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Heyy! First off, amazing job crafting your story! I really enjoyed reading it and it was very creative and well written!

⭐️ #1

So my first star is the storyline. I loved how in each and every slide you put like what that one slide is about meaning for slide number 5 you made the word secrets and you made that bigger then the rest of the words. I also really liked how you talked about the goddess of death and her daughter, here’s a sentence I LOVE: “They have large pointy ears and copper bells as eyes.” You just could’ve said “they look like elf’s.” But you explained it and used vivid detail. (I also loved your drawing!)

⭐️ #2

My second star has to be the choice of wording because instead of being plain and simple you went above and beyond, with the word choice. An example of this is when you said “Wonder why people are leaving the game of life?” You could’ve just said “Do you wonder why people are dying?” But instead you said it in a really well stated way.

Bye gurl!! ✨

Yus from your bestey 💅🏼✨

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Hai Manda, before I begin I just want to take a moment and say that… that was a very beautifully done story. Anyways, the first star that I have is that you tied real life things that make sense with the real truth. Like that part when you said the reason you interlink with your pinky is because Jiyan the daughter of death cut the life string at the pickie and in order to kill compone they have to touch pickies and make a promise. Another star that I have is that you have great transition words like this one: “Oh, Sammy Songstans, we know how this ends,” it sounded like you were actually talking to the reader, not just writing about it. One wish that i have is… NONE!!!! It was beautifully written and it was an excellent piece of work. (I think Little Man would like it too! And thats saying something….) 🐱 🐈 ❤️ i will give this a 1000/10

From your friend and cat lover,

Haidy Baby

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Hai, Manda. I just want to stat off on saying that this was beautifully done! ❤️ 🤩. One star that I would give you is that you have many great describing words like this sentence right here: “A sour expression crossed her face.” That was a really good way of describing that expression. I also liked the part when you explained why uniforms should not be a requirement and it was not confusing and wordy in any way. Another star I would give you is that the writing piece has very good transition words. When you went into another paragraph you used a nice smooth transition.  I thought is was cool in thsi part: “Without hesitation, uniforms should be abolished entirely.” This was a very smooth and cool transition. I think thsi was the best transition because you sound so confident about this sentence.  However, I suggest that you should use fewer commas because sometimes it gets confusing. I would say that when you are describing something, you should put 2 commas through that sentence. That was the only wish and you did an amazing job elaborating on this topic. But overall I think its a very excellent persuasive essay and you did a wonderful job. Also, say hi to little man for me please! 🐈 🐱 💕
I will give this a 100/10. AMAZING 😻
Bye,
Haidy Baby

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Hey Amanda, before I begin I just wanna say... wow just wow! This is such a beautiful piece!! Anyways now I’ll get started. First star of mine is the word choice. For example for the claim sentence in body paragraph 1 you could’ve just said “School uniforms are bad.” instead you said “The idea of school uniforms is leaking with flaws, which can have an undeniable negative effect on a students life.” It might just be one sentence, but the word choice in that is outstanding!  My Second Star is how easy it is to make this an image in peoples mind like I can actually relate your descriptive words to something actually happening, for example when you said “Imagine a teenager, one who’s figuring out who they are. They’re standing in front of a polished mirror reflecting a wrinkled, washed out, prickly, gray uniform, with a skirt; the worst part of it all.” I can actually envision that happening and picture it in my mind. Great job Amanda! :D

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Hai ,Amanda! I loved the hook at the beginning of the story. It was very eye-opening in how some people might feel in that situation and is a good point in a counter-argument. Very visualising! I also really like the detail you gave for your data. Data is very substantial for counter-arguments and you seem to have an abundance of it! Nice job 👍🏽⭐️👏🏾🐵💎🚀🌙. [I don’t have any wishes! That’s all from me. 6/5! ⭐️bye!

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Hey Amanda! Your essay is so incredibly amazing. You are such a talented writer and you deserve to know it. I very much enjoyed your first paragraph, as you explained the stereotype the school set for the person. Your essay really gave me a different perspective on uniforms. It put me in their shoes, realizing how awful it could be. I have no wishes for your essay. Amazing job! -Mily :b

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hello Amanda. I just have to say that your persuasive essay was beautiful and all of the description in one sentence was appalling, and I wanted to read more and more. It was incredible and I wouldn’t change a thing.”Heavy emotions cloud over them looking at that horrifying girls uniform. Their eyes blur as hot wet tears dribble down their face. In anger they throw their skirt to the ground, in pure and full rage they stomp on their skirt, until it becomes a thin, papery looking piece of fabric. They fall onto their knees letting the tears soak into their fuzzy stained carpet.” All of that was incredible. In addition, the part in the beginning paragraph where you questioned the reader stuck with me. “ Why should students be labeled when wearing school uniforms? Why do parents want their child to go through this pain? Why are schools spending more money on gendered uniforms when they just create more problems?”it made sense to ask questions like those and all in all i was just blown away by you piece. I have no wish for you. -Brynn

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I really liked your wording in the writing. It really made it more bold and less dull. In this sentence: "When I am not pounding my fingers on a colorless keyboard, I  can be found curled up in my sheets-kicked-off-bed, listening to the crisp noises of pages turning, or working out my arms with a whisk in hand with a stained piece of paper that reads- "2 cups flour-, sitting down on a cold evening, my fingers coiled around a mug handle with a hot beverage inside", it inspired me to put a variety of word choices into my stories.

Another thing I liked about this is how you explained what was going on and what was happening. when I read the snapshot piece, it felt like I was there watching everything happen.
It's very hard to think about a wish when there's nothing that you could've changed to make it better. It was a very good piece and I enjoyed reading every single bit.

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It was an amazing show of great figure and symbolism, the figurative language was amazing there was so much i forgot this was real it made me want to read more and got me more interested. The lesson was amazing and really showcased the contempt that you had when writhing this story. the ending just the same amazing as well this story is something I would read over and over again.

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Thanks for giving feedback, it was very helpful!

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1 star: i think it was an amazing story it showed great detail
2 star: i love the smilies it helped me believe i was actually in the moment with you.
Wish:i cant really think of a wish you story was amazing

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Star: I thought you did an amazing job explaining what was going on, and I understood a lot abut you cat and what was happening.
Star: You made me want to keep reading more. I could feel the suspense and the sadness. I was really getting lured into your story.
Wish: Honestly, I can’t really think of a wish. I think you executed everything really well, and you added a lot of detail for this small moment which I loved. Good job!

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I loved the part where you stated “The door eerily” because the figurative language was so strong and it really stood out in the piece. Your piece was just really, really strong and stood out to me. I also like how you said “His face pale as a ghost,” cause your comparing how he looked. I have no suggestions for you!

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I love the details and the suspense of the whole situation. Very nice piece to read and react to.

No wishes from me!

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i really loves you piece because of allll the similes that you put into them, like pale as a ghost, and like a big ocean with oil dripping into it. It was a amazing piece and you put everything where it should be. It was just a beautifully described piece. My second star was the end of the piece where it was just describing your feelings, the area around you, and all of your memories with your cat and then the present time. And I almost cried when i read your piece because you really made it seem like i was there. And I don’t have a wish, because i just loved the piece.