# data[].attributes.body
Hi Dom, one good thing i found in your paragraph is the way you explained the opening sentence nicely. I also liked the way your followed the sequence of events in the short. One wish is that I noticed you used the word “bird” a lot so maybe next time change that.

# data[].attributes.body
HeY dOm! One wish I have for you  is your transition words. You say things like “in,” when you should add more creative words like “in truth” or “ undoubtedly”. In addition, another wish I have for you is your evidence. I can't really tell where it is because you don't use a transition word and there isn't much that I can identify with. My last wish for you is your claim sentence. This is because from what I can see it is more than one sentence. As I can see “ In, For The Birds. In the video the tiny birds were arguing, then the big bird broke them up and then the tiny birds made fun of the big bird because of the way he appeared. Then the tiny birds ve to the middle of the electric line. Then the big bird flies over to them and he sits down on the power directly in the center and since the big bird is bigger than all the other birds then the power line goes down. When the power line went all the other birds went down with it. The 2 of the tiny birds make the ig bird hang from” is all your claim sentence.

# data[].attributes.body
Hi Dom! I have 3 wishes for you. My first wish is to make your writing more clearly. I had trouble reading your paragraph because it didn't make sense. My 2nd wish is to add more to your writing. If you put effort you could’ve maybe added a normal cees paragraph but only put 2 sentences. For my last and final wish, I suggest adding transition words in your paragraph to separate your writing like separating claims and evidence using transition words. This could help your paragraph look neat instead of unclear work.

# data[].attributes.headline
hello dom my wish is that you add a claim sentence. I think you should definitely add one because it adds to your paragraph and makes people know your statement and your position in the story. Next you should really look at your paragraph because there are a few spelling errors like when you said ve . Although there’s not a lot you should definitely look at it because it will definitely help out. Next, add more. Your paragraph is very short  in comparison to others. Just add more detail and more words and I'm sure your paragraphs will be better.

# data[].attributes.subject
hello dom my wish is that you add a claim sentence. I think you should definitely add one because it adds to your paragraph and makes people know your statement and your position in the story. Next you should really look at your paragraph because there are a few spelling errors like when you said ve . Although there’s not a lot you should definitely look at it because it will definitely help out. Next, add more. Your paragraph is very short  in comparison to others. Just add more detail and more words and I'm sure your paragraphs will be better.

# data[].attributes.body
hEy DoM! One wish I have for your paragraph is you should add another evidence to your paragraph. You only have one to my understanding and it is required to have two and it would give you a better grade.One more wish I had is that you should have one more explanation. This is because it would make your grade even better and it is required.Lastly, your sum up sentence is dryer than the sahara desert. This is because it doesn't even relate to your claim.

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hey dom, i think that your conveyed a very powerfull theme with your word choice. I also liked how your stashed in present tense the whole time and did it to perfection. I think if in you explanation 1 if you made it more powerfull with transition words and stronger word choice it would be better.

# data[].attributes.subject
hey dom, i think that your conveyed a very powerfull theme with your word choice. I also liked how your stashed in present tense the whole time and did it to perfection. I think if in you explanation 1 if you made it more powerfull with transition words and stronger word choice it would be better.

# data[].attributes.headline
Hello Dominick my star for you is i really like the point you were trying to get across but i do wish you wrought your point better most of the time when i was reading your paragraph i didn't really understand it see what i'm trying to say is you should re read your paragraph before you fully finish. My next wish is for you to add some detail to your sentences because as i was reading them they just felt really dry to me.

# data[].attributes.subject
Hello Dominick my star for you is i really like the point you were trying to get across but i do wish you wrought your point better most of the time when i was reading your paragraph i didn't really understand it see what i'm trying to say is you should re read your paragraph before you fully finish. My next wish is for you to add some detail to your sentences because as i was reading them they just felt really dry to me.

# data[].attributes.body
Hi Dom, a star in your theme analysis paragraph is your theme. I like how you explained the actual moral of the story in a way that made sense to the story. I found finding a claim difficult for Lifted. Another star I found in your writing was explaining your evidence of how the little alien was starting something new he never did and was trying his best. This showed that your evidence made sense to the video and the words painted the same video in my mind. Something that you could improve on is completing your theme analysis paragraph to show and explain your evidence and explanation. If completed, your theme analysis paragraph could’ve looked more professional and neat.

# data[].attributes.body
Hi, Dom! A strength in your essay is your theme because it clearly states the theme. Also, I like your sum up because it clearly states your theme in a more entregging, and interesting way. However, I did discover some errors that could be corrected. First, you should have highlighted transitions, and titles, so your piece would be more understandable. Also, if I were you, I would edit my explanation to add more details, so your essay is less boring.

# data[].attributes.body
Hi Dom, one strength of your paragraph “The Test” was your explanation. It was really well written. For example, when you said “he flunked his test he was sad that the big alien let him fly the ship. The tiny alien then crashes the ship but then crashes and then flies away successfully.” This really made me think about what the theme could be. Another strength of your paragraph was your sum it up. I like how it was straight forward but also got your point across. For example, I like how you used your theme for inspiration on what your sum up should be but just different word choice. One wish I can provide to you is to vary your word choice. For example, in your evidence you used the word UFO about 4-5 times. If you need help finding this you could go to the online website that Mrs. Whichard gave us. Otherwise amazing job Dom!!!!

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You should write more to your essay. The essay is 1 paragraph long. You should also change word choice. You shouldn’t use the word “stuff” to much.

# data[].attributes.body
You didn’t write anything and you didn’t fill out the checklist. I’m looking forward to better work next time!!!!!

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YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!

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YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!

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YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!! YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!

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YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!YOU DIDN”T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!

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Hi, Dom. I just read your narrative and I think it is great. A part I really like is how you set the tone of the story with some amazing details and descriptions for the son and the dad. That was a good beginning. Another thing I liked about your story is the inclusion of figurative language in your story. To me , stories are always better with figurative language. One thing in your story though is that the grammar and punctuation is a little bit off other than that it was great.

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One thing that I liked was how you described the kitchen. You described it very well and it felt like I was standing there with the father. Another thing that I liked was how you described the fight about the food. It also felt like I was sitting in the room with the father and the son. One thing that I would have liked to see was a little more length. I would have liked it to be a bit longer. The story was very good overall though and you did a good job on it.

# data[].attributes.body
Hi dominick, a strength in your narrative was how you describe the characters in the story. I also liked how you described when the dad was cooking and how the pot looked. However, I feel that when the kid isn't eating the food is dad made you could’ve added more emotion in that part. Overall your story was good .

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I like how you described everything in good details and used figurative language so the reader can really picture what was happening in the moment

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The memoir is pretty big, and it’s longer then some other people’s, but you need to fix the punctuation! Use commas!

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I really liked the lesson you learned because it is very important to never give up. I think that if gave up then you would have never scored 32 points. I also liked your figurative language. I liked how you put a lot of it in your piece. Some thing that I would have liked to see was more detail. I would have liked to maybe know what was going on during half time. I liked your piece overall though and I think it was really good.

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One of the best parts of your Memoir was that you were describing every little detail. Such as what the ball felt like and what you were doing. You also described what everything looked like. When you said the basketball was smooth as marble or when you said the strings looked like a mop I knew that you knew what you were doing. You remembered every little detail and that made a lot of the difference. However something you could have worked on was that your story is describing three quarters not one tiny moment.

# data[].attributes.subject
One of the best parts of your Memoir was that you were describing every little detail. Such as what the ball felt like and what you were doing. You also described what everything looked like. When you said the basketball was smooth as marble or when you said the strings looked like a mop I knew that you knew what you were doing. You remembered every little detail and that made a lot of the difference. However something you could have worked on was that your story is describing three quarters not one tiny moment.

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-Tristan.P