, making her turn around to brave the strong gusts of wind. When she was about three-quarters of the way there, she realised she had stepped on something.

“Hmmm, a map.” she murmured. The light purple parchment shone in the dim light, radiantly glowing on Becky’s face. She slowly bent down to pick it up, and when her fingers grazed the edge, the strangest thing happened.

Becky felt a strange force throwing her body back and forth, the twists and turns making her feel as if her intestines were unraveling. Down, down, down she went, plummeting into a void of darkness. She soon felt herself drop on solid ground, and got up to face the immersing beauty before her. I was like a winter wonderland- dense snowcapped trees overlooking a pale pink lake, which was somehow in liquid form.

Becky shivered, "Where am I?"

"You shouldn't be here." another voice said. Becky jumped, and turned to face… a king?

"Oh you poor thing." he sighed. I'll bring you to my palace. Just promise me that you'll hold my arm tight, okay?" He smoothened his velvet red coat as he stared at her with his piercing blue eyes. Becky nodded and did as he asked. Then, she felt gravity push her body into the earth, taking numerous paths underground as they kept going down. A few seconds later, Becky stood facing an exquisite room, with intricate flower petals woven into the red velvet carpet, and a super fancy chocolate fountain- just like in the movies. It made her want to jump right into the melted goodness, devouring every single bit. But she had to do something more important first.

"Where am I?" she demanded, "And who are you?"

The king sighed again, "You are in the land of Fawthorn, and I was cursed to be its king."

"Cursed?" Becky repeated.

"You entered here by touching a lilac map, yes?" The king waited for Becky to nod and continued, "That map is a cursed artefact. In fact, the land of Fawthorn itself is cursed, because of a powerful sorcerer called Zeldiah."

"But… there must be a way out, right?"

"Sorry my child, anyone who enters cannot leave."

"Isn't that fine? This place couldn't be that bad."

“If the curse wasn’t made, then all would be well.”

“Sooo… what is the curse?”

“We don’t know.”

Becky laughed hysterically and gasped for breath, “I’m sorry, I thought I heard you say that you don’t know.”

“I did say that.”

“Then how would you know about the curse?” Suddenly the lamps went off, and an eerie and raw voice hissed, “Gotcha.”

The ghostly whisper echoed across the room, sending shivers down Becky’s spine.

“W-w-who are you?” Becky asked. A dim light switched on, revealing… nobody. At that very moment, she felt searing pain in the middle of her right hand. She let out a piercing scream.

“Oh trust me,” the voice said, “You don’t want to know.” There was a hint of familiarity in the voice, but Becky chose to ignore it. She looked at her hand, and saw it scarred with the words, ‘Evil Never Dies’.

“I’ll see you again, Becky.” the voice sneered. Then, from somewhere in the room, Becky heard a faint beeping sound, it almost sounded like-

Becky woke up in the orphanage dormitory, panting endlessly. Then, the realisation hit her, the beeping sound was her alarm clock! She blew out a breath of air that she didn’t notice she was holding. Her mind celebrated, it was just a dream! She went over to her desk to stop the alarm, when something glistening in the morning light caught her attention. As soon as she laid her eyes on it, she scrambled back, not believing what she saw. For there lay, the mystical map.

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The Mystic Map

There it was. We were in the midst of a battle with the sea guards and their fearsome, dangerous leader, Bount, the exterminator of Pirates, essentially the police of the sea.  The battle raged on…..

When I found some time to escape and bandage some of my wounds, I sneaked down below deck and that’s when I found the map. This map, the object that started this whole story -  “The Mystic Pirate’s Treasure Map,” There it was, peaking out of a storage chest in one of the chambers of the attacking sea guard’s ship.

….It had all started five years ago when my best friend, Jack, and I were nine. We had left our village and set sail to become the best pirates of all time! Since then, we had been sailing the seven seas, fighting and eliminating one crew after another, finding and using sea orbs, gaining more treasure and bounty, our names were known to the world.

In ports all over the empire, signs were posted -  “Alex and Jack, WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE, Reward: 100,000,000 gold!” and now, finally, we had found the map that would lead us to the grandest treasure of all.

We had set sail to find this treasure not knowing what dangerous traps lay ahead. Although Bubby, our rival pirate and greatest enemy had teased and tortured us our whole lives for being super young and too dumb to do anything like being a pirate, we still pushed through, sailing to multiple islands defeating bandits and enemies using sea orbs that people thought only existed in myths which give us magical abilities, each one being unique. I ate the wind orb while Jack ate the lightning orb.

While going to a somewhat cursed island, I used my wind orb to suck the life out of these bandits and Jack used his lightning orb to strike them and leave them in paralysis to die alone and afraid. But then I met Bount, the most dangerous man alive, he was a sea guard who vowed to end the lives of all pirates and guess who was a pirate. I quickly dashed at him throwing some punches at him (Instant regret) then sprinted away. “Hey, Dork! Who do you think you’re messing with?!” Bount exclaimed upon my attack. “The name’s Alex” I added, hoping to sound really cool, but I don’t think it worked. He and his top-notch sea guard mates charged with their water orbs setting tsunamis and whirlpools everywhere, we were stunned, with the sea guard slowly creeping up on us we thought we were doomed, but out of the sky a boy came and kicked Bount (Worst mistake of his life) he then went and ran away like a coward but Bount had forgotten about us and with a lightning strike and wind strike Bount was bruised and bleeding and he and his sea guard mates went back to their ship to heal themselves. But we knew they were going to come back, and not as friendly as this time. Since then we pushed through to scavenge the multiple islands eliminating every enemy in our way like crazy pirates, getting stronger every time.

While we were fighting more sea guards on an island full of loot we saw a familiar face, it was that boy who kicked Bount, we exchanged thanks for helping each other and let him in our crew the boy then said his name was Paul. Then, out of the blue, a man with tons of bloody scars popped out from a bush. He said his name was Sine and asked if we were pirates, we replied “The best!” trying to sound cool again, but obviously failed. Upon saying this he immediately asked if he could join our crew, after exchanging some looks with one another we said… “Of course!” even though we had some suspicions, little did we know he was crazy strong. After that incident, we, the four mighty pirates have been hunting for the map.

To think Bount’s ship had the map all along and now we are back here as mentioned at the start. I quickly swiped it before anyone realised and put it in my pocket. I quickly sprinted to our ship and told everyone in my crew that I had found the map and that we should raise the anchor and abort. Everyone was overjoyed upon hearing this and did as told. Just then we caught sight of something terrible, Bubby’s ship! “Ahhhhhh!” We heard a scream coming from somewhere on our ship as Bubby’s ship started to near, it was Paul…being stabbed by Sine! Jack and I were in shock. “Thank you!” Sine exclaimed.

“Thank you, for stealing this map for us and doing all the hard work for us” as he snatched it from us with his crazy strength. “I can't believe I actually tricked you! And before you start going like: “But… you are on our team!” No! I am a chief commander on Bubby’s ship! Now, if you’ll excuse me we will just be raiding this ship!” We had to do something, we can’t let our dream be taken away! I stopped Sine in his tracks and Sine chuckled “Now it’s time to show my true power!” He turned into a Hydra, he had the strongest sea orb, the Hydra orb! We grabbed Paul’s body and ran away while we were reviving Paul, Sine was looking for us. We knew we had to do something, I whispered to Jack,”We have to do something, he’s going to kill us anytime!” Jack whispered back, “Then you know what we must do…. WE HAVE TO AWAKEN OUR SEA ORBS!” That was something nobody has done before, you have to have complete control of your sea orb and full mastery, you could die if you awaken it, the power would be too strong, but if you conquered and controlled your fruit until maximum you could possibly awaken it but to do so, you have to kill your best friend while doing so, so still with friendship with Sine both of us tried to awaken our orb, with the highest chance to die being a 99.9….. percent chance of death but as soon as we thought we died we felt power, we both knew we had done it as we grew bigger and stronger.

We stepped out and saw Sine with a fearful look on his face, I used my wind orb to put so much air pressure in him he exploded and Jack used his lightning orb to strike Bubby’s and Bount’s ship down and kill them, Jack and I looked at each other relieved and we soon lost our awakening as you can only do it once in your life with a high chance of death. We went back to Paul and tried to revive him, he said to us, “Thank you” and died, we thanked him for his help and left both celebrating and mourning, we went on to find the treasure, travelling to island after island and after a long time we made it, we had to answer a riddle to get the treasure the riddle was, "I have cities, but no houses; forests, but no trees; and water, but no fish. What am I?" we had to place the object in a hole but then we realized the answer… A MAP we put it inside and was revealed to the multitude of treasures and gathered them up, that was the day we became the greatest pirates ever.

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Noah-Creative writing (Whipcream's Great journey) 

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Noah-Creative writing (Whipcream's Great journey) 

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In the fog filled forest where the  fog covered everything like a beard  there lived a group of superheroes named Whipcream, Ice Cream and Cookie. Their group name was the amazing Ice Cream donut superhero! The Ice Cream donut superhero group was both stealthy and cunning. Ice Cream the Light Lord  was the 2nd strongest among the group with his shiny black hair and muscular build.

Whipcream has silver shiny hair and a tall appearance without a single pimple on his face. He was the Great and mighty shadow lord, the strongest being in the multiverse. He had recently turned into a superhero trying to save the world. Cookie on the other hand, was a smart and strategic person who mostly focused on dodging and  countering attacks.

There was also an evil entity named the Dark lord. The Dark Lord had thick black hair, was as tall as a giraffe and as strong as an elephant. The Dark Lord wields a Blade called the sword of hope which possesses great light powers so it can damage people with light powers. However it didn't have any dark powers in its sword as he could not control his own power.

Anyways as the three of them were slowly trodding down the road like an old man as they were as tired as a sloth because of their previous language there it was a smell glint of light in a small bush. As Whipcream went to investigate, a giant sword the size of a human appeared in the bushes. The giant sword could blind anyone. Using Whipcream’s ultimate shadow strength to pick up the sword without a sweat. But as he picked it up, the Dark Lord got released as well as a dark gust of wind that knocked Cookie and Icecream unconscious.

As Whipcream walked swiftly like a ninja to dodge the bugs scuttling on the floor except these weren’t normal bugs these were boom boom boom bugs where they would explode when they got scared. Luckily Whipcream managed to dodge them all. When he saw cookies and Ice cream outside, he thought they were dead and just by touching them he knew it was the Dark Lord’s doing. Whipcream traveled to the magma village by teleporting through the shadow realm and when he arrived it was so hot his sweat was sweating.

So he soon quickly fled to an air conditioned room where he found a teacher. The teacher was very old with slick gray hair and wrinkles as wrinkly as a turtle and also wore an old white tracksuit. The teacher was willing to teach Whipcream to teleport long distances very fast and to jump in the air as well as gaining a huge attack buff that could almost kill an enemy instantly. Whipcream gladly agreed and trained for a long and tiring decade until he was ready.

As he used his new ability to teleport to the desert temple where the Dark Lord was lurking but then he remembered he needed to bring his friends along because as soon as the Dark Lord was defeated his friends would gain conciousness. After getting his friends he swiftly teleported back in under 1 second to defeat him as the world could not take it any longer. Whipcream knew the Dark Lord was strong so he used a special ability called shadow field to give him the upper hand then the Dark Lord appeared

:During the big battle against the Dark Lord, The Dark Lord made a terrifying screech which made Whipecream fall over making him vulnerable. Whipecream lost all hope as the sword of hope had no effect on the Dark Lord because the sword of hope only wielded light powers but then Whipcream used his shadow powers to engulf the darkness allowing him to make the shadow sword. Whipcream then slashed The Darklord from his back when he was not looking with all his might, decapitating the Dark Lord. Blood went everywhere like  fountain spewing water flooding the area but the Dark lord was now defeated.

At the end Whipcream was incredibly happy and went back to fog forest

And woke up Cookie and Icecream. Then all three of them went to Whipcream’s house and had a huge party.

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The Knight And The Magical Map- By Metehan

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The Knight And The Magical Map- By Metehan

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A magical wizard ooze gave Ivan the knight a special gift, a magical map and there was a quest written on it. It was written: protect the princess and the kingdom. The brave knight Ivan raised his sword up in the air and shouted this kingdom belongs to me! I gotta protect the princess next! As he  went to the castle he faced really hard challenges like snakes biting him and monkeys but eventually he reached the castle and he saw a prince in front of the door. Ivan shouted “Let me in or else…” The prince said “Or else what huh what can you do to us hahaha don't waste my time kid i'm on duty and it's going to end soon.” So Ivan walked behind the castle and asked himself how can I get up there? Then a sound said “here!” Ivan thanked him and then realised it was the prince from before so he swung his sword 3 times and when he opened his eyes there was ketchup all over the ground so he thinked of a way to climb up to the castle after thinking he started climbing by his sword. When he almost got up he started to fall. Everything seemed to him in slow motion for a second so before he was falling he held himself with his sword but it only slowed his falling down so he fainted on the ground. After waking up he was in another dimension and there was flying yellow stuff like gold turning around Ivan but when he looked behind him he saw a parkour course so he started jumping without any fear and while jumping to the 3. Block he started falling down. Ivan thought it was the end of the adventure for him so he closed his eyes and waited for it… After waiting for 3 minutes Ivan opened his eyes and he was still falling down he thought that he was in a loop of falling down but he saw land beneath him so he stabbed his sword to the grass and climbed up to the land but he realised that nothing could save him because the land was so tiny like a little island so he kept surviving with the food and water he had for 3 weeks. After eating all of his food and drinking his whole water he gave up and dropped himself down to the gold void but then he saw a land that looked like a throne and he was going to land on a red carpet. It looked really magical like a portal that opens to the world again but he wasn't thinking of it at that moment he was thinking of escaping the gold zone so he thought he would just fall down and break his legs but magically he didn't even hurt himself while falling down. When he looked around with his last energy he said “Food… Water… Please…” so the guardians got him a piece of chicken and an energy drink for him and after he ate the food and drank some water he got up and said “Hi princess why did I fall here and where was I just now?? The princess replied “Dont worry about it, it was a test but now I heard that you got the enemies in our kingdom so you are my new prince now!” Ivan finally made it and said “It's a pleasure to be a prince in your kingdom. Thank you so much for your kind reply.” So the prince went back to the wizard ooze to say that he completed his task but instead of seeing him he saw a big bag filled with money and diamonds Ivan called “O-ozee? Is this mine? There is such a lot of money in here.” When he turned the bag to the other side he saw a note writing for Ivan the bravest knight ever who dared to complete this challenge. So Ivan lived as a prince for the rest of his life and protected the princess at any costs.