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Children’s language development and parenting advice - BBC Tiny Happy People

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Tiny Happy People is here to help you develop your child's language skills. Explore our simple activities and play ideas and find out about babies and toddlers' amazing early development.

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Children’s language development and parenting advice - BBC Tiny Happy People

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A chatty child is a happy child, so Tiny Happy People is here to help you develop your child’s communication skills through simple interaction and play.

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A Parents/Carers introduction to NumBots

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Get the kids into the kitchen and turn them into little chefs with the BBC's easy and fun cooking projects and simple meals. They'll love tasting their handiwork.

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Get the kids into the kitchen and turn them into little chefs with our easy and fun cooking projects and simple meals. They'll love tasting their handiwork.

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6 Types of Picky Eaters—And How to Get Them to Eat

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6 Types of Picky Eaters—And How to Get Them to Eat

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Kids shun their food for many reasons. To end your dinner-table battles, you’ll need to know which kind of picky eater you’re dealing with. Our low-stress strategies can help make mealtime easier.

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Eavesdrop on a group of preschool parents chatting at the playground and chances are you'll hear complaints about picky eating. Turned-up noses and mealtime standoffs are common for kids between the ages of 2 and 5. But that doesn't mean all finicky kids are dealing with the same issues.

Here are six of the most common picky-eater "types," plus expert advice on how to address the problem, because figuring out just what makes your choosy eater gag will start you both on a path to happier meals.

Picky Eater #1: The Regressor

You were the just-a-little-bit-smug parent who humble-bragged about how well your baby ate. Then, suddenly, at age 2, they lost all interest in previously loved foods, and mealtimes became power struggles. Was all that palate training in vain?

What's Going On: Studies show that the more flavors babies try, the more likely they are to enjoy a wide variety of foods when they get older-but that means when they're approaching double digits and beyond. By the time they're 18 months, you should expect the unexpected. One reason is that kids' appetites vary because their growth rate slows dramatically. "Your child may eat a lot at one meal and very little at another, and that's OK," says Katja Rowell, M.D., a childhood-feeding specialist and author of Helping Your Child With Extreme Picky Eating.

Melanie Potock, a pediatric speech-language pathologist, feeding specialist, and author of Adventures in Veggieland, adds, "At this age, a child learns that he has a lot of control over his parents' behavior, and that can be fun!" Rejecting foods is one way to exert their toddler power.

What To Do About It: When your child rejects foods they loved the day before, you'll be tempted to cross them off the dinner list. Don't! "He may come back to them next week or month (or year) but only if you keep them in your repertoire," says Dr. Rowell. The key to turning the tide is to keep things chill. That means not pressuring your kid to take a bite but still serving the food in new ways.

Picky Eater# 2: The Flavor Hater

Your 2-year-old will eat only über-plain foods like bread and butter, crackers, and cereal with milk. Once in a blue moon, you can coax them to eat a few bites of scrambled eggs, but the process is exhausting. Are you destined to serve only bland foods forever?

What's Going On: Many toddlers have a natural aversion to strongly flavored foods, and that's actually an evolutionary advantage. When our ancestors were old enough to wander away from their cave-parents, it would have been disastrous if they tried every leaf in the landscape. So kids get choosier as they become more mobile, especially when it comes to bold, bitter flavors (veggies, we're looking at you). And when kids start to get picky, it's easy for parents to offer mostly simple, bland food. "However, if you cater to those preferences, children are less likely to expand beyond this limited range of flavors," notes Karen Le Billon, food educator and author of Getting to Yum.

What To Do About It: Instead of sticking with the guaranteed wins every day, try to slowly train your child's taste buds to enjoy more complex flavors. If your kid likes pasta with butter, offer it with olive oil. Once that's accepted, add some Parmesan cheese. "When I introduced a Thai curry chicken to my daughters, I used more coconut milk at first, then gradually upped the curry," says Le Billon. You don't need to announce these changes. But if your kid asks, you shouldn't lie. Le Billon adds, " Kids learn by imitation and are also reassured when their parents are obviously enjoying the same food."

Of course, not all kids will attempt a new taste no matter how you prepare it, so let them get comfortable by smelling, touching, and licking foods first. "Involving your child with meal prep helps because she'll get to experience the food without having to eat it," notes Potock. "Crafting with food is another fun way to explore it. Build a house with asparagus or create a broccoli jungle. It's also a great idea to pick up a set of small spoons, which give kids more control when they do decide they're ready to try a bite."

Picky Eater #3: The Guzzler

Your 3-year-old would much rather drink than eat. Then they drink mostly milk throughout the day. You think it's just a phase, and hey, at least they're drinking milk! But they aren't very interested in solid foods at mealtime.

What's Going On: "This is a common issue because young children have one priority: playing! It's much quicker to gulp down a drink than to sit and eat at the table," says Potock. "Since parents consider milk to be nutritious, they don't worry about serving plenty of it. Then, suddenly, their kid is in the habit of drinking milk all day." While milk is a healthy drink option, it can fill your kid up, which means they're less likely to eat a wide and varied diet. It's a good idea to check in with your pediatrician if your child is a liquid lover. "Some children who prefer liquids have an undetected tongue tie or motor delays that make it difficult to bite or chew," notes Potock.

What To Do About It: Once those issues are ruled out, rethink your beverage routine. Give your child a small cup of milk only at mealtime. If they drink all the milk first, next time give them a little water with the meal instead, and then the milk after they eat, Potock recommends. You can also discuss with your pediatrician if you should offer your child a nutrition shake like PediaSure Grow & Gain with their breakfast if they prefer to sip instead of eat, so they get a variety of essential nutrients. Between meals, water is the way to go.

And since your child's preference for drinks probably means they're eager to get up from the table, it may also be helpful to set a timer for seven to 10 minutes and ask them to sit with the family for just that long. Then they can go play, whether or not they have eaten or everyone else is finished. You can gradually add minutes to their table time.

Picky Eater #4: The Super Feeler

Your 2-year-old has big-time texture hang-ups. They think carrots are too hard, yogurt is too slimy, and cucumbers are too smooth. It seems like every meal is a struggle to find foods that they'll tolerate.

What's Going On: Discomfort with textures is a typical problem for good reason: "Young kids have a wide range in chewing ability," says Le Billon. "Their teeth, jaws, and surrounding muscles are still developing, and they may not feel in control when some foods are in their mouth. So they reject them."

What To Do About It: Proper seating can be a big help. "Young children can chew more effectively when their core muscles are supported by their feet," Le Billon explains, "so give your child a stool to rest her feet on when sitting at the table instead of letting them dangle." (Or invest in a junior chair that can live at the table. We like the IKEA Urban Junior Chair.)

And experiment with different textures. Instead of serving either raw or mushy veggies, try blanching them for a happy medium, Potock suggests. Drop them into boiling water for a few minutes, then transfer them to a bowl of ice water. This process makes the veggies tender, with just a little crunch. Then cut them into very small cubes and start by asking your child to put a bite on their molars. "Children feel safer if they can feel the food against their teeth," she notes. "And the flavor won't be as intense and overwhelming as it is on their tongue, where all the taste buds are."

If chewy meat is an unpleasant texture for your child, bake, roast, or use a slow cooker or a pressure cooker so meats are melt-in-your-mouth soft. Beef or turkey meatballs can be a good option, too, as long as they are very moist. Serve gravy or sauce on the side if your child prefers to dip.

Picky Eater #5: The Gagger

Your 4-year-old eats a grand total of seven foods. When you're successful in persuading them to try something new, they always gag -which is unpleasant for both of you. It makes them less likely to try new foods and you less likely to serve them.

What's Going On: For many kids, gagging can be a sign that mealtime has gotten too stressful. Your child may be having a dramatic reaction to efforts to "get" them to eat. Dr. Rowell adds, "If he has had difficult, unpleasant, or painful experiences related to food, such as severe reflux, constipation, a scary choking episode, or coercive and forceful feeding, that can be a factor too."

However, frequent gagging could also be a red flag that your child has oral-motor or sensory issues. Oral-motor skills refer to a child's ability to move their lips, jaw, tongue, and facial muscles in an age-appropriate manner. "If your child has a sensory issue, he may either under- or overreact to a sense," Potock explains. "He may think he needs to stuff his cheeks with food in order to truly feel it in his mouth or gag at the slightest change in texture."

What To Do About It: To explore whether your child has an oral-motor or sensory issue, talk to your pediatrician. A referral to an occupational therapist, a speech-language pathologist, or a pediatric dietitian who specialize in feeding difficulties may be the next step. Known as feeding therapists, these pros will review your child's feeding history, growth, and development and evaluate their eating behaviors and skills in various situations. They may coach you on how to help them at home-or work with them directly with techniques that should be both gentle and fun-to gradually overcome any challenges. (Many insurance plans cover this treatment.)

If you rule out an oral-motor or sensory problem, try involving your child with the food at the table without any pressure. One of Potock's favorite strategies is to make your child the family's "master server." Rather than passing serving bowls around, put them in front of them with a big serving spoon and a smaller spoon in each dish. Have your child ask each family member, "Do you want one scoop or two? A big scoop or a small scoop?" then put the requested amount on each person's plate. "This way, he's exposed to the food through his eyes, ears, and nose before ever tasting it," Potock says. "The added sensory exposure may help pique his curiosity and make mealtime fun instead of stressful. Plus, with a small spoon as an option, a child is more likely to put a little on his own plate."

Picky Eater #6: The Untouchable

Your toddler likes a variety of flavors (phew!), but they're extremely picky about how their food is presented. Heaven forbid they're served a casserole! They'll eat only if every ingredient is in a separate small pile on their plate with not a millimeter touching.

What's Going In: When your child prefers dishes deconstructed, is insistent about the way a food is cut up, or doesn't want foods to touch, it's usually a control issue, Potock says. " It often starts with some anxiety -maybe they're nervous about starting preschool or excited about an upcoming holiday-so they already have butterflies in their stomach when they sit down to eat," she notes. "The way for her to calm down is to gain control by saying, 'I want it this way.' When you respond accordingly, it makes her feel better, and the habit is born."

What To Do About It: Serving food the way your child wants it is OK, and that can help the whole family eat the same meal (win!). But help them move beyond the deconstruction zone by explaining that everyone needs a tiny bit of taco or lasagna on their plate. Have them assemble the taco on a tiny piece of shell or serve themselves a dab of the lasagna so they have the sensory experience of handling the combined food. Don't insist they eat it, but it has to be on their plate so they get used to what it looks like. If they get upset, just stay calm and say, "We all have tacos on our plate tonight," and ask them about their latest playdate or their new pet fish. Sometimes not talking about food at the table is the best way to ensure happy meals.

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6 Types of Picky Eaters-And How to Get Them to Eat

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Discover tips and tricks for navigating meal time with picky eaters. Learn how to make meal time enjoyable for everyone and get your picky eaters to try new foods.

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How to help my Fussy Eater.

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It's natural to worry whether your child is getting enough food if they refuse to eat sometimes.
But it's perfectly normal for toddlers to refuse to eat or even taste new foods.

Do not worry about what your child eats in a day or if they do not eat everything at mealtimes. It's more helpful to think about what they eat over a week.

If your child is active and gaining weight, and they seem well, then they're getting enough to eat.

As long as your child eats some food from the 4 main food groups (fruit and vegetables; potatoes, bread, rice, pasta and other starchy carbohydrates; dairy or dairy alternatives; and beans, pulses, fish, eggs, meat and other proteins) you do not need to worry. Find out more about what to feed young children.

Gradually introduce other foods and keep going back to the foods your child did not like before. Children's tastes change. One day they'll hate something, but a month later they may love it.

Keep offering a variety of foods - it may take lots of attempts before your child accepts some foods.

Tips for parents of fussy eaters

Give your child the same food as the rest of the family, but remember not to add salt to your child's food. Check the label of any food product you use to make family meals.

The best way for your child to learn to eat and enjoy new foods is to copy you. Try to eat with them as often as you can.

Give small portions and praise your child for eating, even if they only eat a little.

If your child rejects the food, do not force them to eat it. Just take the food away without saying anything. Try to stay calm, even if it's very frustrating. Try the food again another time.

Do not leave meals until your child is too hungry or tired to eat.

Your child may be a slow eater, so be patient.

Do not give your child too many snacks between meals - 2 healthy snacks a day is plenty.

Do not to use food as a reward. Your child may start to think of sweets as nice and vegetables as nasty. Instead, reward them with a trip to the park or promise to play a game with them.

Make mealtimes enjoyable and not just about eating. Sit down and chat about other things.

If you know any other children of the same age who are good eaters, ask them round for tea. But do not talk too much about how good the other children are.

Ask an adult that your child likes and looks up to to eat with you. Sometimes a child will eat for someone else, such as a grandparent, without any fuss.

Changing how you serve a food may make it more appealing. For example, your child might refuse cooked carrots but enjoy raw grated carrot.

Further information

Video: How do I manage a fussy eater? (18 to 30 months)

This video explains how to manage a fussy eater.

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Read advice and tips for parents of fussy eaters or children who have problems with eating.

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What to expect in the Early Years Foundation Stage: a guide for parents

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What to expect in the Early Years Foundation Stage: a guide for parents

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Concerned your child at Milwards may have special educational needs?

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Concerned your child at Milwards may have special educational needs?

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This board has links to songs that we sing in class. Why don't you let us sing them for you.

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Using a potty is a new skill for your child to learn. It's best to take it slowly and go at your child's pace. Being patient with them will help them get it right, even if you sometimes feel frustrated.

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Learn the signs that your child may be ready to start potty training, and how to teach your child to use a potty.

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Toileting in children with additional needs

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Toileting in children with additional needs

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Toilet training should start at the same age for all children. For children with additional needs, toilet training is likely to take longer and need more practice, but the majority of children should be able to achieve some degree of toileting with time.

Some children won’t ever show signs of readiness but that doesn’t mean that they won’t ever be able to use a toilet. Many children with autism and developmental delays will not show the usual signs, but are able to toilet train with a calm, consistent and sustained approach.

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Toilet training should start at the same age for all children. For children with additional needs, toilet training is likely to take longer and need more practice, but the majority of children should be able to achieve some degree of toileting with time.

Some children won't ever show signs of readiness but that doesn't mean that they won't ever be able to use a toilet. Many children with autism and developmental delays will not show the usual signs, but are able to toilet train with a calm, consistent and sustained approach.

Your child should drink 6-8 glasses of water per day (this can be flavoured but choose sugar-free options). This will help their bladder and bowel stay healthy.

Eating a Balanced diet with fruit and vegetables will help your child get the fibre they need to form healthy poos.

Keep your child active. This will help keep the bowels active.

For information on constipation please click here.

If you don't already, start by changing your child in the bathroom standing up, this can be the first link for them that weeing and pooing is managed in the bathroom.

Communicate with your child about wees and poos and the toilet in a way they will understand, using picture cards, books or animations.

Encourage your child to help with un dressing, wiping, and flushing, washing and drying hands. Do this as part of their daily routine.

When accidents happen, try not to make a big fuss. Praise even the smallest of achievements.

The workshop below has lots of useful information and resources to help you with starting to toilet train your child.

Please see the Continence Management Workshop below:

We can help you with Bladder and Bowel assessments if required, please Click here for bladder and bowel assessment form. This will give us the information we need to put a toileting plan together for you and identify any issues that need addressing.

We can refer on to other specialities such as Occupational therapist.

We can give telephone advice.

We can Signpost you to support websites and information.

For some children toilet training is unlikely to be possible and in this case it's our priority to then find the right product that will keep the child most comfortable. We will then provide a product assessment and referral to the continence product service.

There are many health professional that are here to help and support you if you are struggling with Toilet training.

If your child has additional needs and attends a Special Needs School you can contact:

Alternatively if you child is pre-school age or attends a mainstream school you can call 0 300 029 50 50 or text 07520 649887

Bladder and bowel UK and ERIC are fantastic Charities that have websites that as professionals we use to help guide and support us in our knowledge and advice. But the information is there for you as families also so if you need further information please visit these websites:

Fledglings are a non-profit shop that helps families with disabled children by supplying products and equipment that help with everyday challenges. They have lots of toileting aids and equipment

https://www.fledglings.org.uk/

For advice around finding the right product for your child please visit:

https://www.tena.co.uk/children/why-tena/the-best-care-solutions

Additional information that may be of interest:

Sleep for children with additional needs

Being healthy and active

Delivering excellence in Children and Young People's Services:
a partnership between Cambridgeshire Community Services NHS Trust
and Cambridgeshire and Peterborough NHS Foundation Trust

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Toileting in children with additional needs

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Toileting in children with additional needs

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Understanding and responding to behaviour4-8 years

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Understanding and responding to behaviour4-8 years

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Being a parent or carer of young children can be an incredibly rewarding experience, but it can also be a bit of a rollercoaster. Parenting is often described as a journey, with different stages that present different rewards and challenges along the way. Sometimes you overcome these challenges quite easily but other times you might need some advice.

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Many parents tell us they’re not always confident in dealing with challenging aspects of their 4-8 year old’s behaviour, so here’s our guide to help with this.

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If you're experiencing challenging behaviour from your child or young person, Young Minds have tips for what you can do and where to get help.

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Parenting is an incredibly rewarding and challenging experience.

At times, it can feel like a real roller coaster of emotions - particularly if your child or young person is behaving in ways that feel difficult to manage or understand.

If your child's behaviour is challenging at the moment, it might feel exhausting. But things can change. With support, both of you can experience a more positive family life. On this page, we've got lots of ideas and strategies to help you deal with difficult moments.

What is challenging behaviour?

Most children and young people will behave in challenging ways at some point. Feeling upset, angry, stressed or disappointed is a normal part of life. Because we develop our ability to manage our emotions as we grow up, children and young people do sometimes act out when they're going through big feelings. In response to their emotions, they may display a range of behaviours. It's normal for younger children to hit or 'have a tantrum' sometimes. And it's normal for teenagers to shout, lash out or storm out sometimes. Most children and teenagers will also push boundaries as they test their independence.

But sometimes, challenging behaviour can become more frequent and difficult to deal with. It may start to have an impact on someone's day-to-day quality of life, on relationships and learning at school, and on other family members.

Examples of challenging behaviour include:

having lots of angry outbursts or 'tantrums'

regularly shouting, swearing, hitting, biting or kicking

kicking, hitting, smashing or damaging things in the home

regularly refusing boundaries and routines, including not wanting to respond to reasonable requests

being impulsive and taking physical risks

blaming others for their behaviour

bullying or being unkind towards others

persistently getting into trouble at school

refusing to engage in conversations about what's going on

Why do children and young people behave in challenging ways?

An iceberg submerged in water, with the text 'When we seem angry or aggressive, there are often other feelings hidden under the surface'. The words Angry and Aggressive are displayed on the section of the iceberg above the water, and the words Worried, Hurt, Scared, Lonely, Stressed, Overwhelmed, Ashamed, Ignored, Sad are displayed on the iceberg below the water.

The way your child behaves is a communication about how they're feeling.

When your child is acting out, it can be helpful to think about the image of an iceberg. We only see the top of an iceberg because most of it is underwater. Similarly, when your child is behaving in challenging ways, there will be feelings going on under the surface that you cannot see. Your child may not be aware of these feelings and may need your help to talk about them.

Underneath their behaviour, a child or young person may be feeling angry, tired, stressed, anxious, confused, hurt, jealous, bored or something else. Whatever's going on, try to remember that the behaviour you see on the surface is not the whole story.

Talking to your child about their behaviour

If your child is acting out, starting a conversation about what's going on can often feel like the hardest bit. Your child might not want to talk, or they might find it hard to recognise that there is a problem.

Starting a conversation while doing an activity together is a good strategy to try. This can help your child to relax by making it feel like less of a 'big chat'. Depending on your child's age, you could go for a walk, cook or bake together, or do something creative like colouring. Or you could start a conversation while travelling somewhere together.

If your child cannot talk at the moment, you could start a conversation by text or write them a letter instead.

Whether you're talking in-person or in another way, our tips below can help you to have a positive conversation with your child.

Try to use simple phrases such as:

"I notice there is a lot of shouting happening."

"I think something might be upsetting you."

"I feel worried you're not happy."

"I need you to know you can talk to me about what's going on."

Be specific about the behaviour you have noticed, without using labels or negative words such as 'naughty', 'bad behaviour' or 'horrible'.

Tell your child that it's normal to feel angry, frustrated or upset, but it's not okay to express it in this way.

Helping your child to manage their behaviour

Having some behaviour management strategies in mind can help you to feel more confident. Below are some things you can try to help your child manage their behaviour. Have a go at some different strategies until you find what works for you and your child. Be patient if new strategies do not seem to work straightaway. It often does take a bit of time for change to happen, and for your child to get used to things.

Remembering to explain why can help - so rather than just shouting 'sit down' at the table, I try to let them know that I'd like them to sit down so we can enjoy eating and that we can go and play when we've finished.

Challenging behaviour is exhausting and demoralising. In our family it often leads to everyone feeling less positive and only picking out the negative behaviours, which is so hard not to do. When we notice that we have all gotten stuck in a negative rut, we make an effort to pick up on and name some positives, however small, and this helps us move through a difficult time.

Depending on their age, some of these strategies might help your child to calm down:

drawing or painting

doing something active like running or their favourite sport

listening to music

having some time alone

reading a book

writing

cooking or baking

making something out of playdough or Lego

Having a list of coping strategies will help them to build up a bank of tools they can use when they're struggling.

Reading stories together that talk about feelings has helped my child get used to the words - giving them a way to talk about positive and difficult things.

It's completely normal to feel frustrated, angry, overwhelmed or hurt when your child is behaving in challenging ways. But try not to react or argue back, as this will only escalate the situation.

If you feel yourself running out of patience and it is safe to do so, it's okay to walk away for a few minutes to calm down. This is actually a positive strategy your child can learn from you when they see you doing it. After a particular incident, make sure both of you have some space before you try to talk about what has happened.

Finding professional support for your child

A counsellor or therapist can support your child to understand and manage their feelings and behaviour. Counsellors working with younger children will usually do this through play and arts activities.

Have a look at our guide to counselling and therapy to find out how you can access services in your area.

Be open with the school about the challenges you are experiencing and ask them for advice. Lots of primary and secondary schools provide extra support like mentoring, pastoral check-ins, learning support, peer buddying, and clubs and activities.

Whether they are at primary or secondary school, you might have noticed that something at school is triggering your child's behaviour. This could be their relationships with their peers, their schoolwork or learning, or the school environment. If this is the case, work with the school to address this. You can find information and advice to help you do this in our guide to school anxiety.

If you are worried that your child is behaving in challenging ways because they are struggling with their mental health, it's a good idea to speak to a GP. If you have a younger child, you can speak to the GP yourself to get information and advice. If you have a teenager, you can encourage them to make an appointment or ask them to go to an appointment with you.

The GP can discuss what's happening and make suggestions for what might help. They can also make a referral to the NHS mental health service for children and young people, called CAMHS.

You can find out more about how GPs can help in our guide to getting support from the GP.

Sometimes, children and young people behave in challenging ways when they have an additional need, neurodiverse condition, learning disability or developmental difficulty that has not been recognised. This can include dyslexia, dyspraxia, autism, ADHD, or difficulties hearing or speaking. In this situation, they may be acting out because their needs are not understood at home or school.

If you think your child might have an additional need, speak to your GP, or to your child's teacher, pastoral lead or SENCO. They can make a referral for an assessment. It's helpful to make a log of the behaviour you have noticed so that you can provide evidence when communicating with professionals.

If your child is diagnosed with an additional need, you can ask the professionals supporting them about parenting strategies that will best suit them.

You can find out more about the support available in our guide to getting mental health support.

Looking after yourself

Supporting a child who is behaving in challenging ways can be an exhausting task. If things are tough at the moment, don't be hard on yourself or your abilities as a parent. While it's normal to feel upset when your child is acting out, often it is not about you. Like us, children and young people take things out on those they feel closest to and safest with. So try not to take it personally. Keep doing the things that help you re-charge and ask for support when you need it.

You might also find it helpful to reach out to other parents. It can be very reassuring to hear what they are struggling with and how they handle difficult situations. They can also be someone who gets it when you need to talk.

You can connect with other parents by:

reaching out to family and friends

accessing peer and group parent support through Parenting Mental Health

joining Facebook groups or other online groups

setting up your own parent support group using our guide

You might also find helpful...

Useful helplines and websites

While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.
This page was reviewed in July 2023. It was created with parents and carers with lived experience of supporting their child or young person with challenging behaviour. We will next review the page in 2026. YoungMinds is a proud member of PIF TICK - the UK's quality mark for trusted health information.
Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If your child is in crisis right now and you want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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Challenging Behaviour | Parents' Guide To Support

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Read our advice on what to do about your child or young person's challenging behaviour, including behaviour management strategies to help you deal with it.

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Have a look on this phonics board for ideas for some phonic activities you could do with your child.

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Find out about the reception baseline.

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In the first half-term of their Reception year, children take part in classroom-based assessment. We take a look at what's involved.

If you've heard that your new Reception starter will be assessed in their first few weeks of school, it's natural to worry about whether they'll 'measure up' at this early stage of their education. But the Reception Baseline Assessment (RBA) is actually an enjoyable, no-pressure way of gauging the skills and knowledge of the whole class at the start of their primary school journey, and your child is unlikely to know they're even doing it.

Here are seven things every parent should know about the RBA.

1. It's not a test

The RBA takes place within their first six weeks of Reception, but if alarm bells are ringing at the thought of your tiny four- or five-year-old being tested, try not to worry.

"The word 'assessment' can conjure up images or memories of exam halls, silence and a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach," says Claire Harnden, Deputy CEO at South Farnham Educational Trust and advisor to the Department for Education for the RBA.

But the RBA is very informal, with the teacher and child sitting together to complete simple, enjoyable activities. "It's good to remember that the root of the word 'assessment' is 'to sit beside', and that is exactly what the RBA looks like," Claire explains.

The RBA is not used to judge children individually; it's a snapshot of their knowledge and skills on starting Reception. Their teacher won't label or pigeonhole them based on the outcome of the assessment; rather, it gives a picture of the current ability level of their class as a whole.

In the long run, the RBA will actually mean primary school pupils face fewer tests, as Key Stage 1 SATs in Year 2 are to be discontinued, once the RBA is fully established.

2. Most children really enjoy the RBA

The RBA is carried out by your child's Reception teacher or teaching assistant on a one-to-one basis, and is highly interactive.
Most children love having the undivided attention of their teacher or TA for 15 minutes or so. "The opportunity to take time to sit with each child individually during these early weeks is a hugely beneficial activity for the child and their teacher," Claire says.

The tasks are designed to be engaging and appealing, with many based on handling and moving objects around, as if in play. And if your child gets bored or distracted, no problem - their teacher can stop the assessment at any point and continue it at another time.

3. The tasks are age-appropriate

The RBA consists of a series of tasks, each of which contains a small number of activities - and they're all tailored to Reception children's age and stage.

It looks at children's skills and knowledge in two areas - maths, and literacy, communication and language. Most of the tasks are hands-on and involve them pointing to or moving objects. "They are focused on tasks and questions that may relate to the movement of colourful objects, cards or pictures," says Claire.

Only about a third of the activities require a verbal response - so even if your child has difficulty with speech and communication, they can still perform well in the RBA.

4. They won't be under any pressure

Absolutely no pressure is put on children before or during the RBA. " Children are unaware that they're even doing an assessment - it's simply part of their daily activities," Claire explains.

The tasks in the RBA get gradually more difficult, but if a child is finding an activity too challenging, their teacher will skip it and move onto the next one. This eliminates any stress, and also prevents the child getting restless or demotivated.

5. There's no such thing as 'pass' or 'fail'

The purpose of the RBA is not to make a judgement about your child, or to rank pupils by ability, but to provide a picture of the entire class's 'baseline' on starting school - that is, the general skill and knowledge level across the whole of Reception. As such, there is no 'pass mark' and your child can't 'fail' the RBA.

Seven years later, in Year 6, the results of Key Stage 2 SATs are compared with that class's RBA results to give a picture of how well the children have progressed throughout primary school. This allows the Department for Education to see whether the school is meeting children's needs and helping them reach their potential.

As a parent or carer, you won't be given your child's score - in fact, even schools aren't told pupils' individual scores. Instead, teachers receive a series of short statements at the time the assessment is administered about each child that outlines the skills and knowledge that they demonstrated.

Schools may choose to share these statements with parents. They may do so as part of the child's wider school report, or at your parent-teacher consultation. If the school doesn't routinely share the statements but you would like to see them, you can ask for them to be given to you.

6. No preparation is needed

If you're wondering why you can't find examples of RBA activities or 'past papers' online, it's for a good reason. Your child doesn't need to do any practice for the assessment, and there's nothing you should be doing at home to get them ready for it.

"There is absolutely no requirement - or way - to prepare a child for this assessment," says Claire. In fact, it's actively discouraged.

7. It helps your child's teacher support them better

At the start of Reception, when the teacher and their new class are all settling into the new school year, the RBA will help their teacher get to know them better: "The teachers who are administering the RBA will be establishing new relationships with each child, and are best placed to ensure that the experience is positive," says Claire.

The information that the RBA generates will help your child thrive in their Reception year, as their teacher can use it to understand their current level of knowledge and ability. This means they can plan tasks and activities that extend them in areas where they're strong, and give them extra support in areas that they find more challenging.

"The teacher now has a better idea of how to design learning for them," says Claire. "It only affects children in a positive way."

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7 things you need to know about the Reception Baseline Assessment (RBA)

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In the first half-term of their Reception year, children take part in classroom-based assessment. We take a look at what's involved.

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