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Lisa: Are 'PLAYDATES' ruining child's play?

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Lisa: Are 'PLAYDATES' ruining child's play?

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Banish the playdate? Stay-at-home dad and blogger Chris Bernholdt has sparked a debate over that hallowed 21st-century parenting tradition: the playdate. The father of three argues that playdates are just another sign of how modern life is ruining childhood by overcomplicating something that should be, well, child's play.

He points out that children should not need an Outlook calender to engage in free play, that the kind of back-and-forth texting wormhole many of us parents enter on a weekly basis is stifling the spirit of joy and spontaneity that should suffuse the notion of play. His house is a strictly a no-playdate zone, a controversial stance that has earned him visits to the "Today" show and "Good Morning America."

I find myself torn over the issue, because I agree with the notion that we are overscheduling our children to unhealthy levels. I, too, bemoan the need for structuring and formalizing things that should come naturally.

I know I felt a lot of pressure to enroll my daughter into preschool, and now I feel the drumbeat of anxiety over whether or not she is taking enough prep classes. At 4, she currently takes phonics and preschool and is about to start math, but I know several mothers who think missing out on science is a tragedy. Never too early to pave the way for a career in science, they say. There's also swimming and music and gymnastics, and if you don't sign up for all of them, you definitely get the sense that you aren't providing enough "enrichment."

So I find it very appealing to return to a nostalgic vision of childhood where kids just hopped on their bikes and zoomed off down the street to play. I fondly remember that kind of freedom and frivolity myself. We didn't need apps or goody bags to keep us amused, which was surely better for developing a sense of creativity as well as a feeling of independence. We thought of our own games, from making mud pies to hide-and-seek, and it never occurred to us that we would need stimulation from adults or gadgets.

On the other hand, as a working mom who never seems to get her to-do list entirely done, I am not sure how practical this strategy is. Daphne is still too little to let her run off to the park by herself. And if we don't plan ahead and schedule time with her little BFFs, we don't see them. Everyone else is just as busy as we are.

There's a selfish side to playdates as well. It's a chance for mommies to get together and chat while the toddlers play on their own. In good weather, we might meet at a park or at Happy Hollow Park & Zoo. In bad weather, a place like Super Franks with its clever attractions (zip line for the kiddos, leather chairs for the parents) can be quite appealing. I confess that I enjoy my mommy posse, and I would hate to give it up.

That's the part of the playdate scenario that seems grounded in primal human behavior to me. Women have always gathered to chat while they went about their business, be that gathering berries or washing clothes by the river. We instinctively adopt an it-takes-a-village model to raising children, which I think is beneficial for them as well as us. Parents can trade toddler tips and tricks while the wee ones cavort nearby. At their best, playdates engender a feeling of community and belonging beyond the family network.

For the record, I agree with Bernholdt that playdate etiquette can be too formal if you are playing host at your home. There's a minefield of expectations about appropriate toys (Is the "Frozen" fervor over yet? please!) and snacks (some kids gets Cheetos, some get carrots) that takes time to tiptoe through if you are just getting to know a family. That's why I think meetups are often best held outside the home where no one has to stress about picking the Flarp (don't ask!) out of the carpet afterward. Casualness is key. If you are working too hard to make a playdate fun, you are doing it wrong. I say set out some bubble stuff and a ball and call it a day.

At the end of the day, while I sympathize with Bernholdt's fears about our ever-more-hectic society eroding the pleasures of childhood, I think he may be targeting the wrong villain. If we want to rescue childhood from the hyper-pace of postmodern life, I say we keep the playdates and throw out the iPhones.

Contact Karen D'Souza at 408-271-3772. Read her at www.mercurynews.com/karen-dsouza, and follow her at Twitter.com/karendsouza4.

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Banish the playdate? Stay-at-home dad and blogger Chris Bernholdt has sparked a debate over that hallowed 21st-century parenting tradition: the playdate. The father of three argues that playdates are just another sign of how modern life is ruining childhood by overcomplicating something that should be, well, child's play.

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Children and Nature Network

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Regular time outdoors helps children thrive.

But over the past few generations, childhood has moved indoors. On average, today's kids spend up to 44 hours per week in front of a screen, and less than 10 minutes a day playing outdoors. And for too many kids, regular and safe access to nature is determined by race, income, identity, ability and postal code.

We support a global movement of leaders working to turn the trend of an indoor childhood back out to the benefits of nature - and to make sure that all children have equitable access to outdoor spaces where they can learn, play and grow.

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Children and Nature Network. Helping Children Thrive - Outside | C&NN

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But over the past few generations, childhood has moved indoors. On average, today's kids spend up to 44 hours per week in front of a screen, and less than 10 minutes a day playing outdoors. And for too many kids, regular and safe access to nature is determined by race, income, identity, ability and postal code.

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Last Child in the Woods

Saving Our Children from Nature-Deficit Disorder

In this influential work about the staggering divide between children and the outdoors, child advocacy expert Richard Louv directly links the lack of nature in the lives of today's wired generation-he calls it nature-deficit-to some of the most disturbing childhood trends, such as the rises in obesity, attention disorders, and depression.

Last Child in the Woods is the first book to bring together a new and growing body of research indicating that direct exposure to nature is essential for healthy childhood development and for the physical and emotional health of children and adults. More than just raising an alarm, Louv offers practical solutions and simple ways to heal the broken bond-and many are right in our own backyard.

This new edition reflects the enormous changes that have taken place since the book was originally published. It includes:

100 actions you can take to create change in your community, school, and family.

35 discussion points to inspire people of all ages to talk about the importance of nature in their lives.

A new progress report by the author about the growing Leave No Child Inside movement.

New and updated research confirming that direct exposure to nature is essential for the physical and emotional health of children and adults.

Last Child in the Woods: Saving our Children from Nature Deficit Disorder has spurred a national dialogue among educators, health professionals, parents, developers and conservationists. This is a book that will change the way you think about your future and the future of your children.

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Last Child in the Woods - Overview - Richard Louv

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Last Child in the Woods In this influential work about the staggering divide between children and the outdoors, child advocacy expert Richard Louv directly links the lack of nature in the lives of today's wired generation-he calls it nature-deficit-to some of the most disturbing childhood trends, such as the rises in obesity, attention disorders, and depression.

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Studies show that children of today have less and less time in nature.  This "nature deficit" will affect our young children as they grow.  Consider reading LAST CHILD IN THE WOODS, by Richard Louv to learn more.  We've started No Child Left Indoors on Friday nights and Saturday mornings in our building.

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Studies show that children of today have less and less time in nature.  This "nature deficit" will affect our young children as they grow.  Consider reading LAST CHILD IN THE WOODS, by Richard Louv to learn more.  We've started No Child Left Indoors on Friday nights and Saturday mornings in our building.