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My name is Zen Marks. I am non-binary, and I use the pronouns he/they. I am a musician, an activist, an autistic individual, an educator, and at the core of it all, I am a person. I was born in Albuquerque, New Mexico, and raised in League City, Texas. I am religious, finding myself affiliated with the Theravada branch of Buddhism. My family has a deep love for soccer, with myself playing in a competitive league for eight years, and my little sister being a signed player for a major club for almost five years now. My sister is the biggest part of my life, and even though we are three and a half years apart, she has been my best friend for as long as I can remember. I am a cellist, and even though I chose not to pursue it as a career, it is still a huge part of my life, and the symphony is a part of who I am. I grew up with a lot of classic rock and classical music, developing a love for cinematic music from a very young age. Movies like "Lord of the Rings" and "How to Train Your Dragon" formed my childhood, and books like "Harry Potter" and "A Series of Unfortunate Events" crowned my personality in elementary school. Altogether, I am a person who has always been in love with music and pop culture, and it played a major role in forming the person that I am today. Without further ado, please enjoy the soundtrack of my life, told in my memories and experiences.

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With music being such a prominent piece of my life, many of my most significant experiences have music associated with them. From the peaks of my life to the valleys, this soundtrack is a love letter to the music and the people who made me the person that I am today. While I cried through some of these songs as I added them, I felt that it was important to show the low points of my life as well as the high points. It starts with some of the first music I remember hearing growing up, which becomes the story of my life as I became the person I am today, for better or for worse. The bonus tracks included here are two love letters. "Interlude: Wings" is a song that helped me through receiving corrective surgery in June and re-learning how to walk. This song is a love letter to myself and an acknowledgment that I am proud of how far I have come. "A Moment Apart" is a love letter to my little sister, who has been my rock from day one. This is “our song,” and a reminder to each other than even though we are hundreds of miles apart, we will love each other and care for each other always. As you listen to this, please notice the strong emotions present in each song, and the whiplash of moods and emotions from song to song. While my life presented in this format seems like a rollercoaster, these songs are often a fair number of years apart on a timeline.

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“Bring it on Home” is the first song that I ever remember hearing. I was about five when this memory happened. Driving the county roads home from the little daycare as the sun shone through the trees on a warm September afternoon, my dad and I played air guitar and tried our best to sing along. While we were about as good as you would expect, it is one of my happiest and purest memories. Although the song is difficult to listen to as I grow older, it still holds a very precious place in my heart.

Music Citation:
Grant, Peter. Bring It on Home (Official Audio). YouTube,       YouTube, 31 July 2020, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZnHavrD4vQ. Accessed 20 Sept. 2022.

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Led Zeppelin - Bring It on Home (Official Audio)

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The Battle of the Pelennor Fields By Howard Shore

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The Battle of the Pelennor Fields By Howard Shore

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“The Battle of the Pelennor Fields” is one of my favorite songs to this day. It is an empowering and beautiful piece, and one that gives me the adrenaline I need to get through difficult days. The first movies that I ever remember watching were the Lord of the Rings movies, and there is a scene often referred to as the “Ride of the Rohirrim.” This scene was the basis of my childhood, and I would beg my mom (who was less than pleased that my dad had let me watch these movies) to play the scene over and over. This took place when I was between the ages of five and seven, and to this day I will still look up this scene online whenever I need a good motivational speech from a fictional king.

Music Citation:
Shore, Howard. Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. YouTube, New Line Cinema, 2003, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8t9eL-5wMFc. Accessed 20 Sept. 2022.

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Violin Sonata in A Major, Op. 47 “Kreutzer”: 1. Adagio sostenuto – Presto (excerpt) By Emanuel Ax & Pamela Frank 

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Violin Sonata in A Major, Op. 47 “Kreutzer”: 1. Adagio sostenuto – Presto (excerpt) By Emanuel Ax & Pamela Frank 

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“Violin Sonata in A Major, Op.47” was the first proper classical music that I ever heard, soon followed by “Ode to Joy”, both Beethoven compositions. Both of my parents loved Beethoven, and wanted me to be musical in some capacity, as neither of them had musical education growing up, (excepting my father's brief singing career for a high school rock band). I would pretend to play violin, and my dad would tap out the piano rhythms on the steering wheel on Saturday mornings as we drove to my soccer games or to get breakfast burritos. While this is also an “early childhood” song, it is where I best remember my younger years. From this point on, time will be much more spaced out.

Music Citation:
Rose, Bernard, director. Immortal Beloved. YouTube, Sony Pictures Releasing, 1994, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XXYW-no1RM. Accessed 20 Sept. 2022.

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I. Adagio sostenuto - Presto (excerpt) from Violin Sonata in A Major, Op. 47 "Kreutzer"...

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“Rag and Bone” was my “pump-up” song for soccer events from the time I was nine until I was twelve. While this seems like a small amount of time, it was three times a week for three years. That is a pretty significant amount of one’s life, when you’re not that old. We all liked to sing along and play air guitar, forming our own little family band on family road trips to far-away soccer fields and hotels. My mom played electric bass, I was the lead singer, my dad was the drummer, and my little sister jammed out on the electric guitar. This was the peak of our family, at least to me.

Music Citation:
White, Jack. The White Stripes - Rag and Bone. YouTube, YouTube, 4 May 2009, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epHneMeLyis. Accessed 20 Sept. 2022.

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Ain't No Mountain High Enough By Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell

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Ain't No Mountain High Enough By Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell

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“Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” marked the beginning of my journey into Marvel Comics and movies. My whole family became fast fans of these movies, and they became the topic of every conversation between my dad and me. From seventh grade to my first year of high school, we would leave movie theaters starry-eyed and weak-legged, chattering to each other about our newest theories. While my mom had a keen habit of falling asleep at the movies, we would always catch her up later or watch the movie over and over at home so we could pick out every little detail and reference. Another strong candidate for this place in the soundtrack would have been the theme from the first Avengers movie, as it is one of my favorite cinematic compositions.

Music Citation:
Ashford, Nikolas, and Valerie Simpson. Ain't No Mountain High Enough (Extra HQ) - Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell. YouTube, YouTube, 3 Aug. 2011, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IC5PL0XImjw. Accessed 20 Sept. 2022.

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Ain't No Mountain High Enough (extra HQ) - Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell

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“Light of the Seven” marks the first major tragedy of my life. While my parents had begun a divorce in the fall of my sophomore year, as things finalized in the early months of 2020, my father’s depression and stress from the divorce proceedings got the better of him, and he committed suicide. We lost our childhood home forever and lived at my grandmother’s home for the next six months. People at my high school began to spread rumors that I was the reason he killed himself, and the bullying that would remain for the rest of high school took off with a start. My entire world went up in flames over the course of that six months, and even after we secured a house close by, nothing would ever be the same.

Music Citation:
Djawadi, Ramin. Light of the Seven. YouTube, YouTube, 14 Mar. 2019, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60xrQTUPies. Accessed 20 Sept. 2022.

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“Mikrokosmos” is nothing if not a song for healing. It got me through some of my absolute darkest times following the death of my father and helped me to start over and maintain my sanity during the first COVID lockdown. As I did my entire junior year of high school from home, it kept me company in the loneliest moments and told me that everything was going to be okay. This was also one of the only songs that my dad liked from this band, he begged me to shut everything else off. So, in a messed-up kind of way, I guess this reminded me that he wasn’t gone, even though he wasn’t here with me anymore.

Music Citation:
Kim, Namjoon, et al. 소우주 (Mikrokosmos). YouTube, YouTube, 12 Apr. 2019, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fw7C6IsDYgI. Accessed 20 Sept. 2022.

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“Feeling Good” is a silly entry in comparison to the rest of these, but it helped me get comfortable with not feeling like I had to try to fit in, and that there was value in being myself. It also gave me the courage to try and teach myself to sing. While I’m still not the greatest at it, singing has become a great way for me to express myself and make a little noise when my world is too quiet. I also listened to this song a lot as I applied for colleges, and let it motivate me to find value in whatever came next, even if it was rejection.

Music Citation:
“Michael Bublé - Feeling Good [Official 4K Remastered Music Video].” Performance by Michael Bublé, YouTube, YouTube, 26 Oct. 2009, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Edwsf-8F3sI. Accessed 20 Sept. 2022.

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Michael Bublé - Feeling Good [Official 4K Remastered Music Video]

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“DNA.” is where things shifted to reflect who I am today. Bullying in high school was rough, and after experiencing sexual assault and taking the mental time to put the pieces of myself back together, I got a lot meaner. I did not turn on people and become the bully, but I stopped letting people walk all over me and make me feel guilty for not dropping everything to help them or give them answers. “DNA.” became my power song, and I let it propel me with intensity and passion through the rest of senior year.

Music Citation:
“Kendrick Lamar - DNA.” Performance by Kendrick Lamar, YouTube, YouTube, 18 Apr. 2017, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NLZRYQMLDW4. Accessed 20 Sept. 2022.

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“Daechwita” is the culmination of who I am today. A song that poses the comparison of rags to riches, both characters aggressive and passionate to get what they want and lashing out at those who have mistreated them in the past. A song that declares “I am a king, and your doom will be to watch me flourish.” As I left senior year, this was the approach that I took, as I left behind those who mistreated me. I became proud in who I am, what I do, and what I am passionate about, I took steps to better myself through medical treatment, therapy, and standing up to my family who had been devaluing me for some time. By doing these things, I stepped into the shoes of the person I am today.

Music Citation:
“Agust D '대취타' MV.” Performance by Yoongi Min, YouTube, YouTube, 22 May 2020, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGjAWJ2zWWI. Accessed 20 Sept. 2022.

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Bonus Track One: Interlude: Wings By BTS

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Bonus Track One: Interlude: Wings By BTS

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“Interlude: Wings” got me through what was to be the best summer ever, the summer of freedom following my senior year. I had been struggling to walk throughout high school and thought that my constant fatigue was a sign that I was out of shape. After school ended, I finally decided to get my leg checked out before I left on a trip to visit family in Albuquerque. I discovered through that MRI that I had been walking on a torn meniscus for over five years. With the trip cancelled, I went into surgery less than a month later. The surgery had aggressive complications, and instead of being back to walking with minimal restrictions in a week, I was unable to walk for almost three months. As I began the journey towards walking again, this song kept me going and reminded me that there is happiness after the darkness, and that I will run and dance again.

Music Citation:
Kim, Namjoon, et al. Interlude : Wings. YouTube, YouTube, 2 Jan. 2018, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FeSmZ3HcqXQ. Accessed 20 Sept. 2022.

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Bonus Track Two: A Moment Apart By ODESZA

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Bonus Track Two: A Moment Apart By ODESZA

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“A Moment Apart” is my sister and I’s song. We enjoy “bickering” over who loves the other more, and as we heard the lyrics to this song for the first time, it was an immediate fit. It became something that reminded us that I moved away to college that regardless of distance, we will love each other, even if we can’t see each other as much as we would like. I still listen to it when I miss her, and I know that she does the same.

Music Citation:
“ODESZA - A Moment Apart.” Performance by ODESZA Odeszamusic, YouTube, YouTube, 8 Sept. 2017, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xarC5jAiO7w. Accessed 20 Sept. 2022.

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Something that I appreciated about this assignment was being able to look back on my life through music and examine how music has helped shape identity. I also valued being able to look back on music that I haven’t listened to in a while and being able to experience the emotions connected to that music. Sinking into the nostalgia that it provided was a welcome break from some of the stress I have been experiencing recently. This assignment allowed me to practice active mindfulness, to breathe, and to reflect on the journey I have gone through to get to where I am today. Additionally, it was an interesting experience to see how music has reflected my emotional and mental state throughout my life, and how the elements within that music further contributed to the emotions that I was feeling at the time. Something I discovered about myself is that as I have gotten older, I have sought out intensity in music, both in instrumentals and in vocals. Additionally, I hope that people use this soundtrack to learn a little bit more about me and my tastes in music. I would also hope that others use it to examine the story of my life and how music has played such a strong part in retaining memories and experiences for me.