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Their quote is good, and they related it to todays society which was good.

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They should add transitions so the conclusion could flow better.

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They should add more strong vocabulary and explain the quote that she added.

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She connects to what is happening today in life which is good

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Restates her reasons in her first sentence. Great quote. Conclusion connects to nowadays experience.

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they didnt sum it up well
-harper

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connected to present day
-harper

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She has a punctuation error. She dosent restate her main thesis,
which is bland.and should have explained the quote.

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needed more information
-harper

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good transitions
-harper

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The conclusion wasn’t summed up well the 2 stated reason transitioned to off topic questions.

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Great topic sentence relates to present society

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could've elaborated on the quote so that it left a greater impact on the reader.

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Good topic sentence that connects back to todays society.

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What can be worked on is that they could add just a tat more to what is going on in the world right now and could end it off a better way but over all it was ok.

# data[].attributes.headline
They didn't sum up their essay, they stated the two reasons and then just lead it to another topic and put the quote.

# data[].attributes.subject
They didn't sum up their essay, they stated the two reasons and then just lead it to another topic and put the quote.

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The glows of the conclusion is that it has good. It also kinda linked to what happens right now in the world

# data[].attributes.headline
I liked how they connected the topic to our daily life. It was pretty straight forward and correct wording was used.

# data[].attributes.subject
I liked how they connected the topic to our daily life. It was pretty straight forward and correct wording was used.

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Uses information to hook the reader so they stay interested
-Evie

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Quote was repetitive ... it was saying the same thing ... instead of saying “this is bad” she could of said something else... went straight to the quotes .

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Good transitions, good explanations

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needs a bit more detail on the elaboration

# data[].attributes.headline
The way that the paragraph is worded and some of the vocab is very poor

# data[].attributes.subject
The way that the paragraph is worded and some of the vocab is very poor

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The evidence needs more elaboration.

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The evidence was good for the body paragraph

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They could add more to their elaborations

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Good evidence, Vocabulary words are strong.

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The body paragraph  is ok could use more of the suportting  reason but over all everything is good

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The topic sentence was short, and didn't provide too much background info. The first elaboration could've been stronger.

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The evidence is strong and clear.

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The evidence is good all it needs is more details to make it more of getting the reader to read it

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evidence is good and clear, gets the message across clear

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Body paragraph was too short and didn't really give any background info.

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They could be less specific, could be clearer on the thesis statement.

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Great hook, provides background info and catches the readers eye.

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Their thesis statement was a little too specific, it should've been more general.

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Their hook was very descriptive, and provided background info.

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Add more transition words to Make the intro a little bit more clear.

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They had a good hook that made me want to read the body paragraphs.

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they had a good hook
-harper

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The thesis was a bit unclear needs to be a little more specific

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The hook was good started of the intro strong.

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they went on and on a lot
-harper

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Take out all the run ons and replace them with more different and strong wording

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Subject/thesis isn't very clear, hard to know what the essay is about

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I had some more words to add and more thoughts to add to the senctences

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It has a good hook, allows the reader to connect to the essay.