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Chief Burkholder is upset.

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Chief Burkholder does not appreciate that she was left out of the case meeting. I know this because she pushed passed Glock, and rolled her eyes. This makes me realize she is really dedicated to her work as an officer.

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1) text evidence
2) add more detail
3) make an interpretation about Chief Burkholder's character

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Ivy  does not know how to do a cartwheel. Bean and Leo never get along

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Ivy  does not know how to do a cartwheel. Bean and Leo never get along there always fighting about who gets the Side field. Ivy and Bean were making a blood oath but instead they use there spit!

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Larry is pretty dumb.

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Harry was very nervis and upset.

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it is prank day and Nate filled the teachers lounge with packing peanuts

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Humphery is very kind. He loves seeing kids opening and making gifts. In the story Holy says, ¨I am going to make every person in the school a gift!¨ And Humphery says, ¨I can´t wait to see all of the kids gifts!¨

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Ivy  does not know how to do a cartwheel. Bean and Leo never get along there always fighting about who gets the Side field. Ivy and Bean were making a blood oath but instead they use there spit!

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Ivy  does not know how to do a cartwheel. Bean and Leo never get along there always fighting about who gets the Side field. Ivy and Bean were making a blood oath but instead they use there spit!

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Ellie only cars adout the spot light and her friends support every thing Ellie does.

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Dan and his sister found the two missing pages of the notebook

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Larry is pretty dumb because he tried to trap Zebra by bricking up  Zebra's doors and windows so Zebra couldn't get out so he can eat him, but Larry couldn't get in.

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Harry was very nrves becaus he had acstra  lesins  with Snape and did not know what it is for and why it was with Snape.

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My stop and joy is about bad kitty and how he wants to run for president for the kitties.

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An inference/character trait for Piper shows throughout the book. She hates beauty and always wears faded and clothes and has choppy clothes.

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niles is a tatel tale and aways douse whats wright he always says if you do something wrong but it makes a right its good he also anoyes miles because he thinks he parked the car on to the stars

also my outher one is
niles is a tatle tatle and he sucks

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1) Add more details
2) Only add important parts
3) Add everything that's happening!
4) Add More sentences

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Dan and Amy were So happy that they found the location of the notebook ,but they both knew that  they could not celebrate yet because all the other competiters were richer and they did not have the resources to keep it safe

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Ellie tryed talking to her friends but the just were like in a mad mood to her and then she fixed that by giveing them a note and saying will you forgive me in the hall ways and they said yep.

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In my book Nate nothing really interesting happened but Nate was raking the leafs and franics cat was in the ways so Nate said''move your cat but franic'' said you do it  you want to move him and Nate said its your cat Franic tried but it hised so that really makes me realize that Nate likes to aruge.

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Katniss is calm, she is also caring

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Logan was excited that Miles's family was coming over for dinner, it made him feel like a normal kid.

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miles is a good prankster he did one very big prank so far with a fake person and he got alot of presents because of it and he is thinking if he going to do the speach that the person is not real or not because he might get hate and people fighting him bacause they baught presents for a fake person.

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miles is a good prankster he did one very big prank so far with a fake person and he got alot of presents because of it and he is thinking if he going to do the speach that the person is not real or not because he might get hate and people fighting him bacause they baught presents for a fake person.

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Melody was feeling really happy about butterscotch (there dog)

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It was prank day at Nate's school and he got to school early and missed walking to school with his friends but when he got there he filled the teachers lounge with packing  peanuts

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I think Katniss is very calm. Even though she doesn't like something.  She is also very caring. I think this because when her sister Prim got chosen in the Hunger Games and Katniss immediately wanted to be switched with her. This makes me realize she really cares about her sister.

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1) text evedins
2) more details
3) made it clear that Harry dislicet Snpae.

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The bed was  falling throught the floor and now Ms watson thinks mercy is going to get the fire department but really what she is looking for is toast

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I think bad kitty is desperate to be president because he wants to stop stray cats and thinks it as if it is a king. This makes me realize that bad kitty really likes it when as the upperhand

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I made sure to....
1)Add detail
2)Text evidence

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I added more details
and I added more names because i said the friends.

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my stop and jot is about 2 kids who are traveling around the world

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Piper hates beauty. I know this because when she had the blessing of Aphrodite she tried so hard to take of her nice clothes but every time she did, they would come back. Aphrodite is the goddess of love and beauty and I cannot believe Piper is a daughter of Aphrodite because she is the total opposite. Also, all of the time,
( except the blessing of Aphrodite) Piper wears jeans or pants, faded shirts and she has choppy hair. Also when they were in a different place by Aphrodite, Aphrodite changed Piper's clothing into a teal dress and Piper grumbled: "Why mom, oh why." This makes me realize that Piper doesn't care one bit about looks, beauty and clothing.

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Nate is a bad student because he is always sleeping in class

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1).  more text evidence
2). More sentences
3). More detail

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1) have more than 3 sentences
2) have the carters name
3) made shure that it tells the reader that whats happning in the story

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currently in my story, Logan's parents invite Mile's parents over for dinner. Then, shockingly, Logan's parents let Miles sleepover. And, they get to sleep in Logan's favorite place in the factory, the tropical room!

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Kristy has changed she's being really nice to the new. girl but she still refuses to watch the Watson's.

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Melody is feeling happy about Butterscotch. She said I am so lucky to have butter scotch, butterscotch always is there for Melody to. Melody always takes care of Butter scotch. This makes me reliaze that Melody likes pets.

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Humphery is very kind.

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jack and annie are nervos that they will get caught, jack said what happens if we get caught i dont now annie said.

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What I wrote first is... Raina and her town were sad because there was a flood

After Raina and her town had a huge flood the town was upset. That was not only important but shocking. Thankfully her town stayed alive. ¨A huge bridge fell down in town!¨

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1) More sentences
2) made sure the reader knows whats happening

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Krsist is being different she starting to be nice. to everybody and enjoy the new girl and is being nice to the new girl.  she also still Rufuses to watch the Watson's.

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1). Added more sentences

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I made sure to...
1 add more sentences.
2  add more text evidence.
3 add more detail

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i have text evidence.
charter traits
and patterns

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I made sure that I added more to the stop and jot

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the bed is falling throught the floor and mercy got off the bed. And Ms watson thinks that mercy is is going to get the fire deparerentment

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1.  more sentances
2.  feelings

3. text evidence

4. add more detailes
5. also added what it makes me realize

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I added:
1. more details
2.  Put more of Piper's background
( who her mom was)
3. Added an interpretation ( this makes me realize.)
4. Added how Piper gets the blessing of Aphrodite and tries to take it off.
5. Put in more evidence and put in dialogue.

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Add more sentences
add an inference
add a trait
added his point of view

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Leroy wanted to be a cowboy so he started stealing stuff. He thought he would go to the Watson house and steal their stuff.  Eugenia called the police, but the fireman heard screaming.  They ran to the Watson house.  Mercy stoped Leroy by sitting on him. The policeman took Leroy to the car. Ms Watson was glad it was over. She was a little sad because she knew that he did not mean to steal there stuff. Mrs. Watson made toast for the firemen, policeman and the neighbor.

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1 Add the important parts of the story.
2 I took some stuff out of my writing.
3 I added more sentences.